Not Too Close

"You thought you could sail into MY kingdom and trick ME!

A professed trichologist who had shaved kings and monarchs

throughout the Nalkrik Realms?

A straight edge would give a better shave, you said, you had

honed your skills as a tonsorial artist, you said.

Does this look like SKILL to YOU, Through my cheek

instead of OFF my cheek?

And think now you can escape?

Sail your miserable little ship away with a purse of MY gold?

Think again you weasely mountebank, say your pitiful prayer

while you experience true barbering from a BARBARIAN!

FETCH MY KNIFE AND FORK!