[Lucy]

The outdoors never felt so good.

I settled my back against the chair and let the sunshine caressed and touched my face. I opened my hands and let the sunshine do its effect.

Maybe if I was here alone, if it was quiet enough, I wouldn't think of anything, I wouldn't suffer or I wouldn't be so stressed out.

"Lucy!" I heard the voice of my mother and my fantasy of being alone disappears.

My eyes fluttered open and I focused my vision to the light. Mom walked towards me with a boy I've never seen. I wanted to cover my face and run away. This is so embarrassing.

"Lucinda, get up," Mom said and I obeyed.

I tried to smile and the boy did the same. I'm sure he is also feeling uncomfortable. He is young and I guess we have the same age.

"Lucinda, this is Zac, he is the son of Dr. Mawson."

"It's nice to meet you," Zac kissed my cheek and I was planning to stretch my hand.

"He wants to be a doctor and he has your age," Lily said and then stepped back before leaving us.

Zac and I looked uncomfortable and we both sat down.

"My mom always does the same, I'm sorry," I mumbled without looking at him, I'm ashamed due to whole the situation.

"It's okay, my dad does that too," Zac nodded and he has beautiful eyes.

"You can go if you want," I said as I settled back in my seat.

Maybe he doesn't want to stay and it is best to clarify it right now, it doesn't bother me at all if he leaves.

"Can I stay? My father is new and this is our first wedding here and I don't know anyone. "

"To be honest I don't know anyone either," I shrugged my shoulders.

"Would you like wine or something?"

"Hm, okay."

"I'll go," he said before I could get up. The boy left and now I'm alone again.

It is the wedding of a friend of my mother, the woman is from the hospital. I am very lonely because Madison is working.

I wanted to use a formal trouser but Mom made ​​me wear a white dress as hers.

I'm not comfortable here because I don't know anyone, there are girls and boys of my age but some seem to know each other and others mixed with the adults. However I don't belong to any group and I don't want to. Being here is not the best but it's something. It is very quiet and I have the view of a beautiful garden.

I took a walk around the garden when I arrived and the daisies were the first thing I saw. Of course it reminded me of Harry and what he said. This time I didn't cry or freaked out because I've done it enough and because I'm in a public place. Plus, I don't want my mother to find out about what is happening.

I see Zac walking towards me and I have no idea what we are going to talk. My mom introduced him because she is clearly trying to get me a boyfriend. But I don't want this, I want Harry but I also want time and peace.

"Red wine," he said and I grabbed the cup.

"Thank you. So, do you like the city? You have many friends?"

"Yes, I like it and I have a couple of friends, what about you?"

"The same."

Awkward silence. I really wish I had a good company because this event has lasted a long time. I wish Harry was here but at the same time I don't. I'd like to see how he would act, how he would move, whether he would be kind to me, if he would grab my hand or hug me.

"Lucinda?" Zac tilted his head to the side and I looked at him.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said your dress was cute."

"Thanks," I replied and drank wine.

Zac was uncomfortable and I don't blame him because I can't make a conversation. A couple of seconds later Zac excuse himself, said he would go to the bathroom and I don't think he is coming back.

I am not able to chat with someone right now. Actually, I'm not very good making conversation with guys except for Adam and Marcel. I cannot believe I can establish a conversation with Harry. I don't know how I did it first when it all began. He is so cute and he made me feel so nervous and he still does.

My free hand rested against the pocket of my cardigan and there's the letter. It's beautiful, precious. There are no words that can help me to explain. I can't describe how I felt when I read it. The words he wrote, I can see how he opened up to do the letter and thinking about that melts my heart.

I loved every part of it and I was very sensible in each paragraph. He sounded very mature, I can't believe it and I wonder what is going on in his head, how did he get there.

I cried throughout the letter, without exception, but when I read 'yours' my heart couldn't take it. It was a small detail, for some it may seem insignificant but for me it was a wonderful detail.

I remember what he wrote about me. My fingers touch my cheeks and I think about my freckles and I can't help this little feeling of happiness. He likes it.

This letter definitely sent me hope but there is always the bad side, there is always the hard part. I don't know if I'll be able to get over it, to put it away, turning it off and then open the door for him. Everything is very difficult and there are barriers to overcome.

I took out the letter from my pocket and began to read it again. Maybe if I dig far enough into the paragraphs, the lines, and in his words I may leave my insecurities aside or I could say goodbye.

"Hm, hi again."

I looked up and it was Zac, I didn't think he would return but now he is here I have an idea.

"Sorry for taking so long," He sat down and his eyes fell on my face.

"You're a guy."

"I'm glad you noticed," Zac smiled and I did too. "What's that?" He pointed out to the paper between my fingers.

"A letter. A guy wrote me a letter and no one had done it before, "I confessed and he nodded. "Can I ask your opinion?"

"Go ahead," he accepted and drank more wine.

I also took a sip of my wine before starting the conversation.

"We were together but something terrible happened, I don't want to talk about it because it's really sad. The thing is that from there I thought I couldn't trust him. It's been a while, we talk sometimes and we have to work together and a few days ago he came out of nowhere and declared his love for me. It was all too confusing and I am so lost and I don't know what to do. He made ​​me believe that what we had before was fake and that hurt a lot and now he said that confession and it is very difficult for me. "

"Do you still like him?"

"I wouldn't be talking about this if I didn't feel anything for him," I shrugged. "I do, but I feel it's really hard.I don't want to make a mistake, I don't want to be fooled again, and I don't want to be part of a game. It scares me, a lot. "

"It's okay," Zac put his hand on my shoulder and I tried to hold back my tears. "I get it,  can I see the letter?"

"Yes," I handed the paper. There was nothing very personal there. "Do you think it's real?  Does he sound real? For me he is more mature, more different but in a good way."

Zac didn't answer. He finished reading the letter first and then turned the page and handed it to me.

"If I were a girl I would probably be squealing, full of excitement," Zac spoke with a smile and I could not help but laughing. "It's very...beautiful. From what I read he seems like he really regret everything. Look, for most guys...hm, it's really hard to show our feelings but this guy has done it very well, maybe it was too difficult for him too and you should appreciate that. I think Harry is really in love with you, for the way he wrote it. "

"As a boy, you really think so?"

Zac nodded and I clasped my hands.

"You should be proud, for the circumstances in which he has fallen in love with you. Reading this letter this guy sounds crazy for you. That is a great achievement," Zac told me and my cheeks grew crimson. "One tip, if he did this letter he can do way better. If he did something terrible you need to be difficult, he needs to suffer a bit, go slow but don't ignore him. You need to balance and not give yourself so fast, you know? "

"Fine, I understand."

I know that Zac is a complete stranger but it's a boy and his opinion as a man was important. I believe in his words though I knew it already. I guess I told him about this because I wanted an opinion close to mine.

I guess its settled, I want Harry but I want to take my time.

"Have you talked to him about the letter?"

"No, I don't know how. I'm afraid to see him and cry because this is still unreal to me. "

"You should send a message. He needs signals, if you appreciate what he does he will keep doing it and that's what you want, right? "

"Yes, I want to see how far he goes because he has never done something like this."

 "Send a message, he needs to know that you're not ignoring him. He needs a motivation."

I grabbed my phone and thought about what I can say.

"Something simple," Zac said next to me with his ​​eyes on the cell.

To: Harry

Thanks for the letter, I have no words to describe how beautiful it is.

"That's fine. Don't start talking about your feelings so early and don't mention it if you send messages, that will make him want to know more about what you're thinking. "

"Fine, I wasn't thinking about doing that anyway, I need to clear my mind. I'm afraid, "I admitted openly. "I really want to be sure but I'm very nervous."

"Everything will be fine. You will recognize the signs and know if you want to be with him or not. "

I sigh and keep my cell on my pocket. I looked at Zac and smile. I can't believe what I just did.

"I've never talked to a stranger before. Thanks for your help, you didn't know me and you hear what I had to say. Thanks, really. "

"Hey, don't worry," he leaned his back against the bench. "I'm good at listening and helping."

"I can see that."

I looked away because Zac is very cute. I cannot believe I told my problems to such a beautiful guy and the fact that I have been able to express myself.

I really needed the opinion of a guy and Zac seems honest, yet the final judgment is mine. We'll see what happens, I'm eager to know if Harry will do more or what will happen between us.

"We just met and you heard me," I started talking and my eyes fell on Zac. "So now it's my turn if you want of course. What is your story? "

+

Cassie was so happy that I finally accepted her proposal. It was difficult and I still think it's a bad idea, however, I'm here.

I was feeling secure but now I'm doubting about everything again. My friends understand my situation and I try to organize my thoughts. It's really hard when you want to trust but you don't know if it would be correct.

"Come on, Lucy," I hear the principal's voice and I follow him. "This is the new counselor and we trust in her and in her abilities. I hope she can help you with the problem you have. "

"Hm, yes, thank you," I gave a short nod.

We walked a couple of hallways before reaching the office of the school counselor. I gulped and the principal opened the door.

"Good morning, Megan," the principal greeted friendly and I walked into the office.

A blonde woman shook hands with the principal and then she kissed my cheek.

"Lucinda Fray, nice to meet you."

"Yeah, thanks for having me here."

The principal motioned to the chair and I obeyed.

"I will let you two get to know each other. Have a nice day. "

The principal disappeared closing the door and I looked at Megan. She's blonde, her hair is short, she has some wrinkles in her eyes when she smiles but she is not old.

"I'm Megan Reese and what happens here stays here. I will not tell the principal or another person if that's what you think. I am a professional and I am here to help. "

"Thanks," I said and place my hands on my lap.

Now I'm doubting again, I think it was a bad decision. Why am I always so unsure of what I decide?

"So, what do you need to talk about?" Megan asked and grabbed a pen.

"I...I hope you don't think this is silly. Maybe happens a lot since you're in a school...but it is about love and problems about it, "I answer not convinced what I'm doing.

"My favorite!" She smiled and she seemed excited about it.

Megan reached into a drawer and pulled out her glasses and a pink folder.

"Since your friend Cassie came to me I did some research."

What?

"About what?" I raised my eyebrow.

"About you.  Lucinda Fray, 18, ​​good grades and you got a scholarship. I see you like teaching and you have participated in competitions representing our school. Great. I was the dumbest in my class,” she smiled. “I know why you're here. So...What happened with Harry?" She inquired and her blue eyes resting on me.

"Can you do that?" She closed the folder. "Can you investigate about me?"

"Oh, please, I hope you're not one of those girls who cannot keep a secret."

"Um, yes, yes, you can trust me. I'm just a little shocked about it. "

"I only did it to help you and also because not many people come here asking for my help, and I’m new here so I had free time, a lot of free time."

"I see," I nod and Megan keeps looking at me. I know I have to talk but I don't know where to start.

"I haven't done anything else than eat today and you don't see very willing to talk, would you like if we talk about anything else?"

"I guess," I shrug.

"Great. When I was young I was just like you, insecure and scared. Right now you look really scared and I'm not going to bite you, but I understand. My parents weren't very concerned about me and that was the worst. I had many boyfriends due to my problems, what about you? "

"Oh, I-I haven't had a boyfriend, never," I reply, I was taken by surprise because I thought that she was going to speak all the time. "I've never been good at these things."

"I understand completely. I was very awkward when I was young, you think you're weird? "

"I don't know if I'm weird, I think I'm normal, there is nothing very interesting in me or my life."

"We are all interesting in our own way, you seem mysterious."

"What? I don't think so,” I shook my head.

"I do. I had many boyfriends, almost all of them were a bunch of big idiots...what about you? Do you think Harry is an idiot? "

"No, I mean, yes...hm, actually, sort of."

"Why do you say sort of? I think he is. "

"He has his moments, sometimes he can be an idiot,” I shrug.

"But what he did makes him the most idiot of all idiots, don't you think?" Megan rests her elbows on the table and looks at me intently.

I swallow hard and clasped my hands.

 "Maybe I'm a fool to even think that I can forgive him,” I confessed and looked down.

Am I a fool?

"I always thought the same as you and that made me doubt about everything. I had a boyfriend named Ricky and he... "

Megan kept talking but I was feeling terrible. Now I feel so dumb. This morning I had a specific idea, not so solid yet tough and now I think the idea has melted due to the insecurity I'm feeling.

Now I'm lost again, the road I was taking disappeared. Two ideas in my head are fighting to win and I have no preference for either.

I really need help and advice and I realize that Megan made ​​me talk about Harry, and all she did was confuse me even more. I think she wanted to plant an idea in me, she was not neutral as she should be. That was not fair.

"What do you like to do? I would like to know what you like to do in your free time, "I hear her voice and I connect with reality again.

"I have to go," I muttered and get up from the chair.

"What? Why? Did I say something? "Megan got up and I shook my head.

"No, seriously."

I threw my bag over my shoulder and walked to the door.

"I hope you come back, I'm really bored here."

I turned to her; she looks like a nice woman. Maybe I could return.

"I guess."

"Anyway you signed up, you need to come next time."

What?

"Fine, see you."

I closed the door and let out a big sigh. I looked at my shoes for a moment and I have no idea what just happened. I was dumb, Megan played with my mind easily to get little things about Harry. If I felt uncomfortable it’s my fault.

I tucked a few strands behind my ears and before I could walk my eyes found Harry. He is leaning against the wall, dressed in black and with his brown boots. He is looking expectant and attentive at me. Something's different; I can see small details in his face that were not there before. What happened to his face?

"How are you?" He asked as I walked towards him.

"What happened?" I looked into his eyes and my hands wanted to touch him, so bad.

"Did you like the letter?" He answered with another question. His green eyes pierced me.

"It's beautiful, I'm speechless. Didn’t you get my message?"

"Yeah but I wanted to hear it from you," he twisted a dimpled smile and he looks so cute.

My fingers are itching to touch him, I want to resist but my mind is giving in. Maybe it would not hurt trying.

I extended my arm and my fingers touch his cheek. I observe the small but noticeable bruise he has in a specific area of ​​his jaw.

"What happened?" I released the same question.

Harry kept his gaze on my face and his hand grabs my hand that is on his cheek.

"I was doing a few things."

"Was it risky?" I asked another question and his fingers stroked my hand.

"Something like that but I needed to do it."

"Be careful, please," I whispered and he nodded.

Harry looked over my shoulder. "Anyway, what are you doing here, Lucy?"

I turned around and Megan was watching us hidden behind the curtains from the small window of her office.

"She's spying us or what?" He asked softly and I shook my head.

"She's a little weird," I smiled and our eyes met.

I'm glad to see him, he's been gone for a few days and at least it gave me time to think but I'm doubtful. I will take the advice of Zac, I want to see how far Harry can go, but Megan made ​​me question everything so I don't know what I'll do about it.

"How did you know I was here?" I released the first question that came to my mind.

"I followed you," he shrugged his shoulder and he looked innocent. "There's a surprise for you," he spoke and I didn't know what to say but I'm nervous already.

"Oh, okay," I gave a curt nod.

"Is not here," Harry said before I could ask. "And I can't say where is it because it's a surprise," he answered again before I could open my mouth.

"It is not necessary, really—"

"Lucy, you and I know I need to. I have been the worst with you and I think this is a way to change a little," he spoke quietly but sad at the same time. Why?

"The letter...thank you, really. Meant a lot."

"I did it a bunch of times. You're the first person that I write a letter, you and Santa Claus of course.

I laughed at his comment and he joined. It's so cute when he laughs, he looks lovely.

"I'm serious," he smiled and I did the same.

He grabs my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine. I watched our hands and then at his face.

"I had to do it," he confessed simply.

His hand in mine is a pleasant and stable sensation. I guess that this binding is starting to have a true meaning and happiness in my heart grows. But I will not be easy.

"I have to go," I muttered and he let go of my hand.

"Fine. If you want I can take you home," Harry offered.

"Thanks but I want to be alone."

"Shit, okay. I really wanted to do it, because I want spend some time with you but if that's what you want."

His words almost make me accept his offer but I decided that he needed to miss me more. He needed to feel what I used to feel.

"I hope you like what I did," he said and I don't know why but I feel he is sad.

"You all right, Harry?"

"I'm just nervous. You can reject me," he replied and he is right.

I didn't say anything about it. I want him to stay with the doubt about my opinion, and I think he should do more. I know I'm not a big deal but getting any affection, words or confessions about Harry is what I need to clear the mind.

"See you later," I said and he started walking in the opposite direction.

I watched him leave and then I did the same.

+

I received a lot of questions from Cassie and Mandy about my visit with the school counselor. I just told them it didn't go so well and that I didn't know if I would go the next time. Marcel was not there when they asked me, I haven't told him about Harry and I have no idea how he will react.

Mandy is still sad about the breakup, she's devastated but tries not to show it. I think we're in the same position but at the same time our situations are completely different. I know she understands me but I cannot find words to express myself. Maybe talk to Mandy would also help me.

I decided to take a bus. I want to be alone and I need a moment to think, analyze and digest everything that has happened.

It all seems so unreal. I want to believe but it is difficult. It sounds so cute and tempting but I need to know more to be sure. I want to know what else Harry has to say, if he will do more, if he will fight for this because I would do it. He told me he's in love and I want to see it, I want him to prove it and I want to see how much he wants this. I'm not a big deal but I have suffered a lot, I think I deserve it, I deserve a better treatment, even a little.

This Harry in love is totally overwhelming to me. In the past he used to say nice things but he never said such powerful words and of this magnitude. I can see the difference, this time his eyes watching me differently and he no longer behaves as before. Now he is being careful, I think he's thinking more about each step he can take and I like that.

Everything is quite uncertain and I only hope it's not a joke. I will never talk to him again if it were so. He can't play with his own words; I don't think he's capable of that. I'm having a better impression of him and it would kill me if I was wrong.

His words have meaning for me and I'm not the same person I was a few days ago. I think I'm not the only one, for any person it will change many things if someone confesses their love for you. It's a feeling you can't explain.

I want Harry, I really do but it scares me the fact that nothing has changed in me. He appeared out of nowhere, he confessed his feelings and stirred and disorganized everything inside of me. He was counting on that, he was counting that I still was feelings things for him but I don't want him to think it will be easier. I think I am able to reject him, able to say goodbye to him though it hurts and it hurt all this time. And that's when I think about the statement I did today, maybe I'm a fool if I forgive him.

I got off the bus a few blocks from my house and I walked slow.

I wish Harry knocked on my door again and I would like to repeat that scene again. I know it didn't end so well but at first it was indescribable. I think he was nervous when he said it and perhaps he had planned his words because he didn't hesitate. I liked the fact that although Mandy was there Harry didn't stop. I would like to think that he is not ashamed of me. Yes, I do have respect for myself but I know I'm not as beautiful or sexy to be at least equal to Harry and all his beauty and charm.

I walked into my street and as I walk I noticed that the cement is covered for a bunch of red dots. What is that?

My feet lead me to the red sea and I manage to identify what it is. There are many, many red petals and in the center there is a heart. The figure is molded with the red petals.

The wind blows through the street, the houses and slides for my clothes but the petals don't move. How is that possible?

I looked around and there are few people on the street, some of them looked at the sea of red petals and shared some comments about it and others just kept their way. I turned my head to the right and this little piece of art is practically on the cement of my house.

I bent down and my fingers touched the cement and then a petal. I gently tried to remove it but it's glued to the ground. There are countless petals. The person who did this is very dedicated, very sweet because it took a lot of time.

My eyes widened and I didn't breathe for a couple of second.

"Oh my God," I muttered.

I pulled out a petal with my fingers and it unglued from the floor. I turned it around and there was something written. It was handwritten and the letter was small and white.

I'm so sorry little Lucy. Let's talk please. H

I collapsed for a few seconds. I blinked too many times without believing in what I'm seeing in this moment. I pulled another small petal and it had the same writing. I pulled another and another and the same phrase is repeated over and over again. This cannot be true.

I got up and looked at the sea of ​​petals and the heart and tried to count a little. Perhaps there were about 200 petals here, I think. No, I think there are more. The only thing I’m very sure is that this is crazy, unbelievable.

There is no doubt that it was not easy for Harry to do this. I am completely speechless, almost in shock.

I wanted to cry because it is very beautiful and simple and the message is accurate and valuable. I can see it and I can feel it, he wants this. I want to believe he wants this.

My heart is beating too hard. I sit on the floor looking at the work of art that Harry did for me and there is only one question in my head right now:

What do I do now?