Author: AuthorClarke.

Genre: Fantasy.

Chapters Reviewed: Seven.

Overall Score: 68/100.

This review was done in association with Rebel Town Reviews (Rebel_Town).

Cover, Title, and Blurb:

-- Cover: So this is a bold cover. If I were to see it in a bookstore, I'd probably pick it up and judge whether I wanted to read it or not. There are a couple issues-- it's hard to read the "cover by" and subtitle lines. I wish we could see a little less lightning and ground, a little more Greek temple... to be honest, it was difficult to tell what it was on desktop version, but when I originally checked on mobile version, I was only able to figure it out because of your tags. But like I said, I'd ultimately give it a go based on cover only.

-- Title: I mean... no complaints here. It fits.

-- Blurb: Only a couple gripes here. I don't think "overwhemingly" is necessary and "as fragile as the breeze" seems a bit odd, but other than that, it's solid and it works well. Nice job!

Score: 4.5/5.

Grammar:

Aside from a few clearly-unintentional errors, you're fine here. So full marks. Couple spanner sentences here and there, but that's more to do with flow than grammar.

Score: 15/15.

Plot and Overall Entertainment:

Chapter 1: I'm liking the start. So far, I get a pretty decent sense of world: there's the Tower, which defines everything from jobs to city layout, there's a council, there's some sort of mysterious force going on that messes with the clouds, and there are (at the very least) myths of dragons. Aren seems sort of a quiet child, observant but a bit of a dreamer. I wish I could've seen more of his thoughts on the Tower itself-- it's a central part of life, but I don't necessarily get a sense of trepidation or fear when things start going wrong. It says he sticks next to his mother and that he's desperate for an answer, but... there's not a ton of emotion from him. The issue with the clouds is bad to a degree that he hasn't experienced before, so his choosing to simply rest seems a little odd. It'd be one thing if he felt fear and was just really good at bottling it up-- pretty believable, actually, considering his parents' positions-- but that's not coming off for me. If your book were not part of a review, I'd still continue on to the second chapter.

Chapter 2: All right, so we're getting the ball rolling here. The sky has direct links to the speakers, regardless of the cause of those links, so something like the death of a speaker will cause irregularities. I'm interested to see what will happen with Aren now, what it is to be a speaker, but that interest would only go so far on its own. There are some details (shared in Additional Notes) that are pulling me out of the story and some information that seems to kind of be filler. So Aren's subtly going against what he's supposed to do by observing the people around him rather than the sky. Where's this going? The slight defiance and the choice to watch people are interesting, but why does he choose to do this? What's he gleaning by looking at these people? Especially since Aren seems initially passive, content to watch rather than do, it's vital that you establish why he does it and what he gains from it. This bit and most of the small details can be fixed decently quickly to give the story more of a solid, uninterrupted course.

Chapter 3: I'm getting thrown a bit here. So the idea I'm getting of Aren is quite different from someone who's always dreamed of becoming a speaker. He doesn't seem concerned about the anger of the sky in the first chapter, he actively goes against what he's supposed to do in the second, he seems more afraid than nervous when his name is announced, and he makes no move to immediately go to the speakers when called. To me, the actions and the statement don't mesh-- he doesn't seem to want to belong to that order if he doesn't follow basic social expectations. Now, there is the establishment of a threat for refusing, and that could be used. Say he devoutly follows all of the rules, but he's absolutely shocked at being called and can't help but feel that he's too young, that he's not ready, so he hesitates and clings to his parents. If you want to go along the line that he's always wanted to join, that might suit better. Small details are still getting you here. What would keep me going is intrigue at the end of each chapter-- you've got a hook into the next, what with the decision to go into the Tower and the conflict he's sure to face once he's in there, so that's always a good way to get a reader to keep moving through.

Chapter 4: All right, here we go. We're getting some more insight into the world and some pretty awesome prose in there. The way to the Tower is long and and filled with cryptic challenges, which gives a good hint how fun it's going to be later when we get "secrets, lies, and greater dangers". If there is one issue with this chapter, it's again the emotions-- we are told of inadequacy, fear, and boyishness, but it'd be nice to feel them a little more. Additionally, adding that in could provide more depth for the imagery and actions we read. Still, it's a good chapter and an interesting one. Keep it up!

Chapter 5: I don't really get Obasi's stubbornness here. Sure, Aren's too young to be speaker, but has he never received any odd messages? What about the "real" Aren Tau, then, who didn't show up? Couldn't Obasi just have confirmed Aren's identity with the townsfolk? Then his decision concerning Aren once they're in the Tower... he outright says that Aren knows the methods of getting in by spying, but then says that Aren couldn't have gotten past the first door (and shouldn't be able to see the methods of getting past anything else). His reaction is unreasonable to the extent where I'm beginning to believe that he's either hiding something or simply stock conflict. Once again, you've got a good hook into the next chapter, but this one... I won't deny that it frustrated me a bit.

Chapter 6: I understand that Obasi is either the leader or just particularly influential, but no one questions his decisions even after Aren delivers a message. Especially if this order is motivated more by power plays than by actual messages from the sky, this is a pretty good reason to go against Obasi. He admits than Aren can speak to the sky and everyone throws him out, no questions asked. If it were the case of the whole group being against him-- due to a prophecy or fear of their conspiracy discovered, whatever-- then why question Obasi in the previous chapter? I'm getting lost here, and not in a good way. Ria's an intriguing mystery, though; I'm guessing there's far more to her than simply an "old acquaintance". Quite likely she has something to do with Aren being "special, powerful, dangerous". Once more, good ending hook.

Chapter 7: Some fairly well-written infatuation here between Aren and Jamila, although I feel compelled to disagree with the 'love at first glance' bit at the end. The descriptions of the house are fantastic and vivid, so nicely done there. We've also got some more intrigue with Jamila's father, who was a "friend"/potential murder victim of the town council. There's also a weird sort of dynamic between Jamila and Ria, so I'm guessing that Jamila also is not a normal child. It's a good character-study chapter with a subtle set-up for conflict. If there's one thing to criticize, it's a lack of thoughts/feelings from Aren on his rejection, but small details like those are easy enough to add in.

Score: 7.5/15.

Characters:

-- Aren Tau: He started off well, with the quiet, hardly-noticeable kind of defiance and the clearly observant nature, but he progressed into a more emotional person in a few chapters, lashing out at the speakers and getting all flustered with Jamila. Part of me feels that it's valid, considering the circumstances, but he also reacted to the strange, angry sky by staying pretty self-contained and cool. So I'm not really sure what to make of it... I feel like Aren could make almost any decision and I wouldn't be surprised by it, which... isn't necessarily a good thing. It makes him feel less like a character and more like a plot vessel-- trying to give a sort of mainstream character here, so let's look at Hermione from the Harry Potter series. It would completely stand out if she made important decisions based on emotions alone. Sure, she has a couple emotional moments, but they're justified given the circumstances. When it comes to the approach she takes to problems, she clearly thinks everything through and comes up with a rational solution, even in the face of danger. We know how Hermione will react and why, so she feels like a real person. With Aren? I'm not really sure where he's going or why.

I don't feel that I really know any other character all that well. Obasi seems just kind of solidly bad, I haven't spent enough time with Jamila to get a bead on her character, and I've no idea what to make of Ria yet. She's... a mystery, and while I've gotten some vague hints as to her thoughts on the Taus and the Tower, I haven't spent a great deal of time with her either. She seems caring? I'd need probably another chapter to truly judge her.

Score: 7/15.

Additional Notes:

-- Couple awkward phrases in Chapter One: "made the air dense and close around him". I get that close can be an adjective, but "close around him" usually refers to the verb, so it threw me for a minute. In the same paragraph, there's "The warm breezes... cypress". That last bit about his skin, the description for heartwood of a cypress, is a good one... but it just feels off there, since the main focus is on wind.

-- Also Chapter One, paragraph right after the one with "The warm breezes... cypress": you use 'toward' and 'towards', and this is super nitpicky, but you've got to stick with one. Chapter Seven also has 'alright' and 'all right'.

-- Like me, you've got some spanner sentences. For example, the first paragraph of Chapter Two has a pretty long one.

-- Isn't "Tau" just... "T"? So Aren Tau is ultimately just Aren T?

-- Oof. Gotta say, the header picture for Chapter Two threw me off. The story is based on Greek elements, but the picture is of the Roman Colosseum. 

-- Chapter Two: "the creed gave Aren... sky." Initially a bit jarring, since I read that it gave Aren more than a feeling of closeness, it gave him a feeling of closeness. 

-- Kellan strikes me as a name that's not very... Greek, especially given the time period. If I'm not mistaken, it's Irish. Actually, come to think of it, Aren sounds rather Nordic. Googling around confirms that it is a name with multiple meanings, but that its origins stem from Germanic, Scandinavian, and African lands. This seems a general issue throughout-- Asha has Sanskrit and Swahili origins, and Ekon is Nigerian. Obasi is Igbo-African. Jamila is Arabic. So far, Eleftheria ("liberty") is the only Greek name. I'm not sure how heavily you're basing off Greek culture, history, and mythology, but the names are from all over. If this helps you any, try looking up Behind the Name, Greek.

-- Chapter Two's lines about the invisible strings is a bit awkward for me, personally.

-- Chapter Three: I like the line about Aren's confidence in response to the speaker's expression.

-- Chapter Three: just a general advisement to not use caps-lock, especially since italics suit. Reminder again in Chapter Five.

-- How large is the town if the speaker doesn't know Aren? Is it reasonable for the speaker not to know him if he's a councilor's son? Additionally, Aren worries about being considered an "ill-bred fraud" by the townsfolk... so I'd assume that it's large, but the first-born son (and presumed heir) of a councilor should be someone who's decently well-known.

-- Aren continuously interrupting a man who has the power to exile or kill him seems foolish on his part. He's angry, yes, but the first two chapters have established him as a very reserved, contained person.

-- Pot meet kettle, but you've a fair number of em dashes in the first bit of Chapter 4.

-- Chapter Five: header picture doesn't fit the space given.

-- Careful on telling with Chapter Five as well. Removing 'anger' would make the slap bit stronger.

-- "disagreed" is not a necessary dialogue tag (Chapter Five).

-- Ellipsis: ( ... ) rather than ( . . . ).

-- So Greek is... the Old Language? Is that due to the language of the wind being around, or is this further along in time period than I thought?

-- Jamila uses 'mitéra' to address her mother, but also refers to her as 'mother' shortly afterward: "Of course, mother."