The day Chuuya and Dazai first said they loved each other was the day before it happened.

They were sitting together in silence because they just had a bit of a...huge fight. They yelled at each other until neither could say anything else. They sat side by side on a couch and didn't say anything or look at each other for about five minutes. Then they turned to look at each other. They both mumbled "Sorry," to one another, which for them was pretty big. They then stared at each other for a while longer, then they hugged. Something they had not done very many times. The moment was so warm and intimate, the words, "I love you, Osamu," slipped from Chuuya's lips. After a minute he said, "Shit," and scooted away. He was expecting Dazai to make fun of him or call him crazy or say something rude. Instead he stared at Chuuya and said, "No, what did you say just now? Repeat it."

Chuuya said he didn't want to.

Dazai told him to repeat it again, this time more firm than the last time.

Chuuya sighed. "Fine," he said, "I said, 'I love you, Dazai.'"

"You do?" Dazai asked.

"Yeah. I'm a big idiot, aren't I?"

Dazai answered that by leaning in and giving Chuuya a kiss.

Chuuya felt his face turn redder than his hair. He lightly poked at his lip and asked, "Wh-what the hell'd you do that for?"

Dazai gave Chuuya a rare smile and said, "You really are an idiot."

Chuuya sighed again and stood up. "Way to ruin the moment, mackerel," he groaned.

"No, seriously," Dazai began, "did you, in all seriousness, think your feelings were unrequited?"

"They're not?"

"Of course not."

Chuuya sat back down on the couch.

"Chuuya," Dazai said, "after all I've been through, after how corrupted I've become, I didn't think I was capable of feeling any positive emotion. But if it weren't for you, I would've killed myself long ago. You've changed me for the better. Did you really think I wouldn't love you?"

"I didn't," Chuuya admitted. "You never struck me as the kind of person who'd love me. And after all I've been through, I didn't think I would ever BE loved. Guess we're both idiots."

They embraced again. This felt so out-of-character for the two of them. Intimacy. P.D.A. Kind words. They felt more like partners in crime than friends. But apparently they both felt more.

Dazai felt horrible. Horrible that all this had to happen now. Horrible that he told Chuuya these things. Horrible that it was going to come off as meaning nothing to him.

He waited for Chuuya to fall asleep. He dozed off on Dazai's shoulder, which made him feel even worse. But he had to do what he had to do.

He slowly and carefully got up from the couch and planted a soft, gentle kiss on Chuuya's forehead. He took off his mafia coat and draped it over Chuuya.

It was incredibly hard to not succumb to the urge to cry.

"I'm sorry, Chuuya," Dazai said as he closed the door.

~

Chuuya woke up in the morning, alone. He did not expect Dazai to not be there.

He tries sitting up, but felt something heavy on his back. He turned his head back as far as it could go.

Dazai's jacket? How curious.

Chuuya wrapped it around himself. It was warm, and it smelled like Dazai. He liked that.
He picked up his phone to message Dazai.

"Where are you?" he typed.

THIS MESSAGE WAS NOT ABLE TO SEND.

Curiouser and curiouser.

"Dazai."

THIS MESSAGE WAS NOT ABLE TO SEND.

"Shitty Dazai."

THIS MESSAGE WAS NOT ABLE TO SEND.

"Where the fuck are you Dazai"

THIS MESSAGE WAS NOT ABLE TO SEND.

Throughout the day, Chuuya continued to try to contact Dazai. But every time he received the same error message.

In the evening, he found a more attached to his door. The fact he didn't notice it earlier was lost on him.

"I'm sorry, Chuuya," it said.

Dazai's handwriting.

Even more curious.

The only conclusion Chuuya could make: Dazai was gone. He left.

And the day after they confessed their love for one another.

How despicable.

From that day on, Chuuya was so upset and hurt by his partner leaving him, he tried spending every day trying to get over him.
But he never could. Not even after they met again four years later.

All of those feelings resurfaced. They fueled Chuuya's fire of anger.

He still loves Dazai. He always would. But he would always be the one who ran out on him and joined the A.D.A.

Any apology would not suffice. Even after they rekindled their feelings and would spend nights at each other's flats, talking and bickering like they used to, Chuuya still clung to the fear that Dazai would leave him again some day.

But he knew it wouldn't happen.

Because he swore, this time, he would never let him go. He loved him too much to lose him again.