Origami Girl

Chapter 30: Miss Otemo I

"Miss Otemo

Weren't you married just recently?

As a matter of fact, I was. However,

Since my husband's face is all pockmarked,

We haven't had a proper ceremony."

-Otemoyan, Kumamoto Prefecture Folk Song

"Summer is always so short so far north," I said as the lecture ended.

"Of course," Yoshimura-san answered. "But there are quite a few things you can do in Summer which you can't do in other seasons."

"Such as?" I asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "Going to the beach, like what most people like to do."

"Do you like going to the beach, Yoshimura-san?"

"Honestly, not very much. I'll get sand everywhere." she replied. "Anyway, you don't have to be so formal with me. We're friends remember? Just call me by my first name already."

"So I can call you Ayumi-chan?" I asked.

It felt weird coming out of my mouth for the first time. I was too used to calling her Yoshimura-san. But she did have a very nice name.

"Of course," she replied. "Although I admit, it's very rare people call me that."

I giggled.

"You can call me Ayano-chan too then," I said.

Spring had turned to summer. The passing of the months made me more comfortable in Sapporo. I was getting used to where things were, and how things worked. For once, I felt like I fit in. I busied myself, and I was beginning to overcome the grief that I had come to Sapporo with, the excess baggage that clung itself onto my dragging feet.

"Where are you going after this?" I asked her as we walked down the lane cutting through the campus grounds.

"Well, it's Tuesday today," she replied. "That means I have a Literature Society meeting at two."

I took out my phone and looked at the time. It was eleven.

"That means you have some free time then," I said. "You want to go for lunch together?"

"That's fine with me," the young woman answered.

The two of us went to a small ramen shop not far away from our campus. It wasn't the first time we were there, having discovered it a few weeks ago when we stumbled upon it after I followed Ayumi-chan to settle something at the post office.

The place was pretty modest, nothing too grand, a far cry from the French restaurant in the hotel Ayumi-chan had taken me to the first time we met. Nevertheless Ayumi-chan didn't seem to mind.

The place wasn't crowded yet, since we managed to beat the lunch crowd. We both ordered two bowls of shoyu ramen and waited for them to arrive. Ayumi-chan ordered a serving of gyoza added on to it.

"What do you do at the meetings?" I asked her, starting a conversation as Ayumi-chan checked something on her phone.

"Sorry," she replied, putting her phone away into her handbag. "What was it? Are you talking about the Literature Society?"

"Yeah, that," I said.

Our drinks arrived, two glasses of iced green tea.

"Well, we generally talk about books, of course," she replied. "Sometimes we just share what we found interesting about a book or a certain text."

"I have nothing to do after this," I said to her. "Is it all right if I come along? It's just pretty boring sitting at home with nothing to do."

"I don't think you'd enjoy it there," she said, telling me her honest opinion. "You know, you're not supposed to go there just because you wanted to follow me. You'd just get bored and it would be rather unfair for you to be doing something you don't really like."

"Then what should I do this afternoon?" I asked.

"Don't you have anybody else you can hang out with?" she asked me. "I'm sure you know one or two other people at least."

I only giggled awkwardly.

"Well. . . There's my cousin, but he's always so busy with his own things," I said, pressing my palm against my cheek. "Besides, he's in another university. . .So I can only meet him after classes and after he's done with everything."

"Is that it?" Ayumi-chan asked. "Don't you know any other people? How about that Eurasian kid?"

"Him?" I said. "Well, honestly we're not really speaking to each other anymore, so I don't think it's a good idea for me to try to hang out with him."

"Oh yes, how could I forget," Ayumi-chan replied. "You rejected him."

"Yes, and I feel quite bad about it," I answered. "It's too awkward to address anyway. Besides, I doubt he took it very lightly. I may have brushed him off a little too harshly."

"Well, I guess if that's the case then you can't do anything about it."

I sighed.

"Moving on," Ayumi-chan said. "Did I just list down every single person other than me who talks to you?"

"Honestly, yes."

"We," Ayumi-chan sighed. "We have to fix this."

All our orders arrived at the same time. The plate of gyoza was put between us both.

"Well help yourself," Ayumi-chan said, pushing the plate of gyoza closer towards me.

"No, it's fine," I thanked her. "I think just this bowl for me will do."

The ramen honestly reminded me of the time Kashiwagi-kun brought Sayaka-chan and I to that store back in Hakodate when he lost that semi-final. Right after I had a big argument with Yukino-kun about those stupid chocolates. Well, I guess I shouldn't have reacted that way with my boyfriend. If only I didn't spend so much time with him arguing over meaningless things. In the end, it wasn't like he was cheating with Kameko-chan or anything. All I did was doubt him when the whole time he had been loyal. If we hadn't wasted all that time, we could have spent more time together doing more meaningful things in that limited time we were blessed with.

In the end, he was the one always doing the apologising, as if the fault was all his, when in truth, I was the one being responsible for most of the problems that cropped up during the time we were together.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Ayumi-chan asked me as she slurped her servings up with her chopsticks.

"Ah," I replied, picking up my chopsticks. "Of course."

"You seem to be affected by something," she said as she pulled up a few strands of ramen. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," I replied. "I was just thinking of something."

"Well, I'm not forcing you, but if you want to talk about it, feel free," she said. "I'll be more than glad to help."

"Thanks," I muttered. "Maybe one day."

An awkward silence fell upon the both of us for a while.

"Anyway," Ayumi-chan said. "We were talking about how you need to uh –mix around more."

"We were."

"Have you ever thought about joining a club?" she asked. "You do have a lot of free time, you know?"

"Well. . ." I replied. "I'm not really too sure about that."

"So you're telling me you'd rather sit around at home waiting for your cousin like a housewife? Running out with your apron greeting him 'welcome back?'" she chuckled. "Not like I'm demeaning housewives or anything, but I certainly cannot imagine you doing that."

"Well, I'll be bored to death waiting around at home all day."

"Not if you have kids," she said. "Besides, being a housewife without children is busy enough."

"Hm."

"We've strayed again," Ayumi-chan said. "We were talking about clubs."

"You were," I corrected her jokingly.

"Yes, I was," she said. "Because somebody here doesn't want to expand her social network and get to know people."

"Fine, go on."

"So as I was saying," she said. "Joining a club would greatly help you out. You should find something that interests you. Or you could try out something new."

"Interests you say. . ." I pondered.

"Well clubs are more formal and they go for competitions and all those kinds of things. It's like in senior high school," Ayumi-chan explained. "While circles are more informal and it's great if you just want to mix around and meet more people."

"I see," I replied. "I don't feel like wanting to be bogged down by unnecessary commitments."

"Then a circle's great for you then," she added. "Just find one that suits you."

"Honestly I'm not too sure about this," I told her honestly. "I don't even know what I like. I'm a pretty boring person."

"Well, it doesn't hurt to try new things," she said to me. "They're quite a few interesting circles out there. They also don't meet up too much, so you should be able to make it for the meet-ups or whatever they have."

"The posters are usually at the notice boards at the student affairs centre," she added.

"Well thanks," I said to her. "I'd try to look around, I guess."

After we were done with lunch, Ayumi-chan returned to campus, while I went ahead and headed directly to the station. I thought about what Ayumi-chan had said. It was true. I didn't really have many friends. I guess it was about time I actually tried to meet new people. This was after all, I had promised myself, a fresh new start for me. It wouldn't be a truly fresh start if I didn't mix around with new people. Sapporo was huge, I was sure that there were at least some people that I could relate to.

When I reached home, there was no one to be seen. Of course. My aunt was at work and Shuuya-kun was probably at the hospital. Everybody was busy except for me. I was somewhat envious of them. I really should try to get something to do.

As I sat on the dining table and looking through my French verb charts, I couldn't help but think of the club or circle that I could participate in. Honestly, I didn't know. I couldn't really see myself participating in any sports. I only joined track and field because of Kameko-chan, and stayed on because of Yukino-kun. In reality I had no interest whatsoever in track and field. I tried to do the same in university, but Ayumi-chan herself wanted me myself to choose what I were to take part in, so I couldn't just tag along with her. I guess I had no choice but to actually think for myself this time round.

It was awhile before I grew bored reading my French notes, and looked up at the clock. It was nearly six. The both of them would be back anytime soon. I decided that I should do the cooking for once and went ahead with preparing dinner. I decided to work with whatever there was in the fridge, and was glad that Shuuya-kun had gone to the supermarket recently.

Things between Shuuya-kun and I weren't exactly back to normal but neither of us seemed to want to talk about the incident last spring, so I just let him be. It was entirely my fault anyway. Thankfully, my aunt knew nothing about this whole fiasco.

For dinner I decided to go with something simple. I found two fillets of mackerel and halved them. We were going to have grilled mackerel and vegetables. Of course, I also couldn't finish without miso soup. As I busied myself in the kitchen, I heard the door open. I was done grilling the fish, and was only left with setting up the table, so I just turned off the flame and ran off to the door. I always made it a point to be polite to my aunt. After all, I was basically (call it what you will) freeloading at her place.

"Okaerinasai," I said as I opened the living room door.

In the end, it wasn't my aunt who was there, but my nineteen-year old cousin. He looked at me, his left eyebrow raised, his eyes peeking from the gaps in his fringe. He was still in his nursing uniform, his backpack hanging behind from his shoulders.

Only then did I realise I had my apron on as well as a ladle in my left hand. It seemed that Ayumi-chan may or may not have predicted my situation earlier.

Then there was a snicker.

"What are you doing wearing that?" he asked, a smirk on his face as he tossed off his shoes.

"What do you think I was doing?" I retorted, my cheeks starting to become red.

"You're making dinner again," he said, folding his arms. "Look, I told you you don't have to hassle yourself with meals. I'll do it."

"But you've just gotten back from the hospital," I argued. "I've been at home the whole afternoon, Shuuya-kun. At least let me help out."

"Look," he replied. "You just go and take a shower or something, I'll finish up in the kitchen."

With that, he walked up to me, still in his pale blue nursing uniform, his hand reaching for my palm with the ladle.

"Just give it to me," he said, his deep brown eyes looking down at me.

"Look," I tried to reason with him, backing away. "You're tired and you've just come back. You should rest for a while."

"You don't trouble yourself so much," he insisted, taking another step towards me. "Just let me do the rest."

"No-"

The next thing I felt was the hard surface of wood against my back. My cousin had me pinned against the closed door.

I looked up and found myself directly staring into his deep brown eyes. He had his elbow against the door as he looked down at me. His lips were slightly parted, a darker shadow befalling upon his smooth cheeks. I could see him breathe as his broad shoulders moved up and down gently. A few beads of sweat dotted his neck.

I felt my heart throbbing in my ribcage. My breaths were shallow. I groped around with my right palm against the door behind me, looking for the doorknob. The moment I felt my fingers grab hold against the cold metal, I heard the jingling of keys. I gulped. It was my aunt.

Without thinking, I jammed my elbow hard at his chest, before opening the door and slamming it shut behind me. I was sure I could hear him groan, but I was too panicked at that moment to know what to do. Taking a few deep breaths, I leaned against the door. The living room was empty. The sliding door to the balcony was wide open, the curtain flying gently in the breeze. I heard my aunt's voice as she announced her arrival, and Shuuya-kun's voice in reply. I realised I still had the ladle in my hand, so I rushed back to the kitchen to scoop the rice into bowls while the fish and vegetables went into their own little plates. I had the table laid out and was about to pour the cold barley tea into the cups when the living room door opened and both my aunt and my cousin appeared. Both of them were still in their work clothes.

"Oh, you already prepared dinner?" my aunt asked me. "That's nice of you."

"It's nothing," I replied. "I was home early anyway."

"Well, it looks pretty delicious," she said, heading to her seat.

The three of us went to our seats, my aunt beside me while Shuuya-kun sat directly in front of me.

"Ittadakimas," I muttered under my breath.

I picked up my bowl and chopsticks but at the same time I stole a few glances at my cousin. He didn't look up and ate his food in silence. My aunt seemed to have read the mood and kept to herself most of the time, only interrupting the silence when she had to check with her son about something that sounded rather important. It was truly a very awkward dinner. I didn't even feel like praising my own cooking, although I was surprised it was rather delicious.

I broke the silence as I stood up with my empty bowls stacked, the legs of my chair dragging against the wooden floor. I went back to the kitchen and realised the pots and pans were still on the stove. Fortunately, it wasn't too much of a mess, so I didn't really need to worry about it.

"Thanks so much for the dinner," I heard my aunt's voice coming from behind me.

I turned around as my hands scrubbed my plates in the sink.

"Why don't I do the dishes for today?" she offered.

"Oh no, it's all right," I replied. "You must be really tired after work, so it'll be fine to just leave everything to me."

"That's really nice of you," she smiled, placing her dishes and utensils on the countertop beside me. "Thank you."

"It's not an issue," I reassured her. "It just makes me glad that I get to help around the house."

With that, my aunt left the kitchen and I went on with the dishes. While I went about with that, I looked behind to check if Shuuya-kun was still at the table, which I expected him to be. What I never expected was to see him standing in the kitchen entrance directly behind me.

There he was standing inches from me, his pale blue nursing uniform clinging onto his broad shoulders. I admit it, it got me a little scared, especially after what had happened earlier. Being in such close quarters with my cousin ever since that episode in my futon had always been awkward.

His sudden appearance made me step backwards out of reflex, and I felt my heel jam against his toes. I didn't dare look at his face.

"Are you all right?" he asked me, stepping back as I quickly returned to my dishes, pretending nothing had ever happened. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

I could feel my heart thump in my chest.

"Y-yeah," I muttered. "Of course. It's fine."

"And I'm really sorry about just now as well," he said, standing next to me at the sink.

"Honestly it's fine, I can do this," I told him. "You've already done so much."

"It's okay," he replied, rinsing his chopsticks. "I'll help you out. You've already cooked dinner, and I can't just let you clean up everything on your own."

"Thank you," I mumbled awkwardly. "That's really nice of you."

Shuuya-kun helped me settle his own plates and bowls, as well as most of the pans I had left on the stove. Truth be told, I didn't really do much ever since my cousin took over, but I was pretty grateful that he decided to help out. He was pretty nice to me even though he seemed like he didn't really like me at first.

As he scrubbed the base of the grilling pan with the sponge, I couldn't help but notice his toned biceps, half-covered by the short sleeves of his nursing uniform. He did mention how he worked out at the gym at his campus, so I guess it wasn't much of a surprise. Yet, I still couldn't help staring, keeping my lips sealed as my hands automatically washed the remaining utensils.

"Umm. . ." he said, breaking the silence, an awkward smile parting his lips. "Can I help you?"

"A-ah," I muttered, turning to look down at my hands scrubbing the last plate in the sink. "Nothing. It's nothing."

"Right."

I bit my lip. My cheeks were warm. He must have realised what I was doing. How embarrassing. I merely tried to pretend that nothing happened, and once I was done, I patted my palms dry on some hand towels. We both finished cleaning our shares around the same time. I guess I really did need his help, or I would have taken all evening.

"Well, uh. . ." he said to me right after we were done. "I'm going to go take a shower so. . . yeah."

I just kept silent and nodded my head.

"I guess I didn't have to tell you that," he mumbled, scratching the back of his head with his right hand. "Sorry."

I merely smiled and went back to my room. I wanted to ask him a few questions on clubs, but I guess that would have to wait a while. After all, he had just come back from work, so it wasn't very nice for me to hold him up asking him useless questions. I let him have some time to freshen up and rest before harassing him, so I decided to revisit my French verb chart in the meanwhile, and after he was done in the shower, I took my turn as well.

I was already dressed in my pyjamas when I found the perfect opportunity to talk to my cousin. It was roughly around nine o'clock when I passed by his room to get a glass of water. It was slightly ajar, and I could see him, clad in a green t-shirt and white shorts, sitting at his desk. He was probably studying again. I had an idea to ease myself in there without seeming too awkward, so I got myself to it.

There was still some hot water left in the thermos flask, so I brewed a mug of coffee. I didn't know if he liked his coffee black or with milk, so I just left it black. I could always ask him if he wanted any milk or sugar afterwards. Well, I guess he was the type who drank his coffee plain and bitter.

Mug in my right hand and my feet clothed in bunny slippers I found in Momoka-chan's wardrobe, I made my way to Shuuya-kun's room. The door was still ajar, and he was still at his desk. I could my hear thumping in my chest, but I took a deep breath to calm myself down before knocking on the door.

"M-may I come in?" the words barely audible for him to hear me across the room.

"Yeah," he said, turning his neck around to look at me. "What is it?"

"It's nothing," I muttered as I entered the room.

I walked over to him as he eyed me, and placed the mug on his desk. It was a bit of a mess, but I managed to find a space to put it in the midst of all the stationery and papers. He seemed to be reading something, annotated with thick streaks of luminous blue highlighter ink.

"Oh, thanks," he said, a tired smile on his lips. "I really needed that."

"Do you want any sugar or milk to go with it?" I asked. "I made it black just in case you wanted it that way."

"Black's fine," he said, picking up the mug. "Thank you so much."

I stood there, leaning against the wall, watching him drink his coffee. I watched him as he blew the surface of the thick black coffee, his lips slightly parting as he sipped it slowly. Our eyes met as his lips rested on the rim.

"So, uhh," he muttered. "Yeah, I'm trying to study."

I guess he wanted me to leave, but I wasn't going to, not until I got to talk to him. I was planning to pay the student affairs building a visit the next day, and I wanted to make sure that my trip wasn't wasted.

"I wanted to ask you something," I finally began. "If that's okay with you."

Shuuya-kun spun his chair around, leaving his mug on the desk.

"Well. . ." he muttered. "What is it?"

"I wanted to ask you if you're participating in any activities in university," I said, stepping away from the wall. "I was thinking of joining a circle."

"Well, I'm not really too good at this socialising thing so I don't really feel the need to join any circles," he said, stretching his arms in front of him. "It's not like I have the time to participate in the first place."

"Ah, I see," I said.

"I used to be in baseball in senior high school though, and in junior high school too," he told me. "But yeah, that was in school."

"Why didn't you join the baseball team at your university?" I asked him. "You've had quite a lot of experience."

"Nah, I'd rather not," he said. "I already have my part-time job taking up most of my free time. Besides, baseball only brings back bad memories."

"Well, I'm sorry I asked you that," I apologised.

"My father loved baseball," he said. "He even took me to a game once at the dome."

"That must have been nice," I said. "I've never been to a sports game before."

"Well, you should, but that's only if you actually like the sport, or there won't be any fun in that," he chuckled.

"So you like baseball?" I asked him, somewhat redundantly.

"You could say so," he replied. "Anyway, how about you? What activities were you into back in school?"

"Well, I was in gymnastics for some while, then it closed down so I moved on to track and field," I told him.

"So you're quite a sporty girl eh?" he chuckled. "I don't really see one."

"That's probably because I'm not," I said. "I only joined gymnastics because of a friend, and track and field too. I only sat there and didn't really do much for a fact."

"Ah, that explains it," he said. "So you just joined in those clubs even though you weren't really into sports?"

"Well, my boyfriend was in track, so I figured out I might as well stick even though I was getting bored," I replied.

"Oh, I see," he said. "You have a boyfriend? Is he in Sapporo?"

I fell silent for a while. I didn't mean to bring the conversation to this instead.

"No, he isn't," I said, fidgeting uncomfortably with my fingers.

"So he's back in Hakodate?" my cousin questioned me. "At least you get to see him when you go back."

"No, it's not that," I replied.

Well, technically he was, probably in one of the temple graveyards. Well at least that was what I assumed.

"Well," he said, raising his eyebrows. "Then where is he?"

I said no words for a while, and looked down at the wooden floor.

"He's. . .not here anymore." I said, trying my best not to sound too sad. "Yeah."

"Ah," Shuuya-kun muttered awkwardly, looking away. "I'm really sorry for asking something so insensitive."

"It's fine," I replied. "You didn't know."

"So I guess that's why you seemed quite down when you arrived?" he said. "It must be pretty recent I suppose."

"He died in March," I told him, pushing a strand of hair away from my face. "He hung himself."

Shuuya-kun nodded in solemn silence.

"I'm really sorry about what happened," he said to me. "But if you want to talk about it then. . . I'll try my best to help you in any way I can."

"That's really sweet of you," I said.

"Don't mention it," he said, his cheeks turning red. "After all, I do have a lot to make up for."

"Come on," I sighed. "I told you we were over all those already. Stop feeling bad about it all right?"

"Yeah but-"

"That was ten years ago," I told him. "Seriously, it's okay. I'm not mad at you so stop feeling so guilty. Besides, you yourself were going through a tough time back then."

"Let's not talk about me," he said. "I'm more concerned about you at this point."

"Don't worry about me," I said. "I'm fine. It's just a little hard to get through on my own in this new place."

"I totally understand," he replied, a shy smile parting his lips. "Like I said, I'm there if you need me."

"Thanks," I muttered, flashing him a smile in return. "Anyway, how long do you plan on studying?"

"Probably once I'm finished annotating this chapter," he replied. "Thankfully your coffee would be a great help."

With that, he turned back to his desk, while I made my way out of his room. I was about to leave his room when I stole another glance at my cousin at his desk. He must have felt so exhausted after a long day at the hospital.

I approached him again, but he didn't seem to notice. I silently tried to calm myself down. I tried to reassure myself that what I was about to do was only because I really felt like he needed it, and not because I was trying to take advantage of the situation or anything along those lines.

Shuuya-kun still had his eyes on his stack of notes on his desk, his right hand moving as he wrote notes on the sides. My heart in my throat, I brought my palms hovering above his broad shoulders and slowly lowered them.

The moment my palms rested on him, he immediately turned his neck. I could feel his shoulders tensing up beneath my touch.

"A-Ayano-chan," he stuttered. "What are you doing?"

"Just relax," I said to him, although I was rather tensed up myself. "It's just a little something to help out."

"A-alright then," he replied. "Do whatever you like."

I heard him clipping the cap back to his highlighter, and he held it in his right hand. The back of his ears were bright red. I was sure he was blushing even though he never turned to face me.

I moved my palms and fingers slowly at first, trying to figure out how this massage thing worked. The side of my palm was touching the base of his neck. His muscles were tense, but I wasn't sure whether they were the way they were out of physical stress or because he was just nervous that I was touching him.

Truth be told, I was pretty nervous. I had never given anyone a massage before. It was an awkward situation, but I just told myself to pretend that I was massaging my mother. Or my aunt. Or my annoying brother. Anyone but my cousin with toned muscles who was nearly twenty in his own right.

The way my fingers squeezed and moved didn't seem to ease the tense muscles or help him relax, so without knowing better, I decided to add a little more pressure to it.

"Ah," he grunted. "That hurts."

"I-I'm sorry," I apologised nervously, my heart thumping in my chest.

I went on gently massaging his shoulders for the next few minutes or so in silence, trying my best not to cause him any pain, although admittedly I did a pretty bad job at that. It was not long before my palms were tired, so I stopped rubbing his broad shoulders altogether.

"Well," Shuuya-kun said, rolling his shoulders nearly immediately after my hands left them. "That was good."

"I'm sorry I hit a few bad spots," I replied shyly. "It seemed quite painful there."

"You pressed the spot between the shoulder blades," he chuckled. "Of course it hurts."

I merely giggled nervously in response.

"Anyway," he continued, facing his desk, his hands busying themselves looking for some stationery in his pencil case. "Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden? Could it be that you like me or something?"

I knew he was just teasing, but his words caught me by surprise nonetheless. I could feel my cheeks heat up, and I looked down towards the floor. In the corner of my eye I could see him spin his chair around, probably after realising that I did not say anything in response.

"I-I'm just messing around," he said, fidgeting with his fingers. "Sorry about that. Yeah, I'm a horrible person."

With that, I heard him heave a sigh, before turning around and returning to his studies. I left his room, this time for good.

As I lay down in my futon that night, tucked underneath, I couldn't help but feel my heart thump in my chest. I couldn't get what had happened out of my mind. I didn't know why I even wanted to give him a massage in the first place. I didn't even know how to give a proper one, evidenced by how Shuuya-kun's shoulders were probably worse off than how they were at first. Yet I still did so, and he didn't stop me. I sighed.

It's funny how the scrawny young boy who pushed me into the moat ten years ago had grown up to be a strong, responsible and attractive young man. Turning my head around I tried to close my eyes. I felt a little bad about what I did, considering even Yukino-kun didn't get such a thing for me. The only times I did something close to that was probably me hitting him playfully when he said something dirty. Only that.

And Shuuya-kun and I didn't even have anything between us.

I didn't even know what I was doing anymore.

I had a morning lecture the next day, so I got up early for breakfast and a cold shower. I ended up waking up before Shuuya-kun, so I used the shower beforehand and got myself ready. Breakfast was nothing much, a little rice with some miso soup, but I was fine with it. Shuuya-kun had rushed through with it since he woke up late, so I didn't complain. It was already seven-thirty.

"I was just so tired," he said to me as we ate, his hair still ruffled.

He looked funny with some of his hair standing up, but I tried my best not to giggle. After all, what happened yesterday was already awkward enough.

"You were studying so hard," I said, not really knowing what to say. "You should rest more."

"I wish I had more time to do that," he chuckled, wiping his palm over his face. "There's so much work to do."

"Well summer break is coming soon," I said. "Then at least you could relax for a while. You deserve it."

"You planning on doing anything?" he asked me. "You're not going back to Hakodate?"

"Well I might," I said. "But I'm not so sure. "

"If you're going, then the both of us might as well go down too," he said. "It's been a year since I came to Hakodate, so I kind of miss it."

"Well," I replied. "We'll have to see when your mother is free."

"It's summer vacation," he assured me. "I'm sure she'll be free."

"Anyway," I said to him. "When is your summer break starting? I mean, your work attachment and all that –it doesn't affect it, right?"

"Well, at the end of this month," he said. "But I have a training program until the first Wednesday, so we can't leave so early."

"I haven't seen my parents in months," I mused.

"Well, you could always go with my mother first," he said. "I'm pretty sure she's free the whole of the first week. I can join the both of you guys after I'm done with everything."

"It's fine, I can wait a few days," I assured him. "Besides, do you even know how to get to my house?"

The young man chuckled.

"Now that you mentioned it," he said, shaking his head. "Not really."

"Yeah, you came by car didn't you last year," I recalled. "You sold it didn't you? Your family sold it, I mean."

"University isn't cheap," he replied, stretching his arms. "So we when my sister was in the second year of high school we moved from our house to this tiny apartment. Then last year we sold our car. All because my mother planned out to pay our enrolment fees and all those other expenses."

"She's a very responsible mother," I said, nodding my head.

"I already knew that," came my cousin's swift answer.

We were done with breakfast at around quarter to eight, so I offered to clean up while Shuuya-kun took a shower. He agreed. He was late anyway.

Once I was done with the dishes I found him waiting for me by the entrance hall, decked in his light blue nursing uniform and black shoes. His haversack was hanging from his broad shoulders, the same shoulders I was massaging yesterday. I couldn't help but felt my heart skip a beat when I thought about what happened last night. My cousin didn't seem too bothered, from what it seemed. But I knew he always tried to hide his feelings and act tough and apathetic. Well, just like somebody I once knew.

"Aren't you already late?" I questioned him as I tied my shoelaces. "You don't have to wait for me. I can go on my own you know? I'm still early."

"It's fine," he chuckled. "I like walking with you."

I looked at him as we stood up, and our gazes met for a brief moment before he turned away. His cheeks were slightly red.

"N-No," he muttered. "I-I didn't mean to sound that way."

"Yeah. . ." I said, equally as nervous. "I get it."

With that, he unlocked the door and we both left the apartment.

It was a typical summer morning. The cool morning wind blew in from the north, but it was anything but chilling. The neighbourhood was beginning to clamour with activity, mothers with their children in tow to drop off at school and office workers making their way to the station.

The background noise contrasted clearly with the fact that the both of us weren't talking. I looked at Shuuya-kun, and realised he carried his bag on only one shoulder, letting it swing as he walked. He noticed me observing him, and gave me a puzzled look on his face. I only gave him an awkward smile, pretending I wasn't totally staring at him like some creep.

"Usually you wear your own clothes right?" I asked my cousin, trying to make a conversation as we walked side by side.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well," I began, adjusting a strand of hair that strayed away because of the wind. "You usually wear jeans and a hoodie when you go to work, or a shirt, and you bring your uniform to work and change there."

"Oh that," he replied. "I guess I'm in a rush today, so I can't afford to waste time changing."

"And you're in a rush," I pointed out. "So you could afford walking to the station with me."

We both stopped at the pedestrian crossing. I tilted my head slightly and folded my arms. I had my eyes on him. His cheeks were red.

"W-well," he muttered, scratching the back of his head. "Y-you're getting it wrong! It's nothing like that, Ayano-chan!"

He stuffed his hands in his pockets. The two of us waited for the light to turn before crossing.

"L-look," I muttered after we reached the other side. "I was just teasing you, relax."

"Yeah," he said, laughing awkwardly. "I knew that."

"Of course," I mouthed.

I didn't really need an answer anyway. It's not that I didn't like his presence or anything along those lines. I was fine with him walking with me to the station and taking the train together. I just found the way he acted really adorable sometimes. I was tempted to tease him about it, but I felt a little bad if I pushed him too much, so I just kept to myself.

After having lived in Sapporo for a few months, commuting through and fro between campus and my aunt's place, I decided that Kashiwagi-kun had been right all along and decided to get myself a daily concession pass for the city's transit systems. After all, it was a chore to buy tickets, especially in the morning when the lines at the machines were long. In the end, at the end of April I decided to head over to the ticketing office and got myself my own concession pass that wasn't swallowed up by the machine at the end, so travelling became much less of a hassle.

"What time are you done with everything?" Shuuya-kun suddenly asked me as we waited for the train at the platform.

"Well," I said, adjusting my handbag strap. "If everything goes according to plan then my lecture will end at eleven."

"You don't have anything after that?" he asked. "No club activities or anything?"

"I don't participate in any," I told him. "Although I was planning to look at the recruitment posters today for something interesting. I have too much free time on my hands."

"Do you have any particular club in mind?" he asked. "You should have a rough idea of what you want to join, right?"

"Honestly," I replied. "Not really. I mean, I'm not really sure what I want to join. So I'm just going to go to the noticeboards and see if anything interests me."

"Ah," he said, nodding. "I'm sure there'd be something quite interesting for you."

"I sure hope so," I replied. "But I'm mostly doing this to meet new people."

The train pulled up at the station and the both of us boarded. Shuuya-kun and I managed to get the seats next to the door, where we sat the last time.

"If that's the case," Shuuya-kun said, continuing our conversation. "You don't really bother what kind of gathering it is then, just so long as you get to meet new people."

"Yeah," I replied. "But I'd like to meet people with the same interest, you know. I can't just join any circle, or I'll probably feel left out."

"You do have a point," he reiterated. "But you see, most people who join circles aren't really that serious about it, so I'm sure they won't mind if one or two of their members joined without actually having any experience with the hobby."

"I'm still not sure though," I said. "I'll just look and see. I guess there might be something that interests me. I hope."

"I'm sure there will," he replied.

I shifted around in my seat for a while, before I had the urge to ask my cousin more about his days in school.

"Anyway," I said. "If we ignore the fact that something didn't work out between you and other club members in school? How was your experience?"

"Well, I was on the school team," he began, fidgeting with his fingers. "So I did get to play a few matches or so in the prefecturals."

"That must be nice," I said. "I guess being a school player made you quite popular huh."

"Not at all," he replied. "I never really talked to anyone at school so I was always that kid with no friends. Not like I was really concerned about it. Maybe I did talk to a few people, but I never really considered them friends."

"So you're telling me you've never really had a close friend?" I asked out of curiosity.

"I did hang out with a few of my teammates in senior high school," he replied. "But I never really felt like they were my friends."

"Well," I said. "Did they treat you like close friends?"

"Kind of," he muttered. "I guess. But I'm not really too sure about how I felt about them."

"What do you feel about them?" I questioned.

"Okay that's enough," the young man snapped, running his fingers through his thick black hair. "Like I said, talking about baseball just brings back some bad memories, so let's just avoid that shall we?"

"Right," I sighed. "I'm sorry I asked you to talk about it."

"It's no problem," he laughed awkwardly. "Anyway, you're free after your lecture I hope?"

"Yeah, why?" I asked.

"I was thinking if we could have lunch together," he said, his cheeks slightly reddish and his eyes averting mine. "You know, you probably would have gotten sick of eating the same things at home."

"Ah," I replied, not really knowing what to say.

I could feel my heart thump in my chest. For some reason, I felt really nervous talking to him.

"I-it's fine if you have something on," he replied, stuttering. "It's not important anyway."

"No, it's not that," I replied, clenching my fists in nervousness. "I-I'd love to go to lunch with you."

"Really?" he asked, biting the corner of his lip.

"Yeah," I mumbled, nodding my head.

"That's great then," he said awkwardly. "Do you have any places specifically in mind?"

"Not really," I said. "But I'm not really too fussy wherever you want to take me."

"Right," he responded. "I'll call you when I'm done. What time does your lecture end again?"

"Roughly around eleven," I told him.

"My shift ends at twelve," he said. "So I'll drop you a call when I'm done."

We were almost at Sapporo station.

I was still uncomfortable with myself about what happened the previous night, so I decided to voice out my concern.

"Anyway, about yesterday," I muttered. "I'm really sorry for giving you such a bad massage."

"It's fine," he chuckled awkwardly, the back of his palm over his mouth. "It was nice of you anyway. After all, you've never done it before, so it's understandable."

"Yeah. . ." I mumbled. "I was just thinking about how tired and sore you must have been after all that work at the hospital, and you still had to study while you were at home. It must be hard."

"Eh, not really," he said. "I'm used to it."

The subway slowed down as it arrived at Sapporo station. I picked up my handbag and stood up, preparing to alight.

"Anyway," I said to my cousin before the train stopped. "I'll meet you later then."

"Yeah. . ." he muttered. "See you."

I was by the door, waiting for the train to fully stop and the doors to open when I turned around and stole a glance at my cousin on the other side in his seat. He probably didn't realise me looking at him. He sat there, burying his face in his palms. I turned around as the gates opened, and pretended I didn't see what he did. Of course, he wouldn't have wanted me to see that part of him. He reminded me of someone, always wanting to act tough and hide his nervousness. Well, it was kind of cute, to be honest. But I couldn't tell him that. He'd be embarrassed.

I watched as the train left the station. I wondered if that young man would get into trouble at the hospital for being late. I'm sure he could get away with this once or twice, since I noticed that he always left for the hospital whenever he had a training program rather early. I was still unfamiliar with his schedule. The training program he was signed on to at the hospital lasted a few months, but I was sure it wasn't the only hospital he would be working with. But there was one thing for sure, he'd be free for summer break, and truth be told, I was kind of glad. He deserved a break.

Ayumi-chan was waiting for me by the Law faculty building where we always met before lectures or tutorials. That day she wore a light blue summer dress, with a beige cardigan thrown over her shoulders.

After exchanging our greetings, we were still early, so we decided to hang around the campus. After all, it was summer, and all the trees and grasses were as green as they could be. It was the perfect time of the year to enjoy the outdoors.

The two of us walked down the winding tree-lined lanes behind the Law faculty wing. There weren't many students who walked using that route, so it was mainly peace and quiet. The orange rays of the morning sun pierced through the cracks in the canopy of green leaves overhead us. It was a splendid thing to see, a fine tone to start the day.

"So," Ayumi-chan said as we walked side by side. "Have you given any thought about what you'd participate in?"

"I'm going to visit the student affairs building after the lecture," I told her. "I was thinking of checking out whatever they have up there on the noticeboards. There might be something interesting."

"Yeah," she replied. "I'm sure you'll find something you'll like over there."

"Honestly," I said. "I'm still not so sure though. But you know, I can always try things out."

"So you're thinking of trying out something new?" she asked, adjusting her fringe with her fingers. "That sounds nice."

"I guess so," I replied. "But like I said, I'm still not too sure about that."

"Well, we'll just see what interests you," she said. "I'm sure there's at least something you actually want to try out."

I guessed she was right. Perhaps there was something I might actually find interesting.

The lecture ended earlier than expected, five minutes before eleven. Packing my bag as we were about to leave, Ayumi-chan asked me if we wanted to go to the student affairs office together. Well, technically we weren't going to the office itself, but I got what she meant anyway.

I was about to leave when I heard a male voice coming from behind me.

"You're Furukawa-san, right?"

I turned around and saw a young man standing behind me. His black hair was short and ruffled, swept to the front. He was lean, and wore a black long-sleeved shirt and jeans. His haversack hung from his shoulders, and he held an unopened notepad in one hand.

"Yes," I replied, surprised that this young man suddenly decided to talk to me.

I've seen him quite a few times, but I have never talked to him. Ayumi-chan just stood beside me and studied him.

"If it's all right with you," he mumbled. "Could I borrow the notes you took today? As embarrassing as it sounds, I fell asleep in the lecture."

"Ah, sure," I said, pulling out my A4-sized notebook from my bag.

I handed the book to him and he accepted it with both hands.

"Thanks," he said, and was about to place the book in his unzipped bag hanging from one shoulder. "I'll return it to you tomorrow, if that's all right."

"No, wait a moment," Ayumi-chan said, stepping forward, reaching her hand out and retrieving my notebook from his hands. "If you need the notes for today, we'll gladly photocopy it for you."

The young man looked slightly taken aback by what Ayumi-chan did. Truth be told, I was a bit startled by how bold she was.

"We'll be heading over to the student affairs centre," Ayumi-chan said, firmly clutching my notebook against her chest. "The printing shop's over there, so we can help you make copies of whatever you need."

"Thanks," the young man said, an awkward smile on his lips. "That's. . .Very nice of you."

"Please don't mention it," Ayumi-chan said, walking off.

The two of us followed her. The two of us caught up to her at the corridor and we walked side by side, me being squeezed between the both of them. In my heart I really hoped that photocopying this thing for this young man wasn't going to take long, so I could keep up with my appointment with Shuuya-kun.

I tried to ignore the fact that I was walking with another man, and stepped closer towards Ayumi-chan. The student affairs wing of the administration building was thankfully not too far away, so we managed to get there without too much of a hassle.

The printing shop was on the ground floor, and thankfully it was still open and the attendant had not gone off for lunch break. There were a few other students and staff there, but we managed to find a photocopying machine that was vacant.

"Which parts specifically do you need?" I asked.

"Well," he chuckled. "I lost him right after the part about the part on Compulsory Investigation."

"Then I might as well photocopy the whole of today's lecture for you," I sighed.

I flipped through my notes and singled out the ones I had just written on that day. I scanned the three or four pages on the screen and printed a copy of each page. Once the pieces of paper, freshly printed, dropped into the collection tray below, I collected them and handed them to the young man.

"It's fine," he said as he received them with both his hands. "I'll pay for it."

I just smiled as I watched him over to the counter to make the payment for the four pieces of paper.

I rolled my eyes when he couldn't see me. Well, what did he expect? That I was the one who was going to pay it for him? No way. What he said turned me off pretty badly. I guess that's where they say I'm overanalysing things.

I took out my notebook from the scanner and brought it back to my bag. With that, Ayumi-chan and I left and walked out of the corridor.

"Wait," the same voice called from down the corridor.

Ayumi-chan and I stopped and turned. It was thee young man again. He walked up to us and bowed slightly.

"Thank you so much for photocopying these for me," he said. "I really appreciate it."

"It's fine, really," I said.

It was Ayumi-chan's idea actually, to begin with. I would have just left my notebook with him and went on with my day as per normal.

"Forgive me for my rudeness," he began. "I'm Kurosaki Takeshi, I hope I'll be in your care."

"Furukawa Ayano," I said, bowing. "I hope I'll be in your care too. This is my friend, Yoshimura Ayumi."

I stepped aside and gestured slightly to my friend beside me. She bowed and smiled gracefully.

"Ah, if it's all right," Kurosaki-san said, placing the photocopied notes away into his bag. "Mind if I treat the both of you for lunch? To show my thanks?"

I looked at Ayumi-chan, before returning to the young man in front of me.

"It's fine," I rejected him, trying to sound as polite as I could. "I've already made prior arrangements, so I'm afraid I'm not free."

"That's a shame then," he said. "But I just wanted you to know that I'm really grateful for this."

"Yeah," I replied. "Like I said, it's fine."

"Well," he said, smiling awkwardly. "If that's the case then, I'll be on my way."

"See you."

With that, the young man turned around and walked towards the main entrance of the building, before leaving. Ayumi-chan and I however turned our attention to the noticeboards by the lobby. There were a few there, some with important announcements, like the school's procedure for absentees with valid reasons and term exams for incoming students, but there was also a dedicated area for student activities.

"You know," I said to Ayumi-chan. "I could have just passed the book to him and we could over and done with earlier."

"Well, what if he loses your book?" she asked me back. "You know, it's not like he can't be trusted or he's going to take your notes hostage or anything, but more of precautionary measures."

"Well, I didn't think about that," I mused. "I guess you're right. He has the notes he needs and I still have my notes without needing to worry about them being lost or damaged or stolen."

"You finally get it," she said. "It's not like I don't like being helpful, but when you can find a solution that puts the both of you at an equal footing, use it. Don't make yourself be used easily by other people. I'm not saying that Kurosaki-san might be one of those types, but I'm just saying that there's a lot of those type of people out there, so you'd best be careful."

"You have a point," I replied.

She made it sound like the world was a dark and hopeless place, but I guess there was some truth to that. I didn't want to think of it that way after I've decided that I had to move on after Yukino-kun's death, but at the same time, I couldn't just pretend the world was a field of roses anyway.

"So," Ayumi-chan said, regaining my attention. "Any of these interest you?"

She brought my focus back to the posters on the noticeboard, and I scoured through them, trying to find something that interested me. There were a mixture of clubs and circles, so I read each description carefully.

"Well, how about the Film society?" she suggested. "You watch any films you could discuss?"

"No," I replied. "Not really."

"Then how about the Calligraphy circle?" she said again. "Picking up a brush isn't that hard."

"I-I don't really think I'd fit in with those type of people," I giggled meekly.

Ayumi-chan sighed.

"I guess this is one of the hard things about not having a definite hobby or interests," she said. "But that's fine, I still like you as a friend."

"Wow, that's a very nice thing to say," I said.

"Look, I was just kidding," she shook her head. "I didn't mean to jab you too much."

"I know," I replied. "I was just being sarcastic."

We stood there for a few more minutes, trying to pick out a suitable activity for me. Who knew it would be like trying to choose an outfit.

"You know," she said. "Isn't your main purpose of joining one of these is to meet new people?"

"Yeah," I replied. "You said so yourself that I should mix around with more people."

"If that's the case," she said, adjusting her fringe. "Then it doesn't really matter what the activity does as long as you're fine with what it does and you get to meet new people."

"When you put it that way. . ." I said, giving what she said a moment to ponder upon. "That sounds like a good idea."

"So, any of these interest you?" she asked. "At least something you don't hate?"

I looked through the posters until I found a rather medium-sized piece of paper advertising for the tennis circle. It stated that there were open to receiving new members for their circle. The poster itself said that they also welcome beginners with no experience at all with the game. In addition to that, they also said it was a more casual group, meeting every second Tuesday of the month. I guessed it would do.

"Tennis sounds nice," I said as I looked at the poster. "But I don't have the required gear though."

"Well you're in luck then," she said. "I have a racket and a pair of new tennis shoes I can lend you. It's not like I use them anymore in the first place."

"You played tennis before?" I asked.

"Well, I did, casually," she replied. "It's not like I was serious about it or anything."

"But the thing is, you could play, I assume?"

"Yeah, I can. More or less."

"Then why didn't you join the tennis circle then?" I questioned her.

"I prefer literature," she replied. "Sitting down in a room and discussing a book. That's my kind of thing."

"You're quite an all-rounder, it seems."

"Well thank you."

I took a look at the poster again for the details on recruitment. There was a contact number written down, and it was written that whoever was interested should get in touch with the member. I added the number to my contacts list. I'd be sure to give the number a call. Probably later in the afternoon, since I might be calling at an inopportune time, given that a lot of lectures and tutorials were happening.

"I'll call this number later," I said to her.

I looked at my phone screen. It was almost noon.

"So," Ayumi-chan said as we both walked out of the building. "Do you want to have lunch somewhere near? I'm free this afternoon, we could do some shopping if you want to."

"Sorry, I've already made arrangements," I apologised. "I'd love to, but I'm meeting someone."

"You really are?" she asked, seemingly surprised. "I just thought you made that up as an excuse to turn down that boy just now."

"No," I said. "I'm meeting my cousin after this. He asked me out for lunch."

"Ah," she said, nodding her head. "I see."

"He's supposed to be giving me a call when he's done with his work at the hospital," I told her.

"How old is he?" she asked.

"He's our age," I said. "It's just that he's born in February, so he's a year ahead of us."

Ayumi-chan nodded her head.

"Which university is he in?" she asked.

"I can't remember the name," I said, telling her the truth. "But he's a nursing student, and he has a training attachment at the hospital."

"Ah," she replied. "It's nice of him to treat you for lunch."

"Usually he does the cooking at home," I confessed. "I feel kind of bad for freeloading. He's just so helpful."

"That must be nice," she said. "I have to do my cooking by myself. And sometimes when I don't feel like cooking I buy takeaway."

"It must be hard living by yourself," I commented.

"It's fine," she said. "I do my own cooking and cleaning, and I wash most clothes myself, but I send the more expensive ones to the laundry shop for steaming."

"Ah," I said. "I've never lived by my own before. But now I'm not really living with my parents anymore, so there's that."

It was that moment when my phone rang.

"Sorry, it's my cousin," I said to Ayumi-chan, who merely nodded in acknowledgement.

I rummaged through my handbag, looking for my phone until I found it. Bringing it to my ear, I answered the call.

"Yes, Ayano speaking," I said into the phone.

"Ah, Ayano-chan," came my cousin's voice from the other end of the line. "I've just gotten out of the hospital. You free now?"

"Yeah, I'm about to leave campus," I told him. "Where do you want to meet? Look, if you want to eat out, I'm fine with just ramen or anything. Don't think too much about it."

"Well, how about we meet at home first?" he suggested. "I want to take a shower and change out of my uniform."

"Oh great," I said. "I'll meet you at home then. See you."

Before even getting his response, I ended the call. Phone safely stashed away in my bag, I let out a sigh. If he wanted to meet me at home, he could have just told me from the beginning. But then again, at the very least I got to settle some stuff concerning circle activities, so I guess it wasn't time wasted.

"He wants to meet me at home instead," I told Ayumi-chan.

"So you're heading over to the station now?" she asked. "We can go there together. I'm heading home myself too."

"I guess you're just going to sit at home then?" I asked her. "Well, you live by yourself, so at least you can get to be as comfortable as you'd like."

"What do you mean?" she asked, before pausing for a while. "Oh right. You live with your aunt and cousin."

"Yeah," I replied. "So it's really awkward for me. I can't lie down on the sofa and watch the television without getting all self-conscious that my cousin was going to look at me."

"At least you have a room for yourself," she said. "But I get you can't stay in your room the whole day."

"Yeah," I sighed. "And I really have to be careful when I want to eat. I'm just scared that he thinks I might be a glutton if I go to the fridge and eat something."

"You're overthinking things, Ayano-chan," Ayumi-chan said, shaking her head as we waited for the traffic light to turn green at the crossing right outside the main gate. "I'm sure he wouldn't think such things of you."

"But you know," I said, adjusting the strap of my handbag. "He's nineteen, so yeah. I have to behave properly."

"Why do you care so much about what he thinks of you?" she questioned. "He's a family member. I'm sure you don't mind your brother seeing you walking out of the shower with just a towel wrapped around your body."

"That's different," I shot back. "I'm talking about my cousin, not my little brother. Heck, I've seen my little brother naked when he was a child, so there's nothing awkward about it."

"Why don't you pretend your cousin is your little brother instead?" she suggested. "I'm sure you'd feel more comfortable around the house that way."

"You don't get it," I sighed. "You don't live with under the same room with a young man you're not closely related with."

"I guess I don't," Ayumi-chan said, adjusting her fringe as her hair blew in the summer breeze.

I forgot to mention how I always loved the summer here up north. That day was one of those days where the noon was bright and sunny, yet the heat wasn't too parching. Yes, it was warmer than how it was in spring, but a clear blue sky dotted with white clouds was always nice to see. There was one thing that was strikingly different from the summers back in Hakodate though –the salty scent of the sea.

That scent of the sea was always there, that friendly, homely fragrance that was there when I walked by the port. Be it at night in the midst of the busy port festival in summer or a frigid winter afternoon with someone who was no longer with me in this world. That scent, that was one of the few things about Hakodate that I somewhat missed. That smell of the sea by the port.

"Anyway," I said, changing the topic as we crossed the road. "Are you going back to Asahikawa during the summer break?"

"It depends," Ayumi-chan replied. "I guess I will though."

"I really miss Hakodate," I said. "My parents do call every once in a while, and I do the same, but I really just miss being back home."

"Then you know what to do when summer break comes," Ayumi-chan said with a smile. "I've never been down there, but I'm sure it must be a nice place."

"I guess it's the memories those places have for me," I replied. "Well, anyway, I might be going back during the first week with my aunt and cousin. They come down to Hakodate every year, so I guess you could call that my return trip."

"Then what about after university?" she asked. "Do you plan on staying here in Sapporo or are you going back down there?"

"As much as I'd love to stay down south," I sighed. "I guess realistically I'll be here. There's more job opportunities here in the big city, so yeah, that."

"What are you going to do when you get back?" Ayumi-chan asked me.

"Well, I'll stay at my house of course," I replied. "I'll probably just walk around. Really, there's nothing much to do actually, now coming to think about it. I guess what makes it precious isn't what I was doing, but more of the people I was doing those things with. That's the thing."

"I guess there's some truth to that," she said.

"Yeah."

We talked about something else after that, but truthfully my mind was somewhere else. I thought of Kameko-chan, Sayaka-chan, Kashiwagi-kun and Yukino-kun, and all the times we shared together. If I knew we'd all be going our separate ways, whether parting temporarily or forever, on good or on bad terms, I would never had taken those precious droplets of time we had together for granted. All that was left for me was regret.

The both of us reached the station not long after that, and we parted ways at the platform. My southbound train arrived earlier, so I boarded, and Ayumi-chan waved me off at the station. The train ride home was quick, and I reached my aunt's apartment without incident.

I didn't really bother to announce myself at the door since I was sure there was no one at home, but out of habit, the word left my lips anyway. And as I predicted, there seemed to be no one at home. Shuuya-kun did tell me that he was going to change into a fresh set of clothes, so I guess there was nothing wrong if I wanted to do the same thing as well. I wasn't that sweaty, and it wasn't that hot, so I decided to skip on the shower and went straight to choosing a new pair of clothes.

Eventually, after a little bit of contemplation, I went with a maroon flannel blouse and a denim pond skirt. It had been quite a while since I sported that kind of look, most of the times I preferred to wear a one piece dress. It was much easier and less of a fuss that way. I had no idea where Shuuya-kun was going to take me, but I guess a slight change of style wouldn't hurt. I rummaged the wardrobe for any accessories that might go well with the look, until I found a black and white baseball cap that I had brought with me from Hakodate just for the fun of it. I had never worn it, but that day, I reached for it and placed it gently above my centre-parted hair. I scrutinised myself in the mirror, before adjusting my cap by pulling it slightly to the side. I guessed that would do for now.

I had left the door to my room open as I stood in front of the mirror, trying to see if there was anything else that I needed to fix. I was bringing a few locks of hair down onto my shoulder, trying to see if the looked work, when I heard the front door open.

"Tadaima," I heard Shuuya-kun call out.

Truth be told, I kind of panicked, since I didn't expect him to be home until much later. Feeling slightly conscious that he might comment about it if I wore the cap, I quickly stashed it away before hurrying out to the hallway to greet him.

There he was, at the genkan, dressed in the light blue uniform he had worn that morning. The back of his broad shoulders faced me as he locked the front door behind him.

"Welcome back," I muttered, my cheeks slightly warm.

"Oh, hey," the young man replied, kicking off his black work shoes. "Don't worry, it won't take long."

He took a step into the hallway, before he froze for a moment, as if he had forgotten something. I looked at him, curious. Our gazes met for a while, before his lips parted into an awkward smile.

"Well," he said, taking a step backwards. "It seems like I may have forgotten something."

With that, he bent down and picked up his shoes, before placing them neatly to the side by my floral sneakers.

"Sorry about that," he said as he stood up, his deep brown eyes peeking at me through the gaps of his fringe.

I only nodded curtly, my gaze averted towards the ground. Shuuya-kun walked towards the end of the hallway and disappeared into the living room, to get his towel from the balcony I presumed. I knew that was where he always hung his towel to dry in the sun.

I breathed a sigh of relief and crawled back to my room. My heart was beating fast, and one look in the mirror told me that my entire face was an embarrassingly bright shade of crimson. For some reason, I was anxious that he was going to comment on how I looked, but thankfully, he didn't. On the other hand, he seemed to be slightly self-conscious as well, or else why would he have picked up his shoes and placed them neatly beside mine? I guess in a sense it was a bit of a breather for me that I wasn't the only one being self-conscious when we were around each other.

I thought about what Ayumi-chan said. If I treated him like my younger brother, I was sure things would be less awkward for me and I could make myself more comfortable in my surroundings. But that wasn't going to work out, simply because Shuuya-kun was not my brother. He was just like any other young man, so I had to act as if he was like any other young man I met on the street. I wouldn't want him to think of me as some uncouth brat who had no manners.

As I slowed down my train of thought, I came to a realisation. Why did I even care what he thought about me anyway? Looking at myself in the mirror, heart thumping hard as if it were in my throat, I couldn't get myself a satisfactory answer.

Shuuya-kun kept to his word, and true enough, about ten minutes later, he was all set and ready to go. His hair was slightly damp, and his black shirt seemed to stick to his back because he was probably in a rush to dry himself, but he kept to his word. He seemed more casual in the black T-shirt and grey skinny jeans than I did.

"Shall we go then?" he asked me as he stood in the open doorway to my room.

"Ah, right," I said, hurrying up to him. "Sorry."

"It's fine, there's no rush," he replied. "We won't be going far anyway."

"I see," I replied.

The both of us sat on the curb at the entrance hall beside each other as we put on our shoes. I went with my floral sneakers, while my cousin with a pair of black canvas slip-ons. I guess black suited him.

He waited for me as I finished tying my laces. The door was already open, and he tossed the keys in his palm in boredom as he leaned against the panel. I stood up when I was done, and he locked the door behind us both.

"So where are we going?" I asked, tugging on the strap of my handbag. "You said it isn't far from here."

"Well, it's just around the corner," he replied. "That's why I just decided to ask you to meet me at home."

"You could have told me from the start, you know?" I said, a little irritated.

"Well I'm sorry," he said as we waited for the lift. "I didn't really plan it."

"N-no," I said abruptly, feeling a bit bad for not being careful with my choice of words. "I didn't mean to sound that way."

"It's all right," he sighed, leaning back slightly and stuffing his palms into his jeans pocket. "You sound kind of stressed."

"Really?" I asked. "No, I'm fine. Just a little tired, I guess."

"Right," he mumbled.

The lift arrived soon enough, and we headed to the ground floor. The sun was might brighter now, and I had to shield my eyes with my palm as we walked. Maybe I really should have brought that cap. But well, I was just afraid that my cousin over here would say something. Maybe I shouldn't have worried, he himself was just wearing a T-shirt and his hair was still kind of wet.

"So how was work today?" I asked him, in a rather lame attempt to start a conversation. "You're no longer working with end-of-life care aren't you?"

"Well I've been shifted to cardiology," he said. "But I'm still stuck around old people, so there's not really much of a difference."

"Do you like working with old people?" I asked.

"Well, here we are."

I turned away from him, to wear his chin was pointed towards, and found myself in front of the unagi shop I had seen on the first day when Shuuya-kun and I had taken the bus from the station. I guessed I was just too busy staring at my cousin to realise that we had barely even step out of the apartment compound.

I followed my cousin into the shop, parting the shop's door curtain hanging from the top of the door frame. It seemed that I didn't need to, since the top of my head barely touched the base. I suppose that was one of the perks of being just a hundred and fifty centimetres tall.

A man with a bandanna greeted us and stepped out from behind the kitchen area, leading us to a table for two at the side. It was a pretty modest eatery, something which looks like where junior salarymen would frequent to have lunch on the go. There were only a few other customers there, mostly well, -junior salarymen.

As my cousin and I took our seats by the wall, the man asked us to just call him whenever we were ready to order. He pointed to the menu pasted up against the wall. We thanked him and he returned to the kitchen.

"What do you recommend?" I asked Shuuya-kun.

"I usually just eat the unadon here," he told me. "What do you want?"

"I guess I'll have it to then," I told him.

"I'll go and order then," he said, turning towards the man as he busied himself going back and forth with plates of food.

My cousin called him and after a quick apology, the man returned after finishing whatever he was doing. Shuuya-kun asked for two bowls of unadon and the man wrote it down on a small notepad he held.

"And as for the drinks?" he asked, after that.

Shuuya-kun turned to look at me.

"I'll have a glass of warm green tea, please," I said.

"And I'll have a coke," my cousin added.

The man nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. His departure somehow made me feel awkward to be alone with Shuuya-kun again. After a bout of sheer silence amid the background of clatter, I decided to make the first move.

"So," I said, breaking the silence. "We were talking about your work."

"Yeah," the young man nodded, his eyes somewhere else, his fingers interlocked.

"Well I wanted to ask you," I continued, feeling slightly awkward that he seemed so visibly uncomfortable with me. "Do you like working with old people?"

The young man regained his composure somewhat and his eyes returned to me once more.

"I'm fine with them I guess," he replied. "But you just have to be extra careful and patient."

Our drinks also arrived. Green tea for me and a iced glass of coke for Shuuya-kun. My cousin nodded as the man brought them, and after he was gone, Shuuya-kun took a small sip from the straw.

"But I prefer to work with children though," he said, putting his glass down. "They're much easier to handle."

"You like children, don't you?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied, chuckling. "They're cute, aren't they?"

"It depends," I answered.

I couldn't help but let my lips part into a smile. It was always nice seeing Shuuya-kun talk about things he liked. The both of us would end up smiling either way.

"How about cats?" I asked him. "Do you like cats?"

"Love them," he said, biting his lip. "Do you?"

"Well," I said, a loud thump in my chest. "My boyfriend used to love them. He loved them very much."

Silence descended on the both of us. I looked down and picked up my mug with both hands before taking a sip. Shuuya-kun sipped a bit of his coke as well. I regretted letting those words slip out of my lips. It wasn't something I wanted to talk about. Especially not to Shuuya-kun.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly put my mug down and rested my palms on the table.

"I'm really sorry," I said, shaking my head. "I didn't mean to ruin the mood. I-I don't even know why that came to mind."

In the corner of my eye, I saw my cousin lean forward.

"Look," he said. "Like you said, there's doesn't necessarily have to be a reason for things to happen. It's something we make to justify what we do."

I only nodded my head in silence.

"You know, if you want to talk about it, I'm all ears," he continued. "I know how painful it is to lose someone you really love. It's excruciating. I know how much it hurts."

It was then when I felt a gentle warmth on my right palm. I instantly looked up and I found myself looking into his deep brown eyes as he leaned in closer. My heart thumped loudly in my chest.

"I'll really try my best to help you, because I really understand how horrible it is," he said. "And you've been nice to me too and you were there when I needed someone even though I've been treating you pretty badly before. You're a wonderful person and I'd never do anything to hurt you."

I could feel my cheeks get warm, and I clenched my fists. It was then my cousin abruptly retreated, leaning back into his seat, his face a bright red.

"I-I'm really sorry about that," he stuttered, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. "I didn't mean to-"

"What you said," I muttered, mustering all the courage I could despite being pretty nervous and tense myself. "I think that was pretty nice of you."

"T-Thanks," he replied. "I'm glad you're not mad or anything."

"I'm not," I reassured him. "So don't worry about that."

"That's great," he mumbled, his pale cheeks still slightly flushed.

"Yeah."

The two of us were silent until the man returned and placed a bowl of steaming unadon each in front of us.

"Erm," my cousin mumbled, breaking the silence. "Ittadakimas."

I only nodded silently, picking up my chopsticks. I tried to let my gaze go somewhere else as I picked up the sliced pieces of grilled eel and brought them to my mouth carefully. My heart was still thumping in my chest, and I was still reeling in from what happened earlier.

"Look," Shuuya-kun mumbled. "I'm really sorry about just now. I went overboard."

"It's fine," I muttered. "Don't worry about it."

"Things have really been awkward between us, huh?" he said.

"Yeah," I agreed. "But let's talk about something else."

"All right."

I took another sip of warm green tea as I thought of an appropriate conversation topic.

"So," I said as I put the mug down. "Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

Shuuya-kun looked up, frowning in surprise. Of all things I could talk about, I chose to talk about his past love life. Congratulations, me. Congratulations.

"Um," he stuttered. "Well, I had one when I was in the second year of high school. It didn't really last long though. I don't see what she saw in a boy who didn't really talk to other people, and I guessed I might have been a bad boyfriend."

"I'm guessing it didn't work out?" I asked.

"You're right," he replied, picking up his glass of coke. "It didn't."

I watched him as he took another sip from his straw before putting the glass down again.

"We went on a few dates, but I'm guessing I must have bored her," he said. "She was a nice girl though."

"Did you have feelings for her?" I asked.

"I can't really say that," he replied. "I mean, I didn't even know her, so I just accepted her when she confessed to me."

"That kind of relationship is doomed from the start," I told him. "If you didn't feel the same way towards her, then why did you accept her then?"

"I didn't want to hurt her feelings," he mumbled. "But you know, I came to realise that if I went about doing things like that, it's pretty pointless. People get hurt when it is time for them to get hurt. Just like how they die when it is time for them to die."

"That's very true."

"I should have rejected her from the start," he said.

"Have you even talked to her before that?" I asked him.

"No, never."

"Maybe she's just trying to date you for your status," I said. "You're a school baseball player after all. She's probably those timid little girls who are rather plain and want a quick shortcut to popularity."

"I guess you're right though," he said. "But it's not like that kind of thing affected me one bit anyway. Well, we broke up not really long after that."

"Was that your only relationship?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied. "And it wasn't even a real one."

"Ah, I see."

"But well, I guess it thought me some things," he said. "That a one-way relationship is nothing but shallow."

"That's somewhat common sense," I corrected him. "But oh well, it's a learning process."

We fell silent for a while, and ate without saying a word.

"Anyway," he said once we were halfway through with our meal. "I brought you here because I was kind of afraid that you were tired of eating at home."

"I really appreciate the thought," I thanked him. "The food here is rather good."

"You think so?" he said. "That's great to hear."

Tasting the soft flesh of the marinated eel reminded me a lot of Yukino-kun. He loved it. Deep within me, I missed him dearly, and I felt that day by day I was losing whatever memories I held onto him. The pain had been buried deep in my chest, and I had to let it out. Kashiwagi-kun used to be the only one who I could talk about it, but there was no way I could talk to him now.

"I'll tell you something," I said after a while. "My boyfriend used to love unagi."

"I see," he replied.

"I cooked unadon for him on his seventeenth birthday," I told him. "A bento to be exact."

"That was really nice of you."

"I know you have your own problems and all, and I really think that you've handled everything thrown at you rather well."

My cousin only stayed silent and sipped his glass of coke.

"Why do people have to die in such horrible ways?" I muttered. "Why do they have to leave such a horrible trail of grief behind them? It's not fair is it?"

"The world is never fair," I heard him say.

I looked up and saw him gazing straight at me.

"I guess you're right," I responded. "It never is. But we have to make do with whatever we have I suppose."

"You're pretty much right about that," he said with a curt smile.

Shuuya-kun paid for the both of us when we were done, and we left the restaurant and was back again in the street. It was already around one-thirty, and the neighbourhood was starting to get a little livelier. There were a flock of pigeons brooding around at the base of a telephone pole, ignoring the low humming of the vehicles as they drove past.

My cousin turned and was about to walk in the direction of the apartment when I stopped him.

"Wait," I called out to him. "If it's fine with you, I don't really want to go home just yet."

"Ah," he replied as he turned around. "Where do you want to go then?"

"Let's just go walk by the river," I said. "It's a pretty nice place to walk."

"Sure," he replied, his palms stuffed into the pockets of his jeans. "It's been a while since I walked by the river."

The two of us walked down the street and onto the elevated main road by the river bank. The wind was cooling, but it the bright light was rather glaring. We made our way to the river bank as I shielded my eyes with my palm.

There wasn't really anybody walking by the river bank, so it was mostly just the two of us. The river bank was a rather gradual grass-covered slope, with the wide river flowing at the very base. There was even a reed bed on the other side. The fence by the top of the bank was rather low, as if inviting those walking past to actually try to climb over it. It was tempting though.

"Do you want to climb over?" Shuuya-kun offered, turning around with a smirk on his lips. "It's not that high."

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "Let's not do that."

"Why not?" he asked, tilting his head. "You'll get a closer look of the river."

"It's fine," I said. "Let's just walk by the river without any trouble."

"Aww," he teased. "You're no fun."

"Maybe it'd be fun for me to watch you fall into the river," I said, replying to him with a smirk of my own. "And I won't help you out if you fall in. I mean, it's your own fault."

"Well, you can be pretty snarky, you know that?" he chuckled.

I only smiled in response. The both of us continued walking by the river bank. It was a nice feeling, to be walking side by side with someone by a quiet river bank, the rumbling of the vehicles in the background.

"You should have brought a cap if you're going to keep shielding your eyes like that," my cousin commented.

"A cap?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied. "You don't have one?"

"I do," I responded. "It's just that. . .You know."

"What?" he questioned, raising his eyebrow.

"What do you think of me if I wear a cap?" I asked him. "Do you think I'll look weird? Unfeminine?"

Shuuya-kun chuckled as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Honestly I think you'd look cute," he said, a slight smile parting his lips.

"Really?" I asked, biting my lip.

"Yeah," he replied, the gentle breeze blowing his hair. "I think you look great in whatever you choose to wear. You have great taste."

"I-I think you look great too," I muttered, letting the words lose from my lips without really thinking.

Not again, I sighed. I really needed to stop messing up around Shuuya-kun if I wanted to look less like an idiot. The boy looked at me, and I realised his cheeks turn slightly red.

"Umm. . ." he muttered. "Thanks, I guess."

We continued walking down the bank, until I decided that we had been walking for quite some while and that we should turn back. I brought it up to my cousin, and he merely turned around, walking down south again, towards Nakanoshima.

"Anyway, how do you feel about going back to Hakodate?" he asked me.

"I guess I'm glad, I guess," I replied, still averting my eyes from him. "How about you?"

"Obaa-san's sukiyaki is the best," he chuckled. "We had it last year too didn't we?"

"We have it every year," I replied. "And every year when you came over I couldn't stand looking at your face."

Shuuya-kun squinted slightly, but then he merely chuckled.

"I guess I kind of deserve that," he said jokingly, rubbing the back of his head with his palm.

I could only smile in return. For once, ever since Yukino-kun decided to hang himself, I felt somewhat at ease. Just for that brief moment, as I walked by my cousin by the stream, I could forget about everything that had happened. Summer had come, and I could finally feel the warmth of the world again, the warmth that could temporarily drive all the frozen sorrow away.

The warmth of the young man's laughter as he walked beside me, and the warmth of my heart thumping in my chest.

Lru|=>j4