[Harry]

I didn't want to come, I wanted to lock myself. Right now my house looks like the only safe place. Safe of what? I don't know, maybe I needed a shield for the storm, to my fears, to my memories or mainly of my tortured thoughts.

I wanted to bring Sherlock, take him with me in the car but my friends didn't let me. Besides it would be too crazy for Sherlock to go out in the night.

I don't drive, I don't want to. I opened the window just a bit to let the cold air shake my hair and touching my face. My nose gets cold and I slid my tongue over my dry lips.

I heard the laughter of a girl and I turn aroud, I forgot for a moment that Louis brought company. Zayn turned up the radio and started to sing the song along with Niall. Louis and his girl began to move their arms and Tomlinson looked at me to follow the movements with them. I rolled my eyes and turned my face to the window. I'm not in the mood.

I pressed my forehead against the glass and let the feeling of cold to expand by that small fraction of skin. I didn't want to come but I was almost forced. Now I have to stand this the entire night.

It feels like an eternity but suddenly the car stopped and everyone started to go down. I followed their movements and my steps were the slowest.

Right now I'm hating the sound of the outside world, laughter, horns, voices, music. I looked at the poster of the bar and then my eyes landed on a couple who were arguing. The girl wiped away a tear and the boy crossed his arms.

"I thought you were smart Lucinda, you think you are smart but let me tell you are far from that. You're stupid, so stupid Why? For thinking that I could be with you. "

I stepped back, my words surprised me and I don't know why I thought that.

"Come on, Harry!" I heard Louis' girl voice and hurried my steps to them.

We show our IDs and the security guard let us in. 19 years old, I have 19 years and I'm still in school. I'm a loser for that.

Niall put a pair of sunglasses and that is super stupid because it is night. Horan is walking and dancing at the same time and he is really on fire as I feel that I am under a big storm and the worst thing the storm can offer.

"The blonde is on fire, I repeat, the blond is on fire!" I heard Zayn as Niall is dancing on the bar.

"And we just got here, this will be a great night!" Louis smiled and they began to choose what they wanted.

I looked at the various bottles, all of them organized but in chaos at the same time, in different colors, different sizes and flavors and odors. Lucy wouldn't drink any of this, she would go for a simple and delicious beer.

"What do you want, Harry?" Niall spoke with my wallet in his hands. "I stole it and you didn't realize! I still can do it. "

"Three shots of tequila and a beer," I replied and Zayn nodded proudly.

"I'll get the same," said Malik and Horan nodded.

"Our little Harry is depressed!" Horan said after buy all the drinks.

"He's in his period!" Added Zayn and Louis laughed.

"Lately he is always on his period; I think there's a girl in the house."

"Fuck you all," I mumbled.

The bartender gave us all the drinks, which were a lot, and we started right away with the tequila.

Fucking hell, I forgot the strong flavor and fiery of tequila. The liquid burned my throat as I drink the second glass. I suck the lemon quickly and start with the third little glass.

A huge heat wave traveled through my body and I shook my hair with my hand. I felt more relaxed, I just needed something strong. I'll probably have to adopt this technique the whole night. Drinking to forget, that’s what I need.

We grabbed the other glasses and choose a table. Zayn and Niall chatted while Louis was making out with the girl that I don't know the name.

A girl with white dress caught my attetion, she walked past us. This bar doesn't have a dance floor but let's say that people has created its own. The girl with white dress is dancing with a guy and a strange but familiar memory of Lucy came to my mind. When she first got high on Halloween. She was free, happier, full of sensations and less thoughts. I remember her dilated pupils, the soft sweat on her forehead and the way she danced. Now that I think about it she looked like a beautiful angel...but totally high.

I laughed at my thoughts about Lucy and Zayn and Niall sent curious gazes at me.

"Harry, my ... my heart," Lucy sounds a little desperate. She gently pulled my shirt to get my attention.

"It's okay, it's normal, you're fine," I grabbed her face and forced her to look at me. After a few seconds she smiled.

"You're so handsome," Lucinda sighs. "Can we dance?"

I closed my eyes and took a big sip of my beer.

"You want to talk now?" Niall asked, leaning his elbow on the table.

"No, later."

"With more alcohol, it's better you will be more honest," Zayn said and I just nodded.

"No way!" Louis screamed and the three of us look at him. "Are we going to have the conversation?" Horan and Malik nodded and I didn't understand.

"What?"

"The conversation! We've been waiting all this time, I even bet—"

"Did you bet again on something about me?" Tomlinson nodded and proposed a toast for that. "Fuck you, seriously, Louis."

"I know you and I like to bet with these idiots."

"I'm going to win this time, you'll see," Niall said and took a sip of his vodka.

"What did you bet now? What do you think I'll do? "I groaned in a bad mood.

"We can't say it, it's a secret!" Louis replied and I wanted to throw my beer to his stupid face. "We need to see how you act, you have to be in your natural habitat."

"And the conversation is about...?"

"About you," I frowned. "About your big confession!" Louis responded.

"I love this song!" Niall and the girl said at the same time. I wanted to laugh like the others but I didn't.

"Let's dance, Louis, please," the girl asked to him and he nodded reluctantly. "Dark horse is my favorite."

The girl and Louis left to the dance floor and Niall pouted.

"Guess I will dance and sing it here alone."

"You can always go up to the table, Niall," Zayn said and Horan gave us a big smile.

I had to hold the glasses when Niall got to the table.

"You're crazy," I growled quietly while Niall danced above the table.

"There's no going back!" Niall sang and began to move as the beat drops and I just hope we don't get kick out of this bar because of him.

"Now get off!" I complained without patience.

"Harry, let it be," Zayn quickly defended Horan. "Plus you used to do that too."

"Yes, but when I was drunk."

"Okay!" Niall jumped off the table. "Are you happy?" He rolled his eyes and grabbed his glass.

"I just don't want them to kick us out of the bar," I shrugged.

"Whatever, we will leave in about 40 minutes," Horan wrote something on his cell phone. "There is a small party of a kid from our school, it will be fun."

"Can I go home?" I asked tired.

"No way, we're a team."

"Yes, we stick together until the end!" Niall added to support Zayn’s sentence. "Don't be so boring, Harry Grinch and stupid teenager."

I moved the fabric to see my forearm and there was the face of the Grinch, Lucy was one of the first people to see it and I decided to do it after talking with her.

"Plus, we are here for you and your problems so be grateful!" Malik said pointing me with his glass.

I just decided to go with the flow. My head wasn't here or any other place, I was practically in the limbo. I tried to talk but I could only say a couple of words, I didn't understand why it was so hard for me.

A few more songs, after a lot of sentences and a few more glasses of beer and we were walking out the bar. I handed the key to Zayn and sat near to the window. I just hope we're lucky to not find the police because every single one in this car has alcohol flowing through their blood.

This time Zayn drove very fast, Niall was yelling out the window and I decided to do the same. His scream is more of happiness but mine is to release the tensions and the words stuck in my throat and the rapid and painful thoughts that pierce my mind.

My hot hands touched my cold face, I looked for a few seconds at Louis and he practically was having sex with this girl.

"Both could find a room once we got there," I complained and they pulled away.

"Shut up, Styles!" Louis gave me a pat on the back of my head and I did the same.

"Cigarettes, cigarettes!" Niall turned and stretched the pack to us. I grabbed one like Tomlinson and the girl.

In a couple of seconds there is smoke blurring the dark of the car and the unspecified lights of the street as we move really fast.

Minutes later we are walking and the cold is not a problem due to the smoke in the lungs. We greeted some people we know. Louis and the girl disappeared and Niall asked me to help to buy a little more alcohol.

We are back after 20 minutes and we decided to drink right away. Zayn appeared and joined us. Niall is full of energy tonight, he's talking a lot and making us laugh. With alcohol, the cigarettes and with the help of my friends I'm relaxing but deep down my muscles remain tense. At least it helps me forget a small part of everything and turn off my mind for a moment. I needed my friends.

I decided to leave the boys for a while and walk around because I needed air. This was my sixth glass of beer and I was missing tequila.

"Harry," a hand grabbed my elbow and it was Louis' girl. "Have you seen Louis?"

I shook my head and she sighed. "Wait, are you okay?"

"Yes?" I replied confused. She doesn't care.

"Just wondering because the guys never stop bothering you. I know we don't know each other but there is nothing better to ask and talk about a girl than to an own girl. "

"Excuse me?" I raised my eyebrows, surprised by her sentence.

"Yes, Niall told me you were with a girl, I think she was your girlfriend."

"Niall is an idiot, don't listen to him," I rolled my eyes. "Plus she was never my girlfriend, she was never mine," I sighed.

"Oh, too bad."

"Leah, there you are!" We heard Louis and he slipped an arm around the Leah's shoulders.

"I'm leaving," I raised my arms and I turned around.

I pushed the door of the backyard and I looked surprised to find a swimming pool, it was empty of course but everyone was around there. It is too cold to be in the water.

I sat around the pool as the others. I put the cigarette in my mouth as I watched my glass. I looked up at the pool and suddenly I remember when I pushed Eric to the pool in the New Year. It was so childish but funny, by then Lucy didn't know him very well.

New Year was great, it's a nice memory. Lucy was high, by accident, just like me, not by accident, but again she was a different version of herself that I liked but I'd always prefer the original.

She swam so much and fast, coming to the surface to breathe just a few times and I remember I was worried due to her state.

After that I helped her to get out of the pool and we went to one of the rooms that the owner of the house borrowed to me. Lucy jumped on the bed, then she came up to me, we kissed and...

"Kiss me ... but don’t be gentle, Harry."

I couldn't continue with the memory, I cut it there and I'm feeling the heat on my face, am I blushing?

"This dress," I kissed her jaw and slid my lips to her neck, "makes you look very sweet."

"Sweet?" Lucy let out a giggle unconscious of my words.

"So sweet," I murmured against her skin.

"Harry!" I heard a voice and looked to the other side of the pool. Wearing a black skirt and tank top was Emily.

I'm not very happy that she brought me back to reality. I waved at her and half smiled. I was very dumb to think that I wouldn't find Emily here, well, I actually didn’t know because I didn’t think about her.

She walked around the pool and straight towards me. She sat next to me but there was no smile on her face.

"Why are you here alone? You are never alone,” said the blonde.

"I was just thinking."

She smiled, her blue eyes met mine.

"Aren't you going to ask about me? Don't be rude, Harry. "

"And how are you?" I rolled my eyes and she snatched the cigarette from my fingers.

"Terrible,” she muttered, “terrible without you,” she blew the smoke in my direction.

I thought we could have a conversation without talking about our previous relationship.

"Don't go," she took my elbow to try to stop me. "Can you at least tell me where we fail?"

Finally she has done an interesting question and she's not screaming and throwing me her boot on the head.

I drank my beer and she handed me back my cigarette.

"Do you know what happened? I see no mistake in us and I think your decision was unnecessary. "

"I need to be alone."

"Harry, you can't be alone," she spoke and I looked at her. "You've always been with someone and don't lie."

"I have been perfectly well alone," perfectly confused.

"If you're alone, then who will occupy the empty place where should be the love of your parents?"

"Don't talk to me anymore," I whispered before getting up. "That was unnecessary; you know nothing about my parents and no shit about love!"

"You know I'm telling the truth!" The blonde followed me and I rolled my eyes.

"You know why things didn't work between us!?" I turned to her and Emily stepped back. "Because you always want to hurt me, Emily, and I used to like it and I liked to argue but now I see your attempts to fight and try to awaken something in me and it's pathetic and I hate it.”

"You're starting to fight," she smiled and leaned her fingers on my shirt. "See? You can't help it. "

God, talking to her was exhausting. I turned around and I could feel the sound of her boots following me. I walked down a hallway in search of the bathroom and I couldn't find it when I turned around there she was. Emily was stunning, very pretty but not my type.

"Don't you miss me?" She demanded angrily. I sighed and shook my head.

"We could be friends," I suggested but I knew the answer.

"I don't want to be your friend; I think it's not hard to understand."

"I don't want anything with you. Emily, our time is over. "

"Don't you miss what we used to do?" She frowned.

"Fuck, fight and get high? Not at all,” I responded easily. 

I didn´t miss anything, I didn’t feel anything for her.

"Yeah, but also laugh, talk, do something crazy together. You just need to remember and I'm sure you will realize that your decision was unnecessary. Harry, we were together for a year and a half, we have a lot of memories and good times...you just need to remember everything."

I took a few steps toward her cutting the distance between us. I wanted to try something, I wanted to see if it was real that every feeling I ever had for her disappeared.

She looked at me stunned, caught off guard by my approach. I examined her face and I remembered the different expressions I've seen in her. I looked at her face, but no sensation aroused in me. Although we're not together I have respect for her and I really think we could be friends.

Suddenly she pushed me against the wall and I knew she would take advantage of the situation.

"I know you miss me like I miss you. You miss the way we used to have fun, when I was at your house, together at the stupid school, together in every fucking bar, destroying everything and give attention to anyone but us. "

It was fun, it was a great moment in my life and I'll keep the memories. Sometimes my heart craves for it but the desires are not as strong as before.

I stared at Emily and a smile appeared on her face. She made the first move and tried to kiss me but I was quicker and placed the palm of my hand between our lips. I didn't want to kiss her because I knew I didn't belong to her. There was no spark, no passion and I didn't need a kiss to know that fact.

Our moment was over, I realized I didn't want her, I never did, and it was all fake, not real. I was confused, I wasn't seeing everything clearly but now it seems like the fog disappears and she is not there.

I can't do it, not with her. A kiss involves caresses, sighs, skin to skin, hands, the lack of air, the heat, emotion, feelings, the heartbeat, the smiles, fingers tugging at my hair and that's what I like. I'd growl if someone gently pulls my hair and I'd say her name out loud but it was not Emily.

"Harry?" Emily asked and stepped away from me.

 I gasped for air, I needed air because my heart was about to explode. I knew the name and it was not Emily. It’s Lucy, that is the name I wanted to say, scream, breathe, moan and repeat a thousand times without getting tired.

"Harry, you coward, son of a bitch!" Emily shouted angrily and threw her can directly on my back. "You always run away, you asshole!" Her shoe hit the wall and I covered my head with my hands.

"You're crazy!" I yelled.

I left immediately and ran out of the house.  I was not running away from Emily, I needed to run from the truth but the truth would find me anyway. I sat on the hood of a car and I breathed looking at the dark sky.

No way, no way, please kill me.

I searched for a cigarette and started to smoke like crazy. I walked around looking for my car but didn't have the key.

"Fuck!" I yelled and hit the door. It felt good.

I lost track of how many times I hit the door of my own car but I couldn't feel my knuckles and my fingers ached. The door had sunk a bit for my unexpected outburst. If I were Hulk I'd destroy all the cars and the entire house.

"Oh my God," I muttered to myself.

I sat on the floor and let the cold hold me until the sound of my phone brought me back to reality. It was Niall and I had messages from Zayn and Louis, they were probably looking for me and wanted to talk and I couldn't. I was feeling so unstable and...weak.

I did the unexpected, I turned off the phone and went under my car. I've never done this before but down here those idiots wouldn’t find me. This is so awkward but it's like a shield.

I knew I was going to talk about her tonight, and I knew about this confession since her memories were all I remembered. I didn't need Emily and her foolish actions to realize the truth because it was always there. I didn’t need anyone else except her.

I curled up against the cold cement and pressed my lips into a thin line. I didn't want to say it aloud, my thoughts are circulating very fast and my heart was pounding so hard I thought I could die at any time.

"Fuck!" I cursed again.

I wanted to hit my car again but this place was very small. I controlled my desires and rested my forehead against the cement. I didn't try to fight because I knew it was in vain, I just let myself go with the flow and let this overwhelming, warm and happy feeling take control over my entire body. I immediately feel calmer, almost sedated but hopeful. I needed her peace, I needed her.

I knew it all this time; I felt it and I refused because it was easier. I probably knew from the moment we kissed or the first time I heard her laugh or the way she looked at me without any prejudice.

I never thought it would be inevitable but she got me with her words, with her attitude so smooth, without malice in her words. Only for her freckles, her braids, her stuttering, her hugs, her tastes and different ways of thinking, the way she could be naive to the evil around us, every time she snuggled next to me, her warmth, her expressions, her incredible strawberry smell, her shyness and her courage at the same time, the way her lips landed on my skin or every intelligent word that would come from her lovely mind. I'm in love with her world.

All memories about her gathered in my mind to yell at me the most obvious in the world. I want her, I crave for her, for her company, for her body next to mine, I was missing her more than anything else and if I had my keys I'd go to her house right now to try in vain to have her back, at least...one more time or just go back in time.

"Don't sleep," I muttered and Lucy tilted her head to one side to see my face.

"Why?"

"I, um, I need you," I replied.

"And you need me for?" She let out a slight chuckle.

"I need you to be awake, I need you with me," I whispered.

I gasped at the memory and I'm the stupidest person in the world. My heart clenched so hard in my chest, the feeling ran through my body and is so happy, pure, real, strong and absolutely warm and tender that I had to hold my breath. I am so in love with Lucy.

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