[Lucy]

"Sherlock?" I asked confused and looked at the hamster and then back to Harry. Big green eyes are looking at me and his expression is a mixture of surprise and concern.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he tried to grab the hamster but I dodged him.

"This is my hamster too," I stepped back because again he was very close. "Are you going to say something?"

"I don't know what to say," he shrugged and I looked at his swallows under his collarbone.

"Harry, this is my—" I stop when the hamster bites my hand. "Did Sherlock just bite me?"

"He always does that," this time Harry grabbed the animal and Charlie tried to take off my glasses. "I think it would be better if you come in."

Charlie shifted uneasily in my arms and I put him back to the floor. The little boy ran into the house and my eyes met Harry. We are alone in the entrance of his house, my muscles are tense because he keeps looking at me. Lately I feel that his eyes are always piercing me, it's very intimidating.

"You can come in if you want,” he repeated.

His invitation is tempting but I wonder if he is alone.

"It's just me and Charlie if that's what you are wondering."

How did he know?

"Fine," I muttered and seconds later my body is inside of his warm home.

Charlie is sitting on the couch, I sat down beside him and Harry walked in front of us. I want him to put a shirt on or something because honestly I can't concentrate with him only wearing yellow shorts, it's too much for me.

"I’ll be right back," he said and ran upstairs.

I sighed, releasing air that I didn’t know I was holding. Styles didn't take too long and soon he returned wearing a black shirt and with Sherlock's cage in his hands.

He placed the cage on the coffee table and then he sat on the single sofa. We looked at each other with arms crossed and the only sound between us is Charlie and his toys.

I debated in my mind what I should say, I came for a reason and now I found out about this new surprise. When it comes to Harry there is always something new.

The silence was killing me just like his eyes.

"Harry, this hamster is mine too," I whispered.  "Why did you hide it from me?"

"Why did you forget him?" He answered with another question. First I was surprised, but suddenly I feel a little annoyed.

"Are you really asking me that?" I raised my eyebrows. "I-I was completely devastated after what you did, I thought about the hamster but I didn't want to see you again. I know I would cry like the stupid girl I am and I couldn't do it. I was very devastated, I cried a lot, suffered a lot and ate lots of ice cream and locked myself in my house. Somewhere along the way I forgot about Sherlock because of the evil things you did,” I spoke, not spilling hate but I acted calmly.

We looked at each other and again Charlie's toys are all we can hear. His beautiful green eyes are piercing me but I tried to hold his gaze. He doesn't seem angry or indifferent, he seems thoughtful or nervous or perhaps...hurt?

"You're killing me, Lucy ..."

"Good," I muttered.

"Yes, really good," he said sarcastically.

He sighed, his fingers tangled in his hair. He rubbed his hand against his forehead and then looked at me. Harry opened his mouth but didn't say a word. He thought about it for a few seconds and I think I'll finally hear something.

"If you let me explain, if only we could talk," Harry spoke scratching the back of his neck.

"Explain what? There is nothing else," I replied.

"We should talk, it would be good for us."

"Talk?" He nodded. Talk about what? There is nothing between me and Harry. "Why didn't you remind me about Sherlock?" I asked with my eyes on the cage.

"I don't know," he shrugged and I will not accept such a vague answer.

"There must be a reason," I pressed.

"I love that hamster, Sherlock means a lot to me," he answered and he's being honest and I know by the look in his eyes.

I was not expecting that kind of answer; of course I had no idea that Harry is very fond of the little hamster. My position softened and decided to think about the little hamster.

"That's sweet; I see you've taken good care of him, Harry."

"He's like our son."

"Is?"

Harry nodded. "Yes, why not?"

I sighed and looked at Charlie. Things are still difficult and there is something that binds me to Harry.

"We can share him," I heard his hoarse voice and my eyes met his beautiful face. "We can share Sherlock."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"Thanks," is all that came to my mind. "Can I touch him?"

He smiled and my heart melted."Lucy, Sherlock is yours too."

I opened his cage, I grabbed Sherlock and stroked his fur. He grew a bit and he is chubby and so tender. I barely remember him but it makes me so happy to see him now. I can't believe I forgot Sherlock but the only reason I have is because my mind was full of other things.

"He's so cute."

"I know," Harry sat next to Charlie and his proximity makes me feel nervous.

I felt the small teeth of Sherlock biting my hand and I let out a groan. Harry smiled at the hamster and then at me. He looks...happy?, perhaps delighted that I am with Sherlock.

I remembered that before everything happened we share Sherlock for a couple of weeks. I also remembered the time when we bought the hamster and a question popped into my head.

"You really bought him for me, Harry?"

My question took him by surprise but after a few seconds he finally nodded.

"Yes, I did for you."

"You did it for me?" I blurted out impressed by his words. Did I hear right?

"Yes, it was on your list."

"My-my list? You remember? "

"Yes, I do, it's like stuck in my head."

"My list?" I asked again because it's been months, how does he remember?

"Yes, you wanted an animal and I bought a hamster because I thought it would be easy for us to care."

"Yeah, I wanted an animal."

"It was the easiest because the other things were more complicated. You went to Comic-con with Marcel and you wanted to swim with the dolphins, it was impossible for me at that time. "

"You remember..." I whispered and memories make me feel so sad suddenly.

"Yes, I do, but Lucy, I bet you also remember things about me," he said, stroking Charlie's hair.

He caught me off guard. I took a few seconds to remember a few details about Harry and I answered the first things that came to my mind.

"Ahm, you like to eat ice cream when it rains just like me, you smoke cigarettes when you're stressed and beer is your favorite. Your favorite planet is Jupiter and you always looked at the stars when you were a little boy. Oh and one more thing, you like to cuddle when you sleep. "

"Yes! You remember, wow. How do you know I like to cuddle? We slept together a few times. "

"The few times we did you always cuddle, it was not hard to guess."

"Yes, I love it," Charlie threw a toy to the floor and Harry picked it up. "You were very warm and cozy, that’s why I liked it."

My body temperature rose suddenly and I felt very small because of his confession. He had never said anything like that before.

"Warm and cozy?" I repeated, it is hard to believe.

"Yes, and you always smell good like strawberry or something."

No one has ever commented about my scent.

"Hey, um, did you like it?" I asked without looking up.

"Yes, I like it, if you let me smell you sure I'm right."

My cheeks could not be more flushed. I tucked my strands behind my ear and looked down at Sherlock.

Harry said "I like it", he is using the words in present tense... did he mean it?

"Do you remember anything about me?" I blurted out, letting me go by the strange atmosphere that has been created between us.

"You like to eat ice cream when it rains like me. You want to swim with the dolphins, you don't have a favorite ice cream flavor because you always like to mix and try new combinations. You're a good person but you don't believe in yourself— "

"That is not about me, it's something you think," I interrupted him.

"Fine, I’m sorry. Hm, you like the beach and biking. You love London and the snow and rain. You are super good for poker and hey, you also like to cuddle! "He smiled once he finished the sentence.

I tried to contain my smile and nodded. He learned about me, he knows things about me that others don't. Marcel, my best friend, doesn't know that I like to cuddle or play poker.

"How are you so sure that I like to cuddle?" I dared to look at his green eyes.

"You did it with me," he shrugged, "all the time."

Yes, I did.

"I liked it," he added.

Don't lie, my mind answered.

I realized I'm feeling completely sad, that's not the idea of this so it is better to forget everything we talked a few seconds ago.  I left Sherlock back in his cage and then crossed my arms.

"Harry, I came here to talk about something important with you."

"I'm listening," he looked at me like he was really curious.

I clasped my hands in my lap and decided to finally talk.

"Your mother called me," his expression immediately changed.

"Shit," he cursed.

"Yes, I'd wonder why but I already know. Why didn't you tell your mother that we are not together? "

I tried to think what would be the answer but I have no idea which could be his reasons. Harry hesitated for a few seconds and as always waiting for an answer is a eternity.

"I didn't want to."

"Why?" I asked before holding my breath.

"My mom loves you. Yes, I understand that she has not talked to you in months and that's my fault because I've been avoiding it."

"Why would you do that?"

I can't understand why Harry would create this big lie to hide the truth from his mother.

"I didn't want her to know the truth; the truth is always cruel and mean."

I raised my eyebrows, is that it?

"Harry, I don't think to tell your mother that I was no longer your girlfriend would have been a big deal."

"I know, but she was somehow so...so proud and happy whenever I talked about you."

"What did you say about me?" I questioned curious.

"The things we used to do, Gemma was also happy and for the first time in a long time I felt that I did something good."

"But it was all a lie."

"I know," he sighed. "You were good to me."

I swallowed and I just wanted to run away from here.

"I don't know what you're trying to say but I'm not going and you need to tell the truth."

"But the truth—"

"I know exactly what the truth means, Harry," I sighed feeling tired. "You didn't have problems to tell me the truth,” I said and my voice is neutral, no anger, no sadness.

What came next is just silence, no looks and the atmosphere changed again between us.

"I think we should go for coffee,” he spoke and I looked at him like ‘what?’

He's a mess, he doesn't organize his ideas and I cannot understand him though I'm trying.

"Why would we do that?"

"So we can talk."

"No way," I shook my head. “There is nothing else.”

+

Being at school has never bothered me until today. I was so angry and disappointed that I was barely able to eat my apple. Today was not my day. Cassie is not in the cafeteria and strangely I feel a certain reluctance to talk to Ryan and Mandy. I was not jealous but it bothered me to see them together.

Mandy is smiling now but a few minutes ago she was serious like Ryan and the table was in completely silent. I look at them and sometimes I think their relationship is fake but sometimes I think they have their differences and problems but still choose to be together. If the last option is true, then I find they are very sweet and determined. But what if they are together because they don't want to be alone? It could be true but I would need more evidence to prove my hypothesis.

I pretended to read a book just so they would not know I was spying them. Sometimes Ryan looks at me and I look away. I'm in the same table with them but honestly it looks like I didn't exist. Don't want to be mean but I don't want to be part of their conversation, I don't really want to do anything today. This is the kind of day when you want to be in your bed watching television and eating. I like to do that in the weekend, but it never happens these days so is just a sign that I'm sad.

I don't hate Eric but I just feel very disappointed. We shared a class together and there was an activity today, I didn't have a partner and Eric either, so we had to do it together. He joked as usual but I didn't find it funny because they were jokes about the other people in the classroom, and once he mentioned Marcel and it really pissed me off. His jokes were not so bad when he was my friend, perhaps he truly is like this. I tried to stay neutral and did the activity, well, I did more than Eric but I just wanted to finish so I decided not to say anything about it.

I dislike his attitude, I hate the fact that he said he liked me but now he acts different, maybe he was lying and I believed him. I was angry with myself even more because I must admit I miss him as a friend, we used to have fun together.

I shook my head and closed the book. I have to stop thinking about boys, they are unnecessary and all they do is confuse you, ignore you or play with you or whatever. I should probably lock myself in the little house in my backyard with all the things that make me the person I am and maybe I'd forget everything about them.

Cassie called me and told me she needed my help with a geometry exercise. That was the perfect excuse to get out of here. I said goodbye to the couple and walked looking at the floor.

I was almost getting to the exit, I looked up and there was an obstacle: Harry.

"Hm, hi?" He said with his hands in his pockets.

I appreciated for a few seconds his pretty face and then I pretended interest in my nails. I didn't want to look at Harry because lately his gaze is very intimidating.

"What's up? "I asked and pretended interest in everything around me except him. I really suck because I didn't know where to look.

"I just wanted to know how is Sherlock."

I smiled and nodded. "He's fine."

Due to the fact that my plan was resulting awkward I decided to look at my feet.

"He runs a lot in that little wheel."

"Yes, he is constantly exercising."

"He bites a lot too," I added.

"Yeah, he's like a vampire."

I just laughed because the comment was irrelevant and made no sense.

"I'll bring him tomorrow. Oh and do you have any advice when it comes to clean the cage?"

"Yup! I have a lot of advices, I have learned a lot about hamsters on the internet. Well, first—"

"Never mind, Harry. Hm, I have to go, bye. "

I think I heard a 'bye' but I didn't look back. My question would make him talk more and spend more time together and honestly is a no for me. I have reasons but only 3 came to my mind, first because Harry is intimidating, second because he still remembers things about me and he knows I like to cuddle and that is super secret because I've only cuddle with him and with a teddy bear and third because now we have Sherlock and we are going to see each other a bit more just for the little hamster, so it is better not to share a lot of time and silence the unnecessary conversations.

+

{Harry}

I was watching a Harry Potter marathon on TNT. I threw some popcorn to my mouth and left the bowl on my stomach. I should be doing homework but I'm seriously considering to burning it or say that Sherlock ate it. Neither option is valid so at some point I will have to do the stupid homework.

As I watch the movie I think that Harry Potter's homework is better than the shit they give us. I ate more popcorn and I realize I forgot to bring something to drink. I decided to stay with a dry mouth because I was too lazy to go to the kitchen.

Honestly I was having fun with the film until out of nowhere Emily bursts into my room. Ah shit, now what?

"Hi!" She said closing the door. "I have something for you!" The blonde smiled and placed her hand in her bag to put emphasis to her words.

"Emily, not now," I sat on the bed when she did the same. "I'm watching Harry Potter."

She looked at the TV and then at me with a frown. She ignored my comment and reached for something into her purse.

"I did it two days ago and there are very good," she pulled out her small makeup bag.

"Your makeup?" I joked and she pulled out a small plastic bag.

"I thought it would be good for us to do it together, like old times," she opened the plastic bag and I immediately recognized what was inside of it.

"No."

"But why?" She groaned and stretched a LSD blotter paper. "Come on, together like old times."

"Emily, I don't do that, not anymore," I shook my head.

"But this would be good for us, we did it a couple of times, you remember the fun we had?" She smiled with hope in her blue eyes. I looked at her a couple of seconds and I felt nothing.

The face I used to be in love now causes no feelings in me. The 'love' is over, it just disappeared so fast. I used to adore her and do everything for her but now I just think I've wasted my time. She makes me feel empty, no, actually I should not blame her. I feel empty and Emily can't help me, not with that unbearable attitude. How did I stand her attitude? Oh yeah, probably because I used to be just like her. Dammit, I was an unbearable asshole.

"I'm sorry but no, Emily."

The hopeful look on her face disappeared; she frowned and put the drugs back in her purse. She stared at her lap for a few seconds, then she buried her face in her bag and screamed against the material. She does that when she's frustrated. I don't want her to be here but I allowed her to release her feelings.

She stopped screaming and threw her bag to the floor. A whole mixture of feelings was reflected in her face but she was shooting the anger from her eyes towards me.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and I stretched the bowl of popcorn at her. Emily threw the bowl aside and the popcorn flew everywhere and landed on the floor.

"Thanks," I said sarcastically.

"Look at you! What is wrong with you?! "She demanded shouting.

"Please leave," I stood up and pointed with my index finger at the door.

"No, I want answers!" She shouted, stubborn as always.

"Go, now."

"No, no, no!" She groaned and also stood up.

"Emily is not so difficult to see that I don't want you anymore!" I replied raising my voice. I didn't scream because I don't want to waste my energy with her.

"Why?" She asked. "Why not? I haven't done anything wrong. "

"Because I don't feel like before. Emily, people can change their mind, you know? "

"No, you can't do it!" She shouted, rejecting the truth. "You're a piece of shit, a liar!" She pushed me.

"Well, stop it, Emily," I grabbed her hands and she stepped on my foot. "Shit, stop it. You really need to go. "

"I won't, I don't have anyone else but you."

"Don't lie," I smiled wryly.

"I'm not lying."

"You have a couple of friends, you have your mother and sister and I bet you have Taylor if you go knocking on his door,” Emily slapped me and my cheek itches due to the soft pain.

I'm done, I needed my space. I grabbed a jacket, keys and my wallet.

"Where are you going!?" She followed me downstairs.

"Away from you!" I replied.

Niall and Louis looked at us, both from the couch but no one said a word. I heard how the lamp broke and turned towards her.

"You gonna pay for that!" I pointed the lamp on the floor and she threw an old watch that we had.

"That was mine!" Niall complained.

I opened the door and she grabbed my arm.

"Leave me alone!" I growled and got rid of her grip.

“You idiot, motherfucker!" She yelled as I walked to my car.

A solid object hit my head and she just threw her boot. She has a good aim. I rubbed the injured area and that hurt.

I should not run away but I know she will not leave. I closed the door, turned on the engine and Emily kept yelling profanities from the entrance of the house, I know she would like me to be in front of her shouting back but those are the old times. I felt much better once I'm out of my street and away from the house.

I turned on the radio and drove for a few blocks until I stopped due to a traffic light. I observed my hands on the wheel and I realized I had nowhere to go. I guess I can drive for a few minutes and then think of a place to stay for a couple of hours.

I drove without direction, looking around but not really paying attention. At some point I got distracted and braked aggressively when I realized I was in the beginning of Lucy's street.

"Well, shit," I cursed.

I wanted to reverse the car but something caught my attention. Lucy is on the street, I know she is at the distant but still I can recognize her body. She made a gesture with her hands looking towards her house and I can see that she is not alone. The boy is not Marcel, I'd recognize him, nor is Cameron. Of course, how could I forget? Adam.

I heard a car horn and another car wanted to get into the street. I parked the car several houses away from her but still I could see them. A little boy appeared on the scene and hugged Adam's leg. For a moment I thought it might be his little brother but I'd recognize that blond hair and that blue shirt everywhere. Is Charlie! Why is him with Lucy instead of me? I hate my sister.

For a moment I was about to get out of the car because Charlie can't hug Adam but appear out of nowhere would certainly ruin the moment for them. I didn't want to ruin the moment for Lucinda. The only thing I would do is bother her, I can already imagine her face if she saw me appear out of nowhere and I can imagine how her smile and her whole expression would disappear. She used to smile every time she would see me and I think that's what hurts the most because there is no more smiles or happy faces.

"Dammit," I muttered, and now I realize how much it hurts not to see a single smile from Lucinda to me.

I looked up and Lucy is putting Charlie on his blue tricycles. Mom gave it to Charlie months ago and Gemma was very surprised. Lucy also got on her bike and she moved around Charlie and he chases her with his eyes. Adam crouched in front of Charlie and he had something green on his hand. I think it's a leaf, Adam is a fucking idiot. Charlie threw the leaf to the ground and I felt very proud of him.

Lucinda got off the bike and I think Adam is talking to her. He kissed her cheek and I honked the horn and hid myself quickly. How dare Adam to kiss her cheek in front of Charlie? He is too young to know about such things. Next time I'll get out of the car and go for Charlie.

While Adam was with her bike Lucy sat on the empty street and gave a toy to Charlie. Somehow, without Adam on the scene, I know I should be the third person there. I should be there and not Adam. Lucinda and I with our bikes and Charlie with his toys and tricycle, just for a moment until the true reality slaps me in the face. Probably that would never happen because I am the biggest son of a bitch.

Lucinda and Adam changed shift and now she is riding her bike. Her long hair moved due to the wind and her body away from my vision as she pedaled in the opposite direction to mine.

I remember one day we went out with our bikes, it was like a date. The funny and unexpected was the fact that I fell while trying to impress her. No idea how I fell but I was very embarrassed. I thought Lucinda would laugh but she just ducked and asked if I was okay. I was so embarrassed and nervous that I told a few jokes, it was not really a smart move to do that to be honest. Despite my stupid jokes Lucinda laughed and then I realized I liked her laugh so much that I could not help but smile. I don't know why but I thought she was the most adorable and kind human being I've ever met. I always knew there would never be another person like Lucinda.

She came back with Adam and they sat in the empty street, chatted while Lucy played with Charlie. I looked away and leaned my forehead against the window glass. The space around me felt smaller and cold and hostile. I pressed my forehead harder against the glass and I feel...something, I feel devastated and hopeless. And everything is for a girl, for the guilt I can't forget, because all I ever wanted is no longer any interest for me. I don't chase anything but her; somehow the road always brings me back to Lucy but it doesn't really matter because it feels as if we were a million miles away.

I looked at them and they are still talking. I don't have to guess to know they are happy and that really bothers me. Lucinda and Adam are in peace and having fun while I live in the chaos that is to stand Emily and how lost I feel.

She laughed and threw her head back. I frowned and I hate that Adam is the guy that is making her laugh, I never liked him. I crossed my arms and stared at Lucinda from the distance. Why do I think she is becoming happier when I'm going completely miserable?

My problem is not only Lucy but is everything; I think I'm having a teenage crisis. I grabbed my phone and checked my contact list, I didn't know who to call, didn't know who to ask for help. I took a deep breath as I felt the car getting smaller.

Maybe is not the best idea but call Barbara could help. She works with my mother and sometimes we used to talk. I really think that is the worst idea to call her but she is older and is a woman and should have knowledge that could help me. For a moment I thought about calling Gemma but I'd have to avoid talking about Lucy and I needed to talk to someone about her so my sister was not an option. I also considered Angelina but I didn’t know if she would like to hear my problems.

"Please answer, please answer," I repeated as I waited for her to answer the call.

“Harry? What happened, kid?” Barbara answered curios.

"Barbara, I need you," I said and the car was too small and I was feeling too small and insignificant.

"Harry, I have 58 years old we can't be together," she joked and I would laugh but I'm starting to feel desperate.

I looked at Lucy and Adam grabs her hand and helps her up. "Barbara, I need advice, help."

"Like a therapy?" She asked and I nodded although she wasn't watching me.

"Yes, now, I-I need to talk right now," I closed my eyes just for not to see Adam hugging Lucy.

"Are you okay? You don't listen very well, Harry. "

"It could be in the bakery, is my mother there? It's just that, hm, I don't want to see her."

"No, it's just me and other co-workers and there are not a lot of people so you can come right now."

"Fine, thanks."

"Can I ask what happened?"

"Hm, a lot of things."

"Does involves a girl?"

"No, I mean, something like that..., actually, yes," I took a deep breath and started the engine. To my luck Lucy, and Charlie Adam were no longer on the street.

"I will make tea, see you."

"Thanks," I hung up the phone and left it on the empty seat beside me. 

I needed help, I needed to talk about life, about how desperate and devastated I was feeling and somehow I didn't want to admit it but I knew deep down that everything is about this one person: Lucy.

+

Hi everyone! I was inactive bc I have exams and I have to study a lot. I wrote this on the week on my break time. Anyway hope you like it, love ya xx

I hope you can see the picture bc that is how I imagine Lucy ( a younger version of Lily).

ps: Your favorite tv show? Mine is Sherlock, games of thrones and friends.

ps2: Has anyone seen 'breaking bad'????