I feel like ending myself. I feel lost. I want to breathe, but I can't. I don't feel like existing because I'm weak. I'm weak as all get out. I can't do anything right. I hate me. There isn't a good side of me. There's just pain hidden. I want to be something. But I'm not worth the time. I'm not worth it to anyone. I want to be happy, but I'm not. I can't be happy. I hate that I need people. I can't breathe without you. But you aren't always there. Some days it's like I'm just existing. Living because its all I got.

And now I'm so anxious. I feel like my friend has harmed you. Scared you. I hope you're okay. You haven't replied. I'm scared. I'm so worried if you're okay. I hope I hope you are okay. Please come back. I feel so much anxiety now. I feel so lost. I need you back. Please help. Please respond.

      Things keep happening, good and bad. And it's so confusing. I'm questioning what life wants from me. You keep confusing me. You're so confusing, but in its own way, it's funny. But it's also torture. It's a day by day process, of wanting to live, then wanting to end, being violated by such simple things and pain, constant pain stacking one by one. And nobody cares. Or well more honestly, nobody knows. I want to tell, but I'm afraid I'll be seen as weak. Being violated.. is horrible. And in its own way, scarring. I felt so much anxiety and pain today. I wanted to cease to exist. I wanted to stop, and end it all. I want you around. You, who makes me feel safe. Who makes me feel happy. In such simple ways, and you help me smile when I feel like I'll never smile again.

      You're not here though. Not right now. And there is nervousness, and loneliness. I just want to be with you. I need you to save me. And now I wait. Wait for a day when things will finally be okay. Where I can live, and smile. But I don't know when the universe will actually allow that. And you, you have seemed to disappear. And I am missing you, completely. It has become torture without you.

      The weeks have been hectic, I have become broken. There is nobody who would care to save me. I am tired of living in a way. You.. I miss you. I hate being alone. But that's all I'll ever be. Nobody loves me really. It's always a cold joke. The universe lives to play jokes on me. It hates me. But then again, it always makes sure I don't die. That way, it can keep playing these jokes. And I hate it. I hate it. Life loves to throw these harsh pains into my life. It loves making me feel things. Feel things for people, and remind me that I am alone.

And now there is confusion. It seems life has given me a new like, but it's not okay. Because for life, this is just another joke. It's always a joke. And now it's throwing stress, and hate. I hate being manipulated. I hate believing things easily. For this new person I care so much for, I have told others about it. But one has turned harsh and told me it would never happen. And it has caused me to fall apart. Because I am weak. I can't do anything right. And I'm crashing and burning and I can't even stop. I'm breathing, but I'm not breathing, and my mind is full of shadows. And they won't stop and they won't leave. I want them to leave. My existence has become a painful excuse to live, but now, now that new like has become one I love. The other has faded quietly, and I don't know anymore. I feel broken, but fixed. I feel like there is finally air to breathe, but there isn't. There is no safety in this area, but they.. The new one. They have caused my joy, my heart to beat again, but still with its own destruction. Each new day has become a new jab to my heart, but also caused me some joy. Seeing them causes so much joy, but also, so much pain. But in the end, that's all it will seem to be. Feelings I want to end, and at times the wish to be lost.
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Hey guys! Welcome to the end of this.. sad one-shot. The ones before the break seem to be only that haha.. Sorry. Most of this was written over time, so it's not all true. See y'all in the next one-shot!

      Much Love,
Empress_Of_Night