Pairing: Edward Elric / Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist)

Notes: 2003 anime, NOT BROTHERHOOD / Conquerer of Shamballa FIX IT AU |

Summary: He only ever remembers sometimes. The little differences will cause him to remember that he's just been pretending they've been the same person the whole time.

OR

in which Edward returns home after three years.

-

He only ever remembers sometimes. The little differences will cause him to remember that he's just been pretending they've been the same person the whole time.

Like when the man lights up a cigarette, which is something he'd probably never do if it'd really been him. He takes a long drag and Edward watches him exhale a perfect ring of smoke into the somewhat dusty air. He's still stunned about how much they look alike, even now.

This world's Roy looks out of the open window, watches the people go by down below. It's getting later, with the sun having just set, leaving behind ribbons of light as the stars come out to greet them.

When Roy puts out his cigarette, he looks at Ed, a small smile on his face as he unwraps a candy and puts it in his mouth. Ed watches him come closer with that familiar smirk of his. At least that's the same.

It's almost easy to forget that he's not the same Roy Mustang Ed knows- well, knew (there's no way Ed would be able to go back without the use of alchemy, which, of course, doesn't work here). He's got the same face with the same expressions, the same voice and the same body, the same damn eyes which always have Ed's attention. Their personalities are somewhat similar in some ways, yet their actions and choices and other things perhaps not as much.

Ed doesn't even know his last name though. Perhaps that's why it's so easy to pretend that this man is Roy Mustang and not someone else.

Their lips connect all too suddenly, and Ed loses himself in him, the taste of artifical strawberry candy and cigarettes and something else. He pulls the band out of his hair, letting it fall naturally wherever it may as Roy undoes the buttons on his vest. He can tell it's raining now- the sound is loud since the window hasn't been closed.

This... this isn't something Roy would do either. Roy wouldn't kiss him. Roy wouldn't undress him like this, wouldn't be so intimate with him. Not ever.

When their lips part for breath, Ed almost whispers a "Colonel" or a "General", but stops himself short before he makes that mistake (but honestly, it's not like the man would hear him anyway with how loud the rain now is). This isn't really Roy, he forces himself to remember. This Roy is a stranger; some silhouette- honestly unrecognizable if not for the face.

And when his fingers touch Ed's bare chest, he pretends that it isn't the case again, pretends this is his Roy once more. And it works quite well, at least, for a while. Roy helps him take off the prosthetic limbs that the man swears will just get in the way. Ed supposes he doesn't mind much, even though his stumps are now aching from the rain.

(Wasn't the sky just clear though? Ed wonders if magically his emotions could be connected to the weather or if it's just a coincidence. The truth wins and a coincidence it is.)

Edward misses home more than anything, misses the real Al and the real Roy and Winry and everyone else. He misses being fifteen and getting into trouble, misses the long train rides from Central to Resembool, misses his old house with his father's books and his mother and misses being a kid, and getting into fights with Al he'd always lose. He misses going on missions and writing boring reports, the lectures... He misses the long journey he and Al went on together looking for the damned stone that got Ed into this mess.

And Edward doesn't even know if his sacrifice worked, if Al is really okay on the other side- because he's still alive after all, which either means it didn't really work, or Dante was right but to the opposite extreme- equivalent exchange is a lie and Ed and Al both got something for nothing.

He hopes that Al made it, real body and everything, because Ed's got no way of knowing and hope is really all he has left in the end.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Roy questions, drawing him away from his thoughts and back to reality. He didn't even know he's been crying, hasn't been completely aware of what's been going on the past few minutes. When did he become completely undressed? "Are you okay? Do you want to stop?"

Edward shakes his head- he needs the distraction if he's completely honest. His left hand is shaking when he reaches up to bring Roy closer, to kiss him and to not let himself have the time to think about anything else, and Roy holds onto his left thigh to keep it up and in the spot he needs it to be since Ed has a hard time keeping it up alone.

It's long nights with Roy, like these, that make Ed's heart ache the most. When the sun is out, Ed often daydreams about going home when he knows it's pretty much next to impossible, and that realization hurts, but even when night falls, he's still forcing himself to pretend that this person, the one kissing and touching him like no one ever has, is the same person he really loves, and that hurts worse because he knows the truth. Even if he seems to forget most of the time.

He never completely forgets, of course.

Roy breaks apart their lips to speak, "Edward?" He whispers, and Ed hums in response, pressing his lips to Roy's shoulder to hide his face. "You seem... off. What's the matter?"

"Nothing," Edward answers too quickly, pulling back to see Roy's knitted eyebrows and frown, so he quickly comes up with an excuse- "Stumps ache, is all." He presses a hand to his chest, near his right shoulder. It's not a lie but it isn't exactly what's wrong.

"Are they bothering you? Do they hurt that much?" Roy sounded genuinely concerned, and that's one thing Ed really does love about this world's Roy.

Well, he never really got to know Roy Mustang very personally, but he hopes the real Roy has a side like this too- gentle, caring, hopes that man is not always arrogant or smug sounding all the time.

Ed shrugs with a little sigh, and Roy massages both his shoulder and thigh for him, easing it just a little and Edward finds himself in another daydream, wishing that this Roy was the real Roy.

He hopes he'll get to find out for himself one day.

-

Thanks to his father and Alfons (and Envy), Edward is able to leave this world and travel through the gate back to his own, but he has to leave his father behind.

"I wanted to remain here anyway," he assures Ed, smiling a little. "Here, I can live out the rest of my life in this body. The one your mother loved. The one you boys recognize as your father. And after you go, I'll destroy the gate."

Hohenheim hugs him goodbye, and then Ed turns to a coughing Alfons. "Thank you for helping me get back to my own world, for helping me out while I was here," he tells him, and Alfons grasps his shoulder.

"I won't live much longer, but as long as you are alive, there will be someone out there in some world who will remember me and everything I achieved, everything I lived for in my world. Thank you, Ed, for helping me get closer to my dream."

With a hug, he turns to Roy. "Thank you for making my time here better. I'm sorry I have to go and leave you behind, but this is what I want. I have a chance to go back home to everyone I know and love, and I'm going to take it."

"I understand. I guess this is goodbye, Ed. I'll miss you."

Edward smiles. He's finally going home after three years.

-

When he wakes up, he's in the underground city beneath Central. There's smoke everywhere from the destroyed rocket Alfons gave him, and he coughs, putting a hand on his head.

"Landing needs some work still," he chuckles to himself. He tries to get up but the prosthetic leg is broken to hell and back and he just ends up falling down.

The arm isn't too beaten up, so he looks around for some material. He ends up finding a piece of wood from one of the broken houses and crawls the best he can over to it, clapping his hands to turn it into a crutch.

He turns the broken leg into a second one, and uses both of the crutches to stand and (extremely slowly) make his way out of this place.

It looks to him as though a fight had taken place here, judging by how destroyed this place is and all of the blood, yet there's no one to be found-

"Brother?!" His head snaps into the direction of Al's voice and suddenly, he's being hugged. "Brother! It's really you! I knew you were alive!"

"Al?"

"I lost my memories of the years we spent together when you somehow brought me back, and for the past three years I remembered nothing after we tried to bring Mom back... that had been the last time I'd remembered seeing you but I just knew that you were alive-"

"-If you lost your memories then how did you find this place?"

Al pulls away, grinning. "Easy. Wrath showed me the way!"

"Wrath did?"

"Yeah, but... I had to transmute him to open the gate... Although when I did, my memories had all returned! I remember everything now! You died here- Envy killed you and I saved you with the Philosopher's Stone, only for you to turn around and save me and disappear for three years!"

"I was beyond the gate, on the other side in another world where alchemy doesn't work like it does here. Dad finally found a way to send me back, and apparently, you and Wrath figured out how to open the gate too."

"Another world?" Al questions, looking over at the gate. Ed nods, looking down at the ground, and then Al really notices. "Brother, your leg-"

"I lost the arm and leg that you returned to me when I saved you, and I don't regret it. I'll have Winry fix me up later, but for now, let's destroy this gate and get out of here."

-

Everyone is quite shocked to see the eighteen year old back, and are surprised that Al's memories returned. Winry is apparently already in Central and she gets to work on making new limbs for Ed, so in the meantime, Al happily pushes him around in a wheelchair.

Nobody has really changed too much (Major Armstrong is definitely still the same anyway), and pretty much everyone is still around, including Rose. Ed's saddened to hear that Izumi died though, but he can't say he's exactly surprised considering the shape she'd been in last he saw her.

He's a bit surprised to see Roy though. Especially because of the eyepatch and the slightly lopsided looking haircut, but overall he seems to be the same as before.

"I always knew you were alive, Fullmetal," is the first thing he says when he comes to Ed's room, later when it's dark and raining, and Al waves at him.

"General," Ed greets with a smile, and he doesn't try to hide how happy he sounds to see him.

"It seems you've gotten yourself into some trouble," Roy utters, gesturing to Ed's missing limbs. "No matter where you are, trouble seems to follow you like a magnet, doesn't it, Fullmetal? Makes sense, I suppose."

Ed rolls his eyes. Dumb Roy with his dumb magnet and metal puns. "Nice eyepatch," Edward comments then, "Should've covered your mouth though."

"Brother-!"

"Still as smart-mouthed as ever, I see. I'm glad you haven't changed too much. It's about time you came home- three years is a long time."

Edward smiles. "Yeah, you're not kidding."

Al stands up then to go get him and Ed something to eat. At least, that's why he says he's leaving, but Ed knows he's just leaving so he and Roy can catch up a little.

"So," Ed begins as Roy sits down in the chair beside his bed, "What happened to your eye?"

"Archer," Roy replies, shrugging. "And your limbs? What happened to those?"

"Lost the automail ones when Al restored my flesh limbs, but then lost those too, when I saved him and went to that other world."

"I see." It seems Al filled him in on what Ed already told him about the other world.

It's quiet for a while, and Ed doesn't really know what to say. He sighs out, rubbing at his aching shoulder and then his leg after, frowning. He remembers that one night, when the other Roy helped soothe the pain, and his face heats up.

"Do they hurt?" Roy suddenly asks, and Ed looks up at him, blinks and then he nods.

"Yeah. They get really achy when it rains, or whenever the weather suddenly changes actually."

"Here," Roy murmurs, rubbing Ed's shoulder for him so he could rub his leg at the same time.

"Thanks," Ed says, and then he goes quiet for a moment before he chuckles a little. "You know, there is another version of you in that other world."

"Is there?" Roy's fingers keep working on his shoulder, and Ed nods.

"Yeah, but he's different than you in some ways. He smokes, eats candy and isn't in the military. He has both eyes still, too. And he isn't usually a bastard."

Roy gives a soft laugh at that. "So he's better than me is what you're trying to tell me."

But Edward shakes his head, cheeks pink as he stares down at the foot of the bed. "No, actually. I didn't like him quite that much."

Roy looks at him, a small smile on his lips. "Really?" He asks, amused. "Now, why is that?"

Ed rolls his eyes. "No matter how hard I tried to pretend, he just could never be the same bastard that I..."

"That you...?" Roy presses with that same amused smile, and Ed gives him a glare, face turning a dark shade of red.

"Oh, you just shut up," he says, eyes narrowed as he pouts a little. Jerk.

"It's okay to admit that you look up to me," Roy tells him, chuckling, and Ed looks at him a little perplexedly. That isn't what he was going to admit at all.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He asks with his own laugh, and now it's Roy's turn to be confused. "That wasn't what I was going to say."

"Then what...?"

Ed only smiles, and they're both quiet for a little bit, listening to the sound of the rain.

"I always tried so hard to stop dreaming about coming back home when I thought it was impossible. But now I'm back, and I'm glad I never stopped. I couldn't. I needed to come back, to see the real Al and see if he was okay, to see all my friends again. To see the real you and remind myself that he could never measure up to you, he could never be you. Perhaps I wouldn't have felt as sad if he really had been."

Roy looks at him, staying quiet for now. Ed meets his eyes and smiles again, a little sadly. "I really wanted him to be."

And before he loses the moment, he gently presses their lips together, left hand coming up to grab ahold of Roy's military jacket, pulling him closer and keeping him in place.

The older of the two doesn't kiss back immediately, but he does still, slowly at first, unsure of himself. His fingers run through Ed's long hair as he relaxes a bit more, and Ed only barely pulls away to speak.

"...Waited three years," he manages to get out in a whisper between soft breaths and kisses, sliding his hand up to Roy's shoulder, "Never imagined... could be like this..."

"Edward..."

"Please hold me," Ed finally says, breaking the kiss for good, "I need to remind myself that I'm here- I'm home, and you're real."

Roy touches his cheek. "I'm glad you're home," he utters, running a hand through the blond hair soothingly, almost affectionately. He scoots his chair forward and pulls Edward's smaller body into his, wrapping his arms around him. "We all are."

"I'm glad to be back," Ed murmurs into his chest, and when Roy connects their lips once more, Ed decides that the taste of cinnamon suits Roy much better than that of strawberry.

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