Hi! Sorry for not update, um, I'll try to update before new year.

Sometimes I feel a bit disconnected from the story, I don't know what is happening to me but I won't leave this, I promise.

Thank you very much for reading and merry christmas! (almost)

Don't forget to vote and comment please! It takes literally two seconds!

  »»  »»  »»  »»  »»  »»  »»  »»  »»

.                                                 ««LUCY»»

I read once that a kiss may ruin a human life, is a quote from Oscar Wilde. When I read it didn't get it, I thought it was a silly, an exaggeration, a literary exaggeration but I think now I understand.

Nothing is ruined but something inside me changed, something changed since the first kiss with Harry. I don't know if it's good or bad.

He breaks the kiss and looked at him, a heat travels down my face and I feel chills. That was...I don't have words.

I look down to his lips and I cannot resist. It's not that I have become addicted or something but I kiss Harry again, I approached a little abruptly to him and we both fall down on the bed.

I can feel his smile but he doesn't break the kiss, instead he slid one of his hands to my cheek and the other resting on my back.

Oh my god, I am really kissing Harry Styles?

Shame is the first thing I feel when we pull away. Harry tucked a strand behind my ear and I cringe. This situation is embarrassing; never in my life had I thought I'd be kissing a guy in this position ... so uncomfortable.

I leaned my arms against his chest but Harry whimpers.

"Oh, I'm sorry ... wha-what did I do? I'm sorry, "I apologized immediately sitting on the bed.

"No, you didn't do anything," he says with a slight smile and he also sat in the bed. "I have bruises yet, for what happened on Friday"

Friday sounds so far and it was three days ago. I admit that I forgot but now that Harry mentions the memory still fresh in the back of my mind. Harry on the ground, wounded, barely moving. God, that was horrible.

"Oh, I forgot that, sorry" I shrugged.

"It's okay. Now the bruises are turning blue," he says grabbing the end of his shirt. "Look this—"

"No" I screamed resting my hands over his.

He chuckles at my reaction. "God, you're still a prude" I shook my head and looked away. "Hey, I'm kidding," He said gently grabbing my chin and forcing me to look into his eyes.

"Okay," I sighed.

I chose not to say anything for two reasons, first is because I don't want to discuss and the second is because I don't know what to say, don't know how to defend myself, I'm never good at these things.

"Um, you wanna do something?" Harry asked looking at me.

He looks at me uncomfortable...oh no, no, no I don't want him to feel like that, it's a horrible feeling to know that someone feels uncomfortable or annoyed with your presence.

I took off my glasses and I cleaned it with the sleeve of my shirt. "Um, we could watch TV ...?"

You must be kidding Lucy...

The worst idea I could propose but I don't know what else to say. I'm terrible at this, I don't know what people do when they go to others houses. I mean, I do know. I play video games when I'm with Marcel and with Cassie we talk but we rarely go to her house and that would be all my experience.

I don't know what to do with Harry, mainly because I like him. We should do something fun but I don't know what things are fun for Harry, clearly they are completely opposite to my ideas of what is fun. I don't even want to think about what Harry thinks would be fun because those things are connected with the opposite sex, alcohol or legal or illegal drugs.

"Yeah, sounds good" He accepts and reaches the control on the nightstand and turned on the television.

Harry sits on the bed resting his back against the wall and taps the empty space beside him.

"Sit with me, I don't bite," he jokes as he unties his shoes.

I rolled my eyes and walked beside him.

"You can take your shoes too" He says watching television.

I slowly took off my shoes and leave them by the side of the bed. Thank god I don't have smelly feet or I would die of shame.

Harry switches the channels looking for something good to watch. He stops on a channel that is broadcasting a television series.

"Skins is a great series, you'll like it" he says.

"Um okay" I said.

"It's about fucked up teens and a lots of problems," he answered without looking at me.

"Sounds interesting," was all I say.

We watched in silence the chapter, I try to understand it but Harry interrupted telling me what is going to happen.

"They are going to eat those mushrooms," he said before the scene appears. The girl sees the mushrooms between lawns.

"Oh, and why?"

"Lucy, those are hallucinogenic mushrooms" Harry tells me as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh, I get it," I said and we watched the scene.

"You know that once" Harry chuckles and looked at him. "Niall and I bought those mushrooms" Harry laughed a little louder.

"What...what happened?" I asked curious.

"We hallucinate, it was...amazing. Niall ran everywhere, climbed on the table, broke several things, all he saw around was food, but the food was walking." Harry laughed, clutching his stomach and I smiled.

I can imagine it and is completely weird and funny.

"He even saw Hannah Montana's dad" We laugh, that's really odd. "Who the hell sees the father of Hannah Montana? Only Niall, that boy is special."

"Is that possible?" I questioned.

"Of course it is, mushrooms are powerful" Harry smiled and returned his gaze to the television.

"And what about you?"

"Um, I...I saw everything in slow motion and everything distorted, I was seeing thousands of Niall Horan around me."

"Whoa," I exclaimed and Harry nodded.

"Truly amazing what a simple mushroom can cause in our nervous system," I nodded at his words and we focus on the TV.

Harry interrupted a couple of times to talk about the chapter and about the TV show. Although I want to see it for myself I prefer to hear him. It's interesting. I don't like this kind of thing and never read much about drugs and their side effects because it is not my interest, so basically I feel that Harry is giving me a little lesson.

It's odd because I have fun and I learn. I like to watch Harry while he is talking. His emeralds eyes shine with excitement as he speaks his lips move harmoniously, he moves his arms a bit to express himself, I can see the different tattoos that burden on his skin. Harry slid his hands through his hair and licks his lips sometimes.

I'm trying to listen but I'm delighting with these little details that caught my attention. I'm starting to believe that Harry Styles is a bit addictive, I can't stop looking at him and that's not right, I feel as if I were stalking him with my eyes.

When he stops talking the episode is almost over, but I don't care if I didn't see it because he has told practically everything.

He talks about his adventures with Niall and Liam with drugs.

It's nice to see Harry speaking about something he likes, even if they are very bad, because he talks with passion, enthusiasm and looks simply...adorable. And the best part is he's talking to me, he is telling me this.

Well, at least the plan of watching TV turned out to be a great idea.

Harry slips one of his arms around my shoulders and I hold my breath, surprised by his action. My muscles tense because I'm nervous, I think I'm too stiff; I must look like a robot in his arms. I decide to do it like in the movies; I stretched a bit and rested my head against his chest. I try to relax but I can't do it, nervousness has me on its hands and it's not going to let me go.

Anyway this is something new and I can’t believe how much everything has changed.

I think there's even a little version of me inside my head that's laughing at the whole situation. Why? Because it's ridiculous and hard to believe that this situation is happening. A nerd, awkward and ugly duckling like me, watching television with Harry. Even when I saw him in the distance in the classes we share I never figured it out what would happen but life has many turns and twists and here I am.

We watch another show but this time Harry didn't talk, at one point the main character passionately kisses the guy she likes. I don't know why but I feel uncomfortable, my kiss scene with Harry a few hours ago appears in my mind and it's like a punch in my stomach. We haven't talked about that and as always I'm not ready. I cannot imagine what he might say or...

"Lucy ..."

No, no, no, Why me?

"Lucy?" Harry question again and, this time, I raise my head to look at him. I shudder when our eyes meet. "Ahm, about today--"

"No Harry," I interrupted. "... um, you... you don't have to say anything," I smiled nervously. I think I can hear my own heartbeat.

"What does that mean?" He frowned.

I shrugged and replied: "I don't know, I just don't wanna talk about it"

He nodded and he took distance from me. Harry walked to his wardrobe and pulled out a blue sweater.

I slipped one of my hands down my arm and my skin was cold. A stream of icy air enters through the open window.

"Aren't you cold?" He asks as he closes the window.

"Ahm, yes...but its...its fine"

"You can use it if you want," he said, stretching out the blue sweater to me.

I wish I could use my sweater but is dirty and stained because of Ashley. I accepted Harry's coat with cheeks red as a tomato. I pull the fabric over my head and Harry's odor invaded my senses. Is it legal to smell so good?

"Thanks, mine is dirty"

"No problem," he says and lies down beside me.

This is really nice. I don't know how but I'm not frightened

 for the idea of ​​sharing a bed with someone, I guess it's because we are only seeing movies, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing something else.

Harry changes the channels and I almost scream when I notice that 500 days of summer is on the TV.

"I love this movie!"

"Bullshit," Harry said and I smiled. "I don't like Tom, he's so weak, he is bad reputation for us"

"Really? Actually I love Tom, he's too... I don't know...he is weak and he feels everything and that makes this more interesting. "

"Of course not, this movie is interesting because of Summer and her personality"

"Well, yeah," I nodded. "but without Tom Summer would be nothing." Harry didn't answer immediately. He rests his face against my hair and leaned his lips to my ear to say:

"Maybe," he whispers and I hold my breath.

I don't answer and we watch the movie. This time I didn't cry but I couldn't help but shed some tears in some scenes of Tom, he's my favorite character in the movie, every time I see it, I see it for him.

"I cannot believe you're crying Lucy"

"I cried in Titanic, I'm pathetic" I said wiping the tears with the back of my hand.

"You're not pathetic," he says immediately and I lift my head to face him. "Can I tell you a secret?" He whispers seductively and I nod without thinking twice. "I cried in Titanic too"

"No! You have to be kidding me," I tried not to but I laugh.

"Hey, it's not funny!" He groans like a little boy and I covered my mouth to stifle my laughter. "I saw it when I was little!"

"I'm...I'm sorry ..." I let out a small chuckle.

"You're not sorry, you're laughing," he says with a smile and I bite my lower lip. "Stop laughing or you'll regret it" He said with a playful tone. I looked at Harry and I held my breath. There was a strange sparkle in his eyes.

I laugh. "But I just… Regret it? What—"

I can't finish the sentence, I am interrupted when my body is pushed against the bed, my back resting on the mattress and I feel a slight weight on me. Harry is the weight and he's on top of me, with each hand on the sides of my head. I can see clearly every detail of his face and the playful gleam in his eyes.

I pinched myself in the leg and the pain is almost instantaneous. This is not a dream and I must stop doing that.

Harry doesn't need to do anything else. I look like a helpless animal under him. I'm so embarrassed, I think even he can feel the heat is radiating my body.

He smiles amused by my reaction while I want the earth to swallow me. I close my eyes instinctively, when Harry leans toward me, I thought he was going to kiss me but he plants a kiss on my nose and then released me.

I think this is much more embarrassing. My body is so hot from all the shame, I feel like I'm about to take my sweater. I acted like a fool, why I closed my eyes? Oh my god, he's going to laugh at me, he must think I'm pathetic.

I breathed a few seconds and I sat down on the bed. Harry looks normal, he watches TV with a smile playing on his lips. I am absolutely overwhelmed and my heart is about to burst and he looks like if nothing had happened. I guess he's used to this sort of thing.

Oh.

Why did I think that?

I guess I'm right but I shouldn't have thought that. Now negative thoughts are invading me, maybe this is a joke or something. I know this whole situation is ridiculous but I thought jokingly but now the negative side is taking the control and I start to feel really bad.

"Lucy are you okay?" I heard Harry's voice.

I shook my head and looked at him. "Ahm, yeah" I smiled weakly.

My thoughts are too cruel and I feel like I'm torturing myself. I can't stay here.

"Um, you know, I really need to go" I excused myself and got up quickly.

"But why?" He asked, opening his eyes totally confused.

I took off his sweater, folded it and left it on his bed. "I have to go, I have to study and clean my room" I said in a low tone.

My fingers are trembling so I decided to make a braid.

"But still, we can do other things or I'm boring?" He said almost looking at me hurt.

"No, of course not! I had fun but ... bu-but I have to go" I bent down to pick up my bag and walked out of his room.

"Lucy!" Harry called me and I heard his footsteps following me through the stairs. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked, grabbing my arm. Why he is so strong?

"Nothing is wrong with me Harry, I just ... I ne-need to go, you can't stop me," I said trying to let go but he didn't

release me.

"But we were having fun...I don't know why but I think you're lying"

Am I obvious or something?

"Ahm, no..."

"Did I do something? I’m sorry, I won't get on top of you again. "

"No, not that," I blushed and shook my head. "Look Harry I really--"

"Oh Lucy, don't be a party pooper, just stay" He pouts.

That's the problem, I can't stay, I need to go. I hate everything I'm thinking now, is too much for me. Like I said, I am not able to handle high stress situations and I guess this is one of them.

I need to sit and think, think about what is happening. I don't know what I'll do and I have to talk with Harry about this. Our relationship is heading somewhere and everything depends on us. Maybe I need to talk to Mandy again, she can help me.

"Lucy" Harry snaps his fingers in front of me.

"I'm sor-sorry, I was thinking" I apologized and Harry let go my arm.

"About what?" He asked and I bit my lower lip.

"Ahm, nothi-nothing"

"If you tell me I could help you or something, but if you don't trust me I don't know how this is gonna work"

'This' was the problem.

"This?" The words escaped my lips and I immediately regretted it.

"Yes, this...oh ..." Harry said, realizing what I meant.

"I know I shouldn't but ... I ju-just... what's this? What are we?"