MAY 19

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   Changbin had never been a texter, but all week, since their date(!), he and Felix had been messaging back and forth without missing a day. Just chatting; keeping up. Felix said that he already missed seeing Changbin every day, so he checked in on him and asked about his day here and there. (Or he just sent memes until a conversation started.) Now, Changbin had gotten into the habit of smiling every time he heard his phone buzz.

   Somehow, at some point, they'd gotten onto the topic of Changbin's workout schedule— It was probably something along the lines of Changbin mentioning how he needed to take a break from their conversation in order to wash off the drying sweat he'd worked up with a quick shower, which got Felix asking what exactly he'd been doing. Ah, right, Changbin had answered that it was leg day for him— and then Felix asked what he'd be doing tomorrow. More importantly, he'd asked if tomorrow would be a good day for him to tag along with Changbin.

   Changbin had aimed for his response to be something between 'that's fine', and, 'I'd gladly clear my schedule for you' on the enthusiasm scale. This was why he'd never been a texter: it was too hard to get the right tone. He wasn't fond of using emojis himself (though he thoroughly enjoyed seeing the cute little faces Felix always sent), but he felt like his texts came off too strong and serious; he'd stare at his phone with pinched eyebrows for minutes at a time, trying to come up with a suitable response. That time he settled on: 'You're more than welcome to' (and he'd debated on whether or not to add an exclamation point for quite some time).

   After a night and day of reminding himself to not be silly about worrying whether he was eating enough to be at full performance, Changbin threw on a pair of shorts and a black tee that hugged his biceps, stopping once before he headed out to check himself in the mirror. Again, he reminded himself not to be silly as he curled his arm to flex. He shouldn't be worrying about impressing Felix. If Felix liked him, it didn't matter how big and defined his arms were, or even how much he could bench. Of course, if he didn't like him, it doubly didn't matter. Yet he worried anyway.

   The sun had just finished crawling into bed beneath a thin summer sheet of wispy cotton clouds when Changbin headed into the ghost town of a gym. He'd told Felix to show up at 9:30 for this very reason: aside from the worker at the front desk and maybe a straggler here and there, they'd be completely alone. He came a little earlier than that to get a jump start on his warm up, so five or so minutes later, when he was in the midst of a deep-lunge with his headphones on, he was surprised to suddenly see a blond-tinted blur out of his peripheral. With a trace of a grin he pushed off one side of his headphones as he tilted his head to see Felix, who had dropped into a lunge next to him.

   "Hey, Lixie," he chuckled.

   Felix burst into pretty laughter and fell out of his lunge— right onto Changbin, who he wrapped his arms around tightly, letting his sweet-sounding, "Hi, Binnie" be muffled as his face was mushed into Changbin's shoulder.

   As Felix pulled slowly away, Changbin let his arms, which had snaked around him smoothly, retract and fall to the floor as he continued to stretch. Felix followed his movements until they stood and left the empty stretch of floor, heading for the machines.

    Though Felix initially planned only to watch, Changbin asked if he wanted to try working out alongside him. At first, he hesitated, insisting that he didn't want to slow Changbin down, but with Changbin's assurance that it wouldn't be any trouble, especially since he could have Felix take a turn with each machine during the downtime between his sets that he typically just used by walking around, panting, in slow circles, Felix finally admitted that he and his little noodle arms would like to try.

   Still, Felix was absolutely spent, blond hair damp with sweat, only halfway through what would have been a typical workout for Changbin. Forty minutes later, having nearly finished his second set of renegade rows, Felix's wobbly arms gave out.

     Changbin assured him that those were difficult for him as well, as Felix pushed himself to his feet, but still, he said: "I'm just gonna do one more set, so you can go ahead and sit down on the leg curl machine if you like."

    Rather than pant through his words, Felix gave a thumbs-up and plopped himself onto the bench.

   Changbin usually would've gone on for about an hour more. He really didn't mind cutting his workout short today, though. Something else had his attention today, something he considered to be of a higher priority than pumping iron.

   Through the mirror, Changbin saw Felix watching intently as he breezed through eight more rows. Up, down, up, down— not too much trouble, though his arms were definitely beginning to tire. Then he squeezed his eyes shut to get through the last, hardest four, and when he opened them again, he looked back and saw Felix grinning, in awe. Changbin couldn't help but smile too as he set down the dumbbells with a quick, concluding exhale, and shuffled over to Felix.

   Felix giddily extended a reaching hand, flexing his fingers in a squeezing motion: a request.

   Changbin's smile grew into a grin as large as Felix's; he chuckled as he sat beside him on the bench, then pressed his lips together as he flexed the arm nearer to the boy: an offering. 

   Felix made all sorts of 'ooh's and 'ahh's as he made his way down Changbin's arm, firmly gripping the muscles, starting at the bicep and trailing down the forearm, then heading back up to the shoulder, fingers golden-warm with a pleasant static zap each time they made contact. "Wow, Binnie, you're awesome."

   Changbin's lips twitched with the difficulty of keeping it cool. Shrugging, he replied, "Thanks. You did a great job, too."

   Felix sidled closer, leaning into the small gap between their shoulders until it disappeared, and put his own flexed arm up, snorting at it and the vast difference. Next to Changbin's arm, it looked, well... teeny. His point was made. "Yeah, great," he laughed.

   "Hey, you probably did more than I could've when I started."

   That caught Felix off guard, it seemed. "Really?"

   As an answer, Changbin retrieved his phone and scrolled through the very small folder of selfies he'd taken for the sole purpose of marking his progress. Down to the very first, where he'd flexed as hard as he could until his arm shook and it still looked more or less like a strand of dried spaghetti. When he was seventeen; stick-thin and scrawny with sharply-angled cheeks and jaw. When Felix had just started attending their high school.

   It was quiet for a moment as Felix leaned close to examine the photo, but he broke out with: "Oh wow. I forgot how thin you were back then!"

   Without his realizing, a bit of a frown began to creep up on Changbin's face. What had he expected, though? Of course, Felix, who had clearly expressed his approval and admiration of Changbin's muscles multiple times by now, would be just another person who wouldn't have liked Changbin's small, skinny frame. And Changbin was even playing into that— flaunting his muscles; his strength. At the same time, he enjoyed the way Felix seemed infatuated with his appearance, and he was disappointed by it. He couldn't manage to make up his damn mind.

   And of course, he knew why. Looking at his face, his parents had just hoped he'd grow enough  to end being worth something physically but... here he was, standing just barely 5'6 today; same height as he'd been for most of high school. Above that, he'd always been belittled for being weak. This was the one thing about his appearance that he was able to change; his one claim to being enough.

   Unaware of the conflict he caused within Changbin, Felix went on after a moment of continuing to observe the photo and mumbling about how long it'd been. "I remember thinking you looked so cool— somehow more intimidating, though," he laughed. "It's weird, 'cause now it looks like you could snap me like a twig." 

   Changbin's head cocked slightly at the use of the word 'cool'. Felix had never once talked to him— even looked at him, as far as Changbin knew— and it was no wonder, because he'd looked like a nerd on top of being a weakling and a midget. Now, at least, having put on so much muscle, it seemed he stood just a bit taller.

   "I was a little scared to tell you I thought you were really handsome, so I guess I never actually did." Felix shrugged, sending shockwaves straight to Changbin's skull in the most nonchalant way.

   So... Felix liked him both ways...? Thin and (not to brag, but) jacked?

   "What? You— thought I was handsome back then?" Changbin couldn't help but gape.

   "Of course I did! I think you're even more handsome now because you seem way more confident... And I love your cheeks... But you've always been one of the best looking guys I know."

   Honestly, Changbin had thought Felix never even noticed him in high school. Felix was the cute blondie from Australia who'd showed up one day in high school and immediately became incredibly popular. He wasn't one who would've hung out with a loser like sophomore year's wimpy-looking Seo Changbin, so, again, it's not like Changbin had been surprised that Felix never said a word to him.

   But to know that conventionally adorable Felix had paid attention back then, and even found stick-thin Changbin to be not only handsome, but cool? Changbin had no words; he felt he'd gotten the wind knocked out of him. He glanced again at the picture, turning his head down toward his lap where the hand holding his phone had retreated. He stared at his own face as of four-ish years ago.

   ...Told he was ugly, or at best, average, all his life. Too small. Too weak. A runt.

   This was the biggest post-workout-high Changbin had ever gotten.

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wowwww i took so long to finish this chapter

i got stuck on it because nothing exciting was happening in it and also i've been pretty gosh diggity darn busy the past month partly bc much like changbin i'm getting ripped and yk, i've been putting a lot of time into that. the next one will come faster because it's basically done and waiting to come out!! but first, i owe somebody a chapter of washable markers