⚠️ Spoiler Warning: Do not read this one-shot unless you have reached Chapter 78 of Twisted Moon. There might be spoilers, and you might lack context details to understand this one-shot.

Background: This occurs the same weekend as the bonus chapter of I Was Shooting For The Moon, I Hit Two Stars. For old readers, it was mentioned that Joshua had taken Liam to California for the weekend, but I have changed the location to the wooden cabin he owns in Michigan, the one where he escaped at the beginning of I Would Give Him The Moon after he had kissed Liam in the elevator. Also, this is just after Noah was released from hospital. If you remember, Jeremy is still missing, and Liam just visited Noah who ignored him, pretending to sleep. More than a one-shot, it'll give you a whole insight on Joshua's and Liam's state of mind at this period.

(Joshua's POV – Thursday 30 July 2015)

My heart is aching.

My heart is bleeding.

I just hate seeing my love's tears streaking his cheeks as he's staring in emptiness, sitting in an armchair in front of the fireplace, wrapped in a polar fleece rug. I hate the dizziness he's in. I hate the sadness in his baby blues. I hate being unable to cheer him up the slightest bit.

The last month has been a total nightmare. July started beautifully while we were in Paris for our vacation, where I eventually gathered the courage to propose to Liam. The best was that he accepted to become my husband, and we were eager to return home and celebrate with all our friends. Sadly, ever since we landed a foot back on the American continent, things have been going further and further down the gutter.

First, there was Noah missing, obviously abducted, and despite all the efforts we all put into the investigations, it wasn't until that little motherfucker of Chris revealed where Noah was held before committing suicide that we found the poor boy. Yes, that little motherfucker of Chris. I'm not among the ones who are going to shed tears for him. Sorry – not sorry. He knew that abusive things were going on, he let them happen for months, and as if not reporting these things wasn't enough, he even participated into the torture, so I certainly won't feel any pity for him.

Things could have gone better once Noah was rescued, but despite the relief of seeing him safe, fate decided to make things worse when we learned that the long-missed Jeremy was there too, and that unfortunately, his captor managed to escape with him. Once we knew Andrei was involved in Noah's kidnapping, everything became clear, but it was still a shock to learn Jeremy endured this hell for sixteen fucking months and that he was so close all this time.

Not knowing where he is now is making us all sick to our stomachs, even if all efforts are made to find him. Even if our pain is nothing compared to what Gary is feeling. Even if we will never hurt as much as what Jeremy still endures. Thinking about those who are directly touched doesn't prevent us from aching too – at our own level – and I wish we could just do more.

So, of course, Liam has been deeply affected by all this drama. His own hell of sorrow and guilt may be not much next to Noah's or Jeremy's, but he is the one I love, so seeing him suffer can't sit well with me. You just don't want to see the love of your life in pain, however intense this pain is, be it physical or mental. I'm giving him the best support I am capable of, through words of comfort, through endless hugs and cuddles, but try as I may, nothing seems to work and I'm getting frustrated with my uselessness.

I'd just like to stop these tears running down his face.

I'd just like to make him feel better.

I'd just like to see the shadow of a smile on his lips.

Yet, all I can see are more tears spilling from these beautiful blue orbs; my lover feeling worse and worse each day; and no matter what I try, the corners of his lips won't lift.

Tonight, on our way back from the office, we stopped by Camden's place – with my friend's approval of course – so that Liam could see Noah. There were several purposes to this visit. Of course, one was aimed at pleasing Liam because he has been missing the cute Baby Boy. He has been begging me to do so ever since we saw him at the hospital, but the poor boy has been in such a deep state of depression that Camden has preferred to wait a little bit before having friends over. It was also a way to protect Liam – or Shannon and Alex for that matter – knowing that Noah might not react very well.

Cam is really trying his best, struggling to heal his Baby from the terrible experience he went through, but Noah hasn't been very receptive to his Daddy's attempts so far. He agreed to Liam's visit though, hoping that a friend's presence might help a little, trigger the beginning of a reaction, but unfortunately, it seems like it only yielded opposite effects.

Noah didn't react to Liam's presence, and we can't be sure if the boy was really asleep or if he pretended. Liam poured his heart out, told him how he was missing his little brother and how much he would love to help him feel better, but Noah remained deaf to Liam's comforting words. The rejection obviously hurt him deeply, and when he came back downstairs, where Cam and I had stayed to give him privacy, Liam threw himself at me, breaking into heavy sobs.

It didn't help Camden's guilt and it took me quite a few minutes to reassure him after Liam had calmed down. He kept apologizing for Noah's attitude, and I can tell how it's playing on his nerves, but I managed to soothe his worries about Liam. We gave it a try, it failed, but I'm sure my friend will eventually find the trigger to his boy's healing.

Meanwhile, I need to alleviate my own love's sorrow after this new disappointment, but I'm at a loss for ideas. He barely touched his meal again tonight and I'm expecting another painful night.

I've just finished cleaning up the kitchen when I go to meet Liam in the living room. Despite the warm temperatures outside, he felt cold when we got back home and asked if I could make a fire in the fireplace. This is certainly the result of his exhaustion and all the stress because it's definitely not cold in the house, but I'd do just anything to please him. I find him numb, rolled in the rug and weeping, and it just breaks my heart.

"Come here, Baby..." I whisper in a hoarse voice, pulling him up to his feet and wrapping him into a tight hug.

Poor sweet love is shivering and sobbing against my chest, unloading some of his sorrow through his tears. I wonder how he can still have any after all the ones he has cried since that awful July 6th, but it seems like he has endless stocks of them.

I eventually decide to drag him upstairs and lead him to our bedroom where I make him sit on the bed while I run a warm bath for us, hoping it will help him to relax a bit. When I take him to the bathroom and undress him, I realize that his body is extremely stiff and I wish I had Camden's skills to unknot tensions in muscles, but I'm not that perfect. Once in the bath, with Liam sitting between my legs, I still try to massage some of the stress away in his neck, his shoulders and his back, and even if it's not as benefic as what my osteopath of a friend would have achieved, Liam loosens up a little bit all the same.

"Are you feeling a bit better, Baby?" I ask softly, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, but I only get a hum for an answer. "What can I do to make you feel better, Baby? I just hate seeing you suffer like this..." I beg, my voice breaking against my will.

"I'm sorry, Josh... You already do so much..." he replies with pain in his voice as he shifts around to cuddle against me. "I'm so sorry... I hate myself for being so useless to you at the moment... I don't want you to worry..."

"Shhhh, stop this, Liam," I whisper, tightening my hold around him. "Of course, I'm worrying. It's painful to see you like this, and I'd just like to support you even more..."

"But you're already great, you're doing all you can, and I swear I appreciate everything you do... The problem is just me and... my guilt..."

"Your guilt? What are you talking about, Baby?" I ask, a bit dumbfounded by his words.

"Forget it..."

"Nope, I won't. Tell me about it, Baby. I need to know."

"But you might end up detesting me as much as I detest myself..."

"Liam! I forbid you to say anything like this," I cut him firmly. "I love you. I love you with all your flaws, in the same manner you love me with mine, and there's nothing that would break this love, so please, tell me what is wrong exactly."

Liam snuggles even further against my body, nesting his face in the crook of my neck, and my right hand reaches for his head as an appeasing gesture.

"I'm such a detestable person..." he murmurs, but he doesn't give me time to contradict him, finally pouring his heart out. "I've come to realize how much of a bad friend I am. First there was Shannon... I've hidden so many things to him for so long, when he was always honest to me and..."

"Liam, I thought we had already covered the Shannon-topic..." I try to reason him.

"I know, and I had my reasons for not telling him about the lifestyle I had entered. I was scared he might judge me and now that he relishes into it, I know how silly it was. It's better late than never, but still, I was completely stupid... And then I hid what happened to me last year, and the existence of Jeremy..."

"Babe, you only sought to protect him at the time. It's true that you could have told him sooner, but you did and he forgave you, so stop working yourself up about this. Shannon would hate that you make yourself sick for him..." I argue, knowing I have a point here.

"You'd better not tell him or Mark, then..." he grumbles.

"I won't if you stop brooding over this... but I have a feeling it's not all, so tell me more," I encourage him.

"Then there's Noah..." he trails off.

"What with Noah? Is it because he didn't acknowledge your presence earlier?" I ask cautiously.

"I... I just wish I could help him... I feel... I feel like everything is so unfair and that I should be able to help. Noah already had such a sad childhood, then it only got worse during his adolescence, he was a homeless teenager, he had to struggle so much in life already..."

"But he's got Camden now..."

"I know, but... What he went through, that's just so unfair!"

"What does it have to do with you, Baby? You're not responsible for what happened."

"I'm not saying this, but... It's just not fair that someone who already suffered so badly in his past had to endure this hell, just when his life seemed to get better."

"Okay, I get your point, but are you saying it would have been fairer if that motherfucker of Andrei had kidnapped you instead of him?" I ask, and Liam just shrugs his shoulders in answer. "You see, I think you're wrong, Liam. I'm certainly not minimizing what Noah endured or the severity of his state of mind at the moment, but I believe someone like Noah, who is a deep masochist and much stronger than you'd think, will pull through much more easily than someone like you.

"It may not be the case for now, because Noah is still in the aftermath of what happened, and we still don't really know how affected he is, but I'm certain he'll make it alright. He's a strong buddy, and with Cam's help, he'll get over things in maybe a few weeks or months, where it would have taken you months or years. I'm not saying it was better for Noah to be abducted than you, I actually wish none of that had happened, but the result might have been different with you. I don't think it's going to ease your guilt either, Liam, but you shouldn't feel responsible for this..."

"You're right, but still I feel so useless..."

"Everybody does, Baby. Even Camden does. I think Noah just need a bit of time to express his feelings, and once we know what affects him the most, and what he needs the most, then things will go easier. And when he gets there, he's going to need you and I'm sure you'll be able to show him how helpful you can be. You, Shannon, Alex, and all of us. In the meantime, let's be patient..."

"And what about Jeremy?" Liam adds a few seconds later, bursting into sobs. "He's still missing and... I hate myself so much for having thought a bit less about him recently... I never believed that story in the letter, and I knew something bad had happened to him, but all the same, he was less in my thoughts over the last few months, and that's unforgivable now that we know he's been in this hell for so long..."

"Shhhh, it's okay, Baby..." I try to soothe him as his body shakes within my hold.

I don't know what to tell him here. The fact is that we're all feeling the same guilt about Jeremy, more or less. The investigation has never stopped ever since he disappeared, and he never completely left our thoughts, but sadly, when you are not directly concerned by a missing person – and by this I mean being this person's lover, parents, or children – life goes on a bit faster. Of course, you never forget these missing people, because they were friends or relatives, but life can't stop forever. You need to move on, and continue to live, tend to the other people you love, accept their love too, and this is just what happened.

This is the sad reality of life.

Liam and I just continued to live. We went through a rough patch between our break-up and then Liam's short abduction. We moved in together. There was work, college. There were all our other friends as well. It doesn't mean we forgot about Jeremy, but now that we know what happened exactly during this year and a half, guilt is eating us because we enjoyed life while he endured hell.

And this is what makes things complicated, because even I don't know how to deal with it.

As much as I try to assuage Liam's pain with this reasoning, it seems like none of my arguments convinces him, but I can't blame him, because I don't even trust myself either. Whatever I say, the result is the same: Jeremy was in hell while we were in heaven.

"I just wish he could be with us... with Gary..." Liam sighs after a while.

"We all wish the same, Baby. I just hope this is going to end soon."

"Please, just promise you'll never stop the investigation going on. Not until Jeremy is found."

"Of course, Liam. Tony is on it, and he keeps pushing the private detective and the police for better results. You know he's doing his best..."

"Yes, I know. I'm sorry for being so gloomy..."

"Don't worry about that, Baby. I know it's been a lot of stress for you..."

"And yet, it's nothing... I'm with the man I love at least, and not the..."

"Don't go there, Liam. Don't go there..." I whisper, holding him tightly.

That night, Liam's sleep is agitated again, and he wakes up several times either sobbing or screaming, which is probably the consequence of all these confessions he made. I don't get much sleep either, and the following morning, Liz is the one who brings me the beginning of a solution. As usual.

I let Liam sleep as long as I could before it was time to go to work, so I'm waiting for him in the kitchen while he gets ready upstairs after we had breakfast together, with Liz and Tony actually.

"You look awful, Joshua," Liz states.

"Thank you for the compliment..."

"You know what I mean..."

"Yeah, I do, but the night was a bit tough, that's it."

"That's not it, Joshua," Tony intervenes. "You're worrying yourself sick for Liam, it's not good."

"And what am I supposed to do? I hate seeing him suffer like he does, and I hate being so useless!" I grumble, sighing in exasperation.

"You two need a weekend away from here. It'll only be a temporary bandage, but you need this. You two need to reconnect," Liz says softly, and that's when it hits me.

Liz is right, as always. Even if it's only for a couple of days, Liam and I need to get away from here and be on our own. And I know the perfect place for this reconnection. It will only take a few phone calls to have the chalet ready, which Ally will gladly organize as she also hates seeing Liam like this. I'll drive the Sedan this morning with Liam, while Liz offers to pack up what we'll need, and Tony will stay behind and drive the SUV a bit later. We'll just have to swap cars tonight.

Seems like a perfect plan. Seems like I might be able to soothe some of my love's worries.

All I know is that I will provide him with all the love and affection he needs.

***

"Do you have plans for this weekend, Liam?" Ally asks once we are alone in the coffee room.

"No, I don't think so... I guess Josh will spend most of it in his study to catch up on work anyway. Maybe we could organize a brunch on Sunday? I haven't seen Sun in quite a few weeks..." I suggest, thinking that the little blond-haired toddler could also take away my gloom for a few hours.

The last month has been so painful, psychologically speaking, and despite all of Joshua's efforts to lift my spirits, I am in this permanent state of dullness, filled with guilt for all my friends and my behaviors of the past. I have been such a poor friend to all the ones I am supposed to love and cherish that the last events have been a huge slap in my face.

Of course, Shannon has forgiven me already, and it only proves how much of a great friend he is next to me. I swore to myself I would never ever lie to him again – or to anyone for that matter, at least not for anything as serious as a lifestyle or a kidnapping. But then there are Jeremy and Noah... I hope they will both end up letting me support them and bring them some of the comfort they need in one way or another, because I just hate feeling so useless. None of them deserved what they endured, and I'm not saying that I did, but it all feels so unfair.

Unfortunately, things are not going too well so far with Noah, and when I visited him yesterday, he ignored my presence. I'm certain he wasn't sleeping, and although I tried to tell him how much he means to me, there was no reaction. I'm not blaming him at all, I totally understand the state of mind he is in right now, but it hurts to see him clam up and ache like he does, without accepting Master Camden's support or his friends'. It hurts to feel you just can't find the words to soothe someone you truly care for.

"Aww... It would be great indeed! I need to double check with Alec if we have plans or not, but I'll give you a call tomorrow morning and let you know!" Ally cheers. "I'm sure Sun could bring a bit of light!"

Her pun brings a faint smile to my lips, but it's mostly because I can already imagine myself playing with the little boy. Funnily enough, I have grown fond of kids between Allan and Amely's little Tom and then Ally and Alec's cute Sun. I just love playing with them and I must say, they seem to enjoy the time they spend with me too. These moments are always full of cuddles and playful chases around the house.

Of course, it's way too early to consider starting a family with Joshua, because I want to finish my studies first and see how my professional career will go on, but when the time comes, I would really like to fill this house with the joyfulness of children. This leaves us plenty of time to see what options we have, although I think both Joshua and I would like to go through surrogacy.

But this is not for now, and I have other worries to deal with at present. After a bit more talking with Ally, I return to my desk which is now among the other architects and designers, and try to focus on the plans I am drawing. Reconciling studies and work is a great opportunity I have been given because the job allows me to practice on what I learn in college. Once again, it brings me back to Noah, though. I hope he will have recovered sufficiently by September to start college as planned... I can't wait to share more moments with the boy I consider as my own little brother since we'll be in the same school.

At 5pm, I gather all my stuff and wish my colleagues a nice weekend before I head out. Earlier this morning, I received a text from Joshua saying we'd leave the office at that time, and as per his request, I take the elevator to meet him directly in the underground parking. I find him there, standing by the SUV, which makes me frown since we took the Sedan this morning to drive to the office.

"Hey, Baby," he whispers as he leans down to peck my lips and grabs my messenger bag.

Only a year ago, I would have freaked out for such display of affection at our workplace, but now I don't give a damn about it and don't even bother to look if there are other employees of the company around. As often, Joshua was right, and the little gossips about the CEO and his former PA trainee didn't last long. There were a few side-glances and hushed conversations in the beginning, but nothing too bad, and people quickly realized that I wouldn't get any preferential treatment for being the big boss's lover. My salary is not above the other designers' – it's actually much lower since I'm only a trainee – and I don't get a private office for more comfort, I'm just among my other co-workers.

"How was your day?" Joshua asks as he puts my bag in the trunk, and that's when I notice more luggage in there.

"Good... What's all this for?" I ask curiously, feeling suddenly overwhelmed by all the fondness mixed with concern on his face.

"We're going away for the weekend," he just says, cupping my face with tenderness and leaning down once again to attach his lips to mine.

Before I can say anything, Joshua then leads me to the passenger seat and hastily walks around the car to settle behind the steering wheel. Briefly kissing my hand and flashing me a bright smile, he quickly starts the car, drives out of the building and easily mingles in the traffic.

"Before you ask, we're going to the chalet in the Manestee Forest, Liz packed our clothes and some food for the weekend, and Tony stole my laptop before I left the office," he states with a warm smile, locking his electric blue eyes with mine when we stop at the first stoplight.

"Tony... stole... your... laptop?" I stutter in bewilderment.

"Yes, he did. This man is getting a bit too much confidence now that I think about it..." he replies thoughtfully. "But it means no work for the next couple of days. It's going to be just you and me..."

Now this may sound silly, but what he just said means a lot to me. Being the CEO of a huge company, Joshua never has full weekends or vacations without having to deal with unexpected issues or just tons of work to catch up on. I don't resent all the hours he spends locked in his office as I generally use them to do my homework. Besides, I knew what to expect when our relationship started, but I truly appreciate when we have more time to spend together. Sadly, a full weekend without work never happens.

So, this means a tremendous effort from Joshua to dedicate an entire weekend to me, and I am grateful for this. Yet, realization hits me. Joshua never ceases to amaze me at proving his love for me, and I'm not talking about presents or all the money he spends on me. It's like he will never stop redeeming himself for the tough period we went through the first time I confessed my love for him and he wasn't ready. Josh has changed so much in a year, and even if he remains my Dominant, the lover has tended to overshadow him more and more, especially in the last few weeks.

As I nervously roll the engagement ring around my finger, what strikes me again is my own behavior, and tears start pooling in my eyes as my future husband drives ahead. More tears of guilt as I realize that I have been such a heavy burden for him all this time, not fulfilling the slightest of my duties toward him. I have clammed up in my own gloominess, taking some comfort in his tenderness and gentleness, but without returning much to him. With a pang in my heart, I am suddenly conscious that we haven't had sex since... since we left Paris!

More than three weeks without sex! And he never complained once!

None of us has been in the mood to use the playroom, I believe, but all the same... I do recall a few attempts with sensual caresses while in bed before sleep, or shower-times when he would join me under the stream of water, or little hints during cuddles in the couch, but I was always too deep in my state of near-depression to understand his needs. I guess my lack of reaction each of these times must have discouraged him...

Holy crap! I realize that Joshua must have felt exactly the same as I feel toward Noah! He has been trying to assuage my pain for the past few weeks, putting all the efforts he could into making feel better, and I haven't been receptive to any of his gestures. Once again, I have been selfish, locked in my own bubble of sorrow, and haven't cared enough about his own feelings.

During the four-hour ride taking us to the cute little chalet isolated in the forest, I can't stop brooding over these thoughts. Even when Joshua tries to chitchat talking about our respective day of work, or when we stop over in a nice restaurant for dinner. They don't give me a break and by the time we reach our final destination, culpability is eating me and my body is shivering with self-reproach. As soon as we have walked into the log-cabin, Joshua carrying our luggage, I can't contain myself anymore.

"I love you, Joshua..." I say, breaking the surrounding silence with my awfully hoarse voice, which causes him to drop the bags and engulf me into a very tight hug.

"I love you too, Baby... what's wrong?" he asks as his shirt absorbs my tears.

"Nothing... I just wanted to say how much I love you and how sorry I am for having been so... distant recently..."

"Oh, Liam... Don't apologize. I know you've been in a bad place..."

"No, you don't understand..." I sob.

This is when I decide to pour my soul out and be honest to the man I love by telling him about all that I came up with and all the thoughts I brooded over during our ride to the chalet. I apologize time and time again for being such a morose lover and such a pathetic Submissive recently.

"I'm so sorry, Master... I'll be better now," I eventually conclude, dropping to my knees and already fumbling with the belt of his slacks.

"Liam, Liam... Stop this..." he replies, concern heavy in his voice.

"I need to buy myself back, Master... Please let me pleasure you," I insist as I exert myself to dodge his hands which are trying to stop mine.

"Please, Liam, stop..." he argues, putting some extra effort in his moves to pull me up to my feet.

Have I been so bad that I no longer excite him? Doesn't he trust my mouth to give him the pleasure he deserves?

"Why...?" I ask against his powerful chest. "Why won't you let me, Master?"

Without a word, Joshua drags me to the attached bathroom of the master bedroom and begins to undress me while he keeps dropping butterfly kisses all over my face. All through the process, he keeps saying how much he loves me, and before I know it, we are both in the large shower.

"There's no Master or Pet, Baby," he says, hugging me under the warm water spray. "I know how the last few weeks have been difficult and straining, but I want you to know that I totally understand, and I don't resent your lack of libido at all. I want this weekend to be a peaceful moment away from all our worries and for us to reconnect as a couple. For the next forty-eight hours, I would like you to try and leave all our problems in Chicago... I know you can't completely forget all that's going on, and neither can I, but let's just try and focus on us. Would you agree to this?"

Of course, it would be impossible to totally forget about all that's been eating me recently, but I could certainly try and push them to the back of my head temporarily with Joshua's help, and mostly for Joshua. I can hardly believe my luck to have such a gorgeous and caring man to myself.

"Yes, I can do this. Thank you for being so good to me..." I reply, slowly running my hands up his chest until they reach the nape of his neck and pull him down for a kiss.

"I just love you, Baby," he says against my lips. "All I want is for you to feel better, smile a bit, and accept my love as some sort of soothing balm..."

I swear he's going to make my heart melt with his words...

"Josh... You're driving me nuts... You're so poetic..." I murmur, nibbling on his lips and chuckling a bit.

"Ugh, for once I'm trying to be romantic!" he accuses playfully.

"Go on, I love it... But can I pleasure you now?"

"Nope. Me first!"

And to my utter surprise, I watch him go down on his knees in front of me! This has to be the first time it happens because Josh is not a Dom to kneel in front of his Sub. His hands pin my hips against the wall and as he begins to kiss my lower belly, my little soldier soon loses it flaccidity. Having shaved less often and not at all in a full week, I'm a bit self-conscious about the stubble on my privates, but Joshua doesn't complain. And when he eventually takes my cock in his mouth, my penis reaches a full hard state and it's really not long before I recognize the delicious tingles of a pending orgasm flutter in my balls.

"Oh my goodness..." I moan, closing my eyes while my hands reach for Joshua's head.

I wouldn't dream of controlling his pace of bobbing, but I love being able to run my fingers through his hair while his mouth is doing wonders to my erection. I strive my best to contain the threatening explosion down there, but each time I open my eyes and meet the beautiful ocean of his own, I get a little closer. Until I can't hold it anymore.

It's only a blowjob, but it seems like the last month of abstinence is only increasing the intensity of my orgasm tenfold. The earthquake shaking me with bliss somehow blinds my sight and my wobbling knees cause me to collapse to the floor of the shower stall. I am barely conscious as Joshua finishes to rinse our bodies, or when he wipes me dry and then carries me to our bed. I am in such a daze that I fall asleep as soon as I hit the pillow, feeling warm and comfortable within my man's arms.

For the first time in weeks, I sleep right through the night, not waking up once because of nightmares or worries, and when I open my eyes the following morning, I am still snuggled against Joshua's chest, both of us on our sides, his fingers softly caressing my back. I can't help a deep blush that he can't see as I remember where we are and how the evening ended up, with me reaching cloud nine, and him... certainly frustrated with no release.

His morning wood pressed against my pubis is a blatant hint and this time, I won't let him prevent me from worshipping his delicious manhood. I would gladly roll him over on his back and impale myself on his stick, but my self-conscious mind still has a hard time with the grosser aspects of anal sex and I just can't do this without an enema. Since I don't want to ruin this delightful waking-up, I decide to return him the favor he offered last night and immediately scoot further down in the bed, trailing a path of kisses all over his chest.

"Err... Good morning... Baby...?" Joshua gasps, obviously surprised I was awake.

As he rolls on his back and pushes the thin comforter away, I settle between his legs and instantly take his glorious dick in my mouth, causing him to utter a long and deep groan of pleasure. After nearly two years with the man, I have gotten to know him and his tastes very well, so I quickly relax my jaw and my throat, then swallow him whole until my nose hits his pubes, before I start bobbing up and down, repeating the action several times.

While I massage his heavy balls, I relish into the grunts erupting from his mouth. I know all too well that after such a long time without sex – and although he might have relieved himself a few times – he won't last long. Well, this was without counting on his eagerness to please me again as well, and just when I think he is about to climax, he sits back up and I soon find myself lying on my back, with Josh sucking on my erection.

"Ngh... Josh... It was my... tuuuuuuuuuurn!!!" I squeal, unable to control my voice while his tongue works its magic on my shaft.

After a few bobbings, Joshua shifts to lie on his side, head to tail with me, with my cock still in his mouth, and just as I try to reach for his own erection, he firmly grabs a hold of my hips, makes us roll over, and here I am straddling his head, finally able to take care of his rod. Soon enough, the room is filled with moans and groans while we pleasure each other. His hands kneading my buttocks while a thumb is stimulating my closed pucker only add to the delightful sensations on my cock. I apply myself to provide him with the same treatment, except that my hands focus on his thighs and his balls – yeah, his back entrance is definitely a forbidden access – and within only a few minutes, we both climax at the same time.

As expected, his balls have a lot of cream to feed me, and I have difficulty swallowing his entire load. I still have some in my mouth when he makes us sit up and as his tongue invades my mouth, we both exchange remnants of cum, mixing our essences in a deep and passionate kiss.

"Fuck! It was good!" he exclaims as he plops backwards, bringing me along with him so that we can cuddle.

"Sorry I fell asleep so fast last night..."

"I wasn't expecting any less, Babe," he chuckles, tightening his hold around me.

After another long kiss, we get up and I realize that it's way past ten in the morning, meaning that I went around the clock! I guess I really needed it... Between the good night of sleep, the bliss of orgasms and the idea of spending two days with my future husband, I already feel better and determined to please my man by keeping the nagging thoughts at the back of my head.

Once we have had a copious breakfast and opened our luggage, Joshua and I dress in cargo shorts, tee-shirts and hiking shoes to spend the day out in the forest. He also gathers sandwiches and small bottles of water in a backpack that he swings over his shoulders, and there we are out in the nature, walking hand in hand. We talk a lot along the way as we progress through narrow paths and between trees, also enjoying the birdsongs and the relative quietness of the woods.

Many times does he pull me into hugs and we share a lot of kisses. Each time we come across other hikers, never do we pull apart and I just love this pride emanating from us. We are a couple, and there's no way we'd hide this undeniable love we share for one another.

It's barely 7pm when we return to the wooden cabin, and while Joshua prepares our dinner, I escape to the bathroom to perform an enema. Since it's Liz who prepared our luggage, I don't have the usual kit I use at the club, but there's one of those Cleanstream showerhead systems like we have at home, with a thin nozzle that I can insert in my hole to clean up. I wonder why Josh had one installed here since we rarely use the chalet, but I'm thankful he did!

I have just finished shaving my privates when Joshua shows up under the shower, and after another set of respective blowjobs, we wash each other and finally get out to wipe ourselves dry. We could spend the rest of the evening stark naked, but we both end up in boxer briefs. I can't pinpoint his bubbling agitation as we get ready, but I soon get my answer when we step into the living room.

Joshua has closed all the shutters, so it's dark in the room except for the dim light provided by the fireplace and several candles which allow me to see the romantic setting he has prepared. Several rugs have been laid on the floor by the fireplace to create a comfortable mattress, and there's a tray of food in the middle for our dinner: toasts of foie gras, two plates of lettuce mixed with various other raw veggies, ham, cheese and boiled eggs, two bowls of chocolate mousse and Champagne. Petals of roses have also been scattered, and this is just too beautiful. Less romantic is the bottle of lube standing on the side, but it also promises lots of sweet sex.

"Goodness... You're just too sweet..." I blurt out with emotion as he leads me toward the rugs.

"Sweetly in love with you, Baby..." he replies, cupping my cheeks and leaning down to peck my lips.

"I love you too..."

Dinner is absolutely delicious even if quite simple, but Liz couldn't go wrong with a salad because I just love cold meals in the summer. My appetite is back and I have no trouble finishing everything that's on my plate. The Champagne gets me a bit dizzy after the second flute, but it also helps me to entirely relax and dive into this romantic evening.

Throughout our dinner, there is a lot of affection with kisses, caresses and gentle attentions. We make each other sip from our respective glasses, we sensually feed each other, and when it's time for dessert, I move to straddle Joshua's lap and he purrs when I spread a bit of chocolate mousse on his chest, then lick him clean. He returns me the same favor and particularly insists on my nipples that he softly nibbles, making me reach a full hard-on inside my briefs. I just can't help giggling when his tongue runs along my sides, and the renewed elation I feel is so good.

"Lie down now, Baby," he says at some point, at the same time discarding the tray to the side before he slips a pillow underneath my head.

When he returns his attention to me a few seconds later, straddling my legs, I can see the flames of the fireplace reflecting in his brazen eyes. They are full of lust and I'm ready to abandon myself to him and his love.

It starts with a long and deep kiss when he leans over to attach his lips to mine before they softly trail along my jawline, my neck where his tongue teases my Adam's apple, then all along my collarbone, from one shoulder to the other. After he has kissed the little crease in the middle, he continues his route southward, down my sternum, sweetly torturing the little buds of my nipples. My chest is heaving from all the anticipation as he goes further down, teasing my bellybutton before he reaches my middle section.

By then, I am so hard and leaking precum that I could almost explode already!

Locking his blue orbs with my eyes and the corners of his lips twitching, Joshua slips his fingers between my hips and my boxer briefs, then scoots backwards as he tugs on the fabric, slowly sliding it down until my feet are freed. As I try to sit up and meet his lips, he quickly pushes me back down and pins me against the floor, making me feel his own arousal when he grinds it against my thigh, and our tongues entwine in another soft kiss. For once, Joshua is not in a demonstration of his dominance over me. The kiss is sweet, and we're just conveying all the intense feelings we have for one another.

The second trip to my middle section is faster but it still holds the same tenderness and passion Joshua displayed before. I can't help moaning when his lips close around my erection and when his tongue begins to tease all the sensitive areas. Meanwhile, his lubed fingers rub at the cleft of my ass and soon enough, a finger probes my entrance. After nearly a month of abstinence, it stings a bit, but old habits die hard, and I quickly manage to relax. My hole loosens up as a second finger gets in, making me see stars when they hit my sweet spot.

I want more, though. I want his manhood within me. I want his fat rod to open my hole and possess me.

"Josh... I need you inside..." I beg.

"Already, Baby?" he asks in a husky voice, letting go of my cock.

"Please!!!"

Frustrated by the emptiness I feel when he retrieves his fingers, I utter a long and needy moan, but a few seconds later, once he has coated his erection with more lube, he shuts me up with his tongue invading my mouth. Very delicately, he pulls us up until he is sitting with his back against the couch and he makes me straddle his lap, allowing our hard-ons to collide. My hole is twitching in anticipation at the thought of riding him, so while my left hand rests at the nape of his neck for support, I kneel up a bit and use my right hand to guide his hard member to my back entrance.

"Ngh fuck..." he groans as I slowly impale myself on him. "You're so tight, Baby..."

"Not my fault you're so big..." I chuckle once I have entirely gone down on his cock.

Our lips seal for another passionate kiss while I adjust to his thickness, and after a few minutes, the unpleasant sting fades, allowing me to start bobbing up and down on his length. With both my arms around his neck, and his around my waist, I am pressed against his chest, but our mouths never part. His hands keep caressing my back while my fingers thread through his soft hair.

My hips are rocking at a slow pace, trying to contain the building fire in my lower belly and because I want this moment to last for as long as possible. I revel in the tenderness of our gestures, the sweetness of our waltzing tongues, our languorous moans of pleasure, the oblivion our love-making sets us in. Right now, nothing else matters, it's just Joshua and me. My future husband and me. The love of my life and me. I am so overwhelmed by the intensity of the sensations that a shiver courses down my spine and a few tears escape my eyes.

"I love you, Josh... I love you so much..." I whisper.

"My love for you is endless, Baby..." he replies, slipping a hand between our chests and wrapping his fingers around my needy erection.

"Oh my God..."

As he begins to stroke my hard shaft, the fire in my balls erupts and I let go of all my restraint, squealing as long streams of cum spurt out of my cock. All my muscles contract while shocks of electricity gush through my body, and as the ring in my hole clutches around Joshua's rod, a deep rumble echoes from his chest. I feel his member twitch and pulse as he breeds me with his essence, releasing his seed deep inside of me.

I realize how much I had missed all these blissful sensations, and as Josh shifts to make us lie down, him hovering over me, I pull him closer to me and wind my legs around his waist.

I want more, I need more.

I want to enjoy this moment to the fullest before we return to the reality of our life. My worries are still here, somehow nagging at the back of my head, but Joshua's love manages to tame them for now, and in this instant, I promise myself that I will strive my best to honor this love we share and try my hardest to keep this gloom at bay.

In the meantime, I relish in the bliss of sensations as he penetrates me again, thinking that we have the whole night ahead for more rounds of lovemaking.

Published on 22 February 2018

While I'm drowning between the throuple while rewriting their story and Gary and Jeremy while publishing The Darker Side Of The Moon, it felt good to reunite with Josh and Liam, even if it holds a lot of gloom. I think it was necessary to provide a bit of their thoughts on what is happening at that time, so I hope you still enjoyed it.

It's also an opportunity to wish a happy birthday to the sweet Galagoogoo :) Happy birthday sweet child of mine! Jeez, I thought I was never going to finish this in time, but I'm glad I made it. The next one-shot I had planned was either the scene between Camden and Jeremy or the threesome between Donovan, Harry and Chris, but I thought you'd prefer something more fluffy and since Gabe confirmed you had a preference for Josh and Liam, it had to be them :) Anyway, happy birthday again!!