Origami Girl

Chapter 43: Hanedanın Düşüşü III

"My woman of the beautiful hair, my love of the slanted brow, my love of eyes full of mischief...

I'll sing your praises always

I, lover of the tormented heart, Muhibbi of the eyes full of tears, I am happy."

- Sultan Suleiman the Magnificent

I waited for Ayumi-chan right outside the gate to her residence. I had given a call just a few moments back, told her I needed a place to stay for the night. She didn't really ask much, just told me to wait for her and she'll come fetch me. I was at the side gate of her condo, clutching onto my coat as I stood there alone.

Honestly I was afraid. I was afraid to go home, yet at the same time I was afraid that Shuuya-kun would just get worse when I eventually have to return. I didn't know if I should tell my aunt either, for one I thought she ought to know, but on the other hand I didn't want to badmouth her own son. Well, he wasn't her son, technically speaking. I thought that perhaps I could stay at Ayumi-chan's for the while being, while I sorted everything out. With the sky getting darker, I sent a message to my aunt, informing her that I wouldn't be going home that night, and that I might be staying at my friend's place for a few days. I just didn't want her to get worried over me, she already had so much on her plate.

"Hey there," Ayumi said as she opened the gate with her card. "Come in."

"Thank you so much for letting me stay over," I thanked her, muttering the words underneath my breath.

"Well it sounded rather urgent," the young woman replied. "You don't seem to have extra clothes with you either."

I let out a long sigh. The dread and fear began to creep back to me, which the time with Aleks had helped me conveniently forget. The reality of what happened this morning finally set in.

"It's a really long story," I told her as we walked up to the lift lobby of the apartment. "I-I don't know how to start."

"Well, we can talk when we get inside," the young woman said reassuringly as we stepped into the open elevator.

We just stood in silence as we waited for the elevator to reach Ayumi's level. The doorsopened and we alighted into a much smaller lift landing. There were only two units on the floor, Ayumi-chan's was to the left, while the other belonged to her neighbour.

Fishing out her keys from her pocket, she opened the apartment door. The genkan in her apartment was small and cosy, with a shoe rack to the side, as well as a miniature stone lantern right beside it. The young woman hung her coat beside the door, and urged me to do the same.

"Well make yourself at home," the young woman said as she stepped up the raised platform to the main area of the apartment. "I'll pour us something to drink."

After slipping out of my shoes, I walked into her vast living room, admiring her well-manicured apartment. It seemed very sophisticated, with a stone feature wall in the far side of the room, where the large screen TV was. I took a seat on the sofa, while the young woman was in the kitchen.

Yet even there as I was, comfortably away and hidden from my boyfriend, the fear crept back into my heart. The heavy realisation of what he did to me that dreadful morning played again and again in my head.

Ayumi-chan came back with a tray, with two cups of steaming green tea.

"You like green tea don't you?" she said as she placed a cup on the coffee table in front of me. "Well, it sure is calming."

"Thank you," I replied, sniffing away tears that I held back.

I picked up the hot cup and sipped on the tea.

"There's something going on isn't it?" the young woman asked. "There must be a reason you're here."

I let out a deep sigh as I placed the cup back on the table.

"I'm sorry if I didn't just tell you this morning," I told her, as I pushed back my tears with the tips of my fingers. "I was just so scared, I never even knew what to say. Never did I even expect him to just explode like that. I'm terrified, Ayumi, I don't know what to do."

Ayumi-chan was silent for a while, her expression grim and serious. She leaned out from the armchair and held my palm in both of hers. Her sweet, warm eyes helped me to calm down and find comfort. The comfort that I was away from him, and that I was safe.

I let out another deep, trembling sigh.

"He hurt me, Ayumi," I confessed, a tear falling down my cheek. "He-"

I couldn't help but choke on my own words. What I had to say was stuck in my throat, instead, replaced with a tight, suffocating sorrow in my tightening chest. Then the tears began to fall, and once one made it past, it all came cascading down, like a dam that had burst.

The young woman got up from her seat and immediately went up to my side, holding my shoulders. She reached out for the box of tissues under the table and handed me a few sheets. I wiped the tears and mucus off my face, but I only ended up crying some more. Ayumi-chan rubbed my back soothingly, trying to calm me down.

I tried, all this time, to rationalise what he did to me, attributing it perhaps to his mental illness, or the fact that he was still not so settled after his violent outburst the previous day, but I just couldn't any more. The agony was raw and tearing away at my heart. There was no use trying to hide how I truly felt behind pretence. How could he treat me like that? All this while I tried to be kind to him, to understand him, to stick by him because I felt that he needed me. But it was know that I finally saw what the young man was truly capable of. Was it my fault that I was the one who chose to be with him when I already knew how fragile and unstable he was? Was it my fault that I chose to do the 'right' thing? Or perhaps I only did so to feel better about myself.

Did he not realise that I was the only one that he had? Given, I didn't sign up to be his caregiver when I dated him but the sympathy and concern I had felt for him were real. Did he not realise that I tried to be the best that I could? Did I even mean anything to him, that he could just hurt me all because I misarranged some pots. Was I even more worthless than a bunch of misarranged pots? Did I deserve it? My mind told me no, but deep in my heart I felt like I did. Maybe I did, maybe I did.

"Why don't you go wash your face," Ayumi-chan suggested as she got up. "The bathroom is down the hall."

I only nodded silently as I stood up and walked down the hallway, before I stepped into the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I immediately went for the sink. Reaching down for the tap, I washed my face with the cool water, letting out a sigh as the splash of cold liquid swept away the stickiness of my stale tears. The water on my hand had traces of black, the mascara having run down together with my tears. I washed my face with water a couple more times, before I reached out for the facial cleanser to the side. I squeezed some of the cleanser onto my finger and massaged my face, lathering the cream until it foamed a little. After washing it off, I removed my lipstick and eye makeup with the makeup remover. I didn't ask Ayumi-chan beforehand about using her creams and lotions, but I was sure she would be fine with it.

It was then when I looked up and stared at my reflection in the mirror. There it was, garishly on my cheekbone, the bright rush of black and blue. Without the makeup to conceal it, it was jarringly obvious. I tried to touch it with my fingers, but it was rather tender and it still hurt. But the pain on my skin was nothing compared to the stabbing pain in my heart.

I stepped out of the bathroom and walked back into the living room where Ayumi-chan was taking a sip from her cup. As soon as she saw me, she frantically placed her cup on the table and stood up.

"Oh goodness," she muttered under her breath as she hurried up towards me. "Did he do this?"

The young woman motioned towards her cheekbone, and I merely nodded. I was met with silence as the reality sank in. Ayumi-chan just stared blankly for a while.

"I'm so, so sorry," she finally spoke. "It's just that. . . I never expected that something so horrible could happen to such a good person like you. I'm honestly –I'm sorry."

The young woman exhaled deeply.

"Why don't we sit down," she said, visibly shaken. "We should talk about this."

I went back to my seat obediently, while Ayumi-chan sat at the armchair.

"How long has he been doing this to you?" the young woman asked.

"A few months ago he slapped me real hard, after I stood up for his mother," I mumbled. "Kashiwagi-kun was there. He saw it happen. He was the one who managed to get him off me."

"Then how about this?" the young woman questioned, again placing her fingers to her cheekbone.

"This morning he grabbed me by the hair and smashed my face against the counter top," I said, sniffing. "And all because I arranged the pots and pans in the wrong order."

The young woman was silent.

"I don't know what to do anymore, honestly," I said, wiping the final stray tears from my eyes. "I've always tried my best to be the best I could ever be with him. I know he has some mental issues and is under medication, but I just don't understand how he could do it to me you know? Do you think it's my fault? Do you think I wasn't good enough?"

"Ayano-chan," the young woman said soothingly, her serious eyes filled with concern. "Don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault. Heck, in cases like this it's never the victim's fault."

"A part of me is telling me that I deserve it, for lying to him, for getting him into whatever mess this is," I muttered. "Maybe this is just my punishment."

"What are you saying?" Ayumi-chan exclaimed. "You did nothing wrong. Yes, sure, he's mentally unstable and perhaps you can't live like that anymore, but it's not a crime to deny how you truly feel. Yes, maybe he's dangerous and maybe you're beating yourself up for not seeing it earlier, but you loved him and you acted in his best interests."

I could only turn away from the young woman's beautiful face, staring at the far rock wall, noticing every rough crevice and uneven placing of every slab through glassy eyes.

"No," I mumbled under my breath. "That's a lie. It's all a lie. I never loved him, never did."

The young woman said nothing.

"I never loved him, honestly it was just mere pity that surfaced from the depths of my heart. There was no love, none of that," I continued. "The young man I love is-"

The image of the young man's face flashed in my mind. His pale skin, his locks of dark silky hair, his brown eyes as he stared into mine. His soft lips, his smile, his gentle touch. His deep voice, his immaculate form, his soul that had been burdened by so much.

"He's dead," I finally said. "He's long dead."

It was then when I heard the rattling of keys, the front door was being opened. Ayumi-chan didn't seem surprised at all, as if she had been expecting it. No, I told myself. This couldn't be happening. It was the last thing I needed then, especially after what happened the previous day. I could almost feel the stinging burn on my pam where it had hit his face yesterday.

"Tadaima," I heard the voice say, the voice that was all too familiar to me.

The young woman paid no heed to the young man, and instead focused on me instead.

"Whatever you're feeling," she finally spoke again. "I just want you to know that I'll always be there for you. Why don't you stay here? I have a spare room you could use. He won't find you here."

It was then when I heard footsteps coming in from behind me. I didn't even bother turning around. I couldn't even bear looking at his face.

"Hey, what's going on?" the young man said.

"It's something personal," Ayumi-chan replied, looking uneasily at his unwelcome presence in our private conversation. "I'd appreciate it if you'd give us some space."

"Sure. . ." the young man replied, a tone of apprehension in his voice. "I'm going to make some coffee, you want some?"

"No thanks," Ayumi-chan answered. "I already made tea for the two of us."

"Well then," I heard the young man say. "I'll just make some extra for the cold brew."

With that, he walked into the kitchen, leaving the two of us alone in the living room. I was bent on ignoring him for the most part, yet at the same time I felt a little sad that he didn't even acknowledge my presence there. It was as if I was invisible, as if I never existed. But then again I did slap him hard and told him that trusting him was the biggest mistake I had ever made, so I suppose his reaction was only natural. I never even gave him the chance to explain himself. Gosh, I was such a mess.

"Why don't you get changed?" Ayumi-chan said as she stood up. "You know, just look through my closet, pick anything comfortable that you like. We're the same size anyway."

With that, she brought me to her room, the master bedroom of the apartment. It was a rather simple, sleek room, with another feature wall complimenting that of the one in the living room. Picture frames lined up the wall on the side of the door, opposite the windows. Directly in front of the king sized bed was a large, sliding closet. The young woman stopped at the door as I walked into the room, my bare feet against the shiny, laminated wood floors.

"Well, get changed and call me if you need anything," Ayumi-chan said, her hand on the doorknob. "I'll be right outside."

With that, she shut the door behind her.

I headed over to the young woman's closet, sliding the door open. Looking at the array of clothes, I immediately picked out a floral print jumper and a black pair of track pants. Slipping them on, I hung my own clothes on a free hanger. I honestly didn't know how long I was going to be staying there. Probably long enough that I've managed to figure everything out I suppose.

When I left the room, Ayumi-chan was at the couch with her boyfriend, the television switched on. They were watching some American show, given by the spoken English blaring from the audio. I didn't really know what it was. I walked up to the two of them in the living room. The two of them seemed to be too absorbed in the show to notice my approach.

I stood behind them from behind the sofa, craning my neck to see what they were watching. It was some medieval fantasy of some sort. There was a lot of screaming as a large black dragon swooped from the sky, spitting fire upon the poor souls underneath. On top of the large beast was a white-haired woman. Or was it platinum blonde? I don't know. I wasn't particularly interested, to be honest.

I noticed though, how the young woman's head rested on the broad shoulder of her boyfriend. Jarrett turned to his side, looking at Ayumi-chan longingly. For a brief moment, I felt a surge of comfort seep through my heart, realising what was at stake had I been selfish. For that brief moment, I felt like my actions were not for naught. All I wanted was for the people I love to be happy.

It was then when our eyes met. He noticed me standing there, but before he could say anything, I turned around and headed to the kitchen. I couldn't face him. I still couldn't. I don't know what I saw the previous day but it didn't look pretty.

"Ah Ayano-chan," I heard Ayumi-chan's voice call out to me. "I didn't realise you were out already."

I looked up, and there she was, standing in the entrance of the kitchen.

"Yeah," I laughed nervously. "I just saw how the both of you were so absorbed in the show, didn't really want to interrupt it."

"Oh yes," the young woman giggled in reply. "If it weren't for Jarrett I wouldn't have noticed you either. Come, I'll show you your room."

With that, I followed her out of the kitchen, past the young man on the sofa, and down the hallway. Ayumi-chan opened the door opposite the master bedroom, leading me into a smaller bedroom. Even though it was smaller, it was still much nicer than my room back home in Hakodate. It was simple and elegant, with a queen-sized bed and ochre sheets, matching the ochre feature wall. The rest of the walls were a light shade of cream. There was a smaller closet, compared to the one in Ayumi-chan's room, as well as a desk and armchair tucked to the corner by the window.

"This is my spare room," the young woman said as she led me inside. "I don't really use it, so it's yours.

"Thank you so much," I muttered as I sat down on the edge of the plush bed. "It's really nice."

"It's nothing really," Ayumi-chan replied. "This apartment is too big for one person. I'd love to have your company."

With that, she fell silent for a while, before sitting down next to me on edge of the bed.

"You know," she began, placing her soft palms on my right hand. "Why don't you just move in with me? Considering this isn't the first time he ever got physical with you, I suggest you stay far away from him, for your own sake. I'm worried that if you're there with him he might take it out on you again. At least if you stay here you're away from him, and he can't hurt you here."

"Thank you," I said. "I wouldn't know what I'll do if you weren't here for me."

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it," she reassured me. "I'll never forgive myself if I let you suffer and did nothing. Not on my watch."

With that, she stood up, and walked towards the door.

"Well, I'll just leave you to settle in," she said as she turned around. "I'll lend you my clothes for tonight. We can head over to your apartment tomorrow to pack some of your things."

"Don't you have a lecture tomorrow morning?" I asked. "Please, I don't want to trouble you. I already did so enough."

The young woman shook her head.

"Hey, you're more important," she interjected. "I'll just leave my professor a memo. I haven't been absent for any lectures this year anyway, so I suppose he'll be willing to close one eye."

"Really, thank you so much."

"Oh, stop thanking me already," the young woman said jokingly. "I'll also need to go request for a new keycard for you, and go duplicate the keys. I mean, you'll need to have them, if you're going to live here."

"Hey, hey," I said, standing up. "We don't need to rush so much. Don't you think it's a little. . . hasty? I mean, don't you think things are going pretty quickly?"

Ayumi-chan raised her palm up, cutting me short.

"I don't think it's hasty," the young woman said, shaking her head ever so slightly. "I'm treating this with a sense of urgency. Your safety is my top concern right now, and given that your boyfriend has had a history of violence, I strongly urge you to stay here."

"I know that," I replied, rather apprehensively. "And I will be staying here, but. . . I don't know. It's just. . ."

"You don't deserve to be treated like that," Ayumi-chan said, direct to the point. "No matter how much you think you're doing the right thing by sticking by his side, you don't deserve to live in such terror. You have to start thinking for yourself, Ayano-chan."

With that she left me there, leaving me all by myself in that empty room. I let myself fall onto the plush sheets. Staring at the blank, spotless ceiling, I thought about what she said. Think for myself, she told me. If only she knew what I had achieved by merely thinking of myself. The blood on my hands, the lives I've ruined. If only she knew what this rotten soul had destroyed, just by her own selfish actions without a care for others in this world.

Despite my initial agreement, deep in my heart I was still apprehensive about leaving Shuuya-kun behind. I thought I was strong enough to do the right thing. That day when I accepted him again at the entrance of my university I thought I had shut the door behind me from the young man I loved forever, that I had sealed the thick mahogany gates without any chance of turning back. Yet here I was.

I wanted to laugh at myself. I was pathetic. It was true, I always tried to be strong by attempting to do what was right, to atone myself. Yet that desire for righteousness was in the end driven and controlled by fear. Yes, deep in the depths of my darkened soul, what had always driven me was fear. Here I was, trying to tell myself that I should be doing what was right and stay by Shuuya-kun's side, but I was honestly terrified. Terrified of being hurt again, even though I felt like I deserved it.

I suppose fear was also the driving cause of me accepting the abusive young man into my life again. To try to be understanding and do what was right. I just feared that I wouldn't be able to run away from Jarrett. I was afraid that I'd fall to temptation, that I'd lose the closest friend I've ever had. I was afraid that I'd live the remainder of my days plague with guilt, and for what? Trying to get what I want? To be together with the man I loved? But at what cost? I didn't want to. It was not worth it, to build a house of happiness on foundations of guilt.

I was such a coward, always running away, always trying to hide. But what was this young girl to do, in this cruel world without respite?

It was then when I heard a knock on the doorframe. I immediately clambered up, sitting myself up straight on the bed, thinking it was Ayumi-chan. I wondered what she wanted.

Instead I was greeted by the young man's figure, dressed in jeans and a varsity jacket. His deep black fringe fell down to his eyebrows, his large hands stuffed in his jeans pockets.

"Can I come in?" the young man asked me.

"Whatever," I muttered under my breath as I turned away.

In the corner of my eye, I noticed the young man enter. He walked around the bed and took a seat in the office chair nearer to the side of the bed that I was on.

I let out a deep sigh.

"Whatever you have to say," I began, exhaling a shallow, broken breath. "I don't really want to hear it. Explain all you want, but my eyes don't lie to me. I saw it with my own eyes, Jarrett. I saw the ring. I can't believe you're doing this behind our backs."

"I can explain," the young man said.

Before he could speak further, I cut him off.

"That's what you always say," I replied.

I was about to stand up and leave, but what he said next left me rooted in place.

"I went to meet Kameko-chan," the young man revealed. "Okay, we were in that restaurant with her fiance's son, and I just asked to meet up with her because it's really been so long and there was still a lot of unresolved issues that needed to be dealt with once and for all."

My eyes widened in shock. Kameko? That was a name I hadn't heard in a while. To know that she was right here in Sapporo all this while, I didn't really know how to react to it. What could she be doing here? Did he just mention that she had a fiancé? It only raised more questions than answers.

I heaved a sigh of relief, rather involuntarily. At least for a start I knew that he wasn't cheating on Ayumi-chan that evening. I relaxed for a bit, only to realise that I did throw a tight slap on his face without even giving him the opportunity to explain himself. Gosh, I was such a mess.

"Sorry about yesterday," I muttered under my breath. "I don't want to make any excuses, and I don't think it's right for me to have jumped to conclusions."

"Hey it's fine," the young man chuckled. "You just acted out based on what you saw. I don't blame you."

"No, it's totally my fault," I muttered.

"Stop saying that," Jarrett said as he leaned back into the chair. "Anyway, what were you doing there? You out with your friends or something?"

"No," I answered, shaking my head. "I was there with my boyfriend. Yeah."

"Well Ayumi did tell me the two of you got back together like, yesterday," the young man said rather awkwardly.

"But I don't think I'll be returning after what he did," I replied. "I guess I'll be staying here now. Ayumi-chan seemed pretty keen on the idea."

"That's great," the young man said, nodding. "At least you'd be around to keep Ayumi company. Besides, after seeing how treated you the other time, I'd say it's for the best."

"But what do I say to him?" I questioned, slightly worried. "I don't think he'll take this lightly."

"You don't have to say anything," the young man said. "You can just tell your aunt that you're moving in with your friend. I'm sure she won't mind it that much. Wouldn't want to cause unnecessary drama."

"I just don't want to face him anymore," I lamented. "Ayumi-chan suggested that we head over to the apartment to pack some of my stuff. I mean, he probably isn't at home if we head there in the morning."

"My morning lecture tomorrow got cancelled," the young man said. "So I can join the both of you. You know, you might need help packing."

"Or just in case he's there," I muttered under my breath.

"Yeah," Jarrett said. "Just in case. I mean, it's better to be safe than sorry."

We were silent for a while.

"Honestly yesterday evening he knocked someone out in the bathroom," I told the young man. "I don't know what happened and why'd he do such a thing, but this morning he didn't seem too balanced either."

I brought my palm up to my face and touched the bruise on my cheekbone. It still hurt.

"I got this just now," I told him. "I didn't arrange the pots and pans properly and he pulled my hair and smashed my face against the counter."

"Yeah, Ayumi told me," Jarrett replied, fidgeting with his fingers. "I'm so sorry."

I only smiled in return.

"You know," the young man suddenly said, changing the topic. "Why don't I move Ayumi's stuff to the main room? She uses this closet to store the clothes that she doesn't really wear often. We've got to make room for your clothes when they come in tomorrow."

With that, he stood up and walked over to the sliding wardrobe at the opposite end of the room.

"Really, there's no need," I told the young man. "I've only got one suitcase of clothes and maybe just a few boxes of other things. I don't really have much, so I don't think I'll be needing all that space to be honest."

The young man turned around and leaned against the sliding door. He flashed me a smile on his thin lips.

"Well over there," he pointed at the desk. "We can place your books, and you can use the desk to do your work. You know, do you think we should get you new sheets?"

There was a glimmer in his eyes, almost as if he was more excited than I was about me moving in with Ayumi-chan. I couldn't help but laugh. For a brief moment, the heavy clouds over my heart seemed to have dissipated. When I was with him, everything felt fine. His radiant smile melted whatever sadness I had in me, just for that brief moment.

"You seem more excited than I am," I remarked. "It's kind of cute."

"I'm just happy for you, that's all. . ." the young man replied, a fog of red appearing on his pale cheeks.

There was a brief moment of silent as we looked at each other. There he stood, with his deep brown eyes and gentle gaze. The warmth of his smile, the warmth of his heart. His pale porcelain skin and broad shoulders. His thin lips parted, revealing a row of white teeth, and I did the same.

It was then when I heard her calling his name, her voice getting louder as she approached. It shook me out of my reverie, out of the brief moment of fleeting happiness that I had just experience, bringing me back to the cold, lonely world that I dreaded.

"Could you help me get some things from the grocery?" the young woman asked as she stood in the doorway. "I was thinking of making gratin for dinner."

"Well, whatever you need," the young man said with a chuckle, before the both of them walked out of the room and left me there again.

I could hear their voices from the living room, the young man seemed to have said something funny, to which Ayumi-chan laughed. They just seemed so perfect for each other, and yet here I was again. I felt guilty for feeling good about my brief moment with the young man alone just now, guilty that I still loved him. I was sure he felt the same way. I wasn't sad because I was in love with someone who could never be mine, I felt guilty for harbouring these feelings towards the boyfriend of my best friend.

I went up to the door and closed it shut, before lying down on the bed again. My tightening chest filled with sorrow. Burying my face into a soft, plump pillow, I soaked it with my salty tears.

I regained my composure after a while, and walked outside to wash my face in the kitchen sink. Ayumi-chan most likely noticed my sticky face and reddened eyes, but she said nothing. She probably thought I was crying about what happened this morning, and thought it'd be best to give me some space.

"Where's your boyfriend?" I asked her.

"He's outside," she told me. "Went to get some stuff from the grocery store. You're fine with gratin for dinner right? If you want anything specific I can just give him a call."

"No,no" I replied, shaking my head. "It's fine, really. I'm okay with anything you're cooking. It's your house after all."

"That's great," she said. "I better start preparing then."

"Let me help," I offered. "It's the least I could do."

"No, don't worry yourself about it," she responded, taking out a baking dish from the cabinet. "Why don't you just relax for a while, you've been through a lot today."

While the young woman busied herself in the kitchen, I sat in the living room, with the television switched on in front of me. I wasn't even paying any attention to it. I just lay down on the sofa, propping my head against a pillow. I told myself that I'd shut my eyes for a while, to put myself at ease. I was exhausted, and before long I drifted into a light sleep.

I didn't know how long I was asleep but I awoke to the sound of plates being set. As I sat up, I noticed that something smelled really good. I looked around, and saw Jarrett arranging the plates on the table.

"Oh, you're up," the young man said. "Was afraid to wake you."

"Stop being silly," Ayumi-chan chided him. "It's not like we're going to have dinner without her."

"It smells really good," I said as I stood up.

"Thank you," the young woman said as she walked up to me. "Come, let's eat."

I went to wash my hands and face, before I took a seat beside Ayumi-chan. She had scooped up the gratin and placed it all on plates, the baking dish resting on a coaster in the middle of the table, just in case anyone wanted seconds. Jarrett poured all of us a glass each of plain water.

"Well, this looks really good," I said as I picked up my fork. "Ittadakimas"

And it was indeed. The potatoes were soft and creamy, with a crunchy browned crust of cheese crowning it. The rich flavour complemented the smooth texture of the potatoes, they almost felt mashed, but had a light, added fluff to it.

"This is amazing," I complimented Ayumi-chan on her cooking. "You're such a great cook."

"Oh, this is nothing," the young woman replied with a slight laugh. "Putting potatoes in an oven and covering it with cheese isn't really cooking."

"Of course it is," Jarrett interjected. "My compliments to the chef."

"Oh stop it," the young woman said in jest. "Everyone always says my cooking is good."

"Well maybe it's because it is?" I suggested, as I took another bite of her heavenly gratin.

There was a short period of silence, but the void was filled with smiles and the delicious food.

"Anyway, about tomorrow," Ayumi-chan began. "Why don't we head over first thing after breakfast? Would give you ample time to pack before your afternoon classes, wouldn't want to miss any of your lessons now would you?"

"Sure," I replied, rather unsure to be really frank. "What if he's home though?"

"That's where I come along," Jarrett cut in as he leaned back into his backrest. "Just in case things get ugly though. I don't want to provoke him or anything."

"I don't really have many things to pack, so hopefully it'll be done in a couple of hours," I said.

"Anyway," Ayumi-chan said, changing the topic. "Have you found that wallet of yours? Was it at the student affairs center?"

"Well about that," I said, remembering my encounter with the blond young man earlier that afternoon. "Some kind soul found it, and he called me. So I met him at the student affairs centre and he passed it to me."

"Oh," I replied. "Tall, his hair reddish-brown, handsome. He did have a nice stubble though. Seems like a rather decent guy."

"Interesting,"Ayumi-chan said as she picked up another scoop of gratin.

"He did ask me for a favour though," I added. "We went out for lunch together, and had a nice conversation. Well, thought I'd like to distract myself from whatever happened this morning. Ended up spilling everything out to him anyway, just needed to blurt it all out. But I guess the fact that he's a stranger helped a lot. It made me more comfortable you know, no excess baggage. Something to start a fresh."

I couldn't help but notice that Jarrett had grown silent. He seemed to be eyeing me as he ate the gratin, without saying a word. I began to feel more and more uncomfortable, the discomfort growing in my chest.

"Ah, what's his name?" Ayumi-chan asked. "He seems like a nice guy to get to know."

"Euan," I told her as I picked up another scoop of Gratin. "Euan Caird. He's majoring in Japanese here, a kind of linguistic guy. He's really nice to talk to."

"Oh, that's cool," Ayumi-chan said. "I suppose you could use a new male friend."

The two of us laughed, but I couldn't help but notice the dirty look Jarrett gave me as he chewed on his food. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but of course, not in front of Ayumi.

After dinner, I offered to do the dishes, but Ayumi-chan instead told me to get myself a warm bath. She's already placed some clothes on my bed from which I could choose from. I went with a hoodie and a pair of comfortable sweatpants, which I brought into the master bathroom with me.

Sampling Ayumi's luxurious soaps as I soaked in the bath, I let out a deep sigh. I placed my hand up to my cheek, where the bruise was. My touch still stung, the delicate soaps doing nothing to soothe the pain.

I thought long and hard about everything. About Shuuya. About Jarrett. About Yukino. It was heavy to think about it, after all that I've been through. One killed himself, one got his heart broken, and the other turned abusive. I wonder if I was truly such a despicable human being to attract such horrendous luck.

After drying off in the bathroom and letting my hair dry in a turban, I slipped on the clothes that I had picked for myself. I spent the rest of the evening awkwardly lying down in bed with my phone, not willing to get out. Ayumi-chan seemed to be busy with her work to bother, and I wasn't going to go out there and be stuck with Jarrett. The way he looked at me was already scary enough.

Ah, Jarrett. I didn't want to think about what happened between us. My heart may yearn for him, but there was no way I could ever be with him. I'd rather die than betray Ayumi.

I fell asleep in the end, just about nine, exhausted from the happenings of the day.

I woke up early the next day, before anyone else. It was six in the morning. As I took my towel and mad my way to the bathroom, I noticed the door of the master bedroom was slightly ajar. I could see the couple in bed, Ayumi-chan in a lilac silk gown while a hint of Jarrett's shoulder peeked from the covers concealing his bare torso.

After showering and putting the clothes I wore yesterday, I set out for the kitchen. I suppose I could help make breakfast. It was the least I could do, after all that I've burdened Ayumi with.

I cooked some rice in the rice cooker, and took out the cold brew from the fridge, the one that Jarrett had made yesterday. I poured myself a cup and drank it black, as I made an omelette in the omelette pan, folding the layers of egg carefully.

As I cut the tofu into small pieces to put in the pot of simmering miso soup, I heard footsteps coming up from behind me. I turned around with a bright smile, intent on showing Ayumi my gratitude and laughing gently as I'd tell her not to worry about it. But it wasn't. It was Jarrett, standing there in nothing but a pair of sweatpants. His hair messy, and he looked pretty exhausted. The smile on my face slowly faded away.

Saying nothing, he went up beside me and poured himself a cup. As he brought it up towards his lips. I mumbled a 'good morning' under my breath.

He only grunted in reply, as he drank from the cup. He didn't even look at me. He seemed a bit affected by what I had said about Euan during dinner yesterday. Well, to be fair, I didn't really have anything between me and the Scot, we just met for goodness sake. I didn't get why Jarrett seemed a little jealous.

"It's not in your right to get jealous," I shot him down as I stirred the pot of clear soup, getting straight to the point. "Besides, Euan and I just met, so it's not like there's anything between us."

"Oh, you're on a first name basis already?" he asked sarcastically after he downed every last drop of coffee in one go. "Just met huh?"

"He was the one who told me to call him that," I replied. "He gets uncomfortable with the surname."

"Well I suppose you got him to call you Ayano too," the young man replied as he walked over to the sink to wash his cup.

I had enough of his jabs.

"Kashiwagi-san," I said, walking up to him. "Let me remind you that there is absolutely nothing going on between us. Nothing. What happened was a mistake. You don't have to get jealous about Euan and I, or me with anyone at all, because honestly there's nothing to be jealous over."

The young man looked at me with his dark brown eyes, straight into mine. The fluorescent light on the kitchen ceiling made his skin look smoother and even paler than ever. I could feel my heart thump in my chest, I could almost hear it in this forsaken silence.

Slowly, the young man placed his large palm on my cheek. I could feel my cheeks getting warmer as he gently caressed it. I almost let my feelings for him take over myself, but I didn't. It took every fibre of resolve for me to place my hand on his, and carefully pushed it away.

"I'm sorry," I muttered as I stepped away. "I have some cooking to do."

I walked away and returned to my cooking. The soup was almost done and I gave it a slight stir with the ladle. It was then when I felt the touch of his hand on mine. I let out a deep sigh, a guilty sigh, before I flicked his hand away.

"You know how I feel about you," he said, leaning in to whisper in my ear.

I took a step away from him, increasing the distance between us.

"And I'm sure you feel the same way about me," the young man continued.

I turned to look directly at him, only to find him returning my glare with a soft, gentle gaze. There was a soft, mellow sorrow in his dark brown eyes, almost like he was longing for me. I tried to deny it, to tell him that I had no feelings for him, that whatever he felt about me was just on his side, that I had no desire to reciprocate them. But I had no words, and I felt a quiver on my lips. My chest tightened as I stood there, speechless.

The young man took a step forward, to which I immediately turned away and opened the fridge, pretending to take something out.

"Go put on a shirt," I told him dismissively, without even looking behind. "It's inappropriate."

I heard him leave, and I heaved a sigh as I switched off the gas.

I scooped the rice into bowls, and laid out thee table. Jarrett came back with Ayumi, this time wearing some plain T-shirt that hugged his body. I instead focused my attention to Ayumi with her shiny lilac gown. Her hair was slightly messy, but it still looked graceful, if that made any sense. Perhaps it was just her aura.

"You didn't have to make breakfast," she said as she took her seat.

"It was the least I could do," I replied with a smile.

We sat there eating in silence most of the time. Ayumi-chan didn't really seem like she was in the mood for a conversation, and I wasn't going to talk to Jarrett, especially after what happened this morning.

"So, are we heading to your apartment now?" Ayumi-chan asked as she stood up, picking up her plate and Jarrett's.

"I guess it's up to you," I replied. " I mean it was your plan after all."

"Well then," she said as she walked up to the sink. "We'll go out after I shower. I need to wash my hair, but I won't take long. Hopefully."

With that, I spent most of my time in the living room waiting around for the couple to get ready. If we headed out now, Shuuya-kun would probably be out. But I still mentally prepared myself for the event that my, I suppose, ex-boyfriend was around. I don't even know if this was considered breaking up. I'm just abandoning him and never talking to him again. Perhaps I'll meet him at an awkward family reunion years down the line, but to me, anything between us was over.

It was then when I felt my phone vibrate. Taking it out of my handbag, I unlocked the screen to find that I had a text from Euan.

"Hey there, it was really nice meeting you and I really enjoyed talking to you. Do you want to meet today? What time will you be free?"

I couldn't help but smile. The Scotsman did seem pretty cute with his slightly curly hair, sky blue eyes and scruffy stubble. Not only that, he was also a rather good conversationalist. I wouldn't mind going out with him again, but I did have an afternoon lecture ending at three, and if I was going out with him again I'd like to choose a fresh good outfit and a shower, so I suppose that left me with dinnertime.

"How about six o'clock?" I suggested in my message sent in reply. "We could have dinner together."

It was a few minutes before I got a reply.

"Sure where would you like to meet?" he asked.

"I don't have a place in mind yet," I texted. "But why don't you meet me in front of Odori Station and we'll see where it goes. I have the whole day to think of a location so I'll tell you later."

"Cool," he replied. "I'll see you at six!"

He ended with a cute kaomoji, and I couldn't help but smile.

"What are you smiling about?"

I looked up and saw Ayumi-chan, dressed in a grey dress and black leggings. Her hair was conditioned and shiny, falling down to her shoulders. Her makeup was done immaculately, her usual cerise lipstick giving her an aura of elegance.

"No," I said giggling. "It's just that Euan messaged me, asking to meet again today. I told him I'll meet him for dinner, but I'm still not too sure. . ."

"Well if you're just meeting to have a friendly chat over some food, then I don't see why not?" the young woman said as she took her seat on the armchair. "I'm sure you're tired of just hanging out with Jarrett and I."

"No, I don't!" I laughed. "You two are the best people I could ever ask for."

After Jarrett finished getting ready, I put on my coat and got ready to leave. Slipping on my shoes, we headed to the station. It was a cold morning, but it was getting slightly warmer, given the advance of spring.

The trains heading out of the city centre weren't very crowded, thankfully, and we got to Nakanoshima without much hassle. I checked in my purse to make sure I had my keys with me. It would've been embarrassing if I brought the two of them all the way here without bringing my keys and ending up stuck outside. Even if that was the case I could call my aunt, I'm sure she could sneak in a break in her schedule and pass her keys to me. But I didn't want to inconvenience her, and luckily enough I had them with me.

We walked down the road by the river. It was just like how it was when I first arrived, white drifts of snow floating downstream. The snow was melting away, and brighter days were coming. The sky was beginning to get brighter as the sun rose in the east, threads of sunlight illuminating the entire plain in orange light.

The three of us walked past the convenience store, as well as the unagi store that Shuuya-kun and I once went before. I suppose the area held rather bittersweet memories for me.

We stepped into the lift of the apartment and alighted at the 11th storey. I brought the two of them down the corridor until we reached the end, where the apartment was. Nervously, I dug for my keys in my purse, before slotting it into the keyhole. I took a deep breath as I unlocked the door.

Looking inside, I breathed a sigh of relief. There didn't seem to be anyone around, and all the doors in the corridor were closed. I motioned to my left at the door to my room, signalling the way. I took off my shoes and stepped onto the slightly raised corridor.

It was then when the living room door opened. There he was, standing in the doorway, a surprised expression on his face. An awkward smile broke on his lips, as we stood at the opposing ends of the corridor.

I felt my heart beat faster, the fear slowly creeping back into my heart. But he didn't seem angry or threatened, this time. Yet even then I could not be so sure. I had no words for him, and I just froze. Not out of terror or because I was scared of him, I was just at a total loss at what to do.

"Hey," the young man said as he took a few steps towards me. "You're back."

I only looked at Ayumi-chan, who went up to me and linked my right arm with her left, standing somewhat protectively over me. My lips quivered, not knowing what to do. It was true, he did beat me, and what he did was indeed terrifying, but what was I to do now, now that he seemed alright?

"What's going on?" he asked. "Why'd you bring your friends over?"

I noticed in the corner of my eye that Ayumi had turned to Jarrett, giving him a knowing nod. She then pulled me along with her as we headed to my room, before closing the door behind us. I could hear Shuuya-kun rushing up to the door, but at the same time, I heard a thud on the door.

"I'm sorry man," I heard Jarrett say. "We're in a rush here, and we'd appreciate it if you just don't bother us."

I was about to eavesdrop again, but Ayumi-chan nudged me.

"Quick," she said. "Where's your luggage bag?"

I pointed towards the wardrobe, which the young woman quickly slid the door open. Snapping out of my confusion, I helped her pile my clothes into the bag neatly, folding the ones that were on the hangers, while arranging the ones which were already folded. I took the backpack which I had hanging behind the door and stuffed it with my laptop, chargers and stationery. We had brought a duffel bag from Ayumi's and we used it to stuff the things that couldn't fit in the luggage bag and we used it to pack whatever excess things I had. All this while I could hear Jarrett trying to reason with Shuuya-kun, my cousin's voice getting more agitated and frantic.

"There's just the toiletries left," I muttered as I zipped up the luggage bag. "They're in the bathroom."

"Do you want me to go get it?" Ayumi-chan offered, standing up.

"No, no," I muttered, shaking my head. "I can go get it myself."

"You be careful alright?" the young woman said to me as she pulled the luggage bag upright, making it stand on its wheels.

Taking a deep breath, I walked up to the door, before slowly opening it. Jarrett was standing by the door, shielding us from Shuuya-kun. The two young men immediately looked at me as I stood there.

My cousin's eyes were red, and he was trembling slightly. He looked at me with widened, desperate eyes, his lips quivering.

"Is it true, Ayano-chan?" he asked me. "Are you leaving me?"

Our eyes met for a while, before I took a hard turn without a word, walking down the corridor, heading to the bathroom. The anguish in his voice that morning, I could never forget. He broke down completely. As I grabbed whatever I had left in the bathroom, I heard his crying change to sobs, before breaking out into wails. I supposed it had devastated him, but deep inside I didn't really feel anything, really.

I returned to the sight of him crouched up in the ball in the corridor, shaking as he cried. Placing my toothbrush, lotions and perfume in the duffel bag, the three of us brought my things to the entrance of the house.

As I slipped on my shoes, I felt bad at the wreck of a young man crouched in a ball in front of me, back to the wall as he wailed. The tears were falling down his reddened face, and mucus was running down his nose. His breathing was shallow, interrupted by hiccups. Yet as I stood there bearing witness to this display of devastating anguish, I myself, deep in my heart, felt nothing. Perhaps it was because of what he did yesterday. Perhaps it was because I had never loved him at all.

Locking the door behind me, I never looked back.

The rest of the day passed rather quickly, if I recalled. First we reached Ayumi-chan's condominium, and unpacked my things. I mostly transferred the clothes to the closet, and my study materials to the desk. After an hour of packing, Jarrett had to go for his lecture, so Ayumi and I had a light lunch of some sandwiches, before we headed out for our afternoon lecture. Before I knew it, I was back at the apartment again, nervously selecting an outfit for my date that evening with Euan.

I eventually settled for an olive green dress, paired with black leggings and a beige cardigan. I was debating whether to tie my hair into a ponytail or do anything fancy with it, but in the end just settled for my usual centre-parted hair, letting the locks fall down to my shoulders. I took quite a bit of time touching up on my makeup, carefully applying the foundation and blush over my cheekbone to hide the bruise, which was much less prominent by now. But then again, I just wanted to make sure, and at least look presentable to Euan. I applied my mascara and adorned my lips with a muted peach hue.

"Well," Ayumi-chan said as I stepped out of the bathroom. "You're looking rather pretty."

"Presentable," I corrected her as I slipped into my brown coat.

I stepped back into my room to pick up my bag and made sure I had everything that I needed: phone, wallet, and emergency makeup. It was then when I noticed it, sitting on the desk. It was probably there when I left it after I unpacked, forgetting to tuck it away in the closet.

It was the ushanka, the one that Yukino-kun had gotten me so long ago. I nearly had forgotten even having it. Walking up to the desk, I put my palms around the fuzzy hat, the fur tickling my skin. It reminded me of the time we walked down the harbour, where he gave it to me. I could almost see the smile in his hazel eyes again. In the end, I decided it wasn't appropriate to put it on to head out for a date, so I tucked it away into the depths of my closet.

"Here," Ayumi-chan handed me a keycard. "I requested a spare for you. I still haven't replicated the keys yet, but I'll go to the locksmith tomorrow. I'll be at home, so don't worry about it. Just don't come back too late though, I might've already fallen asleep."

"Sure," I told her. "I won't be that long, I hope."

"Just in case," the young woman added. "You can always call Jarrett. He has the spare keys."

"Well then," I said as I slipped on my shoes. "I'll see you tonight."

I left the condominium, tapping out of the gate with my new key card. It was ten minutes to our meeting, six pm. I walked down the boulevard to the station entrance, it wasn't really that far. I decided to head into the mall and wait at the underground gantry gate, given the cold outside. The dinner crowd had begun, with throngs of people in the mall, and many more entering and leaving through the gantry gates. I wondered how many people have gone through those.

Seeing that I had some time left, I decided to go look at the storefronts in the vicinity. A chocolatier caught my eye, and I just looked through the glass display at the tin boxes of chocolate, decorated with bows and ribbons. The chocolate itself were in the shape of cherry blossoms, some were pale pink while others were white. The flavour was strawberry of course, which of course would be a much more palatable flavour in chocolate than cherry blossom.

It was then when I saw his reflection in the mirror as he approached. I immediately turned around and put on the sweetest smile I could.

"Hey," he said as he stood there right in front of me. "You look great this evening."

"You too," I replied, returning the compliment.

The young man was wearing a nautical jacket, paired with black pants. His reddish hair was as curly as ever, and his scruffy beard covered his chin and jaw. His eyes were sky blue, almost matched to the colour of his navy jacket. His thin red lips curled into a bashful smile.

"There's a place I know that serves all-day breakfast," Euan said, cocking his head to the side, while his hand buried deeply into his right pocket. "It's down the road from here, but it wouldn't be as crowded."

"Well, I don't mind walking this evening," I told him. "Where to?"

"It's south from here, by the tram loop," Euan replied. "We could take the tram if you'd like."

"No no," I said. "Like I said, walking is fine. And it's such a fine evening as well."

"Great," he said, his lips once again breaking out into that charming smile.

We walked through the mall and up the escalator towards the exit. We passed man cafes and restaurants, which was honestly fine by me, but if Euan said he knew a place, then I was fine following wherever he went.

"So how was your day today?" the young man asked as we stepped out into the street. "Hopefully not too bad."

"Well, it went fine I guess," I muttered in reply, a cold breeze hitting my face. "How about you?"

"I had an assignment due today," the young man said. "So last night was pretty hectic."

"And yet this morning you still had the time to ask if we could hang out?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"Well, I finished the entirety of the write-up before midnight," the young man chuckled. "And besides, you're a real interesting girl. Couldn't wait to see you again."

"And you're one interesting man," I said in reply.

"So how are things going with your uhh. . .boyfriend?" Euan asked as we crossed the street.

"I ditched him and left him a miserable wreck, curled up on the floor," I answered with a straight face.

There was an awkward silence as we reached the other side of the street. A gentle breeze blew against my hair while a streetcar chugged past on the tracks.

"Well," the young man finally said. "That was quick."

"I listened to some solid advice," I replied. "Besides I never really loved him."

"I'm glad you did so for your own good," the young man answered.

I said nothing, and continued following him. We soon reached a newer-looking building with bright neon signs and large shop fronts. We walked through the first storey of the mall, through throngs of people, but there weren't as many as there were around the vicinity of Odori Station.

"Well," Euan announced. "We're here."

We stood in front of a small café, which wasn't too crowded. We got ourselves a table for two, hanging our coats on the backrests of our chairs. The young man was wearing a white shirt underneath, the topmost buttons undone, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I noticed the hair on his pale chest. There was just a saturnine charm about him that I could not get enough of.

The young man seemed equally impressed the moment I put my coat away. I noticed his sky blue eyes fixated on me, clearly studying me.

"You're so pretty under your coat," the young man said, his pale cheeks a shade of faint red.

I could only smile at his compliment as I took my seat. Our gazes met, his blue eyes looking at me with such warmth, and I returned the look. His thin lips broke out into a smile and I did the same.

"Would you like coffee? Tea?" Euan asked me, his smile and the redness of his cheeks going nowhere.

"I guess I'll have tea," I replied, looking through the menu. "Apple tea sounds great."

"You don't like coffee?" the young man asked, raising his left eyebrow.

I couldn't help but feel a warmth rush to my cheeks. There was just a charm to him that just made me all bashful.

"I'm nervous too you know?" he said. "It's like our first official date."

"What was yesterday then?" I asked with a nervous laugh.

"Yesterday was just you accompanying a lonely man for lunch," he replied. "Nothing too. . .personal about that."

"I see," I replied. "Anyway about coffee. . . I just don't think I'll be able to sleep if I had a cup this late in the evening. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that the latest I'll actually drink it is in the afternoon."

A waitress arrived at our table and took down our orders. I ordered a mug of hot apple tea to accompany my dinner of eggs benedict with smoked salmon. Euan on the other hand, ordered a vanilla latte and a large breakfast platter. The waitress was about to walk away when the young man added a slice of oreo cheesecake to his order.

When the waitress finally left, I shot the young man a judging glare.

"What?" the young man chuckled. "I'm starving."

I only rolled my eyes. The young man had a rugged and spontaneous atmosphere to his character, something different compared to all my past relationships. Finally a young man without any overhanging gloominess, or one that deep in my heart made me feel guilty. Euan was new to me, just as I was new to him. He was someone I had no burdensome emotional baggage with. In a sense it was liberating.

The drinks soon arrived and I took a sip of my hot beverage. It was sweet an calming, the fragrance enough to put a smile on my lips.

"To be really honest," the young man confessed. "I spent quite some time figuring out what to wear. Even tried to comb my hair but my curls just won't cooperate today."

"No, no, you look fine," I said trying to reassure him. "In fact, I like your curls. I think they're really cool."

"Well, you look stunning compared to me," the young man replied. "I thought you looked pretty before, but when I saw that dress. . ."

The young man bit his lip.

"I had to look presentable don't I?" I said with a nervous laugh.

It seems the nervousness was mutual. I almost forgot how unnerving going out with strangers were, after all that's happened. I finally want to enjoy a normal life again.

"Well, looks like you overdid yourself," the young man said with a slight chuckle.

There was a short moment of silence as the two of us sipped on our drinks.

"Do you think what I did was right?" I asked.

The Scotsman looked a bit confused at my question, furrowing his brows.

"Leaving my boyfriend," I clarified. "I also moved out. Don't think I'll be seeing him a lot anymore."

"Oh," the young man replied, putting his latte down on the table. "I don't know, really. I'm not in a position to judge, I don't know you that well."

"Exactly," I said. "You don't know me, and I don't know you. It's just that it's nice to have some new perspective from time to time, start all fresh, like a new canvas. You get what I mean?"

"Mhm," he grunted with his rugged charm. "Totally. I feel that way sometime to. Anyway, back to you. I suppose if you're doing what you think is for the best, then it's right, I guess. I suppose suffering through abuse is something someone should never ever go through, no matter the circumstances. I'm glad you've got the strength to move on."

"Thank you," I muttered. "You're so sweet."

"Nah, it's nothing," the young man brushed it off. "You're the one who should be proud of yourself."

It was then when our food arrived. My eggs benedict looked absolutely palpable, the eggs covered with hollandaise sauce, while underneath lay a layer of reddish smoked salmon and avocado, all cradled by a brownish bun that seemed crispy even by the looks of it. My date's dish seemed more impressive, scrambled eggs over toasted ciabatta bread, a salad consisting of greens, cherry tomatoes and almonds, a side of sautéed portabello mushrooms, as well as a few strips of bacon and a pair of Vienna sausage.

"Anyway, you know, this is kind of lame but I've been thinking about what you said," the young man said, after we had sampled our food.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"About what you said," he continued. "About moving on, about meeting someone new. Starting fresh."

"And?"

"I just thought that it's pretty relevant for me, for you," the young man replied. "For us."

I only kept quiet. I suppose what he said was true. Deep in my heart I knew it was. Ever since I was with Yukino I never really had a fresh start. I always burdened by the past, burdened by emotions, burdened by scars I could not see. But in the sky blue eyes of this young man, I saw something else.

With that, Euan picked up his glass of half-finished latte and held it up.

"This is kind of lame," he chuckled. "But I think we should have a toast."

I giggled and held up my mug of tea as well.

"A toast," the young man said with a charming smile. "To starting anew."

We clinked glasses, and I brought my mug to my lips, sipping from it, even though I had already drank half of the tea. But it didn't matter. In my chest, I felt like a burden had been lifted, and I couldn't express how great it felt. I looked at the young man as he drank his latte, a white moustache of foam forming over his upper lip, contending with his real, ginger one. Our eyes met for a while, and I couldn't help but feel my heart skip a beat.

In the sky blue eyes of the young man, I saw the future.