June, 2012

Bucky grabbed a hold of Steve's hand, and Steve felt this fluttery feeling in his chest that he couldn't understand. It made his heart clench and his throat tighten. He had felt this before, but usually he tried to ignore it. Once again, he pushed his feelings aside and focused all his attention on his best friend.

They were currently at the mall, and they had stopped in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the crowd. They got a few dirty looks as people were forced to swerve around them. Bucky and Steve didn't realize then that the dirty looks weren't only because of their getting in the way, but rather their hands that were tightly clasped together.

"Bucky?" Steve asked. He was studying his friend curiously, who looked to be in a daze.

Steve was about a head shorter than Bucky, and with their close proximity Steve had to crane his neck to look up at his friend. Bucky's eyes were glassy and he had a slight smirk on his face. He was looking ahead at a group of girls who were from their school. They were giggling and looking right back at Bucky. Steve felt something inside of him shift. There was this sort of fury building up inside of him, and he didn't know why.

"Bucky!" Steve said again, louder this time.

"Steve," Bucky said, and suddenly he was frowning.

"What's wrong?" Steve said, concern across his delicate features.

Bucky looked down, his eyes trained on a sole speck of dirt on the floor. Steve didn't know what could've brought Bucky from such a daze to a sudden state of sadness. Bucky looked sad and distant. Steve wanted, needed to know why Bucky suddenly seemed so morose. He wanted to help him.

"Buck, please," Steve tried again. "I know something's wrong. Don't even try lying to me."

"It's nothing." Steve have him a stern look. "Actually, it's something. How about we get food right now? I'll tell you later, I promise."

Still holding onto Steve's hand, Bucky pulled him along toward the food court.  Because it was after lunch time it was  much less packed, which the two were both immensely grateful for, neither liking huge crowds much.

Still, they were getting strange stares. Neither could ignore the fact that they were holding hands anymore, nor could they be completely oblivious to the fact that it was considered 'unnatural'. Steve didn't care; he wanted to forget the world and get lost in the softness and warmth of Bucky's hand that reminded him he was home. It was a comfort he turned to time and time again. For Bucky, he worried that if he let go of Steve somehow he'd get lost. He didn't want to lose his Stevie. Ever. Perhaps Bucky wasn't feeling the same things as Steve, but he cared for Steve just as much.

"What would you like?" Bucky asked, pulling Steve from his reverie.

"Uh. . ." Steve was suddenly feeling nervous, and he couldn't pinpoint why. This was just Bucky. What did he have to be nervous about?

"Steve? What's wrong?" It was Bucky's turn to ask. He shared the same concern in his eyes that Steve had had earlier.

"Nothing," Steve said with as much certainty that he could muster. Bucky didn't look too convinced, but let it go, currently too caught up in his own issues.

Steve looked around at all the fast food places clustered together. Arby's, Taco Bell, New York Fries, Burger King, plus a few others. If he was being honest, he wanted none of it. He was worried for Bucky, which seemed to take away his appetite. Something was clearly upsetting him, and because Bucky was upset, so was Steve.

"Whatever you want," Steve finally said.

Bucky frowned. He seemed to be doing a lot of that. "You don't seem too keen on anything." Hid eyes suddenly lit up. "What about that sushi place? You love sushi!"

"No, it's okay," Steve assured. "It's expensive, and I don't have money after I spent most of it on those shirts, remember? Besides, it's on the other side of the mall."

"Nonsense, I'll pay for you," Bucky said without a second thought. "It's what friends do, right? They help each other out. And it's really not that far. Unless you're too tired to walk that far?" Bucky teased.

"Tired? Of course not." Steve shook his head and chuckled softly. "But I can't let you pay for me."

"Why not?" Bucky asked him. He thought Steve was being a little ridiculous. It was just one time, and if Steve really cared that much he could always pay him back, if Bucky would accept it, which he probably wouldn't.

Steve shook his head. "I can get by on my own."

Bucky squeezed his hand. "The thing is, you don't have to." Steve felt his heart swell. "C'mon, lets go."

This time Steve didn't protest. He let Bucky lead him to the other side of the mall where the sushi restaurant was. It was fancy for being in a dumpy mall, and far more pricy than either of them should've been able to afford. Fortunately, Mrs. Barnes was quite fond of her son, and for that matter Steve, so she had given him more money than he needed. Hopefully, she wouldn't mind that a large portion of it would be going to sushi.

The waitress there was petite with dark hair pulled tight up into a high ponytail. Her eyes glistened, the irises like the colour of the ocean. She reminded Steve of Bucky. In fact, she looked strikingly like Bucky—if Steve didn't know Bucky already he would've thought that they were siblings. She was also quite pretty, Steve thought.

"Well if it isn't James Buchanan Barnes," she said, a wide grin on her face, looking quite like the Cheshire Cat. She couldn't have been any older than twenty.

"Nessa!" Bucky tore his hand away from Steve to wrap his arms around the young woman. Steve felt the warmth leave him, and he couldn't help but feel disappointed, even though he didn't know why. 'Nessa' hugged him back. Bucky was already taller than her, though not by much.

"Bucky!" She pulled him off her only seconds later. Then she muttered under her breath, "I'm supposed to be acting professional."

"You didn't tell me you worked here," Bucky said in an accusatory tone.

"I'm new," she explained. She looked at Steve as if just noticing he was there. "Oh! You must be Steve. Bucky talks about you all the time."

Bucky's cheeks flushed pink, and he mumbled incoherently under his breath. Nessa only giggled at this.

She led them to an empty, secluded area near the back of the restaurant. At this time of the day, the whole restaurant was fairly empty. There was only one other elderly couple eating; it was probably their dinner.

She lazily flung the menus onto the table. Bucky had to quickly extend his arm out to grab one before it slid off of the table. Nessa muttered a 'sorry', though it was clear that she wasn't sorry at all, but rather amused.

"Can I get you boys started off with something to drink?" she asked, whipping out her notebook from her back jean pocket. She grabbed a pen from behind her ear and tapped it impatiently against the table. Steve hardly thought it was necessary to write this down. He figured it should have been easy to remember two drinks, and looking around, it wasn't like she had other orders to take. Apparently, this was her being 'professional'.

"Pepsi for me," Bucky said.

"We only have coke." Bucky looked absolutely mortified.

"He'll have coke," Steve spoke up for him. Nessa looked at Steve skeptically before writing it down. Bucky only laughed.

"Of course," Bucky said, "coke is fine."

"Water is fine for me," Steve said.

Nessa left to get their drinks, her skirt swishing behind her.

"That's Vanessa, my cousin," Bucky said once she was gone. A look of understanding swept across Steve's face. "She looks like me, right? Most people mistake her for my sister. She looks more like my sister than my actual sister does."

Together Bucky and Steve looked at their menus and ordered a plethora of different rolls to try. Steve tried not to look at the prices which appeared to pop out of the page, positioning themselves right in his field of vision. He tried to remind himself that this wasn't even Bucky's money, but his mothers, which actually only made him feel worse.

"We can't eat all of that," Steve said after Nessa left with their order. 

"We'll have leftovers, that's okay."

The two settled into a comfortable silence. Bucky was working up enough nerve to tell Steve what was on his mind. Steve was happy to just sit and enjoy his friend's presence for the time being.

"Steve," Bucky finally said. "I had better tell you this before the food gets here."

"Okay," was all Steve said.

"You see, the thing is. . ." he hesitated. "You know how I have family in Russia?" Steve nodded, not exactly catching on to why this was so troubling for his friend. "Well, apparently my uncle can get my dad a pretty good paying job. Better than what he gets payed here. So. . .we're moving. To Russia, I mean."

Oh.

Steve felt his whole world fall apart.

Bucky was moving? Moving, not just to the town over, but to another country? Across the world? Steve's mind didn't seem able to process this information. He was addled, and refused to believe what his friend was telling him.

"Stevie. . .please say something," Bucky pleaded.

Steve chuckled humourlessly. "This is a joke right? Buck, it's not April fools, you shouldn't joke about something so serious. I couldn't imagine if. . . ," he trailed off.

In Bucky's eyes there was pain. "This isn't a joke. I really am moving. I don't want to, believe me. How will I protect my Stevie from the bullies?"

Steve didn't know what to say. What would he do without Bucky, his best friend? His only friend?

"We can still keep in contact," Bucky said after the uncomfortable silence. "Through email. That's what my mom suggested. We won't be able to call because of long distance charges. And I might even come visit Brooklyn every so often."

Still, Steve couldn't imagine what it would be like not having Bucky by his side at all times.

"When are you leaving?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"The middle of July."

About a month away. It was so soon. Steve would make sure to spend as much time as possible with his friend before his departure.

"It'll be okay," Bucky said. He reached under the table to put a comforting hand on top of Steve's knee. Steve immediately put his own hand on top Bucky's, interlocking their fingers.

"I know." Steve gave him a pained smile.

Steve thought they would stay in contact forever, but he was so wrong.