Onimikeler Oneshot: The Things I Deserve

Characters: Onity, Mike, Tyler

Plot: Mike has a bad episode. 

Note: Based off the song "The Things I deserve" by Maika

NOTE: I'm not quite sure i've never actually tagged anything as triggering but it's depressing and sad and it's a written representation of how Mike's mind works. Don't worry though, happy ending with a message for everyone from me. 

-...-

   He didn't know what set it off this time. He tried so hard to trace back his steps in his head and figure out what thought had done this to him, but nothing came from his attempts. It didn't really matter in the end though, because Mike found he couldn't stay cool and sit still at his desk at work anymore. He'd excused himself to an early lunch time quietly and sat in his car. 

It's only half way through the work day, he thought. He couldn't bail out now.

He sat in the front seat of his car, shaking. Thinking. Tears in his eyes. 

He's so weak, jeez. He's a grown man he shouldn't be feeling this way. Men don't fall apart like this. At least, that's what society says. 

He pulled his knees up to his chest and glanced around, hoping nobody would see him in that moment. 

Ugh, he can't believe that he lets society play with his emotions so easily. Tyler may get angry but he never lets himself fall apart this bad over something someone else thinks. He never starts to attack himself. He never blames himself. 

He is so much stronger and so much more of a man then you are. 

And Onity is so calm and could stand before the worst of humans and contain himself as though nothing were bothering him. He could stand before people who've raped, murdered, tortured, and keep back his rage. 

Mike can't do that. He is so weak.

Mike couldn't help but cry as these thoughts beat him down. They were not new to him, but they hurt worse and worse every time they attacked. 

Mike is so weak. 

Mike means nothing. 

Mike shouldn't even be ali-

The phone in his pocket buzzed. 

-ve. 

   Mike didn't bother with the phone. It was some text. He continued to sit there and think horrible things about himself. He continued to rip himself apart mentally. Once the train started it couldn't be stopped. He was only able to pull himself out of this deadly ride when he thought he saw someone and began to question if he should try to drive somewhere. Maybe actually get lunch if this was his break. 

Maybe he should try to talk to someone. 

Onity and Tyler did tell you that if this happened again that you needed to text them, because they know you can't keep your voice together when you talk during this. 

Did they really say that? 

Yeah, they did. 

But right now, it's hard to believe they'd want to waste their time with you. 

But they love you. 

Tyler is busy at work and he could lose his job if he's caught doing less important things. Onity is probably in the middle of something too. He keeps himself busy at home and with friends and family, despite not working. 

But they care more for you then their work. 

You can't live on love. You need money. You need work.  

You motivate them. They motivate you. Talk to them. 

What if they don't love you?

Onity and Tyler -

The phone buzzed again

-They're so much more active around each other then you. 

Mike pulled the phone from his pocket. He needed a distraction so badly. 

You know, Tyler did nearly leave you because he loved Onity. His attraction to the alien is stronger then his attraction to you. 

Don't talk about them that way. Tyler fought his own feelings because he lOVED YOU BOTH EQUALLY. 

Mike looked at notifications on his phone. Texts. 

Onibab: :DD

Nerd: DD:

Onibab: :DDD

Nerd: D:

Onibab: ;D

Nerd: .-.

Nerd: :I

Nerd: ._.

Nerd: I:

Nerd: .-.

Onibab: Spin me right round like a record baby right round round round

Look at those two. You love them so much. They're such idiots and you love them. They mean so much to you. 

Talk to them. They aren't doing anything important because they're texting dumb shit to each other. 

But they're in a good mood and you don't want to ruin that. 

But you are more important. 

I've never been more important then their happiness. 

StOP THINKIN G ABOUT YOURSELF AND THINK ABOUT THEIR HAPPINESS IN TRUTH. They won't be happy if you are hurting yourself.

That's why they don't need to know. 

This thinking is going to get you killed. 

It's what I deserve.

You've done nothing to deserve this.

You fucked up your family.

That wasn't your fault, it was your shitty parents. 

It was you. 

Stop saying that. 

Stop trying to fix what can't be fixed.

You can be fixed. YOu just need to get help. TALK TO THEM. 

Mike stared at the texts as they appeared on his screen. The two continued with dumb comebacks at each other and it was entertaining but it didn't distract him like he hoped it would. He placed the phone back in his pocket. He decided he'd try to drive somewhere to eat lunch. He could find time at a local subway or something. He put his thoughts on the road. 

Don't hide, talk to them. Pushing it back will not help you. 

We're driving, stop talking or else we'll get in trouble. 

That's why you should come to terms and face your fear and talk TO THEM. 

They don't want to hear me right now. 

ThEY'VE SAID THEMSELVES THAT THEY WANT TO HELP YOU WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT. 

You are worthless. 

You deserve to die, you know that? You can't even think properly. 

See that tree you drove by? You should have crashed into it. 

Oh my god, please shut up. 

See that red light? Maybe if you go through it you'll be hit. 

Stop thinking things like that!

You could turn left right now into that cargo truck beside you and hopefully be caught in the flames. 

Holy shit stop. 

I guess you could drive and drive and drive. You could drive until you run out of gas and sit there and die. 

You shouldn't be driving right now. 

This was getting worse. Mike pulled into a parking lot at a strip mall, scared of himself. He hadn't had an episode like this for awhile. He'd only gotten a few miles before parking again. His whole body was shaking. He couldn't do anything. 

You're so weak. 

You shou-

The phone rang. 

-ld kill yourself. 

Mike pulled out the buzzing phone, staring at the screen, having to take a few moments to recognize who was showing on the collar ID. 

It was Tyler. 

Answer the call.

But I can't. 

Why?

I...

He answered the call. His hand shook as he placed the phone to his ear. 

"Hey! It's my lunch break and I know you've got a more flexible work schedule so I was wondering if you'd like to meet me somewhere?" He asked. 

Mike's mind was blank. He opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out. 

"Mike? Are you okay?"

Are you okay?

I'm fine. 

perfectly fine. 

fine as ever. 

all fine and dandy. 

"No, i-i'm not okay." 

It was big to admit that, but the moment Tyler would have been told "i'm fine", he would have gotten the same message. He's, after all, heard it all before. 

"Oh, uh, you wanna meet me somewhere?" 

Mike began to nod his head then remembered to talk. 

"Yes." 

"Alright. How's subway? We can eat in the car if you'd like." 

"I..I'd like t-that." 

"Okay. You drive safe okay?"

"I'll try." 

It was an honest answer, really. 

"Remember that I love you, okay?" 

"I love you too."

"I mean, I really love you a lot and I will see you shortly."

"I love you."

"I love you."

  Tyler hesitated but then he hung up. Mike sat for a little and took some deep breaths and thought back on what Tyler said. 

I love you. 

He loves me. 

He wants to have lunch with me. 

He will see me shortly. 

 It was difficult, but using Tyler's words to help silence his thoughts helped in the drive to the subway. He got there first and parked and sat there. He waited, watching for Tyler's car.

He loves me. 

When Tyler arrived, He parked beside Mike's car, and then walked out to Mike's car. Mike rolled down the window beside him as Tyler approached. 

"You made it, and now i'm here with you." Tyler said, leaning it and giving Mike a small kiss. 

"I love you." Mike said. 

"I love you. Are you okay enough to come inside or would you like me to order?"

"I'll stay here." Mike really didn't feel like showing his stupid weak face around public. 

"I'll be right back."

And Tyler left, and he came back after some time with two sandwiches. He had napkins and stuff and he sat in the passenger seat next to Mike and he helped Mike and he talked to him. 

And he told Mike that the voices in his head were not always right. 

Mike was everything to him and Onity. 

Mike was so very important. 

Mike was worth so much. 

It doesn't matter what yOU think, because there is always someone who loves you and cares about you. It doesn't matter what you try to claim, you are always worth something. You are always important.

You have no idea how worse life would be on this planet for many people if something terrible were to happen to you. 

You gone would leave a huge hole in our relationship, hearts, minds, lives. 

It would destroy us. 

We need you. 

You need us. 

     Tyler told Mike he needed to go home and not back to work. Mike tried to intervene, but Tyler said he'd call Mike's boss. Tyler said his mental health was more important and while they needed work, one afternoon of recharging won't hurt anymore. 

  Mike wanted to say he didn't deserve it, but Tyler frowned and texted Onity and told him that if Mike doesn't make it home within the next half hour then let him know so that Tyler could take that big baby home himself. 

Mike caved in after that. 

  Tyler cleaned up and said goodbye and reminded Mike that he is loved and then, trusting Mike, left to go back to work. Mike drove off, but he didn't return to work. He drove back home. He made it and walked in and was greeted by Onity, who told him the same things Tyler told him. 

You are loved. 

You are important. 

You mean so much to me. 

  Mike found himself worn out and tired and in the calming darkness of his bedroom. Under him was the soft bed and warm blankets and beside him was Onity, who cuddled him and told him about happy things. Who told him about how much he loved humans and how they don't even understand how amazing they are. He talked about much they mean to him. He talked about how much Mike meant to him. 

You are loved. 

You are important. 

You mean so much to so many people. 

It might be hard to understand.

But it's the truth. 

I know for a fact. 

-...-