Hi, thanks for wait and make sure to read the author's note bc it's important :)

love you all xx

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HARRY

I walk out of the kitchen and I go straight to the backyard. I push some people and I try to spot Lucy somewhere.

"Lucy, Lucy!" I say but she didn't answer, she can't hear me among all music.

Where the hell is Lucy? Where the hell is Taylor? Where is Niall or Liam? Where the hell is everybody?!

"Watch out idiot!" Someone tells me when a glass falls on the floor but I ignore the person and I keep looking.

"Lucy, Lucy!"

I see a blond hair and I recognize Niall. He's drinking with a group of guys. Finally a familiar face.

"Niall! Have you seen Lucy?"

"What? Why? "

"She's been drugged and now she is lost, I don't know where Lucy is and I'm afraid that someone will take advantage of her."

"Hey, calm down, don't freak out"

"She's somewhere in this damn house Niall! She's stoned! And you want me to calm down?" I yelled.

"Jesus, calm down, I will help you" He answers and follows me.

We search for Lucy but no sign of her. I see girls in white dresses but none of them is Lucy. I spot a girl like Lucinda, I think I found her. I walk towards her and I almost yelled at her when I realize that's not Lucy. The girl looks scared at me and I apologize.

I see a girl dressed as playboy bunny, I focus my vision and I spotted Cassie with a group of girls.

Maybe she saw Lucy.

She sees me when I'm near to her.

"Hey Cassie Have you seen ...?"

"Don't talk to me" She interrupted me.

Maybe Lucy can stand Cassie but I have no time for her shit.

"I don't care if you have problems with Lucy, if she didn't tell you about us is it for something? Stop blaming her because somehow is your fault too "I spit the words. I'm not even sorry, that's what I think of her, that's what Lucy should tell her.

Cassie frowns but doesn't tell me anything. She knows I'm right.

"So stop acting like this and help me because I don't know where the hell Lucy is and someone drugged her."

"Wait what did you say? Someone drugged her? Oh my god I cannot believe I lost Lucy drugged. "A smile curved her lips but I don't think it's funny. "I'm sorry that was not funny." She apologized once she noticed my expression.

"I need your help, have you seen her?" Cassie shook her head.

"Poor Lucy, I'll help you find her." She said and we started to search.

I check the room or I rather say the "dance floor" and she is not there. Cassie checked the hallway and the guest room but nothing.

Niall and Cassie checked the second floor and they told she wasn't there.

"Where the hell are you?" I say to myself as I ran a hand through my hair.

Every second is agony, despair, and I'm getting worse.

I'm tired of playing hide and seek, I need her now.

 I walk out of the house and I rest my head against a car. I'm stressed and nervous. I grab a cigarette and I light it quickly.

This time the burning in my throat doesn't help me, in fact I feel more nervous.

"Harry my friend!" Every muscle in my body tense.

Bastard.

"Fucking asshole!" I spit.

In two seconds my hands are on Taylor's neck. I pushed him against a car and people start to scream and come closer to us.

"It was you! You drugged her! "Taylor laughs.

"Well, finally! It took you a lot to find out! "He enjoys this and that  irritates me and my mind is filled with rage.

"You gave her ecstasy, you can't play with ecstasy!" I shout.

I want to beat him, but I can't right now. At the end of the day I work for him and this will certainly have consequences. We need that money as we need air.

"Have you seen her?" I release him and he looks at me with a smile.

"Actually I do."

"Where is she?"

"With Cameron, they went to a walk."

My face lost the color. This must be a joke.

Cameron? What?

"What is your fucking problem?" I exploded.

"What the hell is happening here?"I hear Liam's voice behind us.

"Lucy is with Cameron!" I scream and I slid a hand through my hair. Shit, shit, shit.

"Shit," Liam mumbled. "Are you crazy? Cameron is sick."

"I know," Taylor nodded.

"He could rape her or something, how dare you?" I clench my fists tightly and I do my best to control my violent side.

 I know Taylor it's bad, he is cruel, but I never thought he would reach this point. But again, I was very stupid because it was predictable.

"He won't do it or at least that's what I think, ups." He shrugs like it's no big deal.

"Why are you doing this? I'm doing what you asked me, I'm working for you, we are paying the debt. "I grunt.

"Want to know why?" He smiled mischievously. "For the past Harry"

The past is past. He is out of his mind...

"You must be joking ..."

"Have fun." After that Taylor walks in to Matt's house.

Fuck you Emily. This is your entire fault.

"Shit, Harry, sorry, I just ..."

"Shut up Liam" I push him and I walked towards my car.

This is not a big city but still it would not be easy to find Lucy. She could be anywhere. I drive around town, I go to the dark and desolate places but I also drive in several busy streets at night but my work is in vain. I look at my watch and its 4:50 a.m.

I call her, I call her and I fucking call her but no answer. Damn Lucy, if you have a phone why the hell don't you answer?

Everything is in vain, I don't where she is, I don't know how is she and that bothers me and makes me feel terrible. I lost her for a second and I feel as if I had lost her forever.

She's out with fucking Cameron. He could do what he wanted. He can drug her or do something even worse.

She needs me, just me. The body temperature may go back up and if nobody does something it could give her hyperthermia and she may die. Or he could just leave her on the street. I don't know if she has money or some drunk guy could find her!

"Shit!" I scream and hit the steering wheel. One, two, three times.

Taylor won today but I will have my revenge, once it's over, he'll see. But that doesn't mean I can't do something to Cameron, he work for Taylor but Taylor doesn't care about him. How do I know? He told me. He even congratulated me after I hit Cameron when he stalked my sister. So I'll take care of him, tomorrow if it’s possible.

I want to keep looking but there is not much to do. I feel impotent; I feel rage and anger accumulated inside me.  What a horrible Halloween.

I try not to think about it because I think the worst. I just want her to be okay, to be safe and sound.

I drive back to Matt's house, I hope Lucy is back, I hope she's okay.

I get off the car and Liam is waiting for me outside.

"What do you want?" I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone.

"Lucy is here" My heart dropped. "She's with her friend, eh, what was his name? Umm, Adam. "

"How did she get here? Where is she? "

"Sitting in the living room with him."

I don't want to hear any more, I ignore Liam and almost run into the house. I slip between some sweaty bodies, several people are gone but the place is still full but there is now a little more space to walk. Thanks to that didn't take long to find Lucy.

She's sitting on the sofa and Adam is with her. Her head is leaning on his shoulder and he strokes her hair. She's fine and she looks good. Her dress is still white and perfect, she is not hurt, she has no marks or anything like that. There is no sign of Cameron or Taylor. Liam wasn't desperate, the party continues normally and no one has called the police. So I think nothing happened. She's safe and sound.

When I am about to walk towards her Lucy looks up and she's ... crying. My body tenses and I can't move. What? Why? Why is she crying?

Adam shakes his head and strokes her hair. Just then reality hits me.

I took care of Lucy all night and I was looking for her all this time, I did the best I could. I would have do anything to find her by myself I was not able to. And here is Adam, next to her, making her feel better. I know nothing happened but Lucy is crying and Adam is there for her, not me.

That's exactly what will happen once this is over. She will be broken, she is going to fall apart and someone will have to pick her up, someone will have to help her and that person will not be me. I tried it today, I did my best but is not enough. At the end I was not the hero, I didn't stay with the girl because it is not suppose to happen.

Even if I want to I can't help her. And I feel sick of myself because I'm a monster, like Taylor, like Cameron.

I would like to think that it is me who is sitting there next to Lucy on the couch but that will not happen because I couldn't save her now and I'll not be able to do it in the future.

The truth hurts and I have to accept it. But it’s for the best, I hope everything will end soon. This won't last forever and it's better this way. She is too good to me, she doesn't deserve me and I will be far the worst thing that will happen to her life.

++

+++

LUCY

I know I'm awake but I can't open my eyes.  I can barely move my eyelids.

I groan.

My head is resting on a comfortable pillow. My arms slowly stretch and after many tries I’m slowly opening my eyes.

The first thing I see is a white ceiling. I lift my head just a bit but I don't recognize the room where I am. For the colors I know it's not a girl's room.

I remove some sheets and I check that I'm still wearing my dress. So that nothing bad happened to me last night.

I let my head fall to the side and I spot a picture on the bedside table. It is a photo of Adam with his mother, Judy. What am I doing at Adam's house? I should have spent the night with Mandy or Harry...Harry! Where is Harry?

I sit up in bed and that gives me a twinge in my head. The muscles in my arms and my legs hurt.

Why Harry left me here? I'm not being ungrateful because it was a nice of Adam let me spend the night at his house but one night with Harry is what I want. Just sleep on his side. Why he didn’t take me with him?

I was about to ask myself what happened yesterday but I remember everything. A little fuzzy but I remember. Someone drugged me.

Lots of images flooded my brain and I don't know if it's real until I remember that Harry kissed me yesterday and I had never felt nothing so real, so intense in my entire life. What I felt was much more than elephants with that kiss.

I remember everything. I danced with strangers until Harry found me, he took care of me, we danced together, he kissed me once and because I asked him. I remember his friend Sam with those pills that had a smiley face. When we played Twister and when Louis didn’t want to hug me. I remember Adam, he argued with Harry, and blamed him for what happened to me. There was blood, and Harry was fighting with Patrick. I remember I was sweating and my heart was beating like crazy.

Most images are composed of Harry and me, together. Those memories are very cute and just make me happy even though I was drugged. But I have a question: If I have many memories of him and he took care of me last night... Why am I here?

I remember I was crying and Adam whispers something but I couldn't hear. I was crying because Harry didn't want me. Someone told me that, but who?

My brain gives me the answer. Oh. Cameron. The creepy redhead. I spent time with him, how could I be so stupid? We went on his motorcycle which it was a really new experience for me, I've always been afraid of motorcycles but after that I feel I'd do it again.

Thank God nothing happened to me. I think we went to the beach. And I ran, I ran a lot and I never got tired and never felt fatigue. I remember feeling like invincible, immortal because there was too much energy pumped through my body. Maybe that's why my body hurts, I ran too much.

Cameron didn't do anything and we didn't talk, he just looked at me and smiled. I shudder to think about it, God! That was scary. After our little walk he left me a few blocks from Matt's house and disappeared.

From what I can remember the rest of the night was with Adam and I think Mandy was also there but Harry doesn't appears in my memories after I came back.

I heard the door and Adam walks in his room. He is wearing his pajamas, gray pants and light blue shirt.

"Good Morning Lucy how are you?" He smiles.

"Good morning, and um, I'm fine. What about you? "As I speak I do a braid in my hair.

"I'm fine, I was worried about you."

"Thanks for ta-take care, I really appreciate it."

"No problem, it was ahm, fun, you were fun yesterday." I blush at his words because I can remember everything I did, I was a bit crazy yesterday.

"Ahm, my mother knows I'm here?"

"Yes, I didn't tell her about the drugs but I called her."

"She got mad or something?"

"No, she actually asked me if we were together or something." He smiles but I don't do the same.

"Oh, okay."

There is an awkward silence between us.

"But you're with Harry..." He finally breaks the silence and I knew he would say that.

"Yes" I clear my throat. I don't know why I'm nervous to talk about this.

"Why did you lie?" He sounds hurt. Adam cut the distance between us and sits at the edge of the bed.

"Ahm, I ... I don't know. It was a secret, but now all my friends kno-know. "Adam doesn't respond and I don't know if he is expecting me to say something else. "Ahm, it's ... it's hard for me, this is my first relationship."

"I know and I'm happy for you but be careful." His face change. "I don't know Lucy but ... Harry gives me a bad feeling."

He doesn't even know Harry.

"Okay," I agree because I don't want to argue about it.

"I really don't know who you drugged but I think it was him, he was too on the defensive yesterday. I thought he was going to kill me or something. "

"He's always li-like that"

"Yeah, I noticed that, he has a bad temper."

"I don't care and I don't think he was the one who drugged me, Harry wouldn't do that."

I tried but I didn't sound very convinced.

+

+

I had breakfast with Adam and Josh. They looked after me yesterday, Josh had tried ecstasy so he knew what to do. I feel ashamed for my behavior, Josh is more muscular so he cared me up to his house. He told me I kept touching his arms and saying that he was very strong and I pointed his tattoos and said that Harry had too many tattoos like him.

We laugh at some dumb things I did, I know it was not nice what happened to me and I was in danger but this would be a good story to tell someday. For the first time I laugh at myself and I don't know why but it feels good.

I didn't eat too much because I was not feeling very hungry. Once we finished I clean the dishes, it's the only thing I can do after all they did for me.

Adam wants to take me home but I refuse and he ends up calling a taxi. While we are waiting for the taxi he spoke of school and I listened. I didn't talk much because I felt I had nothing new to tell. I feel bad because I haven't seen Adam in a while, I went out with him once and then we didn't talk anymore and yet he helped me.

"Ahm, Adam, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What...ahm, what happened to Harry? Did you see him?"

"Yes, I saw him. I told him I was going to take you to my house and he agreed, I thought he was going to yell at me and tell me that you'd stay with him but Harry behaved reasonably. "

"And then?"

"I don't know, he didn't look very good, something happened. I must admit that he was worried about you. "

"Yeah, I guess."

"But be careful. I know he was worried about you but he doesn't care enough."

"Why do you sa-say that?" His words are harsh and hurt me because some way I believe in what Adam says.

"Because if it were so you wouldn't be here with me, you'd be with him."

A stab in my heart, that was what I felt with his answer.

+

+

My mind is blank while I'm in the taxi.

I think Adam was a bit cruel, I know he's trying to protect me but he needs to measure his words. I mean, Harry cares about me and he cares enough but he shouldn't leave with Adam. I need to talk to Styles.

My mother has not called nor Harry so I grabbed my little purse and I opened it. Something catches my attention, in the purse is  the picture we took yesterday and it has written "I’m sorry" and the letter is from Harry. What does that mean?

I check my phone and I have 15 missed calls from Harry but there are all from 5 am, after that he didn't call me anymore. I call my mother and I told her that I'm fine and I'm on my way. After hanging up I call Harry but he doesn't pick up. Maybe he is still sleeping, I guess.

The house is silent, I guess everybody is with hangover today. I don't feel very well, my stomach hurts a little. I go to the bathroom and I throw up the food I had for breakfast today.

I wash my face and I leave the bathroom. My mother is on the hallway.

"Hangover eh? I didn't know that Lucy. "She said with a smile.

"Mom I don't drink, I just...I just don't feel good right now."

"I have something for stomach pain."

"No thanks." After that I go to my room.

The house looks empty on Sunday, Mike is in bed, my mother is watching television and Madison is locked in her room and she only goes to the bathroom to vomit.

My mother prepares a tea but Madison didn't even thank her. Mike gets up once to argue with Madison. I don't know why he is so pissed off, I mean, Madison does this all the time. Mike has allowed her to drink, has allowed her to get to the limit of being this type of girl. He can't be angry if he is part of the problem.

One thing I notice is that my mother and Mike don't talk, which I find weird but I decided to ignore it because maybe I'm just paranoid.

My mother helps me with my knees, they are looking ugly and I fell hard against the floor. I can still remember the pain. I also remember that Harry helped me. He was very sweet because I was stupid and I embarrassed him in front of everyone.

I called Harry on the evening, I thought maybe I should go to this house but then I didn't want to. He already had enough of me yesterday, maybe he got tired and he needs his own space. Yes, that should be. I'm tired and exhausted. And anyway I'll see him tomorrow so we can talk.

+ +

+ + +

"Girl ecstasy" Mandy tells me as soon as she sees me in the morning.

"That was not funny."

"I've never seen you so happy Lucy." She smiles. "I think you had a lot of fun. We dance together. "

"What? When?"

"It was about 5.40 am when we dance, you were still full of energy."

"God" I shake my head. "Did you have fun?"

"Yes, it was great." She shrugs. "I met several people, I was stoned too but not with ecstasy."

"Good for you, did you feel alive?"

"Sure, and I kissed someone." Mandy says embarrassed.

"Excellent. Who?"

"Promise you are not going to kill me"

"Why did wou-would I do that?"

“It was Ryan”

+ +

+ + +

Harry is not here, nor his friends. Maybe they decided to miss school for no reason.

On the other hand Mandy's statement caused some jealousy inside me which I think is ridiculous because Ryan is my friend and he hates me. Anyway I'm happy for her. Although Mandy told me that it was only a kiss. They didn't talk about feelings or love or something, she says it was the moment. The party, alcohol and drugs but today she didn't talk to Ryan.

"Harry got into a fight," Mandy broke the silence between the two and I choked with my food.

I was stupid, how I didn't ask about Harry?

"With ... with whom?" I coughed.

"With Matt, I guess now he hates him."

"It was Patrick's fault, he drugged me."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"The effects appeared after I drank his favorite-milk."

"Oh. Why were you drinking milk?" Mandy smiled, and I know it sounds weird to be drinking milk in a party filled with alcohol.

"I didn't want water," I shrugged. "Aslo I had cookies in my bag and he was so nice to me."

"Um, I get it. It was a great fight, you could say that Harry won. After that he left. "

"Oh. You didn't talk to him? "

"He was pissed off. But I don't understand why he was not with you, why he didn't take you with him. "

"Me too."

"I talked to Adam, he's nice." I nod and we eat our lunch in silence. "I think Harry felt guilty." Mandy said after several minutes.

"What? Why? "

"You left with a stranger, he couldn't find you, blah, blah, blah. Maybe he blamed himself. "

"How do you know that?"

"Because I think and because people were talking about it."

"Maybe you're ri-right," I shrug. "Yet he took care of me and he was very sweet."

"Yes, I heard that. He was so sweet, I think its a new side of Harry that you've just discovered. And you were very lucky, I was searching ecstasy in the internet and is very dangerous and very harmful."

"I know."

More silence.

I wish Ryan was here, he is funny and he always has something to talk about.

"I noticed that Harry is not here, weird right?" I nodded. "What are you going to do?"

"I guess I'll see him today. I guess we have to ... talk. "

+ +

+ + +

I'm in front of Harry's house, I've been here like for 5 minutes and I haven't touched the door bell. I didn't see his car but maybe is in the garage or one of the boys borrowed it. I try to be optimistic. I sigh, shake my shoulders a bit and I tell myself I can do it.

I ring his doorbell and waited for someone to open the door. No one came.  I ring the door bell again and after a minute I hear footsteps approaching. My heart beats loudly in my chest and the door opens. But I don't see emerald eyes and chocolate curls, actually I see Liam.

"Hey Lucy" He smiles weakly, he looks tired.

"Hi Liam, ahm, is Harry here?"

"No, he just left."

"Oh, okay. Why didn't you...ahm, didn't you go to school today? "

"I had some things to do."

"Oh, ahm, okay ..." Silence, Liam is not willing to make a conversation so I guess it's time to go. "Can you tell him to call me?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Okay, bye."

+ +

+ + +

Harry didn't call me yesterday. Maybe Liam forgot to tell my message but anyway I called him and he didn't pick up. Weird.

I spotted his friends, I saw Louis with Niall at lunch. Of course they didn't notice me but they act normally.

Another lunch with Mandy, but today she talks a little more. The Halloween party is still a topic of conversation and I listen carefully because I think it is an interesting subject.

She told me she smoked “pot" with Ryan and all they did was laughing and saying stupid things. She told me she saw me playing Twister and dancing with a stranger.

It was fun but now I am ashamed. I've noticed that some people look at me and I guess that's because of the whole ecstasy thing. I know I wasn't the only one drugged in that party but maybe they look at me because I danced with them and now I can't remember.

Mandy also said she saw with Harry and that we looked like a lovely couple. I appreciate what she says but it hurts, because I haven't heard from him.

+ +

+ + +

Harry's car is parked outside his house. My heart skips a beat at the sight, I'm finally going to see him. I want to talk to him, I want to thank him for caring, for defending me, because despite what Adam said I know that he cares about me. I also want to say sorry for having escaped with Cameron because it was very risky and dangerous. I guess he must have been furious.

I ring the bell and heard footsteps. I pray to be Harry but again, it's not him, it's Liam.

"He is not here Lucy" Is the first thing Liam says. This should sound harsh but actually his words came out softly.

"Where is he? Why is his c-car here?"

"He left the car here and I think he is with his mother."

"Oh, ahm, okay. Maybe I could wait ... "

"Here?" Liam interrupted me and I nod. "Sorry but you can't."

"Why?"

"I don't know what time he is going to be here, he's a bit weird lately."

"Do you know why?"

"No, sorry."

I know he's lying, Liam is his friend, he shares 24 hours of the day with Harry, of course he knows.

"Thank you Liam."

+ +

+ + +

Wednesday.

Why he doesn't answer the phone? What is his problem? I'm worried but at the same time it's starting to irritate me.

Is he blaming himself for what happened to me? Maybe Mandy is right but that does not justify anything.

In all I think about is Harry, I remember his face so clearly. It feels like eternity since the last time I seen him. Despite the fact that I was on drugs, Saturday night was special for me. I know the effects of the drug were involved but I felt so close to him, as if something had brought us together. The fact that he has taken care of me was very nice and I appreciate it and I am eternally grateful. I'm usually the one who cares about the others, like Cassie so it's a new feeling that someone does that for you.

If it wasn't for him I would have died or something. He helped lower my body temperature which is very important when you are under the effects of ecstasy. Many people have died because the temperature rises and this causes a collapse of the proteins in your body. So basically Harry saved my life.

He was like a babysitter and I feel I ruined the night for him but he was there for me no matter what.

Oh god, I miss him.

+ +

+ + +

I knocked his door on Wednesday but this time no one answered. I was seriously worried, I really needed to know where he was and I wondered if maybe he was avoiding me. It's a bit silly to think that because I can't find a good reason to justify it.

Liam said yesterday he was with his mom, perhaps he had some family problem and that is the reason why he is not going to school. That would explain everything but it wouldn't justify the fact that he doesn't answer my calls. I feel so stupid calling him when it’s useless but I miss him. Last week we spent some good time together and suddenly he vanished, like the ashes.

It's weird, it's as if Harry was a dream and I suddenly woke up. And here I am without him.

++

+++

On Thursday I got distracted with Marcel, I feel so bad for forgetting his existence. He told me about his Halloween party and he had a great time so I'm so happy for him. There were no girls in his party that was the only problem for Marcel. He was disguised as Robin, is one of his favorite characters. After he finished I tell him about my party and about the ecstasy.

I didn't tell about who is Cameron but I told him I went for a walk with someone on a motorcycle. Marcel is completely fascinated by my story, for him it sounds interesting and maybe someday he would like to do drugs. That pisses me off. I scolded him. It wasn't funny what they did to me.

I forgot that it was Patrick. I'm not in favor of violence but I'd slap him. Why would he drug me? Anyway I'm grateful because Harry hit him. It was the least he deserved.

Maybe I should yell at Matt, argue with him but my mind is really far and I've completely forgotten about the others. These days I've been spending my energy on thinking about Harry, I mean, I need to answer the questions that haunt my head. Why would he disappear?

I have seen Cassie and Matt this week, and I think things are not fine between them. They don't look very happy. I wonder how Cassie can be with Matt after found out that his brother drugged me, but maybe that's the reason why they are not happy. I know she has an internal battle between Matt and me, but I think she will stay with him because it was not Matt's fault or at least is what I think.

Mandy told me that Cassie tried to help Harry when he was looking for me. I want to thank her for that but I remember she is mad at me. It's sad because I should care but right now my mind is just with Harry.

I wonder what he's doing right now,  it's Thursday and he is not here. I sat alone in chemistry and I felt his absence. I miss his smile, his smell, the way he looks at me, he laughs, his hoarse voice, basically everything. It's been only four days since the last time I saw him but it feels like an eternity.

I realize that I am very quiet, I don't even answer the teacher's questions. With the only person I speak is with Mandy and Marcel, I hear and I answer them though I feel my mind is very far away.

++

+++

"Sorry Lucy" Is the first thing Liam tells me when he opens the door.

"What is-is happening? Where is Harry?" I'm about to cry. The worst is that I'm in the middle of my period so I'm very sensitive.

"I can't tell you" Wait a second. I was not expecting this response because he always has an excuse.

"Why?" My throat hurts.

"He made me promise not to tell."

"Why did he do that? What is happening?" I wipe a tear. Jesus, I'm so pathetic.

"Sorry" Is the only thing Liam said and I think he is really sorry, I can see it in his eyes.

What is he hiding?

+ +

+ + +

Friday.

I feel abandoned. It's pathetic I know. At first I was sad, I even tried to understand Harry's actions but it's impossible. Now I'm very pissed off with him. He left without explanation. What kind of person does that?

His absence hurts me and now I realize I need him. Just being with him, see his face or hear his laughter. I need those little details, I need Harry.

I used to not see much future in this, I was just living the moment but this period of separation has changed my perspective on our "relationship". I think of him with me for the future.

It feels as if the party had been a beautiful dream, it looks so far away but I can clearly remember his face between the lights. His smile, his emerald eyes, his hand on my cheek or the way he kissed me. I'm going crazy and it's only been five days.

But my attitude is justifiable because we are together we have a "relationship" but again I wonder what kind of person does that? Disappear as if nothing had happened.

These separation days are being like a stab to me and Adam's words are slowly starting to make sense, start to affect me. Maybe he is right, maybe he doesn't care enough. I'm not talking about the fact that he left with Adam, I'm talking the fact that he doesn't answer my calls and because I have no idea where he is. The only thing I have is our picture with the "I'm sorry" written.

Ryan sits with us today, it's weird. He talks to me but I know that something has changed and nothing will ever be the same between us. Ryan and Mandy are acting normally, I guess nothing will happen between them and I don't know it's sad. She is a good girl and I wish the best for Mandy and I think Ryan would be good to her.

Things in my house are very odd, Mike and Lily barely exchanged some words. I wonder why they don't talk to each other but I don't have the energy to find out. These are the kind of moments I wish Madison was nice so I could talk to someone but she is being mean to me as always and she even mocked by my incident with ecstasy. I ignored her because I really don't want to waste my time with her.

On Friday I want to bang my head against the wall because Harry is not home. Liam again, the same answer and I'm alone.

I am very sensitive but my period has finished.

Can Harry just come back? We're not playing hide and seek, I don't find it funny.

I would like to think he has had a family problem but again why he doesn't call me?

I'm against violence but when I see him, I'll hit him or push him or I don’t know because this is not fair, it's not okay.

+ +

+ + +

I feel terrible and everything is his. I always thought girls were exaggerating about feelings but this is not a joke and is not funny. I really feel bad.

I don't want to get up on Saturday, I want to stay in bed all day.

Madison knocks at my door yelling me. I get up reluctantly and I go down to have some breakfast.

My mom is not here so it’s just Madison, Mike and me. I don't know why but the house atmosphere is very tense. Mike vs Lily, Madison vs Mike, then Lucy vs no one.

I hate when everybody is angry, because the silence in the house is like a torture for me.

After breakfast, I take a shower and get dressed. Madison comes to my room and throws a pair of jeans to my bed, she says she doesn't want those jeans anymore and maybe if I lose weight it can fit me. I muttered a "thank you" but she doesn't care.

I try on her jeans and it fit me, and it's really pretty. Is not so tight so I like it. And they're all different colors, light blue, gray and black. I always use black so to have other colors somehow pleases me.

I stay with one of the jeans she gave me, I dress a white blouse and over that I wear Harry's shirt. For a moment I forgot the existence of the garment but I found it in my closet while I was organizing some clothe. It doesn't look so big on me, I actually think it looks good.

The shirt still smells like Harry and I didn't think that was possible. Somehow the shirt makes me feel a little better but I am still angry and sad about his absence.

I grab our picture from Halloween and I watch his ​​beautiful face in the photo. He's smiling like me but he looks so handsome. We look happy and that makes me happy. Suddenly I feel like crying because I feel like I don't understand what is happening but also because I'm so pissed off.

I feel that since the incident the drugs I'm feeling things with a little more intensity. Since Saturday I feel more connected and attached to Harry, it's something you can't explain but you can feel.  And being away from him hurts me a lot.

"Sorry," I read the message he left on the picture. Sorry for what? For what happened to me?

I hate to think of the idea that he's blaming himself for everything because it was not like that.

I need to distract myself, to keep my mind blank so I study a bit and then I go to the kitchen to make something because I know Madison will not cook and Mike is not a great cook.

I decided to make lasagna and looks quite delicious.

Mike thanks me and Madison smiles falsely as she says the same. I think she has noticed that I'm using one of her jeans and it fit me. I feel stupid because I think he doesn't like the idea because it means that we have the same weight.

Madison gives a small list to Mike, she has some books that have been assigned in her literature class. I offer as a volunteer to go to the bookstore. Mike drives to my favorite bookstore and he leaves me there. I tell him he doesn't need to pick me up I can take a taxi.

I buy Madison's books and I also bought me a couple of books.

I chat with Carl, it's been a while since the last time I saw him.  I haven't had time to return to my favorite bookstore.

I find out he met a girl. I feel a pang in my heart when he asks about Harry. I forgot that the last time I was here I was with Harry, and I was angry with him.

I know it's in vain and I have almost no hope of seeing him this weekend but still I take a taxi and I head to his house. I call Mike,  I tell him I'm fine and that I'm going to Cassie's. I feel bad for lying but I have no time for that.

My hands are shaking and I don't understand why I'm nervous, I don't think he's here.

I'm not even excited to see his car parked because it has been there all week.

It's been a week since the last time I saw him, how can he do that to me? I am so angry and sad and hurt. He will need to explain this, I won't accept a "no" for an answer.

I ring the bell and wait at the entrance. I think no one is here because the house is very quiet. I ring the door bell again but there is no answer. I guess the third time's the charm. I ring the bell for the last time and this time after a few seconds I hear footsteps.

I'm ready to see Liam, to hear the same answer and to see the same look of regret in his eyes but my heart stops when Liam is not the one who opens the door.

It's Harry and oh my god. His hair is wet, he's wearing his typical jeans but no shoes and no shirt.

Our eyes meet and he looks as surprised as I am. I guess he didn't expect me to show up here.

I pinch my leg just to verify that it is not a dream. And no, it is not, Harry is in front of me.

I know I said I was very angry. I wanted explanations, and that I would hit or yell at Harry but right now I don't know what to say.

It's been a week but it feels like so much more. All this week was a torture for me without him. He didn't answer my calls, didn't care to know how I was. He's back and he doesn't even bother to stop by my house or send me a message.

Even though I'm angry with him I'm so happy at the same time. Now I realize how much I've missed him and I'm a mess right now, my heart beats so fast and many feelings are pumped through my body.

"Hi Lucy" I hear his hoarse voice and my heart skips.

"Hi," My voice is barely audible.

I don't know what to do, we are going to spend all afternoon staring at each other or what? Although it doesn't bother me but I have many questions and I want answers.

I've been waiting for this moment all week, I've come here every single day, I've been calling him as well and he opens the door and says "Hi Lucy" as if nothing had happened.

"-What is-is wrong with you?!" I managed to say while I'm gently hitting his chest with my fist. Yes, I am very angry.

My voice is weak and betrays me, I'm about to cry and I feel so pathetic and stupid for being so sensitive and let everything affect me this week without him but I've missed him!

"Easy Tiger" A smile lights up his beautiful face and with his big hands he grabs my wrists.

Is this a joke!? How he tell me this!?

"What is your...?"

"Hey, come here" He interrupted me and his lips meet mine.

I'm so pissed right now, I need answers, I need to talk to him and Harry decides to kiss me! It's not the way things work! but I... I can't say no, I can't resist.

Harry knows I won't object so he releases my hands and I wrap my arms around his neck.

He quickly makes me jump and I wrap his waist with my legs. I am certainly impressed by my attitude but I don't care. I feel like I barely remember his face.

My hands are on his curls and down to his face, just to check if it is real and God he's completely real.

Harry closed the door with a kick and his hands rest on my back. We parted, gasping for air and his face is paradise.

The bag with my books is on the floor, he turns around and suddenly we fall. I gasp when my back hits his soft couch. Harry is on top of me, one hand resting on the couch and the other is on my cheek.

I want to kill Harry but at the same time I want stay like this as long as possible.

He rubs his nose with mine before saying:

"I think I've missed you Lucy."

Sounds very sweet but he can't escape from reality, he can't just appear and expect me to don't say anything.

"Me too but...but you owe me an explanation"

And that's when the beautiful smile on his face disappears.

*****++++++*******

So yeah, this chapter kind of sucks, so i'm sorry. It's a filler I guess. Anyway there are reasons why harry has not appeared, and yeah that will stay for the next chapter.

BAD NEWS:

Summer is over here, college starts March 5 so after that it will take me a little more to update, but i'll try my best.

ps: comment, vote, idk. love you all and thank you for the bottom of my heart for read.

ps2: if you have any questions, suggestions, opinion about the story you can write to my ask (find the link in my bio)

ps3: next update: saturday or friday :)