this is like SAD sad because I had a bad night listening to sad music and my brain produced this so be ready for this legit random au that makes no sense :)

"What's wrong?" The dark haired girl asked as she looked at her friend carefully.

Thomas could barely breathe, his chest was tight and his mouth was dry. "I-I uh-."

"Woah, Tom are you okay?" the girl asked as she gently grabbed his arm.

Thomas flinched hard at the touch, like he'd been hit. "I-I-" his voice shook as he stumbled back a little.

"Tom you're freaking me out."

A strangled sound released from his throat as he gripped the edge of the wooden desk. "Turn it off- please, please-"

"Okay, okay," Teresa said quickly as she scrambled for the remote and clicked off the small TV. "Off, okay see? It's off."

Thomas slid down to the ground, feeling the burning sensation behind his eyelids. "I knew him," he said in a shaky voice.

"Like personally?" Teresa asked, disbelief dripping from her voice.

Thomas nodded, choking back a sob. "I loved him."

"You're bloody slow!" The blonde boy laughed as he stopped, he put his hands on his knees and panted slightly.

"No, you just weigh about a hundred pounds less than me!" Thomas huffed out as he skidded to a stop. He breathed just as heavily.

The boy stood up, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning. "That has nothing to do with it."

"It has everything to do with it!" Thomas exclaimed.

"Or, you're just mad that you lost so you're making up shitty excuses."

Thomas felt himself smiling as he reached out and hooked his arm around the boy's waist. "You know you're kinda a little shit."

The smile the blonde gave him made his chest tight. "But you like me that way."

"That I do," Thomas said softly as he leaned closer to him.

"Who said you could kiss me?" the boy asked softly.

"Who said I was trying to kiss you?"

The blonde boy kissed him first and his lips were soft like they always were. He smiled against his lips as he felt the smaller boy fist the front of his shirt to pull him closer.

Yeah Thomas may have been sixteen, but he was so fucking in love.

"Minho?" Thomas spoke softly into the receiver.

"Thomas? Woah, no way, is that actually you?"

"Yeah," Thomas breathed out as he felt Teresa's hand on his back. He was wrapped in a blanket on her couch, his knuckles turning white around the phone he was clutching.

"You're calling me, that means it's something bad right?"

"You could say that."

There was a silent pause on the other end of the line.

"Thomas. Is this what I think this is about?"

"Yeah."

"I saw it this morning...I wasn't sure if you-"

"I saw it."

Another pause before Minho spoke again. "Do you need me?"

"Do you need me?"

"Listen Thomas, I would have called you sooner but I didn't know if you-"

"Yes," Thomas' voice cracked as tears pricked at his eyes again. "Yes Minho please, I need you."

"Text me where you are, I'll be there in ten."

"You're gonna fall idiot," Thomas said as he gently grabbed the boy's hand.

"This is just an excuse to hold my hand, you know I have great balance."

Thomas snorted a laugh at that as he walked next to the boy perches on the train tracks. "I do like holding your hand."

"Yeah yeah, you're whipped for me, we get it."

"Whipped? Don't flatter yourself."

That earned Thomas an eye roll.

"I like places like this," the boy said softly as he tightened his grip on Thomas' hand.

"Train tracks?"

"No...I mean places where there isn't a lot of anything...where it's just us."

Thomas smiled as he pulled gently so the boy stumbled off the tracks and into his chest. "See? You do love me."

Thomas was expecting an eye roll or a sarcastic comment but all he got was a soft smile.

"Of course I love you."

Thomas felt his breath hitch at that. "That's the first time you've told me you love me."

"I thought you just knew."

"You're hard to read at times."

The boy settled his hands on his hips. "I think the better response is, 'awe babe I love you too'."

Thomas smiled. "You hate being called babe."

"It's more of the last part that I'm looking for."

"I do," Thomas said softly as he cupped the boy's face in his hands. "I love you too."

Thomas may have been in Minho's arms for hours, he lost track. Teresa fell asleep, letting them sit in silence on her couch.Thomas could tell she was beyond confused, but he wasn't in the state to explain it.

"He was your best friend," Thomas whispered softly as he wiped his eyes.

"And he was the love of your life." Minho looked at him sternly. "Stop pretending that this means nothing to you, I don't care what happened between you two, you loved him, you still love him. It's okay to be upset, it's okay if this hurts." Minho squeezed him arm gently. "You don't have to pretend around me."

Thomas' bottom lip quivered before he broke down in loud shaking sobs. "It was my fault Minho. My fault."

"Stop that!" Minho snapped as his voice wavered. "It wasn't your fault Thomas."

"Yes it was!" Thomas was screaming at that point, Teresa was probably going to wake up from the sheer volume of his voice. "I-I would never have hurt him, I-I-"

"Thomas," Minho said again as he squeezed his arm harder. "It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was," Thomas replied, his voice soft this time. "Because if I wouldn't have broken up with him, he would still be alive."

"What about college?" the boy asked as he played with Thomas' hands.

"What about it?"

"How will we be in college."

"Together. In love. Having lots of dorm sex."

That earned a smack from the boy. "I'm serious."

"We'll make it work." Thomas smiled down at him. "We always do. It's us."

"It's been two years."

"Two years and three months to be more specific."

"That's a long time to date someone."

"Forever isn't a long enough time to spend with you," Thomas said softly as he gently interlocked their fingers.

"Well aren't you cheesy."

"Not cheesy, just stupidly in love."

"You're crazy."

"Crazy about you."

"Stop." The boy laughed lightly as he leaned up and pressed a kiss to Thomas' lips.

"You don't understand how far gone I am for you," Thomas admitted softly as he ran his fingers through his boy's soft golden hair.

"Why do you act like you care about me way more than I care about you?"

Thomas shrugged.

The boy frowned slightly. "Tommy, I'm obsessed with you. All because I don't say it as much as you do, doesn't mean I don't care."

"Okay." Thomas breathed out.

"Wanna watch a shitty movie and makeout or do I need to reassure you how much I love you some more?"

Thomas smiled and stood up, picking up the blonde boy which made him gasp in surprise.

As Thomas dropped him on the couch and connected their lips, he'd never felt more right because in a world where barely anything was sensible having that boy with him made undoubtedly perfect sense.

"Are you going to tell me what happened or just keep me in the dark while you sob on my couch and eat all my ice cream?" Teresa asked gently as she leaned on the door frame.

"I don't know if I want to tell you," Thomas said softly as he wiped his eyes. "I-I don't know if you should know."

"Come on Tom, we're best friends, we work together, you've spent the last week at my house. What the fuck is the deal with that guy we saw on the news at work?"

"He was the love of my life," Thomas said softly. "And I killed him."

"I doubt you killed him." Teresa moved to sit on the couch next to him. "I watched the news report again, it said he was murdered, you didn't murder him."

"Yeah I didn't directly, but the whole thing, it was my fault."

"Can I ask why you broke up if you loved him so much?"

"It was years ago I-I-" Thomas took a shaky breath and gripped his blanket tighter. "We moved in together, we were dating for five years, five fucking years and we were in bed and I was holding him and he started crying and he-he said he wasn't happy and he hasn't been for a while and we tried and tried and tried everything. I took him out to his favorite places, I helped him get into art, we redid our apartment, I got him to go to therapy, I tried everything Teresa but it wasn't working. He started pulling away, he barely left the room and it drained me. He made me sleep on the couch, I mean we went months without kissing and everytime I would think about leaving he'd invite me back into the room, hold onto me and beg 'please don't leave Tommy I need you' and of course I would stay because I loved him. We were okay for a while, it was like we had to learn to live with this and we did until one day it turned to anger and he'd lash out. He'd scream horrible things at me, telling me he never loved me. It tore me apart T. One day I couldn't take it anymore, I packed my stuff when he was at work, walked out and never spoke to him again."

Teresa reached over and squeezed his knee. "Well what's wrong with breaking off a relationship that didn't work?"

"Because after that he got worse. He started going out late, meeting these guys who would treat him like shit and he may have been sick but he didn't deserve any of it. Then one day, he met Alby and he and Alby started dating. I went out to a bar, still getting over him and I saw him and Alby there. When he saw me his eyes got dark and he frowned hard, I'll never forget it. I waited until he went into the bathroom and I followed him in-"

"Get the fuck out!" the boy snapped as he frowned hard. "Thomas get the fuck away from me."

"Newt," Thomas spoke, the name feeling almost foreign in his mouth. "Newt please-"

"What do you want!" Newt screamed, his eyes darkening again. "You left Tommy, you left without a fuckign word. I waited for you for day after day which turned to week after week until Minho finally fucking told me you weren't coming back."

"Newt please I can-" Thomas stopped as Newt flinched. "What the fuck? You think I'd hit you?"

Then two and two fell together.

Thomas grabbed his wrist and pushed up his sleeve. "He did this to you?"

"It's none of your fucking business," Newt snapped as he yanked his arm away. "I hate you- I hate you so much." Newt was punched his chest before roughly shoving Thomas against the wall and roughly pushing their lips together.

Thomas kissed him back with everything he had, it was honestly muscle memory at this point.

"I love you," Thomas muttered against his lips.

"Stop," Newt sobbed as he rested their foreheads together. "Please stop."

"Okay, okay," Thomas whispered as he held the boy close to him. He wanted to protect him from the rest of the world. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry-"

Newt sobbed into him, wrapping his arms tightly around him. "I hate you so much."

Thomas gently ran his fingers along his back. "How much does he hurt you?" He asked in barely a whisper.

Newt didn't respond, he just clutched onto Thomas tighter, fisting his hands in the back of his shirt.

"I can take you home," Thomas whispered. "We can call the police Newt I-"

"I said stop!" Newt snapped as he pushed away from him and wiped his face. "I'm not yours anymore Tommy! I'm not yours to worry about!"

Thomas felt tears prick at his own eyes. They were having the fight they should have had months ago.

"It wasn't like that Newt you know it wasn't!"

"Five years Tommy," Newt said softly as he wiped the tears from his face. "Five years I loved you and five years you loved me, but those five years are over and so are we so do me a favor and please stay the fuck out of my life so I can get over you."

"Okay," Thomas whispered. "If you lift up your shirt I'll walk out of his bathroom and never even dream of contacting you again."

Newt's eyes flicked with confusion but after a second he grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it up confirming every one of Thomas' suspicions.

Not being able to help himself, Thomas leaned forward and ran his fingers gently across the bruises. Newt let out a breath but watched Thomas touch him carefully.

"Is this what you want?" Thomas asked softly as he took the shirt from Newt and carefully pulled it back down.

Newt refused to meet his gaze but muttered out a short "yes."

Thomas pressed a kiss to his forehead before walking out of the bathroom with the intent of never seeing Newt again.

Minho held his hand as they walked into the funeral home.

"At least Alby got jail time," Thomas said as he stared at the crowd of people dressed in black.

"A lot of jail time," Minho huffed as he squeezed his friend's hand. "This fuckin blows."

"Thomas?"

Thomas turned around, feeling his blood run cold as he saw Newt's mother standing there.

"I-uh-"

The lady pulled him into a hug which made Thomas' eye's water.

"I know what you're going to say," she said softly as she pulled away. "It's not your fault."

"It was." Thomas' voice cracked as he blinked hard to stop the tears from coming.

"Sweetheart," his mom said softly as she cupped his face. "You loved him more than anyone else could have. You're here, it proves that you still love him."

"Of course I still love him...it's Newt."

His mom patted his cheek and let out a sad sigh. "I sure wish it was you he would have married."

"I'm sorry-"

"Stop apologizing. No one could have prevented this."

"I could have called the police I knew he was hitting Newt and-"

"Thomas. We called the police several times, they did nothing. Newt didn't want help. No one knew Alby would go insane like that. No one knew he was going to murder my son." Newt's mom let out a small sob before squeezing Minho's arm. "How are you dear?"

"As good as I can be." Minho smiled weakly at her.

"If you boys would excuse me." The woman took a tissue from her purse, wiping her eyes as she walked away.

"Wanna go see him? Get it over with?" Minho asked as he stared at the casket.

"Sure," Thomas said softly, taking Minho's hand again.

As they approached the casket Thomas felt his breath hitch because sure enough it was him. It was almost as if he was expecting a stranger to be laying there instead.

Thomas felt the tears well up in his eyes as he remembered falling in love with him, the first time they kissed and when he met Newt's family for the first time.

He let the tears fall down his face, for once that day not in sadness, but in happiness because for a second in Thomas' mind he and Newt were sixteen again and they were so fucking in love.