🎶Derrick🎶, I sing to myself...

I love you, don't do this to me...I am NOT going to the mall area to get a game from gamestop...it would not make me happy...I'm stuck in the house and it's how I like to be...

It doesn't work. It's not a chant, influencing your mind. Just a swan song to my feels...it makes me feel bad whenever you say we'll break up or I can't talk to you because I haven't heard of an article of your fandom, and you want me to experience it, just to tease me...

But individual things you do like, so...maybe you will like me as an individual...but little individual things make up your life, and I'm about them if you cherish them so much. I look to my phone. 00:52. Ahem, my sister's, since the swap. I like seeing the time as '0'. Means I have time to start over again.

I get off the dark, carpeted floor. I want so much...more than you filling me...I want food...good creamy food...perhaps a cheesecake...

Perhaps clam chowder...

Perhaps...icing on a vanilla cake. 

It is highly suspect that these things are white. I lift my pants higher on my butt and walk to the kitchen. Bend down, trailing my hand along the refrigerator handle, and then gasp as I open the door. There was little food...she bought some, yes, but I did not expect it to line the refrigerator in such a way as to look like it barely existed...who am I kidding though, if some few items sitting on the second shelf was 'lining' the fridge, that is just bad, lax terminology. 

I stand up and open the freezer. Strawberry icecream. Take off the top which plops loudly onto the counter. Chose a spoon. Dig into the ice cream until it cracks, and mutter something about my sister's freezer setting being to high. "Come to momma," I say as it falls indignantly into my black and white-striped bowl. 

I slurp it up via my little mouth. Lather my tongue in the ice cream's tastey residue. Let it swim down my throat. Take in more.

I used to tell my sister not to eat like this, like a dog...I sigh...I really want to lather up other things like this...nothing can be more important than...

I make an odd oval embouchure in the air. I lick out to the invisible object I find in my imagination. I kiss...

I fall to my knees, icecream bowl in my hand. I wasn't even a helpless romantic...just a helpless dick sucker...why can't I have dick...

I don't want to get pregnant. Therefore shouldn't want to have dick. There. I reason and rationalize to myself that and then get up, unbending my legs. Let go of my support - the counter. And start making out with the wall...

I put down the bowlll...began to hump this concrete wall, slightly..."Baby...I love when you do that." I stop my thought proccess and wonder, Do what?

Then I think of a whole scenario. 

It was a while before I stopped, just because I began touching myself and one shudder wasn't enough. What was enough was...my loneliness...

I should want kids, because sex is fucking awesome...I want Derrick...

I called him. I sighed his name. 

"Yeah?" His voice laminated the serene, and my pensive, atmosphere with a familiar resonance.

"Teach me, please."

"Teach you what?"

"Teach me how to live without you."

"You're doing it now."

"Sexually."

You sighed. The breath, though unfelt, tickled my spine. "I wanna teach you that, but I can't -"

"Why?" I exhaled because I guess I was holding my breath...and began holding it again right afterwards -

"Because I have sexual feelings for you, too."

I think I tried to gasp but coughed because it was a weird transition of breathing. "Fuck...Derrick, we gotta..." 'Not that, of course.'

"Derrick," I continued, "fuck me. Put your hands on my hips and thrust myself at you."

"Okay?" You said nothing for a few seconds. "'On me' may be better."

I sighed...the vision clear...er with such a slight tweaking of words...what a word freak was I.

"How? Slow? Fast?" I continued.

"Rhythmically with a smile on my face."

I moan. "Sorry."

"It's okay...I kiss your lips and you clench your eyes shut so much at the sensation. And you grab my wrists...and moan...and moan...and I gasp..."

"Fucccccck, I need to go to the bathroom."

"Perfect."

I throw the phone down on the carpet in the living room and totally rushed to pee. Came back. Blushed. "You didn't hear that, did you?"

"The sound of the toilet flushing? Yes."

"At least you didn't hear me pee. That would've been weird."

"Oh," you said sarcastically, "I would have really gotten turned on by that."

"Thrust your fingers into my pink," I said, fast...the images fading, and, so, me, desparate. 

"What?" You started laughing. "Your pink? I 'can't'.

"Can't-can't or this is so funny, can't?"

"Both. Do you know how crazy I'd make you go?" You said in your vibratorily deep, and sexy, voice. 

"Do it! For me." I sighed to exhale and sound engaged in normal rather than aroused breathing; and then couldn't help but to touch my labia at that point and as he went on...and I especially focused on my clit...

"...and I lick your neck and bite it slightly as I continue plowing you with my fingers."

I fall to my knees in real life. Again. And exhale, breathe, and with no voice (as a sigh would usualy have)...there was too much breath for me to manage for me to play around with breathing anymore...full inhales, full exhales, were gonna happen...and I sounded stressed...because I was so fully engaged now..."I push against you..." I say with my lightest voice. "I love it..." I breathe hard. "I love your fingers. I," breathlessly, "want them to stay in there forever."

"Then you'd get Toxic Shock Syndrome."

I laughed...but I really now wanted to masturbate...I was already touching myself...but I wanted to go in-depth (in all the connotations  of that) and was sleepy from all the arousal, already, so why not just get in the bed, I thought..."Goodnight,"I said after laughing at his joke. 

"So, before we have sex? What a quitter."

"No, it just began, I chuckle...and then moan in sadness, "Don't make me feel like I am forgetting something."

"Except for the whole point of foreplay?" You sniggered at your point until the humor aged, breaths over the phone the only evidence of our still existing. I felt so surreal, after this foreplay. 

"We shouldn't have started out with the main course," I poked. 

"Think about that next time, princess," you say, before hanging up. 

And I sigh-moan - the sigh-part for not being able to talk to you anymore, and the moan because you left me on a wonderful note. And I look at my phone one more time because it 'bing's. A cheeky smile as a picture emerges when I unlock the screen. A picture of him. Another picture, then, with another bing erupts and shows me the thing that I could only want tonight, wish I'd have...thank you for this gift, Derrick..I can always be horny, now...

And successfully so, lightyears away from us actually doing anything...

And all by myself. 

❤