So this idea came from JaxTheShade from the kotlc fandom... again. Technically a request, but I would've written it anyway-

So this is Oralie during Sophie's kidnapping, when she thinks she's dead. 

Tw: d//th mention, gr/ef

Oralie was falling, and she didn't know how to rise again. How she could rise again.

Down... down... down...

She watched the sky disappear, far above, falling deeper into the abyss.

Maybe her mind was breaking, she managed to think.

Maybe this was her punishment for all those years ago.

Maybe this was what she deserved.

"Ora," Kenric's voice whispered, tears swimming in his own eyes. She doubted it was from his own sadness; more likely from the look on her face.

Utter guilt. Utter anger and misery and regret and anxiety.

Utter ruin.

"Oralie." Kenric said the name tenderly, softly. Almost reverently.

(wrong, all wrong)

"Could you repeat that?" Oralie's voice was a little strangled, and she cleared it, closing her eyes and opening them again to clear the haze of horror from her mind.

"She's dead," Kenric murmured softly. "There was a tidal wave. We- we found her registry pendant. It was with another boy's at the bottom of the ocean. He's... he was lost too."

Oralie's face twisted again, her features crumpling as tears escaped her eyes.

(she hadn't even known her. hadn't even talked to her. didn't know who she was)

She'd never even learned Sophie's favorite color.

(and now she never would)

...

Oralie stared straight ahead with the rest of the Councillors.

They'd said their piece; or Emery had, as was required at funerals. The usual drivel; halfhearted speeches about the safety of their world, lamenting the life of the two kind souls who had been ended so young.

Oralie had hardly been able to stand it. Especially since she wasn't able to show any emotion.

(the other Councillors had seemed almost bored. they didn't know her, or the boy who died with her. neither did Oralie, really)

It was all she could do to keep the tears from dripping down her face. All she could do to keep the stoic expression fixed and steady.

Steady, as if she hadn't failed.

(they were washed away, dots on a map, words on a page, a strand of DNA, two registry pendants found at the bottom of an ocean)

Her only chance to have a child. Sophie. Her daughter.

Edaline and Grady were barely standing, their faces streaked with tears.

(they might not be able to recover from this one. another one of Oralie's mistakes)

They were better parents than Oralie ever could have been. Even when they'd canceled the adoption.

Even though she'd been wrong. Again.

Kenric's hand enveloped hers, and she glanced to the side hesitantly, to see him looking at her. Softly. Sadly. Almost reverantly.

(wrong, all wrong, all of this was wrong-)

She pulled her hand out of his, fixing her gaze on a tree at the edge of the crowd to avoid seeing the hurt look on his face.

The bottle smashed on the ground over the seed, and Edaline almost collapsed onto Grady. Oralie felt a little like collapsing herself, her eyes fixed on the knobbly tree growing from the ground.

It was small, smaller than Dex's, which was strong and spiky and sturdy.

Sophie's was skinny and almost stunted.

(was this the result of the tampering of her DNA? was this the Black Swan's fault, that her daughter's tree would be weak?)

Grady and Edaline were staring off into space, tears sliding down their cheeks. They nodded listlessly as the line formed, as the condolences started streaming in.

It was her fault they were feeling this way.

The Vackers reached the front of the line, and Oralie watched Della pull Edaline into her arms, watched Fitz and Biana wrapped their shaking arms around themselves as Alden spoke quietly to Grady.

Her fault.

Oralie shoved the thought out of her mind, refusing to give in to the guilt.

Refusing to admit that she hadn't taken the time to speak to her daughter because she was afraid.

Afraid of the consequences, afraid that Sophie would find out, afraid of losing her position.

But mostly afraid of how much Sophie would hate her once she found out.

...

Oralie poked at her food listlessly. Her stomach was turning too much to eat, and the world was spinning around her.

She swallowed. Hard.

All of her planning. Her preparation. Her anticipation, her nerves, her excitement.

She'd known her daughter for less than a school year. And even then, she hadn't known her.

Hadn't known her favorite color, her favorite animal, what living with humans had been like, her thoughts and dreams and ideas.

She didn't know anything that wasn't included on her file. The file that Oralie had scanned fervently, greedily soaking in any possible details about Sophie's life.

She didn't know her at all.

Oralie closed her eyes before the tears could spill over. She inhaled slowly, but her stomach kept on churning, until she found that she could hardly breathe.

The tears slipped down her cheeks, and Oralie buried her face in her hands.

(wrong. all of it. everything, all of it was wrong)

I considered writing Oralie realizing Sophie was actually alive, but then I remembered how much I like angst without a happy ending.

SO YEAH that-

poor Oralie (I'm totally not laughing while I write this from the evilness of writing sad angst)

So yeah there was that!