"Don't worry about him, he's a troublemaker."

"Are you sure? There are plenty of other children. We'll take him off your hands."

"If you say so, he's all yours."

That's what the woman had told me when I insisted on fostering Shane the 13-year-old boy known for causing chaos and having a "bad attitude."

I would never say that my life has had as much hardship as his or his with mine. But I've been in a situation where I was misjudged.

When I first laid eyes on him not so long ago he had sat in a corner. Isolated from the other kids. He avoided all contact and refused any social opportunity. The boy with dirty blonde hair in his black hoodie retreats to his mind.

...

The only thing truly I know about him is his name, Shane. He hasn't said anything to me since he's gotten here. I wondered if I came on too strong or if I'm not giving him time to adjust— but now I'm doubting if this was a good idea in the first place.
I offered him something to eat but he refused to even look at me. I finally gave up and sat beside him.

"Listen, I know you didn't ask to be put into this situation. But you're my responsibility now." Silence. "I am willing to give you the world, what am I to do if you don't give me a chance." After what began to feel like an inadequate attempt to persuade him I got up to leave him be.

"I am not your charity case." He said just as I opened the door to leave. I looked at him with a sweet-and-sour smile, but not out of pity.

"I know."

I crept into the kitchen hoping not to disturb Shane and brewed a cup of coffee. The early evening painted the sky with a bluish-pink mixture. Am I doing something wrong? Could I have said something? I only want for him to like me. THUMP. The loud noise startled me, causing me to jump up.

I ran upstairs with urgency. "Shane? Shane, are you ok!"

His stomach growled and he looked famished. "When you're ready-I can get you something to eat."

For someone who didn't show a lot of feeling he sure did give me a mini heart attack. Wait, he's unpacking. This is a good sign! Right? Do you need any help with that?" I reached out to touch his bag but he pulled away. "No, I am fine."

His stomach suddenly growled. He must be famished. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry my mind was just so occupied I didn't get you anything, please forgive me." I rambled.

He smiled slyly at my pathetic attempt for an apology.

"I could order a pizza."

"Ok." He followed me down to the kitchen. I first unplugged the coffee machine and then took out my phone to call Domino. What's their number again. I clicked on their website. Ok, here it is.

We decided on a large pepperoni with green peppers and a bottle of coke. "I'm sorry." I looked at him confused. "Why are you sorry." He broke eye contact "I know I can be a burden. I mean, I know I am a burden. I'm sorry that you could still be nice to me after all I said. I think it's best if you take me back so they agency could deal with me."

"Look at me. Don't ever apologize for being put into a situation you didn't ask to be in. Your not a burden you're a light."

"Sure," he scoffed.

"It's me and you now."

"You don't want me. Once you realize how horrid I am, you're gonna take me back, trust me. I'm used to it."

My heart sank, who made him believe this treacherous lie. "I promise you nothing you could do would make me not want you."

He stomped his foot and protested. "You're only fostering me anyways, eventually the social worker is gonna take me back to that prison. Everybody hates me."

"Shane-"

"Just shut up, ok! You don't know what it's like to constantly be given up because "oh, I'm so 'bad." You've never spent a day in my life!"

About 15 minutes later the food arrived and Shane was already in his room. I swear I heard him sobbing. He won't let me in and he locked the door. "I'm here if you need me." No response. Ok then. I went into my room down the stairs. I feel hopeless and I dreaded that.

I woke up to a surprisingly still and quiet house. I take out the things I will need for my morning Bible Study and sit at the small round table in the kitchen. I was reading Ecclesiastes 2 and was on my final verse before I said my prayer, and went to check on Shane.

I knocked on the door once and got no reply. I knocked on it twice and it remained silent. "Shane, can you open the door, please?" I turn the knob and the door opens easily. I guess I shouldn't have assumed it was still locked.

He isn't in his room. I start to panic a little bit but reassure myself that he is just using the bathroom. "Shane?" He isn't here. Let's not jump to conclusions he could have gone downstairs when you weren't looking. I search in the house for him but he isn't there.

My mind drifts off to the worst places. What if he gets lost or kidnapped or gets into an accident. This is all my fault. I should have talked to him instead of thinking it gets better. Where could he have possibly gone?

He couldn't have gotten far. Though I should call the police, it doesn't look like my best option. It would only make things worse if I don't try myself. Even if it's wrong.

I ran out the door, without a coat, regretfully. The weather is not aware that we are in the middle of July. It is pouring down rain which will make it harder than it needs to be.

I check all the locals, like the school, the park, and the community center. I called my friend Beatrice and explained the situation.

"Ok, I'll help you look for him." She says before hanging up.

After a while, I started to give up. I'll just have to call the agency and explain to them why I didn't contact them in the first place. Why I failed.

I sit on the sidewalk full of disappointment and despair. I hope I'm dreaming. My eyes start to water and I blink them away. I walk around the area one more time, drenched in water scanning the area hoping to find something.  I spot a black piece of fabric on the ground resembling his hoodie.  As if a switch flipped on in me I feebly call out, "is that you?" Something moved in a little bit of hope was left in me.

I walk cautiously towards the area and that's when I see him near a tree. We lock eye contact but he doesn't run. I stand near him pondering on what I should say.

I began. "Do you know how much fear you put in me?" I raise my voice slightly. Too defeated to yell at him, I wait for his response.

"I did what was best for me." He said showing no signs of remorse.

"I guess you didn't consider how much panic you gave me. I thought of the worse possible scenarios thinking the worse would happen. It doesn't even look like you care!" I accidentally yelled but I kept going. "I never thought any wrong about you. You ran off to avoid your problems well that's not how life works. You don't get to avoid confrontation."

He starts to pull away, "I didn't think you'd be hurt by it. You barely even know me. You should not be surprised anyways I told you—" he was cut off by his crying. I gave him a hug expecting him to push me off but he didn't.

He spoke softly, "do you real want me."

"If I did not want you I would not have come all this way to find you." We both smile bittersweet knowing it is the start.