We arrived at a dainty café, most of the tables were overtaken by people. Some were college students with their laptops probably working on some school work and others looked like they were on dates and friend outings.

We reach a table near the window with two people already seated, a man and a woman. "Guys, look who I ran into." Georgia says as soon as we approach them. They both turn noticing Harry and immediately stand up with obvious excitement in their faces. The woman, who I assumed was Liv goes to Harry and wraps her arms around him in an embrace. I can tell Harry was caught off guard by this action but he still manages to hug her back. The guy, assuming his name was Corey grins and also goes for a half hug. "And this is Beau."

They both turn to me and I smile. Liv comes up to me and kisses my cheek. "Lovely to meet you, Beau. I am Liv and this is my fiancé, Corey." Corey smiles at me and we shake hands.

Harry let's me get the window seat first takes the one next to me, Georgia sits in the corner so that she is facing all of us. "What are you doing here? It's been so long since we last saw each other, how have you been?" Liv asks, her smile never once leaving her lips.

"I've been busy every single day of my life since my move to America." Harry begins, answering the second half of her question.

"Busy businessman with the big company." Corey mocks. "We heard when the biggest entrepreneur in New York backed down so that he can continue the company through someone else. Never thought it'd be you considering we never heard from you again."

"I don't know what I had planned for my future but I can assure you, taking over an enterprise was no dream of mine." Harry explains, his hands on top of the table and he plays with his rings, a nervous tic of his. "I guess I just wanted to start over."

"It's understandable," Georgia says with kind eyes and a smile. "We all missed you and we're glad to have you back." Their conversation goes on for a while until Harry's phone rings and he's forced to answer. "So tell us," Georgia looks at me. "How did you guys meet?" I notice Liv sneak a glance at Georgia that she ignores.

Now, all eyes seemed to be on me and I felt a sudden weight on my shoulders. I set my coffee down. "He was always coming around my building. We share mutuals so we met that way." I recall, remembering the first time I met him on the elevator.

"I have to say, it's a good thing Harry left when he did. Otherwise I wouldn't be marrying Corey." Liv snickers. Corey, Georgia and I look at her.

"Well aren't I the luckiest?" Corey lifts his eyebrows in a quick motion, bringing the cup of coffee to his lips and takes a drink.

"You and Harry dated?" I ask, slightly turning my head to hear more about this.

"Oh, no." She waves me off. "I mean, I wanted to but he only saw me as his 'little sister' and all that crap."

"That's right, I remember you were so in love with him at one point." Georgia recalls a memory and all three of them laugh. I shuffle in my seat awkwardly. "One time in science class she mixed chemicals to make red smoke, Harry was her lab partner."

"What we're you trying to achieve?" Corey crosses his arms. "And weren't we dating?"

"No, that was when you and I had broken up for winter break. And I don't know, I guess I thought if I made this red smoke I could somehow make a heart. All it did was dye the roof red and I got in trouble for it. I was a big science bitch." She waves us off and drinks from her cup.

"What was he like back then? I gather he wasn't moody all the time?"

"Oh he was, but definitely not more than he is now. He was kind despite what was going on back home," Georgia says. "You do know about what happened...right? I don't want to speak out of term."

"If you're referring to his father then yes." I say and she nods. There's a dark tension between the four of us now. Liv and Corey look down to their hands.

"He was afraid to ever date because he knew his parents would have to meet the person. He was terrified of his dad and what he did. He didn't want to put anyone in a dangerous situation with his father so..."

That explains the no dating and no falling in love rule of his. Because of his trauma.

"I mean when we dated it had to be kept a secret." At this, I look up from my coffee cup and at her. She's taking a drink from her cup, oblivious to my gaze.

"You and Harry dated?" I ask.

She looks at me in question before she nodded slowly. "We dated for a year. That was the same year he left for America." So that explains why Harry said I could stay back at the hotel if I wanted to. In reality there was no choice for me, he wanted me to stay so that I didn't have to be in the same room with his ex-girlfriend.

I watch as Harry comes back inside the café and joins our table once again.

"I'm sorry about that," Harry says and I can feel the cold weather from outside radiate off of him. Georgia looks down to her coffee mug. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Liv says. "We were just talking about you and Beau."

"Yeah, like how long have you known each other and stuff." Georgia adds in, she offers me a soft smile. The attention was now on Harry.

Harry doesn't look in my direction, I watch as he shrugs his shoulders slightly, undoing a button on his suit, almost as if what he was about to say wasn't a big deal. "We've known each other for a while," Harry says. "Been really good friends since then."

Friends.

Hearing Harry say that we're just friends has me looking down. I glare at Harry's ring on my finger. That just completely invalidates everything we have ever been through. Every fight, every reconciliation, every first times, every smudged red lipstick on his back. That all means absolutely nothing if we're just friends.

"Such good friends that now we're engaged." I blurt out and now everyone looks at me, except for Harry.

"You're engaged?" Corey asks, I see Georgia purse her lips and look away. "Since when?"

"Just last week." I'm probably adding fuel to the already growing fire, but I was getting really tired of Harry not acknowledging us or me for all that matter. He was focused on Georgia and his friends to even bother to introduce me as his fiancée.

"Oh, so this is new?" Georgia says, wide eyed.

"Yeah, it was sudden but we had already been together for a while."

"Why didn't you say?" Liv speaks now. "This is good news."

"Totally." Georgia says shortly.

"It's not really a big deal," When Harry says this, I look to him in disbelief for the second time today. Everyone in the table looks unsure of what is even going on.

I bite the inside of my cheek before I muster up my courage. "Are you kidding me?" I was hurt now.

"Can we talk about this later?" Harry now looks at me and that only pisses me off. He's only looking at me to shut me down.

"No please," I continue. "I'm already embarrassed enough as it is so whatever you have to say just say it." I seethe, my eyes glaring at him as my vision becomes impaired with hot tears.

Harry looks away from me and stands up. "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to cut this short." Harry places down some money for our coffee's. "Beau." His jaw clenched as he says my name. I grip my purse and look at the three who looked like they also wanted to leave.

"I'm so sorry." I apologize, stand up and walk away. I take advantage of Harry staying behind to probably apologize and I go for the nearest cab.

"Where to?" The driver asks as I control my breathing to avoid a panic attack in the back of the cab. I felt lightheaded and like I really needed to leave this place. I see Harry come out of the café, anger or worry in his face.

I make sure he doesn't see me as I tell the driver to drive me back to the hotel. It wasn't that far of a drive so I request that he stays to take me to the airport as well. I was not going to spend another second here with a man who deliberately hides me to please his friends. Maybe I'm overreacting or maybe I'm finally awake to realize that what we're doing is absolutely stupid. We're engaged because of a drug bender, we were not in our heads, especially Harry. He proposed to me while on coke, that should've been reason enough.

There is no excuse for me. I was practically sober to the point where I knew I should've stopped it. Harry doesn't want to marry me, he just doesn't want to lose me and there is a big fucking difference. He said so himself. As I'm packing I feel sick to my stomach. What the fuck was I even thinking? I had been cooped up in this hotel room almost all week to even realize it was Christmas Eve and this is how I'm spending it.

He has been so tense ever since he proposed to me, in the back of my head I knew that was the thing that would break us yet I still allowed it to continue. I know Harry's pride is too big to take it back. But what's wrong with Harry isn't on me. It should be this way, me trying to fix whatever it is he does on a bender.

His detriment is Elija. Harry can not be sober if he has him around, no amount of rehab will clear that illness he has breathing over his shoulder and Harry has made it perfectly clear that he can not be without his brother. This is why I can never hate Harry. He may put out this strong businessman persona for everyone to see, but behind closed doors he is just about as weak as a defenseless child. He is easily manipulated and heavily influenced by those around him, especially his brother.

I can't ever hate him, but I also can't stick around when I feel like it is damning for me. Once again, the involvement of my feelings made me a victim.

That was my detriment.

I take two Advil's as I felt a headache and pack the last of my stuff in my suitcase.

Just as I'm getting ready to leave, I notice a white envelope on the desk with my name on it. I take it and head downstairs to the cab, thanking the driver for waiting. I put my suitcase in the trunk and we drive away.

I look down to the envelope in my hands and finally decide to open it.

Beau.

I have rewritten this many times now, I'm surprised the tearing of paper hasn't woken you but I'm glad that it hasn't. I know if you were to wake up, I wouldn't have the courage to write this without feeling like I'm betraying you. The truth is, I've been having doubts. About me. About wether or not I'm the ideal man you deserve. And I have come to the realization that I am not. My therapist had said that in order to come to terms with things, writing might help. Somehow I doubt that, but I know that I would not be able to say what I'm about to say to your face.

I'm an addict.

But you know this, you've seen it. It's a disease that is very hard to overcome. I have tried, many times. But you of all people know how that has gone. I went from being a CEO, having a drug addict brother and now a fiancée all while being under the influence. I can function without the drugs, but that would make neither of us happy. But there is no point in me telling you how that might go because once again, you know that. The point is, I can't be with you when I don't even know how to be with myself. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you, but damn it I can't do that when every day I battle with myself, every goddamned day. As much as you are right for me, having you around is only a constant reminder of everything I am not. I will never be the man you want me to be and you will never be good enough to help me and my addiction. I will not ask that of you. You had me for a while, but then I went back into that drug infested hell of mine that now I'm in too deep.

I'm afraid, but I'm more afraid of dragging you down with me. I figured, leaving would do you a solid. Something was bound to happen on this trip, so I prepared for it. There is still so much you don't know about me and if I'm being honest, I am glad yet I beat myself over it every time you look at me with nothing but love in your eyes.

You are perfect for me in every way but my flaws require more than what you give me and I will never forgive myself for that. You don't deserve to be with a man as conflicted as I am, you deserve someone that will make you a priority, not a chance for redemption. I've decided I want to give London another try, maybe it'll be good for me and maybe it'll be good for you. America was never my home, it was my personal hell.

I'm sorry I have nothing more to say. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day, I know I have done this one too many times but I feel this has been it for me.

Meeting you was never a mistake, I think you were placed in that apartment for a reason. I didn't see it then, but you were exactly what I needed to open my eyes.

And I love you, that I'm sure of.

Yours for always, H.

I feel something else in the envelope and it's a plane ticket. When I look up through cloudy eyes I see Harry, wet from the rain outside with a look that matches the bipolar London weather.