Two sides of the same coin

"Easy." Elija hisses as I press the cotton ball soaked in alcohol to his face. I scoff as I drag it across, gathering up all the dry blood on it.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I chide as I go for another one.

"Since when do you need to think to get in a fight?"

"So then you got your ass kicked for being a total jackass?"

At this, Elija pushes my hand away, preventing me from cleaning his wound further. "I'm sick of this place. I'm sick of dad being a fucking asshole and I'm sick of mum for being so stupid and letting him."

I throw the bloodied cotton balls away and sit back down. "So am I, but you don't see me getting into pointless fights."

"If you must know, Vince said he was going to kick your ass next time he saw you." I furrow my brows as I stare back at him. "Something about you kissing Georgia. So I told him to fuck off, that he wasn't going to touch you and so he beat my ass for it."

"That was stupid. You know I can handle my own fights."

"Yeah, I know. But that doesn't mean I'm going to let you. You're my brother, I'd do it all over again if I had to."

"...Harry?" I'm dragged out of my thoughts and I realize I'm the last one sitting down. I had been so focused on the men lowering the casket to even mind the rain and I was now completely soaked. Georgia was standing in front of me, an umbrella in her hand as she did her best to shield me from the rain. "Come, everyone's left for the wake."

"Go on without me." The truth was, I didn't want to leave. This wasn't like every other night where I didn't know where Elija was. At least then I could assume he was somewhere off at some club or sleeping in someone's couch. Now, I have to live the remaining of my life knowing exactly where he is.

Buried in a six foot hole in the cemetery. I knew one day this was bound to happen, I just always assumed he would somehow outlive me. My mother of course, took it the hardest. I hardly recognized her, she's always so put together. Sometimes she appeared too cold but this...this managed to break her.

My father even managed a few tears and yet I, even with the rain to help mask them, I couldn't find it in me to cry. Maybe my mind doesn't comprehend, I mourned him every day of his existence, thinking the last time I saw him would for sure be the last time. That he'd finally overdose and that would be it.

I've just mourned him too much.

Eventually, I stood up and walked. It wasn't far from here where the wake would be held, but even if it was I'd walk there in hopes I managed some tears for my brother. I know Elija would be disappointed in knowing I couldn't shed a tear for him, he was that egocentric.

I knew Elija was hurting like I was. Our childhood fucked us up, I knew I was handling it poorly. But I never took Elija to take the easy way out. My brother was a free spirit, I guess I didn't pay enough attention. I was always focused on what fuckery he would curse me with each day.

The wake was held at my grandparents place. They were long gone now but the humble home still stood enough to hold all these people I did not know. The picket white fence lined with colorful flowers and bushes catch my attention as I go in, nodding momentarily at the people who pay me their condolences.

None of these people knew my brother, if they did I can guarantee half of them wouldn't be here. Still, there was one person I didn't expect to see here today and that was Bill. He brought my mother a cup of tea from the kitchen and stands at her side, a bizarre sight.

When he spots me, he nods my way. "Sorry for your loss." I almost scoff. If there was one person who didn't belong here, it was Bill. No one hated Elija more than him and Elija hated him just as much. He stuck out like a sore thumb.

However, before I can muster up a snark comment, an even more unexpected person walks out of the kitchen with a glass of water in hand.

Beau.

"Harry." I hear Georgia from beside me. She rubs my back as I stare back at Beau who only looks between Georgia and I.

"You remember, Beau, right?" Bill taunts.

Beau appears to hold back whatever it is she wanted to say and looks at me. "I'm so sorry for your loss." Her eyes were sad and I know her enough to know she meant that. She looks down in shame as I realize I stare for way too long.

Whatever it was she was doing here, she was here with Bill and something tells me he brought her to spite me. She wasn't Elija's biggest fan, if anything Elija gave her grief while we were together but I can tell she felt sorry, at least for me. "Thanks." I mumble, walking off with Georgia by my side.

I wasn't going to let Bill know he got to me, even if he came flaunting Beau at my face. Besides, I don't think being around her for much longer would've eased up anything I might be feelings. Beau was amongst one of the many things I needed to stay away from if I longed for sobriety.

Because when I craved her, I craved everything else that was bad for me.

"Are you okay?" Georgia asks, noticing at how I leaned against the pillar for stability. Seeing her here reminds me of the day of the auction. It also sparked up whatever it was I felt then, because I hadn't realized my hand shaking at my side.

Was I about to have an anxiety attack? In the middle of this room? With all these people? "Why don't you sit down?"

"I can't be here." I say, taking my arm back from where she was leading me towards a chair.

"I can drive you home." Georgia offers and as much as I want to object, I knew that if she didn't I would more than likely wake up in some alley later. Georgia doesn't give me much of a choice as she helps me out of the house and towards the street where her car was. The rain had only picked up and I felt my heart go back to its speed the second we pulled off.

My face was hot and my ears were ringing and I knew I had avoided an anxiety attack. It's been a while since I've had one of those, it couldn't have been a coincidence that seeing Beau triggered it.

"Do you want to talk?" Georgia speaks and we were now in my living room as she hands me a bottled water.

"Talk about what?" I don't see there being anything else to talk about.

"You seemed to get really upset back there, I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"It isn't my first time having an anxiety attack, I'm sure it won't be the last. I'll be fine." Although I sure do hope it's the last one. I can't imagine anything else worse than this happening to me anytime soon.

"I'm sorry for asking but, what was Beau doing there? Was she close with Elija?"

I sigh, I was hoping Georgia didn't bring it up. "No, they weren't each other's biggest fans."

"Oh. Don't take this the wrong way, but doesn't that seem a bit rude to you?"

I chuckle. "Bill must've invited her."

"Bill your stepbrother?"

I nod. "Yeah, they used to date." Or could be dating again now for all I know. I can't imagine Bill forcing Beau to fly all the way to London to a funeral for someone she couldn't stand. Why the hell am I telling Georgia all this? I've never felt so vulnerable.

"I'm sorry?" She sounds confused. "Your stepbrother and Beau? Your ex-girlfriend Beau?"

"It's...complicated." Long story short, I took her away from a low place and drug her even lower. "Don't even ask."

"You say," Georgia furrows her eyebrows. "I heard when you said Bill was a dickhead but bringing her around knowing you're grieving is just plain fucked up."

No surprise there. Knocks at the front door have me standing up from the couch as I walk off towards the sliding door to my balcony. This encourages Georgia to open the front door herself as I grab one of my cigarettes and lean against the rail, looking down the city below.

The once clean air is interrupted by the cloud of smoke from my cigarette. It was apparent I now had to figure out what to do with this apartment, I've only been here three months and now I have to move again thanks to Elija. I scoff. "One last inconvenience."

"Harry?" Georgia says from behind me.

"Tell whoever it is I'm not taking visitors." When I look to my side, Beau is standing there with sad eyes. "What are you doing here?" More importantly, how did she find out where I lived? I doubt Bill told her.

"I'll see you later." Georgia says from behind me but I can't focus on her as Beau looks down to her hands. Her nails were a dark blue and her hair was nicely slicked back in a low bun and as the wind picked up, I could smell her dark perfume.

"I don't know." She says, finally looking back up at me. "When I heard about what happened to you last week, I wanted to contact you, I couldn't sleep not knowing if you were okay. And then Brooklyn told me about seeing you again and I practically beat it out of my sister. And then William told me about what had happened with Elija and asked me here with him—"

"Beau, I meant what are you doing here, in my apartment." I clarify and she stops herself.

"Oh," She says and I can see her face get a red tint. "I thought you could use the company." I stare back at her and I can tell she was lying. She obviously saw me with Georgia and watched us leave. "You know I'm lying." She states and I nod.

"The first time you lie to me and it isn't a very good one." I knew exactly why she was here, she's about the only other person who knows how I get when something traumatic happens in my life. The only one now.

I lean on my elbows against the railing and she does the same short after. I watch as the ash from my cigarette trickles off with the wind. I was way too calm and collected, considering I had the love of my life right next to me and her perfume is blowing directly to my face. Then again, I had taken a Valium earlier.

"That's true." She sighs. "To be honest, William didn't ask me here."

As she says this, I turn to look at her. "No?"

"I actually asked. I know how much you loved Elija and I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now." As she says this, my eyes begin to burn and I look away, throwing my cigarette off the balcony.

"Please don't." I say and she places her hand on top of mine.

"All I'm trying to say is, don't do something you might regret." I look down at her hand on mine and feel as her touch warms my skin almost instantly. "I don't want to lose the entirety of you."

As she says this, I sigh, removing my hand from her warmth and immediately feeling cold again. "You shouldn't be here."

Beau grabs her hand and runs her fingers over it nervously, obviously taken aback. I wanted nothing more than for her to reach out of touch my skin again, to bring back her warmth, I felt my skin itch at her absence. "Cami told you to stay away from me, didn't she?" She asks and I walk off inside my apartment, she follows. "Didn't she?" She repeats.

"Yeah, she did." I say.

"That's not for her or anyone to decide, Harry."

"I agree with her." I say, standing my ground.

Beau looks at me, her eyebrows furrowing and her light blue eyes piercing back into mine. "You do not."

"Why is this an issue for you? You live in New York, not to mention you're back with Bill apparently."

"Who said I'm back with him?" She crosses her arms at this.

"He did." More like, he implied they were.

"In my life will I ever go back with him. William and I are just friends, we reconnected a few months ago but only because my parents invited him over for the holidays. There's history between us, but that's all." Funny, that's exactly the same way I felt about Georgia when my father asked. "As for the other thing, Vogue offered me a position in Hanover Square."

"Do you even know where Hanover Square is?"

"You know I don't." Beau remarks. "But I thought since you live here now, you could show me?"

"You're not actually considering this, are you? Moving to London from New York is a big change of pace, not to mention you've lived in America your whole life."

"And you've lived in London your whole life and moved to New York." She challenged. "We both know how horrible New York has been to me. I don't have any friends there, I eat alone during my lunch hour for crying out loud! I thought the city would offer me a fresh start and clearly I was wrong."

"What makes you think here would be different?"

"Because I know you here. New York wasn't kind to you either." She was right, I knew she was right. We were just two sides of the same coin. However, it still doesn't change the fact that her moving here was not a good idea in the slightest.

"Beau." I begin but she comes closer, her eyes melting into mine.

"We can be different people here." When she realizes how close we are, she takes a step back. "Unless, Georgia and you..." Beau trails off, insinuating and probably making up scenarios in her head.

"We're not." I say. "But if you're going to do this, we're friends." I wouldn't want to risk finding out what Cami would do, even though her temptress sister is the one who tricked me into this.

Beau smiles as she knew she had gotten her way. "Best of friends."

Something tells me I wont like the way this story ends.

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