I might need a break.😁

Unedited.

*****

Sadiqu couldn't believe his eyes. To him, it was the most shocking news in the history of his life ever. He sat upright, re-read the message again. Zoomed the picture and confirmed he was seeing it clear.

He then pinched himself comically, slap his face and stood up. It was still the reality.

Nazeer was gone.

He has died. That too, he committed suicide. He took his own life. How unwise of him.

Him and Nazeer had chatted just yesterday and Nazeer seemed disturbed. Sadiqu had talked to him and told him everything would be fine. He had even promised to go and see Nazeer when he's out of the camp. So at that time, Nazeer was only listening to him but he had already decided to end his life, right? Sadiqu kept on knitting and unstitching possibilities. Why would Nazeer take this harsh decision? What got into his mind?

Hot tears streamed down his face. He began to sob with all the energy in his system. The memories they shared all came rushing to his head. Nazeer was a nice guy, so calm and collected when they first met. He had told him all that happened before he came.

Sadiqu knew it was the same reason that made Nazeer committed suicide. He knew depression was real and it kills but it wasn't enough reason.

What was the purpose of sending down the Quran if mankind won't use it as a guidance? Allah said he sent in the Quran what is cure for the mankind. Has Nazeer forgot about this?

And with the remembrance of Allah do heart get reassured. Where did Nazeer discarded all his knowledge? What got so intense to this extent? Sadiqu couldn't stop sobbing. Nazeer's death pierced a part of his heart. It left the pieces bleeding.

May the soul of every believer rest in peace.

Sadiqu was sobbing when a knock came on his door. He couldn't say come in, instead he just opened the door more wider for whoever it was.

Mimi stood by the door, dressed in the uniform, looking so beautiful. It took her some minutes of thought before she went in. She was about to start ranting when she noticed he was crying.

"Ya rabbi. What happened?" She squatted before him. Sadiqu shoved his phone to her. She read it and understood what happened although she had no idea who Nazeer was.

"May his soul rest in peace. He's in a better place in sha Allah."

"But he committed suicide and the punishment for that is clear Mimi. I wish I was there with him. I really wanted him to change but now..." Sadiqu lost it. Mimi had never seen someone broke down like that.

"No, you can't rule out. It's between him and Allah. He might have regret immediately, who knows? Allah is the most merciful and may forgive him. Remember you said to me no one will enter Jannah with his deeds except with Allah's mercy. So, please worry less. Let's pray for him. Let's pray Allah forgives him. He forgive whom He wills and Torment whom He wills. He's in a better place." Sadiqu was surprised to the core. The rate at which Mimi was catching up was so astonishing.

He couldn't help but get more emotional. Mimi was hapless. The sight of Sadiqu sobbing broke her from within and outside. On reflex, she wrapped her arms around him. At first, Sadiqu was reluctant, perhaps weighing the act up and down. Crossing the big line, he gave in to the hug.

They stayed still until when their senses came back to them. Mimi quickly released him and trudged out crying.

What has she done? Hug a man? She has never did that in her life. Atleast not in her senses. Immediately she left, sense finished dawning on Sadiqu.

What?

They hugged. Ya Allah, that's so crazy of them. And then he remembered something. The saying was 'if a man's bone and a woman's bone were to thrown into a field, they will attract.'

Atop it all, the messenger of Allah (SAW) said if a man and woman were to seclude, the third of them is the Satan.

Sadiqu buried his head under his pillow. The feeling in his heart wanted him to do it again. Another one was reprimanding him. He felt something bitter in his mouth. What he did was wrong. That's a fact he couldn't deny.

He decided to go and apologize to Mimi. Because, if he had refused, they won't have done so.

May Allah forgives us all.

****

Hajiya Sadiya regained her consciousness late in the night. She slowly opened her eyes wishing it was all a dream.

She could still see the image of Nazeer when they rushed him to the hospital. His mouth was oozing of foam while he clutched his stomach. Hajiya Sadiya had noticed the bottle of sniper before they left for the hospital.

While at the hospital, they had roamed about the premises muttering every prayer that came to their mind.

They had waited in suspense till when the doctor came out with a sagged look on his face.

Hajiya Sadiya still remembered the way the doctor announced the death of her beloved son.

'The poison has already circulated his system and can't be flushed. We couldn't rescue him. Ya riga mu gidan gaskiya." The doctor had said in sympathy. Right there, she fell unconscious until now when she woke up feeling lightheaded.

A cry with a short and sudden expulsion of breath escaped her lips.

"Mammy, please have some patience." Jannah held her hand. Alhaji Omar wasn't at the hospital. He was back home receiving condolences.

"I found this in his room Mammy." Jannah showed her a clean envelope with Nazeer's neat handwriting on it. It reminded her of so many memories. One of which was, the time he wrote an apology letter in form of a poem to her when she was onced angry with him.

'Mammy, Mammy.
Beautiful Mammy.
Caring Mammy.
Loving Mammy.
Forgiving Mammy.

Will you forgive your beloved?
Nazeer is sorry.
Nazeer has regret hurting you.

Forgive me Mammy.'

That time, he was only twelve. Her heart twisted painfully. The memory used to bring a smile to her face. Now, she could only feel pain.

Again, she remembered saying she would never forgive him. She remembered; the way he held her leg but she kicked him. The way he sent text messages to her for days. The time she always roar at him when he came to greet her. She remembered saying 'Allah ya isa' to him. That was the worst of all.

Jannah sniffed and unfold the envelope. She was going to read it to see if Nazeer has a wish or something.

Assalamu alaikum. I know by the time you will see this, I am already beneath the soil. Perhaps snakes have started feeding on my body. Or maybe I've started receiving torments by the angels. Who knows. I write this with a shaking hand knowing that this is the most psychopathic decision one would ever make.

Abba, if you're not the one reading this, then this letter is to you. The person should give it to you.

You've been our role model, our strongest pillar, providing us with all we need and want. If you could remember, on one fateful night I came to you crying— that I want to study abroad. You asked me if I was really sure. There was hesitancy in my voice when I said yes. You further asked me if there was problem of any sort but I said there wasn't. I only wanted to fly out of the country.

You took your time, showing me the disadvantage of leaving my halfdone studies behind and flying out to start afresh. You showed me how it would affect you financially but still I stood on my ground. I can still remember the disappointed look on your face. How I wished you persisted, I would have told you I was blackmailed by Mammy. While you read this paragraph don't hold any grudge on her please. I hope someday Mammy will realise she's done a lot of wrong things.

I was highly disappointed in my self yet I took a lot of courage to come back to you and announced the heartpiercing news to you. As expected, you chased us away. It was understandable.

When I came back, you said I should leave but at long last you accepted my apology. I'm forever grateful. May Allah grant you the highest rank in Jannah.

To Mammy,

Although I am gone, I will still ask for your forgiveness. You may or may not be regretting. Who knows? Allah alone.

I realised I did you wrong and failed you but atleast you shouldn't say what you said to me. What you said was what made me took the decision of ending my life. Because, to me, my life is baseless. Why will I continue surviving whilst I know I will only suffer because you have disowned me. You cursed the day you born me. I think that's the hardest luck one will ever encounter in his life.

I'm still saying it nonetheless, please do forgive me, Allah may have mercy on me due to your prayer. I know I'm going to die as a kaafir because I took the life Allah prohibited but Allah is Ghafur-Arraheem, He is the most merciful, He might forgive me. Please do pray for me. Perhaps Allah might forgive me as I'm already regretting doing this but it's late, my stomach have started aching.

My dear sisters, I know this will leave you terrified, the news of my death will be forever be the worst in the history of your lives. I'm sorry I had to do this. I am sorry. I really am. Just pray for me.

Abba, Mammy, I still love you. May Allah grant you Jannah.

With love,
Nazeer.
No, late Nazeer.

Jannah neatly folded the paper, she took her mother's palm in hers and put the envelope in it. Without saying another word, she exited the room trying to muffle her cries.

*****

"Where are you coming from?" Inna thundered at Jameel. He only looked at her for a few seconds before he hurried to his room. He needed some space to clear off his mind after what happened the other day.

He also had no explanations to give Inna. So, keeping quiet was the best solution at the moment. He couldn't believe what all happened. Jameel slumped on his mattress like a junk of laundry.

How was he going to escape from this? He really can't be staying at the jungle as though he was an animal. He also couldn't stay amidst armed people. What to do?

"Jameelu!" He heard Inna's footsteps approaching his room. He decided to form a lie so that she would leave him alone.

"Inna come in." He said, in a low voice that carried all the weight of his confusion.

"Where have you been for two days?" She was extremely worried and Jameel could see care and cautiousness etched on her face. It's of no use. He thought.

"We didn't finish lecture on time, so I feared coming back so late that's why I passed the night in the sheikh's house." He ducked his head low.

"Don't try it again. No matter how late it is, come back home early." Jameel nodded.

"I heard a salam by the door. Go and see who is it." They came out of the room together. Once out, Jameel went to see who was by the door only to see his Shiekh. His heart pounded in his chest, it threatened to come out of it's boundary. How did the man knew his house?

"Should I come in or go back?" Jameel paved the way in for him. After exchange of pleasantries with Inna, he began to say what brought him.

"This few days, we're going on Da'awa (calling people to Islam.) And we normally choose some candidates from our students. I'm glad to say Jameel was chosen and from now on, he would be with us with your consent in sha Allah. He will be coming to see you time to time in sha Allah."

Since the man began talking, Jameel began to feel sickish. He knew it meant going back to that thick forest. Oh lord what could he do about this.

May Inna say no. He silently prayed.

"Masha Allah. Why will I refuse? You have my blessings. May Allah reward you people. Son, be free." She said with gleam.

"Go and get ready, we're going there." The man told Jameel. It was as if Jameel was seized of his speaking department because he couldn't talk. He only got up and entered his room. Jameel wanted someone to speak to. He tried Sadiqu's number but it was unreachable. He hissed disappointedly and trudged out.

When they were walking along the streets, down to the corner where the school was located, he decided to run away. Somewhere far beyond everyone's reach. And so he monitored the sheikh until when he felt like the sheikh wasn't looking at him. He began running as fast as his legs could carry him. The Shiekh smiled, and watched Jameel vanished.

******

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