This is the idea I was fuming about last night!

"baby, i'm sorry i'm not exactly what you had in mind

but please don't leave

if you stay i promise i will change your mind."

The fire crackled and popped in front of her feet, and that seemed to be of the only thing of interest to her for a while. She was left to her thoughts which did her no good.

The night sky above consisted of glittering stars, but they meant nothing to her. Most meant nothing to her. How was it that the one thing she cared most for slipped past her fingertips?

So much excitement was around. Her sister was visiting, Aphmau was pregnant, and new things would soon arise with Phoenix Drop and the current area she was in, but she couldn't seem to find joy in it.

How is it that a man she longed for for so long was near, but the one she thought would stay forever left? Who on Earth could she ask that would have answers for her? How many books would she need to find? There wasn't anything to help her.

A stick breaks front the impact of someone's step, but she doesn't budge. The fire was dimming and cold replaced its warmth. A hand touches her shoulder, and she looks up. "Garroth."

"Alex. It's grown cold out here, and your fire has died down," he tells her, motioning to the smoky earth. "Won't you come inside?"

Alex looks at the fire ones more and understands what he means. She shakes her head and slowly lifts herself from the log she seated herself upon. Straightening the fabric of her dress, she sighs and goes to fetch the wood from the nearby pile.

"It's easier to be out here," she admits, feeling bits of bark and dirt crumble onto her hands. She scowls at the feeling but kneels down near the fire, trying to find a way to revive it. Alex feels his hands over her's and the wood's weight being replaced with air. "I-" Their eyes lock together, and Alex feels her body relax. "Thank you."

He only hums out a response. She walks over to her little log and sits down. Alex watches him carefully as she sets up the fire. In truth she felt numb, but she couldn't imagine what Garroth felt. So much has happened for him too. What could've been a week in his mind was over fifteen years for everyone else only to come back and face a mess. His mind must be racing.

"Have you heard any news on Laurance?" He asks, looking up from the rebuilt fire only to look down at the spot next to her. The female looks at him and grants permission. Unlike a chair, the log doesn't shift with his weight.

"No," she plainly states, shaking her head. "I was thinking about him. Questioning where he went. When he'll come back. What happened to him. Why he left." Alex looks at Garroth, falling silent. Once more she lets her eyes fall over his traits, scanning him up and down as if she would have to memorize him. "How are you taking everything?"

He looks back at her, and she blushes due to being caught. She clears her throat and looks back at the fire in front of her.

Garroth confirmed her thoughts. It was like playing a game of catch up on everything he missed only to go through so much more.

"I envy you all," Alex admits. She clasp her hands together with a sigh. "I envied you before on how you weren't afraid to place others' lives over your own. And sometimes, I'd grow angry only because I feared you would lose your life. I cried and begged Laurance to stay away from the life of a guard when we were younger. Each time he told me it was what he wanted and that he felt as though he were doing his part in the world by becoming one." She shakes her head with a shaky, but forced, laugh. She feels his hand placed on her's, and she ignores the butterflies in her stomach. "You've all done something rememberable. you've done something with your life, and I. . . I haven't. A lord, mother, father, guard. . . You will all have something to be remembered by, and I won't."

Garroth squeezes her hand to tell her he was still there. He wanted to tell her she was wrong. He never thought of the fame and glory he would receive for what he did. Or, at least, the legacy he placed into the world regardless of how it was viewed. "You're wrong."

"Am I? I've never experienced what it's like to have a romantic partner. Vylad could never have given me that. I have never had the desire of being a guard or a lord. I've grown wishing to be a mother because that was something I could do, and I fear that won't happen."

Garroth was stumped. He understood where she came from, but he couldn't express how wrong he thought she was. He could only stand quickly and look down at her, causing the sense of foolishness to nest deep within him for the sudden actions. "You can still do that. It just takes time."

Alex stands up and shakes her head, straightening her dress and cleaning herself up. "What good has time done before?" She asks him. "It's never done us any good. The man whom has captured my attention is in love with someone else who has shown she would never return his affection but yet he keeps waiting for her." Her mouth falls open as her hand tries to cover it. She shakes her head with a soft sigh.

"Alex I-"

"Please, don't speak," she begs before turning on her heel. She takes a step forward. "I think it's best we both call it a night."