So this is my first one shot, and it has my kind of a theory of what the hell is happening between Luke and Ashton lately (and it's all in Luke's POV). I changed some names because i don't want you to get mad at me or start drama or anything so yeah. Also Christmas and winter time is here or gone already, but I started writing a week before xmas but yeah I'm late as always lol.

Um I had to cut the whole story in half because it will be so so damn long, and I didn't finished it, just the first part. And I don't want you guys to wait even more.

So here we go with the FIRST PART:

LUKE HEMMINGS

It's almost Christmas but I still don't know what kind of present I should buy for my boyfriend. I have no idea for any gifts or something. I know that our friends are already bought their gifts for him but my lazy and dumb ass can't guess what he wants or needs. Shit, I'm the worst boyfriend ever.

Suddenly I got a text and I opened up my phone. And as soon as I saw Ashton's name on the screen it quickly saddened me. However I read his text, "Hey babe, I just wanna say that, ugh, I already miss you, beautiful. Please talk to me baby or let's just hang out tonight at Mitchy's party. I love you Lu. xx"

As I wanted to reply to his text I noticed that I have a few missed calls and voice messages, and yeah of course all of them are from my boyfriend. But I'm not in the mood to reply to Ashton. So I slide my phone inside my jeans back pocket.

„Luke? Are you okay?" I heard my friend calls my name from the other side of the shelf where we searched for some old vinyls. She came up with this idea that I should buy some records to my boyfriend because he's such a fan of them and he already has a huge collection of vinyls. „You look a bit paler than usual. Is everything alright though?" she walked next to me and gently grabbed my arm.

„Oh... yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry Serena," I smiled small at her. „I'm just... you know this shopping tour just makes me tired." I kind of lied to her. To be honest I'm not just tired because of we're shopping for like 3 hours now. What makes me so tired is that I have a really worried and bad feeling about my relationship with Ashton. Some shit already happened these days and I feel like I'll be a mess sooner than I think. Especially since no one knows about that we had a little argument two days ago. I just want to keep it to myself and don't talk about it.

„Luke? Hey... you spaced out again. What's wrong, hun?" she asked me again with worried eyes. I looked away from her because if I look deeper into her big brown eyes she would guess that we're not on good terms right now. So I have to hold back my feelings. I don't want to open up to anyone, neither to my best friend. Because if she got to know that Ashton and I had a little fight she would do anything to torture Ashton. „Luke, look at me.", she grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little.

„I'm okay, Ser, I'm just tired a bit. That's all." I looked back at her and she frowned at me with a suspicious look on her face.

„Think as I believe in you for now, okay?" I grinned innocently at her. Then she just looked down at my hands. „I guess, you just found what Ashton would really love." I looked down at the vinyl in my hands. It was a Red Hot Chili Peppers one, and yes Ashton is so obsessed with this band.

After I paid for the record we decided to take a break from the shopping so we went for a coffee. As we sit down at a table, in front of each other I felt that Serena already stared at me. I don't want to look at her because that makes me insecure and I don't want her to read from my eyes though.

„Luke, do you really believe that I'm that stupid so I won't see how you're kinda sad lately?" I didn't respond to her so she's still stares at me before she sighed a little. „What the hell Ashton did this time?" I still don't want to talk about it so I just shrugged. Serena then took my hand in hers and squeezed it a bit. „What's wrong, Lu?" her voice was so soft.

I sighed and then I slowly looked up at my friend. Her deep brown eyes were so worried as she looked straight into my eyes. She's always been so nice to me, and she cares about me all the time as if I'm her little brother.

„Well we just..." tears began to fill my eyes as I remembered what happened. „We just had a little fight." she was so surprised about it.

„Like when and why tho?" she sipped her coffee.

„Um, it was like two days ago and... You know how he acts like or talks about some weird shit lately?" I looked down at my hands while I played with my spoon. "I don't know, maybe I overreacted like I've always do. But I feel like he just got bored of me?" I sighed again.

„Wait... what the actual fuck, Lucas?" her voice went a bit higher this time. "Do you even know what you're talking about?"

"Yes, I know." I said with a little sarcastic tone in my voice.

"I mean how could you think that he's not interested in you anymore? How could you think that Ashton, who's your boyfriend for like two years now, doesn't want you? Luke..." a teardrop falls down on my cheek as I tried so hard to hold back my feelings. She took my hand again and give it a gentle squeeze while she added softly. "Ashton loves you so much. Luke, don't you know that?" I hesitated to reply. That's why she asked me again. "Luke? Do you know how much Ash loves you, right?" I slowly nodded my head what made her to sigh in relief.

"Yeah, I do. But I don't know how to feel now." I remained silent as my thoughts flushed all over my brain.

"But what happened?" she asked. "I didn't realized that something went wrong between you two. What is it, Luke?"

"We barely spend so much time together then we used to. I guess he's just get enough of me. I don't know." I shrugged and wiped down my tears with the back of my hand. "And... and he just hangs out with this girl."

"What kind of girl?" her voice cracked a bit.

"She's friends with Mitchy. I barely know her, just her name though." I looked up at my friend. I can see in her eyes that how she worries about me that I would break down at any minute.

"Oh Luke." she sighed than caressed my hand. "What makes you think that there's something more between them? What if they're just friends?"

"I don't know, I just feel it in my guts." My phone started ringing and a picture of Ashton showed up on the screen. Serena intensely looked down to my phone then to me. I don't bother to pick it up I just pretend that I didn't noticed it.

"Luke just pick it up and talk to him." she glared at me as I shook my head. "Luke if you won't pick it up I'll do it myself. But we don't want it to happen, aren't we?"

"Fine." I rolled my eyes at her and slowly picked up my phone. "Hello." I answered the call.

"Oh, hi babe. Thank god that you'd answered this time. I... ugh I just wanted to talk to you baby. I saw that you read my messages so... Hope you wanna hang out with me. Not just tonight, like... Now?" I furrowed my eyebrows together and I automatically looked around. My eyes widened when my gaze caught Ashton's.

"Oh my god." I whispered, but sure that made Ashton chuckle at me because he heard it through the phone. I stand up and ended the phone call then I slide it in my pocket. Ashton did the same and we just standing in front of each other without making any move.

My heart started pounding so fast in my chest, also I have to catch my breath as well. My fingers are itching to touch Ashton's handsome face or to brush my fingers through his short wavy hair. Dammit this boy still makes me feel like a teenage girl when she sneaks out through her bedroom's window to meet his boyfriend at midnight.

Slowly he walked closer to me but stopped like a few steps from me. We didn't broke the intense eye contact between us. A small smile appeared on his face what made me to smile as well. I can't help it I'm so in love with him no matter how we're not on good terms right now. I just want him to wrap his huge muscular arms around me and kiss me as hard and deep as he can.

So I take the last steps between us. As soon as I can I circled my arms around his neck and he pulled me so close to his chest. His arms wrapped around me and I already feel how warm his body is. Both of us giggled at each other before he leaned in to kiss me. I kissed him back and this kiss was so sweet and passionate.

"I love you babe." he whispered after he pulled away a bit. I pecked his lips more while I caressed his jawline.

"I love you too." I whispered back and I smiled at him. His eyes are so beautiful now as all the Christmas lights reflected in them. Also I clearly see his emotions through his eyes. And most likely it's the love what he feels for me. "I missed you, Ashy." he cooed at me then giggled again. And he told me that he missed me more.

"How are you doing?" he's still so smiley and I definitely like that because his dimples just showing and god I love his dimples so much. I don't answered him because I was so busy to bury my face in his neck. I snuggled to him as close as I can while he rubbed my back softly.

"I'm sorry Ashton. I was such a whiny bitch to you." my voice sounded a bit muffled.

"Don't say that Lu. I was an asshole to you so of course you'd reacted like this. Just please can we move on?" I nodded my head then I pulled back a little just so I can look at him.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Anything, baby." he smiled at me.

"Can you promise me that you will always stick to my side and you'll always love me?"

"Oh my god! Why are you so cute?" he let out a little laugh and kissed my forehead. "But of course baby, I promise you that I will always love you 'til my lungs just give up. Okay?" he looked at me with beautiful shiny eyes. I felt that my cheeks turned into a light pink color. I leaned forward and kissed him longer than just minutes ago. We both muttered an 'I love you's and smiled at each other.

"Well, I guess I should just go." I pulled back from Ashton to look at my friend. She grinned at us. Ashton kissed my cheek again and that was the time when Serena gave me a knowing look. This means that 'I told you so that he loves you'. We waved goodbye to her and she left quickly. I saw that she took my shopping bag with the vinyl in it. Just in case that Ashton won't see it.

..........

We spent together the whole afternoon. Ashton took me out for a lunch, and he said it was a date. Yeah it was a really cute one, he was such a gentleman and he always made sure about how to make me laugh or just cheer me up. So we're out of closet like half a year now and Ashton is so proud of that he can kiss me in anywhere and anytime. And he just wants to let everyone know that we're dating. He's so damn cute. God, I love him so much.

And now we're back at home and getting ourselves ready to go partying at Mitchy's place in an hour. While I buttoned up my white long sleeve shirt in front of the mirror, Ashton hugged me from behind and our eyes met through the mirror. He made a funny face so I smiled at the sight. And then he started to kiss down on my neck. I giggled at the touch of his stubble because it tickled my neck. When he glanced up and down on me in the mirror he just furrowed his eyebrows. Then he unbuttoned the top three buttons on my shirt. He smirked at me while he loosened my shirt on my chest. So a huge part of my chest is pretty visible now.

"Now you look so pretty, babe." he kissed in my hair and he took a deep breath then he made a 'mmm' sound. "I love how amazing your hair's scent. It makes you even more attractive." my heart skipped a beat and a goofy smile appeared on my face. I turned around to face him, his arms were still around me. I leaned down to peck his lips but he made it a deeper and heated kiss. I kissed him back as I closed my eyes. I love the way how our lips just fit so well on each other's. I slightly opened my mouth as he gently licked on my bottom lip. I let him to slide his tongue in my mouth and when our tongues met my knees are already shook a bit of the fucking good pleasure.

Ash started to push me backwards 'til my legs hit our big ass bed. I almost fall down onto the bed but Ashton kept me in balance. We giggled at each other then Ashton leaned in to kiss down on my neck. I let out a little throaty moan when he started to suck on my neck and collarbone leaving marks on my skin. I know that they will turn into a dark red color soon.

He slid his large hands under my shirt on my sides. Feeling his warm palms on my bare skin sent shivers down my spine. He kissed down on my chest while I brushed my fingers through his short hair and I fisted some of his curls. "Fuck" I shrieked a little as he licked on one of my nipples. Then he started kissing and sucking on it. I bit down on my bottom lip to hold back a long moan but a muffled squeaky sound escaped out of my mouth.

"Ashton, please." I pushed him back a bit, but then he found my lips and kissed me with such lust. I took his head between in my hands to make him look at me. "We'll be late."

"Then we have to be really quick." that's all what he said and he already caught my lips with his. I automatically kissed him back. He then laid me down on our bed and straddled me by my hips. I wanted to push him back again, but it looks like he's stronger than me because he doesn't even moved. He rubbed our crotch together and I moaned into the kiss. And with this I feel he already has a boner what turns me on so bad.

"Ugh..." I started as I finally catch my breath. "I really wanna continue this but not now." I still breathing fast as I locked our eyes. His wide pupils make his eyes look so dark almost black. I can feel how his whole body tensed up because he hates it so much when something interrupt him when he's horny and wants to off himself.

But as if he doesn't heard me he just grabbed my wrists and pushed them down onto the mattress. It's almost hurts how tight he holds my wrists.

"Ashton, please, stop!" I pleaded. And yet again he just starts to move on me while he kissed down on my chest. I wanted to move to get out of under him. "Ashton, please. I don't want to do this." I demanded.

"Why are you reject me all the fucking time?" he literally growls at me what made me to flinch. "You didn't slept with me in like almost a week now. Don't you want me or what?"

"No, Ashton it's not like that. I love you silly, but... I don't want to have sex with you so often like we used to." He just rolled his eyes at me and get off of me so quickly. He looked so offended and I feel like he disappointed in me. I sat up on the bed and watched him ran a hand through his hair so angrily. "Ash, baby," I stepped behind him and grabbed his arm. "Please don't get mad at me. I... I'm sorry." I turned over him but he avoided my eyes. So I lifted up his head by his chin. "Ashy just look at me please. I still love you and I always will. It doesn't matter that I don't want to have sex with you all the time. I..." finally he looked at me.

"Am I not good enough for you or? Or why are you...", I kissed him to shut him up.

"I told you, you're more than good enough. You're so perfect for me in any possible way but..." I sighed as I took his hands in mine. "Don't get me wrong, I still love to make love with you but we should just hold back our lust and needs for each other's body. Do you understand me?" he nodded slowly. I kissed his forehead first then his lips. "I'm sorry." I whispered in his ear as I wrapped my arms around him to hug him so close to me. He hugged me back and he kissed my head.

.........

After we arrived at Mitchy's house we had some drinks together and danced so much. We had so much fun together. Ashton flirts with me like he used to before we even started dating. And we laughed and made out so much.

This night was pretty fun 'til Ashton didn't get so drunk. He had so many shots with a couple of beer. If I want to be honest he was so damn drunk. I hate it when he's wasted because he gets so intimidating and a bit violent as well. But most of the time he's fucking horny and stuff like this. And I guess tonight his horny side took the control over him.

I slowly started dancing to the rhythm when he hugged me from behind. More likely he pressed his whole body on mine. He placed both of his hands on my hips and he started swaying both of us together at the rhythm. He started to kissing down on my neck, and he sucked on my skin so roughly. I know it will change its color a dark red or purple color so soon. He pulled me so close to himself like I clearly feel his hard on pressing to my bum. Dammit. I would like it if he wasn't this drunk tho.

"Ashton, please, stop doing this. I..." I pushed him away from me as I turned around. "You know how much I hate it when you're drunk, right?" I looked deep in his eyes. He just rolled his eyes at me and made a 'tsk' sound.

"Like I care, babe." he chuckled a bit. This time it was my turn to roll my eyes.

"Why are you like this? Why the hell you had to drink this much?" he shrugged.

"Don't be so annoying, Luke. Just shut up and kiss me." he leaned in to kiss me but I put my fingers on his lips to make him stop in his moves. "What the fuck is wrong with you today?" he snapped at me. "You're my little slut, baby boy, and I can do whatever the fuck I want with you." he grabbed my jaw so roughly. "If I want to fuck you, then you let me fuck you anywhere and any ways as I want it. You get it?" I snapped off his hand from my chin.

"Don't you fucking dare to talk to me like this." I glared at him. He wanted to grab my arm but I stepped back. "Find me when you're sober. But now I don't wanna see you." and with that I left him in the middle of the dancefloor.

I don't know when I left Ashton alone, but it feels like more than an hour passed or something. So I looked around in the house, but I didn't find him in there. I went up on the stairs to see if he's in one of Mitchy's bedrooms though. I checked out all of the rooms but I still can't find my boyfriend. I already feel so worried that some bad thing is about to happen. Actually it makes me really nervous. Like some shit will happen between Ashton and I.

So as I take a hold of the last room's door handle my stomach is already flipped. I wasn't prepared for the sight what just revealed in front of me after I opened the door. Not just because there were a 'couple' making out on the bed. But like that girl just shoved her fucking tongue into my fucking boyfriend's mouth.

I was literally froze in my movements. My heart breaks in two, I don't know what should I do because fucking hell I didn't wanted to see my boyfriend making out with anyone, especially with a chic tho. Soon enough tears just started to fill my eyes and I already let out a sob. I cannot control it, it just come out of me. That sound made these two to flinch back from each other. And Ashton was the first one who looked at me with wide eyes. I guess he just realized it's me, his fucking naive boyfriend who interrupted them. I didn't say anything just ran away before I start crying so hard. I ran down on the stairs, well I almost stumbled down because I can't even see through my tears.

Someone just grabbed my arm as I passed next to them, and stopped me.

"Luke? What's wrong?" I met Calum's worried expression, he's my other best friend. He was with Serena and another girl. I wiped off my tears with the back of my hand. And I tried to control my sobs but it wasn't working. I just want to run away from this party, from that fucker, from everyone in this house. I don't want to be there anymore.

"Just... just leave me alone, Calum, please." I said but Calum being a good friend he is, he asked me again 'what's the matter now?', also Serena asked me as well why I'm crying like a baby. And I literally can't even speak anymore. That sight just replayed in my head, making my heart even more broken. I felt like I would throw up in anytime. My shoulders are shaking because I crying so hard. I just don't know how to feel about this. I mean I can't believe that Ashton literally did this to me. He cheated on me. I don't want to think about what the hell they did before I found them.

"What happened, Luke?" Serena asked again.

"Ashton... he ch-cheated on me." a throaty sob came out of my mouth and I barely can see because of my tears. Calum's face dropped down because it shocked him or something. Serena was so confused and surprised about it.

"What the actual fuck?" he looks so pissed off. Then someone grabbed my arm again and turned me to face them. This time it was Ashton. I get angry at him and I slapped his face. He rubbed his hand on his face where I slapped him. A few people around us just looked at us. Both confused and curious of what's happening here.

"I hate you Ashton!" I shouted in his face while I cried still. "I don't wanna see you ever again."

"Please, baby let me explain." Ashton pulled me closer by my waist. But I pushed him back as soon as I can.

"No, Ashton I don't want to hear your fucking lies. I know what I saw, and don't you come to me to tell me your stupid tales. Because I don't care about your explanation, I don't care about you." I saw how my words hurts him but I shouldn't be care about it, I shouldn't let it affects on me.

"Baby please just let me talk." he pleaded and gave me his cute puppy eyed look. But now it won't melt my heart.

"I need space and time." I told him and I wanted to move but he pulled me back to him.

"Please Lu, let me explain. I'm sorry baby, but... please." his eyes were so teary.

"Irwin, if Luke doesn't want to listen to your shit then leave him alone." Serena stepped in between us and stared up at my boyfriend with a killer look on her face.

I looked into Ashton's hazel eyes, the tears make them even more beautiful. My heart almost gave up and makes me to go back to him and hug him. But I have to be strong and I shouldn't be let myself melt just the sight of his handsome face or for his small smile on his lips. Goddammit, it's so hard.

Serena took my hand, I guess she felt that I barely can keep myself away from Ashton. So she's just dragged me away from him, I didn't say anything to Ash just locked eyes with him 'til we left Mitchy's house.

......

"So tell me, what just happened there?" Serena sits down next to me on her coach and handled me a big cup of tea.

"Uh... it's so hard to tell or just to think about it." I looked down in my cup. "There was a girl with him in that room. Ashton sat on the bed, and she was on her knees between his legs."

"Shit, please don't say that she gave him a bl..." she puts her hand on her mouth in shock, she doesn't finished her sentence.

"Well I don't know Ser, if she gave him one before I interrupted them. I saw that they made out so hotly or something, because she shoved her tongue down on Ashton's throat." as I talked about it the memory just haunts me again and again. "And you know what makes my heart even more broken is just that girl was Naya. I knew that he has a thing with her. I knew that she doesn't wanted to be just friends with Ashton, of course she wanted more of him. She's such a bitch."

"Wait... is she this short and dark haired girl, who's kinda insane? Like all I know about her is that she's so into demon and alien stuffs and she has some wigs as well, yeah?"

"Yeah, that's her." I nodded. "I thought that they're could be more than friends so easily. But I never thought that Ashton will cheated on me and especially with her." my eyes filled with tears again.

"I'm so sorry, Luke." she puts her hand on my leg after I pulled up my legs to my chest. "You never deserved this pain. I still can't believe he really did that. But like why?" first I just shrugged and sipped on my tea. Then I realized why he did that.

"Fucking hell." I wiped off my tears. Serena looked at me with so much confusion in her eyes. "When we got ready for the party he wanted to... well, fuck me? But I rejected him. I didn't wanted to have sex with him before the party. He was pissed off first, then he just thought that I don't wanna fuck because I don't like him." she chuckled a bit.

"Are you serious?" I nodded.

"But we talked about it so everything was good between us. Then he got so damn drunk at Mitchy's. Like fucking drunk. And you know how the alcohol affects on him?"

"Yeah he can't even control himself. And it gets him in a really wrong way." I nodded again.

"So, while we danced he got horny again. Like really horny and he wanted to fuck me as well. But I rejected him again then he gets a bit violent or something. And it made him fucking mad at me. And he just started to scream at me like... ugh, he said that I was his little slut, so if he wants to fuck me then I have to let him do it." I don't know why but I got so vulnerable as I told her that.

"Oh my god, Luke!" now it was her turn to get angry at Ashton. "What the actual fuck, Luke? How the hell dare he to talk to you like this?"

"I-I don't know, Serena. And after that I told him to he can find me when he's sober. So I left him alone."

"Do you think that he did it on purpose or what?" I just shrugged because I didn't thought about it. "Is he really that stupid? Like he just thought that he can fuck whoever he wants or something?" I gulped down my tears because realization just hits me so hard. What if he really did it to make me jealous or angry? "I'm sorry, Luke." she gave my leg a gentle squeeze. I smiled up to her.

Then my phone started buzzing. First I thought it's Ashton who just shower me with his texts or calls. But no. It was Calum who sent me a picture. So I opened the message with a screenshot and a bunch of 'WTF?!' under it. I looked at the picture and I felt how all of my blood moved out of my face. I literally just froze in my moves as I slowly realized what I see. Two large hands with familiar rings on their fingers hold a small hand with long black fingernails. My heart just skipped so many beats. I can't believe in my eyes. I feel so out of space like my soul just moved out of my body to another planet or something to start screaming so loud and hard 'til my lungs and voice give up.

"No... no... no. Please no." my heart was already broken but that fucking photo makes it even more broken. Those large hands with long fingers are Ashton's, and he holds with both of his hands that slut's hand. I started crying so hard that my whole body is shaking because of it.

Then Calum texted me again about that photo of how Ashton holds hand with Naya. Naya posted that picture on her Instagram so that's where Calum found it. Fucking hell, I can't believe that. Like it wasn't enough for me to see them making out in that room, but now I had to found out that he holds her hand? What's next though?

Cal: I'm sorry you had to see this but... I just want you to know about it. I don't wanted to hurt you even more bro

me: thank you Cal

That was all I could write back because I cried so hard that I wasn't able to see through my heavy tears. Also Serena had to calm me down.

We remained silent for like a few minutes while she went through both of our phones to check any possible place if there's a new update or thing about Ashton and Naya.

I spaced out again. I was busy to have so many messed up thoughts and theories in my mind about how my boyfriend cheated on me with that girl.

"What will you do with him after this?" she spoke up first.

"I... I don't know." I shrugged again. "To be honest, I don't want to see him ever again."

"Oh, don't say that." she glared at me. "You have to talk about it once."

"No, Serena, I don't wanna see this asshole." I wiped off my tears again.

"But Lu, he's your boyfriend."

"Yeah... and I wasn't his boyfriends too while he made out with that bitch?" I feel so empty and betrayed. I've never ever thought that Ashton will cheat on me. I thought he's so in love with me as much as I love him. But it seems like he doesn't loves me. Our relationship, our love doesn't mean a thing for him. And it's broke my heart even more.

"I'm sorry." she looks so embarrassed by it. "I just want you two talk about everything so you'll be on good terms?"

"Maybe I will." I placed my chin on one of my knees.

"Just think about it." she looked up and down on me. I know how bad I look. "Then you should take a rest, you deserve it." she patted my leg.

On the next day I had a little headache. First I thought it's because I drank so much last night, but hell no, it's because of those bullshits what happened between me and Ashton. After I talked some things out of myself to Serena I decided to take a chance on talking with Ashton as well. So I went home but I didn't say anything about it to Ashton.

I was about to open the door and I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Then I stepped in and I already heard some noise coming through from the kitchen. So that means Ashton's home and he's in the kitchen. But as I made my way to the kitchen everything went silent all of a sudden.

"Luke? Baby is that you?" I froze in my moves as I heard his raspy voice. Soon enough Ashton comes in the living room where I stand. He locks eyes with me, his eyes were a bit red, but not as red as mine. So he cried too? Hm, good point. Neither of us moved for a minute or two. Then he was about to come and hug me but I stepped back.

"Why did you do that?" I asked first. He looked down in ashamed. So that means he know what he did. Good to know. Good to know.

"I-I know it's not an excuse that I was fucking drunk. I'm sorry baby, I really am." he looked at me straight in the eyes. "I was such a dick to you. I've never ever wanted to hurt you baby."

"But you already did." I put my hands on my hips.

"Luke, babe." he stepped closer to me.

"Don't babe at me." I glared at him. "Why did you do it? I wasn't good enough for you or what, Ashton? Do you already get bored of me? Don't you love me anymore?"

"Shush baby" he puts two of his fingers on my lips to shut me up. "Just listen to me, okay?" I nodded slowly. "Look, I still love you Luke. After what I did last night I know it's so hard to believe but I really love you, baby." he took my hand in his. I don't know why I let him.

"What did you do with her? And what's for that fucking photo about you two holding hands?" he looked a bit surprised by the sudden question.

"We... I... ugh." he sighed and took a deep breath. "We just kissed. Nothing more happened. And it doesn't meant anything, nor like the picture tho."

"But you were with her more than an hour, Ashton. I don't believe that you two just had a make out session." my eyes getting filled with tears as my throat started to dry out.

"Fine, she wanted to give me a blowjob, but I rejected her." my chin dropped down I was so surprised about his honesty and all.

"What the hell?" I ran my hand through my hair. "Are you serious?" a teardrop fall down on my cheek.

"Lu... please, don't cry. I... I'm sorry."

"But then you still stayed with her after that? Why the fuck don't you just left her alone? Why were you there with her and let her to shove her fucking tongue down in your throat?" I asked furiously. My voice sounded so high pitched and weak as I started crying. Ashton just repeated so many times that he's sorry and he wanted to calm me down.

"Ashton I want you to be fucking honest with me. Do you love me?" I looked deep into his hazel eyes.

"I do love you so much Lu. You're my everything, baby." he pulled me closer to his chest by my waist. "Please, don't cry, Princess. I love you, more than you think." I gulped down my tears. "I'm sorry Luke, I really am." He wiped down my tears with his thumb.

"If you love me as much as you say then why did you made out with her? Is it because we didn't had sex since last Saturday? And you being that fucking horny bitch you just had to cheat on me with her? Hoping that she would let you fuck her or what?" I stepped back so he no longer can hold me in his arms. He stared at me with wide eyes. Then he started laughing, but it wasn't a joyful one.

"Don't be ridiculous Luke. I could've cheated on you many times before if I wanted to. But I didn't because I'm fucking in love with you. Like if you don't know." he shook his head in disbelief. "Do you think that I'm such an idiot? I was wasted, yes, but not an idiot. I knew what I do at the moment. Yes I let her to drag me up to that room. Yes, I let her to kiss me. But nothing more." he sighed again while I cried silently. "Yeah you could ask me then why the fuck I did all of this? But don't act like you didn't kissed anyone since we're started dating."

"What? Are you kidding me? I didn't even kissed anyone except you. Don't be such an asshole." I almost punched him in the face but I hold back anger. "How could you even think that I would cheat on you in any possible way? And with who?"

"Don't pretend that you're so innocent, Luke."

"I can't believe you. And who the hell are you talking about? I don't have anyone around me who can make you jealous. And here we go again, you get so jealous of anyone who just says hi to me or something. But then I couldn't be jealous about that slut when she just flirts with you from the first time she laid eyes on you? And you flirt with her as well every goddamn time you see her. Do you thought that I didn't noticed it? Because I saw it and I want to claw her eyes out." I nearly shouted in his face. "And now that you actually cheated on me with that slut I couldn't be get mad at you and I have to move on and forgive you or what do you expect me to do?" I was so mad at him, also I'm such a crying mess. My whole body is shaking in anger and by sobbing so hard.

"You know that so well who the hell I'm talking about, Luke."

"Oh I don't even have any..." he cuts me off.

"Your fucking best friend?" it turned out as a question. You can tell he was pissed as well.

"Who? Serena? Do you really think..."

"Yes!" he shouted. "You just spend so much time with her lately. More time with me if you want me to be fucking honest with you. And yes, I hate her so much because she just wants to steal you from me. I bet you already have a thing with each other. Because she just want to use you and... and I don't know. She's not that innocent as you think, Luke."

This time it was my turn to start laughing so hard at him that I nearly choked on air. He looks so confused as I tried to catch my breathe.

"Oh my god, Ashton! You don't even realized what you just said? Oh my god." I clapped sarcastically as I calmed myself down from not to start laughing again. "Ashton, if you didn't realized that after four years of knowing each other, and two years of dating, but I'm gay as hell. I only like boys. I can't look at girls in that way as I look at all the boys out there. Not even if I will be so damn drunk." he rolled his eyes in boredom.

"Ha-ha, I know that you're gay, Luke. But you're dear friend know it as well? Because I don't think so. She just wants to keep you as hers. She's such a snake and a liar Luke. It's way better that you'd know it from me."

"Jeez, you're so wrong, Ashton. She's nothing like that. But your new lover is a bitch. She's the one who wanna steal you from me."

"Do you trust me?" I looked down on my hands because I really don't know how I feel about him anymore. It's just makes me so worried and stuff that he would get bored of me because I'm a boy. He's bisexual and I know that his girl type is blondes with pretty doll faces and brown eyes, and with big boobs and flat stomach. But Naya is different, because her hair is dark brown and has hazel eyes. But yeah, the boob thing is on point, so I can't compete with girls.

"I don't know if I still can trust in you." finally I answered him. I don't want to look at him now, because I know that how much my words hurt him.

"Now I know." he whispered I almost didn't heard it. "What do you want, Luke?" his voice was so quiet and empty? Like really empty, I can't even guess his emotions or thoughts. Actually it scares me.

I looked up at him straight in his teary eyes, what hurts me because I hurt his feelings. I know how lost and desperate I look but I can't help it. Ashton is literally the light of my life, he leads me on my way. I would be nothing without him, and definitely dead. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me to comfort me as he always does. That was the moment when I started sobbing even more. My hands automatically find their way up on his back to hug him to my chest.

"I-I love you." I started as I buried my face in the crook of his neck. "But I need time and space. I don't know what to do."

"I love you too." he whispered back and with one of his hands rubbed my back while the other hold me so close to his body. "It would be a better idea that we have a little break, yeah? Is it what you want, babe?" I slowly nodded my head. "Okay." he kissed my head.

I packed some clothes in a bag while Ashton helped me to collect my stuff. After I got done with the packing he carried my stuff to the door. I turned to face him. My heart just raced in my chest, as my stomach twitched. I don't want to leave Ashton but I have to let him go for a while.

My eyes slowly filled with tears again. He smiled small at me to comfort me. Then he wrapped his arms around me and yet again I silently started crying. I know I ruined his black shirt with my tears but I can't help it though.

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't want to hurt you." he kissed my head. "Just don't forget it, you're the love of my life." I fisted his shirt because the way he told me those words was literally painful.

"I won't forget it," I pulled back so I can look at him properly. "Because I love you too, Ash." he smiled again as he wiped off my tears.

"Just call me if you ready to talk to me again, please." I nodded my head. He leaned in to kiss me but I stepped back. I picked up my stuff and he opened the door for me. "Take care of yourself baby."

"Bye, Ashton." I kissed his cheek before I get out of our house.

..............

so this was the first part of this story. i don't know when i will update the other part of this story. i hope sooner than i think.

um, i hope you like it guys. and if i have any mistake in the grammar just tell me bc i want to know or something :)