ANTECEDENT: CHAPTER 13

MIDNIGHT was finally discharged from the hospital at midnight, and despite their conversation being just as awkward as the last, Happy insisted on dragging him around and conversing with him as much as possible. She just wanted to connect to Midnight, so he wouldn't be alone anymore.

Midnight's expression may not reveal it, but he felt a deep sense of gratitude towards Happy. He only gets to experience a joyride like this with his big brother, now he was experiencing it with Happy, who could elicit the same emotion he had for his big brother.

While not as powerful as his bond with his big brother, it held the same feeling.

"Is there any you want to visit or things you want to buy?" Happy asked. She was in the passenger seat while Midnight was in the backseat. Silvanus was their driver.

Midnight shook his head to answer Happy.

"Do you want to buy food for Loki?" Happy asked again.

"No. Loki still has so many cat foods in my room."

Anyone who heard Midnight's flat, emotionless voice would immediately stop talking to him, but not Happy. She kept going.

"How about we buy some pet related stuff?"

Midnight was ready to shake his head, but then he saw the sincerity and anticipation in Happy's eyes. He found himself nodding. "Hmm. Let's do that."

Seeing Happy pleased that he agreed, he was surprised to find out that he didn't dislike it.

Midnight looked outside the car's window.

Is this what it feels like to have a little sister? He recalled hearing a researcher in the lab talk about having their sister and how they like making their sister happy. Was this it?

Midnight genuinely did not know. With his mother gone, he poured all his emotions into his big brother, unconcerned about anyone else. He was uncertain if it was possible to feel something towards other people, as his entire life had been spent with only his big brother by his side.

Feeling bothered, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone, hoping to distract himself. After aimlessly opening and closing apps, he stumbled into the 'Alone' app.

It had been days since he opened this app. Recalling his promise to the two old men in the house and to Silvanus, he didn't close the app and instead stayed, reading weird posts and comment.

Post (TooLazyToName): I'd been thinking of shooting someone today and I finally let my intrusive thoughts win. I shoot my roommate.

Update: He's still alive. Sad.

Post (404UsernameNotFound): I can't accept that my second personality is much cooler than me, the original.

Post (TickledP1nks): My butt hurts.

Post (IDontCarrotAll): Why are the posts in this app weird?

Midnight agreed with IDontCarrotAll, so he liked the post and then his gaze settled on the small number one on top of the message icon.

Someone sent him a message.

Frowning, he tapped the messages and saw one message from GodFavoredMe.

Midnight's frown deepened when he remembered who this was. Reluctantly, he opened this person's message.

GodFavoredMe: Are you okay?

GodFavoredMe: Do you want someone to talk to? I'm a good listener. Wanna try?

GodFavoredMe: Hey 👋🏻 are you there?

GodFavoredMe: "Sometimes, the silence of solitude is the loudest cry for freedom."—Here I edited it for you 😊.

GodFavoredMe: Did something happen to you? Are you okay? Did my post send you to an awful place? 😰

Midnight couldn't help furrowing his brows. It's been a few days. Shouldn't this person feel that he didn't want to speak to them by now?

However, his eyes were drawn to the 'edited' quote.

'Sometimes, the silence of solitude is the loudest cry for freedom.'

His lips thinned. It was indeed opposite to the one this person posted before.

He finds the quote real, so he replied, 'Okay.'

Maybe the person was online because the reply was fast.

GodFavoredMe: Nice! It seems you're okay. You got me worried for a bit there. Wait. You're okay, right?

He only read it and did not reply. He didn't feel like conversing with a stranger.

Midnight turned off his phone and continued listening to Happy and Silvanus, who were talking about some random things.

The two only stopped after arriving at the pet store.

He was once again dragged by Happy to buy anything cat related. It was kind of interesting, so he put everything that caught his interest in the cart and paid for it using Dominick's card.

Exiting the pet store, they drove to a local restaurant to eat, then went home afterwards.

"So? How's the outing?" Dominick asked Happy and Midnight.

"It was fun," Happy replied, then smiled at Midnight, "right, Night?"

Midnight blinked at Happy, then he nodded at Dominick. "Yeah. Fun."

Everyone could see that he did not have fun, but Happy was not offended. She was even secretly happy because that means Midnight lied for her sake, which could be taken as Midnight starting to care about her efforts to talk and get close to him.

"That's good." Dominick forced himself to appear elated for the sake of Midnight's 'lie'. "Klaus prepared a snack. Come on, let's eat."

"We just ate," Midnight said. "I'm going to my room—" before Midnight could finish, Dominick was already dragging him to the dining table.

Seeing Midnight's deadpan expression, Silvanus and Happy laughed because that was the same expression on Midnight's face the whole day.

Midnight was forced to stay at the dining table even when he's not eating. He could actually leave if he wanted to since no one was stopping him anymore, but seeing the lively atmosphere and the laughter that doesn't seem to end, he felt like staying in his room alone felt dull for some reason. So, he stayed.

"Come on, Night, tell a joke. I'm sure you have one." Dominick was urging Knight to join in the conversation and laughter.

Being cued like this, a deep longing to be part of something kindled inside him before it quickly dissipates, leaving only a glimmer of spark.

"Why don't skeletons fight each other?"

Midnight, suddenly asking about skeletons, confused the four people at the table until they realize it must be a part of a joke.

"Why?" Silvanus was the one who asked.

"Because they don't have the guts."

Dominick, who was drinking juice, choked and coughed because of the sudden laughter that escaped his mouth.

Happy felt so shallow because she actually laughed at that joke.

Meanwhile, Klaus was clapping as if Midnight reserve a Nobel prize. "Brilliant, little lord. Fantastic joke."

Silvanus, on the other hand, was chuckling softly because he genuinely found the joke funny.

"Do you have more jokes, kid?" Dominick asked after his choking fit.

Midnight nodded and, with a bland expression, he told a joke. "What do you call a bear with no teeth?"

Klaus frowned. "What?"

"A gummy bear."

Happy snorted with laughter while Dominick looked at Midnight flatly.

"Really, kid? Don't you have something funnier?"

Midnight felt challenged, so he told another joke. "Why did the bicycle fall over?"

"Why?"

"Because it was two-tired."

The first to laugh was Silvanus, while the three had an 'I'm loading' expression on their faces for a few seconds before they finally get the joke.

Dominick narrowed his eyes at Midnight. "Kid, I don't want to use my brain when listening to a joke. Give me something funny and easy to understand."

"Why did the coffee file a police report?"

"Why?"

"It got mugged."

Dominick gave a short laugh before restraining himself. "Anymore?"

Midnight narrowed his eyes at Dominick. "How about you make a joke, too?"

"Alright." Dominick cleared his throat and looked at Midnight as if the joke was only meant for him. "What comes after 69?"

Silvanus and Klaus facepalmed when they heard it. Meanwhile, Happy tilted her head to the side, curious. As for Midnight, he immediately answered.

"70."

Dominick looked at Midnight flatly before turning to Happy. "Princess, cover your ears for a bit."

Happy was curious, but still listened.

After making sure that his daughter's ears were covered, Dominick answered Midnight. "Wrong. It's mouthwash."

Everyone could see the confusion in Midnight's face and the 'huh?' in his eyes.

Dominick shook his head. "Kid, you have so much to learn. Let this handsome man teach you what it is—"

Silvanus abruptly stood up and hurriedly walked to Midnight's side to cover Midnight's ears. "How about you keep your indecency to yourself? Don't teach the kid bad things."

Dominick just snorted, but did not continue. He realized Silvanus was right. Midnight was indeed a child—mentally.

"Can I uncover my ears now?" Happy asked.

Dominick nodded, and the table went back to normal as Silvanus returned to his seat.

However, Midnight suddenly asked. "What exactly comes after 69?"

Happy, who was as clueless and inexperience as Midnight in that regard, answered. "70, right?"

The three who knew the real answer nodded simultaneously.

Happy and Midnight shared a look, then they both shrugged. There was a suspicious air around the three, but their answer was right, so they let it go.

"Whew." Dominick wiped his non-existent brow sweat as he breathe in relief.

Shortly after, the snack was finished, and Midnight went to his bedroom. Loki greeted him with a soft 'meow' and then went back to sleeping on his bed.

Midnight realized it now. He had a lazy cat. Constantly sleeping and not even making an effort to move.

Walking towards the bed, Midnight took off his shirt then throw himself face down on the mattress.

Loki was startled by the force, but immediately calm down when it saw Midnight lying beside it.

Seeing the cat calm down, Midnight reached out to softly play with the cat's hair on its back. It was soft and warm. It felt really nice and comfortable to play with.

He didn't know how long he played with the cat's hair when he felt his head throbbed. It was painful, but not even a grimace could be seen on his face.

However, as the pain became worse and worse, he started becoming agitated. He wanted something to do to get his mind off the pain.

He grabbed his phone and, for some reason, he opened that weird app again. And the first thing he saw was a post from GodFavoredMe.

GodFavoredMe: You can be happy alone. Remember that.

Midnight, who was alone most of his life, could not relate to those words.

Why is this person so positive? If only he could unfollow this person, but unfortunately, there was no unfollow button on this app.

What a shitty app.

With a frown, Midnight tapped GodFavoredMe profile to see if this person posted other stuff. Just what kind of sunshine and rainbow life this did this person have to be able to post such things?

He scrolled down and skimmed through GodFavoredMe posts. It's all about positivity and loving life.

Midnight was close to exiting the app and deleting it all together when he noticed that GodFavoredMe posts a few months back were dark and filled with undisguised pain.

He checked the date of the first positive post and the last dark post that person posted.

There was a more than a year gap.

GodFavoredMe: Pain was inevitable. Suffering is my choice.

GodFavoredMe: It should have been me in that grave. Not you.

Midnight scrolled down to the bottom, to the very first post this person made.

GodFavoredMe: I'm exhausted. I want to die.

Midnight stared at that post. Of all the posts he read, this was the post that resonated with him the most. For the first time, he could feel the agony of each word because he felt the same way.

He couldn't help tapping the like button.

Unsurprisingly, he received a message from GodFavoredMe after a few seconds.

GodFavoredMe: Have a good rest, then fight another day.

He stared at that message for a full minute before closing the app and then closing his eyes to rest.

With his throbbing head, how could he sleep? But his eyes remained close, and he forced himself to rest.

After a while, he found himself crawling off the bed to go to the bathroom to vomit on the sink. His head was in so much pain that he felt nauseous and exhausted. He then went back to his head, took a medicine for his headache, and laid himself on the bed.

Midnight didn't know how and when he fell asleep, but he did, and what welcomed him was a long, torturous nightmare that he couldn't remember after waking up.

However, today was psychotherapy day. He didn't want to miss it because of his headache and nightmares that left him sweating in fear.

After feeding Loki and cleaning its poop in the litter box, he took a bath and went down to the dining room.

After an uneventful breakfast, he had a psychotherapy with Silvanus. They occupied the same room as before with medical devices to monitor his condition.

Soon after he was hooked up to those devices, he heard Silvanus' calm voice, and he once again found himself surrounded by darkness with a steel door behind him.

Even though he was used to being here, that fear and uncomfortable feeling hadn't disappeared. It remained, as if his whole being would crumble if he did not feel those emotions.

This time around, when he opened the door, there were only three doors left in the hallway.

Unlike last time, when he was surprised, Midnight remained calm this time. "There's only three doors left."

"That's good." Silvanus said, while observing Midnight's emotional response. "That's a great sign. Now, please open the door nearest to you. I want you to brace yourself and be ready for what you'll see inside. I also want you to remain calm. Whatever is inside is just a memory. It's in the past."

"Hmm. Okay."

Midnight placed his hand on the doorknob and twist it open.

Maybe because he was ready or was it because this part of the laboratory had no strong impact on him, what he saw inside evoked nothing from him even though the feeling was the same as the last door—it was in a first point of view.

"Describe to me what you are seeing."

Midnight answered indifferently as his body uncontrollably moves to train for combat. "I'm training. I'm alone, but I could feel a lot of eyes on me."

"What are you training for?"

"To kill."

"How do you train?" Silvanus asked, sounding curious.

Midnight looked at the array of weapons on the long table. "I have to train my strength, dexterity, reflexes, and stamina. I also face my fear here."

Silvanus immediately identified the word that needed to be explored. "Can you tell me about your fear?"

Midnight was silent the whole minute. And his silence clearly conveyed his desire not to disclose it.

Thus, Silvanus changed his approach. "Since you face your fear in that place, was the result satisfactory?"

Midnight remained silent and Silvanus took it as a no. That means Midnight was not the most perfect "product" from that laboratory, or he may be the first "close to perfect" result they got.

"What do you fear the most, Knight?" Silvanus used 'Knight' to call Midnight to not disrupt his brain. "What is it that makes someone like you, who was trained to be a perfect soldier, fear the most?"

Silvanus thought Midnight would never answer until he heard him whisper.

"Losing the reason to live."

Silvanus stilled and was speechless. He understood Midnight's reason to live—to protect his brother. That means what he feared the most was losing his big brother, his only anchor in this world that took everything away from him, including his identity.

"You will find more reason to live moving forward." Silvanus said. "Hang in there. You will find your own people someday—people you'll call family. Remember, family is more than blood. It is the people who stand by you, who care for you and who make your life whole. Keep in mind, some family you're born with, some you find along the way. And you have a long way to go, Midnight."

At the mention of his name, the machine hooked to Midnight started beeping urgently and loudly.

Silvanus immediately woke Midnight up and the moment Midnight came back to the present, his head felt like it was breaking into pieces. He was trembling in so much pain.

Only a muffled groan of pain escaped his lips and blood running down his nose. He didn't make a sound after that and just clutched his head as if if he let go, his entire skull would explode.

Silvanus moved fast. Seeing Midnight's condition, he first grab a pack of tissue for Midnight's nosebleed and then forcefully fed him a medicine for his headache.

He felt guilty. Calling Midnight by his real name, it was a deliberate action from him. He wanted to test the waters to find out how Midnight brain would react. And he was now seeing the result of that test.

Midnight's brain was rejecting his own identity. It was an unconscious response to more than a decade of intense brainwashing and concealed severe trauma.

"Breath, Midnight. Breath. Focus on my voice. Breath through the nose and exhale through the mouth. 1,2,3. Breath. Yes. Like that. You're doing great. It'll be fine... you'll be fine."

With the help of the medicine and Silvanus' soothing, Midnight's headache gradually lessens a bit, but his temple was still throbbing and pounding painfully. But it had become bearable.

Noting Midnight's condition slowly stabilizing, Silvanus let out a relieve breath. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to know how your mind would react if I called you by your name." He sighed. "I didn't know it'll reject your own identity to this extreme."

Midnight's lips thinned as he holds a tissue over his bleeding nose. "What..." he turned to look at Silvanus, "what did they do to me?"

Faced with that earnest question laced with disquietude, Silvanus had to give him an answer. "This is just my theory. Take this with a grain of salt. This is based on my observation throughout our psychotherapy and also the result of your brain scans." He paused to give Midnight a time to ready himself. "The psychological damage that has been done to you was immense and I'm afraid that even after all this, you may not be able to recover fully." Silvanus quickly added, "but this is just my initial analysis. This is not hundred percent certain. Things could change. I just want you to be aware of your condition."

Midnight's expression did not change. There was no reaction, but if one would look closely, they would see his fist clenching tightly until it turned white with force.

After a while, he responded to Silvanus. "It's okay. I just want to know what they did to me. Recovery is the least of my concern."

Silvanus' lips parted. "There might be a chance—"

"Let's focus on uncovering my memories." Midnight actually did not hold even a sliver of hope for his recovery, so he wasn't disappointed. "Just now, before you woke me up. I saw a glass of liquid on the table. The color was light red, and I remember drinking it every day. But I don't have a memory of drinking that liquid prior to this and I don't know what it is. I just want to tell you, just in case."

Silvanus nodded and noted it on the tablet before looking up at Midnight again. "You said just now that recovery is not your priority. I want to ask... do you still want your soul back or have you given up?"

Midnight stilled then he looked at the ceiling, lost in thought as he whispered, "you said I don't have a chance..."

"That's just my initial analysis. We're not even halfway through our psychotherapy. Things can change...for the better. Don't give up yet. If worse comes to worst, I can forcibly repress all those bad things that had been done to you... but it'll cost you."

Midnight pressed his lips together. "What if I can't afford it?"

Silvanus took a deep breath and exhaled. "You can. However, you must bet your sanity for it.

Midnight closed his eyes. With a throbbing headache, he decided. "Alright. I'll bet my own sanity. That's all I have, anyway."

CECELIB | C.C.