Clark Kent - Suicidal

Bob Rickman was not going to let Clark Kent ruin him by exposing his secret. "Clark Kent. You're not going to ruin me." His hand snaked out and grabbed hold of Clark's.

The man didn't hesitate to do his thing and said, "Now, why don't you listen to me for a minute?" Clark froze but went pale, bending over a little and bringing his other hand up to his stomach. "Are you sick, Clark?" Rickman said, his hand still firmly griping Clark's. "I think you are. I think you're very sick. I think your sickness is in your head. I think you don't want to live anymore." Rickman looked Clark in the eyes the entire time, and Clark was nodding along. "I think you want to die." Rickman let go of Clark's hand and walked away.

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Clark stood in the window of the barn loft, both doors open as he teetered on the edge. He stared at the ground below.

"Clark! Clark, where are you?" Lana walked into the barn, trying to find him. She wanted to fix their friendship, she wanted to apologize and she wanted to see if he would apologize as well. "Clark?" She called out again, climbing the stairs to the loft where he usually was.

She got high enough to see him standing at the edge of the barn and looking down. "Clark!" She cried and rushed up the rest of the stairs, running to his side. "Clark?" She said quietly, gently reaching out a hand and placing it in his shoulder. He turned and looked at her. She stifled a gasp at the look in his eyes, it was so sad. "Clark?" She said his name again, even quieter. "What are you doing?" She was looking up at his crystalline blue eyes and the look of fractured glass in them was cracking her heart.

"Lana," he choked up. "I can't do this anymore." His voice barely a whisper, Lana stared in shock as his beautiful blue eyes filled with tears.

"Clark, don't cry. What's wrong? Please, we can get through this. I'll help you. I'll get someone to help you if you don't want me. Just-just please, Clark, don't do this. I can't lose you." Lana teared up herself, Clark couldn't be doing this. It wasn't like him. This must all be a bad dream and soon enough she would wake up back in her bed and this will have never actually happened.

"Lana, there's nothing I can do! Look!" He turned swiftly and grabbed a pocket knife from a table nearby. He opened it and raised it over his other hand.

"Clark, what are you doing!" Lana cried out in alarm, moving to stop him. But she wasn't fast enough and he brought the blade down on his palm.

And... It shattered. The knife broke into small pieces, unable to penetrate his skin. Lana gasped and a hand flew up to cover her mouth. "Lana, I can't get hurt. I've been shot at, and the bullets leave only bruises. I've fallen from heights more than this, and only gotten sore. I've had a generator dropped on me and the only thing that got hurt was it. I can move so fast, that all you see is a blur, I can lift my truck off the ground with one hand, rip open steel doors, see through walls with x-ray vision. I fell to earth in a spaceship with the meteor shower that milled your parents! I a fucking alien, Lana! I'm not normal and I can't take it anymore! I don't want to live like this!" He broke down and cried. Lana stared at him in shock. When he sank to the floor, she followed him down, sitting beside him and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "I always act weird around you, I'm sure you've noticed. It's your necklace. The only thing that's been able to hurt me is meteor rock, I always feel sick and weak around it. The time that Eric (Erick? Erik?) Got his powers? Those were mine. The lightning strike, it passed through me, through a meteor rock he had been holding, and into him. It transferred my powers to him and I became normal. I would have learned to live with being normal, I loved being normal, but then he wasn't using them right. He was using then to hurt people, I couldn't let him do it any longer. I had to stop him. So I used electricity and your necklace to get my powers back. But- Lana, I just can't do this anymore! I'm always lying to everyone, unable to tell them what I'm really doing, where I really was, why I really can't do something. I run around town saving everyone I can because what else am I supposed to do with these powers? But it's too much! You told me when I lost my powers that I was different, that it didn't look like I was holding the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore, and then it came back. Well, I want it to go away. Lana, make it go away." He pleaded and looked at her with shattered crystal eyes filled with tears and Lana wanted to burst out sobbing right there.

Clark was so vulnerable, and sad, and broken, not to even mention what he had just told her about having powers. "Why don't you come with me, Clark, and we'll go back to the house and we can talk with your mom and dad?" Lana said gently. Clark shook his head sharply.

"No! No, we can't! It'll hurt them! I just don't want anyone to get hurt! I don't want to hurt anyone..." Clark's eyes fell shut and he brought his hands up to his face to sob into them. Lana was in unknown territory, she had no clue what to do. She didn't know how to calm him down and the fact that it was Clark, someone she had always viewed at strong and unbreakable, the fact that he was falling apart before her eyes only made it harder.

"O-okay. Okay. We won't do that. How about I call Chloe or Pete?" Lana said quietly. Clark only continued to cry. Lana placed a hand on his shoulder and looked around desperately. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to go get help, but she didn't want to leave him alone.

What hell should I do? Lana thought, panicked. I'll just stay here with him. I'll comfort him any way I can.

Lana leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Clark's shoulders, giving him a tight hug. After a moment, she felt him pull his hands from his face and rest his head completely on her shoulder and his arms snaked around her to hug her back. She held him as his tears soaked her shirt.

"Clark," she whispered in his ear. "Clark, you are so special. Even before I knew about your powers, I knew that. Everyone who meets you knows that you're special. And your friends and family, we all love you. None of us would hurt you or hate you, our minds wouod change about you if you told us your secret. You can tell us, and then you won't have to hide anymore. Clark, everything will be alright. You won't hurt anyone either. You're so kind, and sweet, and loving. You have such a profound sense of right and wrong, you wouldn't ever hurt anyone. And I have feeling that you trust us to stop you if you ever try. Clark, please. We all need you." Lana started to gently run her fingers through his hair. "Clark, you mean so much to so many people. You mean so much to me. I love you. I need you. You're always there for me even if I don't know it, I realize that now. Let me be here for you now."

Clark pulled his head from her shoulder and his arms from around her to wipe his eyes. He sniffled and grabbed her small hand gently in both of his large ones, swallowing hers. "I love you too, Lana. That's why I have to do this. I'm sorry."

"Clark, wait!" Lana cried. But she blinked and he was gone. "Clark!"

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Clark stopped at the graveyard, Lana's shout ringing in his ears. He knelt in front of her parents' graves. "I'm sorry." He whispered. He seemed to be saying that a lot tonight. He stood up and pulled the lead box from his pocket, frowning as he stared at it.

Did he really want to do this? He didn't want to hurt anyone, but if what Lana said was true, then wouldn't leaving like this hurt everyone he loved anyway? That thought left his mind almost immediately. It might hurt them for a while, but they'll move on. It's more of a risk for me to stay alive. I could bring more pain to them that way then if I left. I'm protecting them. They'll move on. It's better this way. Clark threw away any doubts or reservations and ran back to the farm, speeding into the cellar.

He glared at his ship. This is all your fault. He thought. If you hadn't sent me here, none of this would be happening. If you had just let me die on that planet with the rest of you all of their lives would be better for it. Clark opened the box and immediatly the green glow of the meteor rock bathed his face as she doubled over, a gasp escaping his lips.

He pulled the rock from the case and staggered on his feet, feeling sick. His fingers spasmed around the rock and it fell from his hand, a small piece cracking off when it hit the ground. He fell to his knees and picked the sliver up with quaking fingers. He brought it to his chest and shoved it in with all the force he could muster in its presence, meaning just enough to sink it into his skin. He collapsed to the ground, green light still bathing the cellar, as the poisoning seeped into his heart, stilling it.

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Lana jumped to her feet after Clark dissapeared and sprinted toward the farm house, screaming for his parents. "MR. AND MRS. KENT! MR. AND MRS. KENT!" She was throwing open the gate when Martha opened the door and stepped outside.

"Lana? Honey, what's wrong?" Lana threw herself up the steps and fell to her knees at Martha's feet. "Lana?" Mrs. Kent's voice was filled worry.

Tears slipped down Lana's face as she tried to form words. "C-Clark- Clark is going to- Clark is trying to- Clark wants to-" she took deep, shuddering breathes as she tried to get the words out if her mouth. But she couldn't bring herself to say them. Martha knelt down in front of the poor girl, placing a hand on her shoulder as her kind face creased with worry and fear.

"Clark what, honey?" She prompted gently.

"Clark's trying to kill himself!" Lana finally managed to get out, the words falling from her lips like poison. Martha gasped and her hand flew to her mouth.

"We have to find him!" She said, standing up and taking off running, Lana following.

"B-but he can move so fast, he could be anywhere!" Lana sobbed. Martha turned. "H-he told me about his powers, he told me that he was an alien. But it doesn't matter to me. We just have to save him!" Martha grabbed Lana's hand and squeezed it tightly.