All my life I was told that I had to do something. From how much I remember there was always something I had to do. First it was school then it was homework, then they say go socialize or even go out a bit. Truth to be told. I never wanted that at all. If it was me, I would stick at home and just be in my bed and read books and online novels for the rest of my life. I don't even remember when I started to try and get away from life.

Did I even need a reason?

No matter how much I was thinking about it. I had everything I could ask for. I may not have known my father or my mother but I had my grandmother keeping me company. She was always there for me, providing me with a sweet home, love and food. There was nothing I couldn't tell her at all. She was just that woman who would try to make one feel better no matter what or who you are. I loved her for that.

Then why did I start to trap myself in my own world?

Ah... maybe school life?

Well I can't really say it is hard on me because I was not a person to socialize a lot. In fact I nearly never do that. Of course I knew the fact that I needed to be in a group and work together with other students but the thought of meeting with them after school was still a bit far-fetched for me.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I didn't have anything against people but if something I have learned from observing people then it was that human nature was a sly and cunning one. You could never know if someone was true to yourself or they wanted to gain something from you. Maybe they were even using you like a stepping stone. Who knows! I certainly have seen my own fair share.

A classmate getting bullied and dumped into a bin because she was small. Then another one stealing stuff from others. Ah and how could I forget about all these times where people accused me of stealing stuff.... yeah how could I forget.

Maybe this was my reason for just wanting to escape reality?

I had no one to really rely on besides my grandmother but I didn't want to bother her a lot. Of course I can trust her. It's just... each time when I ask for help she would always say stuff like: "Just ignore them" or "Did you tell others?" or even this "You know the saying. You don't need to search for idiots! They're gonna show themselves. That's life."

Since I was small, she would tell me stories about how her life was and how she grew up. Maybe this was also another reason why I chose to remain silent after a while and just endure it. Was there another choice? Would anyone believe me if I said, " It wasn't my fault!". I highly doubt that.

Was there a true friend?

Was there ever a friend I could trust?

How about that girl, I really liked sticking to and playing with her a lot when I was younger? Oh but how could I forget the moment she stole something and made me see and know about this too? How could I forget about how my heart was beating that day. I didn't steal a thing but just knowing that your best friend did made it not better at all.

So once again I was wondering how did I end up like this?

Maybe it was because I couldn't trust a soul or it was because I just learned that people were fools.

If someone would give you a helping hand, most of the time the other person would grab the full arm and take you with them. That was how human nature was and I was sick of it. I needed a place where people wouldn't betray me. Where I could be me and not the picture perfect person. I knew there was no one expecting me to be perfect. There was no rule nor standard nor any punishment at home. Then how come I wanted to make everything right?

Was this how society was actually programming kids to be?

Was it maybe the look in the teachers eyes and the way they said, I would never be able to be something bigger? HAH... how I wanted to laugh at them so badly.

I wouldn't make it!

I wouldn't be able to perform that well.

I was not that intelligent nor capable of it.

Then watch me!

I will do it!

Don't question me!

Who are you after all to tell me what to do and who to be?

Ah yes.

That was the beginning of me starting to shut myself off from everything. I wanted to prove that I could do it. After all, who were they to tell me what my destiny was? Who were they to tell me what I could do and what not? It was not their choice to make. I was not their child! So why did they care?! Why did they have to try and break my dream?

The answer to that is still a mystery to me.

But that day I knew I wanted to prove it. So in the end I studied hard and I got through school life. Even if I didn't have a single person to call a friend. There were many people who wanted to use me and of course I knew what it meant to be bullied but I was not that simple to be bullied.

Each time I would find a chance, I would give hell back to them.

This was the person I was.

It was just how I ended up to be after seeing what would happen to a person who was showing their weakness. I didn't like it but I chose this path. It was my own choice.

I remember having a study group in school. We all would try to use each other. I wasn't the brightest one without any help. How can people expect me to know something without showing it to me? My family is also not wealthy so I didn't have a tutor or a chance to ask for one. No, I found my very own way. I made a deal with my study group. This was how I got to be part of them, the elite of my class. Well everyone used to call us 6 the elite since our grades were good and I was riding this wave with them since I was the one providing them all with snacks, sweets and fruits.

Everything had a price and I understood that.

Gosh how happy I was when school ended but that was of course not the end of my journey.

"You gotta try to have a higher degree!"

That's what my grandma said.

Naturally I responded with a nice, "Sure! I can try it."

If I had known that time was this precious, maybe I would have stopped it and took some time to spend with my grandma. She means the world to me after all. Even though I knew I couldn't tell her everything, she was still there for me. I owed it to her.

Oh well you know, nothing is granted and it was only the best interest that made her encourage me to go and study to get into a good university.

Never did I doubt myself!

Not once did I doubt that I couldn't do something.

I learned it from my grandmother. She told me, "If you want to have something, then you have to work for it. Nothing is free in this world."

Nothing might have been free and nothing is granted but I could see the greed in the eyes of people. It was getting worse and worse. No one cared about the other anymore.

Was this why I loved reading books so much?

I guess this was the reason why I spend most of my free time in my room and not going outside to read stories. It was after all in these types of books that I could see my motivation grow. The faith in humanity and the goodwill was written down in it. If I wouldn't have read about it, then I would have thought that my grandmother would be the only last person to know what it meant to be good and not expect anything at all.

"Treat a person the way you want them to treat you."

True.

Oh how true but what if the others try to trick you?

What then?

There was always a way to defeat evil. Just look at the crime books where the detective or the police would always get the villains!

There was always some hope for humanity. Just look at these books which are good for a broken heart. The main character would get showered with love and goodwill and there were even people helping them to get through hard times! What a truly amazing act of kindness.

There was also some loyalty. I mean I remember all these books about being in a party and then going off into the world to fight evil.

There were also books about the evil itself and how they got to be evil. Truly amazing piece of arts. No matter how I looked at it. People were never born evil but they were created or maybe they did because psychopaths definitely were born that way. Then again there were the good guys who would handle them.

Some stories had a really happy ending which made me want to read more and others were just utterly sad where I could cry my whole heart out. There were indeed times where I really needed it and felt so much better after it.

Thinking about it, there were even books I could relate so much to the main character as well.

....

Yeah I enjoyed all kinds of books but I would have never thought I would end up in one.

To make it worse, I didn't know exactly what kind of character I was since all I knew was that I had just gone to sleep after a night filled with study till 2 am and oh well maybe I was overworking myself but I wanted to have an easy life! Now look at me!

I was stuck in a world in which I didn't even know where I was.

If someone told me reincarnation and transmigration was real, I would have laughed at their face and asked if they are alright or maybe even delusional. HAHAHAHA... then how was I about to explain what was going on right now?

I couldn't even believe myself.

Maybe I should calm down but good lord, heaven have mercy!

I didn't know where I was.

How could anyone be calm in this kind of situation?

Wasn't that an expectation which was a bit too much in this kind of situation?

I literally woke up in a forest! There was no one and nothing around me. No path, no bags, no house, nothing! What was I supposed to do?

The only thing that was keeping me sane right now was the pure fact that I remember studying for a huge exam with about 500 pages worth of material to know and then pulling a late night shift to get it done. I was in my room, it was warm and cozy inside. The forest was such an unfamiliar scene for a city person like myself. I didn't know what a forest even meant to be. All I have ever seen was a bigger park and that is it!

Now how else was I supposed to explain this?

If this was not some kind of transmigration, soul summoning shit or whatever than what was? I was definitely not dead! It couldn't be! I refuse to believe that I died while studying!

I thought so hard all my life to prove that I could do things on my own.

I tried to be the person I wanted to be and stick true to myself!

I tried so so hard!

What was it for if I would end up in this kind of situation!

Now that was not the worst thing that popped up in my mind. What could be worse? How about a book having a plot? That means there is a story line and that means there is something called destiny and not really a choice I could make! Oh this was what made my blood boil! Screw destiny! The moment I find out what kind of book that is, I will send the story line to hell and create one of my own! That's what I will do! No matter what!

But first be first!

I should really find out where I was and who I was....

And maybe also panic while I was at it.