AURORA

When I stumbled into the kitchen on Sunday morning, I felt better than I did on Saturday. Mainly because I spent most of it sleeping off a hangover. My sister, Bianca was sitting at the kitchen table, she smiled when she saw me.

"Hey, you feeling better?" She made her way to the counter and handed me a slice of lightly buttered toast, and an egg, along with a cup of coffee. I smiled at her. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze.

"I made you some toast, always makes me feel better when I'm not feeling well." She said. I knew she was referring to the  She hadn't been awake when I'd showed up at almost 3am drunk and high and feeling better, and worse than I had in days at the same time. We sat down at the table. Bianca, ten years older than me was a psychologist, and I knew she was scanning me for the signs of grief I was supposed to be showing. 

"How are you doing kiddo?" She asked sipping her coffee. I shrugged. 

"About as good as I can be." I told her. She nodded. I knew her well enough to know, she wasn't going to show me her grief. 

"Can we, can we go see Grayson today?" I asked, not really sure if I wanted to.

"Yeah, we can. I went yesterday, while you were still sleeping. He's still sleeping." She remarked. I nodded, tears brimming in my eyes, I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. Bianca squeezed my arm.

"It's gonna be okay Rory, I promise. You've still got me, I'm not going anywhere, I swear." She said. I took a bite of my toast. This, was the first time I had cried. The first time it hit me. They were gone, truly gone. My parents, were gone, dead. They would never be at my wedding, or meet my children, see me graduate. My brother might die. I lost it right then, I burst into tears. My sister sighed. I slumped to the floor. She sat with me, and I cried. She wrapped her arms around me, and I cried. 

I don't know for how long we sat like that, on the kitchen floor, toast crumbs on my t-shirt, laying in my sisters arms, and sobbing. At some point, I was so exhausted I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in my bedroom. The curtains were drawn, and it was completely dark. I rolled over, there was no light pouring through the windows. It was dark, it was nighttime. My eyes felt heavy, and my face was stained with tears, evidence of all the crying I'd done. Despite the fact that I'd been asleep I felt wasted, used up, and exhausted. 

I pulled myself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom, I rinsed my face with cold water, and drank about a gallon from the faucet. There was a slight knock on the door, and I looked up to see Bianca standing there, leaning against the doorframe, holding a glass of water. She held it out to me.

"I put electrolytes in it, maybe make you feel better." She said. I took a grateful sip. 

"Is this how it's always going to be?" I asked, looking at her. She shook her head.

"No, everyday it'll hurt a little less, until you can barely feel it." She said, and gave me another hug. I leaned against her, she smelled like vanilla, and coconut shampoo. Like my mom smelled. 

"Hey, while you slept I looked into some support groups, your  school has one, they have sessions  three times a week. and I got you signed up for therapy twice a week, a woman who works at my office." She told me, releasing me from the hug. I was in no place, or mood to argue. So I just nodded.

"If your feeling up to going back tomorrow, you can. No pressure, I called the school the day after the incident." She said, because that's what they are calling my parents death. 

"Yeah, yeah. Life goes on, right?" I asked, hopefully. Hoping that Life actually did go on. She smiled, Bianca looked like our mother. Same long thick blonde hair, same bright blue eyes, same dimples when she smiled. Like every time I looked at her, I was looking at my mom. Grayson, looked like our dad, same brown eyes, and dirty brown hair, and tan skin. I was a mix off them, blonde hair, hazel eyes, and and sand colored skin, sunkissed almost.  I smiled, I saw the both of them in me.