John knew he was screwed the minute Alexander called him. The only time his boyfriend ever called him was either whenever he was a) bored with his friends, that only happened twice or b) whenever he got lost trying to find wherever John was. He was helping one of his brothers move into his dorm at the fancy private school that he was attending whenever he got the call.

This story, however, starts many months before.

'I mean, I guess there could be worse people,' John had muttered as him and Alexander were partnered together for science labs.

Alex slinked over to his new seat next to Laurens, a smirk settled upon his face, "Hi," He said, sitting.

Ever since they had met in middle school, Alexander and John had had a rocky history. To make it short, they hated each other for most of that time.

However, John had been raised polite, and that was exactly what he intended to be, "Hi," He muttered back, refusing to let his gaze leave the paper in front of him.

They soon got used to each other, and John actually started to look forward to seeing Alexander each day. But he would never admit it.

John denied the crush he had developed on the brown haired boy until the day he got the first Snapchat.

Alexander Hamilton is typing...

Whenever those four words appeared on his screen, John almost died. Alexander had never made an effort to talk to him, especially not out of school. When he finally plucked up the courage to see what Hamilton had said, he realized how actually screwed he was.

"Hey," Was all the message said, but it was enough for John.

That's how it went for a month. John waited by his phone for Alex to message him back, and he felt nothing better than when he finally got a response. For the first time in a long time, it felt like somebody actually cared about John.

Every smile in class, every text, anything he got from Alexander made him feel important, loved almost.

And everything changed one day.

John had forced Lafayette to go to meet Alex with him whenever it all happened. Alexander was talking to one of his friends from another school while John and Laf stood awkwardly by themselves.

"Hey, John," Alexander said as he approached the boys.

"Yeah?" Lauren's answered as he turned around.

"Do you want to go out with me?"

"Of course," John answered simply, but inside he was bursting.

Alexander then left, leaving Laurens and Lafayette to celebrate alone.

Lafayette told everyone; John's mom, his mom, John's friends, John's siblings, Alexander's friends, everyone. It was clear to everyone that he was more than happy for his friend.

They started dating on a Monday, that Sunday, Lafayette convinced Laurens to ask Hamilton if he wanted to go the movies with Laurens, Laf, and some girl that Lafayette had met a couple of days before.

So, they went. That was the first time Alexander held Laurens' hand, after much hinting from Lafayette, if I might add.

Alexander lost a bet, and dyed his hair what he called 'blonde', it was what John called yellow.

He was at a loss for words whenever he saw it for the first time.

"You like it?" Alexander asked with a smile.

John tried to return the smile as convincingly as he could, "It's... not what I was expecting," He admitted.

Alexander didn't seem to realize how much John hated it.

"You're still cute," John assured him multiple times whenever he finally admitted how much he wanted Alexander's hair to go back to it's natural color.

It was summer now, meaning the boys didn't see each other nearly as much as they had during school. However, every free second either of them had went to talking to the other.

The first week of freedom from school, they hung out with Lafayette at his house. Everything was going as perfectly as John could have imagined.

They didn't see each other again for about two weeks. John was in St. Louis with his family whenever he got the first text.

Alexander is typing...

'I miss you', John practically dropped his phone reading that.

Of course he replied with the only thing he could think to respond with:

'I miss you too..'

The next came whenever he was asleep.

'I love you'

They hung out the following day whenever John got back.

It was the first time Alexander had been to the Laurens' house, and John had decided he would show him around the property.

"I'll take you up the hill," John assured, making it sound like 'the hill' was a much bigger deal than what it was. 'The hill' was nothing more than a hill you could walk on in the woods of the property, but all of John's friends loved it. As it was in the woods, it was filled with thorns and spiderwebs, everything you would expect.

"Why don't you let me go first?" Hamilton suggested, going to step in front of John, but the other refused.

He stepped in front of Alexander, starting to climb before his boyfriend could, "It's my house, I can lead," He assured, and he did so.

They got to the peak of the hill whenever it all went downhill, quite literally. John was on the top, waiting for Alexander to catch up whenever Alex lost his footing.

He slid down the hill, on his stomach, grabbing at everything until he finally found a branch that was stable enough to hold him.

John watched, his eyes wide and mouth gaping, until him and Alex locked eyes. They stared into each other's eyes for several seconds before John lost it.

"It's not funny," Alex argued, still laying in the dirt.

John couldn't form a sentence, but instead just kept laughing.

Hamilton huffed, rolling his eyes at the boy above him.

"Hang on," John finally managed, "I'll come rescue you." And he did. They continued upon the trail, laughing and talking until they finally had to track back up the mound. By the time they reached the top, they were both a mess.

Alexander falling down that hill was one of John's favorite memories of the two of them.

It was another two weeks or so before they saw each other again, once again with Lafayette. They went bowling this time, and to say the least, they all sucked.

John finally found something he could beat Alex at whenever him and Laf tied for first place with a very high score of 87.

Alex's parents had told him to be home at 11, and he didn't intend to be any sooner. They drove around for at least an hour, and John for the first time saw Alexander let loose. He sang every song, dancing along with it, probably making the entire neighborhood hate them.

That was John's favorite memory of Alexander.

Once again, about two weeks later they saw each other at the local fair. They lived in a fairly small community, so the fair was nothing more than funnel cakes and livestock. However, Alex was staying with some friends who had to stay with their animals, and Laurens was there for the auctioning off of the animals. The Laurens family was a top contributor to the auction, and John went with his father every year.

They sat and talked for hours. Little did John know, that was the last time he would hang out with his boyfriend.

They saw each other for short amounts of time between practices, and they decided it would get better whenever school started. That was the exact opposite of what happened.

School for them started on a Wednesday, for whatever reason. Alexander didn't really talk to Laurens the first day, but John just shook it off. That was until Alexander wouldn't respond to his messages anymore. They still went through their routine everyday, good morning texts, some more during the day, and I love you texts at night.

The most John could get out of Alexander was six Snapchats each day.

By Friday, John was starting to worry.

'Remember whenever you used to like me, yeah that was fun.' John texted Alexander that Friday before school.

Alexander, of course, found this ridiculous, and assured John that he still wanted to be in their relationship, 'if you ever feel like that, just tell me and we can talk it out,'

Those were basically the only messages John got from Alexander that day.

At about eleven on Friday, John had had enough..

'Tell me if I need to give up. Tell me if you rather be with somebody else. Tell me if you're tired of me. I feel like you're not trying. I want you to tell me what I'm doing wrong; I want you to tell me what I need to fix. I want you to talk to me even if it isn't what I want to hear. All I've gotten so far is that you don't care anymore. Please actually try to make this work, because this is just making me upset and paranoid.'

Alexander's only response was that they needed to communicate more, but he assured John he still loved him more than anything.

The next day, John stayed locked in his room for a majority of the day. He tried again with Alexander, telling him that all the not talking was just making him feel like he wasn't good enough anymore. Alex, once again, assured him that he still wanted to be with him.

John went to Lafayette's that night, and they stayed up late trying to figure out what was up with Alex.

They concluded that he was just stressed out, and that they'd be okay.

'Goodnight, I love you'

'I love you too'

Sunday is the day where our story began.

Alexander had said one thing to him all day, 'Morning'.

'I love you?' John had tried 'I'm sorry' He tried next. Nothing worked until about five whenever he was helping his father assemble some shelf or something, that is when he got the call. His heart dropped immediately seeing the name on the screen. He left the dorm, standing in the hallway, looking out a window, "Hello?" He said, his voice small.

The other line was silent for several seconds, so John just hung up. Several seconds later, Alex called him again. John answered with a hello once again.

"John?" Alexander's voice said from the other end.

"Yeah?" John responded, his heart beating faster than ever before.

Alexander voice was unsure as he talked, "Look, I don't think we're a good fit," And he went on with shit for about two more seconds before John hung up, not wanting to let Alex hear him cry, and not wanting to hear Alex's voice anymore.

He stared out of the window, tears silently dripping down his face for several seconds before full on sobs endorsed his features. He slid down a wall, trying to figure out what he had done so wrong.

It didn't get any better for him.

He felt terrible, like he wasn't worth anything.

'Are you okay?' Laf had asked him.

'I guess I have to be, it's not like I can change his mind,' He had replied, tears covering his phone screen, 'Y'know what hurts the most? He told me he loved me less than twelve hours ago.'

That night, Alexander posted on his snapchat story, '11:11 ES' with a heart.

It didn't hit John for several more days that Alex was posting about another person on his story the same day he broke up with him, from that moment on, he no longer loved Alex and wanted him back, he hated him more than he had before.

John cried every day that week, trying to figure out what he could do to win him back, what he could have done differently.

The next Sunday, John decided he was done being sad over Alex (At least in public), and that he wasn't worth it. But every time he posted something about this new person, John's heart broke a little more, trying to figure out why that wasn't still him.

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Life had become hell for John, to say the least. He went through the motions at school, at home, but nothing felt the same anymore.

Everyday day that he woke up and didn't tell Alexander good morning made his heart break a little more. He tried to act like he was over it, he tried to act like he had went from heartbroken to angry, but it was all an act he put up so Lafayette wouldn't bitch at him for being sad.

He made comments under his breathe anytime Alexander did something that made him relatively mad, but he didn't actually say anything to him.

He even went as far as saying he hated 'ES' (Elizabeth Schuyler), even though he didn't actually know her. He knew that she was rich, that all the boys wanted to be with her, but he had never actually talked to her. But if she was the reason that Alexander broke up with him, John didn't like her. True, her and her family had just moved to the area, and it was possible she hadn't known about the two, but he didn't really care.

John was in what the school called the 'pep band', meaning the band, but they played at the sporting events. Every Friday night, John was stuck playing at the football games, right in front of none other than Eliza and Alexander. They were all over each other, smiling, laughing, hands everywhere. John was never more relieved whenever the game was over. He cried harder than he had in almost a week that night.

One day John was walking to class whenever Alex and Eliza were right where he needed to walk. He sighed, biting the inside of his lip before speaking, "One of us has to move," He started, finally working up the courage to look at them, "And it's not going to be me."

Alexander didn't say anything as he led the girl out of John's way.

Lafayette would do subtle things to Alex, 'accidentally' run into him in the hall, whisper things (not usually about Alex) whenever he walked past him, all kind of things that made Alexander crazy.

One day after school, Alex finally lost it.

"What the hell is your problem?" He confronted John, and John just kept walking, "Seriously? I get it, I broke up with you, but you don't have the right to act like this."

"You didn't have the right to break up with me less than a day after telling me you loved me, so I guess we're even," John retorted.

Alex practically growled at the other's words, "Oh, whatever."

John didn't respond, instead just rolled his eyes and kept walking.

"Y'know, most people just get over i-"

John cut Alexander off, turning to face him, "There are things you don't know about me."

"I know everything about you," Alexander challenged.

John shook his head, "You don't know shit about me."

"Like what?" Alex coaxed an eyebrow, "Please, enlighten me."

'Like how there are days I don't want to come to school, because you're extremely loud and I don't want to hear your voice.

How some days I don't answer Laf, because all I want to do is be miserable.

How I swallow my pride, and I deal with it every time I see you with her.

How I have resisted the urge to actually talk to you, so that I don't get more attached.

How I've considered blocking you, and her, on Snapchat so that I don't have to watch how much you like her.

How sometimes I see old pictures of us, and I break down.

How I can't walk in my woods anymore, because they just remind me of you.

How I've considered quitting band, because I don't want to see you with her more than I have to.

How sometimes I lay awake at night, staring at my ceiling, wondering where I went wrong.

How whenever people ask me how I'm doing, I smile and pretend like I'm okay, but all I can think about is you.

How nobody wants to be around me anymore, because all I can talk about is you.

How I can't watch baseball with my family anymore, because it reminds me too much of you.

How I can't listen to certain songs anymore, because they remind me of the night we just drove around.

How sometimes people ask you something about yourself, and I can still answer it before you get the chance.

How I still have that shirt I made you in the front of my closet, because I don't have to heart to get rid of it.

How I feel like you and your friends' all hate me, and it kills me.

How I feel dead inside anymore.

How every time I think about anything, it always comes back to you.

How my friends tell me how happy you look, and I wonder why she's so much better than me.

How I take one look at her, and realize exactly why you did it, but I refuse to believe that you had a valid reason.

How I still can't grasp why you promised me you loved me a day before you broke up with me.

How I don't go outside, because I don't feel like getting out of bed most days.

How I still love you more than anything, but I can't tell you, because you have her.

How I'm jealous of her, because I know the look you give her.

How I know that look, because it's the same way you used to look at me.

How I know I didn't deserve you, but I still feel we should be together.

How I know I should hate you, because you screwed me over, but I would take you back in a heartbeat.'

Instead of saying any of those things, however, John recited something he had screenshot from Instagram a while before, "You know how when you're in a car and it's pouring down rain, you go under a bridge and everything stops. Everything goes silent and it's almost peaceful. Then you finally get from under the bridge, and everything hits you a little harder than before. You were my bridge," John whispered before turning, leaving before Alexander could see him cry.

It's his loss' John had heard those words more times than he could count, but they never seemed to be true. He tried to remind himself every day when waking up that Alexander wasn't worth all of his sadness, but it felt like he was lying to himself- Alexander was worth every bit of it.

It had been almost a month since they broke up- John knew that he should have been over it by then, but it was like every time he thought he'd be okay, a new wave of missing Alex washed over him. Some days were better than others, but some days he would sit in his bedroom and stare at the ceiling.

Alexander didn't seem to notice how much he had broke John, and John wasn't sure if he wanted him to or not. Alex went about his life, and as John's luck went, both Alexander and Eliza got on homecoming court. They had announced that, and John knew that they'd walk out together, and he'd be forced to see how easy he was to replace once again.

Of course, Lafayette was being no help, only telling John to get over it.

"It was three months in high school," He would say everyday while rolling his eyes, "Just get over it, move on, find another boy." That, as John knew, would be easier said than done.

Each day he tried to let go of Alex a little more, but each day it didn't work. He went through the motions with a smile on his face, but he didn't feel alive anymore. He felt like he was a dead soul in a moving body. Everything he did was because of Alexander, and that wasn't good.

Love was brought up in English class one day, and John shrunk in his chair. From beside him, Laf gave him a small smile, but John decided to just zone out instead.

'Summarize your perspective on love-at your age- in one word' the teacher had instructed, and then she had started randomly selecting people to give her their word, and an explanation on why they chose that particular word.

John prayed that she would just look over him, but sure enough, that didn't work.

"John," She had said, and John wanted nothing more than to die at that moment.

Sure enough, John's heart didn't stop, and he was forced to answer.

"Unnecessary," He mumbled, his eyes not leaving his desk.

The teacher looked almost confused, John was normally so upbeat, "And your explanation?" She asked.

"Love at such a young age is unnecessary," He continued, "Because at this age, there's no real future for any of us. It's more than likely just going to end in heartbreak, so why bother?" He managed.

Alexander from behind him obviously wouldn't stand for that, "I disagree," He said, earning a groan from John and several other people in the class, "Just because you can't find a stable relationship, John, doesn't mean that some of these relationships won't last."

A collective gasp ran through the room, and John shrunk even more in his chair. Lafayette, however, wasn't going to stand for it.

"You're right, Alexander," He started, turning to face the boy he had listened to John cry about all those times before, "Some of these relationships might last, just not any of yours. You might have this girl of yours fooled for right now, but soon enough she'll see how much better she could do."

Another gasp ran through the room as Alexander stood up

Is that so, Gilbert?" He mocked the other's accent, this caused Laf to stand, "You can insult me all you want, but it's not going to get you my girlfriend aft-"

Lafayette laughed, crossing his arms, "Oh, Alexander, if I wanted your girlfriend, I would already have her."

Before Alexander could react, the bell rang, and John was the first one out of the room.

"Thanks," He muttered to Lafayette as he caught up to him, but after that he stopped paying attention the Laf's rambling, and the other kid's stares.

John knew he shouldn't have still felt that way about Alexander. He knew he shouldn't have still cried about him, or obsessed over why this Eliza girl was so much better than him, but he couldn't stop it. Alex was worth all of it, the pain, the tears, the sleepless nights. The small hope that John hated admitting he still had- the small hope that Alex still loved him kept him going.

I wish more than anything I could give you a happy ending, but that's not real life. Real life isn't Rachel and Ross on and off again until they realize they love each other. Real life is one person being fine, and the other being miserable. And I wish it wasn't- I wish I could write this to where Alexander realizes he was wrong, and he still loves Laurens, and everything would be alright, but that would be lying to you. I wish I could write it that way, after all, that would mean I got my happy ending, but that's not how life goes. So, this is the end of this storyline, I'm sorry if you wanted love, but this is heartbreak- and it sucks.