Origami Girl

Chapter 17: Wisteria Ambivalence

"If like the leaf of the wisteria through which the sun darts his rays transparently you give your heart to me, I will no longer distrust you"

― Murasaki Shikibu, The Tale of Genji

"Did I really have to come?" Yukino-kun moaned, running his fingers through his hair as he walked beside me.

"Of course!" I told him, rather tired of listening to him whine. "Everyone else is going. What am I going to say if they ask me why'd I didn't bring you along?"

"Why do you care if they asked you that?" the boy said, raising his voice.

I stopped in my tracks and glared at him. Yukino-kun stared at me back, but the short moment where he jerked back slightly was enough to tell me that he was in fact rather taken aback.

"Can you please behave, Yukino-kun?" I said, getting rather irritated. "We are in public, and you're going to be eighteen soon."

He just kept quiet, shoving his hands in his pockets. The autumn breeze blew in from the sea, bringing in the pale scent of the afternoon. Wiping the sweat off my brow with one palm, I took out my phone from my half-open schoolbag with the other. It was a quarter past four, and we were half an hour late. Kashiwagi-san told me the week before that the match would begin at three forty-five, but look where we were, still trying to find our way to the venue. It was kind of my fault, I spent too much time in the bathroom at school trying to re-do my makeup.

I walked briskly, hoping that we'd able to get there before the second game ended. It was the semi-finals, so it was quite an important game for Kashiwagi-san. I wonder how he was faring in his match.

I stole a glance at Yukino-kun beside me. With the sleeves of his blazer and shirt folded up to his elbows and his tie nearly coming undone, he looked rather unruly. I caught sight of him pursing his lips as we walked. We didn't say a thing to each other, but I was pretty sure from his expression he was rather ticked off. I had no idea whether it was a show to appear more intimidating, or whether he was truly dissed off. If he was the former, I could understand why, actually.

Originally, I planned to go to the venue with Sayaka-chan, but having taken so long with my makeup, Sayaka-chan had left without me. I was sure I would be late, and my heart dreaded the awkward feeling of being a latecomer and going to the spectator's stand alone, while everybody else stared at me. It was such an embarrassment to be caught in such a situation, so I turned to Yukino-kun.

Yukino-kun had been waiting for me by the school gate, thinking that we were to go home together, as per usual. He didn't know about the match. Even if he did, he probably assumed I wasn't going. He was leaning against the stone fence, when he caught sight of me.

"So, do you want to take the tram or the bus?" he said. "I sent my bicycle for repairs."

"I was thinking of going out," I told him. "It would be nice if you could follow me."

On the tram, he asked me where I was going, but I didn't really give him any definite answers. It was mostly along the lines of me not really sure where to go.

"I was tinkering around with the ceiling fan the other day," he suddenly said as we sat there. "You know the one in my room?"

"Yeah?" I replied, trying to sound interested.

"My mother was thinking of replacing the fan entirely, since it was getting kind of old," he said. "But the iron stem was drilled into the ceiling, and it was really strong, so we just had to make do with replacing the motor."

"I see," I muttered, looking at my reflection in my phone screen.

"So we'll just have to stick with that fan," he said.

I didn't reply, so he didn't continue the conversation any further. There was really nothing much interesting to say that afternoon. My heart was too busy worrying about getting late to the game.

Once we reached the station we got off, and walked down the street. The afternoon sky was a vast canvas of blue, dotted with streaks of low cumulus. The autumn sun shone faintly, its rays shining directly at us.

"The weather's really nice today," Yukino-kun said. "Do you want to go to the port? It would be nice if we could walk around."

"Th-the port isn't really what I had in mind," I managed to mutter out.

The boy took a deep breath and exhaled. He walked there beside me, slightly relaxed, his hands in his pockets. I guess it was a habit of his, he did it when he was happy, he did it when he was mad. Yukino-kun was just the kind of boy who liked to shove his hands in his pockets. I wonder why he did that sometimes, but back then when I was rushing to get to Kashiwagi-san's game, I really couldn't care less.

"It's been a year already since we've been together," he said, a smile curling up his lips. "Do you remember the time when I confessed to you?"

"Yes, of course," I replied. "I was on the way to the station when you caught up with me on your bicycle. You really didn't seem like you could wait any longer."

"Of course," he said, chuckling. "Why should I have waited? I saw my chance and I went for the prize."

What he said kind of hit at a rather sensitive spot, but I wasn't really in the mood to argue. Now, thinking back about it, I was sure that he didn't mean it in a bad way, but for me at that time, it sounded like he was making me sound like an object, and I didn't really appreciate it.

"Oh," I replied rather coldly. "Congratulations."

"I was so nervous," he said. "But I just told myself to man up and told you how I feel about you."

"Oh, that's great, don't you think?" I answered, starting to increase my pace.

Yukino-kun may have been failing his subjects, and his chances of entering university may be quite slim, but he certainly wasn't stupid. He must have sensed the change in my tone, and he stopped talking for a while.

"Wh-why are you so rushed Ayano-chan? We have the whole afternoon," he said. "My mother won't mind me returning in the evening as long as I tell her beforehand."

That was when I decided to break it out to him that we were going to Kashiwagi-san's game. Helpfully, I got lost, and was now stuck with a whiny, agitated boyfriend. That was how things ended up like that.

As Yukino-kun sulked beside me, I myself got rather angry as well. I couldn't why Yukino-kun had to get so worked out like this. Ever since that time where he got into a fight with Kashiwagi-san, he had been getting quite aggressive. I thought he was over and done with his differences with the badminton captain, but how wrong I was. Perhaps he was jealous that I was attending another boy's game, but Kashiwagi-san was just a friend, so I didn't see anything wrong with it.

The two of us made it to the indoor sports hall at last, without saying a word. We were in our school blazers, so the people at the entrance realised we were there as supporters and let us in. Yukino-kun and I made it to the hall, where the second game had already ended. The players were having their break.

I could see Sayaka-chan and the rest of them a stone's throw away from the entrance Yukino-kun and I were at, as well as Kashiwagi-san who was in the court, wiping his sweat with a towel his coach passed to him. Sayaka-chan waved at me, so I hurried up to them. There was an empty seat between her and Kameko-chan, so I was thinking of grabbing that seat. I certainly wasn't in the mood to be sitting with Yukino-kun.

As I approached the girls, I felt my arm being grabbed. I turned around and saw Yukino-kun behind me.

"L-look," he said, his face getting red. "I'm really sorry, Ayano-chan. But I hope in the future, you'll take my feelings into consideration."

That was it.

"Take your feelings into consideration?" I replied rather loudly, yanking my arm free of his grasp. "Oh of course, but have you ever took my feelings into consideration? And you still have the cheek to say that!"

I noticed the hall turned silent, as if a hush had blanketed over the whole place. Heads turned to face us.

"A-Ayano-chan," he stuttered a reply. "I-I'm not too sure what you're talking about."

"Of course you wouldn't!" I yelled back. "What about that time when you 'mysteriously' got those chocolates in your shoe locker? How about the time when you sound oh-so-familiar with Kameko-chan? What about those times? Did you consider my feelings back then?"

The boy looked down, silent. He shoved his hands in his pockets.

I exhaled deeply. I could feel the tears stream down my cheeks. My heart thumped in my chest. I could hear people murmuring in the crowd.

"L-look, Ayano-chan," the boy said as he neared me.

He gently placed his palm on my shoulder, but I pushed him away.

"Please don't touch me!" I shouted at him, warm tears dampening my face.

That was when I heard a loud whistle pierce through the air.

"You two over there," a loud voice came from the loudspeaker.

It was the umpire, standing from his seat at the court.

"If you don't mind, could you please quieten down? The third game is about to begin."

I noticed everyone was still looking at us. I looked down at the court from where I was and I caught sight of Kashiwagi-san walking towards the court. Our gazes met for a moment, but he turned away. How embarrassing, he saw me cry. In the corner of my eye I saw Kameko-chan glaring at me, but then she to, turned around and faced the court again, as if nothing happened. I was sure she had heard everything, probably everyone in the vicinity could hear what we were arguing about.

Yukino-kun's hazel eyes looked at me, and he was about to approach me again, but I shook my head.

"Please excuse me," I mumbled, my face red and sticky with tears.

"A-Ayano-chan," I heard him say.

Still, I turned to the entrance and walked away briskly into the corridor. Once I was out of everyone's sight, I broke out into a run. I heard footsteps coming up from behind me. I was sure it was Yukino-kun, chasing me to tell me how sorry he was for everything. If it was really him, I didn't want to hear it. Now wasn't the time for apologies.

I was sick of his apologies.

"Ayano-chan," I heard a girl's voice say.

I turned around, and to my relief I saw Sayaka-chan standing there. She was there in her uniform, her bag slung on her shoulders.

"Let's get to the bathroom," she said. "We need to get you cleaned up."

I whimpered in agreement, and we both made it to the nearest ladies' bathroom. Thankfully, there was no one inside. I went over to the sink and looked into the mirror. My face was a mess, and I was shaking.

"Take a deep breath," Sayaka-chan said. "Calm down."

I did as I was told, and took three deep breaths, forcing my chest up and exhaling. I was still shaking after my first breath, but by the third it had nearly disappeared.

I went over to the sink and washed my face. It felt refreshing to have the cool water on my face, getting rid of all the traces of salty tears. Sayaka-chan handed to me some paper towels she got from the dispenser, and I used them to dab my face dry.

"All that make-up you wore just now, what a pity," she said.

I giggled slightly in response, unzipping my bag to re-apply my makeup.

"You better make this fast," she said jokingly. "Or Jarrett's game will end."

"Of course," I replied.

I just fixed the essentials, re-applying my mascara and dabbing some powder to cover up the redness from the crying. Nevertheless I still couldn't hide the fact that my eyes were still rather red. Once I was done with patching up, the both of us left for the main hall. The corridor was empty, and our footsteps echoed against the walls.

"So, you're all right now?" Sayaka-chan asked me., her low ponytails resting on her shoulders.

"Yeah," I replied. "I'm all better now."

"That's good to hear," she said, as we both entered the hall to find our places.

Sayaka-chan went back to her seat, and I took the empty seat beside her. If I wasn't wrong, wasn't the seat beside the one I was on Ka-chan's? She was nowhere to be seen, and only a black schoolbag was in its place. The pink bunny plush toy hanging from the zipper reassured me that it belonged to Kameko-chan.

Kashiwagi-san was in the court, in his last set in the game, but I was too distracted to pay attention. The sound of footsteps against wooden panels and the swishing of the rackets filled the air.

I looked around the stand for Yukino-kun, but I couldn't find him anywhere. I thought he would have been sitting alone, waiting for me, but I was wrong. I really wanted to apologise to him, for shouting at him in front of everyone like that. I should have just come clean with him from the beginning that we were going to Kashiwagi-san's match, then we wouldn't have ended up with both our feelings hurt. I know Yukino-kun. He may appear tough and aggressive but inside, he's actually pretty sensitive. I knew he cared about me, and I felt terrible for shouting at him like that.

"Did you see Yukino-kun?" I asked Sayaka-chan.

"No," she replied, stretching her neck to see the other side of the gallery. "I don't think he's here anywhere."

"He must have left then," I sighed.

A dark cloud shrouded my heart. I tried to recall how it all amounted to this. The events of the last few weeks ran through my mind. Surely, after an apology, all things would return to the way it was, wouldn't it?

"So," Yukino-kun asked me as I entered the empty classroom. "How was it?"

It was in the middle of August. The summer vacation had come to an end, and the last few months of our third year in high school begun. I had another career guidance session with Kuronuma-sensei that afternoon, and had told Yukino-kun to wait for me in our classroom.

"It was okay," I said in reply. "I guess."

"Did you tell her about your plans to be a lawyer?" he asked, chuckling.

"Yeah," I told him. "I did."

"What did she say?" he questioned.

"Not much really," I replied. "She thought that it was a good choice."

Yukino-kun picked up his bag on the chair and stood up. Pushing his chair in, we both left the classroom. The two of us headed over to our shoe lockers. The corridors were empty, and our footsteps echoed against the walls. As I got to my locker and took out my shoes, I caught sight of Yukino-kun retrieving his shoes from his. That somewhat reminded me of last Valentine's. I had always wanted to ask him about it, whether it really was from who I thought it was.

"Yukino-kun," I said, once I slipped on my other pair of shoes.

"Yeah?" the boy looked up at me as he got down on one knee to tie his laces.

"Remember the time during Valentine's when we were going home?" I asked him.

Yukino-kun stood up after he was done, and stretched his arms.

"I fell asleep while waiting for you just now," he said, stifling a yawn.

He certainly wasn't that smart in trying to steer the conversation away. All the more it made more suspicious.

"Ah," I said, playing along.

"I slept quite late yesterday," he said again, a sheepish grin on his face. "I was trying to learn a new score."

"Must be tiring," I commented. "Aren't you really sleepy right now, Yukino-kun?"

"Of course," he said, rubbing his eyes as he closed his locker door shut with his other free hand.

"Well," I said, twirling a strand of hair around my index finger. "Chocolates are quite excellent for a quick energy boost."

"Hey, that's a pretty good idea," he said. "Do you mind stopping over at the store for chocolate? I'm sure you must be quite tired as well."

I took up Yukino-kun's offer and we both walked out of the school building. Yukino-kun and I stopped over at the convenience square right before the station, where he bought for the both of us a bar of chocolate each. As we both walked towards the station, we ate our bars. Yukino-kun bought dark chocolate, and for me he got a bar of white chocolate. How befitting. He told me I should get something sweet for once, so I just went with it. I had trouble tearing my wrapper, so Yukino-kun had to do it for me.

"If you can't open it," the boy said as he took my bar from my hands. "You could have just asked me, you know?"

I had been trying tear at the wrapper for a few times with no result, but all Yukino-kun did, tearing it between his fingers in a single attempt, made my efforts feel so futile.

"Thanks," I muttered as he passed me the now-open bar of chocolate.

The two of us sat down to wait for the tram, finishing our chocolate bars. Yukino-kun sat beside me, and as I nibbled uncomfortably into the white confection I managed to catch him sending me a rather mischievous grin. He stifled a chuckle, then he pointed to the side of his lips with his index finger. I immediately knew what he meant, and quickly wiped the chocolate stain away with the back of my knuckle.

"Do you like white chocolate, Ayano-chan?" he asked, before taking another bite into his bar, nipping a piece of chocolate with his teeth.

"Yeah, I guess. . ." I replied.

"Well," he said. "I find white chocolate nice too."

"I bet it tastes better with strawberry to go along with it," I said, looking straight ahead at the vehicles rumbling past.

"Of course," he said, chuckling. "They're actually pretty ni-"

He stopped himself mid-sentence. As if some air was stuck in his throat and he couldn't get any more words out. I continued to looking straight ahead, at the road in front of me, before bringing the bar close to my lips and breaking a small chunk off.

From the corner of my eye I saw Yukino-kun quickly turning to look at me, before fidgeting with his fingers, visibly startled. He spent the next twenty seconds or so shuffling his gaze on either his jittering fingers or to his right, looking away from me.

Checkmate.

"What's wrong, Yukino-kun?" I asked, in a fake tone of concern.

I put up my free palm on my cheek, and looked at him as if I was shocked. Nevertheless, I was actually kind of pleased, I would finally get to the end of this saga. Or so I thought.

"No-nothing," he muttered, his cheeks red.

"Well, I'm sure you would've liked white chocolate with strawberry," I said. "You like sweet things anyway."

"Y-yeah," he replied, stuttering.

Silence befell the both of us after that. The only sounds to be heard were the rumbling of the engines as well as the sound of the chocolate breaking every time either of us took a bite. A few crows squawked as they perched from the power lines.

The tram arrived soon enough, and we both got on. The two of us sat at a row of seats, next to each other. Usually I would sit while holding my bag on my lap, but that day, I placed the bag between Yukino-kun and I. The boy sat with his legs rather apart from each other, and his knee bumped into mine. I shifted slightly to my left.

Yukino-kun leaned back, folding both his arms behind his head.

"You want to talk about the chocolates I got on Valentine's the other day, didn't you?" he said, all of a sudden.

"I never said anything like that," I replied, twirling a strand of hair around my index finger.

"Look," he muttered. "I-I don't know who gave me those chocolates, all right?"

"So, you're saying that the heart-shaped box of chocolates just 'mysteriously' appeared in your shoe locker?" I asked.

"Well," Yukino-kun replied. "No matter what, you're still my girlfriend, right?"

It always amounted to this. Yukino-kun always tried to avoid my advances when I got him cornered. No matter how obvious and blatant it seemed, he kept shying away from my assaults, desperately denying and deflecting anything coming from me.

"Of course," I replied, still rather fed up that he never had the courage to admit that he got a box of chocolates from another girl.

We continued the rest of the ride in silence.

The day after that Yukino-kun and I were back to normal. We mentioned nothing about what was said on the tram ride home the previous day. He picked me up in the morning on his bicycle, which he said he had retrieved from servicing the previous evening.

We reached school after a while, and after exchanging our shoes at the shoe lockers, we headed to class for homeroom. Yukino-kun and I reached the class together, where there were already quite a few students. A few girls, who I befriended through Kashiwagi-san wished me good morning, to which I greeted them back. Nobody said a word to Yukino-kun, who walked beside me, his hands shoved in his pockets and his face still rather sleepy. Probably all the cycling was tiring him and used up all his energy. Nevertheless Yukino-kun looked sleepy nearly every morning. So I supposed it was just the normal Yukino-kun being himself.

Kashiwagi-san, from his seat, turned around for a while from his group of friends to lift his palm slightly and wave me a greeting. I nodded my head, but not after I noticed  my boyfriend beside me shooting a glare at Kashiwagi-san, before quickly shifting his piercing gaze away. He didn't like it, apparently. I didn't really get it though, Kashiwagi-san was just a friend, yet Yukino-kun still gets so worked up about it. I never saw the reason for him to feel that way towards Kashiwagi-san. Even though he apologised to me after getting into a fight with the badminton captain back in Summer, it was obvious he still felt the same animosity towards the other boy.

Homeroom began as per usual, and as per usual, Yukino-kun did not pay any attention. I, from my seat, could only observe the boy look out of the window like he usually did. The morning sun shining onto his hair, his fingers tapping against his table, the way he rested his head on his palm, they were all still so clear to me even now.

In Homeroom, we all discussed the upcoming school festival. The third years were supposed to be with their classes, just like how it has been for every past school festival. A few ideas were thrown here and there, but I didn't really contribute much. Kashiwagi-san, as the head of the student council, facilitated the entire discussion. At the end of it there were still some rather interesting ideas, but the baseline was that we still failed to come up with anything substantial. I couldn't help but reminisce about the festival Yukino-kun and I attended the previous year.

I still remembered how Yukino-kun and I walked around the festival grounds, and how I stuffed the yakitori into his mouth. I giggled to myself, recalling all the sweet moments we had back then.

During lunch, I went over to Yukino-kun's table and we had our meals. My mother had packed me a bento with rice and salmon, while Yukino-kun had some rice and meat.

"Salmon again?" he asked me, after I opened my lid.

"Yeah," I replied. "But I'm fine with it."

"I thought you were getting bored of it weren't you?" he asked, chuckling.

"Well," I answered, picking up my chopsticks. "They're healthy, at least."

"It's also healthy to exercise, you know?" he said, a mischievous smirk on his lips.

"Not that again," I muttered, to which he laughed.

The two of us spoke very little as we ate, owing mainly to the fact that I myself had very little to talk about with him. After some small talk which ultimately led to nowhere, He asked me what the next lesson was.

"Chemistry," I said, trying to recall the schedule for the day. "It should be, if I'm not mistaken."

"Ah," he replied, nodding his head. "Have you done your homework?"

It was then that I remembered. The worksheet we received for chemistry the other day. It wasn't like I hadn't done it, but I was quite unsure on how to do one of the questions and I wasn't comfortable with handing in an assignment with blanks in it. Without thinking, I quickly stood up, the legs of the chair pushing back against the floor, piercing the quiet atmosphere with a sudden loud screech.

"A-Ayano-chan," Yukino-kun said, looking at me, an awkward smile on his lips. "What's wrong?"

His voice somehow snapped me back to reality, back from my cluttered thoughts. Realising that I was standing up, and my food was still in front of me, I hurriedly sat down.

"Ah," I said to Yukino-kun. "I just remembered that I didn't manage to do all the questions. Well, I can always ask Kashiwagi-san after this."

The smile on Yukino-kun's face disappeared. I guess I have said something which I shouldn't have, but words once spoken could not be taken back. He then bent down and reached for his bag dangling by the side of his desk, before he took out a slightly crumpled worksheet and placed it on his table.

"Here," he said. "Use mine."

I looked at him, then I looked back at the paper on the table in front of me. Yukino-kun shifted his gaze to the side, before he began looking out of the window like he usually did in class.

Carefully, I reached out for the paper in front of me, and flipped through it to have a look. Some questions were filled, while most others were left blank. Even to those questions where he actually did make an attempt at an answer, I still managed to spot a few mistakes in his answers here and there. In addition to that, the question which I actually needed help with, he left blank. I couldn't really see why he even bothered to lend me his worksheet.

"Thanks," I muttered rather awkwardly, pushing the worksheet across the table back to him. "But, it's fine."

"Didn't you say you needed to borrow a worksheet?" Yukino-kun retorted.

"No. . ." I muttered, trying to think up an excuse. "It's all right, really. I'll just try it by myself."

"If you say so," he replied, placing his worksheet underneath his table. "The Ayano-chan I know doesn't like to rely on other people."

I didn't really get what he was trying to put across, so I continued eating. Yukino-kun asked me for some salmon, so I fed it to him, picking it up and placing it in his open mouth. Normally I would feel happy, or maybe even giigle to myself at how childishly cute Yukino-kun could be at times, but back then, I didn't really feel anything. All I could think of was my worries.

As I looked at the boy in front of me, I couldn't help but feel worry and uncertainty fogging over my heart. The boy chuckled as he commented on how the salmon wouldn't make him fat, before closing his empty bento box and placing it back into his bag.

"I wish my mother had time to pack me salmon for lunch," he said. "I don't really fancy onee-san's cooking."

I just nodded my head. I was at a loss at how to respond.

"But I shouldn't be complaining," he muttered, leaning back into his seat.

His gaze shifted to the trees and quadrangle outside the window.

"After all, mother has to leave early for work. My sister leaves rather early too, so she could only pull up something quick. Just plop some karaage into the deep-fryer and there you have it," he chuckled.

"I guess," I replied, rather awkwardly.

"Sometimes," Yukino-kun said, folding his arms, and leaning against the back of his chair. "Even breathing is kind of difficult, don't you think?"

I was slightly taken aback by his answer, and I looked directly at him. The boy didn't seem to realise it, though. Perhaps he did, but he just didn't care. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, as I finished off the last morsels of food I had in my bento.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Yukino-kun suddenly said, standing up and pushing in his chair behind him.

"S-sure," I muttered, as I placed the lid of my bento back on.

"See you in a few minutes," he chuckled, before walking down the aisle and to the front door.

I watched him as he approached the front door, hands shoved in the pockets of his trousers, the sleeves of his shirt and blazer pushed back all the way up to his elbows. He approached the door, and seemed to be reaching for the handle, but before he could touch it, but the door quickly slid open.

In the hallway stood Kashiwagi-san. Yukino-kun paused. The two of them looked at each other.

I nearly gulped. Ever since the incident last summer, the tension between those two had been getting more omnipotent. Of course, I couldn't blame Kashiwagi-san, it was usually Yukino-kun who would get all aggressive. I had to admit, it dissed me off quite a bit.

The boys glared at each other, or from what I saw, Yukino-kun glared at Kashiwagi-san. From behind my boyfriend's shadow I could see Kashiwagi-san look at me. Awkwardly I shifted my gaze away.

Thankfully, nothing serious happened. Kashiwagi-san stepped to the side slightly, and Yukino-kun just walked past. Nevertheless I did manage to catch my boyfriend shoving the other boy with his broad shoulder, although from where I was I couldn't really deduce rather it was deliberate or accidental.

Kashiwagi-san returned to his seat, fidgeting with his hands. I somehow felt sorry for him, somehow being an outlet of Yukino-kun's frustrations. Seeing that my boyfriend was out of sight, I hurried over to the school president's seat.

"Kashiwagi-san," I said. "If it's fine with you, could you help me with a favour?"

The boy who was searching for something in his bag on his lap looked up at me.

"Ah, sure," he replied. "Anything you ask for, Furukawa-san."

Somehow his words made me rather nervous, and under the constant fear that Yukino-kun might just come back bursting into the classroom at any second, I stumbled on my own words. My hands were jittery, and Kashiwagi-san just looked at me, raising his eyebrows in bewilderment. After a while, I finally found my voice again.

"I wanted to ask," I muttered. "Could you lend me your chemistry worksheet? There are some questions that I'm not really sure how to solve, so I was wondering if you could help me out."

The boy nodded his head.

"Ah," he said, sounding rather relieved. "That's what you wanted to ask then."

"Yes," I muttered under my breath.

The boy looked through his bag and took out a folder. As his bag was there unzipped, I couldn't help but notice the stark differences between it and Yukino-kun's bag. Kashiwagi-san's bag was neat, organised, with all his papers and worksheets stored away neatly in files. Meanwhile, Yukino-kun's bag was a mess: crumpled worksheets, loose stationery, and on days when there was track or gym class, he would stuff his gym attire in there as well, regardless whether it was clean or sweaty.

Kashiwagi-san passed his chemistry worksheet to me. He offered to explain to me the questions which I didn't understand, but seeing that Yukino-kun might return from the bathroom at any moment, I just opted to copy the answers from the other boy's worksheet. I didn't want to be caught in a situation where Kashiwagi-san was explaining things to me when Yukino-kun walks in. That would cause quite a bit of a problem. It was kind of irrational, in my opinion, but I knew Yukino-kun didn't really like me talking to Kashiwagi-san, even though to me, Kashiwagi-san and I were just friends. I was sure Kashiwagi-san felt the same way as well. Nevertheless, just to appease my boyfriend, I never tried to talk to Kashiwagi-san whenever Yukino-kun was around.

"I'll return it to you once I'm done," I told him.

"Sure, take as long as you need," he replied, chuckling.

I brisk walked to Yukino-kun's table by the window, picking up my bento box, before returning to my seat. I chucked the lunchbox underneath my desk, before I took out my chemistry worksheet and laid it on my table. As I referred to Kashiwagi-san's set of homework while I wrote, I caught sight of Ka-chan approaching me, her phone in hand.

"Eh? You haven't done your homework?" she asked, before sitting down on the seat beside me.

"No," I replied, not too eager to talk to her. "There's just a few questions I don't know."

"Well," she said, her voice sweet and soft. "I thought someone as smart as you would be able to answer all the questions correctly."

"Ah," I answered. "It's just these few questions I have a problem with."

"I see," she replied. "It must be good to be intelligent isn't it? You can succeed without relying on others. You can leave everything behind and still end up high up."

"What do you mean?" I asked, rather confused.

"Ah, it's nothing," she replied, giggling.

I was still somewhat suspicious of her, but I dropped it after she proceeded on with small talk. Not like I was really interested to talk to her at the moment, but since she was there I might as well. We were stil best friends, if that was how the outside world sees the both of us, but neither of us seem to be acting like true best friends. Now when I think back, it was kind of sad actually, our friendship since junior high school just slowly disintegrating just like that. Of course, on the surface everything looked fine, but putting up a show was very exhausting. Sometimes I wished the both of us had come clean with each other, but I never had the courage to do so. I couldn't really figure out what Ka-chan had in mind either. Kameko-chan was not like me. She was a very different type of girl. Up to this day, when I try to recall about her, I still never got a clear picture of her. Only when it was too late did I realise the meanings of her actions. But by then, there was already nothing I could do.

Our conversations got less frequent over the course of Autumn. She had her own set of friends, and I only talked to her when we were at track or during lunch. She never once offered to have lunch with me, or invite me to sit with her, like what we did back in the first and second year. Since Yukino-kun and I were in the same class now, naturally, I went over to sit with him during lunch. It wasn;t like he had anybody else to spend his lunch with. On the other hand, Ka-chan had her own set of friends she would eat with. Sometimes she went to the cafeteria with Kashiwagi-san with his friends, and sometimes she would sit alone. Even when she was alone, she never bothered to invite me to sit with her.

Sometimes I wondered why she was acting in such a way. I'd soon learn everything, but by then everything had already shattered to pieces, there was no way I could have done anything.

"Have you chosen a university yet?" she asked  me, taking out her pocket mirror and looking at her reflection.

I was torn between divulging my future plans to her, but I thought that it was a good opportunity to find out what Ka-chan wanted for herself as well.

"Well," I replied. "I was thinking of going to law school."

I didn't reveal to her where exactly, but I didn't want to lie either. Nevertheless, Kameko-chan was quick to pick up on it, and she pressed on.

"The law faculty of which university exactly?" she asked.

"Hakodate University," I lied. "I read their law faculty is doing quite well."

"Ah," Kameko-chan replied. "I see."

"How about you?" I asked her.

The girl moved her palm gracefully to her lips.

"Actually," she giggled. "I haven't really decided on one yet. That's terrible of me isn't it?"

"Oh, yes," I replied, trying to rein the conversation. "But don't you have a slightest idea of where you might end up in the future?"

The girl giggled and smiled, but said nothing.

"Well, good luck with law school then, Ayano-chan," she wished me, before standing up and heading over to another group of girls at the front of the classroom.

Once I was done with Kashiwagi-san's chemistry worksheet, I quickly returned it to him, before hurrying back to my seat. I was fortunate, the moment I sat down, Yukino-kun returned from the restroom. I heaved a sigh of relief, knowing that Yukino-kun wouldn't find out that I did something he didn't like.

How wrong I was.

I thought that the journey back home that day would be free of problems, so I let my guard down a bit. I was tasked by our homeroom teacher to carry some books to the staff room, and Yukino-kun decided to help me. He took half the books while I took the other half. He talked and smiled to me all the way as we headed to the staff room, so I really felt relieved that he really did not find out about what I did earlier.

After we dropped our delivery at the destination, I followed Yukino-kun to the shoe lockers, putting on our shoes before proceeding to the bicycle stand. As Yukino-kun unlocked the chain from his bicycle, I stood by a wall, waiting.

"Ayano-chan," he said as he walked up to me, pushing his bicycle along. "Get on."

I did as I was told, and sat at the back, my schoolbag on my lap. Yukino-kun then cycled out of the school grounds and down the road. The afternoon sun shone faintly behind a thick screen of clouds. The smell of rain hung in the air. It only seemed like a matter of time before the heavens came pouring down.

"Did you bring an umbrella today?" Yukino-kun asked me when we were at a red light.

"Yeah, I did," I replied. "We can share if you didn't bring yours today."

"That's not the problem," he said, as a clap of thunder sounded in the distance. "Do you mind taking the tram? I'll drop you off at the next station. It's quite dangerous to be cycling in the rain."

"I don't want to go home alone," I complained.

Yukino-kun seemed to be at a loss on what to do, but he eventually managed to come up with something. He cycled up to a public bicycle stand, and told me to get off. Another clap of thunder resounded in the grey sky, and a flash of red lit up a streak of cloud in the distance. The first few drops of rain began to fall.

"What are you doing, Yukino-kun?" I asked, getting rather worried.

"I'm parking the bicycle here first for a while," he replied. "It's been a while since we got to spend some together hasn't it?"

"Are you asking me out on a date?" I asked. "Why didn't you just tell me earlier?"

"Well," the boy said, scratching the back of his head. "It wasn't planned. You said that you didn't want to go home alone, so why not we spend some time together first while waiting out the rain? Then I can send you home on the bicycle."

I agreed, and we both walked around the vicinity. I wasn't sure where we were headed, and I had the impression that Yukino-kun didn't really know where to take me either. We just walked down the street hand in hand, as the raindrops began to fall. Yukino-kun took off his blazer and shrouded it over me, resting the collar on my head, like a blanket.

"It's all right," I told him. "I have my own umbrella."

I took his blazer off my back, and handed it back to him. He refused at first, but after my insistence, he put it back on. Meanwhile, I took out my umbrella from my bag and opened it. I held it above the both of us, and it could fit the both of us nicely under its cover. None of us had to get wet this time.

I had trouble trying to keep the umbrella's canopy from hitting Yukino-kun's head, as well as the metal frame clipping onto his hair, so in the end, Yukino-kun had to hold the umbrella for the both of us.

"Remember that time when it rained really heavily and I covered you in my blazer?" he said. "I got soaked, so your mother helped wash and dry my clothes for me."

"Sorry about that," I apologised. "If I had brought my own umbrella then none of that would have happened."

Yukino-kun laughed.

"It's all right," he said. "It was a really nice feeling when I did that."

"When you got wet?" I asked.

"No," he said. "It was a really nice feeling when I got to protect you."

His words made my heart thump in my chest. My cheeks got warm as I nodded my head.

"Thanks for that," I muttered.

The boy laughed awkwardly, before shoving his free hand in his trouser pocket.

After we walked like what it seemed like forever underneath an ever-darkening sky, Yukino-kun finally led me to an arcade.

"I thought you'd like places like this," he said when we arrived.

I had never been to an arcade before, my parents never brought me one when I was younger. It wasn't like I asked them to take me there to one in the first place. I was content playing with my dolls and plush toys in my bedroom.

"I-I've never been to one before, actually," I admitted.

"I'm sure you'll enjoy it," he chuckled.

The arcade was rather empty, with only a few junior high schoolers manning some racing booth. The sound of buttons being pressed as well as flashing neon lights lit up the atmosphere. Yukino-kun told me to pick whatever game I wanted to play.

"I-I don't really enjoy these type of things," I told him. "Thanks for the thought but-"

"If that's the case," he said, interrupting me. "Then I'll choose what we'll play."

Yukino-kun proceeded to walk down an aisle of game machines, and I dutifully followed. It wasn't like I was really interested in playing anything, but since I was bored and had nothing to do anyway, I decided to perhaps let Yukino-kun have his way for once. The boy led me to a machine where we were supposed to shoot hoops. There were two hoops, side by side, presumably to compare scores for anybody who wanted to compete against each other. Yukino-kun went up to one and slotted some coins in. I only stood behind him and watched.

"You want to see who can shoot the most hoops?" he asked me, turning to me .

"I think the answer's pretty obvious, don't you think?" I replied, not really interested.

Yukino-kun shrugged his shoulders, before proceeding to throw some hoops by himself. He tossed the balls in, one by one, as the timer flashed its bright light. All of Yukino-kun's shots passed, but I kind of expected it, so I wasn't really that amused.

"Do you want to try shooting one?" he asked, offering me the ball he had in his hands.

I declined his offer. Most of the time we spent there at the arcade was just Yukino-kun playing by himself, and I just looked around, occasionally checking my phone. Nothing in particular interested me, so in the end I found a seat and sat down while Yukino-kun was himself busy on some racing machine. He was trying to show me how good he was at a shooting game before I walked off to find a seat. In all honesty I was bored to death.

"Ayano-chan," he said, as he walked towards me. "What's wrong?"

"Ah," I replied. "I'm just. . . tired."

"Do you want anything to drink?" he asked me as he sat beside me.

I shook my head. Yukino-kun fell silent. I felt bad once I saw him actually making an effort to try to understand how I was feeling.

"Do you like soft toys, Ayano-chan?" the boy suddenly asked me.

"Well," I said, contemplating. "I guess. . ."

The boy's face lit up.

"Then, come this way, would you?" he told me, grabbing my hand, helping me up.

It wasn't like I had a choice. Even though I just wanted to sit down and wait out the rain, I had to follow Yukino-kun. I should have just taken the tram and headed home when my boyfriend had offered to drop me off at the station, but no, I 'wanted to go back with Yukino-kun', and now that I had chosen to stay with him, I was boring myself to death. I don't understand myself either sometimes. Looking back, I wondered how Yukino-kun could deal with my mood swings. I was very prone to fickle thoughts, flipping from one extreme to the other.

Yukino-kun brought me to one corner of the arcade, where the claw cranes were. The boy brought me past a couple of machines, filled halfway through with soft toys and candy. It was brightly lit, and I took a closer look at its contents. There wasn't anything that I really wanted, so it wasn't like I expected Yukino-kun to get anything for me. But if he wanted to, then, I guess I'll just accept whatever he gives me.

"Which one do you want, Ayano-chan?" he said. "I'll try to get it for you."

When I heard what he said, I forced myself to pick a toy, so as not to disappoint him. If he wanted to get something for me, and if that makes him happy, then who am I to deny him that right? I looked through the glass screen of the machine, scanning the pile of goodies inside, trying not to get distracted by the flashing neon bulbs. I could ask for him to just help me scoop some candy, but I guess he wouldn't be too satisfied with something so easy. As far as I knew, boys liked challenges, and they'd try their best to overcome them. Well, speaking from my experience.

In the end I settled for a small cat plush toy with a keychain nestled amidst the pile of items. It wasn't that easily grabbed, but it was still quite plausibly possible that the crane would be able to grab it, if manoeuvred properly. I was just speaking based on my judgement, I've never myself handled a game of crane lift by myself before, so I wouldn't know how difficult exactly was the process of picking up things with it. Besides, a cat plush toy wouldn't look too bad on my bag.

"So . . . Which is your pick, Ayano-chan?" Yukino-kun asked me again after he let me contemplate.

"The cat doll," I replied, pointing in the direction of the cream-coloured soft toy. "The one over there."

"That one?" Yukino-kun asked, pointing at the cat.

I guess he wanted to confirm it with me, and I nodded. Yukino-kun then dug out his wallet from his trouser pocket, before slotting in a coin into the machine. With the clinking of the coin after it was pushed in, the machine lit up with a brighter light, illuminating the interior, allowing us to check out the true contents of the trove. The neon lights ceased to flash distractingly, and a sound played, indicating that the machine was ready for play.

"This is my last coin," Yukino-kun told me, chuckling nervously.

He rubbed his hands together and blew on it.

"Hopefully I'll get the cat for you," he added, a sheepish smile on his face.

"D-do your best, I guess," I replied, unsure on how to respond.

"I'll surely do," he chuckled, before turning back to the machine.

From behind, I saw his broad shoulders rise underneath his blazer as he inhaled deeply. He shot back another glance at me, a smirk rising from the side of his lips, before he hit the button to start his attempt. Fast-paced music played, and a timer began to appear in the middle of the container with the goodies. Yukino-kun only had a thirty second timeframe, to try to pick up the cat and rake in as many other goodies as he could.

My heart beat faster with anxiety in my chest as I watched Yukino-kun slowly grappling with the joystick on the machine. I wondered how he could do so in such a composed manner, if I were in his place, I'd be sure to be already panicking and flailing around, especially with the time adding to the extra pressure. But from the way Yukino-kun gritted his teeth, I could understand that he was actually feeling pretty tense as well, except that he didn't really want to show it to me. I guess it made sense for some boys to want to hide their feelings in front of their girlfriends

The twenty seconds that Yukino-kun had left soon become ten, and time was running out fast. I nervously watched as Yukino-kun aligned the claw of the machine hovering directly above the doll. He immediately pressed a button, and the claw reached down, pinching the cat exactly on the spot, before pulling the toy together with it as the claw retracted back into the air. The cat toy dropped into the collection vent, just before the timer hit zero, and the machine began to restart to its starting position.

Once he was done, Yukino-kun took a step back, before stretching his arms and cracking his knuckles. He then bent down and slid his hand into the collection vent of the machine. When his hand came out, it brought along with it the cat toy that he had just won.

Yukino-kun then turned and walked towards me, a big, accomplished smile on his lips. Cat toy clutched in his right palm, he held it right in front of me. I nearly chuckled, he reminded me of a police officer showing his identity card to a suspect before arresting him. Then again, I guess it would be kind of interesting if Yukino-kun were to work in law enforcement, but I don't think he would be so interested.

"Here you go," he said. "I finally managed to get it," he added.

"Thank you," I replied, plucking the toy from his hands.

The soft fur coating of the toy tickled my fingers. I stroked it a few times, giggling to myself.

"It was really sweet of you" I said to him, somewhat touched that he went through all the trouble for me.

Yukino-kun's cheeks turned red, as he shook his head, telling me that it was just a small matter.

"I'll keep it," I told him. "It's really cute."

I immediately placed the soft toy in my bag, and planned to attach it onto my bag later. It would make a really cute accessory hanging from the zip of my bag. Well, Ka-chan also had an adorable plush toy hanging from her bag, but I think she alternates between a bunny and a butterfly from time to time. I didn't know what her protocol was for the switching of her accessory, it seemed to be random, but I guess it just kind of bugged me because it was just my habit to overanalyse things.

We waited out the rain, and soon when it stopped pouring, we left the arcade.

Outside, it was cool, windy and humid. The sky was still cloudy, and the afternoon sun lit the sky a pale red. There were puddles on the sidewalk, and the both of us stepped on them, not really caring about the splash of water droplets that made our shoes damp.

"Are you hungry?" Yukino-kun asked me. "If you want to go grab a bite, I know quite a few places around here. Don't worry, I'll treat you."

"No thanks," I declined his offer.

"Well so you want to go home straight away then?" he asked, stretching his arms.

"Yeah," I answered. "I'm tired."

"I see," he grunted.

The two of us walked down the street to the public bicycle stand where Yukino-kun had parked his bicycle there earlier that afternoon. I couldn't really remember what we talked about while we were making our way there, but I was sure that it was some small chatter that wasn't particularly important or anything.

"It's great that we managed to at least spend some together, don't you think?" Yukino-kun asked as he unlocked his bicycle from the stand. "It's been quite a while since we actually got to hang out."

"Well, I guess. . ." I replied, rather hesitant.

"So," Yukino-kun said. "What are you planning to do when you get home?"

"Probably study for a little bit," I replied. "There are some stuff from today that I didn't really particularly understand, so I'll go through those I suppose. It's so disappointing when you don't get the concept."

The boy chuckled as he brought the bicycle along with him as he walked towards me.

"I wish I could help with that," the boy said. "But I can't, because I'm an idiot."

"Don't say that," I replied. "I guess some people just have different strengths and weaknesses I suppose. . ."

Yukino-kun ran his right hair through his hair.

"That doesn't change the fact that my grades are rock bottom does it?" he sighed. "Compared to you, I'm really stupid."

I gave up trying to tell him to stop calling himself all sorts of things, so I just kept silent. Yukino-kun then told me to get on the back of his bike, and I gladly did. I was getting tired of standing around. Yukino-kun cycled, paying attention to the road ahead of him. From the back, I could only see his broad shoulders and his hair being blown in the breeze.

I exhaled and relaxed, thinking that it was going to be just another bicycle ride home with Yukino-kun, but how wrong I was.

It all started when Yukino-kun stopped at a red light at an intersection. The light started to turn red for the direction we were heading from, so there was no way we could have beaten it anyway.

"So," Yukino-kun suddenly said, amid the sound of vehicles rumbling in the background. "What are you planning to study when you get home?"

"Probably some chemistry," I replied. "I have to look through the topics we were taught this week."

"Ah," he remarked. "Talking about chemistry, did you manage to figure out the questions in the assignment which you had problems with earlier?"

"Well," I said, playing with a strand of Yukino-kun's hair. "In a sense, yes."

I let my hand fall to the side. My boyfriend's hair was sweaty, and it was much more entertaining for me to play with my own hair, which was far longer and silkier than Yukino-kun's.

"What do you mean?" he asked, chuckling.

The red light turned green, and Yukino-kun began cycling again.

"I just copied them from Kashiwagi-san," I said without much thought.

It was when I realised Yukino-kun mounted no response that I realise I must have said something wrong. My heart thumped out of worry, but at the same time I also doubted whether Yukino-kun truly felt hurt or not.

He suddenly pulled over to the sidewalk, and stopped cycling while we were beside a lamppost. The bicycle didn't budge an inch.

"Get off," he told me in a mildly agitated voice. "We need to have a talk."

I did as I was told, and climbed off bicycle. Yukino-kun got off from his seat not long after, and let his bicycle lean against the roadside fence.

"Didn't I tell you, Ayano-chan," Yukino-kun said softly, as he turned around. "That I didn't want you to borrow Kashiwagi-san's notes?"

He looked directly at me with his soft hazel eyes, while he shoved his hands in his pockets as he leaned forward. His phrasing may have sounded rough making anyone think that he might have been angry with me, but the expression on his face stated something else entirely. He actually looked rather disappointed, his eyes soft and melancholic. Nevertheless back then only Yukino-kun's words got to me, and I did get rather worked up, but thankfully I managed to stay calm .

"Yes, you did," I replied. "But why can't I?"

Yukino-kun seemed rather awkward when he heard me say that, but I was trying my best not to sound too harsh. The boy averted his gaze, his cheeks slightly rosy.

"I-I don't really like it," he muttered.

"Well, Kashiwagi-san is just a friend," I told him. "There's nothing wrong with relying on friends for help is there?"

"I get it, but I just wanted you to rely on me more, that's all," he said. "You mean a lot to me, Ayano-chan."

"But who are you to tell me who I should or should not talk to?" I retorted.

I was trying to keep calm and civil, since we were in public. I wasn't in the mood to quarrel with Yukino-kun over something like this out on the sidewalk. Deep in my heart, I was slowly getting irritated with my boyfriend. I wondered when did he let himself get so jealous over something as minor as this. Kashiwagi-san was just a friend, and I knew my boundaries. Yukino-kun and I were already in a relationship, I acknowledge that, but it wasn't like I shouldn't have any other male friends outside our relationship, no? I didn't see how Yukino-kun could disallow me from doing so.

The boy sighed, before returning to his bicycle. In a soft voice, he told me to get on. I was slightly hesitant at first, thinking that he might still be quite moody, but in the end, I returned to the seat at the back of his bicycle.

It was a silent ride home. He never talked to me, and I never tried to try to stir up a conversation either. When we parted, he just waved curtly, before cycling off.

The next day, things seemed to be back to normal, with Yukino-kun talking to me again. Neither of us mentioned anything about the cycle back home yesterday, neither did we talk about the time the other day when I tried to corner Yukino-kun to tell me more about the chocolates when we were on our way home. Everything went as per normal, Yukino-kun having lunch with me, laughing and joking with me with no signs showing that we had just had a quarrel recently. I played along as well, trying to make myself look cheerful around the boy.

Now it had all come to this. I sat there, thinking about my relationship with Yukino-kun. He must have been mad, no furious, after I yelled at him in front of everyone. I didn't really pay attention to the game with such a troubled mind. Occasionally Sayaka-chan would comment on Kashiwagi-san's performance, about how impressive he was after he managed to prevent his opponent from landing a far shot, or how strong the opponent was. I only grunted in response, staring in thin air.

I snapped out of my daze when I suddenly heard something move on the seat next to me. I turned around, and caught sight of Kameko-chan, from behind our last row of seats, picking up her bag. If I wasn't mistaken, I thought I had heard her sniff, but her silky strands of hair were dangling down to her shoulders, blocking my view of her.

"Kameko-chan," I called out softly to her, but she just seemed to ignore me.

She turned around, and for a brief moment, I caught sight of the glassy reflection in her eyes. But before I could utter a word, rather shocked at the sight of her face like that, she had already walked off, without saying a word to me. I don't know what had happened to make her cry like that, I guess it must have been something quite heavy, since it was the only time I saw the girl about to burst into tears.

The game ended soon enough, but I still didn't really catch what was happening. Sayaka-chan told me that she would be waiting for Kashiwagi-san at the front of the ticketing counter, and I agreed to follow her. I assumed Yukino-kun had already left, so I guessed tagging along with Sayaka-chan should be fine.

"Well, Jarrett really did prove his worth just now did he?" Sayaka-chan said to me as we walked down the corridor leading from the entrance of the hall.

"I-I guess," I replied, not really knowing what to say.

All my attention was spent worrying and reflecting on Yukino-kun, and whatever was left dissipated when I saw Kameko-chan in tears. Kashiwagi-san's game was the last thing on my mind, even though that was what I came there for in the first place. I didn't even know then if Kashiwagi-san won or lost.

"It was a shame, but Jarrett certainly did try his best, so I guess that's a reason to congratulate him for," Sayaka-chan said.

I merely nodded my head.

Sayaka-chan and I found a bench to sit on near the counter, and watched the other students streaming out of the vicinity as we waited for Kashiwagi-san. It took a while before Kashiwagi-san appeared. He didn't seem to notice the both of us at first, and neither did Sayaka-chan notice him. I, on the other hand, for some reason, chose to do nothing. I couldn't find the voice inside of me to call out to him.

The boy walked past the counter, his sports bag slung from his right shoulder. He had changed from his sweaty shorts and jersey into a light grey hoodie and jeans. His hair was damp and he looked fresh. I guess his delay was caused by him taking a shower first. I guess it was better that way, I knew I wouldn't be too comfortable wallowing about in sweaty clothes.

Kashiwagi-san finally spotted us when he called out to me. A smile on his face, he sort of jogged towards the both of us girls who were seated on the bench.

"Hey," he greeted us. "Didn't know you girls were waiting for me."

"Well, of course," Sayaka-chan said. "Didn't I tell you before the game just now?"

Kashiwagi-san chuckled awkwardly, running his right hand through his hair.

"I must have forgot," he said, a sheepish grin on his lips.

Sayaka-chan punched the boy lightly on the shoulder, and he laughed. Kashiwagi-san, rubbing the spot where Sayaka-chan had hit him, turned to me.

"So, how do you think I did just now, Furukawa-san?" he asked.

"I-I think you did fine," I muttered softly, my eyes searching the ground.

Deep in my heart I hoped he didn't catch the fact that I wasn't paying attention to his game. The bright eyes of his made me feel somewhat all the more guilty for having my mind so preoccupied by my own issues.

Kashiwagi-san's smile faded, and his cheerful eyes softened into an expression of concern. I guess he must have sensed something wrong, and I was sure he witnessed the fight between Yukino-kun and I just now. Everyone did.

"How about I treat the both of you to dinner?" the boy said. "I do have some cash on me."

"You don't have to make yourself sound so humble," Sayaka-chan giggled. "You always have cash on you, don't you?"

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Kashiwagi-san shooting a rather panicked glare at his childhood friend, to which she just nodded her head and said 'I understand' in a casual manner.

"So, what do you say, Furukawa-san?" the boy said, addressing me.

"P-please don't go through all that trouble," I replied. "It's already bad enough that you lost, then now you're treating someone like me for dinner. . ."

The boy chuckled awkwardly.

"Well," he began, crossing his arms. "It's not whether I won or lost. I just wanted to take the both of you out for dinner."

I was still rather hesitant, worrying about what Yukino-kun would think of me if I kept hanging out with this other boy.

"Don't worry," Sayaka-chan said, as if she knew what I was troubled about. "I'll be there with thee both of you. Think of it as a group outing."

"Yeah," Kashiwagi-san added. "And we don't have to go to an expensive place either, if the price bothers you. But I don't mind."

I finally agreed.

Kashiwagi-san told us that he knew a place nearby a few streets away that sold rather good gyoza and ramen, so he took us there. He asked us if we wanted to go anywhere else, but neither of us girls had any objections to his plans, so we just followed along.

"I've been there quite a few times with my family," the boy said as the three of us walked down the street, the sky glowing a deep orange-red. "The food there isn't that expensive, and its quite good too."

I had my doubts when Kashiwagi-san referred to the place as 'not that expensive', but when I arrived there, I was finally convinced. Indeed, it was a rather modest place. The eatery was located in an inconspicuous alley, but that didn't stop customers from showing up. When we arrived, the place was full, mostly with office ladies and salarymen grabbing their dinner before heading home. We had to wait for a while before we got a seat, but Kashiwagi-san assured me that it was worth it. When we finally managed to get a table, we ordered our food. I went with tofu and miso ramen, while the other two both went with beef ramen. Kashiwagi-san also ordered a plate of gyoza for us to share.

"Don't you think it was a bit too much?" I whispered to Sayaka-chan, who was seated beside me.

I guess I might have whispered a little too loudly.

"Well," Kashiwagi-san said. "If you don't want to eat, I can help finish up the gyoza. I'm starving."

"I'm sure you must be pretty tired," I said to him. "You really trained so hard for this event after all. But then, getting eliminated in the semi-finals. . ." I trailed off, fidgeting with my fingers.

"I don't mind losing," the boy said, chuckling. "I did put in my best after all, and if this is the result, then. . . it's just fate, isn't it?"

I nodded my head in response, although I honestly didn't really agree with his point of view. Our food soon arrived, and we helped ourselves. The moment I picked up my chopsticks and slurped on the first stretch of noodles, I could immediately see why everyone loved that place so much. The texture of the ramen was springy and smooth, and the miso in the soup was not too salty. I could taste a dash of sweetness, probably from a slight hint of sweet soy sauce. I couldn't help but continue slurping my noodles.

"Woah," Kashiwagi-san remarked after I had finished everything in my bowl and drank up all the soup. "You're rather fast, Furukawa-san."

I immediately felt my cheeks getting hot, and I looked down with embarrassment. What a shame, I thought. I should have controlled myself. But I guess that now I knew that if I was feeling horrible, good food was an answer.

"Ah, I-I didn't mean for you to get embarrassed," the boy said, he himself blushing. "At least I know that you enjoyed your food."

"If you don't mind, Kashiwagi-san" I asked. "How much does this cost? I'll pay you back, it's all right."

"It's fine, really," he replied. "450￥ for that is quite worth it."

"Are you sure?" I asked him. "If that's the case then it was very worth it."

"I'm glad you liked it," he chuckled, before continuing with his own food.

We were out of the eatery soon enough, after Sayaka-chan was done with her meal. Kashiwagi-san had already paid after we had ordered, but I felt bad about it, so I tried to pay him the 450￥ he had spent on me when the three of us were waiting for the streetcar.

"It's fine, really," he told me, after I took out the coins from my wallet and handed it over to him.

"Ah, if that's the case. . ." I replied.

The tram arrived, and the three of us boarded. The three of us sat beside each other, Kashiwagi-san sandwiched between Sayaka-chan and I. I sat with my schoolbag on my lap, and it was then when the boy noticed the cat plush toy hanging from the zip of my bag.

"That's a really cute cat," he said as he touched the toy. "Where did you buy it from?"

Hesitantly, I replied.

"Well, actually," I began. "It's a gift from Yukino-kun. He gave it to me a few weeks ago."

"Ah, I see," the boy replied, before turning away to look at the evening street scene through the window.

An uncomfortable silence fell between the both of us. I guess I shouldn't have brought Yukino-kun up. Perhaps I should have just told him that Ka-chan gave it to me, then we probably wouldn't have had to deal with such an awkward situation. I fidgeted for a while, before I found the courage to say what needed to be said.

"Kashiwagi-san," I muttered. "About just now, during the game. . . I'm really sorry for causing so much trouble. It was my fault, I should have restrained myself from losing my cool."

"Ah," the boy replied. "That was fine, I guess couples all fight from time to time, but they'll get back together sooner ir later."

"Yukino-kun must have been so angry at me," I whimpered guiltily. "I shouted at him and humiliated him in front of everyone."

Kashiwagi-san ran his fingers through his hair as he contemplated a response.

"Well," he finally said. "What's more important is that you apologise to him, if you felt like you were in the wrong. I'm sure things would work out. That boy may be quite brash but I'm sure he has a soft spot for you. He won't hate you, I'm sure of that."

"B-but," I replied. "I don't think I can bring myself to apologise to him. . ."

"Why not?" he questioned. "Didn't you just do so just now?"

"But that's different. . ." I said.

"You know, as long as you're truly sincere, no apology is insignificant. I guess that's the beauty of it," he told me, a warm smile on his face.

The other two dropped off at Showabashi station, so I made my way back by my own. Once I reached home, I treated myself to a long, relaxing bath, with hopes of it helping me to calm down. After I was refreshed, I slipped on my nightdress and climbed onto my bed. Nestled with my pillows and soft toys, my lights still switched on, I tried to rehearse an apology to Yukino-kun. I wasn't sure whether I should just wait until the next day when I met him in school, or if I should just drop him a call that instant. My phone was at the other side of the bed, and I kept stealing glances at it as I tried to make my decision.

"Should I call him, or should I wait until tomorrow?" I asked my teddy bear tucked away sweetly in the corner of my bed.

Of course, it did not respond.

"What do you think, Mr. Rabbit?" I asked the magenta toy sitting atop of my pillow.

Again, I received no response, obviously.

I was about to ask the puppy beside my toy bunny, but I was interrupted when my phone started vibrating. My heart jumped in my chest. I slowly reached out for the phone, and looked at who was calling me at this kind of hour. It was Yukino-kun.

I took a deep breath, my heart beating fast in my chest. Hoping for the best, I quickly accepted the call. As I placed the phone to my ear, I was greeted by silence on Yukino-kun's side as well. I didn't have the courage to say anything, so I stayed silent as well. I knew Yukino-kun was there, I could hear some background noise coming from his side, and I was sure he knew I was on the end as well. Nervously, I bit my lip.

"A-Ayano-chan?" Yukino-kun finally said after a while.

"Y-yes?" I answered, nervous.

"Y-you're not doing anything now right? If you are then. . . I'll call back later," the boy said from the other end.

"No, no," I replied. "I can talk to you now."

"That's great then," Yukino-kun said.

A short silence fell between the both of us, before my boyfriend spoke again.

"Ayano-chan," he said. "I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry about just now. I shouldn't have pushed you too far. It was my fault and I'm really sorr-"

He apologised, but I cut him short.

"It's my fault," I said to him. "I'm really sorry for just now, I shouldn't have done that," I blurted.

"I'm fine with it," he replied. "I hope you forgive me too."

"Of course," I replied, rather relieved.

The boy seemed relieved as well, for after another short silence, he began talking again, this time talking about what we usually talked about, what he did in the evening, and so on. He told me when he went back home he played with the cat again. I told him that I had miso and tofu ramen for dinner.

We continued talking for a while, and before long, my biting of my lips turned into smiles. It felt so nice to hear Yukino-kun's warm, sweet voice again. The voice that showered me in kindness and love. The voice that had always complimented me, yet at the same time criticised himself. The voice that would tell me that I was precious to him, but also the voice he used to threaten and yell at Kashiwagi-san.

As I talked to him that night on the phone, I felt a veil of ambivalence approaching me. My feelings about myself, my feelings about Yukino-kun, they were somehow somewhat peculiar now.

My feelings were all conflicted.