[Harry]

"Lucy, what the hell is that on your neck?"

She looked almost shocked. Her eyes betray her and her hands snatch the scarf from me.

"It's not your problem," she muttered turning around.

I understand that there is no bond between us but we are human beings. She can't just show up with these strange scratches and think that I will not worry about it.

"Lucy, who the hell did that?!" I raised my voice but I didn't scream. I'm trying not to lose control. "Lucy, I'm worried, what happened?"

I want stretch my hand to her, I want to touch her shoulder, hold her in my arms and I want to hear the truth but apparently I will not get any of that.

She gathered her belongings as she breathed slowly. She slid one hand down her cheek and I knew she was crying.

"Please tell me," I pleaded.

"I was in a fight," she pressed her lips into a thin line and her nose was a little red.

"You? No way. Why?”

"With...with Madison," she folded her arms and wiped another tear.

Not sure why but I think Madison would be capable of that. She tried to flirt with me at Christmas knowing that Lucy was in her room. She doesn't know what is dignity or respect, what would stop her to hurt Lucy?

"What the fuck? She did that? Is she absolutely crazy or what? "I barked very angry.

If it were a guy I would probably kill him, very slowly, and I wouldn't have a single fucking regret.

"Yes, hm, I don't know what happened to her."

"Lucinda, you need to tell your mother about this."

"It's better this way," she spoke as she pulled a tissue from her bag.

"Please, stop crying, Lucy," I said and I just want to hug her but I know she wouldn’t like it.

It must have been horrible for Lucy, to do that Madison dug her nails into her skin...which means that maybe she was trying to strangle her. I would know better if the marks were more recent. Poor Lucy, so small and harmless. I can't imagine her in that situation, it breaks my heart to think that she could be in danger and I couldn't be able to do something about it.

Another tear ran down her cheek and I wanted to kiss her.

"I'm fine, it's over. I'm a little sensitive. "

"I can't see you this way, I-I can't," my words were soft and she looked at me very surprised.

"Crying is normal."

But seeing the girl you like crying is worse.

"You need to talk to your mother about it," I repeated. "It's important."

"Fine, Harry, I will," I looked at her face when I heard her words. "Can you keep this secret?" She placed the scarf around her neck and I bit my lower lip.

"If something happens you can tell me, okay? You can trust me," I muttered, and I want her to believe in my words.

"Harry, I appreciate all the times you've helped me, really," she nodded, "but sometimes I feel...I feel I can't trust you," she spoke and I swear my fucking heart broke like never before. "I have to go and you too," she gestured to the door and I couldn’t move.

You deserve it, you deserve it, I repeated to myself.

I gulped the lump on my throat and followed her way out the door.

"See you," She turned around and I stayed there.

"But we have a job to do," I murmured but of course Lucy couldn't hear.

Everything made me feel more than devastated. I was so alone and I need her, I want to hold her hand but I can’t reach it, I just can’t reach Lucy.

I should talk to Madison, should do something about it. What could it be? Threaten her, tell her to stay away from Lucy? Probably the second option. Madison is lucky to be a girl because I wouldn't think twice if a guy was involved on all this.

The rest of the day is crap. I'm not here and my body moves following the others. I ate but I'm not very hungry, I looked at the board without hearing or paying attention and I couldn't talk to my friends.

The guys proposed a meeting, a group talk to fix my problem. So badly was I looking that they had to tell me that? Probably.

It's been three days since I accepted my love for Lucy and everything is very bad, terrible. I guess she felt the same and I couldn't get close to her. I was an asshole and I didn't approach towards her at any time. I had my reasons, I wanted her to be fine on her own way but now I realize my mistake.

When the day is over is a relief, a huge relief for me but my muscles remained tense.

Zayn texted me saying they were on their way to the car and I headed to the same place too.

Billy reached my steps and I didn't want to hear what he has to say but I was feeling masochistic and curious today.

"I have information about her dinner," said Billy and my fists clenched.

"Lucy had fun, she said her friend was nice and she could always count on him."

Holy crap, please shoot me.

I pressed my fingers against my forehead and we're almost there.

"He gave her flowers and then she went to his house," the boy told me and his last words made ​​me lose my head. "Harry?" I heard Billy but I went immediately to my car and started punching the door.

Whenever my fist lashed out against the door I was imagining Adam's face, which was very relieving. I had bad thoughts about Lucy in Adam's house but I know she would never be capable of that. Not now but what happens if she starts to like Adam? The last question made ​​me punch the door even harder.

"Not again!" Yelled Louis and Zayn grabbed me.

"Harry, there are people watching, stop it," Zayn pressed his nails into my elbow and spoke firmly.

I gasped and I was furious, I looked around and Billy was in shock and the people looked confused and I just wanted to scream that this is not their damn business but I found Cassie and Mandy looking at him. Holy shit, no, fuck, no.

Zayn started to pull me and I think Niall opened the door and forced me to get into the backseat. The others got into the car too and hurriedly we left the school grounds.

I didn't want Mandy and Cassie to see me in that state, they will probably tell Lucy about it and she will misunderstand everything.

I hit the glass of the window and it turned red in the spot I hit. I gently shook my hand, ignoring the pain and allowing red drops rained from my knuckles.

"Enough! What the fuck is wrong with you?! "Liam shouted very angry next to me.

"You can't do that!" Niall complained without turning to me because he is driving.

"You have to control yourself!" Louis growled from the front seat. "Hitting doors will not get you back to Lucy, you idiot."

"Yes, that's enough, Harry," Zayn put his hand on my shoulder and I rolled my eyes.

"I hate that kid," I snapped confessing what I was thinking.

"Jealousy is so powerful and evil," Niall shook his head.

"We all know that but Harry, you really need to control yourself, dude. You are exaggerating everything, Lucy's just a girl, she is not the first or the last, there are plenty more pussys out there waiting for you."

"What the fuck?!" I exploded and Zayn had to grab me because I was about to punch Liam on the face. "Don't you ever say that again, you asshole! She's not that for me, you have no idea what I feel for Lucy! If you say anything like that again I'll break all your teeth, Liam, I swear I will do it!" Zayn kept his firm grip on me and my face was hot, I was so mad at Liam right now.

Payne turned to the window and I did the same but on my side of the car. Niall sighed and Louis let out a slight giggle.

"That's so lovely, family fighting."

"Shut up, Louis."

"What? Just saying the truth, Zayn. Once we get home we will do yoga, ladies," Niall stifled his laugh and at least Louis is always trying to make the atmosphere better between us five.

I decided to keep my mouth shut, with my head pressed against the glass. I tried not to think in Liam because I'd probably hit him right now. Lucy is not that for me, it's been a year and I have never seen her like Liam said. Lucinda definitely has a deeper meaning to me and I didn't need her touch in a sexual way to have these feelings for her.

When we got home I knew I didn't want to be here. Liam quickly got off like Zayn. I cleared my throat and Niall and Louis looked at me.

"Give me the keys, I want to see my sister."

"Don't you want to talk? We have to," Niall handed me the keys and I shook my head.

"Later or I don't know," I closed the door.

"You won't escape from yoga!" Louis crossed his arms and then began to walk home.

I'd probably smile for his humor but I'm not in the mood.

I drove to Gemma's building, is not so far. I haven't talk that much about girls with Gemma but I think spending time with her would be good to me. I remember I spoke about Lucy to Gemma, I admitted that I liked her but I refused to feel that. How silly and stupid I was for refusing such a real feeling, almost real because I needed Lucy to feel it too.

My sister lives in a small but comfortable apartment. I knocked and I hope not to interrupt something. Anyway I wouldn't interrupt, I'm her brother.

She opened the door and the first thing I noticed is that her hair is blonde now.

"Hi, little brother, how are you?" She spoke softly and let me in.

"I'm fine, what about you?"

"Good but tired," she yawned.

I sat on her green couch and felt the smell of something sweet.

"Are you baking something?" 

"Yes, do you want wine?" She gestured towards the kitchen and followed her.

"Where's Charlie?"

"In my room watching TV," she poured a glass and handed it to me. "I don't want to be rude but you have to leave Harry."

"What? Why?" I frowned. Is she going to have a date or what? I am willing to ruin it...well, not really but kind of.

"Because Lucy is coming today."

"What? Really? That is excellent," I answered very excited.

"Excuse me?" Gemma raised her eyebrows. "I don't think it's good for both to spend time together."

"Wait a second, please tell me you haven't flirted with her."

"With Lucy? She's my friend!"

"Good, I have to tell you something," I took a big sip of the wine and my sister didn't take her eyes off me. "I'm in love with Lucy."

She opened her mouth and then her expression changed, she seemed like irritated with my confession.

"Stupid boy," she growled and sat on the countertop. "Really, Harry? I just want to throw the wine at your face right now. "

"Can I stay?" I smiled. "I don't know why I'm asking because I'll stay anyway."

"It was supposed to be a girl's evening, you know," Gemma rolled her eyes. "Thanks for ruining it."

"Don't be a baby," I drank more wine.

"I swear that I want to kick you in the balls again," I stepped back and instinctively placed a hand on my jewelry. No more violence there, I had enough.

"Do you want me to help you prepare something?" I knelt down to see the oven. "Just tell me."

"You could buy some chocolate muffins, I'm dying for one."

I got up and checked my wallet. 

"This is a great coincidence," I twisted a smile.

"I'm not happy with this," she shook her head, she seemed upset.

"Why not?" I frowned. It doesn't matter if Gemma doesn't like this, these are my feelings.

"Because it has been so long and you were extremely mean, I still want to kick your balls."

"I know but I'll find a way to apologize," I sighed tired.

"What if she doesn't accept it? What if she doesn't want to be with you? "

"Why are you being so cruel?" I drank the rest of the wine and put the glass on the table.

"I'm telling the truth."

Why do I feel like everything is against me? First it's Adam, the indifference and coldness of Lucy, my negative but hopeful thoughts, and now Gemma and her opinions. This is too much for one day.

"I'll go for the muffins," I turned on my heel and left the apartment.

There are a lot of negativity on both sides, mine and the others, my friends and my sister now and also I have to deal with myself. I need a light, something that tells me that things might work but I can't find it and I don't have a lot of hope. The thing is I don't want to give this up, so that's something, right?

I bought the muffins and some cookies for Charlie and I made my way back to the apartment. Gemma opened the door and she still looks a little upset.

"Would you be happy for me?" I grunted because her expression is bothering me.

"I'm thinking about her."

"And what about me?"

"You're going to overcome this, is just a phase."

"A phase?" I raised my voice, clearly irritated by her comment. "I don't plan to play with Lucy if that's what you're thinking."

"Maybe you feel sorry and that's--"

"Gemma, that's stupid," I snapped. "I do have true feelings for Lucinda and I'm not lying. I could leave right now if I wanted but I won't because I want to see her. "

She lowered her head and nodded softly.

"Promise me."

"I promise," I replied quickly.

"I'll be watching you."

I poured wine for both and leaned my back against the wall.

"I'm trying to believe you," she said with her eyes on the glass, "because you're my brother and I think everyone deserves a second chance."

"I hope so. I really want her and hurt Lucy would never be in my options. I never wanted to, you know? "

"Yes, I know, but your past brought you here."

"Exactly," I drank more wine and I didn't want to continue this conversation. "You said it was a moment just for girls and I don't understand why could tell to Lucy that you could not tell me, I'm your brother."

"I don't know, let me see, about...sex and guys."

"If I were drinking wine I'd spit it. I guess you're right; I don't want to hear about it. "

"I told you and now I can't do it today."

"Please don't tell me you're with someone," I pressed my fingers to my forehead.

"Not exactly, but..."

"I don't want to know,” I raised hand to stop her. "And you talk to Lucy about sex? I'm pretty sure she doesn't say anything about it. "

"No, she doesn't but she always listen to me," Gemma smiled and looked at the oven.

I knew it, my Lucy is so inexperienced.

"She asks questions sometimes and it's funny, I guess."

"Like what?" I inquired very curious.

"If the first time hurt a lot, if it was with someone I loved, well, those two questions are not funny. I was talking about positions and I had the kamasutra on my computer and I showed it to her and she almost died with all the positions, I don't think she has seen any of it before. The other day I bought some chocolates and they had a penis shape but they were wrapped in Christmas paper, like Santa claus and gave one to Lucy, when she opened it and she almost died. She was so embarrassed, she couldn't eat it."

We both laughed, I couldn't avoid doing it but I found it so sweet. I miss her, I miss sharing my time with Lucy and this coincidence is exactly what I need.

"Hi," we heard Charlie's voice, and he is at the entrance of the kitchen.

"Hi, Charlie!" I carried the little boy and he smiled. I stroked his blond hair and he shook the toy that was in his hand.

The knock on the door erased my smile. Oh, shit, she's here.

"Calm down," my sister said once she saw my face.

"Should I flirt with her?" I whispered.

"Yeah, I guess, but don't be so obvious; you have to insert the idea but not so fast."

"Fine, got it," I muttered and ran my fingers across my hair.

Gemma went to the door and I took a deep breath.

"Hi!" I heard Lucy's voice and Charlie hit me with his toy.

"I brought pizza."

"Great, thanks. I was baking a cake and...shit, wait. "

The steps of my sister rushed to the kitchen. Gemma turned off the oven and I completely forgot about it. Charlie hit me again and Lucy's body walked into the kitchen.

"Harry, hi," she said, certainly surprised and her fingers touched her scarf.

I remembered with sadness what she was hiding there and I still have my doubts. Why would Madison do that?

She left the pizza on the table and I searched for the dishes.

"I hope not to bother," I said and I want to know what Lucy is going to say.

"No, it's okay, don't worry," Lucy sat in front of me.

Charlie started jumping on my lap when the pizza appeared in his vision. I cut a small piece for him and I tried to help him not to choke on the food.

"And how are you, kids?" Gemma asked sitting next to me. "How's school?"

"Great."

"Terrible."

"Harry, you don't count because you have always hate the school," Gemma took a bite of the pizza.

"Yes, the only good part is when Lucy teaches us."

I think that's a compliment.

"Really?" Gemma raised an eyebrow and tried to hide her smile.

"Harry, you've come to one of my classes."

"Yes but it was good."

"You didn't write anything."

"It's all in my mind," I pointed to my head and Lucy half-smiled.

"Have you read the chapter?"

"Nope," I answered. "I will do it today."

"What chapter? What is happening? "Gemma leaned her elbows on the table and looked at us.

"We have to work together, we're partners."

"Really?" Gemma sent another look to me. "What a coincidence!"

"Yes, but it's okay. Gemma, when we will go back to boxing classes?"

"Next week? I miss our teacher," my sister said and I rolled my eyes. "Want some wine Lucy? It's really good. "

"Hm, okay," she replied hesitating and Gemma poured wine on her glass. "Not bad," she smiled once she tasted the wine.

Lucinda shoved a little piece of pizza to her mouth while she was chewing and she looked at me and of course I was looking at her.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Gemma got up and left the kitchen. I guess she's helping me, I love my sister.

"You all right, Harry?" Lucy whispered with her eyes still on me.

"Yes, why?"

"You hit your car today," ah, shit. "Just wondering."

"I was angry, I'm having some problems but I'm fine."

"Good. Can I have Charlie for a moment? "

"Yeah, sure."

Lucy walked up to me and carried Charlie in her arms. She sat him on her lap and cut a piece of pizza to him. He chewed the food and one of his little hands touched Lucy's cheek. Charlie, how lucky, I want to touch her too.

I looked at her all the time. Charlie ate slowly and Lucy played with his hair. Gemma returned and sat beside me.

They talked about different things, movies and actors. Gemma had more knowledge and Lucy added some information. I spoke only when they talked about music and Lucy spoke about The Beatles, that was our thing. Most of the time I ate pizza and I kept my mouth shut.

We ate a piece of the cake made by Gemma and it was quite good. I showed a cookie to Charlie and he started jumping on Lucy's lap. I rested my elbows on the table and leaned toward him. I looked up and Lucy was watching me and the distance between us was short and I miss so much invading her personal space like before.

We hear the bell and I returned to the seat. I didn't know we were expecting someone else.

"Are you okay? Come here," we heard Gemma's voice and after a few minutes her footsteps approached to the kitchen. "A friend came here unexpectedly and he's crying and he's not fine, I will be in the living room for a moment, I hope you guys don't mind," she murmured to us and we nodded.

Gemma left to the living and it was just me, Lucy and Charlie in the kitchen. Charlie began to move too much on Lucy's lap and Lucy looked at me.

"Let him go," I said and Lucy obeyed. Charlie ran out and I think we should follow him. "We could go after him."

"Sure."

We got up and quietly greet the boy who was with Gemma. He is gay so I don't have to worry. Lucy and I walked towards the hall and we got into the first room. Charlie sleeps with Gemma so there is a room just for his toys.

Charlie was sitting on the floor with a toy in his hand. I sat next to him and Lucy went to the bathroom. I hope she doesn't leave now that Gemma is busy, she has no reason to stay but I hope she does.

I rested my hands on my knees and I watched the way Charlie was playing.

"Harry, your hand," Lucy said as soon she came back to the room.

Damn, I forgot about my hand. My knuckles are red, I have little wounds and there is a bit of dried blood. I haven't used this hand all this time so I forgot about this little detail.

I looked up to tell her I was fine but Lucinda was gone. She came back minutes later with alcohol and cotton.

"I can do it myself," I offered but I hope she says no.

"It's okay, don't worry," she sat in front of me and she's so close and it's amazing.

She applied alcohol in the cotton and landed on one of my knuckles. It hurt but I was concentrating on something else. The good thing is that Lucy was distracted and I had the chance to look at her.

Of course she's not the hottest girl I've ever seen but she is cute in her own way and I'm fascinated by that. Her facial features are simple and all together make her face very pretty.

She scratched one of her bushy eyebrows and I love that detail, it makes her different. Her lips are pink and I think it contrasts with her skin.

She placed my hand on her knee and I wish I could touch her more than this. If I do it now, I'm sure she would run away from me.

"Ready," she said and it took her a lot but I don't care.

Charlie threw a toy in our direction and then another.

"No, Charlie," I looked at him and he did it again. "I think he wants to play."

"What does he like to do?"

"Play with dinosaurs and those green soldiers," I pointed out some toys and she nodded.

"We could do a play" Lucy suggested. "Mom used to do that with dolls I had."

"Fine, and what's the story about?"

"I don't know, villains, love, action, superheroes," she shrugged.

We opened Charlie's box that it’s full of toys. Lucy found a teddy bear and I grabbed a soldier. There was a boat, a car and we grabbed his dinosaurs. We quickly discussed the role of each toy and then we started to improvise.

Charlie listened to our story all the time. There were villains, action, we pretend that the ship exploded, the car crashed but Lucy's character survived and I went to her rescue with a troop of green soldiers and dinosaurs appeared and it was pretty crazy. I've played with Charlie before but not like this, he laughed, covered his mouth a few times and pointed to the toys and smiled. It was amazing to see him that happy with something as simple as putting voice and life to the toys and everything is thanks to Lucy. My soldier gave a kiss on the cheek of Lucy's teddy and that was the end. We applaud and Charlie did the same with his tiny hands.

In the past I would never do this sort of thing, the girls had different meaning to me and the things I liked to do were a few and very far from what I'm doing now. Lucy would never fit into the category of girls which I used to go out; Lucy would never be sex for one night, or a  company in the evening, the girl that you don't remember the name or the girl who has salt in her stomach or a glass of tequila in her tits. I'm so glad she is not like that, I'd probably freak out if the story was another. I don't know what I would do if she were that type of girl.

I'm sure I don't want anyone but her, I can't imagine myself trying to flirt or kiss or go out with another girl that is not Lucy.

For a moment it seems as if the wall between us had disappeared and I want this, I need it back. I feel happy, calm and in better mood after this little game. Something so simple can change me and now I'm starting to get a sense of what she truly makes me feel.

Lucinda finished reading a story to Charlie and I have to share my thoughts with her, I must do it before Gemma appears.

"Lucy, being with you makes me feel better."

She closed the little book and turned her head to me.

"What?" Her cheeks flushed and I nodded.

"Being with you is like...being high."

"Weird comparison but…is that good?" She looked at me curiously.

"Yes, you feel happy, calm, you feel peace."

I wanted to sit closer to her but I decided not to move.

"You-you feel happy now...right here, with me?"

I didn't have to think twice.

"Absolutely, Lucy."

I hope not to disappoint everyone with this because probably this was not what you were expecting to read but you have always had to be very patient with this story and I'm sorry but the thing is that the truth always comes out ??????? :)

Love you all, till next time xx