669.

670.

671.

672.

[That Night]

Yoongi hadn't been able to sleep a wink ever since he made a decision to come clean to Taehyung. Though things seemed to be going well on the outside, he could feel the growing tensions in their relationship.

Taehyung has always been an impatient one and he could tell it was driving him mad that Yoongi didn't let their relationship progress beyond a few kisses. He also avoided Taehyung, sometimes citing business trips, going abroad for work even when it didn't require his presence. He had no doubt Taehyung would catch on soon.

Jimin had texted him asking if he was okay and then there was Jin who came over to assure this was a long time coming. He even accompanied him to Taehyung's apartment and assured him that he'd drop by in a matter of minutes if he needed him.

Yoongi let himself inside Taehyung's apartment and waited for him to come back from work. He distracted himself during that time by cooking dinner and setting the table. Taehyung texted him that he was running a bit late and to eat if he was hungry, but Yoongi didn't think he could stomach food.

He then began to tidy up the already clean apartment, his wolf pacing restlessly in his chest. The situation was far from ideal. The secret he carried in his chest felt like a ticking bomb. He had no idea how Taehyung would react to this news.

When he entered Taehyung's bedroom to clean, he had to pause and take a deep breath because Taehyung's strong scent washed over him, more potent and overwhelming in the place he spent most of the time.

Yoongi inhaled the comforting fragrance of jasmine with the undernotes of petrichor. What a beautiful scent. His wolf forgot their predicament for a moment and took comfort in the lingering pheromones. His citrusy scent mingled with it and he took several lungs full of that intoxicating scent.

Taehyung's room was aesthetically pleasing with several art pieces hanging off the walls. Honestly, his entire home was decorated with expensive artifacts he acquired from several parts of the world and felt like a museum. One couldn't just walk around without stumbling on one or other piece of priceless artifacts.

He sat on the bed, sinking into the plush comfort and absentmindedly running his hands over the soft blanket. The silent room filled with Taehyung's compelling scent was a solace to his aching soul.

The mating mark on his neck ached a little. He yearned to be held by his mate again, but the knowledge of what transpired that night was a dead weight on his chest. At that time, it felt like the right choice. He didn't want to burden Taehyung with something he knew would devastate him.

Truth be told, Yoongi himself didn't know how to process this. He didn't expect to be marked out of everything else that could have happened that night. The worst outcome he predicted was them ending up sleeping together. But Taehyung had marked him instead before promptly passing out just after doing so.

However, Yoongi was convinced he did the right thing by withholding the truth because the Taehyung from that time would have destroyed everything or ran away and disappeared and never be found again. He knew exactly how Taehyung functioned. He was someone who avoided conflicts. He'd dip at the first chance and reappear as if nothing happened after everything has settled.

The actor has somehow seemed to mature in the past few months and approach things differently. Yoongi learned from Jin that Taehyung was secretly going for therapy, which he didn't want anyone to know about. The actor was secretive in his own way. Most of all, he had a habit of hiding all his shortcomings from others. He'd never tell someone if he was struggling and would shut down everyone else.

So far only Jimin had been able to get him to open up and do something about it. But now Jungkook too. Yoongi didn't understand how Jungkook managed to do that in such a short time, but the only answer he came up with was love.

Taehyung had been deprived of love and affection since his childhood. When Yoongi met the boy in school, he knew Taehyung yearned for it. He was close to his nanny at that time, but was distraught when he learned his nanny was let go of work because of her illness.

He remembered how Taehyung aided her treatment behind his family's back and how it broke him when she passed away. Taehyung had never been the same after that. He'd distance himself from affection and anything warm.

The alpha closed his eyes, trying to picture Taehyung's reaction when he found out. Would he be angry? Hurt? Maybe he'd feel betrayed that Yoongi kept this truth from him all this time. But he'd surely be devastated.

If he focused enough, he could already picture how Taehyung would go pale, his eyes wide and mouth hung open. The usual light in his eyes would dim and he'd look like he was being haunted.

He'd blame himself for ruining everything and the would destroy him from the inside out. His first instinct would be to run away and disappear.

Was this truth worth telling him? Yoongi knew he had no choice. This wasn't something he could erase and move on. He couldn't turn back time and resolve it. They were tied to each other for eternity and Taehyung wasn't aware. Like this, both couldn't move on with their lives and were stuck together.

Yoongi took a deep breath. As much as he wanted to keep running from it, he knew he couldn't. The sooner he ripped the band-aid off the better. Jin had earlier warned him that the hidden truth would do more damage.

Over the months, this had already started to fester. Yoongi had been bitter even if he didn't want to, causing him to be hostile with Taehyung on different occasions. Like a shadow, it tainted their peace and haunted Yoongi's every thought.

What if he walks away? What if this was all too much for him?

Yoongi swallowed. Just the thought alone was too much to bear. His chest tightened and his breathing grew shallow.

I can't lose him. Not after coming this far.

He ran a hand through his hair, fighting the tears.

Maybe I should have confronted him immediately instead of letting things get this far. Maybe he'd have run away and destroyed everything but Taehyung would have at least known what he had done.

Yoongi stood to pace, feeling the weight of the unspoken words pressing down on him. He didn't think he could keep on carrying this burden for another day. He had to let it all out.

Walking to the window, he stared at the skyscraper and the starless skies. He took several deep breaths to steady his racing heart.

This has to be done.

And maybe trust Taehyung to do the right thing. He had to trust the bond they have built over this short term of courtship. Besides, Jimin had assured him that they had his back.

Just as he exited the room, he heard the tell tale of a beep sound, announcing Taehyung's arrival.

He's here.

Yoongi took another deep breath.

Let's do this.

***

The dinner was a silent affair. Taehyung could sense Yoongi lost in deep thoughts, merely eating anything. The older alpha pushed the food around the bowl, drinking the whiskey more than he consumed food.

What's bothering him?

The actor's gaze raked the handsome features of his boyfriend. Using that term alone caused his heart to flutter and several butterflies to erupt in his belly. He was still getting used to being in a committed relationship.

Going from running around like an uncontrolled bull to a tamed one wasn't an easy transition. But Taehyung surmised something had changed in him and the transition has been happening for a while without him even realizing.

In his younger years, the mere thought of commitment didn't make sense to him and he laughed at anyone who waxed poetry about having their one and only. While acting, he often ruined shots and had to take several retakes in every romantic scene because shit didn't make sense to him and sounded funnier.

Even when Jin fell in love and talked about Jia, he'd laugh silently at how absurd it sounded. Namjoon would elbow him and Hoseok would pinch him in warning. Jimin would sometimes kick him under the table while Yoongi would give him that cold stare from across the table. Fortunately, Jin never hated him for it even if his actions were offensive at times.

It wasn't that Taehyung wasn't happy for him. He just didn't understand love or commitment. Because he hadn't seen one while growing up and received none. His very first attempt at a relationship failed too, just like Jimin's had. So he had seen no reason to keep trying.

Now that he was in a place where it all made sense, Taehyung realized how senseless and reckless he'd been acting in the past. Perhaps it had to do with having someone who really cared. Thanks to Jungkook who taught him the true values of family.

When he ran a background check on him initially, something in his eyes struck familiarity. Perhaps it was the pain or the omega's strength to power through all obstacles. Taehyung admired the omega for his resilience and soon he was invested to know more.

During their first meeting, Jungkook once again struck a chord inside him with his calm and composed demeanor. He saw how he tackled every obstacle in life while standing up for himself. Then when they spoke, Jungkook had shown him a sort of care and affection no one has ever done in his life.

And then Jungkook with his soft smile and calm presence helped him pull his head out of his ass and deal with his issues instead of running away. The thought of Yoongi having feelings for ten years and suffering silently made his heart ache.

Yoongi looked handsome as ever. The way the corner of his mouth tugged into a gentle frown, the soft crease of his brows and the distant look on his face. Everything was beautiful. How had he never noticed before?

Maybe he always did and just didn't have the balls to admit it. Taehyung had been abandoned enough in his younger years and he feared having to live alone for the rest of his life. What would his friends say if they knew?

But then they proved they were the best group of friends he could have, encouraging him to go what his heart wanted. Some things were easier said than done but he had managed thanks to them.

When Yoongi told him there was something he had to tell him, Taehyung thought it had to do with the business. But now looking at him, he realized it must be something else.

The usual relaxed atmosphere of their dinners was absent. The questions were at the tip of his tongue and his usual impatient nature hardly allowed him to sit still. An invisible tension clung in the air, which both pretended to not notice.

Taehyung decided not to push because he felt this was something important. He has never seen his best friend this troubled in all these years he has known him. There was something that was bothering him and the model was determined to find out about it today.

What is troubling him so much? I have never seen him torn over something.

The very sight of Yoongi's troubled face unsettled Taehyung and he could feel his own anxiety building. However, he was someone who had a habit of pushing his own struggles aside to be there for a friend in need.

Did I do something?

Taehyung wasn't really sure because he had a way of fucking everything up. So he stayed silent, offering to do the dishes and giving some space to the other alpha. Once done he went to the dining room where Yoongi was still nursing his glass of whiskey.

"Do you need more time?" Taehyung asked. Maybe Yoongi just needed a listening ear, who wasn't Jin this time. "I know I can be impatient at times, but I can see this is bothering you a lot. You don't have to say it if you don't want to."

But Yoongi just stared at him for a long moment, once again lost in thoughts before he took a deep breath and stood. Taehyung tilted his head to the side, staring at him expectantly.

"No. That won't do." His voice carried exhaustion but also determination. Then the other alpha began to loosen his tie.

Taehyung sat back, whistling low when Yoongi dropped the tie haphazardly on the table and reached for his suit jacket. "Didn't realize I had a surprise," he gushed, eyes twinkling. His breath hitched at the unexpected turn of events. The mere sight of Yoongi's pale skin affected him more than it ever did. "Thought we were gonna have a weighted conversation." He chuckled.

However, Yoongi's solemn expression didn't change. The silence continued as he then unbuttoned the shirt, revealing a glimpse of his pale torso. Taehyung cleared his throat, heart beat picking up speed.

Suddenly it dawned on him that he hadn't seen Yoongi shirtless in a while. He always avoided going shirtless for a reason when they hung out. He also avoided getting into a pool even if Taehyung insisted when in the past that was never the issue.

Taehyung gulped absolutely not feeling ready for what was to come. Then slowly, but surely Yoongi slid one side of the shirt down and then the other. Taehyung swallowed, growing excited for some reason. They had kissed a few more times whenever they hung out but Yoongi always pulled back before the situation escalated.

Taehyung must admit he was growing addicted to those kisses and Yoongi's scent. He felt complete when he was with Yoongi. Strangely, he didn't feel the urge to sleep around unlike before. Somehow Yoongi fulfilled the constant feeling of lacking something. He couldn't explain how.

His greedy gaze trailed over his chest and arms, zeroing in on his neck. At first, he didn't notice it, too lost with the storm of emotions. Was Yoongi going to do it with him today? He swallowed and it was then something struck in his brain.

What's that?

Taehyung blinked while Yoongi stood unmoving. He stood with a frown, staring at it intently. A mark. A mating mark to be precise.

A growl rumbled in his chest and he closed the distance between them in one long stride. "Who marked you?!" he thundered. The thought of someone that close to Yoongi infuriated him. Without thinking twice, he grabbed Yoongi by his nape, bringing him close. "Who?!" he asked again. "That's..." His nostrils flared.

That scent...

Yoongi's usual citrus scent held a note of something more. Since it wasn't prominent, whoever marked him hasn't been close to him. Taehyung leaned closer to take in the scent and his resolve faltered when he smelled a hint of jasmine with undernotes of petrichor.

He blinked, stepping back as confusion clouded him. "H-How? What are you not telling me?"

Yoongi exhaled, his scent growing heavy with distress. "Jin hyung's bachelor party," he said. "You were intoxicated and your wolf..." he paused. "We danced together closely and then things just escalated."

Taehyung's heart sank, realization slowly dawning on him. Like a cold wave, it washed over him, making his heart heavy. His knees weakened and he staggered a few steps back.

"I've been in love with you forever and my wolf..." Yoongi swallowed. "I was too weak to stop and knock sense into you. For a moment, I wondered what it would feel like to be your mate and..." He couldn't finish it. His shoulders slumped.

Taehyung's knees gave out and he slid to the floor, feeling like he was struck by thunder. A sharp pain shot through his head. He couldn't remember a thing but he didn't doubt a single word came from Yoongi's mouth.

He had literally blacked out that night, waking up with little to no memory of whatever transpired that night. He didn't bother to know about it either because it was no big deal. Except, there were changes in his life. Changes that didn't make sense and changes he didn't understand.

Like the puzzle pieces falling in its place, everything came together and finally made sense. Suddenly he understood why Yoongi distanced himself from him after that night and the reason behind the animosity he radiated until Taehyung confessed he couldn't sleep around anymore.

He never understood why Yoongi cared who he slept with because it never mattered before. He understood now.

I marked him.

He's my mate.

This is why I couldn't get hard anymore. He was angry because I was his mate, talking about my sexual escapades in the group chat insensitively.

Tears began to trickle down his cheeks. His vision blurred and more tears filled his eyes. "I-It's me," he whispered.

I was such an insensitive asshole.

"Yeah, it was you," Yoongi confirmed in that same tone.

"Do others know?" he asked weakly.

Yoongi sighed. "You were appalled to even talk about an alpha and alpha relationship. I was afraid how you would react if you knew. And you had no clue about the incident and carried on like it never happened. So I requested others to not speak of it. Ever."

"They knew," Taehyung said weakly. All his friends knew but played dumb. He chuckled. It made sense why they did that.

He was really an asshole until Yoongi confessed. He never made it easy on anyone. Jimin and the others told him several times to tone it down but he never listened until Yoongi's indifference and occasional jabs began to hurt him.

"I made them promise me," Yoongi replied. "You can say they weren't happy, but your actions gave them no choice. They were bound by their word to me."

Taehyung averted his gaze. "I violated you." His shoulders slumped. The weight of his irresponsible actions was crushing him. "I marked you without your consent. I'm a monster." He covered his face, shoulders shaking with a violent sob. "I-I'm an animal."

"No, you're not. I didn't stop you." Yoongi sighed. "Taehyung, it's okay. Really."

"No! It's not okay." Taehyung shook his head violently. A frustrated and furious growl rippled off his chest. "I was all over you. I've seen a few photos and videos. I know how insistent I can be. I gave you no choice." His chest heaved. "I was irresponsible. I was an idiot."

"That's not true."

"I marked you without your explicit consent!" Taehyung growled. "How is that okay?! And I went on to hurt you with my actions for months after that. Oh, God!" He sat on the floor. "What have I done?" He continued to sob. "I was always careful with my friendships. I was always mindful of their feelings and never intentionally brought any hurt. But then I did the worst thing possible to you."

"Taehyung-ah..." Yoongi approached him but Taehyung scrambled back.

"Don't." He sobbed. "I'll never forgive myself for what I did." He couldn't meet Yoongi's gaze. Shame filled him and it was overwhelming. "There's no excuse for what I did."

His body shook with the force of his emotions. It felt like someone was ripping his heart from inside his chest. The guilt and shame ate away at him. It was too much to bear.

Suddenly, he stood on his knees, bending until his forehead touched the floor. Sob after sob raked his body. "I-I'm sorry," he cried. "I did the most unimaginable. I have no excuse to justify my actions."

A strong grip shook him and tried to lift him off the ground but Taehyung refused to move. It felt like there was a volcanic eruption in his mind and the burning hot lava poured down his entire body, disorienting him.

"I won't ask for forgiveness. I don't deserve it," he cried. "Punish me, however, you see fit. Fucking kill me because that's what I deserve."

He should hate me.

"Look at me," Yoongi growled, his scent shifting and pheromones bursting out in waves.

Taehyung refused again only for the alpha to grab his hair, tug at it and force him to look at him.

"You're panicking," he said in a stern voice. "I didn't reveal this to make you feel like shit. I was hoping to have a conversation like adults so we can both move on."

Taehyung shook his head, his entire being distraught with the knowledge of what he had done. "T-There's nothing to talk about."

"You wanted to know why I wasn't letting you have your way with me and this is why," Yoongi stated. "If you sleep with me, Taehyung, it'll seal the deal. There's no going back. I let you break me once but I won't let you do it again. If you don't want me, you better tell me right now and end my misery. Tell me you want out and I'll let you. Spare my dignity and self respect. I'm done beating around the bush."

Taehyung shook his head miserably. No, no, no. He can't do that. He'd rather spend the rest of his life begging for Yoongi's forgiveness than tell him something like that. But the shame and guilt immobilized him.

"Are you sorry for marking me or are you sorry for the way it happened?" Yoongi asked, nostrils flaring and eyes blazing.

Taehyung stared at his eyes, his wolf tucking its tail between his legs in the eyes of his mind. They were ashamed and he emitted it in his scent along with a lot of distress. He despised his actions. He despised himself at this very moment.

"I-I..."

"Answer me!" Yoongi thundered. He gripped Taehyung's chin, blunt nails digging into them. "Do you hate that you marked me, an alpha or do you hate the way this happened?" he rephrased the question. "I won't let you run away this time and ghost me again. I'm fucking tired of that! You better stay and face the consequences of your actions. Or I'll make you."

More pheromones burst out of him. Notes of lime, orange, pomelo, and bergamot wafted to him and it carried an undeniable spicy note of the alpha's anger and annoyance. Yoongi's lips peeled back to reveal his fangs and his claws extended, digging into Taehyung's cheeks.

Don't fuck this up!

Taehyung swallowed, feeling like a hostage to Yoongi's wolf that had him in a chokehold with those pheromones. He blinked, thoughts reeling but he really pondered about the situation. Even in his state of anger, he could sense Yoongi's desperation and saw the glimmer of hope behind all that momentary rage.

"I could have removed it surgically but I chose not to not because of how risky it was or how it could possibly kill me or leave me broken for the rest of my life, but because I'm in love with you. Once we started actually dating, I held onto the hope that someday you'll come to your senses and think about us more. So look into my eyes when you answer me, Taehyung. Because I won't ask you again."

The mark on Yoongi's neck looked old but to think that he left that there filled his mind with something and it's definitely not shame or regret. He took a moment to think amidst his turmoil. The storm in Yoongi's eyes and the underlying fear in his scent cleared his head a bit. Despite his strong facade he could feel the insecurity radiating off him.

Don't hurt him again.

"I regret my irresponsible behavior," he replied. "I despise the way it happened and how I have no memory of it. I...I'm very confused, angry and conflicted. And I'm very ashamed of my actions that night and everything I put you through in the aftermath. I'll never forgive myself for hurting you," he replied.

Yoongi regarded him for a long moment, his posture unwavering, eyes still holding the storm of his raging emotions. "Do you have second thoughts about us?" he asked. "I only need yes or no answers."

"No," Taehyung replied, swallowing again.

"Do you regret marking me?" There was that question again. Third time.

Taehyung shook his head, voice barely above a whisper, "N-No."

"Do you hate that I'm an alpha?"

This time he frowned. "What? No!"

"Do you feel trapped because now you know that you have marked me?"

Taehyung blinked, mouth falling open. "I-I didn't..."

"Yes or no?" his stern voice cut him off.

"N-No."

"Are you ashamed to have me as my mate?"

Taehyung huffed. "No matter how many times you ask, hyung, it's my own actions that I'm ashamed of," he growled. "It's not you. Marking someone is sacred."

He lifted a hand to trace the beautiful mark he didn't recollect. Yoongi visibly shuddered at his feather-like touch over the mark. A wolf's mark was sensitive to their mate's touch.

"It should have been a moment we both should cherish forever. I just...I didn't even ask." He shuddered. "The guilt and shame..." Some tears spilled and he sniffed. "It's too much." His voice cracked.

The storm in Yoongi's eyes lessened. "You didn't," he acknowledged. "But you did tell me how jealous you were."

"Huh?"

"Promise me you won't run from me again," Yoongi demanded instead of answering. "Promise me you won't leave me in despair."

The actor remembered how he always ran away without any explanation and disappeared for weeks before showing up like nothing happened. After Jin's wedding, he had a movie shoot in Hong Kong and didn't go home for almost three months.

That meant Yoongi had to process all this in his absence. Sudden realization struck him like lightning one more time. Yoongi's wolf must have taken that as a rejection. That caused a sharp pain to shoot through his chest.

Taehyung shook his head. "I-I won't." He took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. "I promise." He grabbed Yoongi's hand with both of his hands. "B-But I do need to run for a bit." He gulped. "Get drunk and cry on Jimin's couch. All that jazz." He offered an awkward grin. "T-That's how I process all my shit."

Yoongi narrowed his eyes. "Want me to pack a bag and drop you off? You can get home once you have had your jazz."

For some reason, heat rushed to Taehyung's cheeks. He cleared his throat and averted his gaze. "Just for a night."

"Okay."

"I-I need this. I'm barely holding myself together," he admitted. "My hands are shaking and I really need to get drunk and make a fool of myself."

"Okay." Yoongi released him but Taehyung remained unmoving in his spot.

Even when Yoongi went to his bedroom and came back with an overnight bag after a while, Taehyung didn't move. His thoughts raced and the sight of his bag shot another wave of panic through him.

His chest ached and he lifted a hand to rub the spot above his heart. What if Yoongi wasn't here when he came back? What if he took more than a few days? What if—

Another realization dawned that this turmoil wasn't his alone. The pain he was feeling, the confusion and conflicted emotions didn't just originate from him. Taehyung blinked.

Now that he knew he marked Yoongi, he sensed the deep presence that always went unnoticed. He should have been alerted when he sensed that shift in his heart, but he always brushed it aside because he had no recollection of what he did.

However, now, he could sense everything. The guilt and shame came from him, but the majority of all other emotions, including a deep sorrow came from Yoongi. Taehyung wasn't sad. He was guilty but not sad.

Yoongi looked defeated in a way he expected this to happen. I'm fucking this up again.

Shit. What if Yoongi's wolf was taking this as another rejection?

I'm a selfish asshole. Once again, I'm only thinking about myself.

He stared at Yoongi's mark and scrambled to his feet. The more he stared, he realized he couldn't leave Yoongi alone, but he didn't wish to stay here either. It felt too suffocating.

"Um...Wanna come with me?" he asked meekly. "Jimin's couch is pretty comfy." He bit his lip, wondering if he asked the right thing. Or maybe Yoongi needed Jin hyung as usual. But he didn't want to leave Yoongi alone. "And this is the only time he would allow me to freely raid his booze," he added. "You know he has some pretty good collections."

He was itching to tuck tail and run but trying his hardest to stay put. Taehyung shifted from one foot to the other. He can't hurt Yoongi again. But his wolf was going nuts inside him and his breathing grew erratic.

Yoongi stared at him, giving him that incredulous look. "Thought you needed some alone time without me."

"Um...about that." Taehyung scratched his head. "Listen, I don't have a script to follow through here. Just play with me while I try to do the right thing alright." His heart hammered in his chest. "I don't wanna run and leave you alone here. I realized that's all I've been doing. So wanna come?"

Yoongi just tilted his head to the side, staring at him with an unreadable expression.

"I have a schedule tomorrow afternoon," Taehyung rambled on. "We can um...have late brunch and you can drop me off?" He scratched his head again. "Probably..."

What am I doing?

"Okay." Yoongi grabbed his jacket.

That was all Taehyung needed to hear. He ran out of his apartment like a bat out of hell, screaming internally and locked himself in the elevator, not even waiting for Yoongi. He pulled his phone out, calling the first number that came to his mind.

***

That's it for today. See ya next week. 

I'm faring well. My meds are helping me. At least I don't feel as hopeless and overwhelmed like before. Hope you're all doing well.