>Hi! How is everyone? My vacation is almost over and I want to jump out of the window!!

>I just want to say that there is a lot of narration on this chapter (I'm sorry I had to do it) and I hope you like it. Love you all and stay fab

[Lucy]

My arms hugging my knees stronger until I feel a slight pain for the pressure. The cold clings to my skin and my bones. My eyes focused on the floor and I'm not seeing the carpet of the living room, I'm seeing broken glass and the papers I received. This time the pieces of papers are stained, crimson is the color and it's blood, I feel it is my blood. It might be an exaggeration, but I am scared. These papers are a threat or a bad joke. But even if it was a bad joke someone is harassing me and stalking is dangerous.

It scares me because someone saw me that night, someone saw the fact I was wearing a necklace with a moon pendant. It is a detail, too small and someone saw it. Which means someone was watching me that night...But who? Why?

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I scream really hard.

"What the hell Lucy! Are you okay? "Eric kneels in front of me and his blue eyes meet mine.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine," I blinked a couple of times looking around just to confirm that I'm really at my house.

"I brought your hot chocolate."

Eric hands me a white cup and I pressed my fingers hard against the mug to feel the heat. He sits beside me on the couch and taking the courage I rest my cheek on his shoulder.

Eric prepares a delicious cup of hot chocolate, not hot enough to burn your tongue but is at the right temperature and the chocolate taste amazing.

We are watching a film of magicians and tricks and it’s very interesting. We laughed a few times and looked surprised when unexpected things happened.

"What is this?" Eric leans over and picks up a book from the pile on the coffee table in front of us. "End of the Game."

"Have you read it?" I leave the cup aside and tie my hair in a ponytail.

"Only a few but for the school. It sucks you know? "He crinkles his nose while his fingers flip the pages.

"It doesn't suck, they are great," I snatched the book and hold it in my arms.

"What's your favorite?"

"The night face up," I whispered.

I read that story to Harry and I won't do it to Eric. My favorite story was dedicated to him in my moment of weakness, when I trusted him and it is better to remain that way and stayed with him and in my memory. It's a nice memory, we were really happy at that time and I think Harry really liked it.

"The hot chocolate is very good," I say trying to change the conversation and put aside the book. "We should putting on marshmallows."

"For next time."

"The latest salsa class was great, thanks again."

He nods before taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

"What do we do now? What's on your mind?"

"I don't know, it could be anything. You need to talk about your fears which doesn't necessarily have to be now, need to feel better in your body, you need to be able to laugh over yourself, being able to talk about your mistakes, what hurts and not keep it to yourself and the list could go on. "

"Okay, I can do it, I know."

"You need to be brave and dare to do more things and not depend on anyone to do them."

"Where did you learn all that?"

"Life teaches you," he shrugs. "You learn in the wrong way or in hard times."

"I still don't understand why you're helping me."

"I don't like Harry, that's all."

"You know that doesn't speak well of you right? I think it was not even an appropriate answer. You just make me feel like an object. "

"Good, you told what you feel. And um, no, it was not my intention but help will make you feel better and I don't think Harry wants to see you that way."

"I'm not sure about that."

"Oh please Lucy, don't tell me that your conversation with him softened your heart," Eric smiles and shakes his head and his voice is bitter for me.

"It didn't soften my heart but he has no plans to hurt me—"

"Because he doesn't care about you," Eric cuts me off and his answer shocked me.

"There was no need to say that."

"Truth hurts."

His words are crude and it itches in my hands. I grab the cup and pretend I'm drinking hot chocolate.

"You must act as if you don't mind even if it is not true. Right now I see a girl who was hurt but still cares about that guy. You should at least try not to look like that."

"You're a nice guy... I-I just think sometimes you should measure your words."

"I know, I know, I'll try to do it Lucy."

"Alright. And also you gave me a kind of kiss and it’s been a couple of weeks and I still wonder why you did it. "

Eric chuckles and shakes his head.

"It was just an impulse but what guys hate most is to see that, just thought it would be a good idea."

"Um, I see...Just an impulse?" Eric nods.

"But if you let me kiss you now it wouldn't be an impulse."

His words take me off guard and crimson color appears on my cheeks. I step back and my back hits the inner arm of the couch. I'm stuck between the couch and Eric in front of me.

He twists one corner of his lip into a smile and my heart beats fast.

"You look like a frightened baby animal," he whispers, his voice echoing in my mind.

I don't look like, I am.

The palms of his hands rest on my knees and I regret the fact I'm wearing shorts today.

"Go ahead, I won't bite," his chin rest on one of my knees and I didn't react. "Won't bite except you want to," he smiles and if that is an attempt to calm things down is not helping.

"Face your fears."

"I-I'm not afraid of you," I whispered in reply.

"Then prove it."

I think this is unnecessary and I don't have to prove anything to Eric. But I think it's just a kiss, it's not like he was going to kill me or something. I'm not afraid to Eric, only boys in general and the way they make me feel or to summarize it in a name I’m talking about Harry.

It's just a kiss and I also feel attracted to him, he's handsome, he's funny and he's helping me. Plus Eric told me once I should enjoy, I'm young and life is only one. In a few years this will only be a distant memory and it will be funny and be something worth remembering. Stop thinking too much and just do it!

Slowly I put my legs down, leaving me unprotected and exposed in front of him. He approaches towards me and I support my hand on his chest when our faces are inches away.

"Wait do-do you feel attracted to me?"

"I wouldn't do it if I weren't," he replies in a whisper and I nod slowly.

As soon as I feel Eric's lips I think this hasn't been a good idea but it is too late, at least I should try to get it right. His fingers rests against the back of my neck as my tongue follow his. Is not a passionate kiss but rather quiet.

My arms wrap around his neck and his hands gently pulling me towards him. Somehow I end up sitting on his lap and the heat travels through my body. My fingers pull Eric's hair a little harder and I heard a growl coming from his throat. Oh my goodness.

I parted from him and I realize I'm gasping for air. My lips are burning and I think this somehow was intense. His cheeks are slightly flushed and his lips parted, he’s gasping for air as I do.

"Did you just pull my hair?"

"Did you just growl because I pulled your hair?"

He giggles and one of his hands rest on my back.

"Not bad Fray," he murmurs.

Eric pressed his lips against mine in a short kiss and I shudder.

"Ca-can we keep this as a secret?"

"Sure Fray," he smiles and somehow I let him kiss me again.

+

+

The summer passed as quickly as a poem as fast as the rain and a couple of blinks the seasons changed.

The final exams were stressful, I studied a lot, it's the best I can do. I focused, I cleared my mind of any problem and only dedicated myself to those exams and I didn't fail. I helped Cassie, Mandy, Eric and even Ryan, helped them to study or answer if they had any questions.

The school year ended and I realized that many things had changed, things I never thought. Two types of Lucy crossed this school this year, the first Lucy was the girl who barely wanted to exist and couldn't speak without stuttering, then the second is not stuttering anymore, I'm slowly being able to express my feelings or thoughts and I feel a little more confident, I believe a bit more in myself.

I saw Harry a couple of times and I'm really glad that he managed to finish this year, I didn't want him to repeat and it would be worse for him. On our last chemistry test our eyes met and his green eyes never cease to amaze me. I couldn't help the blush on my cheeks and the sweat on my hands; these are the effects he has on me.

Madison graduated, the whole family went and Mike was very proud, more than proud and I think for a moment he thought she wasn't going to make it. Although Madison is grumpy and not a good sister to me I would never wish any harm to her and I'm glad she graduated. It was a nice ceremony and mom couldn't stop repeating how proud she would be of me when it was my turn to graduate. That was certainly a surprise to me because time passed quite fast and my school year at some point will reach the end and time is ticking.

I decided to let myself go this summer, it was almost 3 months and I had to enjoy it somehow. I saw Marcel every time I could; I read comics with Adam, I went shopping with Cassie but never bought anything for me and took Ryan and Mandy to salsa classes. I told Eric that they were going through some sort of crisis and his best advice was to take them to dance classes. It was fun because I had the company of a friend but sometimes uncomfortable because Eric was flirting too much with me and I think Ryan just didn't like the idea. Basically we are not friends anymore I don't understand his attitude.

I decided to give a chance to Madison; I was feeling really bad because most of her friends were going to leave after summer. I wanted to support her somehow; I didn't want her to feel alone. Madison wanted to go to New York to see her brother and Mike agreed but with the condition that I had to go with her. Clearly Madison didn't like the idea and my plans to make peace with her vanished. Although she didn't want me there I wouldn't miss the chance to go.

We spent two weeks there in the apartment of her brother, he was nice but Madison barely spoke to me. I searched on the internet all the tourist spots which I could visit and every day I left alone to walk around the city. Madison and her brother were always hangover and went out almost every night, he invited me to their parties but I always refused.

I'd be lying if I said that Harry didn't cross my mind. I found the book never let me go and then after 4 months I finally read the quote that he read to me that afternoon. It was always sad but now all those words are nostalgic and depressing.

“It's a shame, Kath, because we've loved each other all our lives. But in the end, we can't stay together forever.”

I just wish it were true this last part, that we love each other, that he could love me and life was difficult for us and we couldn't stay together.

A couple of times I find myself laughing at things we did. I laughed a lot when I remembered that Harry threw Eric to the pool in the New Year party. His words still makes my heart flutter but perhaps he said it because he was high.

"Leave my girl alone!" I hear a male voice.

"Fuck you Styles!" Eric yells once his head is on the surface.

The times I think more about Harry is when it rains. It rained a couple of times this summer and I was left hours looking through the window. There was a time in which we went out with our bikes and it rained, we spent such a good time, I think it was one of the best dates we had during the months we were together.

Go to New York made ​​my summer, it was an amazing experience. The city is magical and the places I visited were spectacular, I enjoyed every little detail as long as I could and it was sad when we left.

This summer was a mixture of many different things and had a pinch of everything: Adventure, happiness, moments of sadness, laughter and love. Yes, love. I'm with Eric, our relationship is certainly odd but we respect each other and he is nice and I certainly trust him. We had fun and we always have something to talk about. We practice karate, it helps you to relax and release tension and it was really an amazing experience.

He helped me, I slowly began to tell him about certain things about me but not everything, I wasn't able to do with Harry and he will not be the first. I told him about my fear of spiders, I told him how much I like the sky and summer, the salty water and the sand on my feet but I wasn't able to talk about my love for the Beatles, my passion for the universe, talking about my brother or my fear of loneliness and rejection or about the list of things I want to do before I die because all those things belong to Harry. Being with Eric has done me good but sometimes I realize that he is not Harry and he will never be.

Nobody is perfect so there were some problems with Eric. I was a little disappointed to find out that he had lied to me on a couple of things. He told me he had a sister but when I went to his house they were three other brothers of which Eric never spoke to me, stepbrothers would be the right word. He said he had a good relationship with his father but when his mother spoke to me she told that they didn't speak with his father since he left the house about 5 years ago.

Chloe is his best friend, she is always with him, always hugging each other and they always talk for hours and thanks to her I found out she was his ex-girlfriend. I didn't talk to Eric about the lie involving his father but I definitely talked about Chloe, he had told me she was just his friend. Certainly it was all a bit disappointing for me. I really don't want Eric to disappoint me, he has helped me so much and I don't want all this to be a lie because it would break me, it would everything I've been building about myself so hard.

As I said before the summer went by so fast as reading a poem, fast as the rain and a couple of blinks I'm on my last weekend before going back to school.

Saturday night and a boy named Dylan is throwing the last party before the end of holidays. Eric is his friend so he invited us and Cassie would never say no. What I find strange is that Eric doesn't want to go but kindly offered to take me and Cassie to the party. I want to stay with him but Cassie needs me, she is sad and says I'm her lucky charm.

"Well, we're here," Eric says as soon as he parks his car.

"Thanks for the beer, bye!" Cassie replied and quickly escapes from the car and waits outside.

"Thanks for the beer and Cassie and I--"

"You're welcome and you don't need to return the money that would not be right," he says as his fingers pushed a few strands of hair behind my ear.

"You sure you don't want to go?" I asked again and he nods in response.

"I have to look after my brothers and this is not the last party in the world."

"I want to stay with you—"

"I know, I know, but Cassie is sad and needs you and blah, blah, blah."

"Come on Lucy, we are ready to celebrate and get some boys!" Cassie squeals from outside and she is very impatient.

"Get some boys?" Eric raises an eyebrow and I shake my head.

"It's a long story and I have to go."

"Don't have too much fun Fray," he says jokingly.

I undid the seat belt and gave a quick kiss to Eric before getting off the car. Cassie grabs my arm and almost dragged me inside the house.

We go straight to the kitchen and Cassie manages to get two cans of beer from the refrigerator. The kitchen is full of people so we stayed in the hallway.

"You're my lucky charm, my last relationship was with Matt and I met him because you were with me at that party, remember?"

That was the same party I met Harry but I don't think I'll meet another version of Harry so I'm safe.

"I could never come here alone and you encourage me."

"Well, you should walk around to see if you see someone interesting."

"You think?" I nod at her response and Cassie quickly starts to drink her beer. "I hate Matt, I hate Matt, I forgot that bastard, I did," she muttered more to herself than to me.

I don't judge my friend because I fully understand her attitude. I would never do what she does and try to know guys this way but it's is her life and there is nothing wrong with that. Once Cassie is gone and I am alone I do what I do best: Explore the house. I think it's starting to be a hobby and it's like an adventure to me.

The house is not that big and there are a lot of people but not the crowd I used to see in other parties. Is not hard to memorize the house and remember the faces of some people. I find some painting with landscapes like the sunset or the ocean or desert, they are beautiful and I take the time to observe them because I have nothing else to do.

My steps lead me to the backyard and there is a trampoline, some girls are jumping around and there's a guy in the middle but what catches my attention is the dog inside of the trampoline. These people are drunk and could probably hurt the dog.

"Hey girl the dog stays here!" Screams a girl from the trampoline as soon as my arms wrapped the puppy.

"But-but you could hurt him."

"It's fine Kourtney we don't even care about the dog, let the girl have it!" A female voice comes from behind me and I turn around to see a blond girl sitting on the grass.

Kourtney doesn't respond and I took a seat in a chair close to the blonde. I stroke the puppy and his tongue slides down my arm.

"You're very cute," I whisper. "Ahm, excuse me but who is the owner of the dog? The puppy can't be here alone. "

"It's Dylan's dog but he is drunk so the puppy is on his own tonight."

The girl drink all the liquid from her glass before lighting a cigarette. I play with the puppy and her attitude so sad catches my attention. I'm about to ask something but someone called her and she answered right away.

"What the hell you want!? No, I won't tell you. I'm mad at you or are you deaf? God you're so stupid," she throws her head back before exhaling the cigarette smoke. "Hearing you give me headaches, fuck you, bye."

"Ahm sorry but are you okay?" I asked quietly.

She looks at me for a few seconds, I'm afraid she will be mad at me for my inappropriate question but she just sighs.

"Sort of, I had a stupid fight with my stupid boyfriend."

"Sorry."

"I fucking hate him, why are guys so stupid?" She rolls her eyes and exhales a cloud of smoke.

"Sorry."

"Whatever."

She pulls out a bottle of vodka that was next to her and drinks big gulps without feeling disgust or be affected by the strong flavor of the drink. She wipes her lips with the back of her hand and puts the cigarette on her mouth.

"I hate unpunctual people, I asked him to pick me up at the airport and waited for an hour like stupid. I took a taxi and went to his house and the bastard was sleeping because he was high and didn't even remember about the airport. I hit him in the balls because he deserved it, hope he can't have children. "

She curses a lot and she is quite rude but I can understand why she's upset, I'd be angry too but wouldn't do anything violent.

"Do you have any lipstick? I'm looking disgusting and--Forget it  you're not wearing makeup. "

"Sorry."

She stretches her legs on the grass and I spotted a couple of tattoos on her thighs.

"Ahm is-is that a penis?" I asked confused as my fingers point to a small tattoo that is hidden among others.

"Such a curious girl," she says, not very friendly but nods. "Yes, I have a c*ck tattoo so?"

"It's...it's interesting," is all I say because I never thought I'd see a tattoo like this.

"I love c*cks," she smiles and holds the bottle with one hand. "What about you or are you a lesbian? I respect that by the way. "

"What? Ahm, no, no, I like penis too, "I reply feeling awkward and she giggles for my answer.

"You are virgin and I can smell it from here. Please tell me you're not one of those girls who wait until marriage—"

"No, I'm not but that was very rude."

"Well, I am rude," she pulled a cigarette to me and I shake my head. "Ugly dog," she mutters and exhale the smoke toward the puppy.

"Don't do that again," I murmur and grab the pet in my arms.

She ignored my words and drinks a little more from the bottle of vodka.

"I bet you've never seen a d.ick in your life and I wonder what you're waiting to do it."

"I've seen it! They have a prepuce and scrotum and they ar-are big and sometimes-"

She laughs interrupting my clumsy words and I still don't know what I'm here I'm almost a joke to her.

"Oh-my-God, worst graphic description ever. You are a terrible liar but you're funny what's your name? "

"Lucinda."

"Lucinda the girl that has never seen a d.ick my name is Emily."