when i was 15 years old, i was put in a similar position to barley's where i was told to say goodbye to someone i loved and i couldn't do it. i couldn't say the words. and i gotta say, pixar captured that kind of regret of being that scared pretty well. so that is why barley means so much to me and why i wrote this one.

also, this is partly requested by Melonhead15

/ / /

"Is it today?" you asked.

Barley looked at you. He stopped chewing his burger. "Hm?"

"I said, is it today?" You took a sip of your soda and set it beside you. You were sitting on the porch with Barley on a warm spring day, having lunch. "The anniversary, I mean."

"Oh." He looked down at his food and swallowed hard. "Yeah."

"I can tell," you said. "I can see it in your eyes when you look at me."

"You see right through me," he said. "Great."

You laughed a little. "No, but jokes aside. I know you aren't okay, so I'm not even going to ask. I just will say... you can talk about it if you want."

He was quiet for a minute. "Yeah, I'm... I'm not okay. And you know, the funny thing is that... that I think I would be okay, if it weren't for my mom saying something about it. I'm not even sure that I would really know. The days blend together. Some are hard, some aren't. I miss him, even though I don't remember all that much. I miss him so bad. And I get angry that Ian doesn't have a dad to lead him the right way. I mean... I know he said he's lucky to have me, but not even I can do it all, you know?"

He took a long drink of his soda and then hung his head. He sighed.

"Barley," you said, and you reached up and put your hand on his back. You moved it in circles. "I'm sorry."

He didn't look at you, he just wiped his arm across his nose as he blinked away tears. "How is it that I have four memories of him and I still... I still can't function?"

"Five," you reminded him. "It's five now."

"Yeah. Five."

"Bar, you can't function around the thought that you once had this person, and then one thing happened and it ripped them from your life. You can't function because... because it's impossible to not think about what life could've been like if that one thing didn't happen. I know you think about what it'd be like if they found his cancer early. I know you do, because I... I think the same about..."

Barley looked at you sympathetically.

Your eyes fell to the sidewalk and your arm dropped to your side. You shook your head as you said, "It's impossible to heal, because you think... if only I could go back and warn them when I had that feeling that... that maybe something wasn't really okay. I had the feeling, Barley. I had it. I knew that it was only a matter of time before she --- she went, and then she did."

You sucked in a hard breath through your teeth and clenched your fists for a brief moment.

"But you can't go back. You can't change anything. You can't take back what you did, what you didn't do..." You looked at Barley. "But you got to say goodbye to your dad. And it's okay to miss him. You're going to miss him. Just know that your dad got to say goodbye to you, and he is at peace. Now it is up you to find that same peace."

"Peace," he repeated. He nodded thoughtfully. "I just gotta find peace."

"You know, just be happy with the time that you had with him, and enjoy the time that you still have with other people in your life."

His eyebrows pulled together. "You know, if I have to find that peace, then you have to find it, too."

"I did," you said. You were almost too embarrassed to admit it to him, but you knew that he wasn't going to make fun of you for what you said. "I found that peace with you."

"You did?" His voice was quiet, which was rare.

"I mean," you had to look away as you managed to say, "you understand me and what I've been through. And you're a good best friend. I can rely on you for anything. And I have fun with you. I don't know. There's a lot of reasons."

As you spoke, his smile grew. You weren't looking at him, but you could tell that he was happy to hear what you had just said to him. He suddenly felt a hundred times better.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," he said.

You smiled a little and lifted one shoulder. "I don't know, either."

"I mean, seriously. You're the smartest person I know." He took another bite of his burger. "My dad would have loved you. I just know it."

You smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah." He reached into the greasy paper bag full of fries and took out a handful.

"That means a lot to hear," you said. You struggled to speak what was on your heart. Your cheeks heated up and your hands began to shake. "The... the same goes for you, y-you know."

"I know," he said. "You don't gotta say it. I know it's hard for you to."

You swallowed hard. "Yeah."

"And that's okay, too." He held the bag of fries open for you. "Hey, these are gettin' cold. Eat up, my friend. We have a quest to go on and you need your strength up!"

You laughed, using your arm to wipe away tears from your cheek. "I'm not so sure greasy fries provide real energy."

"What?" He scoffed. "You know what? I take back my compliment. You aren't as smart as I thought."

You gaped. "Barley!"

"Sorry, but my super great best friend wouldn't say something negative against French fries."

You shoved his shoulder as he laughed at you and rolled your eyes. You grabbed a few fries and ate them. His arm snaked around you and yanked you close.

"Barley!" you gasped as your hip crushed the bag of fries against his.

He only laughed and then let you go. You shook your head at him and finished off your burger. The sun was finally setting.

"You know what we should do?" you asked.

"What?"

"We should get milkshakes," you said. He looked at you and you gave him a look that said, Isn't it obvious? "You know... to get our strength up?"

He smiled. "That's my girl. A genius, like I said."