A/N:
Major spoilers for arc two if you aren't caught up.
Also angst. Lots of it. And some hints to Esme's backstory. So some more spoilers. But not sure if I'm gonna use them. Yet. Just felt like writing this for fun.

Light flickered by like frames on the tv- the outside world truly zooming by as Esme leaned her face against the train cart's window.

Her boss, Miguel, sat cross legged across from her, his face directed towards the window as well. He was blurry in her peripheral vision, but she could feel his stare.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." She mumbled beneath her breath.

"Hmm? Oh, if only I could."

Esme lifted her chin from her hand, quickly looking over at him in surprise. She forced her wide eyes quickly to relax, not wanting her reaction to satisfy that smug smirk of his.

"What? I enjoy the ride." His smile only widened as her brows furrowed.

Esme looked back. She wasn't.

"What's wrong? You've had that frown plastered on your face since we got on." Miguel leaned forward, but her eyes kept trained ahead.

Lights flickering across her face like a tv screen. Scenes from a movie she lived through playing on repeat. She felt her hand tighten on the window still.

"Nothing." She muttered.

"Esme." He used her nickname, not Esmerelda. Still, she kept her lips tightly locked.

"Esme, seriously. You're worrying me."

Now that made her snap. She looked over again- completely convinced he must be lying, only to see those coffee eyes concealed in his furrowed brows, jaw clenched with his lip slightly pulled back in a grimace. His hands were clasped together tightly, his weight completely on his elbows as he leaned them on his knees. He refused to take his eyes off her- not even to blink.

"Okay, okay. Fine." She sighed, dragging a hand over her eyes to try and remove the image from her conscious. She couldn't help but think it would be easier if she could simply pluck it from her temples and present it to him to see, but her imagination stayed just that.

"This subway. I used it a lot with... with Gavin." Esme dragged her eyes to her lap, tracing each scratch on her denim.

"Gavin?" His voice was low.

Fingers tightening, she dug her nails into the skin of her palm. Whisks of blonde hair filled her vision with the faint rings of sunlight emitting just behind him. Peachy lips widened to reveal pearly teeth, emitting a silent laugh. Sunlight dancing in twin mirrorball eyes.

They rocked forward, and a loud ring broke the silence. Doors slid open and Esme quickly stood up.

"Come on, this is our stop that __ said to get off at."

Miguel didn't have time to acknowledge her brittle voice, her form quickly dashing to get off. He followed in wide strides, quickly trying to keep track of her in the pool of warm bodies moving in currents in the station.

Esme didn't know why she felt so emotional just from a subway- it wasn't even hers. This was a different world, a different reality. And yet everything was the same here. Same streets, same skyscrapers, same zoo, same Brooklyn, same subway and same her. But a different Gavin.

"Esme!" She heard Miguel call for her. She knew they should stick together, but she couldn't let him see her falling tears. Couldn't let him see her weak.

Once she was above ground and felt the city lights wash over her, she quickly immersed herself in the crowd, walking down the street until she found a safe alleyway to hide in.

She took a deep breath, trying to slow down the pounding again her rib cage.

"L-Lyla." She croaked. "G-give me my suit. Now."

"Esme, your vitals are showing that your heart rate is rapid- you are no condition to be-"

"I don't care. Lyla, please." Esme squeezed her eyes shut.

"Okay." Lyla relented, and Esme felt the familiar tug of her clothes filling out into her suit- the flutter of her hair pulled back as her mask slid over her face.

She just needed air. Needed time to think. Miguel would understand- she was sure he'd rather her clear her head now than go into battle unstable.

So she swung. She didn't know where. Just, anywhere. Close by. Particularly somewhere high up too. Somewhere the night shadows couldn't reach her.

And just her luck, the sky cracked open in a loud roar. She felt something wet hit her nose- and then her shoulder, and then several more drops.

She landed on a building wall and hugged herself beneath a balcony, trying to shield herself from the rain. In time though, she became too soaked to care anymore. So she moved and sat at the edge.

The rain pattered onto the precipice of Esmerelda Costello. Costello, what good that name served her. Once a name that was honorable. The kind that made you walk with your chin held high, and caught everyone's gaze as the passed them. The kind that would make people go, "oh! That's a Costello! How amazing!"

The kind of name Esmerelda had tried so hard to live up to. For everything it stood for, such as grace and love, strength and courage. Now, it stood for nothing. At least that part she could relate to.

As she sat at the edge of the building, looking down at the swirling fog at the depths of the city, she felt like that name- once big as a building- had shrunk down to the same size as the cars below.

And yet, it had left such a large impact. Like a meteor that crashed into the earth and killed the dinosaurs, but upon collision had shattered into so many pieces that there was nothing left as evidence of its magnitude besides the damage it left.

No one ever remembered meteoroids for its journey in space, how it shielded the boundaries of our solar system. No, it was only ever remembered for killing dinosaurs.

Esmerelda would never be remembered as the rising ballerina who took the stage by storm. She was going to disappear just like the meteor- be forgotten for thousands of years until scientists scrounged up her DNA and figured out who she was and wrote her down in history not for the artistry of loving sister, niece, friend, or student.

She'd be written down as the menace vigilante called spider-woman. Who started fires and left ashes of decay. Who killed dinosaurs.

That was her legacy. That was who she was. Not even this world's version of her could escape that fate. In fact, instead of taking the route Esme had and choosing to fight against the darkness, this one had chosen to just give in. Becoming a monster. Killing her enemies and burning so many with her powers.

Was that truly what Esme was capable of being? A monster? Or was she already one from what happened to Gavin- to tia Maria, to Gio? Especially now that she knew the reason truly was her. __ had killed them to get to her. And she let it happen.

She glanced down at her hands, her veins still hot despite how frigid the rain soaked her skin. Maybe Miguel was right. Maybe she wasn't worthy of being a hero. 

The rain almost concealed the light tap of feet landing behind her, but her ears burned with its sound. She didn't bother turning, she knew who it was. She just didn't know why it was him.

"Why did you run off like that?" He questioned.

"Why did you follow?" She shot back, only to head a snort.

"Because I had to make sure your dumbass was going to stay out of trouble." His steps drew closer until she could practically feel the heat from his body. He sat next to her, and she heard the glassy jingle of his mask dematerializing.

"You forget this world's local spider-woman is a high risk villain. Even you aren't safe from her," he added. "I need another pair of fists for this battle or I can't get home."

"So that's the only reason you care? Because I'm a means to an end?" Esme snapped, glaring at him.

"No. You aren't."

She paused, almost unsure if she could speak as the visage of his dripping dark hair fell across his forehead, a lock stuck to the bridge of his nose as his eyes looked at her in such a piercing gaze- beseeching her.

She yanked off her mask, her drenched curls plastered against her forehead and flushed cheeks.

"I... I can't do this anymore. I can't keep fighting a losing battle... I'm," she squeezed her eyes close. "I'm tired. Tired of being hit back and forth like a tennis ball. It's this villain and then onto the next. There's never a break. I'll always save someone only to lose someone else."

The rain seemed to fall down harder, her chest tightening as she took shallow breaths.

"I can never win! I can save half of New York- save all of it, save the whole goddamn planet and still somehow screw up twice as much as I succeed and be hated. Be a failure. To my family, my friends- the people I care about the most. I hurt them." She hiccuped, wiping water from her eye. "I just wanted to be something that kept them warm and safe. But I burn them. I'm a flammable mess and I- I- I just-"

Miguel gripped her tight. He didn't say a word, just wrapped his arms around her and pulled him close against his chest. She hiccuped and sobbed against him, shoulders racking as she gripped his forearms- pleading with the universe for her to borrow his strength.

How did he do it? How did he always stay so composed no matter what? Lift so much weight in his arms when he seemed to carry the world on his shoulders.

He was amazing. And she was... she was just a stupid hot-head.

"You're not a failure. And it's not your fault. It was never your fault that they died, Esmerelda."

She shook her head and his grip tightened.

"Areñita, listen to me." He placed his hands on her shoulders, pulling her back.

"I'm being serious- take it from me. I... I ordered S.H.I.E.L.D to use lethal force on Kron Stone when he was venom- and it cost me. If I hadn't made that call, Dana could still be here." He took a deep breath. "But you taught me not to think about the what ifs- you showed me I needed to let go. To focus on the present."

Esme's lip quivered, fingers curling into his suit as she trembled. "Y-you're strong though. I can't- I can't"

"Yes, you can. It's okay to feel like this Esme. It's okay to feel guilty. It's okay to wonder what ifs. But have you ever stopped and allowed yourself to acknowledge you didn't pull the trigger that killed your loved ones? In the end you couldn't control or stop the decisions all the exterior factors made. Didn't ask to be spider-woman.

And yet you try to be. You didn't have to choose this path Esme- we saw exactly who you could become in this world, and here you are. Embracing your powers- saving everyone you can. I think that makes you a hero, Esme. New York might not think so, but I do."

Hearing each and every word in his comforting vice broke down every wall Esme put up, one by one, until she was left standing in the rubble. Her arms slowly found themselves wrapped around Miguel in return, hugging him tighter as she sobbed against him. The rain was heavy, thunder rumbling in the distance.

His arm slid to beneath her legs and with one easy swoop he picked her up, holding her close.

"Lyla, route to the nearest hotel."

"Right away, searching."

He looked down, arms tightening as she pressed her weight closer to him, gripping his shoulders as she shivered for warmth.

"It's okay Esme, let it all out. I'm going to find somewhere to get ourselves dry and warm, just hold on tight."

She nodded, shivering.

Once Lyla found a close location, he leapt off the roof with Esme at hand, the fragile girl nestled within his arm. He'd take care of her, he promised to himself. She and him may have a rocky friendship, but she was there for him when he hadn't even asked- so he'd be here for her now.

Always.