Someone had ripped your wings off and you were hurtling towards the ground.

  I tried to catch you, but instead I coiled too tightly and you were no longer breathing.

  I woke up screaming.

  My throat hurt all day, feeling as if someone shoved hot coals down my esophagus and kept making me swallow every time I choked it back up.

  You bumped into me in the hall, you were falling so I gripped onto your arm.

  Flames engulfed you and you screamed, crumbling to the floor.

  I woke up sweating.

  I hated when I did that.

  My mind was derailing. I missed your good mornings and I missed your smiles but now all you did was snarl right back.

  Riddle's arm around you all the while.

  I tried to apologize to you late one night, I found you star gazing. The cosmos were trapped in your eyes. You commanded the universe.

  And when you pushed me off the tower I tore through the atmosphere like a comet you'd created.

  When I hit the unforgiving ground I woke up.

  I couldn't do this anymore.

  My hands skimmed over my face, through my hair, down my neck and along my torso.

  Was I real?

  I looked up and Riddle was standing over my bed, wand pointed at my chest. I looked over his shoulder and a sob tore though my throat as I saw you draped in a blanket of red.

  You're pathetic.

  I don't know who said it.

  I woke up screaming.

  Shut the fuck up, Lestrange groaned and threw a pillow at me.

  I clutched at my chest as if my lungs were trying to claw their way out.

  My legs trembled as I tried to lower myself to the table in the great hall, the tea rippling in its cup as I tried to hold it.

  What's wrong with you?

  Pulling my tongue from the roof of my mouth hurt, it felt like I was dragging glass against the flesh and I looked at Olive.

  Are you real?

  I woke up and you're there lying next to me in bed, only wearing my shirt and moonlight marinated your being.

  Your skin is soft as you cover me in the blanket of your arms.

  Hot honey, roses and lemon.

  It calmed me down.

  You were screaming, you said in a whisper, a gentle smile on your lips.

  I was?

  Mhm, you okay? Your painted fingers of bronze ran up and down my back and I shivered.

  I swallowed thickly. You always asked me that and I never knew how to answer.

  Nightmare.

  What about?

  Your holy hand rested on my knee as if you were blessing me, ripples of euphoria passing through my veins and I settled my touch above yours.

  Reality hit me like a curse, almost as painful as crucio.

  You hate me.

  How... why are you here?

  The wind then rattled the windows and a flicker went through the room. The veil shifted for a moment. And in darkness it was revealed.

  The dorm was empty. That wasn't right. The boys should be sleeping in their beds. I should hear Lestrange muttering nonsense in his sleep.

  Instead their mattresses lay vacant like coffins just waiting to be used.

  For a moment I feared I was the undertaker.

  I looked at you, perplexed pain etched onto my features and I held your hand tighter.

  I knew the truth but it hurt. It felt as if I was swallowing poison you had offered me on a silver platter. And I'd ravished it willingly. I always would.

  I want you to be here.

  But I know you aren't.

  There's a creak from outside the door.

  We both turn, eyes wide as we stare at the wood. Like it was supposed to give us an answer but instead the tabula rasa was slammed down.

  I begin to get up.

  Your grip tightens like the chains of Andromeda.

  Abraxas, where are you going?

  I need to see something.

  Just come back to bed.

  What if it's not locked?

  It's fine.

  My vocal chords tremor and I swallow the thick clots of fear, what if he gets in?

  What if who gets in?

  I get up, shrugging off your hold because I know it's not you.

  Even then I want to just lay down and hold you. Press kisses to your hair, cheeks, nose, and mouth. I want to devour you and I want you to engulf me. Surround me. Drown me. Drop me to my death.

Carve out my heart.

  You aren't real.

  I get closer, each step a wail, I can hear someone breathing on the other side.

  I'm terrified. Glitter glistening my skin and my heart began to implode.

  You started crying and I couldn't breathe.

  Please just come back to bed.

  I have to.

  Abraxas my love, please don't open that door.

  I have to.

  Come back to bed, please!

  The moment I touched the doorknob the room is swallowed in darkness.

  You're gone.

  Everything is gone.

  But then I hear screaming.

  I can't tell who but I feel like it's you.

  It's deafening.

  It felt like it was inside of me, scratching at my walls like I was the church, the choirs wails desperate to get out but they'd always be contained.

  Only making them louder.

  Shaking my limbs and organs so hard until I began to bleed out of my nose and my eyes and my mouth.

  This is just a dream.

  It got louder and louder and louder and suddenly everything became blindingly white with a resounding boom.

  It's all in your head, Abraxas come on.

  I felt a breath on my neck and whirled.

  There you were in a pretty white dress, floating in the water like a delicate water lily in a stream.

  Wake up.

  You floated closer.

  Wake up Abraxas.

  Your lamented eyes met mine.

  I tore at my hair till crimson stained the snow of the curls.

  I was crying.

  Your petals became to heavy as the water rippled and I watched you sink beneath the surface.

  Wake up!

  I was thrashing, screams tearing up my throat, hot tears burning trails of acid along by cheeks and someone was holding me down.

  Calm it down mate! Calm it down!

  The moon light poured into the room and thrashed for a few more seconds before I realized it was Lestrange behind me and holding me down.

  I gripped at his arms so tight I'm sure I was hurting him.

  Broken cries still leaving me in a chant as I tried to stop hyperventilating.

  The other boys in the room were all staring at me. Their eyes wide. They looked frightened.

  This wasn't how Abraxas Malfoy acted.

  I stopped crying but my chest was heaving and I sank into Lestrange's hold and he loosened his grip but didn't let go.

I got the feeling he knew I needed someone, anyone, to just show me a single moment to prove I wasn't alone.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I gulped and my insides screamed in protest.

He looked down at me after a moment, are you okay?

He was the second person to ever ask me that, right behind you.

I raised a brow at him.

Right, stupid question. He corrected himself and I patted his arm and he unwrapped himself from me.

I sat up, rubbing at my eyes and Lestrange snapped at the other boys to go back to bed and never mention a word of this to anyone.

I was thankful but never said it.

I only ever said thank you, to you.

He rolled off my bed, looking at me very sternly and he reminded me of my mother.

You look like shit.

I managed a laugh and he eventually smiled, going back to bed himself and we never spoke of it again.

But from then on I knew I could trust him.

Finally, I felt like I had someone to talk to.

I actually had a friend, not just an ally.

I wanted to be friends with you.

But the whole bloody world knows that's a lie.