"Styles." I hear followed by a loud echoing bang, when my eyes open I realize I'm slumped on the dirty floor of what appears to be a jail cell. I look forward to the guard, his face clearly judging me. "You made bail." He glowers at me, stepping aside for me to pass through, probably thinking in his mind that I was just another asshole criminal who would probably end up back in this same cell.

He leads me to gather my stuff which was less of a broken phone and a pair of keys. I wasn't sure why I was here but I had an inkling it must've been bad. I sigh as I breathe in the cold morning air, mentally preparing myself for my father's look of disapproval, maybe even my mother's.

But I didn't expect to see Beau, leaning against her car in a grey hoodie, a pair of denim jeans and a look of... I don't even know what this look she was giving me was.

Disgust?

She can tell seeing her took me by surprise by the way I'm stopped, she opens the passenger door and walks towards her drivers side, expecting me to get in. "Fuck me." I mutter under my breath as I shamefully walk towards her car and get in, silently putting on the seatbelt.

Whatever hangover I had, was completely gone.

We drove in silence, I didn't dare to speak and she sure as hell didn't either. Or maybe she was holding back her tongue, whatever it was she wanted to say to me I probably deserved it.

Rain started to pick up as she drove, the sound of the wipers added on to the silence. I expected for her to drop me off at some random street corner, but she takes me by surprise when she pulls in to a restaurant and sits back.

"Let's go." She finally says, unbuckling her seatbelt and going for her purse.

"I'm not hungry." I dare to say but she doesn't care about what I have to say as she gets out of the car and hurries out of the rain towards the doors of the restaurant. I sigh, stepping out and following her inside. She sits at a table, her gaze fixated on the menu in front of her and I couldn't help but feel like I was being set up. That any moment, someone might come up behind me and take me somewhere I don't want to be.

This was all so bizarre to me, she was acting like it was just any Tuesday morning and hadn't just bailed me out of jail.

I sit and the waiter places a menu in front of me but I don't look at it as my eyes remain on Beau.

She wasn't wearing any makeup and her hair was wet and in disarray. Her nose red and her skin was pale. Finally, she looks up at me. Her blue eyes looked dull and there was no emotion.

"Beau, what's—" I begin but I am being cut off by the waiter.

"Have you both decided yet?" He looks between us, Beau orders her food and I sit back in silence, thinking how she can have any appetite left after this.

The waiter look at me expectantly. "Nothing for me, thanks." I disregard and he leaves. I feel so out of place and confused, not even knowing what I want to say and I only wish for her to speak first, but she doesn't. We just sit in silence.

I don't know if the goal for her was to make me uncomfortable, but I was as uncomfortable as I've ever been in my entire life. People come and go, Beau eats her breakfast and I can't help but feel sick. I caught a glimpse of myself on the napkin dispenser and I was now sporting stubble, my suit was dirty and my hair was messy.

I don't know how they even allowed me in here.

Beau pays for her food and we leave, still unable to make whatever it was this morning is supposed to be. Is she stalling for something? Maybe she's just waiting for me to speak first, that's probably it as we sit in the car, the rain picking up by the second.

"Why are you doing this?" I finally speak, her eyes move from the steering wheel towards me. She looks tired and if I'm not mistaken, it almost looks like she was either sick or had been crying.

"I didn't do it for you, if that's what you're wondering." She replies, her voice collected. "Apparently I was the only contact on your emergency list."

There it is. She didn't do it because she cares, she did it because she felt like she had to. I can't say that didn't sting but I definitely deserved it.

"I didn't need your help." I protest, my defense mechanism immediately making itself known.

Beau nods. "No, of course you don't. Why would you? Somehow I'm always the one picking up the pieces of whatever you manage to fuck up."

"That's on you. I never asked you to do any of that."

Her face turned red in anger. "I can't believe that after all these years of knowing you, you never managed to really know me." She lets out a faint chuckle. "You blame me for your addiction when all I ever try to do is make you feel better. But that's not what you want, is it? You don't want to get better. I moved here for a new start, but did part of me hope for a better you? Yeah, I did."

"You know, if you weren't so busy trying to change me, hoping to mold me into whatever version of me you want, you'd realize that I made myself very clear. I didn't want you here to start with, I wanted to get away from everything and that meant getting away from you."

"It's funny how you were so determined to get me in the beginning and now you can't even look at me." Beau remarks. "Did I mean so little to you?" Her voice cracks in the stillness and I can tell she tried to recompose herself.

I look away from her towards the window, watching the rain fall furiously. How can she say that? She meant everything to me, she's still everything to me. But I know that the reason why she's asking is because of how I'm treating her now. But I can't watch her fight to stay afloat while she holds on to me, I'm only dragging her down.

"What do you want me to say?" My tone is callous, calculated and I was lying. Inside, I hated the way her voice cracked, I hated seeing her this way and I hated hurting her. But there is no future for us, in fact I think this is actually it for me. I have nothing left, and she deserves everything and so much more.

"Did I?" She presses, her voice laced with pain.

I dare not to look at her, the expression on it would hurt me way more than not having her in my life. At least then, I don't have to close my eyes and see the pain I made her feel in this moment.

I shrug, feigning indifference. "You were a good time." A lie. A big fucking lie. But I need her to let me go, I can tell she wants to. "Just a pastime."

There's a momentary silence but I can hear her breathing and if it wasn't pouring outside, I would be able to hear the sound of her heartbeat. "Look me in the eyes and repeat that." She says and my heart drops. She knows me, she knows I won't be able to, at least not under the influence of sobriety. "Harry," Her voice is stern and determined. "Say that again."

I harden myself and force my gaze towards her. Her eyes were red and glossy, matching the gloomy morning. "Sorry you misinterpreted things."

A tear falls from Beau's eye and she quickly wipes at it. "I cant do this shit anymore." She turns away, her eyes full of sadness. "It's always the same, you will never change, you don't want to get better."

"Why can't you just let this go?" I say, defeated. "We're no longer acquainted, you and I. I am not your problem, what I do doesn't affect you."

"How can you say that? You're not that void of sentiment, I know that. I've seen you care and I know you're only trying to push me away. And guess what? It's working. If you don't want to get help, then consider me out of your life. I tried to help you as best as I could, but I realized that this isn't something I can fix, this is something you have to do yourself and you obviously don't want to. To answer your earlier question, I'm doing this because I need closure. You just proved to me that I no longer want to watch you kill yourself and get blamed for it just because I'm around you. I love you, but loving you hurts much more and I have to take care of myself before anyone else."

Her words pierce my haze and shame burns within me. I don't know at what point this got so bad, I also don't know what I was trying to achieve when I asked her sister for Beau's phone number. I knew I shouldn't have had her back in my life but that constant reminder that I'd never see her again was enough to drive me insane.

But that's the way things have to be, she has to move on and I have to figure out what the hell I'm going to do. Still, as much as I'm going to miss her, I've already lost her more than once I'm sure I can manage.

When she sees I don't say anything, she sighs and leans back. "I quit Vogue." She says and I look up at her, my eyebrows furrowed in question at her revelation. "It hurt, what you said to me. And I guess the excitement of it all didn't let me see things clearly, but you were right. They weren't interested in me because I'm good, they were interested in me because of whatever deal you made with them for a position."

I knew I shouldn't have said anything about that, all these years and that never managed to slip past my lips until now. "You didn't have to quit." I say.

"Of course I did. I don't want to be somewhere that's based on a lie." Her eyes are like daggers my way and I know she's blaming me. I don't know what to say next, in fact I haven't had much words for anything lately. Beau finally pulls out of the parking space and she begins to drive, again in silence but we weren't that far from our buildings so the ride wasn't long. Before I can get down, she speaks again. "Please do me a favor, take me off your emergency list. I don't want the next call to be from the hospital because you overdosed or worse yet, from the morgue. Don't call me, don't text me, don't come looking for me. This is it for us."

Her words sting but I knew this is for the best. She wanted closure and she got it.

I get off, again no words and she lowers the window. "I really do hope you get help, Harry." She says and our eyes lock for a moment before she's putting the window back up and drives off.

Leaving me with the bitter taste of regret and the crushing weight of my own failures.