Origami Girl

3- Flight of the Paper Planes

"Like the first whiff of burning incense, or like the taste of one's first cup of saké, there is in love that moment when all its power is felt."

― Natsume Sōseki, Kokoro

The bell rang, marking the end of Literature lesson for that day, and signalling the start of Physical Education. The teacher left the classroom, and all the students scattered around, rushing ahead to get changed. I stood up from my desk, pushing my chair back in.

"Let's go A-chan!"

I turned around and saw Ka-chan walk up towards me, her PE attire in a small bag, slung at her shoulders. I instantly grabbed my set of uniform from my haversack, and we headed over to the restroom to change. As usual, when she was done, she waited for me at the corridor. We still had five minutes before the lesson began, since we were to be released ten minutes earlier before physical education periods started, giving us some time to change out of our school uniforms into our PE clothes. In summer we wore a plain t-shirt, with black shorts, while during the colder months we wear a tracksuit. Almost a week had passed since I first met Nakayama-kun, and Friday turned into Wednesday.

"I wonder what we'll be doing today," Ka-chan said to me, striking a conversation as we walked down the corridor, heading to the basketball court, where we usually gathered for normal physical education lessons.

"I don't know, hopefully something that isn't really tiring, I hope," I replied lazily, to which Ka-chan just giggled.

"You're always like that," she said, sighing.

"Well, what can I do," I replied.

We walked on down the corridor, and were about to turn a corner when we heard loud voices laughing and talking away. I thought nothing of it at first, although I did find some of the voices to be rather familiar. Naturally, my pace was faster than Ka-chan, so of course, as per usual, I was ahead of her, and was the first to reach the corner. I was focused on getting to the basketball court and I was literally lost in my thoughts that I didn't pay much attention to my surroundings.

It turned out to be a big mistake. I ended up walking into a group or pair of students, I wasn't exactly sure back then, and nearly lost my balance as a result. I hung precariously on the ball of my right foot for a few seconds, like a wild animal about to pounce on its prey in such an awkward manner, trying hard to prevent myself from falling forward and crashing onto the concrete floor of the corridor. I accidentally let out a minute yelp, like a frightened mouse.

I nearly started to tilt forward even more when I suddenly felt someone grab my forearm. Thank goodness, I thought to myself. I slowly turned my head to see who it was.

There, beside me, of all people, stood Yamamoto Kenji, his hand clutching my arm. He had already changed into his PE attire, his white shirt tucked out loosely over his black shorts, which seemed rather tight for him. We stood still for a moment awkwardly, until I quickly readjusted my footing and writhed away, inching a few steps ahead, without muttering a single word. Neither of us spoke, not even a word of thanks from me, nor a concerned question from him if I was alright, just eerie silence, as if the both of us were mute.

"A-chan, are you okay?"

I turned around and saw Ka-chan, standing right behind the corner. She looked at me, worry evident in her eyes. She breathed a sigh of relief after I smiled at her and told her that I was alright. I walked towards her, but as I did that, in the corner of my eye, I noticed Hayate-kun, standing there right beside his best friend, who got all flustered with the arrival of Ka-chan.

He was leaning against the railing of the corridor, his right arm placed horizontally on the metal rail, with all its rust which I could not stand to touch, while his left hand held his phone, his thumb single-handedly tapping away at his phone screen. He was messaging someone apparently, and his lips curved up in a smile. He saw me stealing a glance at him and looked up. We made eye contact for a brief moment, before I quickly turned away, and went over to Ka-chan's side.

"Thank you so much Yamamoto-san, she should really be more careful! Sorry for troubling you," Ka-chan said to the blushing track captain.

"A-ah, it's no problem. Erm... So are you heading to the basketball court?" he asked nervously, his left hand clutching his right forearm, just above the white bulky-looking watch strapped onto his wrist.

"Yeah. . . And that makes me wonder; why are you walking in this direction?" Ka-chan responded, smiling sweetly to hide her awkwardness.

"Uhm... Actually-" Yamamoto-san stuttered, but was interrupted.

"Hey guys!" somebody called out to us in a loud voice from the other end of the corridor.

I turned around and saw Kashiwagi-san running up to us. He had already donned on his PE attire, his hair was swept up, revealing his forehead, as per his usual hairstyle. His shirt was slightly crumpled, probably as a result of just stuffing everything into his bag without any careful arrangement. His shorts ended around the middle of his thighs, and his calves were rather well-toned, compared to Hayate-kun, but still not as toned as that of Nakayama-san's. His feet were equipped with running shoes, which were a smudge of white and grey, with turquoise accents. It probably wasn't washed for quite a while, since his shoelaces were grey and had patches of dirt colouring it.

"Tachibana-sensei told us to report to the hall, a thunderstorm is coming," he said as he reached the four of us.

Indeed, outside, the fabric of the heavens were sweltering into a shroud of grey and black. A clap of thunder roared in the background, and flashes of lightning lit up the sky. Well, in this kind of weather we wouldn't be able to have any form of activity in the court, so we'd be force to do whatever we had to do for PE in the sheltered hall. The four of us then turned around and walked the other way towards the hall.

At first, neither of us said anything, walking the corridors in silence, only hearing the echoes of our own footsteps resonating against the walls. Well, we walked in a rather awkward formation, the three boys in front and Ka-chan and I behind. At times, I felt that the boys in front were walking too slowly for my liking, and I'd love them to hurry up, but seeing that Ka-chan was comfortable with their pace, I forced myself to walk in sync with them. That made us two girls lag behind, since Ka-chan was in absolutely no rush, and she had no intention of abandoning her relaxed stance.

Suddenly, Kashiwagi-san started talking with Yamamoto-san, I don't know about what, since Ka-chan and I were too far behind for us to catch what they were talking about but through Kashiwagi-san's expression I could see that the conversation was getting rather excited. Hayate-kun occasionally took part in the conversation too, but he seemed to be more interested on his phone than the talk. Then, Hayate-kun had to tie his shoelaces, so the other two stopped and waited for him, giving Ka-chan and I ample time to catch up with them, even though we did not fasten our pace. Hayate finished tying his laces the moment we arrived, and stood up.

"Ah, what were you two talking about?" Ka-chan asked the two boys in front of her, "It seemed like there's something interesting going on," she remarked, giggling.

"Oh, we were talking about soccer, there was a game last night." Yamamoto-san replied awkwardly, his hand scratching the back of his head.

"Ah, which team against which team?" Ka-chan asked, intending on continuing the conversation.

"Liverpool against Man U," Kashiwagi-san responded.

"No wonder they seemed so worked up. . ." my heart whispered silently.

"Well, that must've been interesting. Too bad I didn't manage to catch it though, I didn't manage to wake up," Ka-chan said, "Maybe I'll catch the next match, it's on Saturday so I can sleep late then."

The boys looked at her in slight shock and disbelief. Even I, after knowing her for all these years, had to say that what she said came as a surprise for me. She had never once spoken about soccer to me, but now, in front of these boys she suddenly let it out of her mouth.

"You watch soccer?" Yamamoto-san asked, his mouth slightly ajar.

Ka-chan merely giggled and nodded.

"That's awesome man!" Kashiwagi-san exclaimed, "Which team do you support?" he added, asking Ka-chan.

"Ummm. . . Liverpool," Ka-chan said softly.

"Aw yes! Hi-five!" Kashiwagi-san said excitedly.

He placed his open palm in the air, facing Ka-chan. She stood silent for a moment, before adjusting her fringe and shying away nervously, averting her gaze to the side. On seeing that, Kashiwagi-san turned beetroot, dropped his arm limply and apologised.

"I-I'm really sorry. I guess I just got too carried away there," he apologised awkwardly, trying to supress broken nervous laughter.

"Ah- it's alright," Ka-chan replied.

"Anyway you should have seen how the first goal was like! I'm telling you, there was a hat trick and it was amazing. . . " Kashiwagi-san continued with the conversation as the five of us started making our way to the hall, talking about the game the previous night excitedly.

I kind of lost them there, but even as I did not follow the conversation's content, I kept on observing my best friend and Kashiwagi-san. Naturally, Kashiwagi-san's charisma managed to draw people to him, and Ka-chan was no exception. He managed to engage her in the conversation, and they talked eagerly about the players, the game, the recent soccer news and so on.

I saw his smile, revealing a row of teeth held in place by semi-transparent braces. I heard Ka-chan's sweet laughter, and the excited and worked-up tones of their voices as they went on and on. The two of them were like in their own world. Yamamoto-san and Hayate-kun certainly noticed too, and refrained from talking to them.

My attention reverted to Kashiwagi-san. Everything about him, his charisma, his seemingly natural ability to attract other people like a magnet towards him, how he could just naturally talk to strangers, I began to digest, trying hard to swallow the truth. After observing him, being in the same class for quite a while, I still choke on the reality, but this was just a bit too much for my weak, frail heart.

Why him, and not me?

The words kept repeating in my head over and over, as if someone had decided to record it on tape and repeat it continuously. Yet, for the sake of Ka-chan, I soldiered on, supressing the growing pain in my heart.

I stole a glance to my left, Yamamoto-san wasn't talking, and Hayate was looking at his phone. I guess he noticed me looking at him, like he usually does, but decided to ignore me.

"You can't go on like this A-chan. . ." Hayate-kun said to me, trying to advise me.

"Yes, yes I can. I'll just get used to it." I replied, my thoughts set straight, refusing to accept whatever he says.

"No, it won't. All this isolation, all this mutism. . . Why do you do it? It's harming you, can't you see?!" he tried to reason.

"If what I am doing makes you think that I am being detrimental to myself, then that is no concern of mine." I responded.

"I am just trying to protect myself."

He was silent, and walked off.

If only I was like Kashiwagi-san. . .Then none of this would be happening, none of it, whimpered my heart.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Soon, we reached the indoor hall. We were about five minutes late, but our PE teacher didn't mind, since there was always some confusion whenever it rains. We all gathered, sitting crossed-legged on the floor in front of the teacher. I sat beside Ka-chan and Sayaka-chan, who arrived there earlier. Our teacher, clad in a jersey and shorts explained to us on the basics of volleyball. Today, since it was raining, he just allowed us to practice passing the ball in our small groups. He instructed us to use only half the court, since another class would be using the other half.

I went to the basket full of balls and picked up the lightest one, cupping the round sides with my hands. I then walked over to Ka-chan and Sayaka-chan, who was at the centre of the hall, rather near to the other half of the court the other class would be using. I couldn't be bothered with the other class, and I started throwing the ball to Ka-chan, who bumped it with her two fists in front of her, fingers intertwined., to Sayaka-chan, who deflected it to me. I did the same, passing the ball on to Ka-chan , and the cycle wore on. After a while it got tiring, and realizing that the teacher wasn't anywhere to be found, the three of us sat down on the floor, and had a conversation among ourselves. Small talk, as per usual. Sayaka-chan opened the discussion with talk about nails, yep, it never gets old, for some reason. The three of us went on talking, drifting from topic to topic, from nails to perfume to Kashiwagi-san.

Well, we kind of started talking about Kashiwagi-san, when we noticed him kicking the volleyball around as if it were a soccer ball with some guys from the class. Well, of course, he was the centre of the attention, I could hear him laughing from all the way over there, the other end of the hall. He ran, chasing the rolling ball, wiping the sweat from his brow after he managed to kick it and afford a few seconds of rest. After that, he was up and running again.

Being, his childhood friend, Sayaka-chan knew a lot about Kashiwagi-san, and also, his most embarrassing secrets.

"Oh yes, and when he was in the first year of middle school, he apparently got really really angry with his first-ever girlfriend after finding out she supported Man U that he threatened to break up with her, and his girlfriend went like 'oh if you're going to treat me like this, I'm going to leave you' and left him. In the end, it went back to him," Sayaka-chan said, trying to stifle her laughter.

"Oh, poor Kashiwagi-san!" Ka-chan giggled.

"Well, that girl wasn't even nice to begin with. . . They were bound to break up anyway," Sayaka-chan said. "The next day, she went off with some senior, that's what Jarrett told me though." She continued, light heartedly.

"Why did he even choose her in the first place?" Ka-chan said, asking Sayaka-chan.

"Probably it's because I wasn't there, heh." Sayaka-chan replied sarcastically.

"Well, don't tell me Kashiwagi-san has any eyes for you." Ka-chan responded jokingly.

"After that, he got together with his old childhood friend," Sayaka-chan said, "They were such a happy couple together!"

I grew interested in leaned in closer.

"Then what happened?" Ka-chan asked, both of us curious to know more.

"Okay guys, come on," came a male voice from behind us.

I looked up, and saw Kashiwagi-san standing. Well, upright, he seemed looming compared to the three of us who were seated on the floor. He stood there, his feet apart, wiping his brow. Feeling self-conscious, I shifted my gaze downwards, trying to avoid eye contact with him. I could hear him sigh.

"We were just joking, right, Kameko-chan?" Sayaka-chan said.

"Yeah. . ." Ka-chan giggled, blushing.

"Well, whatever you guys were saying, I hope wasn't really anything serious about me," he laughed, and sat down, cross-legged beside Sayaka-chan.

An awkward silence befell upon the three of us girls, until suddenly Kashiwagi-san said something.

"Why don't we all continue talking about me?" Kashiwagi-san chuckled, initiating the conversation, just like his usual, charismatic self.

"Well. . ." Sayaka-chan started, "We were talking about how you got ditched by Murakami-san," she giggled.

"M-Murakami-san?!" Kashiwagi-san stuttered, he stole a glance at Ka-chan and blushed heavily.

Ka-chan saw Kashiwagi-san's reddening face, and she herself flushed too, shying away and facing away from him.

"U-uhm, please don't misunderstand um-" Kashiwagi-san muttered frantically, only ending up nearly choking on his own words.

"She knows I'm referring to your first ex-girlfriend back in junior high, and not her, so stop panicking." Sayaka-chan cut in, slapping Kashiwagi-san's right shoulder playfully.

That kind of calmed Kashiwagi-san down a little, and he stopped flustering. He was still rather beetroot in the cheeks though. He slowly turned to face Ka-chan, his right fist closed and placed against his lips in embarrassment. He surely was calmer now, just that he was probably really embarrassed.

"You didn't mention about Nanako did you?" Kashiwagi-san said, obviously addressing Sayaka-chan.

Sayaka-chan solemnly shook her head. I felt slightly left out, but I didn't really bother who this Nanako was.

"Hey, umm. . .Sorry. . ." he apologised to Ka-chan.

"Ah, what are you apologising for? You did nothing wrong!" Ka-chan responded, giggling nervously.

"Um. . . Yeah. Right," Kashiwagi-san replied awkwardly, before chuckling awkwardly.

There was a moment of awkward silence between the four of us, and it was especially stressful for Kashiwagi-san who was noticeably fidgeting with his fingers.

"Well. . . I messed up a lot today," Kashiwagi-san suddenly remarked, out of the blue, "Just like my entire life," he sighed.

"Don't say that," Sayaka-chan chided him in a serious tone.

It must have been about something that had happened before, something only Sayaka-chan and Kashiwagi-san knew about, leaving Ka-chan and I clueless.

"Ah Kashiwagi-san, did something happen?" Ka-chan asked politely, "Yes, you did seem slightly spaced out just now," she continued.

"Ah. . . Really? It's nothing," Kashiwagi-san laughed nervously, "Please don't worry about me."

Just with that, as if he was some naturally talented person, he initiated a conversation. I sighed, lost interest in whatever they were talking about, and looked around at my surroundings. Sometimes, I'd wish that he would just shut up. His confidence, it irritated me.

I turned to face the left side of the hall, where the other class were using. They were playing dodgeball, or something along those lines. Balls were being thrown on either side , flung in random directions. In the midst of the chaos and students running about, I saw Nakayama-kun. He was standing in the middle, running around, dodging projectiles thrown at him and picking up the balls rolling on the ground. He took aim at one of the boys on the other team, and reeling his right arm back, he flung the ball at his target's direction. It hit the boy on his arm, immediately playing him out of the game. Unfortunately, Nakayama-kun got distracted for a second, and in the next miniscule moment a ball came flying and hit him in his abdomen. His face kind of cringed at the impact, but he composed himself and walked out of the playing court towards our direction, through the maze of people running about and the hurling balls in the air. As he walked, another ball hit him by accident, on the head, but he walked on, stoically, pretending nothing happened. The boy who had accidentally threw the ball fell silent for a moment, looking at Nakayama-kun with terrified and worried eyes, but seeing that no reaction came from him, the boy continued on with the game.

He walked on, and waved to me, when he saw me. His lips curled up into a small, yet sincere smile. I smiled and waved back as sweetly as I could. In my heart, I felt that he was nice to me, so I should return him the favour. This exchange we had was not the first, but one out of already a substantial, but growing, number. Of course, it was expected of the both of us to do so, since we'd already basically know each other, and we are not strangers for sure. Over the course of the past few days, I ran into him once or twice before morning assembly, and a rather numerous amount of times during free periods and breaks. Every time, he would give me that smile of his, the shy, but sweet smile I saw on his face that day, his hand strumming on his ukulele, under the shade of the canopy of trees, on the banks of the pond.

Only then did I remember about the book, the one which he had dropped after helping Ka-chan and I out last Friday, when our bicycle broke down after nearly crashing into Nakayama-kun around a bend. I remembered intending to return it back to him after training last Friday, but I must have forgotten about it.

I was about to call him, but suddenly the teacher from the other class, blew the whistle, and all the students stopped playing the game of dodge ball and gathered around the coach. I guess they were finished with their lesson, since everybody started packing up. I checked my watch, it was eleven-thirty, and our physical education lesson had also ended, for my class. I looked around, and I saw the class dismissing themselves, placing the balls back into the basket. Kashiwagi-san, Sayaka-chan and Ka-chan all stood up, and I followed suit subconsciously. They were still involved in a conversation, but I wasn't really paying attention. I saw Nakayama-kun walking alone across the hall, his rubber soles of his neon running shoes squeaking against the polished, shiny surface of the wooden floor. His hair was swept to his right, covering his forehead slightly. His shirt was untucked, drenched in sweat, and his right sleeve was rolled up till his shoulders, revealing his upper arm, which was rather lean but still slightly muscular, his deltoid and bicep were rather well-worked, yet didn't look too huge. Well, from the looks of it, I guess he must have been doing some arm exercises, but well, I wouldn't ask him even if I wanted to.

Nakayama-kun walked over to his haversack, slumped over to the wall, along with the rest of his classmates'. I watched him as he bent down, and grabbed his water bottle from his bag. Placing the rim of the bottle on his lips, he gulped down the water down his throat, quenching his thirst. I stood there, waiting for him, since I wanted to ask him whether it was his lunch break now, since we were in different classes, and I also wanted to return the book to him. I felt that it wasn't right to keep him waiting any longer, since it was my fault that I forgot to return the book to him, and it had been sitting inside my locker for nearly four days now. I was contemplating on approaching him, before he went off or anything, but suddenly Ka-chan called out to me.

"A-chan, what are you standing there for? Let's go." She said, from quite a distance away.

While watching Nakayama-kun, I realised I had stopped walking, and the other three had left me quite a distance behind. Ka-chan stood there, waiting for me, so that we could go for lunch together. Well, I saw Sayaka-chan and Kashiwagi-san waiting too, so I thought Ka-chan would be having lunch with them instead. Nonetheless, I told her I would join her, because I had something to do first. She nodded and smiled in response.

"Well, I'll be going back up to class to take my lunchbox, so I'll see you at the cafeteria yeah?" she chirped.

"Ah, could you please take my lunchbox as well? It's in my bag, the first compartment," I requested.

"Sure, I'll meet you at the cafeteria in five minutes," she said, smiling.

Then, I saw her eyes wander off to Nakayama-kun, before quickly retracing its steps back to me. I could see her face losing some of its cheerfulness, and her farewell smile to me had a tinge of bitterness in it. She left awkwardly, hurriedly making her way away with Sayaka-chan and Kashiwagi-san.

"Ah, sorry to keep you guys waiting!" she exclaimed.

I turned around and looked at Nakayama-kun. He was replacing the cap on his bottle, twisting his fingers around the cap. He seemed to have noticed me standing there, and waved at me with his free left hand. Perhaps he heard Ka-chan calling me just now, but I didn't really know, there wasn't a sign whether he heard Ka-chan or not. Nakayama-kun then proceeded to scoop his haversack from the ground, and slung it onto his right shoulder. He was about to leave, but I called out to him.

"N-Nakayama-kun!" I said, mustering all my courage before making my way, hands jittering, towards him.

He looked slightly startled when I approached him, and his face made me kind of nervous too. He was taller than me, but it was just a few centimetres of a difference, but I guess in my nervousness I actually felt shorter than I actually was. I could feel my heart thumping.

"Um-" I began, "Nakayama-kun, are you hav-having lunch now? Because I thought-" I asked, my voice shaking.

"Sure, umm. . . Yeah, it would be great if you'd have lunch with me!" he said.

I blushed. My heart started pounding faster than ever.

"N-no, that's not it. I-I mean, no-no it's not like-"

My words came out as a jumbled mess, as my tongue kept tripping on itself repeatedly, out of nervousness.

Nakayama-kun turned deep red, and averted my gaze. I fell silent, stopping my tongue, and we were locked in an awkward silence for a moment, before Nakayama-kun himself chuckled nervously, breaking it. He ran his right palm through his hair, and lowered his gaze to the floor.

"I-I'm sorry," he apologised, "I got too carried away. . .Anyway, you were saying?" he continued.

"Ah, I was asking whether you're having your lunch break now, because I wanted to return your guitar book you dropped the other day when we nearly crashed into you on the bicycle. . . Because if you had lessons straight away, then I wouldn't want to trouble you so. . . Yeah," I explained.

"Oh. . .Okay, sure. . ." he replied nervously.

"And um- yeah. . . It's not like I don't want to, but I already agreed to have lunch with my friend, so. . . I'm sorry," I said. "I'm going with Murakami-san, don't you know her? She's the other girl who joined track with me last week."

I only realised too late that I should not have said that. 

"Yeah, I know her," Nakayama-kun replied, his eyes averting mine and he seemed to be kind of spacing out.

His face looked rather disappointed, for some reason, and I felt kind of bad, so I tried to patch things up.

"No, well. . . I'll have lunch with you next time! I-I promise!" I said nervously, trying to lift his spirits.

"Yeah, that would be great." he said, looking slightly happier, but the disappointment was still evident.

I don't know what he was disappointed about, but at least I tried. Of course, I felt that he was a nice person, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. We then silently made our way to the lockers, so that I could retrieve the book and return it to him. The lockers weren't really that crowded, there were a few students there, just going about their daily business.

"Hey. . . Um about just now. . ." I heard him say from behind, as I was locking my locker, the book in my right hand.

"No, it's alright.. . ." I replied awkwardly.

"No, it's not that, I just want to say that I hope you don't think I'm desperate or anything. . . It's just that. . . It can get lonely sometimes, you know?" he muttered, his right palm on the back of his neck.

I did not know the context of his situation, but I felt obliged to reply.

"I understand. It's okay, whenever you want to have lunch with me, we can just meet up," I offered, smiling.

Indeed, I did understand. I understood how it feels to be lonely, I understood the pangs of desolation. I have tasted it all. The only thing that saved me from the sensation now was Ka-chan. Truly, I felt, she was the only one that understands me. Sayaka-chan too, to some extent. I was really happy that Ka-chan came back, after the incident with Hayate-kun, I had no one to spend my time with. Of course, there was Sayaka-chan, but she was busy, and she was usually with some other friends, if not them, she was with Kashiwagi-san. I didn't want to intrude on her, for fear of what other people might think of me. So day after day, I passed the time by. I had no one to talk to, no one to share what I was feeling with, and I was too afraid to open up, too afraid of judgement, too afraid of what other people were to think of me. But then, Ka-chan returned, and I felt genuine happiness for the first time in a few weeks. Hayate-kun of course, was no longer there for me, leaving me when I needed him the most. But then again, it was my fault. He misunderstood, and the fault was all mine. He had no part in this internal struggle, but he himself had suffered. I had hurt him, but all I ever wanted to do was to protect myself.

"Why?" I ask myself sometimes, "Why wasn't I just  upfront with him?"

A simple 'I just need some space, so please leave me be,' would have sufficed. But no such words ever escaped my lips. Instead, I beat around the bush, trying to push him away, after he kept pressurising me to make new friends. He told me to talk, to open up to people, but my usual reply was always the same, rejecting him, pushing him away.

"What for?" I would say, "I am merely trying to protect myself. Don't you understand?"

Yet, he still tried, he kept trying, up till the point where he probably couldn't take it anymore. Sometimes, in my small, aching heart, I wish he stayed with me a little longer. He genuinely, sincerely cared for me. He really did.

But I threw him away like trash. I truly regret it, my heart still yearned for him, for him to talk to me once more, to hold my hand once more. A text message, or even a small smile. To just hear his lips utter, 'Are you alright?'

Regret, what a futile thing it is. If I only with my regret I could bring him back, but the world doesn't work that way does it? I was too afraid to admit my mistakes to him, on what I did wrong, if only I was not such a coward. If only I had more confidence. If only I were like Kashiwagi-san, then perhaps, none of this would have happened. But it did. Why?

Because I was stuck in this disgusting rotten body with ad disgusting rotting soul. Only serving to be a burden to other people.

I've been selfish, Sayaka-chan and Yamada-kun tell me, but sometimes, reality is too harsh to be accepted. Indeed, I do realise the truth in their words, but isn't it too late? I can patch things with Hayate-kun, they said, we'll get back together, and everything will be fine. The inaction by me had proved to be detrimental. The inertia helding me back had brought me into the world of listlessness. The gap and distance between us has grown larger, too large that my infinitesimal courage can never overcome. Probably the most saddening thing about it was that there was no farewell, no words spoken when we parted, not even a "let's break up". Merely sheer silence. We just drifted, drifted until we were too far apart. Though my heart still beat for him, I know I cannot return.

'Moving on', the term is easier said than done. He was all too precious to me, too precious to let go. Now, when I look at Hayte-kun, he doesn't seem to care even a whit about me. Of course, I wouldn't mean anything to him, after what I've done. But my heart aches whenever I see him, knowing that he now wouldn't treat me with the tender, loving, genuine care that he used to.

How I wish, how I wish we were still together. You may say that it is a futile hope but, is it alright for me to just dream?

The rotten girl in my mind broke out into cynical laughter, gloved palms in front of her lips.

"What a pity isn't it?" she said, in the same mocking demeanour, "You're just a burden to other people, only serving as an inconvenience in their lives. All this happened beause of you, you and your disgusting self, you have no one else to blame. All the fault is yours. You don't deserve not even the most meagre pinch of happiness."

"Hey are you alright?"

"Ah-" I muttered, snapping back into reality. "I'm sorry, I kind of spaced out there," I apologised to Nakayama-kun.

"Yeah. . . I guess we all have our own fair share of problems don't we?" he said casually.

"I suppose so. . ." I replied.

"You don't deserve even the most meagre pinch of happiness"

Only then that I realised I had been clinging onto his book, pressing it against my chest, folded in my arms. I guess that was just a natural reaction whenever I felt scared or vulnerable, sometimes when I was sad and disappointed even. I quickly let go, blushing, and handed the book to Nakayama-kun.

"Here," I said, holding the book out to him with both arms, "Sorry I kept it for so long, I wanted to return it to you sooner, but I'm afraid I must have forgotten," I apologised.

"It's fine, I should've zipped my bag up at that time," he chuckled, receiving his book with his two hands, fingers clutching the edges of the book.

He swung his brown haversack to his front, one strap loose and the other hanging on his right shoulder. He then unzipped his bag and placed the book inside.

"So. . . Are you going to the cafeteria for lunch?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess," he said, adjusting his haversack strap on his left shoulder, "We're nearer to the cafeteria than our classrooms, so might as well," he remarked.

"Why not we go there together?" I offered.

"Umm. . . Sure," he replied, blushing slightly.

We then walked down the corridor, together. Students walked past us, walking down the opposite side of the corridor, and paid no attention to us. We walked side by side, not saying a word. In the corner of my eye, I saw him put his hands in his pockets. He looked down onto the floor, probably pondering over something.

"So, what are you having for lunch today, Nakayama-kun?" I asked, attempting to break the silence.

He looked kind of shocked at the suddenness of my question, but quickly tried to calm down.

"Well, I don't really know actually, it depends on what the vending machine has on the day itself," he said.

"Ah, I see," I replied, "My mom packs for me rice with salmon, and I don't like it very much."

Nakayama-kun just grunted in reply, probably not knowing what to say. 

"What do you eat at home usually?"

"Well, usually I just go out to the convenience store and buy their bento sets. Usually rice and beef, chicken sometimes." he replied.

"I like chicken," I said awkwardly, trying to continue the conversation.

"Yeah, me too. Sometimes I feel too full eating beef, it's kind of heavy for me. And eating it nearly everyday for lunch, it gets rather mundane," he responded, chuckling.

"Well at least that's filling," I remarked, "Salmon doesn't make me full at all!"

"But salmon is good for girls, you can eat as much as you want of it, and not feeling guilty of putting on weight," he joked.

"Hey!" I responded, and slapped his shoulder jokingly.

He suddenly paused, but then blushed and looked away. Noticing what I have done, I quickly retract my hand from his shoulder, and parked it rigidly on my side.

"S-sorry," I apologised, my cheeks reddening.

"Nah, it's fine," he replied, smiling at me nervously.

The both of us laughed nervously in the awkwardness. We fell silent after that, all the way until we reached the cafeteria. By the time we stepped in, the entire place was already half-full. There was a line at the food stall, but besides that, there were a decent amount of empty tables available. I immediately spot Ka-chan, who was seated at a table with Sayaka-chan and Kashiwagi-san. Ka-chan and Kashiwagi-san were having a conversation, while Sayaka-chan was just eating, chipping in and contributing to the conversation from time to time. Ka-chan was facing my direction, so she saw me when I waved to her, and waved back in reply. Ka-chan noticed Nakayama-kun beside me, and turned away, but quickly re-joined the conversation with Kashiwagi-san.

"Well, so I should go now then. See you," Nakayama-kun said all of a sudden.

"Ah- wait!" I called out to him, just as he took a few steps, heading in another direction.

"W-well, they're a few seats there, so you could join us if you'd like," I offered.

Nakayama-kun stole a glance at the table, before turning away. Of course, he tried to make it as subtle as possible, but I realised it anyway.

"Nah, it's fine. . . I'll just eat alone, thanks for the offer though," He replied with an awkward, dismissive smile.

"Mm-" I mumbled, "It-it's not a problem."

"Erm. . . I guess I'll see you later at training then," he said, before making a move.

"Yeah."

He started walking away, and so did I, heading towards Ka-chan and the rest, before suddenly I heard him call me.

"Furukawa-chan!" he called out to me, "Can I have lunch with you some time?"

I blushed, and only managed to nod my head curtly in reply. A shy, wiry smile lit up his face, and he turned around, walking towards an empty table, before placing his bag down on a seat and sitting directly beside it. I realised that I hadn't moved an inch since Nakayama-kun and I parted just now, so I hurriedly went up to the empty seat beside Ka-chan, and sat down.

"Here," Ka-chan said, passing my lunchbox to me, sliding it across the table.

"Thanks," I thanked her.

"You're welcome," she said in reply.

Somehow, my arrival kind of silenced the table, probably because Kashiwagi-san didn't want to speak anymore. I don't know, maybe it was just a coincidence, but I highly doubt so. Nonetheless, the only snippets of conversation happened between Ka-chan and Sayaka-chan, and Kashiwagi-san was just eating silently, responding meagrely when Ka-chan or Sayaka-chan asked him something. It was always like this, whenever I was around in a small group with him, Kashiwagi-san doesn't seem to be himself. He usually wasn't like this, but whenever I was in close proximity with him, he seemed to suddenly lose topics on what to speak about, or maybe he just chose not to speak. Well, in cases where there was something exciting to talk about my presence wouldn't matter, but at times where usual small talk or a typical conversation were to occur, my presence meant the life or death of it.

Today I had rice and salmon again. Well, at least for a change, my mother changed the vegetable side, instead of just some cabbage and corn kernels, she actually made coleslaw, which was a rather pleasant surprise. I picked up my chopsticks with my right hand, about to tuck into my meal, when I remembered what Nakayama-kun said just now, that I could eat as much salmon as I want, without needing to worry about getting fat. I giggled to myself at how nonsensical it was, and that caught Ka-chan's attention.

"Ah, you're in such a good mood today, A-chan," Ka-chan commented, "You're always looking so dark and grumpy."

I giggled slightly.

"Rice and salmon again?" she asked.

"Yeap," I replied, "How about you?" I asked, peeking at her open lunchbox, trying to see what she was having.

"My mother packed me some tempura today," she replied, "Want some?" she offered, picking up one of the deep-friend golden battered prawns with her chopsticks.

"I think I'm fine with just salmon for todays" I giggled, still smiling to myself.

We continued eating, and I was already done with my food when suddenly Yamamoto-san showed up. It was kind of obvious that he was here because Ka-chan was here. Well, I had no problem whatsoever with him if it was just him, although I felt that it got kind of irritating, and I was kind of sick of looking at his face.

"Hey, can I join you guys?" he asked.

"Yeah. . .Sure," Ka-chan said, placing a piece of tempura in her mouth.

"Have you eaten lunch yet?" Kashiwagi-san asked him.

"No, I had some matters to settle at the general office, then I went back up to class to get my lunchbox." Yamamoto-san replied as he sat down on the seat beside Kashiwagi-san and directly opposite Ka-chan.

"Ah, okay. . . I see," Ka-chan said awkwardly, not knowing what to say.

Yamamoto-san then opened his lunchbox which were just a few sandwiches, neatly arranged on top of each other. Seeing another boy arrive at the table, Kashiwagi-san saw it as an opportunity to start talking again, saving us all from the awkward silence.

"Wouldn't you be hungry? You eat so little!" he remarked.

"Well, my mom didn't have time to pack me rice or anything, but I'm fine with just sandwiches actually." Yamamoto-san replied.

"I would still be starving if I were you." Kashiwagi-san said. "I mean, I can't go a day without eating rice! I'd feel so lethargic," he continued.

"That's so you," Sayaka-chan joked, and the four of them laughed.

"What do you usually eat Yamamoto-san?" Ka-chan asked politely.

"Ah, I usually have rice and tempura. Sometimes my mom fries some chicken to go with it," he replied awkwardly.

"That's what I usually get too!" Ka-chan exclaimed, "I wish I had sandwiches too sometimes, egg mayo is my favourite!" she continued, putting her palms together.

"Ah, umm. . .You could have one if you'd like, they're tuna but if you still want it then. . .Y-you can have it I guess. . ." Yamamoto-san offered, blushing and stuttering.

"N-no! I-I didn't mean it that way, I already had lunch, you'll be hungry if you don't eat!" Ka-chan said, shaking her head nervously in panic.

"No, it's fine if you really want it," he said, pushing his lunchbox across the table to Ka-chan.

"But you'll go hungry, and there's training later!" Ka-chan refused, returning the lunchbox to him.

"Nevermind! I'm giving it to you," He insisted, insistent on handing his sandwiches over to Ka-chan.

I sighed, it was already certain that she didn't want it. She was probably rejecting it because he was thinking of him, but he didn't see that.

"She said no."

The whole table fell silent and I felt all their eyes on me. It was the first time I'd spoken since Yamamoto-san arrived. Yamamoto-san kind of froze for a moment, looking at me, both surprised and shocked at hearing me say that. Or maybe it was the harshness of my tone that silenced him, I don't know, and I didn't really care. The fact that he was pushing himself onto Ka-chan like that in such an upfront manner without realising how stupid he looked was repulsive, and it kind of pissed me off.

The world would be a much better place if extroverts just disappeared. These puny humans should burn in hell.

"Yeah, no thanks. . ." Ka-chan said, pushing the lunchbox back to Yamamoto-san, "I'm really sorry, but you should have them, you'll need the energy for training later," she apologised, her palms placed together, a sweet smile on her pretty lips.

"Ah, I'm sorry, Murakami-san. . . I didn't mean to. . ." Yamamoto-san mumbled.

"It's fine, don't worry about it. Ayano over heere only tried to help, so please don't get offended by her harshness," Ka-chan replied.

"Eh?" I said unintentionally, surprised at what Ka-chan just said.

To be honest, I was harsh because I wanted him to get away from Ka-chan, well, she was rather cornered, so I guess it was that fact that made me step in. I didn't care if he was offended or not, I couldn't be bothered. I disliked him, he had all the friends in the world, he was surrounded by people, and he could just talk to anybody. He was in a sense, like Kashiwagi-san, except he had a more defined group of close friends, Hayate-kun included, and was more popular yet wasn't as confident or as charismatic as Kashiwagi-san. Well, outgoing yes, but on a lesser scale. Maybe he just didn't need to attract people's attention, they just came naturally to him, as if he was a magnet.

Yamamoto-san just kept quiet, and didn't respond, of course, who would talk to someone, especially a classmate who was as unapproachable as me.

"Hayate, over here!"  Yamamoto-san called out.

I looked behind, and saw Hayate-kun walking up to us. He kind of said a simple 'hi' to Kashiwagi-san, Sayaka-chan and Kameko-chan , and went up to Yamamoto-san and jokingly slapped his back rather hard, I could hear the thump of the impact on his back. I bet that would hurt but, Yamamoto-san only laughed. Hayate-kun then had no choice but to take the last remaining seat, the one which was directly opposite me. He ignored me, and didn't even acknowledge the fact that I was there, well, what would I expect.

Yamamoto-san and him had some sort of exchange, while Kashiwagi-san continued talking with Kameko-chan and Sayaka-chan. Ka-chan managed to pull me into the conversation somehow, and I kind of talked for a fair bit, but only to Ka-chan and Sayaka-chan. I didn't really bother with Kashiwagi-san usually. Nonetheless, after some while, I took out my phone and checked out some blogs I had bookmarked quite a while ago, to check for updates.

Some new updates were posted, a few which I found really interesting. Well, one of the fashion blogs I was looking through were showcasing the latest accessories from Harajuku, and I found one of the key chains, a silver piece in a shape of a heart, decorated with amethyst to be rather adorable. I tugged Ka-chan's sleeve, and showed her the picture.

"Aww, it's cute!" she squealed in adoration.

"Hey let me see!" Sayaka-chan exclaimed, leaning from her seat to get a glimpse of my phone screen.

I held it out so that she could see, and she echoed Ka-chan's reaction.

"But it's kind of expensive though," I said.

"That's too bad then, what a pity. . ." Ka-chan replied.

I retracted my arm, and continued browsing through the blogs. I was looking through one of the entertainment blogs when I overheard the conversation between Yamamoto-san and Hayate-kun.

"Hey, who are you texting? You're so busy with your phone nowadays." Yamamoto-san remarked.

In the corner of my eye I saw Hayate-kun looking slightly annoyed.

"No one, it's not your business." Hayate-kun replied.

"Let me see who you're talking to!" Yamamoto-san exclaimed, attempting to grab the phone from Hayate-kun's hand.

Somehow, after a struggle, the phone managed to end up in his hands, and he began to look through the phone. Hayate-kun angrily told him to return it, but Yamamoto-san just shifted in his seat, turning away from Hayate-kun, and continued browsing. Finally, after quite a struggle, Hayate-kun managed to snatch back the phone from Yamamoto-san.

"Woah, she doesn't look that bad."Yamamoto-san remarked, a sneer on his face.

Those words instantly caught my attention.

"Shut up," Hayate-kun replied curtly.

"Is she a gravure model?" Yamamoto-san questioned him.

"It's none of your business."

"I think I've seen her before. Can you give me her e-mail address?" Yamamoto-san said, "I want to talk to her too!"

"Nope," Hayate-kun said, annoyed, "Come on, this is personal."

"You send e-mails to her right?"

"Yeah?"

"Which school is she from?"

"Not really far from here, actually."

"Cool, all three of us can meet up with her for a date or something."

"In your dreams."

So, it became this then? I was sure expecting this, but I certainly didn't expect him to be talking about it in front of me. Their words sliced my heart into tatters. But of course, he moved on, why must he care about my feelings now, when I didn't care about his back then? Yes, it was my fault, but I couldn't take what I was hearing now.

He's found someone better than me, my aching heart whispered.

It hurt, it really did. How could he? But then again, in what position am I to say this? I have no right to feel this way, when I myself have wronged him. Since we'd technically broken up, there wasn't anything wrong with him looking for a new girl.

Yet it still hurts.

I could not control my tears. They started to flow uncontrollably, yet I quickly rubbed them away in fear that Hayate-kun would see them.

"I-I'm going to the bathroom." I told Ka-chan.

I supposed she saw me tearing up, and was about to tell me to wait, but before she could react to what I said, I stood up, and walked briskly away from the table, and walked down the corridor. I hadn't even reached the privacy of the girl's bathroom when my tears just fell, my sobs turned into hiccups, and I covered my face with my hands, ashamed of letting other people see me weep. My tears dampened my forearm. I walked faster, and eventually my legs sped up into a run.

"A-chan!"

I turned my head around swiftly, strands of long hair flying into my face, caressing my wet, sticky cheeks. Ka-chan was behind me, running up to me, the sound of her shoes slapping against the floor bouncing off the walls. She went up to me, and hugged me, in the middle of the corridor, just like that. I fell limp, her arms around my shoulders, and in shame, I rested my chin on her shoulder, facing away from anybody who might be passing us by on the corridor. Ka-chan rubbed my back with her right palm, trying to soothe me.

"How could he?" I sobbed.

"It's okay dear, everything will be alright," she whispered in my ear.

I couldn't help but just let all my bitter tears out. I could feel the wet saltiness on my lips. We were silent for a moment, and fortunately I calmed down, and Ka-chan let me go.

"Is it alright for me to feel this way?" I muttered, "After all I'd done to him?" I continued, the words barely escaping my lips.

"I don't really know what happened in the first term when I was gone, but well, what they did was rather insensitive," she replied, "It must have hurt a lot." She continued.

I nodded painfully, without a word. Suddenly, I heard footsteps down the corridor, slow, but steady, and loud enough for them to be heard. I turned slowly, and saw Sayaka-chan walk towards us down the corridor.

Only then I realised that she was wearing a hairband, but I guess it wasn't at the right moment to comment about it. Her fringe was swept to the left, and her hair seemed to curl up just before it touched her shoulders. She walked up to me, and put her hand on my shoulder.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, concerned.

"Yeah..." I managed to mutter.

"But seriously how could he say that?" Sayaka-chan said, "That was really mean."

"It's fine, it's my fault anyway." I replied, "I deserved it."

"You should really stop blaming yourself for everything, you know." Sayaka-chan said.

I sighed, knowing that they care for me, but I was kind of disappointed with myself. I knew I kept blaming myself, and I knew they were trying their best to stop me from doing that, but yet I keep falling into this cycle of self-hate. I need to stop, but my failure to do so only manages to disappoint me.

I was disappointed with myself for being disappointed with myself. I know they try hard, but I only let them down.

"There, there. You should go wash up," Ka-chan said, "We'll deal with this later."

I heard the two of them talking as I pushed the bathroom door open, creaking, before letting go and letting it close behind me.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————-

"Class, turn to page five of your worksheet, we'll attempt these three examples, they'll be coming out for the test next week, before school closes for the summer holidays," Kuronuma-sensei said, retrieving some marker pens from her pencil box.

The class silently flipped through their worksheets placed on the table, and I did the same. My fingers fiddled around inside my unzipped denim pencil case, searching for a pen for me to use. I pulled out a pen, and realised it was a fine-tip purple ink pen which I bought not so long ago. It was on sale at the local bookstore, so I grabbed a few, of assorted colours. I personally liked the particular shade of violet ink the pen had, so I chose it, and I use it most of the time. The barrel was also decorated with cherry blossom prints, light pink against a violet background, which I found rather cute and appealing. The other three pens which I bought were moss green, baby blue and black, and each had its own unique design which caught my eye. The window beside me was wide open, allowing the noon sunshine to stream in, and the occasional breeze flew in, lifting up strands of my hair.

Kuronuma-sensei was scribbling something on the board, writing down the equation step by step for the first question. I had already done the examples at home, since the fashion blogs I frequent don't update every day, and I wasn't that a big fan of procrastination, so I ended up studying and preparing ahead for lessons at home. That leaves me with ample free time in class, so whenever I felt confident enough in a topic, I could afford to not pay attention in class, yet still get rather admirable grades. Well, it's not really that admirable I guess, but they're rather decent for my standards. I've always felt that I could score higher, but then there would always be careless mistakes and errors. Well, hearing the word 'tested' uttered by Kuronuma-sensei gained my attention, but after a while my attention wandered off, as I had already gone through the examples yesterday, and I found the topic rather easy to grasp. Perhaps this was where I got my habit of observing people from, since I had nothing better to do in class.

After getting bored of twirling my pen between my fingers, I looked around the class for a moment, and at that moment, I saw, in the corner of my eye, Hayate-kun folding paper planes. I continued observing him, even though I was looking ahead, towards the whiteboard. I tried to do so discreetly, so he wouldn't notice. He was seated along the same row as me, just a seat stood between the two of us, so I could see him rather clearly from where I was, without obviously turning.

He apparently tore a page from his notebook, and was moulding it into a paper plane. He was more focused on the plane than the lesson, and I realised the page he was at was already filled up, just like mine. He must have finished all his examples too, and he didn't need to pay any attention. I then folded my arms on the table, and rested my chin in the gap in between. I retracted my arms closer so that my face was half-covered, as per habit sometimes, yet I was still observing Hayate-kun.

His face was calm, his fingers adjusting the creases on the paper. He finished folding, and smiled at what he had just created. I too, unintentionally smiled. His actions really brought memories flooding back. They felt bittersweet, playing inside my head, those faded memories, from some lost time a long time ago.

It was the middle of spring, the air was fresh, the short spring showers were frequent, and the last of the pink cherry blossoms had faded away. The second school year had just started, and so did the first, and longest trimester of the year. It was a Wednesday, I remembered, since Hayate-kun didn't have any water polo activities that day, and hence could leave school early with me. We were at the tram stop, waiting for a tram. That day Hayate-kun taught me how to fold a paper plane.

I had just picked up origami for interest, after reading about it from one of the fashion blogs over the spring holidays. There was a video one of the bloggers posted, a segment of an entertainment show where a few celebrities were folding some paper planes. I found it rather cute, and wanted to try it out for myself, so I looked for origami paper on my shelf and managed to find an old, unused stack. I had no previous experience of origami so I had to look up on the internet for some reference videos and tutorials. I started with simple forms first, and being the fast learner that I was, quickly moved on to attempt the more elaborate figures. I used that one stack up rather quickly, since it was already rather depleted by the time I discovered it, and decided to buy another one from the bookstore, so I went to the bookshop that day after school with Hayate-kun to get a fresh stack.

When arrived in the nick of time at the tram stop to see the tram roll ahead the track, leaving us behind at the tram station. We had to wait for at least ten minutes for the next one to arrive, since it was during the off-peak period. The two of us took a seat at the bench, side by side. I decided to try and show Hayate-kun the latest thing I learnt, a cherry blossom. I took out a pale pink piece of paper from the plastic, and began to fold it with my fingers. I kind of got lost in the middle, perhaps I missed a step, and in the end I ended up with a jumbled up mess.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Hayate-kun remarked, laughing at me.

"Don't laugh! I could get it yesterday!" I retaliated.

"Well, why don't you try something simpler first?" he suggested.

"Nah, I'm fine, I just need more practice," I said.

"Why don't you fold a paper plane? It's quite easy, you know. It's great for starters," he stated.

I fell silent and hesitated answering him. I fidgeted with my fingers in awkwardness. To be honest, I have never folded a paper plane before. When I tried out origami, I just jumped in, and tried out with sculptures which were actually rather elaborate.

"Don't tell me you could fold all those elaborate things yet you don't know how to fold a paper plane." Hayate-kun said to me.

"Yeah," I muttered awkwardly, blushing, "I don't," I continued.

"You're always like that, you like to skip the most basic of things," Hayate-kun sighed, "Sometimes you have to learn to take small steps."

"Mm," I mumbled in response.

"Pass me the paper," Hayate-kun said, his left palm outstretched and open, "I'll teach you."

I passed him the paper, and he taught me how to fold a simple, little paper plane. It was easier than anything I'd ever folded, from what he showed me. I admired his face as he folded it, his pupils were focused and his brow bent in a slight frown. He folded the paper into creases, step by step, and finally he managed to fold a paper plane, albeit small, due to the size of the square origami paper.

"Now you try," he said with a smile, and placing the completed paper plane into my palm.

I smiled shyly and took out another piece of paper from the plastic wrapping. I gently emulated his steps, folding the creases according to his instruction, until I finally ended up with a petite paper plane. Honestly, I felt happy and had a small sense of achievement after being able to fold a paper plane. Finally, the first paper plane I had ever folded in my life. Hayate-kun's smile lifted my spirits a bit, and I felt the warmth in my chest.

"Want to see it fly?" Hayate-kun asked.

"Sure!" I said excitedly.

At that moment, Hayate-kun stood up from his seat. With the paper plane he made in one hand, he stretched backwards, and as if he were a javelin thrower, he flung his paper plane forward. The light blue aircraft was carried away by the wind, flying across the road, above vehicles, riding on the soft spring afternoon breeze. I watched as it slowly decelerated before coming to a stop altogether, landing on the pavement on the opposite side of the road. It stayed still for a moment, before it was blown away by a strong gust of wind.

The two of us laughed, and I stood up to throw my paper plane too, but Hayate-kun stopped me.

"I don't know. . .But I'd like it if you kept it." he said suddenly.

"Ah, why?" I asked, confused.

"I don't know. . ." he replied, blushing, "No reason in particular."

I giggled at his response but then I reassured him that I'd keep it. He smiled at me shyly. I chucked it in my bag, and well, it got lost once I repacked my bag the next day. Whatever happened to the paper plane I folded was a mystery.

"Furukawa-san, please answer question four."

I looked up, and saw Kuronuma-sensei looking at me. Fortunately, I had already done my work yesterday, so I just had to read off my paper.

"Ah yes," I stood up, knocked out of my daydream, "Five x squared divided by. . ."

——————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Class ended at three-thirty, and Ka-chan and I made our way to the stadium steps for training. I generally disliked Wednesdays, since I had both PE lessons and training, and that meant I had to bring along with me two sets of PE attire, and I found that rather troublesome. Ka-chan agreed with me, when we talked about the fact on our way to the stadium steps. We soon ran out of things to talk about, and our conversation died there.

The weather wasn't really that great, it was sweltering and the sun was burning up the sky. I could feel the sweat dampening my skin. Well, it was nearing the zenith of summer, so I shouldn't be expecting for anything less. The sky was cloudless and clear, but that fact made the heat unbearable. I drifted off, thinking about how good it was to be inside an air-conditioned shopping mall right now, instead of this heat, when we arrive at the stadium steps.

Yamamoto-san was already there, sitting on our usual row of seats in the far corner. His white-and-green striped haversack slumped on the floor between one stadium row and the other. In his left hand was his phone, and he was too engaged, bending over it, until he did not realise our arrival. Of course, he was the first one to arrive for training, and he would have to wait for all of us before we could begin. If Ka-chan and I changed faster we would probably be earlier.

"I see you come here rather early Kenji-san," Ka-chan said to him.

The tan boy looked kind of shocked to hear Ka-chan talking to him, and looked kind of flustered as he shot his head up suddenly, nearly dropping his phone in the process. He maanged to calm down after a while, but still flushed with embarrassment after letting his clumsiness get the better of him.

"Y-yeah, you know, I always get here rather early," he replied awkwardly.

"Ah, I see then," Ka-chan said, walking up to the seat beside him and placing her bag down.

I followed suit, and sat beside her, waiting for the others to arrive before Yamamoto-san would mark the attendance and we would begin, like usual. Ka-chan took out her hairband from her bag and tied her hair into two low ponytails, one on each side, the hairbands placed slightly below her ears. It looked more like my usual hairstyle now. Ka-chan had been trying different ways of tying her hair up for every training, and she hadn't really settled on one yet.

"Our hairstyles look the same now." Ka-chan remarked, smiling.

She then turned around, to Yamamoto-san.

"What do you think?" she said, adjusting her fringe to her left.

"Yeah, its. . . Nice, I guess," Yamamoto-san replied awkwardly, averting his gaze.

Ka-chan giggled, and muttered a word of thanks to him, before looking through her bag to look for something.

"Wednesdays are troublesome aren't they?" Ka-chan said, striking up a conversation with Yamamoto-san.

"Umm. . . Why do you say so?" He asked, perplexed.

"Well, you know, we have both training and PE on the same day, then we'll have to pack two sets of PE attire, and that takes up a lot of space," Ka-chan said.

"Ah. . ." he said.

That's when I noticed it. He was kind of hesitant to kind of reply to Ka-chan, and that he picked up his bag and placed it on his lap. His shirt didn't look new, in fact it appeared damp, and wrinkled with creases. I was certain Ka-chan noticed it too.

"You mean... you don't bring two sets of attire?" Ka-chan asked.

Yamamoto-san nodded his head slowly.

"That's gross! How could you stand wearing that sticky shirt twice!" Ka-chan exclaimed, surprised.

"Erm-" Yamamoto-san said, his face turning a bright red, "Well, it's kind of stuffy to carry two sets of uniform in my bag and. . .Yeah." He continued, scratching the back of his head with his left hand.

"But don't you feel uncomfortable with all that sweat?" Ka-chan asked him.

"Well, I don't really mind... and when I run I'll get drenched in sweat anyway," he replied.

"But you don't get the point!" Ka-chan screamed at him jokingly.

After quite some time, we started training, on the dot exactly at four o'clock. Yamada-kun arrived around three-fifty and Nakayama-kun, as per usual arrived last, precisely at four. He placed his bag at the usual seat, a column away from us, while the four of us sat at our row at the far back. Nakayama-kun waved to me and said hi to me, the only person in the entire group which he even acknowledged their presence. I smiled, and returned his greeting.

We then proceeded with training. For warm ups, as per usual, we had to run a few rounds around the track. As per the norm, the boys will end up far ahead of Ka-chan and I. I knew that I was a rather slow runner, and I run out of breath easily. Ka-chan, on the other hand, was faster than me, but she decided to stick with me, so we both ended up lagging far behind. Sometimes Yamada-kun would join us, since he wasn't that keen on wasting energy on warm-ups, but usually he was just running at a rather normal running speed. Yamamoto-san's speed was rather fast, but well, Nakayama-kun was faster. Those two would sometimes be in front, neck-to-neck, but at times Yamamoto-san would also be walking with Ka-chan and I at the back, well, to talk to Ka-chan of course.

That Wednesday was one of one those days. After the second lap, I basically gave up on running altogether, so Ka-chan and I ended up walking for the next three laps. Nakayama-kun was far in front, nearly sprinting for the entire time, with a few short breaks before bursting into a quick run again. Ka-chan and Yamamoto-san were talking about something, and I couldn't be bothered in particular. Nakayama-kun lapped us again, running along his lane and not even looking back.

"Were you looking at him?"

I turned to my left and saw Yamada-kun walking beside me

"No, I wasn't," I lied, averting my gaze away from Yamada-kun.

"Don't lie to me," Yamada-kun laughed, a mischievous smirk on his face, teasing me.

"Well, I was just looking, no wrong in doing that," I said, blushing, "But won't he get tired, running so fast like that?"

"Hmm, yeah I guess, but well, that's him," Yamada-kun said, "I'm not going to comment on anything or whatseover."

"He's trying to show off," Yamamoto-san suddenly cut in, "It's disgusting."

"But aren't you faster than him?" Yamada-kun said.

"Yeah, but still," Yamamoto-san replied, "My eyes hurt," he loathed.

Everyone fell quiet, and didn't say a word after that. Ka-chan in particular, was silent and did not appear to be receptive to any smithereens of conversation that the two boys tried to come up with. When we reached the stadium steps after three rounds of strolling, Nakayama-kun was already there, taking sips of water from his water bottle.

"We'll just have a five minute break, then we'll set up." Yamamoto-san said.

Ka-chan and I went up to our bags and went to take a sip of water from our water bottles. It wasn't that tiring, but since the captain already let us off for a five minute break, what more should I do, but rest?

Soon, it was time to set up. Yamamoto-san went off to unlock the store, and Nakayama-kun went with him. He just trailed Yamamoto-san, without even uttering a word to him. On the other hand, Yamamoto-san-san seemed to not care at all, his body language showing that whether Nakayama-kun was there or not, wasn't really a matter of concern to him.

Ka-chan then went off to the store to get a pole, while I sauntered over to the throws. Only after walking halfway across the field did I realise I needed to get the entire basket of discuses, so I turned back. As I did so, I saw Nakayama-kun walk towards me. In his arms, were the grey basket, full of discuses, the one which I wanted to take from the store.

"Ah, you-you didn't need to!" I stuttered, blushing.

"No worries, it's fine!" Nakayama-kun said, smiling, as he placed the grey basket onto the ground.

"But what about sprinting? Don't you need to set up the spikes and stuff?" I asked, perplexed.

"Nah, that's not much work anyway, and you kind of forgot to take your discuses, so I guess I could help bring it to you. . . yeah," he replied awkwardly, his left hand scratching the back of his head.

"Thank you very much," I thanked him, smiling sweetly, "You're a great help." I added.

"It's no big deal." Nakayama-kun replied.

I turned to the left, and saw Yamamoto-san and Ka-chan setting up the pole vault pit together. I'm sure he offered her help, even though Ka-chan was perfectly capable on her own.

"Yeah so I'll see you later then. . ." Nakayama-kun said, before leaving, turning around and heading back towards the track.

At the same time, Ka-chan also finished setting up the pit. I sighed, walked over to the basket of discuses, and began practicing. Picking up a heavy discus, I put my right foot behind for support, before twisting my body and thrusting the discus into the air with my arm, letting it fly, throwing it as far as I could. It flew in the sky for a good few seconds, spinning wildly like a tyre on an accelerating vehicle, before crash-landing into the grass with a loud thump. I managed to hit the mid-range of the entire pit, so I decided to try again with another disc, and achieved a slightly better result.

After what seemed like forever of throwing discus after discus, I decided to take a break. Slightly exhausted, I decided to take a seat on the rubber ground. I noticed in the distance Nakayama-kun sprinting, racing across the length of the track in a matter of seconds. Ka-chan was on the side of the field directly opposite me, preparing a leap. One thing about being in discus is that it was much more relaxed than the other events, and I had plenty of opportunities to rest, since the throws area was much farther than the rest of the events, and it was also kind of hidden from view. That way, Nakayama-san wouldn't be able to see me, but thinking again, it wouldn't have made any difference; whether he could see me slacking or not, he wouldn't dare scold me or anything, since it was obvious that he was kind of uncomfortable with me.

But, oh well. I continued sitting there, enjoying the summer sun, which had toned down slightly.

Just an hour before we can go home...

——————————————————————————————————————————————————-

"Okay, great work guys." Yamamoto-san said, at the end of the session.

We all started packing our bags, preparing to leave. I checked if I had left anything behind, which fortunately, I did not. Ka-chan told me to wait for her, while she went to the bathroom, so I sat there on the seat, my bag on my lap. The afternoon sun shone in the sky, its light streaming onto the stadium steps, although it wasn't that blinding. I fidgeted with my fingers, waiting for Ka-chan. I didn't check my hand phone since I already went through the daily updates for the blogs during recess just now. Everyone had probably gone off already, and I was all alone, or so I thought.

"You're not going off yet?"

I looked up, and saw Nakayama-kun walking up the steps towards me. He smiled at me, and went up to the seat beside me, and sat there.

"Today was tiring," he said, leaning back onto the backrest.

"Yeah, I guess," I replied, not really knowing what to say.

He chuckled awkwardly, and we fell silent. He tried to re-start the conversation.

"So. . .Um-" He started, "Where do you live?"

I was kind of surprised by his question, and when I stayed silent, he kind of panicked nervously.

"N-no, I didn't mean it that way!" he exclaimed, blushing, "L-like which area do you live in-th-that was my question, so please don't get me wrong!" He continued.

I giggled. I guess I found it kind of cute whenever he got nervous.

"I live near Kashiwagicho station." I said.

"Ah, that's just a station before me," he replied, chuckling awkwardly.

"If it's one station away. . ." I pondered out loud, "That means you live in Fukaboricho right?"

"Yeah," he muttered, "Well, I was asking because I thought we could go home together. . .You know," he mumbled, blushing.

"I'm sorry, but I'm waiting for Murakami-san, so if you want to you could follow us on the tram ride home, since she lives near me. We can all go back together." I offered.

"Ah-" he said, "Never mind then, I'll just go home by myself today," he added, standing up.

"So... I'll see you tomorrow I guess." I mumbled to him.

"Yeah, see you," He said picking up his haversack, "Get home safely." He added, walking down the steps.

"Yeah, you too." I replied.

Suddenly, at that moment I felt ticklish vibrations from inside my bag on my lap. I unzipped my bag, and felt around in my bag for my phone. I took it out and unlocked it, and noticed I had a new e-mail. It was from Ka-chan.

"I have some important stuff to do, so you go on ahead."

She ended her message with a smiley face. I instantly chuck the phone into my bag and hurriedly strapped it onto my back. I rose up to my feet and quickly run down the steps.

"Nakayama-kun!" I called out to him as I ran, "Please wait for me!"

In my hurry to catch up with the boy in front of me, I failed to realise the dark silhouette of the girl behind the wall.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————-

The tram pulled up at the sheltered side platform of Matsukazecho station heading east into the eastern suburbs, and the two of us boarded it. It wasn't really crowded, since it was around five in the afternoon, and the crowds usually didn't start until around six, so there were many empty seats in the tram available. The seats consisted of long benches, albeit with padding for comfort, lined along the length of the tram, fixated against the walls. We took the two nearest available seats, when in actual fact we were spoiled for choice. But this behaviour was probably ingrained in us, to take the most convenient space, besides, it would be socially awkward to window-shop for seats.

Sitting beside each other, surprisingly, we had nothing to say. Neither him nor I tried to stir up a conversation to kill the silence. The silence between us wasn't awkward, but it was a sweet kind of silence, resonating the silence of the tram when we both first entered. The tram stopped at each station, picking up some passengers and alighting others. The sun, already tilting towards the west, shone over Hakodate bay, and its blinding afternoon light filtered through the thick glass of the tram windows, lighting up the interior of the tram in a comfortable, warm, glow.

Station after station the tram passed by, crossing the canal between Chitosecho and Showabashi. As the tram went deeper into the eastern suburban parts of the city, away from the main city centre on the jutting Kameda peninsula, the buildings noticeably get less densely-packed, and significantly lower too, save for the occasional cluster of apartment towers. The stations also began to shrink in complexity, the sheltered stands with overhanging roofs and seats were gradually replaced with bare raised platforms, only fences on the back of the platform demarcating where the platform ended and where one lane of the road began. The air conditioning grew colder, so I hugged my bag as per habit whenever it got cold. Nakayama-kun on the other hand had popped in a pair of earphones in his ears and was listening to some music, albeit a little to loudly, from his phone.

Soon enough, the tram passed a car dealer between Suginamicho and Kashiwagicho, where I was supposed to alight. Seeing the familiar bright yellow signage, I stood up.

"I'm alighting now, so see you tomorrow," I said awkwardly, breaking the serene silence of the train.

"Ah, wait-" Nakayama-kun said, as the tram started to pull over to the platform at Kashiwagicho.

"Well, I really have to get off now, so I'll see you tomorrow okay?" I replied, dismissing him.

As much as I wanted to know what he wanted to say, I could not afford to miss the stop, since the distance between my stop and the next was rather far, and I did not want to wait another ten minutes for another tram to arrive going in the westbound direction to get back. I was already standing at the door, preparing to hop off the moment the doors opened, when Nakayama-kun stood up and went up to me. The doors opened at that moment to, seemingly simultaneous.

"Well, see you!" I said, stepping onto the platform.

"Is it okay if I could get your-"

The doors shut. I looked up and saw Nakayama-kun standing behind the glass window. He was beetroot, and he tried to avert my gaze. Confused, and not knowing what to do, I smiled and waved at him as a farewell. In reply, he smiled back awkwardly, the sweet, shy wiry smile he gave when he was nervous. I only managed to catch a glimpse of it before the tram went off, but it was enough for me to keep thinking about it, even after I reached home.

"See you tomorrow, Nakayama-kun," I whispered, watching as the tram headed east, with the green, forest-covered mountains in the background.