trigger warning for themes of depression & suicide. it ends happy, promise :)

the ocean breeze is cold as it whips around tyler. he shivers, pulling his legs into his chest a bit tighter. he has pants and a sweatshirt on, but he's using his coat to sit on the ground so sand doesn't stick to his clothes. his sandals are full of it, coating his feet, and he can't figure out if it's damp or just cold.

headphones are placed snug over his ears, a melancholic melody spilling into his soul. it's dark, nearly two in the morning to be exact. the only light spilling onto the beach is merely a dim glow from nearby houses. the ocean waves are barely audible over the music roaring in his ears. they're also just barely visible, only distinguishable from the white foam that forms as they crash in on themselves. much like what tyler is doing at the moment.

he had been trying to sleep for over two hours. the rest of his family shut themselves in their rooms long ago, exhausted from having spent the day in the sun.

tyler is tired too, but in a very different way. he's tired from just existing, much like any other day. you'd think that would make it easy for him to fall asleep, but no. somehow, it's the opposite. somehow, when he lays in bed at night, his brain gives him a million reasons to stay awake.

he had an objectively good day today—spending it in the sunshine with his loving family—but he still couldn't shake the nagging, dark thoughts whispering from the deep crevices of his brain. the entire day was spent trying to ignore the waging war inside his head and putting on a smile to joke with his siblings. when he was finally alone and his head hit the pillow, the whispering voice demanded his attention.

things will never get better.

i can't do anything right.

i'm worthless.

i'll never be happy.

nobody understands.

the world would be better without me in it.

he felt guilty for even having those thoughts. what was wrong with him? nothing bad even happened today. he ruins everything.

he needed to go for a walk or get some fresh air before he drove himself crazy, which puts him in his current position. a strong gust of frigid air pulls him from his thoughts, goosebumps spreading over his clothed skin. his hands are cold as ice, gripping his legs tightly.

the music helps to drown out his thoughts for a bit, but not entirely. peace never lasts long for him. the beach is completely empty. as far as he can see, there's not another single soul out there suffering like he currently is.

looking out at the sea, it's impossible to distinguish between the night sky and the dark water. instead, tyler just sees a dark black vastness. he imagines himself floating out there, into the emptiness, his darkness melding with the night that surrounds him.

he imagines the imperceptible skyline as a hole and can even feel himself start to fall into it. his heart starts racing at the thought, so he quickly grounds himself by diverting his attention back to the sand. he'd rather not have a panic attack right now.

not like there'd be anybody around to witness it. in fact, there's nobody around to witness anything right now. nobody would notice if tyler got mugged or murdered right now. he could probably scream and nobody would even come running.

nobody would see if he just happened to walk into the ocean and let the waves pull him into the black abyss.

he's alone. just like he always is.

maybe his family would never even find out what happened. they would think he got trafficked, probably. they'd have no reason to think otherwise. they'd never know the truth. if tyler's going to do it, this is the way.

he'll let the darkness take him home.

his heart rate picks up again at the thought. this is it. he's going to do it finally. if god or whatever force out there wants to stop him, they better give him a sign now.

tyler gave up on god a long time ago. the god he learned about when he was young would never put anybody through as much suffering as tyler. he tries to believe in something, but the something he talks to in his head never answers. if there is any force like that out there, even they abandoned tyler.

he is truly alone. he's going to do it now.

but he feels frozen in place. not just because he's literally freezing, but for some other inexplicable reason. glancing over both his shoulders, he spots a shadowy figure making its way over the dunes and towards the beach.

fuck.

tyler feels a bit of anger bubbling in his chest. who the fuck does this dude think he is? this is tyler's moment and he's ruining it. he watches with furrowed brows as the figure starts down the sand in his direction. great, this totally messes up everything.

with a sigh, he lowers his head to rest his chin on his knees. he closes his eyes, not daring to look the ocean in the face right now. he hopes the guy will walk right past him and not pay him any attention. best case scenario, he won't even notice tyler is there.

tyler can't believe the poor timing of the whole situation. he was really about walk into the water and succumb to the darkness, but somebody had to ruin his plans.

his eyes shoot open.

somebody came to ruin his plans.

he's not alone.

he lifts his head up to look for the figure, only to find him standing right beside him. it catches him completely off guard. he lets out a loud gasp as he clutches at his chest, feeling like his heart literally stopped for a moment.

the guy can't be much older than tyler. he points at his ears, signaling for tyler to remove his headphones.

he hesitates for a moment, letting out a deep sigh before slowly removing his headphones. the sound of waves crashing penetrates him, cutting deep into his soul. he waits for the guy to speak first.

"mind if i sit?"

his voice is smooth like velvet. the sound caresses tyler's senses in a much more gentle way than the roaring ocean.

"why?" tyler frowns at him.

the guy shrugs. "i don't know. i figured you could use some company just as much as i do."

tyler can't argue with that. "okay."

he takes his own jacket off and places it carefully on the sand beside tyler's, sitting a bit closer than he expects. he doesn't say anything about it, though. he's too amazed over the fact that something listened to him.

"what's your name?"

"tyler."

"i'm josh."

"josh," tyler repeats, testing out the name.

"yep."

they fall silent again. tyler feels awkward. he quickly continues the conversation.

"i thought everybody would be asleep."

"me too," josh admits. "guess we were both wrong."

"guess so."

"couldn't sleep?"

"something like that," tyler mumbles.

"yeah," josh chuckles half-heartedly. "i get it."

tyler doesn't respond to that because really? does he really get it? does he really get that tyler was about to finally do it? he doubts that.

they're quiet for a few moments before josh speaks again. "there's something poetic about it, don't you think?"

"huh?" tyler turns to him, confused.

josh meets his gaze and he feels his stomach do a weird flip. his eyes are dark like the ocean he was about to surrender himself to, but in a much more beautiful way. josh's eyes are rich like dark chocolate, full of comfort like the dark bedsheets tyler owned when he was a kid.

"nighttime. the ocean. the... i don't know," josh interrupts himself, sighing.

tyler likes to watch the way his mouth moves when he speaks.

"it's not poetic," he disagrees. "it's just depressing. lonely."

"things poets write about," josh points out. tyler's lips twitch at that.

"i guess. doesn't feel poetic, though. feels pretty shitty."

"let's go somewhere not depressing and lonely then," josh suggests.

tyler scoffs. "it's late. where would we even go? everything's depressing and lonely at night."

"anywhere else other than here," josh says. he scoots closer to tyler, their arms touching. "it's freezing."

tyler finds himself leaning back against him. he can't tear his eyes from the ocean, unable to shake the heaviness from his heart. does this guy even know he just saved his life? and why does he feel compelled to tell him?

"come on," josh says, standing. he picks his jacket up and extends a hand to tyler. "let's just go to my house."

"your house?" tyler frowns. he takes josh's hand, shocked by its warmth against his own cold skin, and allows himself to be pulled to his feet. he quickly shakes the sand from his jacket and pulls it on, stuffing his hands in its pockets.

"yeah. my room's on the other side of the house from my parents so don't worry about it. i just don't want to be out here anymore. there's no reason."

"why did you even come out here in the first place?" tyler can't help but ask, following him through the cool sand.

"i don't know," josh admits. "i guess i thought it would help me clear my mind. i think it actually would've just made me feel worse if you hadn't been out here. i don't know. felt like a sign, i guess."

tyler glances at him, noticing the way the faint moonlight rests delicately upon his face. this guy is so strangely beautiful. he doesn't know how to respond without sounding like a freak, so he just keeps his mouth shut.

"what about you?" josh asks, "why was tyler even out here in the first place?"

"same reason, i guess." it's not a total lie. he did just want to clear his mind at first.

"ah," josh grins, and tyler swears it actually lights up the beach a bit more. "so i was your sign too, then."

"i think you might have saved my life," he says, suddenly, regretting the words the instant they've left his lips.

he can't take them back now. they stop josh in his tracks. he turns to face tyler, his words hanging in the frigid air between them.

"what do you mean?" josh asks slowly, carefully.

tyler forces a laugh. "nothing, i don't know. i don't know why i said that."

josh is silent, searching tyler's eyes for something the latter is unsure of. he suddenly pulls tyler in for a hug, arms wrapping tightly around his frame. warmth envelopes him, comforting him far beyond any solace he may have found in those taunting waves. tyler doesn't hesitate to hug back, burying his rose-tinted face in josh's chest.

he's not alone.

he hasn't been alone this whole time. something has always been there. the thought rattles him to the bone, tears burning behind his eyelids and threatening to spill. he quickly blinks them away, inhaling the fresh scent emanating from josh's clothing. they stay like that for a while—holding each other amidst the sound of the surging sea—until josh finally breaks away.

"come on," he says softly, holding out his hand.

tyler easily slips his hand into josh's, the latter interlocking their fingers as he once again starts leading tyler up the beach to his house. tyler can't help but note the way their hands fit together perfectly.

they have to stay silent when josh slides open the backdoor, carefully tiptoeing through the darkness until they get to his room. josh flicks on the lights and tyler quickly takes in his surroundings. they gently shut and lock the door behind them.

"i like your room," tyler comments.

josh smiles, sitting on his bed. he pats the spot next to him, so tyler cautiously joins him.

"i might have sand on me," he says.

"this whole house is covered in sand," josh chuckles. "it's fine."

tyler nods, looking anywhere but josh. he's too afraid after what he just admitted. he doesn't want it to be a whole thing.

"should i put on a show?" josh offers, grabbing the remote from his bedside table.

"like what?"

"i don't know. do you like the office?"

"of course i do. who doesn't?"

"i'm sure there's some weirdos out there that don't," josh laughs.

the sound gives tyler butterflies. he finds himself smiling along.

josh puts on a random episode. he also turns on the lamp beside his bed before shutting off the overhead light. he lays back on the bed, his upper half raised from the few pillows beneath him.

"is it weird if i ask for you to come here?" he wonders aloud, holding his arms open.

tyler's cheeks undeniably grow a few shades darker. he shakes his head, timidly placing himself within josh's arms. his head rests on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat pounding against tyler's skull. the moment josh's arms wrap around him, he feels his eyelids grow heavy.

"i'm kinda tired," he voices, tearing his gaze from the show to look at josh.

god, he is so beautiful.

"that's okay. i don't mind if you sleep over," he smiles and then quickly adds, "i mean, as long as you want to."

"okay," tyler agrees.

"probably best for both of us, anyway. it's hard to sleep alone."

"yeah," tyler says, unable to fight the tiny grin that works its way onto his face.

it is hard to sleep alone. but he isn't alone anymore. not for right now, at least.

"i'm getting tired anyway, too."

after shutting off the lamp, the two get underneath josh's covers together—still wrapped up in each other. tyler shuts his eyes, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart. he can't explain the strange amount of comfort he feels in being with josh or why exactly he finds him so beautiful.

"i'm glad i found you, tyler," he whispers, placing a chaste kiss to the top of the boy's head. it makes his heart leap.

"me too," tyler responds, smiling to himself. and he actually means it.