Origami Girl

Chapter 20: Tōryanse III

"It's terrifying, but

You may go in,

You may pass through"

- Tōryanse

September and October passed us in a flurry, time slipping away through the gaps of our fingers. But then we never really realised how fast the time was melting away, everyone was too busy with their own things. The leaves of the trees lining the streets have all transformed into beautiful hues of ochre, crimson and cinnamon. November had arrived, and with it the school year draws nearer to a closure. Only winter lay between us and graduation. Graduation and a shaky, uncertain future.

"This is hopeless," Yukino-kun grumbled, scratching his head. "I'm just no good at math, alright?"

"Come on," I tried to encourage him. "You'll just have to practice enough and you'll be able to handle it."

I watched as I tried to help him tackle some of the math sums to help him to pass any university entry examinations, if he was interested in any. He never asked me to help him, but on my free days when I was not out with Sayaka-chan and Kashiwagi-san studying at the library, I would invite my boyfriend over after school over to study for a bit. It was mainly me trying to aid him in his academics, but also because we rarely seemed to have any more time to hang out with each other anymore, just the two of us. The boy sighed, before letting his pen drop from his fingers onto the dining table.

"I told you," he muttered as he fell back onto the backrest of the dining chair. "It's no use."

"You're no longer a child, Yukino-kun," I said, touching his forearm that lay on the table in front of me. "You can't just keep on giving up like that."

"If only I were you. . ." he mumbled. "Then my mother would certainly not be so worried about my grades."

"Eh?" I replied, surprised at what he had just said.

"Well, I know my mother's really concerned about my school performance, but it's not like I can do anything about it even if I chose to," he mumbled.

"That's why I'm here, Yukino-san," I offered. "I'm here so I can help you get better grades. Don't you want that?"

Yukino-kun just grunted, before folding his arms and resting his head on the table.

"I'm going to rest my head for a while," he muttered. "My brain hurts."

Before I could reply, he had already buried his face within his folded arms, stealing some shuteye. We hadn't even finished barely a page of math problems, but I guess it was all right. I knew he particularly couldn't have been bothered, but it was my duty to help make him be able to at least get into some private university at the very least. I wasn't sure what degree he would be taking, but in all honesty that was up to him to work hard in order to improve himself.

I let him rest for a while to clear his head. Even I myself found that the questions that we were going through for that day were kind of challenging, so I guess I shouldn't be so angry at Yukino-kun then. As he calmly shut his eyes there, I thought in my head about what the future prospects could be for Yukino-kun. He was rather brash and can be quite impatient, so I was sure the service sector isn't exactly for him. On the other hand, he can be quite caring, and he had a rather soft spot for animals, so I guess he would be good and well-suited on a job dealing with animals. In the case where he can't make it to a university, he could always try out a vocational school. But Yukino-kun has never discussed to me anything about his future, so I just kept quiet about it. Me bringing up this issue would probably just irk him.

Last September Yukino-kun had turned eighteen. Nothing much happened at the dinner, Asami-san and her stepmother had helped set up the food, and Ms Nakayama had brought home cake. The parcels that Yukino-kun brought home were actually the present his mother had bought for him.

"You didn't really have to, okaa-san," the boy said to his mother as we sat at the dinner table after we were done with dinner.

Ms Nakayama, still clad in her work clothes, a white long-sleeved blouse and a black knee-length skirt, just smiled sweetly at him.

"Dear," she said. "It's your birthday, don't worry about it."

At that moment, she went to the sofa and picked the box up, where they had moved it when the ladies were setting up the table. She returned to where we all were, and passed it to Yukino-kun who was seated beside her.

"Go ahead," she beckoned. "Open it."

Yukino-kun received the box with both hands and placed it on his lap. He opened the lid, and as soon as he stole a peek into its contents, a wide smile broke out on his face.

"How do you know I've always wanted these?" Yukino-kun asked, surprised. "Awesome."

He opened the lid, and brought out a pair of black and white, high-cut leather sneakers. For a moment I could sense the tinge of happiness mixed with excitement in his eyes. It had been some time since I saw his eyes that joyful and full of energy.

The mother looked to me and smiled. I just smiled back. It surely must be hard for her to find the time to look for that present especially for her son. I also supposed this must be her first time celebrating Yukino-kun's birthday in a while, since the previous year I remembered when I came over, she was busy organising her files before rushing off to meet with a client. The last year too, Asami-san had to leave for her part-time work. I was glad that the three of us were able to celebrate Yukino-kun's eighteenth birthday with him. Deep in my heart, I hoped that Yukino-kun felt happy, even if it was just for a moment. To see his eyes full of energy when he took the present from his mother made me feel better as well.

Following that, Asami-san and I gave him our presents  as well. Asami-san had bought her step-brother a new guitar book, and he graciously accepted.

"Thanks," he said. "That's really nice of you."

"It's your birthday, don't worry about it," the older girl.

A small smile lit up the boy's face as he put the book and the sneakers away. Feeling like it was then my turn to present him with my gift, I stood up, and scurried over to my handbag, where I had placed the bag with the present beside.

Yukino-kun looked at my present as I handed it to him.

"Ah," he muttered. "Thanks."

I just nodded my head in response. Somehow I felt a little hurt that his reaction to my present was somewhat milder than how he had reacted to the other two. But still, I tried to understand. Ms Nakayama is the one who was with him during his childhood, and his sister works hard to atone for what she called her 'wrongdoings'. They had a special place in his heart reserved for them. Somehow, I felt like I was not part of that special place. I tried to keep quiet during the entire conversation at the dinner table. I was hurt, yes, but it wasn't like I could blame him. It was just selfish of me to just assume that I was very special to him just because I was the only person who talked to him in school.

Yukino-kun laughed and smiled at the dining table as we each had a slice of cake that Ms Nakayama had bought to celebrate the occasion. He seemed like he was a different person, jubilant and conversing with the other two women. I just silently ate my slice of cake. Surely they didn't know about him smoking, I'm sure he wouldn't want them to know something like that. If he had made an effort to put on a farce to show that he was all fine just to keep his mother happy, I'm sure he would never want them to know that he smoked.

Somehow I felt somewhat special, I guess, that I was the only one he showed off his broken side to. He was still rather elusive, but who was I to demand clarity? I kept him in the dark about my intentions to leave for Sapporo too. Now that I've promised him never to leave his side, I had no choice but to shut up. I wonder what would have changed if I had not spoken that lie, would it change a thing? Should I have been straightforward with him? But whatever has happened had happened, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to take those words back.

"I'm going to the bathroom," he said, before standing up, rubbing his eyes.

"G-go ahead," I told him.

As soon as he disappeared down the hallway and slammed the bathroom door shut, I let out a huge sigh.  Why isn't he putting in any effort? Perhaps Asami-san was right, perhaps he had given up on his future. He just doesn't seem to care anymore. I know it wasn't right for me to impose my values and what I believe on him, but it didn't seem right to leave him dangling like that either. Everyone around us, from Himura-san to Kashiwagi-san and Sayaka-chan, they all had solid plans ahead of them as well. It was just Yukino-kun. It felt like he needed a good dose of reality.

I immediately opened the conversation with him when Yukino-kun came back from the bathroom.

"Do you plan on going to a vocational college?" I questioned him.

"Well, that's the only choice I have don't I?" he replied, picking up his pen.

"But that being said," I replied. "Don't you want to take anything in vocational college? You know, you need to choose a course you're interested in."

"That doesn't really matter does it?" he questioned, leaning back onto the backrest of his chair.

"Of course it does!" I answered. "This is your future we're talking about!"

Yukino-kun sighed. He did that every time I tried to bring up the subject. I guess he might be tired of listening to me nag and chide him, but I have to. It was for his own good.

"To be honest, what's your deal?" he asked. "What do you have to do with my future?"

"Because," I muttered. "Because I care about you."

The boy fell silent. Averting his eyes, he turned to look at the writing paper in front of him, full of scribblings and workings that he tried to work out.

"I do try, okay," he mumbled apologetically.

"It's fine, Yukino-kun," I said. "To be honest, academics aren't everything."

"I know that," he said, tapping his pen on the table. "But I just feel like I'm disappointing you, you know?"

I was nearly taken aback by what I just heard. Did he realise? Perhaps I was too obvious. I should have masked my true feelings better, and I shouldn't have been so forthcoming when I tried to discuss about his future. Surely he'd realise it whenever our conversations ended abruptly when he cut it off.

"Well," I said, trying to change the atmosphere. "At least you're trying, and I'm really happy for you."

His hazel eyes glared at me through the gaps in his fringe. The look on his face told me that he wasn't really that convinced with what I just uttered. I couldn't blame him really, I just said those words for the sake of saying them. It felt like the correct thing to say, so I said them. What mattered was that I did the correct thing, even if my feelings were against it. If those words were able to make him feel somewhat better, I would be glad. But it didn't, and the both of us knew.

"So," Yukino-kun said, his tone bored. "You were talking about vocational school."

"Oh yes," I replied, rather relieved that he himself decided to get the both of us out of that situation. "What courses might interest you in there?"

"Well, I'm not too sure about that now. . ." he answered, folding his arms.

Again with his uncertainty. If I stopped here, I knew the conversation would get to nowhere. So I tried a gentler approach. I guess Yukino-kun had went through enough, and he didn't need me nagging at him. But I had forgotten, just like Yukino-kun, the future was uncertain as well. That was a fact of life that I had forgotten. But when you forget about something concerning life, it always has a way to go about it and make you remember, sometimes in ways you would never have imagined.

"You like cats don't you, Yukino-kun?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

"Yeah, they're adorable," he replied. "And fuzzy."

"So do you think you'd be fine if you worked in a profession that lets you work with cats?" I asked.

"Most certainly," he said. "Working with cats would be fun."

"Then how about you try working as a veterinary assistant?" I suggested. "A few vocational schools in the area offer courses on that, you know?"

"Well. . ." Yukino-kun pondered. "That doesn't sound that bad."

The boy pondered for a while, but I was sure I had managed to make some progress. It felt really nice for me to be able to be part of the process of helping Yukino-kun decide on his future. I was glad that he had taken my words and suggestion into consideration. I was glad that I could at least make him think about it. But in the end, it was still him that had the power to decide for his future. How I wished I could immediately grab the reigns to his life and brought it into a way which I felt was the best for him, the way which I desired, the way which I wanted it to be. But it was impossible wasn't it? Yukino-kun was Yukino-kun, and I was I.

"You'd be able to hold cats every day," I tried to coerce him. "Well, not only cats, but dogs, hamsters and rabbits too. But aren't they all cute!"

A slight smile curled up his lips.

"Yeah," he muttered. "That would be nice."

However the smile vanished as quickly as it appeared. Yukino-kun seemed to look troubled and languid again.

"But you know. . ." he hesitated. "If I become an assistant at an animal clinic, and you become a lawyer. . . Then you'll surely leave me. Someone like me wouldn't be able to marry someone as successful like you. I'm a failure after all, that's as far as I can go."

Yukino-kun looked up at me, his soft lips slightly apart. As if trying to put up a façade, he leaned back against the backrest, folding his arms behind his head. I was left speechless with what I just heard. Shock, resignation, disbelief, all of them ran through my head at once.

"You know, I mean. . ." he said, looking away. "I don't think it's right for us to get married. It's not really nice if a father contributes less money to the household. I mean, my mother's a lawyer, and my dad's a businessman, so it was fine, but for a lawyer to marry an assistant at an animal clinic, that's not really right."

I giggled with joy, looking at the boy in front of me who was trying to act tough spit out those words. Was that an indirect proposal? How adorable could he get?

"Now isn't the time to be thinking of marriage yet, Yukino-kun," I said. "But I appreciate the thought. It's really nice to be proposed to," I added, giggling yet again.

The boy turned beetroot, his cheeks flushing deep red. He looked at me before quickly turning away. He folded his arms, and said nothing.

"Come on," I said. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about that. . . I thought it was rather nice of you that you'd be willing to take me as your wife."

"But I don't think that's possible, even as much as the both of us want to," he muttered.

"Don't say that," I assured him. "I'm sure there'll be some way. . ."

The boy merely sighed. I don't think anything I said got to him. I myself pondered as well. True, I myself believed that people of the same education level were better suited for each other, so they can understand how each other think, and would be able to transverse the challenges of married life smoothly. But there were always exceptions weren't they? I'd like to believe Yukino-kun and I were one of those exceptions. Of course, I'd like to get married to Yukino-kun eventually, but I'd been too caught up thinking about my education and career to be thinking of married life. To me, married life seemed like an entire continent away. I just didn't want to think of the complications of marriage, so out of convenience, I just like to imagine myself being Yukino-kun's future wife.

But Yukino-kun raised some rather valid points. If I myself now as his girlfriend couldn't even understand him fully, how would I expect myself to be his wife, when the troubles and challenges of marriage comes rolling in. At that moment, I resolved to myself to put in more effort in trying to understand my boyfriend, so that when the time comes, the fear of misunderstanding due to differing education levels would not be a hindrance. Yet, for now, I still felt like it was best if we stayed away from the topic. Calling each other 'husband' and 'wife', would make us seem like a bunch of five-year olds playing charades. For now we were girlfriend and boyfriend. After all, we had to live in reality, not get out head stuck in the clouds until we are deluded and blinded to the things happening around us.

"Let's talk about something else," Yukino-kun said. "Sorry for bringing this up, I didn't mean to."

"It's fine," I said. "What's more important is what we're going to do after graduation. Marriage can be talked about some other time. Besides, we have not even the slightest idea about marriage, so who are we to talk about it?" I said light-heartedly.

"You're right," he said. "We were discussing about the courses in the vocational school, weren't we?"

I nodded my head, and the both of us discussed other options that I thought Yukino-kun explore further. For a brief moment as we decided to abandon the math problems in front of us aside, I felt like a career guidance teacher, exploring all of his possible choices, and discussing with him the benefits and limitations of such occupations. The ambivalence I had felt towards him slowly and gradually returned to amicability, and for a brief moment I actually believed and hoped that Yukino-kun could change. He seemed all set up and open, to me, I felt like he had already started to take sown the wall, bringing down bring by brick. Well, that was what I thought.

After we had talked a fair deal about the vocations he could try exploring, Yukino-kun suddenly excused himself, saying that he wanted to go outside for a moment. I immediately knew what that meant, but that didn't stop me from getting off my seat and following him outside to the backyard. Yukino-kun did this whenever he was with me and there was no one else left in the home.

The afternoon sky was starting to show the faint signs of the reproach of the evening. Akio-kun had track that day, so he would only be reaching home rather late. He once asked me why I hadn't been showing up at the track anymore, but I just shrugged his question off with the convenient "I have to study" excuse. I remembered him looking confused, asking me even back in the days I appeared for track, I still had plenty of time to study at night. I just shrugged him off and told him whether I went for track or not was not any concern of his.

Yukino-kun leaned against the wall, and took out the box from his pocket, the small box that I had seen him grown acquainted with rather often. He put the cigarette to his lips, before lighting it up with his lighter. I watched with caution as he sniffed in and exhaled the grey-white mist into the air. I had seen that cloud of smoke from his lips for quite a number of times already, but I never failed to keep my eyes on him whenever he did that.

"You know smoking is bad for you, don't you?" I asked Yukino-kun as he stood there.

"Well of course," the boy muttered in reply.

"Then why do you still do it?" I questioned.

"If it helps me feel better," he muttered, bringing the cigarette away from his lips. "There's no reason for me to stop."

"But it's no good for your health, Yukino-kun. . ." I tried to advise him.

"Seriously, what's the big deal?" he snapped. "It's not like it's illegal or anything."

I sighed. It was true. Even though as much as I did not like Yukino-kun to smoke, cigarettes were just so easily obtainable nowadays. I also knew a group of boys in school who smoked, but I wasn't sure where Yukino-kun obtained his packets. I never asked, and I never wanted to know. The only thing I knew is that he didn't want his mother to know. Nevertheless, I still wasn't too happy about his habit.

Seeing that I could do nothing but leave him alone to his thoughts, I returned to my house, knowing fully well that Yukino-kun would still be smoking there outside. But there wasn't anything that I could do to stop him. The more I tried to help him cut the behaviour out, the more agitated and irritated he became.

I felt horrible about myself, even though a part of me tried to tell me that it was not my fault to begin with. I felt like behind that wall, Yukino-kun was now digging a hole which he was sinking in. I wanted Yukino-kun to drop the habit, but there was nothing I could do. Smoking at Yukino-kun's age would generally be somewhat 'accepted' by society, in which no action is really taken against.  

Feeling rather down and somewhat disappointed, I had lost the mood to study or teach.  I began picking up all the worksheets chucked at one corner of the table to clear up space for dinner later, when everyone was at home. There wasn't really a point in me helping Yukino-kun with his maths , since I was feeling slightly irritated with the boy as well as myself, I didn't think I'd be able to come out to teach something coherent with me feeling like that. Besides, Yukino-kun seemed fatigued as well, and I doubt he'd be willing to receive any information that I tried to impart him with.

"Oh," Yukino-kun said as he returned, coming in from the back door. "You're already packing up? Don't we still have quite some time left?"

"I just don't feel like teaching right now," I muttered. "I'll go rest for a while, if you don't mind."

The truth was that I wasn't really physically tired. I just felt emotionally worn out having to deal with Yukino-kun for days. At first when I first found out that he smoked, I pretty much tried to close one eye about the matter, trying to put myself in his shoes and understand why he might act in such a way. But as time dragged on, and he didn't seem to stop with his habit, I tried to intervene, and the results were not very encouraging. He didn't want to listen to me, even though I made it clear that I didn't agree with what he was doing to himself.

I went upstairs to my bedroom, while Yukino-kun packed his stationery into his pencil case. Upon reaching my room, I sighed, and sank into my comfortable desk chair. Not knowing what to do really, and not in the mood to talk to Yukino-kun, I just spun around in the chair.

I tried to calm myself down. Even though I knew that Yukino-kun probably didn't want me to interfere with his life, but it was for his own good. So far, the fact that I was the only one who knew about this made me feel rather burdened with guilt. What would Asami-san say? What would Ms Nakayama feel if she knew I had condoned her son's smoking and increasing delinquency? If Yukino-kun was my own son, I surely wouldn't have liked it if he decided to smoke at such an early age. I knew many men smoked, but thankfully my family was free of such unhealthy habits. My father himself told me that smoking was bad and we should not even try it.

I felt like a failure. Didn't Asami-san trust her cherished brother to me? Was I not responsible if anything bad happened to him? Questions and worries began to clutter my thoughts.

Suddenly, I heard a knock on my door. I immediately tuned to look at my open doorway, and Found Yukino-kun standing there.

"May I come in?" he asked.

I nodded my head in reply.

"Your room's neat," he commented as he sat at the edge of my bed, making himself comfortable. "As usual."

"It's an effort I put in," I told him. "I can't stand a messy room."

"That means you wouldn't be able to stand my room then," he chuckled.

"Well, the last time I saw it, it was a little disorganised, but it was still rather decent nonetheless," I said to him.

"Yeah," he replied, laughing. "Now it's gotten worse, I've never really paid much attention to my room really. It's just a place I sleep," he added, grabbing my rabbit plush toy and putting it on his lap.

"I hope your room still doesn't smell of sweat, like back in September," I teased him.

He smiled sheepishly, before stretching and leaning flat onto my bed with a soft thud.

"I don't smell that bad, all right?" he said. "There are some people who smell worse than me you know?"

I giggled slightly.

"Of course, I don't mind your smell," I laughed slightly. "But sweaty boys are still sweaty boys," I teased.

The boy looked at me as he lay there, a smile curling up his lips. Then, as if he wanted to make himself feel more comfortable, he turned and lied down on his right side instead.

"Your uniform will get all crumpled if you keep on doing that, you know, Yukino-kun?" I said. "Don't you feel bad for giving Asami-san more work to do?"

"Well," he replied. "She doesn't have to re-iron it, I don't mind."

"You can't go to school looking like that," I told him.

Yukino-kun just stretched his arms as he sat up.

"Your bed is so comfortable," he commented.

I took it that he didn't really bother whether his shirt was going to be all crumpled or not, but I didn't really know either, since he had stopped lying on my bed. Who knew? Yukino-kun had his own way of responding to things.

It was getting slightly stuffy in my bedroom, so I went over to my window and slid it open, letting the fresh air outside enter my room.

"I-I know I might smell a bit, but you don't have to open the window for that, you know?" Yukino-kun muttered, his face reddening.

I couldn't help but giggle.

"What are you so self-conscious about?" I asked, rather amused. "You don't smell at all, so don't worry."

The boy scratched the back of his head and chuckled in embarrassment. Yukino-kun just sat there as I arranged the books on my desk, out of awkwardness.  I asked him if he wanted to resume studying, but he told me he didn't feel like it.

Yukino-kun told me that he didn't feel like going home just yet, since there was going to be no one at home anyway. Out of curiosity, I went up to him and sat beside him on the bed. The boy looked surprised at first, but then it probably got to him that it was my bed, so he can't tell me whether I could sit there or not.

"What do you usually do at home when you're alone?" I asked him.

"Usually I play the guitar, but recently I've never been in the mood to do anything," he replied.

"Why not?" I questioned. "Don't you love guitars?"

"I don't know how to phrase it. . ." he responded. "You know, it's just that dreary feeling every day."

I could get what he meant by the dread, but I couldn't understand why he would have it. Back then, at that point, I had assumed that his misery was as equal as mine, that misery was the feeling you get when your mind blanked out during a test, that misery was a mere discomfort. I had thought back then, "Why would Yukino-kun be so miserable? He never even does his homework, and he always has free time at home, so what's there to be so stressed out about?"

Of course, I was always wrong about that.

"So what do you do then?" I asked, attempting to avert any uncomfortable conversations.

"Well, usually, I'll just go to the corner on the top floor all by myself, and look at the city and the sea. On really clear days you can even see the boats in the harbour," he replied.

"It sure must be quite lonely then," I said. "Having no one to talk to at home."

"Well, I'm used to it," he chuckled. "But when I'm with Ayano-chan, I don't feel lonely at all. Not a single bit."

I glanced at the boy curtly, my cheeks getting warm.

"You don't have to say it like that," I muttered shyly.

"But it's true," he said.

I only nodded my head shyly in embarrassment. Deep in my heart, I felt guilty. I knew I wanted to take law at Hokudai, but that came with a price. At best, Yukino-kun and I would be left in a long-distance relationship. The worst would be that I had to leave him, but I couldn't do that could I? I was at a dilemma. But there was still time to think about this, I reassured myself. The entry examinations were in January, so I still had quite some time before making any decisions. Nothing was set in concrete just yet, so I guess I should be fine just then.

"Do you have anything after school tomorrow?" Yukino-kun suddenly asked me.

"Well. . ." I mumbled. "Why?"

"I was thinking we could go out or something," he said. "It's kind of boring just going between school and your house."

"Actually," I told him. "I won't be able to make it tomorrow."

"Why not?" Yukino-kun asked. "Well, if you don't want to go out, then we could just go to your house again. I-I'm fine with that."

"It's not that, Yukino-kun," I explained, toying with a strand of hair. "I have to stay late in school, I have some festival committee commitments tomorrow."

"Alone?" he asked. "I can stay with you if you want."

"Not exactly. . ." I said awkwardly. "I'll be with Kashiwagi-san, so I won't be alone in the student council room."

Yukino-kun bit his lip.

"So," he said, stretching his arms behind him. "You'll be alone with Kashiwagi-san?"

"Y-yeah," I muttered. "But you don't have to worry, Kashiwagi-san's a nice guy, and there's nothing going on between us."

"Then why can't he just do it himself?" Yukino-kun retorted. "It's not like he needs so much help."

"The festival's next week," I told my boyfriend. "And we still have a lot to do, so I have to help out tomorrow."

"Aren't there any other members in the committee?" Yukino-kun questioned.

"Well, only the both of us can make it tomorrow," I muttered, getting rather uncomfortable where this was headed.

"Then I'll go with you," he asserted.

"Why?" I said. "You can just go home without me."

Yukino-kun sighed and leaned forward.

"I just don't really trust that guy," he muttered.

"Kashiwagi-san's a really nice boy, trust me," I assured him.

"Well, if he was willing to take his girlfriend home on a scooter while being drowsy, who knows what he might do to you. These people have no regard for others," Yukino-kun said, running his hand through his hair.

"That was an accident," I told him. "The death had nothing to do with it, it wasn't his fault!"

That was when I stopped myself. How did Yukino-kun know about the accident which claimed Tanokura-san's life? As far as I know, Kashiwagi-san almost never spoke about his experience outside our small little circle, and I was definitely sure he would never share such information with Yukino-kun.

My boyfriend began to grumble on about how Kashiwagi-san 'killed' his girlfriend, but I wasn't really interested in listening. And I thought Kashiwagi-san was the only one who liked backbiting other people, but I guess in Yukino-kun's case, there wasn't really any ill-intent. It wasn't like he cared about Kashiwagi-san anyway. After what Kashiwagi-san had said about Yukino-kun, to be honest, it was rather refreshing to hear Yukino-kun hitting back at Kashiwagi-san.

"Also, I was wondering," I said. "How did you know that Kashiwagi-san had a girlfriend who passed away in an accident?"

"Everyone knows about it," Yukino-kun said, stretching his neck.

In the corner of my eye I noticed how my boyfriend had averted his gaze from me. Without doubt, I knew he was hiding something. Of course, he might even be lying. Why would Kashiwagi-san go around telling the whole school about how his girlfriend died? He was never good at keeping things from me, but I had never really pried into everything he tucked away either. I tried to twist things a bit to make him spill things out. Lies and presumptions were catastrophic at the losing end, but were the perfect bait when used on the offense. Yukino-kun failed to take that fact in mind, or perhaps, I was the only person I knew who lived by that rule. I suppose normal people won't even bother thinking about the lies they spill, they just blabbered it out, then face the consequences. That was foolish.

"I'm sure about that," I commented, pushing away my fringe. "And for your information, it was an accident, not a pre-planned murder. You should investigate more and confirm your sources before you jump to conclusions."

"Well," Yukino-kun said, getting up from the bed.

The boy shoved his hands in his pockets and paced around the room for a bit before leaning against my desk.

"My source can be trusted," he chuckled with a nervous laugh.

I saw my chance.

"Eh? You have a source?" I asked, bringing my index finger to a rest on my lower lip. "Now that's surprising."

Yukino-kun seemed slightly startled, but his own ego worked against him. Just like what I expected. As his face flushed with embarrassment, he stammered, trying not to be insulted by my blatant sardonicism.

"What?" he bit back defensively. "Just because I don't have any friends, it doesn't mean that I don't have trusted sources of information."

"So you're saying that you trust someone else other than me?" I asked. "The last time I checked, dainty girls who smell like vanilla are not to be trusted."

Yukino-kun looked at me sharply. I kept a stoic face, even though I felt like beaming in achievement after I found that I had managed to hit the snag inside the boyfriend of mine who puts up a tough exterior. The boy kept quiet though, and I returned the silence as well. I didn't really want to make it too obvious that I was indirectly stealing jabs at him, but at the same time I felt like I could use this opportunity to also pull some strings.

Yukino-kun gazed at the distance, but I wasn't really surprised. He had been doing that quite frequently as of late. Even when it was just the two of us together, even as I held his hand as we walked through the empty corridors in the afternoon, It almost felt like he was never there. When Yukino-kun was like this, he would usually keep to himself and never uttered even a single word. The only signs that he was still somewhat present were his mere grunts and curt answers to my queries and remarks.

I didn't really have anything concrete laid out for me, and I won't make myself seem like I was launching an assault, but a little prodding would be quite useful for me. Nonetheless I did have enough evidence from the past few months to come up with a conclusion, yet I still did not want to make any assumptions. The last time I made assumptions, things went horribly awry, so I wanted to play it safe. That's why I had been keeping silent, but I couldn't keep things in the dark anymore. But how was I going to make him spill everything without me having to interrogate him?

It was then when I had an excellent idea. I'm not that much of an actor, but I just mustered all the skill I had in me and mentally took a deep breath.

"So it's true then," I mumbled, fidgeting with my fingers. "You have another girl."

"Wha- A-Ayano-chan!" he stuttered. "T-that's not true! Where did you hear that from?"

I buried my face between my knees, pretending to whimper. It was then when I felt the weight of my boyfriend on the mattress as he hurried to my side. In the background I could hear him muttering something, but I wasn't really sure what was being said. I heard him inch closer, the bedspread rustling underneath him. Sooner or later he will spill it. Sooner or later all my suspicions would be confirmed. Sooner or later I will finally get to the end of this silent, venomous conflict. Yukino-kun wrapped his arms around me, pressing my head against his chest where I hid my face from his view. I could feel his chest moving slightly underneath his shirt. The vestiges of faint cologne still lingered around him, his breath entwined with the soft odour of tobacco. It had been a while since he held me like this, and a guilty, malicious arousal of bliss bloomed in my chest stemming out of my adulterated intentions. Looking back, I felt horrible for manipulating him like that, but back then, I thought that he deserved it from keeping so many things hidden from me.

"Please don't cry," he said softly as he held me. "Please don't cry, Ayano-chan."

I just continued to hide my face in his chest.

"L-look," he muttered. "I can explain everything."

There it was, just like I wanted to. I nearly wanted to scoff, but now I see myself as a horrible person for doing such a thing. I never even needed to utter a word. But back then, who could blame me? I finally had the chance to get the answers I had been yearning for, and I had no regard for the means to achieve it. Now, thinking about that time, I ask myself, what was more important, the meaningless answers to meaningless things or Yukino-kun?

Back then I just thought about those answers. What I were to gain from those answers in the first place? I didn't know back then, and I still don't know. If what I had been suspecting had been true, what could I do? And if it wasn't, then wouldn't that be a waste? But neither of those concerned me then, I just wanted those answers, and I wanted to hear them with my very own ears.

"Tell me," I whispered.

"It's about Kameko-chan, isn't it?" Yukino-kun suddenly said, his soft voice piercing the fabric of silence in the room. "I had a feeling you kind of knew about it."

Yukino-kun paused for a while, as if expecting a reply from me, but seeing that I only kept quiet, he continued on.

"You know, about Kameko-chan. . ." he began. "Believe me, there's nothing going on between us. We're just acquaintances now. True, we used to be more than that, but trust me, we're not like that anymore."

There it was, a concrete affirmation. If I couldn't get it out of the shady Kameko-chan, then I could get it out of my boyfriend. I didn't even have to use any force. So it was what I had been suspecting. The unseen boyfriend which I knew Kameko-chan had in the first year was indeed Yukino-kun. I couldn't help but think that perhaps the times which I tried to be so refined and pretty for Yukino-kun was no sheer coincidence.

I guess that was why Kameko-chan had been distancing herself from me. I had the clairvoyance that those two were involved in some way or another, but with this statement from Yukino-kun, it was all now set in black and white. Kameko-chan was Yukino-kun's ex-girlfriend. Yukino-kun must have guessed that what he just said made me uncomfortable, as after receiving my silence, he went on about other things.

"I've got you now, you know that?" he said. "To be honest, I felt a little glad the other day when you promised you'd stay with me. I knew I didn't have the right to ask, but I'm just really happy when you agreed. Life's been rather. . . B-but you make it bearable you know?"

His tone felt rather possessive, but I just kept silent. After all, I guess it must be natural to cling to anything you find once you've experienced something that takes things away from you. If you go through the pain and suffering of loss, you'd be able to better appreciate the things that you have at present. I guess that was what Yukino-kun must have felt back then. Nevertheless, I still felt rather uncomfortable listening to him talk like that. It just didn't feel very flattering towards either of us.

"I don't want you to talk to her anymore," I said.

Yukino-kun frowned and folded his arms.

"Why not?" he said, raising his voice. "We're just acquaintances."

"I just don't want you to," I replied, facing away.

The exchange about my boyfriend's relationship with Kameko-chan ended there. I could sense that he couldn't agree less by the looks of it, but if he could grow all wary and even get physical when it comes to me and Kashiwagi-san, I don't see why I couldn't voice my discomfort about his somewhat ambiguous relationship with Kameko-chan. I was still rather unclear about how those two were acting with each other, but since Yukino-kun had put his faith in me back when he suspected things going on between me and Kashiwagi-san, I guess I had no other choice but to return the favour. It was the only choice I had to help me feel more or less at ease.

"Well, I'll tell you this," I said. "I don't want you in that room tomorrow afternoon. Go home. Kashiwagi-san and I have a lot to plan and organise, how do you expect us to work if you walk up to him and tackle him to the ground?"

I admit that I probably went too far. Yukino-kun never said a word in reply, and just sat there in silence for a few seconds. The awkward shroud of quiet never seemed to leave the room, and even I was too pressed to speak. I was about to apologise to break the still atmosphere, but the boy stood up.

He didn't need to say a word, I knew he was leaving. I felt bad for lashing out at him knowing that he really did not like fighting with me. Of course, our fights always felt rather one-sided, it was just me doing most of the arguing. The only time where Yukino-kun would raise his voice was when he got defensive, but he had never yelled nor personally attacked me. Perhaps during our arguments, he still thought about me, trying to make sure I wasn't gravely offended, trying to make sure I never got hurt. Of course, regrettably, I never realised that.

I tried to coax him into staying a while longer, mustering some courage in me to approach him. In truth, I was starting to feel a tinge of fear towards my boyfriend. The odour of cigarettes still lingered faintly, and I myself saw in front of my own eyes how he assaulted Kashiwagi-san in front of the library. Also, not to mention how he accidentally pushed me hard onto the ground as I tried to restrain him from getting into a brawl with the badminton captain, that hurt quite a bit. I took his silence as anger, so the most I managed to do was to call out to him and ask him if he would like to stay a little longer.

"Why would a delinquent like me want to?" he said. "I'm useless, since I do nothing other than beat people up."

With that, he walked off without saying a word.

I got off the bed and rushed to walk him to the gate, but he just kept his lips shut and looked ahead, as if he was thinking.  An instant rush of regret filled me, gushing from the depths of my hollow heart. What have I done? My spite had only served to fuel his very own misconceptions about himself, the negative thoughts which I had tried to get rid of. Would he believe me now if I tried to reassure him that he was a good person? Would he believe me still if I told him that he was actually a kind-hearted boy who cares a lot about the people around him? Would he care if I told him that he was not a mere delinquent? Surely I had just reassured him that he was.

After Yukino-kun left, I spent the rest of the evening mulling about in my room. I wish I could take those words back, I wish I hadn't seen the empty gaze of his as he left the house. But there was nothing I could do then could I? All I could do was to hope that tomorrow would be a new day, and that everything would be normal. I wished he would talk to me as he usually did. Yukino-kun's silence was painful to listen to.

I don't know how long I was there lying about on my bed, but I did remember my brother knocking on my door to inform that dinner was ready, but my mind was in a mess, and I didn't really have much of an appetite. Instead, I was just thinking about Yukino-kun. As the sky began to turn crimson, I reached out to my phone in an attempt to drop Yukino-kun an apology, and perhaps even talk to him for a while. But as I held the phone in my head, sinking my head into my pillow, my fingers suddenly froze. The courage and willingness to contact my boyfriend I had earlier had dissipated into thin air. Gulping, I looked through my phone contacts to look for Yukino-kun's number, but in the end I quietly pushed my phone away, knowing that talking to him right now wouldn't help. I could only hope that the next day would come and the both of us magically forgot about whatever had happened today.

Looking back, that was how we resolved most of our conflicts back then, over a few hours of silence, and in the mornings things just returned to normal as if nothing ever happened. Yukino-kun seemed to be comfortable with this style of conflict resolution, so I just kept mum about it even though deep inside I knew things weren't really going to be smooth from then on. Deep inside I was still rather suspicious about the issue, but I willed myself to try to trust him. True, he might have hidden a lot of things from me, but haven't I done the same to him as well? In that sense, we were on rather fair ground. After a shower, even though still rather worried over what had happened with Yukino-kun earlier, I went to sleep.

The following day, Yukino-kun didn't pick me up in front of my gate. I had assumed that he probably was still rather angry at me about yesterday. My mother asked me in the morning if Yukino-kun would be picking up that morning, since I was heading out rather early. I told her that I didn't know, and insisted that I just went ahead to school by myself when she suggested that I call him.

"If that's the case, then why don't you go with your brother instead?" she asked as I opened the door.

I reluctantly agreed. It wasn't like I always went to school with Akio-kun, so I guess this would be a good chance for me to spend some time with him. We were family anyway, we should be spending time together.

Akio-kun seemed surprised when he saw me waiting in the living room. His hair was damp, having just showered. He always left later than I was, since he always woke up later than I did, and I usually left with Yukino-kun rather early. Since Yukino-kun wasn't in front of my house at the usual time, I just thought he might still be ticked off at our quarrel yesterday.

"You're not with your boyfriend today?" my brother asked, as he picked up his bag.

I just shook my head, hoping that he wouldn't persist with more questions. He unfortunately did, and I drearily gave him the answers he wanted.

We left for the tram station together, and entered the packed carriage. The two of us stood side by side amidst the crowd, grabbing onto the handrails as the tram made its way down south.

"Why haven't you been attending track lately?" Akio-kun suddenly asked. "Yamamoto-chan had been asking me where you were."

It seemed like I hadn't satisfied this younger brother of mine's craving for answers. I wondered what got into him that day, usually he wasn't this irritating. I just decided to be frank, just to avoid any complications.

"Well, my boyfriend said he didn't feel like going, so I don't go to track as well," I replied.

"So you only joined the track and field club just because of your boyfriend?" he asked , a cheeky grin on his face.

I sighed. To be honest I didn't really feel like talking at that moment. The radio silence from Yukino-kun had been killing me. I hadn't heard anything from him ever since yesterday. He didn't call me nor send me any messages. I, on the other hand, was too terrified to initiate anything, fearing that I might trod on sensitive ground.

"It's really complicated," I answered him. "And honestly, I don't really feel like talking right now."

That made my brother shut up and he left me alone for the rest of the journey. Occasionally, I checked my phone, hoping that Yukino-kun might have sent me a message, but to no avail. I guess my words may have gone a little too far yesterday. I tried to make myself feel apologetic, but there wasn't a point to that, since words can never be taken back once they escaped the slippery grasp of the lips. We reached school without any further questions thrown at me.

Akio-kun and I parted ways after the shoe lockers. Homeroom was as per normal, and I bumped into Kashiwagi-san as I was walking down the corridor while making my way to my classroom.

"You're not with Nakayama-san today?" he asked.

"Ah," I replied, giggling awkwardly. "I guess we kind of had an argument yesterday, and I think he might still be quite unhappy with me."

"Well, these kind of things are inevitable I guess," he said. "Anyway, you're free this afternoon right? Just checking with you."

"Sure," I replied. "I'll help you out don't worry about it."

The boy chuckled and let out a sigh of relief.

"At least I won't have to sort out all that work alone," he said, smiling.

The two of us reached our class and took our seats. Yukino-kun's seat was empty, and I thought that he might have been playing truant again. Everyone assumed he was playing truant, since he just never showed up in school without any explanation.

Homeroom was as usual, and I found my attention drifting to Kameko-chan who was seated a few rows away from me. The girl was neat and pretty just like she was every day, her silky hair glimmering in the sunlight streaming through the windows. She had her bag on her lap, the pink bunny plush toy hanging from the zip. I guess she was the one who had told Yukino-kun about Kashiwagi-san's past. She was the only one that could do it. Besides, who else talked to Yukino-kun except for her? But even when Yukino-kun had assured me that there was nothing going on between the two of them, I wonder why Kameko-chan had to be so secretive about it. Why did she have to sneak to my boyfriend's locker and place those chocolates? Why did she only give him the present she got for him when I was not in class? Many questions filled my head.

It was that moment when the girl suddenly turned around to pick up something the student behind her had dropped and saw me observing her. As she placed the pencil she helped pick up on the table behind her, smiling when the girl thanked her, I noticed her gaze shifting to me. My heart nearly skipped a beat when all of a sudden Kameko-chan smiled and nodded at me. Awkwardly, I nodded back.

I wondered why Kameko-chan had to be so secretive with me. The same went with Yukino-kun. But the key difference was that in Yukino-kun's case, I could get him to spill whatever he was hiding in one way or another, but for Kameko-chan, I guess that sort of tactics were futile. I soon came to learn that Kameko-chan was just easily adept at manipulating other people, albeit it was a lesson learnt too late.

Looking back, sometimes I would ask myself quite a number of things. In particular, I wondered if our friendship meant even the slightest thing to her. I wasn't too sure of the answer myself, at times she really seemed like she really cared about me, while at other times she seemed to be deceptive and cautious. I could never really know back then what was going on in her head, and I will never know now.

How I wish she could have just been straightforward with me from the start. Instead, she merely danced around in the shadows stealing opportunities whenever she could. Of course, I could only know this after everything had unravelled itself to me later on. But back then, as a third-year, I was just kept in the dark about Ka-chan. I just wished she and I can sit down at a table over tea and discuss everything, heart-to-heart, just like how best friends were supposed to be.

An idea suddenly popped into my head. There indeed was a person who could tell me more about Kameko-chan. That person was of course no other than Kashiwagi-san. Nevertheless bringing in Kashiwagi-san into the picture raised even more question marks. For a fact, I have seen them together quite a few times, but I was never really sure about their relationship. For a start, I thought that they were dating at first but after witnessing the emotional exchange between the two of them back during the festival, I feared that my hypothesis had been debunked. I was sure Kashiwagi-san would know a thing or two about Kameko-chan, and after being forced to go through rejection, I was sure he wouldn't mind sharing some of the information with me. It wasn't like I had any use for all those information anyway, it was just to satiate my thirst for the answers to all these bizarre circumstances.

I watched Kashiwagi-san as he looked through his bag for something. I wondered why he always seemed to be doing that though, with a bag as neat as his. In contrast, Yukino-kun, whose bag was like a rat's nest, never seemed to spend so much time looking through it. Then again, Yukino-kun always seemed to be either sleeping or daydreaming in class so I guess taking out his work from his bag wasn't really a necessity.

As the teacher in front went about with homeroom, she was interrupted when the front door slid open. Everyone turned their heads to see who was at the door. Yukino-kun walked in, his hands in his pockets, merely responding by nodding when the teacher asked him why he was late. Seeing that she couldn't get the boy to cooperate and having being accustomed to my boyfriend's behaviour, he was told to just return to his seat. Yukino-kun walked between the tables, hands still in his pockets as everyone began to lose interest in him and paid attention to the teacher instead.

Yukino-kun walked past me, acknowledging me with a curt nod like he usually did, before taking his seat. As expected, he didn't even bother to keep in line with what was going on in class. He merely placed his bag on the table, and lied down on it. Yowane-sensei in front seemed to notice, but she just kept quiet and went on with homeroom, mostly on the school festival preparations.

Some part of me just wanted to talk to Yukino-kun, but at that point he was sleeping so it wouldn't have meant anything anyway. Well, I was just concerned whether he was still sour over yesterday's quarrel, but I kind of knew that he was probably worrying about something else. He always seemed so trouble as of late, but for the most part, I never tried to butt my head into his business. It was a private family affair after all, and Yukino-kun did tell me off once back at his eighteenth birthday. Ever since that, I grew cautious whenever I neared that topic. I didn't want to risk offending him again.

His shaggy black hair was like how it was every day, nearly covering his eyes. At one point, he turned his head as he rested there, revealing his face. I couldn't help but notice how peaceful he looked when he slept. His eyes closed, the sunlight reflecting on his slightly curly hair, noticing this, I smiled to myself. It was a long time since I've seen Yukino-kun look like that. Deep in my heart I felt rather sorry for him. I guess it was only in his dreams where he could find peace, the world had just been too cruel to him. This world just isn't fair is it? Why couldn't Yukino-kun grow up in a functional family? Why couldn't he have a happy childhood and adolescence? These questions played in my mind as I observed the sleeping boy's face.

It was that moment when Yukino-kun opened his eyes and our gazes directly met. Something in my chest felt like giving him a smile, so I did. I could only notice his eyebrows moved but I couldn't tell whether he was smiling mischievously or scowling at me. I took that it was the former, but still I turned to faced front and continued with my own business.

During lunch, I went up to his seat to eat. The boy surprisingly, was still resting his head on the table. Usually he would wake up for lunch, but today he didn't seem to have any appetite to eat.

"Did you bring your food today, Yukino-kun?" I asked, trying to break the ice.

"No," he answered curtly as he moved his head away from the table, sitting up. "There wasn't any time to pack anything."

"Why's that?" I questioned, placing my box in front of me.

"My sister's busy," he said.

"Oh, is it because her exams are coming up? I'm not too sure when the exams are for those in university though. That's still not taking account of which course and faculty she's in," I said, grabbing the opportunity for a conversation.

"No," Yukino-kun replied, shaking his head. "My grandfather's in hospital, dying."

I lowered my chopsticks from my lips slowly. I looked at the boy in front of me. No wonder he looked so haggard, he must have been kept awake with the news.

"Your paternal grandfather?" I asked.

"The one on my mother's side," he said, folding his arms and leaning back into his chair.

He tried to put up a nonchalant face, but I could clearly see through that farce. He was affected by the news, I could be sure. Surely his grandfather meant quite a lot to him. There were a lot of questions that were begging to escape my lips, but I forced them back. Now was not the time.

"I don't know whether I should go visit him or not," he said.

"Why not?" I asked, exclaiming a little too loudly.

Yukino-kun seemed a bit taken aback, before running a hand through his hair.

"The thing is," he said. "I'm not sure if my father will be there."

"So what?" I asked. "Your grandfather is dying."

I realised I might have overreacted when I noticed a few heads turning to our direction. Yukino-kun sighed and shook his head.

"I don't want to meet my father," he muttered.

"But this is your grandfather we're talking about!" I exclaimed, standing up. "This has nothing to do with your father!" I continued, looking down at him as he sat there looking at me.

It was then when the murmuring in the class ceased. I could feel the gazes and stares of all my classmates on the two of us in the corner. My cheeks flushed red, and my heart thumped in my chest. Perhaps I had gotten too emotional and spoke a little too loudly. Yukino-kun then calmly stood up. Now the both of us standing, I felt tiny.

"Let's talk in somewhere more private," he said, before beckoning me to follow him.

I followed Yukino-kun as he walked across the back of the classroom to the back door. We were still in the spotlight after what happened earlier, and everyone's gazes were still fixated on us. I glanced through the crowd of faces turned in our direction, some of them curious, some of them disapproving. I spotted Kameko-chan as she sat there alone at her own table, it seemed like that day was one of the days where she decided to just eat lunch all by herself. But what made her stand out even more was that she just faced the front and went on with her meal, seemingly disinterested in what was happening. Perhaps she kind of knew about Yukino-kun's problems, which wasn't that surprising, since I knew those two kept in contact anyway. Either that, or she just genuinely didn't care at all. It was Kameko-chan, I could never tell.

I followed Yukino-kun as he led me through the corridor and into the stairwell at the end where there where no one could hear us.

"Tell me," I said. "Why don't you want to go visit your grandfather? What would he feel if you didn't go to see him?"

"Well, my sister and mother are going so. . ." he replied rather hesitantly.

I sighed and shook my head.

"Just tell me," I said, crossing my arms. "Which hospital is your grandfather at? I'll go there with you after school. You don't have to talk to your father if you don't want to, I just want you to go see your grandfather."

"The hospital's in Sapporo," Yukino-kun chuckled. "We'll only reach there at night if we did that."

"Then what time did your family leave for Sapporo?" I asked.

Yukino-kun looked down at his watch, as he leaned onto the railing of the stairs.

"They're still here though," he replied. "Their train leaves at two."

His answer surprised me a little. From the impression he gave me when he talked about how Asami-san was too busy to make him breakfast, I had assumed that the family might have left in the morning, but apparently it wasn't the case.

I had no idea what to do, since Sapporo was so far away for me to follow him along, so I decided to return to the classroom.

Out of habit, I checked the time from my hand phone. It was just before half past one.

An idea popped into my head. I quickly turned to Yukino-kun.

"Yukino-kun," I asked him. "Do they still sell tickets close to the departure time?"

"Yeah, they do," he replied, rather unaware to where I was getting at. "Why?"

I smiled.

"Then we still have time!" I whispered, lowering my voice just in case anyone might overhear us. "I'll send you off at the station. Does that sound like a good idea?"

Yukino-kun frowned and looked down at me.

"Well," he replied, chuckling. "I didn't expect a star student like you to encourage me to play truant."

"This isn't playing truant, Yukino-kun," I told him. "This is a family emergency. I'm sure the school will allow us to leave if we report the issue to the administration staff."

"That'll take forever," he said. "And the next train to Sapporo is at five. You know what, why don't we just take the five o' clock train?"

"Hospitals have visiting hours don't they?" I asked. "If we don't go now, you'll miss your chance to se him today! We don't know how much time he has left, and with things like this, we shouldn't take any risks. Let's just get out of school," I asserted.

"Well," Yukino-kun replied. "Even if you wanted to get of school without official permission, it isn't that simple you know? The school gate is locked."

"There's the emergency exits right?" I questioned. "We could go through those."

"They have cameras over there and an alarm would sound if you opened them," he replied, cocking his head. "You wouldn't want that would you?"

Yukino-kun was right. Even if we wanted to leave, all the gates would be locked, and it would take too much time if we were to seek official permission.

Suddenly a smirk crept up Yukino-kun's lips.

"Well," he said. "Can you climb over a wall? I know a place."

I nearly laughed. Me? Climbing a wall? That was going to be a hilarious sight. How is somebody my size going to make it over a wall? That was just ridiculous to just think about, what more to go through with.

"You're not suggesting we climb over the wall are you?" I asked him.

He just smiled at me.

"It'd be fun seeing you try to climb a wall taller than you," he smirked.

I punched his shoulder playfully, to which he laughed.

"But you're right though," I said. "What choice do we have?"

With that, the both of us, headed back to class to grab our bags. We only had ten minutes before lunchtime was over and the next lesson began, so I told Yukino-kun that we'd better hurry before the teachers start making their way to the classes.

When we entered our classroom through the back door, I was rather relieved to find it empty. After all, that day the lesson right after lunch was a lab lesson for biology, so I presumed everyone must have left for the laboratory early. As per usual, it was protocol to leave for the science laboratories ten minutes before the start of the lesson. It was to make sure we were able to start on tie, and also help set up some of the apparatus if needed. There would be no witnesses to our grand exit.

Picking up our bags, I followed Yukino-kun down the corridor, heading away from the laboratories. We just walked briskly to avoid suspicion, careful not to attract any attention. We made our way out of the classroom block, down to the first floor, and to the shoe lockers where we collected our outdoor shoes. We passed a few students and teachers whom we didn't recognise, but it wasn't really a thing to worry about: we could pretend to be heading over to the gym or stadium if anyone was curious enough to ask. As we passed the bathrooms on the ground floor, Yukino-kun told me to wait for a while. I helped him hold his shoes that he had taken from the shoe locker. I usually prefer not to handle shoes, especially those belonging to other people, but it was Yukino-kun, so I didn't mind. It was not like I really had much of a choice.

"I haven't drunk anything at all since morning," he groaned, before bending over at the water fountain.

It was then when I heard footsteps approaching from down the corridor. I turned away from Yukino-kun to see who it was and was shocked when I saw Kashiwagi-san heading towards us. My first instinct was to grab Yukino-kun and hide inside the bathroom but it was too late for any reaction. He had already seen us.

"Furukawa-san," he said as he approached. "Why are you here? The Biology laboratory is on the second level. And why are you bringing your shoes with you?"

Before I could reply, he caught sight of Yukino-kun, who had stood up and wiped the water off his lips with the cuff his sleeve. I passed the pair of shoes, which I had been holding by the edge, back to my boyfriend.

"Don't tell me you're off playing hooky with him," Kashiwagi-san said, folding his arms.

Yukino-kun's mood seemed to sour at the presence of the other boy, but I had to keep things civil and help prevent an understanding.

"Look, it's an emergency, and it'll be too late if we went to the office and go through the procedure," I explained to him. "Yukino-kun's grandfather is in a critical state and we need to catch the 2 o' clock train to Sapporo. This could be his last chance to , so I really, really hope if you could help cover for the both of us," I pleaded.

"We'll inform the school officially on Monday and we'll get all this sorted out, I promise," I added, just in case what I had said earlier on wasn't convincing enough.

The Eurasian boy looked at me, before looking at my boyfriend.

"Ah," he muttered. "I'm really sorry to hear that, Nakayama-san."

Yukino-kun cocked his head and turned the other way.

"I don't need your pity," he replied gruffly.

Kashiwagi-san and I both ignored my boyfriend's showcase of hostility and continued to talk.

"I'll try to make it back by the time school ends so I can help you out," I said. "I just want to make sure that he'll actually leave for Sapporo with his family."

"Sure," he said. "I'll just tell sensei that the both of you went to the medical centre, if that covers it."

"Thank you," I replied. "I'm sure she'll buy it."

We parted ways, and Yukino-kun and I began walking again, but Kashiwagi-san interrupted us.

"I'm just curious though," he said out of the blue. "How are you going to get out of the school? The main gate is locked."

"Well," I giggled shyly. "We're going to climb over the wall."

"Sounds like you need someone to help keep watch while you two have a go at it," he said. "Mind if I come along?"

I was about to reply, but knowing better, I turned to look at Yukino-kun, who was standing there with his arms crossed, bag dangling from his shoulder. I didn't want to make the decisions here, out of fear that I might as well just make Yukino-kun angry and perhaps decided to ditch this entire escape plan altogether. Yukino-kun seemed to get the hint, and he glared at Kashiwagi-san, before running a hand through his hair.

"Just don't get in the way," he said curtly before turning around and leading the both of us down the corridor.

The three of us kept silent throughout the journey to wherever Yukino-kun was taking us. The atmosphere was tense, and I felt that it was too awkward to talk for fear of worsening the situation, so I opted to keep my lips sealed. The last time I was with the both of them together, things didn't really end up to well. Kashiwagi-san got a bruised rib and my boyfriend ended up with a bloody nose. It was horrible when boys fight, they can get really savage.

Yukino-kun led us out of the building and towards the stadium. He led us straight past the seats and stadium steps, bringing us behind the storage room to the small quiet nook where I had stumbled into Yukino-kun changing on the first day of track. The meeting that started this all. Well, technically it was our second meeting, but it was the most significant one unarguably.

"Over there," my boyfriend said, pointing to the wall behind the wisteria tree. "We'll climb out there."

My boyfriend quickly sat down on the picnic bench nearby and threw off his indoor shoes before exchanging them for the shoes that he had brought along from the locker. He noticed my hesitance as I stared at the wall which he expected me to climb over. Sure, it wasn't that high, Yukino-kun would be about roughly a head above it, but being the short girl that I was, the edge of the wall was a few centimetres above my head. How could I possibly bring myself over that barrier? It wasn't like I had any power in my arms.

"Hurry up," Yukino-kun said to me. "Put on your shoes."

I obeyed and quickly sat beside him and took off my old set of shoes and slipped my feet into the other pair. I noticed that we might end up leaving the indoor pair of shoes there and it might arouse suspicions if anyone found them there, so as an additional favour, I requested Kashiwagi-san to help place both of our shoes back into the lockers where they belonged. He agreed.

"You ready?" Yukino-kun asked me as I finished up on my shoelaces.

"W-wait," I said, getting up from the bench and running up to his side as the boy approached the wall under the shade of the wisteria tree. "H-how am I going to climb over this thing?"

"Just watch me," he smirked.

Yukino-kun took off his bag from his shoulder and chucked it over the edge to the other side. A loud thump greeted us a few seconds later. My boyfriend then pushed himself over the wall effortlessly, before sitting down on the top of the wall. A moment later, he slid off and landed on the other side. It was easy for him I guess, considering that he was taller than the wall and could see me as he stood on the other side. I still remembered how cool he looked as he climbed over the wall, the slight breeze blowing his hair.

"Come on," he said to me from the other side.

I tried to put out my palms flat up on the top of the wall, just like how Yukino-kun did earlier, and tried to push myself, but no matter how hard I pushed, I could never seem to get my feet more than a few centimetres off the ground.

"Grab my hand," Yukino-kun told me as he held out both his hands over the wall.

I did as I was told, and felt Yukino-kun's strength as he tried to get me across the wall. But pull as he might, it didn't seem like I could get past the wall still.

"Could you push yourself up?" the boy complained, the irritation apparent in his voice. "You're really heavy you know?"

I tried to kick myself up, but to no avail, since the only thing I could kick was the still air. I could sense Yukino-kun's impatience at my lack of progress, I guess he had taken over the reins of this entire fiasco even though it was my idea to begin with. I was thinking of just giving up and staying behind in school, but I was afraid Yukino-kun might end up going to other places instead of the station if I hadn't been there to keep an eye on him.

Just as I thought it was fruitless and Yukino-kun should just go ahead by himself, I felt something wrap around my waist. I turned around and found Kashiwagi-san behind me.

"I-I'll help push you up okay?" he muttered nervously.

"Th-thank you," I muttered in response.

My heart thumped in my chest and my cheeks flushed as I felt Kashiwagi-san lift me up with all his strength. That was the first time he touched me, back when he tried to get me across the wall with Yukino-kun.

Fortunately or unfortunately, he pushed me a bit too hard, and as Yukino-kun pulled me from the other side, I ended up falling on to Yukino-kun and I ended up falling on him, pushing him back onto the ground.

The two of us lay there in the grass for a while, me lying on top of him. My head was directly on top of his chest, and I could feel his heartbeat and hear his soft breathing. Embarrassed, I instantly tried to get up.

"Are you okay?" I asked him. "I'm really sorry about that!"

Before I could fully get off him, Yukino-kun reached out with his arms and pulled me close to his chest yet again. I was shocked, but for a moment my voice had all but disappeared.

"Wh-what are you doing Yukino-kun?" I asked nervously. "W-we have to go now!"

"Your shampoo smells really nice," he said as his arms held me firmly.

"Yukino-kun!" I exclaimed. "This isn't the time."

"It's been a while since I last got to hug you like this," he whispered. "Just a little while more."

I fell silent and took in everything around me. The autumn breeze, the scattered sunlight scattering through the coloured leaves of the wisteria tree above us, the soft movements of his chest as it moved up and down. I myself realised in that moment as we lay there that I, too, longed for him to hold me. It had been quite a while since he held me like that, and for a moment I forgot what was originally on my mind.

"Are you guys okay?" Kashiwagi-san asked from the other side.

Flustered, I quickly got off my boyfriend's chest.

"Yeah, we're fine," I replied. "Thanks for the help!"

"You forgot your bag," Kashiwagi-san replied. "I'm throwing it over, you'd better catch it okay?"

I prepared myself to catch my bag in my arms, but as soon as I saw the bag appearing from above the wall, it was at a height way out of my reach. I was hoping that it landed on the ground, and praying that it didn't land too hard lest anything in my bag breaks. But none of that happened.

Instead, the bag flew straight towards Yukino-kun, who was still on the ground, and landed straight on his crotch.

I guessed it must have hurt, judging from Yukino-kun's reaction. A slight moan escaped his lips, before he rolled over to his right, grabbing his groin in agony.

I quickly ran over to him and picked up my bag from his nether regions. I hope it didn't hurt.

"A-are you okay, Yukino-kun?" I asked, worried.

The boy nodded, extending his arm out as he sat up. I helped pull him up.

He dusted himself as he stood up, laughing awkwardly.

"I'm fine, don't worry," he chuckled. "Well, this isn't the first time. The other time was much, much worse."

I immediately blushed, recalling the events of the port festival last year. I still remembered how I kicked Yukino-kun in the same area when I tried to get both him and my brother from fighting over me. I was still very sorry for that incident.

"Is everything all right there, Furukawa-san?" Kashiwagi-san asked, peering above the wall at us.

"Y-yeah," I replied quickly, afraid that Yukino-kun might end up saying something stupid and wasting our time. "Thanks for the help! We'll be going off now."

"H-have a safe trip!" the boy wished us from behind the wall.

Before I could open my mouth, Yukino0kun had already replied.

"Thanks," Yukino-kun said. "You have fun being stuck in school!" he added with a laugh.

"R-right," came Kashiwagi-san's awkward reply.

I guess he just wasn't used to Yukino-kun not talking to him in a hostile manner. But at least it was a nice change of atmosphere. Who knows? Maybe those two can even be friends. They were both really nice people, and it had been quite taxing on me to pick a side whenever they fought. I guess Kashiwagi-san was the one who initiated this, when he asked me to wish Yukino-kun happy birthday on his behalf. Perhaps that was what softened Yukino-kun's attitude towards him as well. I guess small gestures can go a long way.

Yukino-kun seemed to be in a good mood as we hurriedly made our way to the tram station. We ran down the street hand in hand, mostly Yukino-kun pulling me along, but he didn't seem impatient or anything. In fact, he was mostly laughing and joking about how heavy I was playfully. I just laughed back and in response jested that I'm not afraid to kick him in the groin again if he went too far with the teasing.

"Oh no," he chuckled. "If that happens I won't be able to have children with you anymore." 

"Ehh," I responded as we both ran. "Is that all you think about? Pervert."

Yukino-kun laughed.

"I bet you'd like it if you let me," he said jokingly.

"I told you I'm not really interested in these kind of things," I replied. "Besides, after all that damage it took I wonder if you're still functional down there."

"Oh, we'll see," he answered, a cheeky grin on his face.

The two of us managed to catch an arriving tram when we reached the station, and we clambered aboard. I was panting for breath, but Yukino-kun on the other hand, seemed perfectly fine. There was only one seat on the northbound tram, and Yukino-kun let me have it.

"There's a seat for you over there, o-baa-san," he said, pointing to the empty seat with a jab of his thumb.

I was out of breath, so I just smacked his chest in jest and sat down on the seat he had kindly offered me, while he stood.

"Does your mother know about this arrangement?" I asked him.

Yukino-kun shook his head.

"Well, we'll surprise them," he chuckled. "My mother loves surprises. Pleasant ones, of course."

"Then I guess she will be glad then," I replied.

The tram pulled over to Hakodate Station soon enough, and the both of us alighted. We had roughly about ten minutes, so the both of us hurried over to the ticketing counter for Yukino-kun to buy his ticket. I was getting slightly worried that I might return to school to early, if the Sapporo-bound train left at two o' clock sharp. I silently did my calculations while Yukino-kun was at the counter. It took about ten minutes from school to the station, adding another five to ten minutes here sending Yukino-kun off, plus the return trip to school, will cost me half an hour at the most. If I reached school before school officially ended, the gates would be locked, and even if it wasn't, I'd surely look suspicious and be questioned if any teacher caught me.

As I was busy worrying about what lies and excuses I could come up with once I returned to school, Yukino-kun walked up to me, holding something in his arm.

"Here," he said, extending his arm to me.

Wedged between his finger and thumb was a card: a train pass for sure.

"A-are you sure about this Yukino-kun?" I stuttered, rather surprised that he was now going to bring me along for his trip to Sapporo. "What about school? What will I tell my parents?"

"I'll get my mother to talk to your parents," he said. "Just pass her the number and she'll help you explain."

"Ah," I replied nervously. "Y-you don't have to. It's a family affair and I don't want to poke my nose in, but thanks for the ticket though. How much did it cost, I'll reimburse you."

"No," he said, still holding the card out to me. "I want you to meet my grandfather."

I was surprised by what I just heard. Not only was it kind of sudden for me to go along with him, but I felt bad for causing trouble for his mother as well. She already had so much on her plate, and me coming along was just going to add to that. I felt a bit bad that Yukino-kun was pushing my responsibility to his mother.

Reluctantly, I followed him through the fare gates and onto the departing platform, where the Sapporo-bound train was already there, waiting for the departure time. As I looked around the platform, I caught sight of Asami-san and Ms Nakayama, the former helping her mother pull a trolley luggage. From the looks of it, I suppose the trip wasn't just going to last for a few hours.

The two were surprised to see Yukino-kun approach, but I guess I ended up being the bigger surprise there.

I awkwardly greeted them as we both met up. The attention of both women seemed to focus more on me than Yukino-kun himself.

"Furukawa-chan,"  Asami-san addressed me. "What are you doing here?"

Before I could say anything, Yukino-kun had cut in.

"I'm bringing her to see ojii-san," the boy said. "I want him to meet her."

Ms Nakayama looked at me. She was dressed neatly in a long dress, with a lace jacket shrouded over her shoulders. Her shoulder-length hair gleamed in the shower of glaring lights covering the platform. I guess she had taken leave off work, of course, it was a family emergency after all. It was the first time I saw her dressed in casual clothes instead of her work clothes. She looked like a typical mother.

"Do your parents know about this?" she asked me.

"No," I responded shyly. "But I'm sure they would understand."

"That's not right," she said, before turning to look at her son. "Yukino, how could you just drag her along like this? You'll make her parents worry!"

"But I really want her to meet ojii-san," he replied, his tone pleading. "Could you please help me explain to her parents?"

The older woman turned to look at me.

"Well, do you want to come along with us?" Ms Nakayama said to me. "We haven't heard from you about this."

"I-I'm fine with it," I replied nervously. "Yukino-kun's grandfather sounds like a very important person to him, and I'm sure he would have his reasons to let me meet him."

"We'll be spending the entire weekend there, you know," she told me.

"I-I'll return tomorrow then," I said. "I'm sure my parents won't mind me going away for just one night."

Ms Nakayama nodded her head.

"Well, you come with us then," she said, before folding her arms and looking at her son. "You explain this to her parents. I'll only explain it to them after you at least try to talk to them and tell them the situation. This was your doing after all, Yukino. Only if things go wrong then I'll take over, all right?"

Yukino-kun merely nodded his head. It was a bit weird seeing Yukino-kun getting lectured by his mother like that. Well, she was a lawyer after all.

"Well, we better get going," Asami-san reminded us. "The train's leaving soon."

The four of us prepared to board the train, when Yukino-kun suddenly offered to carry the luggage up. Asami-san and Nakayama-san looked at each other, before the former shrugged her shoulders and passed the bag to her half-brother. As Yukino-kun lifted up the luggage with both his arms, Asami-san scurried over to my side.

"He's just offering to help like that because you're here," she whispered, trailing off in giggles.

"I'm sure you could tell he isn't really helpful around the house when you saw his room, right?" Ms Nakayama added.

I could only giggle in response. It was always nice to discover new things about my boyfriend every day. It felt really sweet and special. Now that he wants me to visit his grandfather, I truly felt like I had a special place reserved for me in his heart.

"What took you three so long?" he asked as he stored the luggage above the seats.

"Oh it's nothing," Asami-san replied. "Just some private girl talk."

Yukino-kun seemed satisfied enough with the answer he got, and questioned us no further. Asami-san sat with Ms Nakayama, while I sat with Yukino-kun.

"Y-you want to sit inside right?" he asked me, as he stood in the aisle right beside the two-seater in question.

I nodded my head and quickly went in to take my seat. Yukino-kun sat down shortly after. Just then, an announcement went out in the train, signalling the train's departure. Sitting in the train with Yukino-kun brought back some really nice memories back to the time when I was late for my flight to Osaka during the field trip in our second year.

"Don't worry," Asami-san said from her seat directly behind me. "If he tries to do anything funny, he'll get it from the both of us."

I giggled shyly. Well, I didn't need to worry about that, I trusted Yukino-kun wholeheartedly after all.

As the train left the station and gained speed, leaving Hakodate behind, I reclined in my seat. For a moment, worrying about school, about my parents, about the awkwardness I might encounter in Sapporo, they all vanished. What was important was that I was with Yukino-kun. After all, with January drawing near and the university entrance exams coming up, I suppose it might be the last few times that Yukino-kun and I could spend some time together outside school before I got busy with my preparations.

Outside the window, the buildings and roads of Hakodate soon gave way to villages, forest and fields. Above all these pristine countryside sights was the bright blue sky, a painted canvas dotted with streaks of cirrus and cumulus. I spent quite some time contemplating the sight that unfolded itself in front of me. Somehow, I felt like the sky seemed more beautiful in the countryside. It wasn't because I actively compared the sight of the sky wherever I went, the thought of that never even crossed my mind. It was just this feeling deep within me that told me that the sky was prettier back then. Either that or it could be the novelty of taking my first train ride to Sapporo.

"Wh-what's your home number, Ayano-chan?" Yukino-kun asked me as I rested my head on his shoulder. "I should call your parents and tell them that we're going to borrow you for a day or so lest they think you're missing."

I took his phone from him and punched in the numbers of my household's landline. I returned the phone to him and shut my eyes. Yukino-kun placed the phone on his left ear, right beside the shoulder I was resting on. I didn't know why he did that, perhaps he wanted me to listen in with him as well, but I would never know.

I fell asleep to the sound of Yukino-kun's phone ringing as he held my hand. I could tell that he was rather nervous about the ensuing conversation, but to me who was slipping through the cracks of consciousness, my parent's reaction was merely kept at the back of my mind. The warm touch of hand, the gentle support of his shoulder, his nervous voice as he introduced himself to my mother on the other side of the line, those were the only things I cared about at that moment.

As I slowly let myself be cradled away to the land of reveries, I silently hoped that moments like that could last forever.