#46: Let Me Love You

"Mm, say my name again, Chuuya…"

The brunette pressed his lips against the other man's in a chaste kiss, holding him close. The shorter man complies, still in the kiss.

"Dazai…"

"No, no."

Dazai pulls back, tapping their foreheads together, and leaving a fingertip lightly pressed against the other man's bottom lip, putting a small amount of pressure on it, enough for the redhead to want nothing but to grab Dazai's shirt collar and pull him in and kiss him senseless.

A taunting and seemingly equally soft smile spreads on the taller man's face.

"My given name. Call me by that."

There was no "please," but the tone indicated it. It was soft and tender, apropos to the moment they share at this moment.

Chuuya buries his face into the crook of Dazai's neck, lightly squeezing his arm. He plants a kiss there, then lifts his head until he's not concealed.

"Osamu."

Dazai feels his heart wrench. He knew it was coming. But it still felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

He never allowed anyone to say his given name prior. Not even…

The taller man moves his partner so he can look into his eyes, their faces barely a centimeter apart.

"Say it again."

Chuuya almost feels the lip movements.

"Osamu."

That heart wrench again. Dazai could not believe the effect that the petit redhead had on him.

"Again."

Chuuya smirks, making sure to emphasize each syllable, in a hush tone, pressing his torso against Dazai's.

"O~sa~mu~"

Dazai's tone is dry.

"Again."

Chuuya closes his eyes, the taunting smirk not leaving his face.

"Osa--mmph!"

The redhead is interrupted by his partner pressing their lips together once more.

Slightly frazzled, he kisses back, holding Dazai close, as if he'd disintegrate any moment.

"Sit up."

His tone is beckoning.

How could anyone refuse?

Dazai complies, sitting up from the bed, the shorter man then using the opportunity to sit up himself and climb into the brunette's lap.

"Beautiful."

The word forms upon Chuuya's tongue as perfectly as his own name.

"You look beautiful, Osamu."

Without giving any reaction time, the shorter man kisses him again. As he feels arms wrap around him and hold him close, he puts a hand on the back of Dazai's head, running his fingers through his chocolate brown hair. He moves his mouth and softly bites down on the taller man's bottom lip, a groan sounding from him. Chuuya feels a smirk form upon his face.

He releases his teeth from Dazai's lip and kisses him softer.

"Chuuya…"

Dazai's voice is so soft it's hardly recognizable.

"Chuuya, I…"

Chuuya holds the man tighter, his lips moving down to pepper kisses on his neck.

"Chuuya, I think I...no, I...I lo--"

"Stop."

Dazai instinctively pulls back, Chuuya's lips slipping from his bandaged skin.

"What?"

Chuuya's previous pleasured smirk is painted over with a look of annoyance.

"Don't go telling me you love me when you don't mean it."

Dazai stares at him. "But I do mean it."

Chuuya sneers, scooting backward, away from the brunette. "Oh, please. This is just another fling for you. You probably say those three words to everyone you kiss and then your only remnant of being there is an indent on one side of the bed."

"I don't. I don't throw around those words."

"I have no reason to buy that, Dazai."

Dazai.

"Osamu" was gone. In the past.

"It's different this time."

Chuuya laughs mockingly.

"Yeah, sure. You gotta change a few words since I'm a man. Real different. You move me."

"Chuuya--"

"No."

Chuuya stands up from the bed, turning so his back was facing Dazai.

"Chuuya, please just let me finish."

"I have no reason to."

"Please, Chuuya."

Dazai had never begged before.

Nobody had ever not given him what he wanted before.

Something about hearing such a pleading "Please" was amusing to Chuuya. He feels a smirk spread on his face.

"Ask nicely, and maybe I will."

Dazai inhales.

"Please?"

It was like honey in Chuuya's ears.

He turns around and meets Dazai's disdainful gaze.

"Go on."

Dazai closes his eyes. He never shared his feelings so vividly before. Not seeing Chuuya makes it easier.

"Holding your hand in mine makes my fingertips swell with warmth and spread to my heart. When I hold you in my arms, I never want to let go. When we kiss, my heart feels like it will fly. Falling asleep beside you makes me feel safe. Waking up beside you makes me happy. Being in your presence...makes me think that, maybe living isn't so bad after all. The thought of anyone but me having you, getting to hold you close, getting to see you at your most vulnerable, makes me...furious. And anyone who makes me furious, their life is as good as gone. I'd never felt this way about anyone before, Chuuya. And I never had let anyone call me 'Osamu.' I love you, Chuuya. I really, really love you. You're everything to me. You're not 'just a fling.' You're my partner."

Chuuya trembles. He wants to yell at the taller man. He wants to tell him he's lying. He wants to storm out.

Except he doesn't. He knows he isn't lying.

It just feels so unbelievable.

Chuuya's knees meet the ground without him knowing. His heart was pounding too much for him to stay standing.

Dazai lies down on the bed to have his eyes level with the redhead. He rests his chin on his hands and looks at him longingly. Somehow, all the pain that was previously on his face was gone.

"I love you, Chuuya."

He puts a hand under Chuuya's chin and wipes his eye.

"Don't cry, Chuuya."

Chuuya trembles more.

"You...really...love me?"

He barely musters his words.

Dazai kisses the tear trickling down the redhead's cheek.

"More than anything."

He closes his eyes and presses their foreheads together.

"I love you."

Chuuya feels more tears stream from his eyes.

"S-say it again, Osamu."

Dazai smiles gently.

"I love you."

"Again."

"I…"

He points at himself.

"Love…"

He makes a heart shape with his hands.

"You."

He places a finger against Chuuya's cheek, warranting a gentle laugh from the shorter man.

"Again."

"I love you."

And Chuuya kisses him again. More soft and tender than ever before.

"Oh, Osamu...I love you, too."

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