Josh isn't quite sure why he's doing this.

Parties give him panic attacks, and drunk people scare the shit out of him. They're unpredictable, kind of like his dad after a night out at the bar.

Maybe Tyler Joseph has something to do with it.

Maybe Josh has had a crush on Tyler since third grade, and maybe he's hoping something will happen at this party tonight.

He wishes he would've brought Brendon, at least. Then he wouldn't feel so awkward standing alone in the corner of a room.

There's not nearly as many people as Josh had expected, calming his anxiety only slightly. The loud music, the bass rattling in his chest, the smell of alcohol, the drunk teenagers... It all makes Josh's throat close up.

He just wants to find Tyler.

With shaking hands, he finds the strength in him to leave the safety of the corner. His knees feel like they're going to collapse under him as he walks into the kitchen, and spots a certain brunette talking with a girl.

He looks ravishing, takes the breath right out of Josh's lungs. Even though all he's wearing is a black hoodie and black jeans, Josh's heart is beating as hard as the bass.

Tyler has a red solo cup in one hand, the other grabbing onto the girl's arm as he laughs. Josh swallows, watching Tyler's adams apple bob, watching the dimples that appear on his cheeks and crinkles that form around his eyes.

Breathtaking.

Josh doesn't realize he's staring until the girl whispers in Tyler's ear and they both look over at him. He must look creepy. God, he's such an idiot.

With a little gasp and trembling hands, Josh turns to the counter beside him and grabs himself a cup. Bottles of liquor are scattered everywhere, Josh just wants juice or something.

"Hey," he hears a soft voice from behind him, making him jump so hard he spills one of the cups on the counter.

"Fuck," he whispers, trying to steady his breathing before turning around to find himself face-to-face with Tyler Joseph. "Um, hi."

"You looked like you wanted to talk to me. Or was it Maddy you wanted?"

"Maddy?"

"My sister," Tyler says, pointing to the girl he was laughing with. She's already moved on, now having a conversation with a redhead.

"Oh," Josh gulps, subconsciously wiping his sweaty palms on his hips. "Um, no, I, Uh... Wanted to talk to you."

"We have English together, right?" Tyler asks, filling his cup up with tap water. Josh is relieved, but maybe this would be easier if Tyler were drunk...

"Yeah, and band," Josh says. Tyler writes the most beautiful poems for English, and he can play the piano perfectly in band. Josh always loves listening to him.

"Oh, right, you're the guy on the drums," Tyler smiles, knocking the wind out of Josh. Holy fuck, he's so beautiful. And holy fuck, Josh is talking to him right now.

"That's me," he says awkwardly, trying to match Tyler as he leans against the counter.

"You seem uncomfortable."

"I don't really like parties," Josh chuckles, pathetically.

"Why're you here, then?"

Josh doesn't fucking know. He's an idiot. Tyler hardly even knows who he is, and Josh can't hold a conversation. He should just go home.

"I don't know," he sighs. "I was just... I just was hoping that, I don't know, maybe my crush would be here and something would happen between us."

"Ooo," Tyler giggles, making Josh's stomach soar with butterflies. He sounds heavenly. How is he so perfect? "Who do you have a crush on?"

Josh can't do this. He feels like he's going to throw up, he can't tell Tyler. He can't do this.

He glances at the alcohol on the counter. It seems like his best option here, even though just the smell makes his head hurt. Maybe he just needs to stop being a pussy and drink already. His dad isn't here, he won't hurt him. Nothing bad will happen. Nobody will hurt anybody.

He takes a deep breath, pouring some liquor in his cup. "Let's get drunk and tell each other everything we're too afraid to say outloud."

God, what is he doing? He's an idiot. He needs to go home.

"Okay," Tyler agrees, with a smile. He dumps out his water and refills his cup with the same liquor. "Want to go dance?"

Josh can't dance, he's horrible at it. Although, dancing with Tyler sounds pretty good right about now...

They go dance, keeping their drinks in hand. It's nothing sexual, only fun. They're laughing their asses off at each other, Tyler is just as bad of a dancer as Josh is.

By the time Josh's drink is gone, his head is spinning. He finds himself leaning on Tyler, loving the boy's strawberry scent. Tyler looks even better now than he did before, if that's possible.

"Let's go outside," Tyler says in his ear, his words jumbling together. "Follow me."

The two walk outside hand-in-hand, and Josh doesn't feel the slightest bit afraid. Tyler's cold hand feels so good in his, the fresh air feels good in Josh's lungs. The air outside is cold, Josh can see his breath. Nobody else is outside.

They stumble over to the middle of the yard and lay on the dead grass. Tyler is shivering, even though he's wearing heavy clothes. Josh doesn't mind, especially when Tyler snuggles up to him.

"Talk to me."

"You're fucking beautiful," Josh blurts out, not feeling stupid afterwards. He isn't worried, all he cares about is getting everything off his chest. He needs Tyler to know how special he is.

"I am?" he asks quietly, soft eyes traveling from the stars to Josh. The latter meets his eyes, letting his hand rest on the brunette's cheek.

"You're so beautiful," Josh whispers. Although his vision is kind of fuzzy, Josh doesn't have to see him to know he still looks gorgeous. "Everything about you."

"What makes me beautiful?"

"Everything," Josh gushes, his lips curling into a lazy smile. "I love the way your voice sounds, your pretty eyes, your fluffy hair, your small hands, the things you create, your laugh, did I say your eyes? I can't remember, but I could go on forever."

Tyler is giggling, his face is buried in Josh's chest. He's still shivering, but not as bad. "Am I your crush?"

"Fuck, Tyler, you're my crush. You have been since third grade. But my brain fucks me up and I couldn't talk to you without panicking," Josh mumbles. He feels like an idiot again. Does Tyler think he's an idiot?

"I'm your crush?"

Josh chuckles, admiring the constellations above them even though they couldn't compare to Tyler. "You're asking so many questions."

"I just can't believe it. I never knew you were in love with me."

"I'm not in love with you!" Josh denies, hearing Tyler giggle.

"You're in love with me. But that's okay, I think I'm falling in love with you too."

Now, it's Josh's turn to laugh. "You don't even know me. Do you even know my name?"

"Yes, you're Josh. I don't have to know anything about you to fall in love with you," Tyler says, his voice sounding like melting butter on hot toast. Everything about him is so smooth, so soft. Josh loves him.

"Why would you love me?" Josh can't help but ask.

"Because nobody has taken the time to appreciate me in the way you have. Nobody ever compliments me on the things I create. You seem like the kind of guy I wouldn't mind sticking with."

Josh wonders if he's even still drunk, or at least tipsy, because his heart is thumping so heavy. He doesnt feel so relaxed anymore, but it's not fear that he's feeling. It's excitement.

"You mean that?"

"I mean it," the brunette nods, his hair tickling Josh's chin.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Yeah."

And just like that, it happens. Josh's lips are on Tyler's, and Tyler's hands are tangling in his purple hair. Tyler tastes of alcohol, and it would normally scare Josh. But Josh isn't scared, he feels safe.

His hands lower to Tyler's hips, bringing the boy to straddle his waist. This isn't Josh's first kiss, but he feels nervous when he slips his tongue past Tyler's lips. He doesn't want to mess this up.

Tyler pulls away first, resting his forehead on Josh's. They're both grinning like madmen, panting softly to try and catch their breath.

"I wish we would've gotten drunk together sooner," Tyler says, making Josh chuckle.

He wishes he wouldn't have been such a pussy for so long.

"Do you want to go somewhere for the night? My house? Your house?"

"Your house," Josh decides. He definitely does not want to go home. Not with the beautiful boy that should be protected from the world. Josh's dad would ruin that.

"What're we going to do at my house?"

"I don't know. Talk, kiss, cuddle..."

"You haven't asked me to be your boyfriend, yet," Tyler says, helping Josh to his feet.

"Will you be my boyfriend?" Josh smiles, taking Tyler's hand in his as they went back inside.

"Of course I'll be your boyfriend, we just made out on some random person's lawn."

They laugh together, Tyler's hand tightening around his. Tyler introduces Josh to Maddy as his boyfriend, she giggles and hugs him. They leave, deciding that walking would be smarter than driving.

"You guys are soooo cute," Maddy gushes, walking behind the boys holding hands. She's tipsy, and even though she's younger than both of them nobody cares. "Are you gonna tell mom?"

"Of course I'm gonna tell mom."

"What about dad?"

"Fuck dad."

Maddy laughs, Josh smiles. It feels good to know Josh isn't the only one that isn't close to his dad.

"What if he's home?" Maddy asks, putting her hands on either boy's shoulders.

"He won't be home, Madds. He hasn't been home in five years."

Tyler tightens his grip on Josh's hand, Josh squeezes back. He wishes his dad would fuck off and never come back, but maybe it wasn't that way for Tyler.

Maybe there's still a lot Josh has to learn about him.

But that's okay, Josh has plenty of time.