I finally walk through the door of my apartment, and it feels like stepping into another world. The weight of the hospital, with all its chaos and noise, falls away the moment I cross the threshold. The silence is almost jarring after hours of beeping monitors, hurried footsteps, and the constant hum of activity that never truly stops. But here, in this small, one-bedroom apartment, it's just me.

I drop my bag by the door and kick off my shoes, wiggling my toes as they finally escape the confines of my sneakers. My feet ache in that familiar, dull way they always do after a double shift, but I'm used to it. Pain and exhaustion are just part of the job, and I've learned to live with them. Still, there's a sense of relief that washes over me as I pad barefoot across the wooden floor, feeling the coolness of it against my skin.

My apartment is small, but it's mine. The walls are painted a soft, calming gray, and the furniture is simple but comfortable—a cozy couch, a low coffee table cluttered with magazines and a few stray books, and a bookshelf that's overflowing with medical journals and novels I haven't had time to read yet. The large window in the living room faces the city, offering a view of the skyline that always makes me feel a little more connected to the world outside the hospital.

I head straight for the bathroom, peeling off my clothes as I go. The steam from the shower is already beginning to fog up the mirror, and I catch a glimpse of myself in it. I look like I've been through hell, but then again, that's not far from the truth.

The hot water hits my skin, and I let out a sigh of relief, tipping my head back to let the warmth seep into my muscles. I close my eyes, letting the water wash away the day, the tension, the lingering thoughts that won't seem to leave me alone. It's just me and the sound of the water now, drowning out everything else.

But even as I try to relax, my mind keeps drifting back to the conversation I had with Declan. Or rather, the question he asked—the one I haven't been able to stop thinking about since he asked it.

"Would you like to go out sometime?"

His words replay in my head, over and over, like a broken record. There's a part of me that wants to say yes, that wants to take that leap and see where it could go. Declan is handsome, charming, and there's something about him that makes me feel safe in a way I can't quite explain. But then there's the other part of me—the one that's more cautious, more practical. The one that keeps reminding me that we basically work together. The hospital isn't big enough to avoid awkwardness if things don't work out with Declan.

And awkward is the last thing I need in my life right now. Or ever.

I open my eyes and reach for the shampoo, working it through my hair as I try to sort through my thoughts. It's not just the potential awkwardness that's holding me back, though. It's something more, something deeper that I haven't quite put my finger on yet.

Maybe it's because I've been so focused on work for so long that I've forgotten how to let someone else into my life. Or maybe it's because I've been burned before, and the idea of putting myself out there again—of risking my heart—is more terrifying than I'm willing to admit. I'm not even sure I know how to be with someone anymore, not in the way that matters.

The water rinses the shampoo from my hair, and I lean against the cool tiles, letting the water cascade over me. Declan is a good guy. He's kind, thoughtful, and he's made it clear that he's interested in me. And yet... I hesitate.

Maybe it's because I know how complicated things can get when you mix work and romance. I've seen it happen before—colleagues who started dating, only to have it end badly, leaving tension and discomfort in their wake. The last thing I want is to end up avoiding Declan at work because things didn't pan out between us. I've worked hard to build a life that's steady, predictable, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to shake that up.

But then there's the other side of it—the side that wonders what if. What if this could be something real? What if I'm letting fear hold me back from something that could actually make me happy?

I turn off the shower, stepping out onto the bathmat and wrapping myself in a towel. The steam in the bathroom is thick, and I wipe a hand across the mirror, revealing my reflection once more. I look into my own eyes, searching for answers, but all I see is the same uncertainty that's been plaguing me since Declan asked me out.

Maybe a little yoga will help clear my head.

I step into the bedroom, slipping into a pair of soft leggings and a tank top, the kind of outfit that's perfect for stretching out on the mat. My bedroom is just as simple as the rest of my apartment—a queen-sized bed with a soft, white duvet, a nightstand with a lamp and a few books, and a small dresser. It's a calming space, one that I've tried to keep free of the chaos that seems to follow me everywhere else.

I grab my yoga mat from the corner of the room and unroll it in front of the large window that overlooks the city. The view from here is incredible, especially at night when the city lights up like a thousand tiny stars. But even in the early morning light, there's something about it that soothes me, that reminds me that there's more to life than just the walls of the hospital.

I settle onto the mat, crossing my legs and closing my eyes, taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly. The familiar rhythm of my breath begins to ground me, and I start to move through a series of stretches, letting my body flow through the motions. Yoga has always been my escape, my way of reconnecting with myself after a long day—or in this case, a long night.

As I move through the poses, my thoughts begin to settle, the chaos in my mind quieting just a bit. But Declan's question still lingers, hovering at the edges of my consciousness, refusing to be ignored.

What do I really want?

The truth is, I don't know. I've spent so much time focused on my career, on being the best nurse I can be, that I've lost sight of what it means to want something for myself. I've pushed aside my own needs, my own desires, in favor of the job. And now, when faced with the possibility of something more, I'm not sure how to handle it.

I move into a downward dog, feeling the stretch in my hamstrings as I press my heels into the mat. I can't deny that there's a part of me that's drawn to Declan, that's curious about what it would be like to go out with him, to see where things could go. But there's also a part of me that's terrified of what might happen if I let him in.

I move through the rest of the poses, my body flowing easily from one to the next, but my mind is still restless, still turning over the possibilities, the risks. I've always been cautious, always careful not to let anyone get too close. It's safer that way, less messy. But safe and predictable don't lead to happiness, do they?

Take my best friend, Emersyn, for example. She went through a brutal breakup last year with her long-term boyfriend—a split that, honestly, should have happened much sooner. The guy was a complete jerk, always putting her down, making her feel like she was less than she deserved to be. But that's beside the point. When it finally ended, she was devastated. Heartbroken. I remember watching her try to piece herself back together, hesitant to let anyone else in, afraid of getting hurt again. I can't blame her. After a relationship like that, who wouldn't be?

But then, somehow, she did it. Not only did she find love again, she found it four times over. Four men. I couldn't believe it when she first told me. I was concerned, to say the least. Four men, all roommates, vying for her attention? It sounded like a disaster waiting to happen, like the kind of messy situation you'd only see in the most ridiculous of romance novels. I worried about her, about what it would do to her if it all fell apart.

But it didn't. Against all odds, they made it work. They didn't just survive the chaos; they thrived in it. They've managed to create something beautiful, something I didn't even think was possible. They live, and love, as a unit, each one of them giving her what she needs in a way that's completely unique. Watching her with them, seeing how happy she is, has made me question everything I thought I knew about relationships. Maybe love isn't as simple or as conventional as I always believed. Maybe it doesn't have to be.

I finish the session with a long, deep stretch, my arms reaching above my head as I take a final breath in and out. I stay there for a moment, feeling the calmness settle over me, even if my mind is still far from clear.

Maybe I'm overthinking this. Maybe I just need to take a chance, see where it leads. But that's easier said than done when I've spent so long keeping everyone at a distance.

I roll up my mat and put it back in the corner of the room, feeling the weight of the decision pressing down on me. It's not just about Declan—it's about letting go of the fear that's been holding me back for so long. But how do you let go of something that's become so ingrained in who you are?

I step over to the window, looking out at the city below. The sun is higher in the sky now, casting a warm glow over the buildings. It's a new day, a day where I don't have to rush off to work, a day where I can take my time and figure out what I really want.

I think about Declan, about the way his smile makes my heart skip a beat, about the way he looks at me like he sees something more than just the tired nurse who's always on the move. I sigh, leaning my forehead against the cool glass of the window. Maybe the answer isn't as complicated as I'm making it out to be. Maybe it's just about taking a step forward, seeing where it leads, and trusting that I'll figure it out along the way.

I turn away from the window and head back to the bathroom, feeling the need to wash away the lingering uncertainty. I splash some cold water on my face, the shock of it clearing my mind for just a moment.

I can't keep living in this limbo, constantly wondering what if. I need to make a decision, even if it's just a small one. Maybe that's where I start—by saying yes to Declan, by seeing where it leads. And if it doesn't work out, I'll deal with it then.

I dry my face and head back to the bedroom, the decision made but still settling into my bones. It's not a perfect solution, but it's a start. And right now, that's all I can ask for.

I crawl into bed, pulling the soft duvet up around me as I settle in. My body is tired, my mind is still whirring, but there's a sense of calm that I haven't felt in a long time. Maybe it's the yoga, maybe it's the decision I've made, or maybe it's just the knowledge that I have the day off tomorrow and don't have to face the hospital for another twenty-four hours.

As I close my eyes, I let my thoughts drift back to Declan, to the way his eyes light up when he smiles, to the way he seems to genuinely care about me. It's a good feeling, one that I'm not used to but one that I think I could get used to.

And maybe it's worth the risk.