-I just updated more often because I'm on vacation, but will not last long: (

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[Lucy]

"What d-do you want to talk?" I swallow because my throat is dry.

Harry throws his hands into his pocket and lets out a heavy sigh. The anticipation is killing me and I need to hear his answer.

You need to be strong.

"Um, I came to...I came to apologize."

Apologize? He must be joking.

"For what I did," he speaks and his voice is low and he never talks like that. "It was wrong and I'm sorry."

I laugh, I really did, and Harry looked at me confused. He must be joking.

"Are you serious?" I ask and my voice is full of bitterness. "You think you can come and say sorry!? What do you expect?!" I don't care I'm on the verge of yelling.

"I-I really don't know, I just came, was an impulse a-and—"

"Harry is been months since it happened and now you come to apologize?"

"I-I tried to move on but you were in my mind and everything was eating me alive!" He growls and my heart stops. In his mind? "I'm a mess, I'm very slow, I suck at these things and you should know because you know me and we were in a relationship—"

"A fake relationship," I interrupt and correct his words for him. Everything was fake, he should remember that as I do. "A fake relationship," I say aloud more to myself than to him.

"Yes but—"

"But you lied to me and used me," I should be crying, I need to but not now. "And I trusted you!"

He slid his long fingers through his not so curly hair and sighs. He is a bit shocked, he looks lost and confused. He can't defend himself, there is no way in the world that he has the right about something.

"I was feeling very guilty, guiltier than ever so I came; I just needed to say it."

"You know I can't accept it," I speak and my voice is tense and weak at the same time.

"For a moment I hoped so."

I'm so angry, so angry right now.

"You can't be serious. Maybe I'm stupid, weak and naive but I have some respect for myself if you thought I was going to forgive you so easily."

"Uuggh!" he grunts and rubs his hands against his face. "I don't know why I thought I could fix things."

"Fix things? I don't think there can be nothing between us. "

He looks to me as soon as he heard my words. Harry nods as he bites her lower lip. Focus!

"You thought I was going to forgive you and we would be friends or something?"

"No, but—"

"Shut up!" I scream and he looks surprised. "You used me, played with me like I was a toy. I was in love with you and I was about to say it but you ruined everything! "

I don't care if I say the word in love in past tense, I know I'm lying to myself because I'm still in love with him and I know it in my heart but I needed to say to make him feel worse or something. Or so I'd like. For a moment I wish we were just a couple having a common problem but this is completely different.

He remains silent for seconds that feel timeless, analyzing what I just said. His face lost color and his expression is pure confusion. Harry shakes his head and frowns.

"I didn't do it because I wanted!" He responds raising his voice and the reaction takes me by surprise. "You don't know the truth, you just assume things."

"I'm not assuming anything."

"Things are more complicated than you think but you always live in your little world—"

"Enough!" I push him and I wish I was stronger. I don't want to keep listening. "Enough, enough!"

"What the hell?! Why are you so violent Lucy!?"Harry blurts out while he steps back and I keep pushing and pushing him. "Stop hitting me with your tiny little hands! Stop it!"

My body stops and he grabs my wrists. We looked at each other and frowned. The moment is intense and my heart beats hard against my chest. His eyes scanned my face and I shudder for the action.

"Your braid is a little messy," Harry puts a smile on his lips and I'm speechless. He must be joking.

"What's wrong with you?" I spat as I fix my glasses. "You think this is funny?"

"What? No, no," he released me and the smile disappears.

"I can't believe it," I mutter to myself and my fingers squeeze my temples. "Is this a joke to you?!"

"No, of course not!" He answered with a vein in his neck.

"Apparently so because you talk about my braid as if everything is normal and you appear out of nowhere to apologize when you know it's really bad!" My head and my throat hurts but on the other hand I'm letting everything go.

He wrinkles his nose and looks down, avoiding my gaze. "We have never argued Lucy."

Somehow his words take me by surprise and my body loses the strength. I hold my breath while my heart in my chest tightens. And again I wish we were just a normal couple having a simple discussion but that will never be us. I'm broken and hurt and he feels guilty but I can't accept his apologies, I can't trust him and that is why we could never be a couple as I would like.

It takes years for me to answer but it doesn't seem to bother Harry. Time stops for the two and it seems like this conversation last forever. I'm seeking for words and the strength to respond.

"These are not the old days..." I whisper, "We're not the same..."

I think it's the most simple and obvious words, we will never be again the same.

"I guess I always knew it but I just needed to see and to feel it to admit," he replied, his voice is calm.

He's so quiet that bothers me, I want him to scream, I want him to be mad, I want Harry to talk, I want to push, to hit, to kick him and more than that... I just want so many things from Harry Styles but I never will get more than this.

I take a deep breath and he raises his eyes to me.

"Is that all?"

"I think, is kind of a closure between the two."

"This is a goodbye Harry," I reply with the pain in the soul.

"You should know that everything I said was not true, I care about you,"

"You should know that I can't believe you and your words a-are in vain."

"If I didn't care I would not have saved you from Cameron nor taken you to hospital."

"You did it for pity, I know."

"I lied okay? I was too cruel to you and you didn't deserve it and I'm sorry. If you think I did it for pity you are very wrong but it depends on you, just thought you should know. Um, I-I brought the record player you gave me at Christmas. "

"No, don't, you can keep it."

I can't afford to have memories of Harry, no more than I have already.

"I insist, you gave it to me and I don't deserve it."

"Just keep it," I whisper and I hope he obeys. At the time I gave him he deserved and that's all that matters.

He sighs and nods. "For the love we have for the Beatles you can also stay with the vinyl records, they belong only to you."

"It's not like I was thinking to give it back anyway," the words came out of my mouth and it's a sort of a joke.

His dimples appear when Harry smiled at my words and my heart flutters because the smile he is showing to me my favorite. But the moment didn't last long because in matter of seconds our smiles fades and everything becomes gray.

"That was weird," he mumbles.

"Definitely," I muttered back.

"Um, you know, you're joining me, you will live not for the rest of your life but you will live with this hatred inside just like me."

"Does it really matter? I'll see what I can do with it. "

"I'm sorry it was you."

"I'm sorry too."

"You never let me to explain but I know you're not ready for the truth, for all that happened and blah, blah."

No, I'm not.

"It doesn't matter because nothing will change what you did."

Harry shrugs but nods. "Um, guess you are are, I--um, goodbye Lucy."

I swallow and I hold my tears. "Goodbye Harry."

My arms are wrapped around me. I feel alone without Harry I feel alone.

The guy who came to apologize walks away with empty pockets. I see Harry get into his car and I don't move until the car is out of my sight, that's when I finally burst into tears.

I cover my face while weeping inconsolably. It was painful but I'm glad that Harry has come, this was what we needed...an end, our end.

+

+

"You should thank me for rescue you tonight," Eric said as his fingers play with a bottle.

"I was having fun alone," I speak quietly but loud enough for him to listen.

"Having fun? I think being in pajamas and with ice cream while watching TV is fun."

"Indeed yes!" I talked over the music and took a sip of my beer.

"Pajamas, ice cream, television and Harry Styles let me think...," Eric pretends to think the whole situation. "Nope, I definitely saved you."

I will sum the situation: Today is Friday and Eric showed up at my house to "cheer me up". Yes, I've been depressed all week because of Harry and our goodbye. Eric thought it would be a good idea to go out and stay up all night so here we are again at some club in this city. This time I didn't want to go alone so I called Marcel, the most surprising thing was that he did accept. I called Cassie and Mandy but both had different plans.

"Your friend is funny," Eric responds with his mouth full of French fries.

"He's special," I sigh and lean my cheek on my hand.

"And he likes to drink, as his cousin, he is a true Styles."

"Marcel didn't drink too much or I am wrong? I didn't realize. "

"Yes, sort of, and you didn't notice because you were having a mental breakdown."

"Liar. Why did you say that Marcel is a true Styles?"

"When I was a friend of Harry, we were super stupid, and most of the time we spent drinking. Once some of his cousins ​​came to visit and we went to a party and ended up in the hospital, one of them ended intoxicated but it was a great adventure, "Eric giggles. "The Styles like to drink, believe me."

"Do you know Gemma?"

"Yes, she's...nice," he answers short and without talking much about the subject which is strange because Eric always has something more to say.

"Ten minutes more and we will look to Marcel."

"Maybe he's dancing..."

"What did he say when he left? I don't remember. "

Eric's fingers pressed his nose before answering.

"I'm going to explore the place," he answers imitating the voice of Marcel and I laugh.

"That was very cruel!" I try not to laugh because he's my best friend and I can't let Eric make fun of him.

"I couldn't help sorry," he looks away and smiles. "Found your friend and he's coming."

"Lucy, Lucy!" Marcel rests his hands on the table and looks at me. "You don't know what happened to me!"

"Where are your glasses?"

"I have them," Eric holds the glasses and gives them to Marcel.

"I have to tell a story don't interrupt me!" Marcel grabs my bottle and drinks a sip of beer. "I have the number of a girl!"

My jaw dropped, and Eric starts clapping.

"Good job," Eric congratulates him.

I have no words. He is my friend and he is shy and sucks at love and at flirting and still got the number of a girl. Oh no, he is growing.

Marcel sits next to me and grabs some fries from Eric's plate.

"I have the number of a girl but still I love you Lucy," Marcel rests his head on my shoulder and my eyes widen in surprise.

Eric stifles a laugh and my cheeks are flushed. I thought Marcel had no feelings for me anymore but I was wrong.

"Your hair is very soft," Marcel speaks, his fingers playing with a lock of my hair.

"We have to go."

"It's like 3 am it is super early," Eric whines and Marcel hugs me.

"He is not well, we should take him home."

"So we can stay alone?" Eric raises an eyebrow and I blushed.

"Please, let's go."

Eric nodded and together we help Marcel to leave the club. He didn't drink much or maybe I didn't realize. The only good thing he is not that drunk, he could be worse, maybe he's just very loving.

"Lucy, Lucy please stay with me," Marcel says when he gets into the back of the car.

"Okay," I sit beside him and close the door.

"While I was exploring I decide to buy tequila, it was not the best decision Lucy," Marcel rests his head on my shoulder.

"Definitely was not your best decision," Eric speaks from the front seat. "Did you have fun Marcel?"

"Yes, a lot!" He squeals smiling. "Lucy, you know that once Harry called me asking about your favorite places?"

"What?" I was about to get into a state of shock.

"Yeah, he called me and I didn't want to say but he was insisting too much" Marcel rolls his eyes.

"Really?" I sigh and I feel stupid because a smile is dancing on my face but only for a couple of seconds.

"I never told you because I was jealous," he pouts and then his eyes move to the window. "I was jealous because my cousin is sexy and I knew you were going to fall in love with him," he admits and sounds sad.

Oh no, why Marcel had to get drunk and say such things? I honestly don't know what to say so I just rub my hand on his back, I'm just trying to comforting him.

It didn't take too much to get to Marcel's house, I helped him get out of the car and we walked to his house. Eric waits outside while I took Marcel to his room. We try to be quiet and careful; I think Marcel's mother would not like to know about his condition right now.

I turn around while Marcel changes his clothes and when he is ready I helped him to get into his bed.

"Can you get me a glass of water?" He mumbles when I turn off the lava lamp.

"Sure."

I go to the kitchen for the water and return on tiptoes to his room.

"Thanks Lucy and cute necklace," his fingers touch the necklace with the moon pendant.

"Thanks Marcel, good night," I whisper as I tuck him into the sheets.

"I'm a little drunk please forget the fact that I said I love you," he says with his eyes closed.

He is very sweet, Marcel is too good. I'm in love with his cousin; I could never deserve his love. I don't answer, I close the door quietly and I descend the stairs like a ninja. Once I'm out I run to Eric's car and he drives to my house.

While he drives I look at him for a couple of times, he looks handsome today, he is wearing a black shirt and his hair is a mess by the fluttering of the cold air entering the car.

"You were looking at me," I hear Eric and I smiled.

I turn towards him but I froze for a moment because Eric is not who is driving...is Harry, the green-eyed boy smiles showing me his dimples and my heart stops.

"What? What happened?" I shake my head and Eric's appears in front of me. Am I going insane?

"Nothing, nothing," I muttered and my eyes focused on the road until we got to my house. "Thanks for today, I needed to get out for a while."

"Yes, I could tell. I think what you did Lucy was very brave, face Harry and talk to him. "

"Yeah, I guess."

"It was brave and I'm proud of you. I'm glad you have given closure to your thing. "

"Yeah, me too," I gave him a fake smile. "Harry is so silly, he has always been, I thought it was funny the fact he came to apologize as if nothing had happened. It was naive of him I even found it sweet and that makes me feel stupid."

"You're not stupid, it can happen," Eric rests a hand on my shoulder and I looked at him. We have no demonstration of affection between us, except that little kiss we shared which I don't approve.

"Your friend Marcel, poor kid, forever in the friend zone," he smiles and I blush, not for his comment but his smile, is cute.

"I feel really bad, he is my friend, like a brother and I could never feel anything for him," I sighed.

"Well you can't always get what you want."

As Harry for example.

"Yes, you're right," I look down and Eric's hand is still in my shoulder. "Ahm, I gotta go, thanks for everything," the heat inside the car is beginning to affect me and Eric's hand too.

"Goodnight Lucy."

I get off the car and wave at him before heading to my house. I leave my bag on the couch and go to the kitchen. I get rid of my shoes, I leave my necklace with the moon pendant on the counter and pour myself some water. The whole house is quiet and everyone should be sleeping.

I check my phone and I have some old Harry messages, messages I don't dare to erase. I have tried to do but I'm never able to press the 'delete' button. I sigh as my fingers slide down through all the messages. There are not too many, there was no need to send that much because we spent all day together, first in school and after we always went for a walk or to eat or to his place or mine. Life is sad.

I almost jumped when I heard the sound of a blow, something hitting wood. I hear another noise and the chills run through my skin. I leave the cell and the glass on the counter and walked to the living room, the sound came from here. Nothing, each of the furniture still in its place. My steps lead me to the entrance window and move the curtain just a little, enough to have a vision of the outside. All dark and dimly lit by light poles of the street.

Curiosity is strong and it pushes my body to the door, slid my fingers through the handle and on the carpet of the entrance of the house there are two rocks, not small but not huge. My door has a slight black line caused by the hit of the rocks. I look around and I'm the only person outside. Whoever did this ran away it's obvious.

I kneel in front of the rocks and grab it, my eyes focused on the carpet and I see a white piece of paper. I leave aside the rocks, slowly extending my arm and grabbed the paper between my fingers. I hold my breath, I'm about to scream.

Cute moon necklace Lucy.