You had returned to head quarters, nice to be home after such a long and annoying trip. You wanted nothing to do but rest, but no, your body wouldn't allow such a thing. Alucard was in the room, enjoying the very site of you, as usual. You wanted nothing but peace, quiet, to be alone.

Wandering out of the room, you had found yourself walking through the random based rooms in the basement, the cells, until you had found yourself in a very familiar one. The room was dusty with cobwebs and such. There was barely anything in the room but a chair, a table, and a book shelf with minimum books in it. You had made your way to the book shelf, glancing at the title of the books. When you found the book you had been searching for, a journal. You slowly reached for it, opening it to read the pages of history in it.

You flipped through the pages of the old book. It was a diary, whose diary, you didn't really much care whose it was. The pages of the diary were old and falling, but the writing perfectly clear. The diary contained thoughts and memories, most of them about vampires.

"Of course the stupid journal would be about vampires. This is a vampire hunting organization." You said to yourself, cursing yourself. However you kept reading on, and came to the realization of whose diary it was.

"Abraham Van Helsing." You said slowly, your mouth becoming slightly dry at the thought of the hunter that had defeated the great Alucard.

"This entire diary is how Van Helsing encountered Dracula." Continuing to read over the pages in the diary. "And Dracula, is Alucard." You said slowly as you reached an entry in the diary that spoke of a woman that the count had taken. Or more of had fallen in love with.

"Mina Harker." You said slowly as you traced over the name with your fingers. "Is this the woman who has drank your blood first, Alucard? Who has held your heart before I?" You said rather sadly as you closed the book. "I am not your Draculina. Not the first." You said quietly to yourself as you placed the book on the shelf and walked out towards the door, gripping it tightly, ready to pull the whole door off its hinges if you weren't careful.

"Tch." You said as you grinded your fangs. "'My one and only Draculina.' Such believable lies." You cursed as you walked out of the room, slamming it as you did.

You closed the book gently as the memory of that day where you had found the diary over 20 years ago was still fresh in your mind. The information in the diary had brought you onto your sadness. All this time, from the first time you met Alucard, you hadn't realize that you had indeed fallen for the Vampire King. But Alucard had fallen in love with someone too, a human he turned into a vampire, Mina Harker. You knew that Alucard falling in love was rare, and you knew he would not forget someone as important as this Mina. After drinking Alucard's blood, you had gone away on your own to find some kind of peace at mind. To drown away all the human emotions, to train yourself to live in the night. You couldn't do this if Alucard was around, he would be nothing but a distraction. Your feelings for him would just grow, and you would become nothing but a slave to him, instead of your own person. Over the years, your sadness and love had diminished with time. Only to finally be forgotten.

"My Draculina, something wrong?" You heard Alucard whisper in your ear, his head resting on your shoulder as he stood behind you. Apparently he had followed you as he smirked at you being alone in the dark unknown room.

"No." You responded quickly and coldly as you placed the book back in the shelf. Then turned away from the diary and from Alucard, quickly walking out of the room.

It was then that you realized that it was not Alucard you hated. No. You had thought of the words he fed you, the lies he said, the attention he gave you. You believed it was nothing but fake, a cover up, a replacement for his dear Mina Harker. That is what you believed. No, what you hated was the fact that you had disappeared for almost half a century to rid yourself of the emotions you carried, only to see now that you had failed. This is what you hated, not Alucard, but yourself.

"1897, I was 19 when you turned me into a vampire and I left. It was the same year you were defeated." You stated to yourself as you sat on the ledge of the balcony, looking to the early night sky. "47 years I drowned out all emotions. 1946, I met Walter and joined Hellsing. It was here, at this very place, this balcony, I met you again. 1969, you were imprisoned. 1989, you awoke once more." You continued to say, not noticing that Seras had appeared at the door of the balcony, listening to you state the dates to yourself. "1999, present time. I've been alive for 125 years, living at 19 for 106."

"Umm, Ms. Kagami?" Seras called out softly and shyly as she stood in the doorway of the balcony. "Master is looking for you."

"Oh." Was all you replied as you didn't bother to look back. "How long have you been there Seras?"

"Umm, awhile." Seras answered sadly.

"Oh." Was all you answered, but said nothing else. Seras wanted to tell you once more that Alucard was looking for you, but the tone of your voice stopped her from reciting what she had said before. Something about the way you just looked out into the midnight sky, looked sad.

"Umm, Kai." Seras called out once more, as she slowly approached you.

"Yes?" You asked.

"Umm, is everything alright?" Seras asked worriedly.

"Yes."

"Oh then, umm, can you tell me how you became a vampire?"

"Hmm? Whatever for Seras?" You asked quite curiously, turning to face the young vampire.

"Oh well, I haven't learned to drink blood like a proper vampire yet. And well, I just wanted to know how you did it." Seras said shyly once more.

"So, thats why your asking." You replied with a gentle smile. "Like you, I was attacked and on the verge of dieing. It was then that the smell of my blood attracted an injured Alucard. You figure out the rest. News of my death spread, and my younger sister committed suicide by hanging herself." To get rid of the memories and the said as you faced back towards the stars. "Because I was a virgin, I became a vampire. News of my feelings I felt that day, I drank the blood of Alucard to become a true vampire. Then I left."

"You had a sister?" Seras asked saddened by the story. "How old was she?"

"She just turned 9." You answered as you hanged your head down. "She was just a child."

"I'm sorry for asking." Seras said as she stood there, not knowing what to say.

A long silence filled the air, and Seras had thought of leaving. Not knowing what to say. You didn't really want to be alone. You would have asked Seras to stay, but she just like you, she was vulnerable to human emotions. She wouldn't be strong to hold you up while you cried. Next person you thought of, Walter. Probably best pick. A fatherly figure to you.

"Seras..." You called out before she could walk away.

"Yes Kai?" Seras replied as she turned back to you.

"Can you call Wal- ... Alucard for me?" You said through the small tears.

"Of course." Seras repied with a small smile as you she ran out of the room to look for Alucard.

Why the hell you had changed your mind last minute and asked for Alucard, you didn't understand why yourself. Alucard would be the last person you wanted to cry in front of. Actually, he was the one person you would never allow yourself to cry in front of. You were a vampire, and to you, vampires shouldn't be having human emotions. Yet here you were, crying over past events. At this moment you were weak, vulnerable, fragile. Just like a human.

End.