Hey, you two! Get in here!

You called, Cruella D'Vill?

ThymeMachine has a dare for you!

I'm actually kinda excited! It's been a while since we've been tortured and manipulated and beaten to a pulp by evil Sméagols raining down from the sky...

Well, when you say it like that...

She dares you to... *drum roll*

Everyone: *waiting in anticipation*

ASSEMBLE FURNITURE!

What?

But that's boring!

Hey! No insulting the readers' beautiful dares! And this might be more entertaining than everyone thinks.

Why is that?

Because I'm writing the book.

You vain little fairy...

I know. *throws pixie dust in the air*

Well, where do we get the furniture from?

I bought you guys a desk to assemble from IKEA.

What's IKEA?

It clearly stands for Idiotic, Krazy, Evil Apples. DUH.

I'm not even going to bother to correct that.

Sh, Tarwa. The apples are watching... *points to an apple on the floor*

Apples don't--

Shh! *hides behind her* *whispers* They'll hear you.

Apple: *just sits there*

It's freaking me out, Tarwa. It just ... stares. O_O

*rolls eyes* Okay-dokie. Legolas, bring in the desk!

Legolas: *struggles to push in the box with the desk in it*

C'mon, you wimp! Use those muscles all the fangirls think you have!

Legolas: You're not paying me enough.

I'm not paying you at all.

Legolas: My point exactly. *stops pushing the box* That's my workout done for the day. *hops into the portal to Middle-earth*

Bye-bye, elfy! *waves*

Okay, you guys ready?

Yup!

*opens the box and starts throwing things on the floor*

What are all these parts for?

The desk, silly. *still unpacking the box*

Geez... *picks up parts and exams them* Do there have to be so many parts?

Yerp. *picks up the box and empties it on the ground*

Ow! Screw in my foot! Screw in my foot! *hops around holding his foot*

Here are the instructions. *hands them to Merry*

But they're just pictures...

Yeah, where are the words? How are we supposed to do this?

You know, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Then why don't you write an essay for me on how to assemble this desk?

Nope. It's your dare, not mine.

Fine. Well, it looks like the little cartoon guy on this instruction sheet is struggling to hold the desk by himself. Look at him, arms flailing everywhere. Poor little guy...

Quick, Pippin! Hold up the desk and flail your arms about!

Guys, it's got a big cross over it. That means you MUSTN'T do that.

Kill joy.

Okay, so I think this piece needs to be attached to this piece over here.

No, Pippin, you can't attach it to the wall!

But what about if I put it--

No, now you're gluing the shelves together!

But what if--

PIPPIN, YOU'VE DRILLED THE SHELF INTO LEGOLAS'S ARM!

Legolas: WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?! O_o

[THREE HOURS LATER]

Aaaaaaand done.

It's a masterpiece!

*looks at the crazy, twisted thing that isn't even close to a piece of furniture* Yeaaahh ... no...

*hi-fives Merry* A job well done!

*sneaks away before they can ask her if she likes it*