"Hey Feliks." She called out to her friend who looked up at the branches of hollowed tree they sat under. "I want to ask you a question."

"Spit it out." The quirky friend spoke with enthusiasm at the girl.

"I know you said that I shouldn't speak anything negative, but..." The wind howled as locks of their hair flew with the wind. "What would you do if... If I actually, you know..."

She gave a quick small grin and look at her worn out sneakers that was buried under the fallen gold and red leaves. The girl grabbed on of the leaves and examined it. The pointed end and the marvelous color of the leaf seemed like a beautiful thing to come to the world.

Feliks' smile slowly disappeared as he leaned against the tree's old bark. He looked down.

"Don't hesitate, Fel." She spoke. "I want to hear it."

He breathed in and out deeply.

"Mourn for you more than anyone else around." He answered. "(Y/n)... Are they at it again?"

The girl nodded.

These past few years of friendship, Feliks learned about (Y/n)'s experiences before she got to the country. She came here with her family for a new start. To make a new life here. But before (Y/n) can even start her first day, her experiences began to come back to her as she received her grades and scores of tests and projects.

She started to have breakdowns at school. Anxiety filled her up in her every move. Then depression started to develop after a year of her stay. Feliks has been trying to help her. He supported her. He did a lot of things to make her happy. He became her best friend. The Polish boy was never sick and tired of her. He loved her.

"I've done everything, Fel." She hugged her knees. "I've done everything and they're still not contented with me."

Feliks pulled her closer as she sobbed in on her knees.

"I finally graduated as Valedictorian, ditched you for their causes, never spoke back, never explained myself, threw my passions for them, obeyed them more than anyone else..." She trailed away and hugged her knees tighter. "Is this what my life was meant to be? To become a loyal dog without an answer or question?"

(Y/n) crushed the leaf she had in her hands.

"They want me to go their way, Feliks." She hiccuped. "They have no faith in me unless I obey. Follow their rules. Be the perfect daughter. To be polite. To be that mindless fuck I've been in the past back in my home country... When will I be ever be happy? I made friends with their friend's daughter. She used me to be her cover as a goody-two-shoes and showed my parents that she was better than me. My parents started to compare me with her. I stopped ballet, declined my chances of being in the regional table tennis team, stopped my table tennis, did badminton for them, stopped my badminton for them, missed my softball practices for them, made others do the project as I get a low grade for not cooperating, get yelled at by my group mates for not practicing for projects, stopped my music, stopped my writing..."

(Y/n) gritted her teeth and punched the ground. She cried harder as Feliks wrapped his arms around her. He knew that he couldn't do anything to calm her down. He didn't want to show pity for her. He wanted to be there for her, but not out of pity.

"Just because my brothers are going to become doctors doesn't mean that I should follow their path." She cried. "Just because writing and directing wouldn't give me enough money to support myself doesn't mean that I won't try to succeed. Just because I try to explain myself doesn't mean I'm talking back in a disrespectful way. Just because I joke that I am scared to commute by myself doesn't mean that I am scared. Just because I am a girl doesn't mean that I don't know how to defend myself. Just because I have high grades doesn't mean that I'm going for the courses they want me to go to. Just because I'm overweight and fat doesn't mean that I am not beautiful, or unhealthy right away. Just because I have low grades doesn't mean I'm not smart. Just because I have problems doesn't mean that I'm trouble."

A tears rolled down Feliks' eyes. He was angry at himself for not being there. He was angry for not supporting her at times. He was mad for not defending her in front of her parents. He was angry at her parents. He was angry at her aunt who judged her by her size. He was angry at those who showed her constant pity. He was angry at those people who just said that everything will be okay or try to comfort her with words.

Words without action are unreliable. Saying a simple sorry to a person wouldn't make the pain go away. Showing pity won't do anything. Medication wouldn't do anything to her. Going to the guidance counselor was now tiring. Making anyone obey everything you do was something a monster would do.

Feliks gritted his teeth as he pulled her closer as she sobbed loudly. He hugged her tightly and cried. He was angry at the world. He was angry at everything.

Tell someone "God has a plan for you" isn't always the answer. Prayer without action is nothing. If you want a miracle to happen, you need action to make them. Nothing can work if you just keep on depending with no work.

Freedom cannot be achieve unless you take action. Peace cannot be achieve unless you take action. Happiness cannot be achieve unless you take action.

"Feliks..." She whispered loud enough for him. "Thank you for giving me happiness."

Feliks was shocked by her words. He loosened his grip around her and looked at the girl smiling sadly. The tears rolled down her cheek. She brushed her thumb against his cheek to wipe a teardrop.

"Thank you for showing me the fandoms. Thank you for letting me open myself to the world through something virtual. Thank you for sharing the wonderful knowledge you have." She chuckled. "Thank you for being that friend who would do the crazy things I do with me. Thank you for being there. Thank you for defending me. Thank you for being that fictional character who came to life. Thank you for showing me that I am smart and beautiful. Thank you for being my biggest fan in writing. Thank you for being my best actor in those silly films we make. Thank you for being my family. Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you for showing the world to me. Thank you for helping me discover myself. Thank you for showing me happiness. Thank you for being the bestest friend anyone can have."

She pressed her lips against his for a quick peck. She pulled away and smiled softly with the sadness clearly in her eyes.

"Don't be angry at yourself..." She spoke softly. "Don't be angry at anyone, but me."

He looked at her in the eye as she caressed his cheek.

"Remember this, Fel..." The tears continued. "You can show a lot of people happiness. You did, but I don't think that I can handle the happiness that is mixed with the sorrow in my life."

She stood up slowly and bent down. She gave him another kiss. A longer one that made the taste of the vanilla ice cream she ate linger on his lips. She pulled away and kissed his temple.

"Until then... See you tomorrow." She smiled sadly and walked away.

He did see her the next day with the sickest joke in his life.

"(Y/N)!" He screamed as he caught her before she can fall on the amusement park's floor.

The people around started to surround you. Some called 911 while the others started to panic and look for the park workers to help.

"(Y/n), please no..." Feliks cried as her eyes started to droop.

"I'm sorry Feliks..." She whispered as tears filled her eyes. "Goodbye."

Her eyelids dropped as she was finally at rest. Her tears rolled down as Feliks' tears did. He hugged her lifeless body tightly. He murmured things in Polish filled with sorrow and regret. He should've seen it coming. She said the things she saw yesterday. She said her goodbyes. She sent her regards.

"No... (Y/n)... Please..." He sobbed. "No please... You were my happiness. You were the reason why I kept smiling. I smiled for you hoping that one day... One day you'll be free. I tried everything I can to set you free."

And that you did... Thank you, Feliks.

He was either hearing things or he just did. The wind blew as a red leaf landed right in front of him and the lifeless body of his friend.

He hugged her tighter.

"Fly away." He spoke softly.

Unlike the leaf that crushed in her grasps, this one flew away with the wind freely. Free from the grasps of someone. Free from those things that weighed her down.

"Goodbye, (Y/n)..."

Hi. Umm.. So... To clarify things on the story, this is personal to me. I used Poland since he reminded me of my two friends who showed me support.

I actually started to become more quiet and hide from everyone when I was in fourth or fifth grade, which was a few years back. The friend part is real. I've been friends with someone who uses me like a trophy and show me to everyone. I'm just friends with her because my mom and my other aunt (not the aunt I'm talking about in the story) are friends.

The parents and the relatives thing are actually real too. My family expects me to be that ideal daughter in the future just because I am the eldest daughter. They expect me to be perfectly fit in the future and to succeed as a doctor like my brothers rather than listening to my dreams.

Ever since my older brother started studying medicine, since he wasn't happy with his job as an office worker, they expect me to follow him like how he followed the eldest. If not then they want me to be in MedTech.

I'm not saying that it's not a good course or anything. I'm saying that I don't think it fits me.

The aunt I talk about in the story thinks that being a doctor or studying medicine is all memorization, but I know it's not. It's about saving lives and being a hero. They all say that I can be one if I studied hard.

I'm sick of them telling me what to do. I've done everything. I don't even go out like my friends who go out to the mall without me. I don't talk to them a lot. I stay at the store without question. I go to my violin and piano lessons which are the only things I actually enjoy that they encouraged me to do. Skip softball practices just because they said no. Go out of school on time and stay at the area they usually pick me up at even though they start to run late while my group mates do the work in the school. I don't commute alone. I go home early with them. And I can barely talk at home or even explain.

While writing things and the note, I started to cry because it just hurts so much. I can only express myself here.

Freedom is only a luxury to me. I can't go out alone. They scare me. I'm under the wraps trapped under the weight of my entire family. My aunt said that I shouldn't go to college if I don't follow what they want me to do.

They threaten my future and my freedom. I'm always under wraps. I couldn't discover my own self. I don't understand anything. They won't answer my questions. They don't show me how life works except for showing me how to make money and save money.

Is that how it is? To save and make money for happiness? To take advantage of things that can take you to your wildest dreams in a flash, but only for a short amount of euphoria?

I don't know what I should do. I feel very very very small in this world.

I used to be that loud-mouthed, fun loving, and outgoing girl until I started to realize that I couldn't obtain my freedom unless I followed everything. Unless I follow what everyone expects me to do.

The ending is something that, maybe, I see in my own future. Maybe I'll end up killing myself either in a literal way or in a mental way.

My own creativity and being is in chains. I just want things to go my way at least. I just want my life to be filled with color. All I see is dull colors everywhere with no meaning because I think that I have no meaning at all.

The reason behind orange being my favorite color are these. One, Camp Half-Blood because my first fandom was PJO and TKC (The Kane Chronicles). And two, a lot of people don't fancy the color unless it matches with something.

Orange is a light color, I know. But if the color doesn't match with something, then nobody wants it. Like how I am.

They won't listen to me unless I match their standards.

I was offered a laptop if I lose weight. I declined it because I didn't like the way my aunt just placed it there on our family's group chat on messenger. I've been judged by my height and weight by every grown woman in my present family. I've been compared to my so-called friend of mine several times. From grades to figure to talents.

They try to give me motivation. They try to convince me that if I do these things then my life will be happy.

What do they know about my happiness? All they say is that everything I want to do is nonsense.

I'm sorry for the note... It's just that the story is very personal and it literal (somehow) reflects my present state at the moment with everyone.

So Auf Wiedershen for now!

-Pumpkin