this isn't personal, i swear. but ik that many (if not most) of my followers on here act like this, so i thought i'd write abt it.

table of contents (is it really that serious? why am i doing this?)

-anime

-hazbin hotel

-2020 tiktok

-dsmp

-cosplay (goes with all above)

-middle school

-pride

***

first: anime. this influences personalities a lottt--and not always in a good way. i would like to mention, first, that liking anime is not generally a bad thing. it's a genre of show, of cartoon, how could i say everyone who watches it is bad? (i couldn't, that's the answer. don't generalize! it's not cool.) but i will say that, as a person who has not watched anime and probably should not have an opinion on this, it includes some very weird themes. 

hentai, really. or ig it's not all that--but from what i've seen of it, it's really just soft-spoken women with big boobs and weak personalities enforcing harmful gender stereotypes. (i get that this does not describe all anime, nowhere close! we're not generalizing here, remember?)

i've seen a few people on here--not pointing fingers but i really do hope you're not reading this--who talk in a sort of 'anime speak.' i don't really know how to describe this other than when reading it, you can tell they watch too much anime. like maybe they'll call people 'baka,' or '-san' (or -chan? i don't really know), or they'll use the 'uwu' face or others like it commonly. worse if they actually say uwu out loud (like ooo-woo). please don't do that! maybe i'm just a basic ass bitch, but i think it's weird and should have been left behind in 2020, where it belongs. it was a phase, and so it should have stayed. 

moving on! hazbin hotel. i've already done a chapter on this, so i'll make this little section short and sweet. (short n sweet sabrina carpenter??? out august 23rd??? go listen???)

you already know my opinions on that particular show, if you've read my little biased review. i think it's fine, but definitely geared towards middle schoolers still figuring out who they are and experimenting with a little bit of rebellion and shows that they maybe shouldn't be watching--but they're cartoons, so it's okay, right?

i think hazbin hotel represents an unnatural and very much not real reality where adults (are they teenagers? i don't think so) are swearing often (too often) and talking about sexual topics all the time just because they're adults and they can. realistically, the only people who think about sex and/or swear that much are hormonal teenagers. it's marked 18+, but everyone knows that's not who it's meant for. just like vaping! but that's a topic for another time. 

2020 tiktok! that's where this whole idea kinda came from. i wouldn't be surprised if a lot of you guys reading these weren't on it, because i wasn't (i was in 2021, but yk). i was little! i watched yt shorts compilations, and that was pretty much the depth of my knowledge of 2020 tiktok. 

but i am on tiktok now, and those videos are still up, so i think i'm qualified enough to analyze it. 

there are a few elements of 2020 tiktok i'd like to mention. the first is millennials. i'm gen z, for context. but in 2020, millennials were at their peak--skinny jeans! starbucks! galaxy print! doggos, cattos, etc!

i'll call myself a basic bitch again, but all of those were cringy. there was also the ✨sparkle words,✨ rAndOM cApiTaLiZatiOn, and key smashes (asjohufgiw). these were all things i did in 2020. yeah, i'm a massive hypocrite. but also--i don't do them now! i know people who do, but that's irrelevant. 

these are all things that happened in that era, and that most people have moved on from since. my theory is that middle schoolers--those going through the time i was in 2020, along with many others--are just now discovering this, and are using those little typing methods (and more, ofc) to find their true personalities.

i'm not saying this is a bad thing, because it really isn't! i was.... a person in seventh grade. not one i like now. not one i'd ever be again. but it grew my personality, so it was worth it. without that year, i wouldn't be where i am now. 

although, i'd be lying if i said it didn't bother me at all, because it totally does. again: hypocrite! but god, why are you saying UwU? why are you calling me ✨baka✨ and why do you have that much blush on, that much black eyeliner, on your eyes and lips and random lines around your face (2020 makeup is a whole 'nother story, maybe i'll do a chap on it idk)? it's weird. no offense, but it's weird. middle school is weird, though, so i guess it's fine. 

dsmp. please don't. that's honestly all i have to say abt this. i bet it's fine to watch, but the community is nottttt it, and it grows a personality that i, personally, am not all that fond of (which is not a unique opinion, sorry not sorry.)

cosplay! another 2020 topic, because what was the year for cosplay if not 2020, the pandemic? this was mainly of characters from anime (god, i forgot to talk abt kpop. should i? probably not. i don't have any reason to have an opinion on kpop, and that'll offend a lot more people.)

it's not that bad, because everyone has phases, and at some point, who really cares? but also. but also! 

okay. i think i'm actually secretly a bitch with a heart of ice, but these annoy me, too. 

i'm gonna shut up now. let's move on. 

middle school is where this whole little thing was really leading to, although i've still got one more category to go! 

basically, i would like to say that middle school is the hot spot for trying new things and finding yourself. obviously it happens throughout your entire life, and high school as well, but middle school is the beginning of puberty for most people. you lose friends, you gain them. you find new interests and forget about the old. everything changes, for the good and the bad.

i can't in good conscience lie to you and say that my middle school experience was good. i'm a freshman in high school. i was an eighth grader last year. seventh grade was a shitstorm, and while eighth grade was better, current me would nottt like who i was at this time a year ago. i've grown a lot since then, and that's okay. 

it's absolutely normal to be doing a lot of growing and developing in those years, both mentally and physically. but i would recommend getting your act together and being a good person with good grades before high school, because that's when it really starts to count. 

eg: get A's and B's. you don't have to have a 4.0, but a C on your transcript forever is never going to be worth a few minutes of slacking off in class or procrastinating after. don't get on drugs, i'm serious. it fucks you up. you can't do sports, you can't function right at school and get bad grades, you lose friends and lose trust with your family. seriously, don't. 

and finally, to close it all off: pride! happy pride month, guys. 

i will say that i am bi, if you didn't already know. i had a 'gay' phase (i'll explain that in a second, just you wait.) i'm well versed on the topic of the LGBTQIA+ community, trust me. 

basically, a gay phase is when you first figure out your sexuality, and become obsessed with everything pride. this happens to almost everyone. it happened to me, it happened to pretty much everyone i know. sometimes it lasts, usually it doesn't. it's normal. some components are:

-dressing in rainbow. like a lotttt of rainbow

-going to gsa (ik not all schools have this, but it's just like pride club, pretty much. i don't go to mine bc although my school isn't homophobic, i've decided how i want to present to strangers, and it doesn't include being bi. and you're not allowed to call me a disgrace to the community or too straight seeming or anything, because it's my choice to make and i've made it.)

-wearing pride flags as a cape to school/out around the house

-dying your hair!!! or cutting it short (wolf cut, pixie, buzz). this is a phase every gay middle schooler goes through, trust me. 

-being obsessed with a cartoon show (hazbin hotel, the owl house, amphibia) or heartstopper.

-saying slay

-using the little 2020 tiktok typing language things i talked abt earlier

-wearing doc martens (not always, they're genuinely good shoes)

-wearing darker clothes, flannels (literally cant think of any of my gay friends who didn't wear a flannel at some point), ripped jeans, eyeliner!!!

-hyperfocusing on sexualities (your own, searching for every little detail and finding the most obscure sexuality names. for me, at least, i never really pinned down who exactly i like and don't feel the need to. i like labelling myself as bi, because it's a term pretty much everyone will understand--if i say omni, which is technically more true, maybe 20% of people will get it, and i am notttt explaining that all the time! bi is fine. the flag's pretty.)

-thinking you have adhd/autism/anxiety/anything like that (the 4 A's!)

there's more, but i can't think of any right now. the gist of this is that it's normal, and yes, it can be weird and you may be ostracized for it, but trust me, you are not alone. 

***

i think i'm weird and have been watching too many video essays and decided to just write a real essay instead. this is 1638 words. i've actually gone insane. pray for me <3 (don't i'm agnostic)