ONE SHOT SATURDAY WOO (on a Monday lmao)

Ultron happened. No Scarlet witch living in the tower (Avengers HQ probably instead), Vision exists but JARVIS is still alive bc I don't like FRIDAY. Lmao I make my own rules

Warnings; Attempted Suicide, so much tears (From my side of things anyway), Alcohol Abuse, PTSD and Depression.

Sorry

"People Like Tony don't get the appreciation that they deserve, people saunter on and just assume that he's okay, with all that money he has stashed in his bank accounts and the comfort he receives from his bots, but you can't get comfort in Money or machines, you'll go crazy without someone to hold you close and tell you that everything that you'd done, all your hard work, was worth something in the end."

Nobody sees that Tony is falling apart, hanging onto his life by a thread that was slowly winding away.

A man that has been dumped at deaths door as many times as Tony has, shouldn't still be standing on his own two feet, with a smile on his face and a cocky attitude to match, that's what Bucky thinks anyway. He's heard the stories, he's been pitched in on every little expect of Tony Starks life from the moment he was born to now, as the infamous Tony Stark is stashed away in his workshop under the comfort eye of JARVIS, the AI that Bucky is still getting use to.

Bucky knows of Tony Stark, whether from the blurrier, scattered memories of being the winter Solider, stalking down the young stark at an early age as a potential target, or from now as he snoops around what dirt he can gather from S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters. He knows of his Parents, his wealth, the string of ladies he has had - in the past - hang off his arm, the machines he has corrected and in his own way, his heroic actions to save the world.

All Heroic actions come with Consequences, Bucky has learned. His heart had ached as he read of the torture Tony had to endure while in Afghanistan, the torture, the beatings, the Arc reactor included. Reading up on those notes, Bucky had placed a hand on his chest as he imaged the pain Tony must've been in as a hole was cut into his chest, without antibiotics.

Bucky had watched the video footage of Iron Man flying the bomb into the Portal, only for it to close without him seeming to fall through in time. He watched, as the Hulk had grabbed hold of the limp suit and watched in fear as there was no light in the arc reactor, something the Bucky unknowingly feared that would happen since he has been living in the tower.

Ultron was a conflicting matter. The purpose to protect the world, an idea that was implanted into Tony's head because he couldn't face having any more death weighing on his shoulders, because he couldn't deal with the guilt of some many deaths because he didn't want to see what the outcome would be if he couldn't save the world, to save the team. It had went haywire, Bucky had seen the videos, read the news articles of the blame that was rested on Tony's shoulders, the hate.

It was shocking that his first encounter with Tony Stark, the man had been massive smiles - ones that Bucky later found out were fake - and a massive ego that acted like a security blanket for Tony as he showed Bucky around the Tower. He chatted, a lot, filled in the solemn silence which Bucky was never more glad for.

He had expected an image of Tony of stress, depression, a man Falling apart. Instead, he saw a man who was opening his home to others, to people he called his family despite the differences or the hatred flung his way from other team members. He funded their weapons, gave a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs.

It angers Bucky at how Tony is treated in return to his generosity, the snide remarks behind his back, the Russian swears and how the team treat him to his face. It has took all his mig to bite his tongue during a movie evening in the tower when he asked why Tony was not intending, how they hadn't invited him because they didn't like him, or something of that sort, Bucky had decided that he didn't want to join long enough to hear the full reason.

Or during those times that Bucky would sneak around in the vents - something he's seen Clint do a thousand times - and he would witness the violence flicked on Steves punching bag, perfectly made by Tony himself to withstand the super solider strength, a photo stitched onto the bag as he punched. It hurt, in some way, to watch his best friend act so violently of a man behind their back.

"Shit."Bucky curses, eyes casting down to where the shards of his mug now lay on the floor, gently kicking a couple off of his bare foot. He flexes out his metal hand, wiggles the fingers to check for malfunctions and sighs, realising that he had let his inner anger get the best of him."Stark is going to have my ass on a plate with the amount of mug smashing I do."

He cleans up the mess with ease, throwing away the shards and collecting a new mug to make himself some coffee. Steve is away on his morning job, Bucky had been awake from the previous night to see him leave, waving him off with a promise to have some form of breakfast waiting for him down in the common kitchen.

"JARVIS?"

"How can I assist you, Sargent Barnes?"The AI replies in the same heart beat.

"Who's occupying the tower at this time?"

"Agent Barton and Agent Coulson are currently on the Common Floor, Doctor Banner is currently in his lab and Sir is currently in his workshop."JARVIS informs, Bucky nodding at the information as he takes a sip of the coffee. Although, not a fan of coffee he had to admit that Tony stalked the tower with what has to be the best coffee he has ever tasted.

"How long has it been since Tony has ate?"Bucky asks, feeling a tad concerned as he taps his fingers against the mug in thought. It wasn't like Bucky monitored Tony on what he ate on a daily basis, or asked JARVIS how Tony is feeling or if the man is up for some fresh air to get out of the workshop. He's just curious.

"Nearing 17 hours, Sargent Barnes."JARVIS pauses,"I assure you that I am Monitoring Sir's health constantly. I will contact you if need be, if you wish."

Bucky looks down into his mug, pondering on the request. It wasn't as if he and Tony had anything per say, they talked just like everyone else in the tower and sure, they've gotten to know each other during the tune ups on his arm and times that Bucky would attempt to take Tony out for a couple of hours as friends, but he didn't know Tony Stark.

It wasn't as if Bucky knew things that nobody else's knew about Tony Stark, they weren't close, they were barely friends. But for some reason, there's been this nagging little voice in the back of Bucky's head the moment he lay eyes on Tony Stark in the flesh that he needs to keep an eye on Tony, that he needs to give a shit about him because who else will?

"Yeah, keep me in the loop."

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Bucky is unsure what it is that wakes him up at this time of the night, but it has something to do with the computerised voice that keeps coaxing for him to wake up and gosh damn it, Bucky hasn't slept in 3 days and now that he finally is catching some precious sleep he's being woken up, what the fuck?

Pulling the comforter further up his body so that it's covering his head, he tries to block out the voice, willing for it to go away so that he can attempt to go back to sleep for another few hours before he wakes up for sparring with Natasha that he somehow got roped into. Bucky just wants to sleep, why doesn't anybody ever let him sleep around here?"

"Sargent Barnes, I regret to inform you that your assistance is needed in Sir's Workshop."

"Tony?"Bucky slurs in his sleep minded state, wracking has brain on why he's being informed on Tony and or why Tony is in need for him. All that stuff normally goes to Bruce since he's knowingly the closes in the tower to Tony.

"I apologise, Sargent Barnes, I wouldn't interrupt if it wasn't urgent."

It's almost comedic the way that Bucky immediately wakes up, jumping out of the bed in his sweats and wife-beater to dash out where the elevator is. It still comes to a surprise when it opens without him pressing, JARVIS keeping an eye on Bucky as he hops from foot to foot in the elevator impatiently, without being told what is wrong with Tony it was admiring to see his urgency to aid him.

The elevator doors open, allowing Bucky to make his way down the short amount stairs to the workshop, wincing at the loud music he can already hear before the doors have even opened. It's one of those rock bands that Bucky has never learned the name of but he knows is Tony's favourite which is often plays loudly when he's working.

The doors slide open and Bucky isn't sure which senses is assaulted more, the lights shining out of the workshop could put Times Square to shame. He winces, moving to cover his eyes from the light and grateful whenever JARVIS gets the hint and turns down the brightness and turns off the music that is blasting at a level not suitable for human ears.

"Don't turn off my music! Or my lights!"Tony's voice is heard, making Bucky look urgently around the Workshop, nearly swept off his feet by Dumm-E as he whirls past Bucky in urgency.

"Not now, I'll play later."Bucky tries to dismiss the bot, brushing the bots claw away as he looks around the large workshop in search for Tony. He can hear him, the way to loud breathing of a nearing panic attack but his mind is still laced in thick sleep to be kicking into gear."Tony- hey! Dummy what are you doing?"He shouts whenever the back of his wife-beater is grabbed by a claw and he's being pulled backwards.

Nearly tripping over a wrench as he's dragged backwards by one of Tony's bots, Bucky is glad that the bit lets go of him, allowing him to turn to the bot in anger."What the fuck was that for-"The bot's beeping and whirling out loud his swears, causing Bucky to sigh and look around where he's been dragged too, a part of the workshop that was lone to Bucky.

"Dark, so dark..."Bucky can hear being repeated, followed by the loud, unsteady breathing that he knows has to be Tony. His vision casts down, heart shattering whenever he spots a body wedged between a glassed enclosed prototype of the Iron Man Suit and the far wall, body hunched over and knees to chest as he breathes and repeats.

Dumm-E was just leading him to where his Master was.

"Good boy,"Bucky praises gently, patting Dumm-E on the claw as the bot beeps quietly in gratitude before whirling away to clean up broken glass that Bucky had over stepped.

"It's so dark, everything is so dark and quiet, make it stop James, make it stop."Tony's breath hitches, registering Bucky who is know kneeling in front of him, careful of the man in front of him."It's so dark, I don't like the dark a-and it's so quiet, so dead. I feel so numb, I can't deal with this, James."

"It's okay-"

"It's not okay!"Tony's voice surprises both of them, head turned up so he can look at Bucky. His brown eyes are wet with tears, cheeks dampened and bottom lip bitten raw. There's so much sadness in those eyes, so much fear as looks at Bucky."Everyone is telling me that it's okay, that I'm going to be fine and I've been-"He takes a gulp of air, fingers tightening around the bottle of whiskey clutched to his hands."- I've been living a facade for so long."

"You're not there, Tony. You're here, in New York with me in your workshop, surrounded by your Bots and your team members-"

"They don't give a shit about me, nobody goes."He almost spits, eyes hysterical as he looks everywhere but at Bucky."They just want me for the cushy life I've given them, for the free upgrades and everything else in between. All Pepper does is shout at me and I haven't seen Rhodey in 3 months. So don't sit there and tell me there's people looking out for me, James, because there isn't."

"I give a shit about you,"Bucky almost growls, feeling protectiveness wash over him as he looks at the broken man before him. Tony looks so broken, so worn down and pale for someone who looks as if the world owes him when out in the public eye. The Whiskey in his hands isn't his first bottle.

"I can't sleep without being enclosed in darkness and it's so scary, James."Tony continues, brushing what Bucky has said off his shoulders."I'm 43 years old and scared of the dark, I'm scared that I'll close my eyes and I'll be there again, back in the wormhole on his own, in the darkness and with miles of nothing but silence and blackness surrounding me. I'm scared, James, I'm scared that I'm going to close my eyes one day and never open them again, that someone is going to mange to get to me, somehow."

"Everyone I've ever been close with is dead or hates me. The world hates me for Ulton -"Tony openly flinches at the word, taking a swig of the whiskey before he continues."- but it wasn't my fault. I-I just wanted to help, I w-wanted to save but everything I ever do goes to shit and all anyone ever focuses on is the bad."

"Tony, I know that it isn't your fault, I don't blame you for Ultron, I never have because I know it wasn't your intention. You wanted to save the world, and in return, the world was a bastard to you instead. It's not your fault, and I believe you."Bucky speaks, scooting closer to Tony so he can take the bottle out of his hands."It's okay to be scared, Tony. I get scared."

"I-I just want it to stop hurting, James. Make it stop hurting."Tony lets a sob escape his throat, tears running down his cheeks as he looks at Bucky, a man that has been through so much shit in his life, a victim in his own cob web but still sticks around for the shit that is Tony Stark.

Tony makes a move to be held by Bucky, falling clumsily forward into the mans chest instead with a hiccup of both sobs and alcohol. With skill, Bucky catches the man and holds him in a tight embrace for a while, allowing him to cry it out into his chest. It's only when Bucky feels something dripping onto his neck is when he tenses with concern.

Pulling away from the hug, a hand shoots out to touch his neck, fingers dabbed in blood. Immediately, his eyes cast to Tony's arms, smeared in blood from open, deep wounds created on his wrists by a sharp object, deliberately.

"Fuck, Tony, you're bleeding!"Bucky panics, making a grab for the wrist with the deepest wound  and clamping his metal hand around it to ease the heavy flow. How did he not see it before now? He feels his chest tighten in panic, own tears starting to dampen his eyes whenever Tony falls forward into his chest again, mumbling words into his chest."Tony, don't you dare pass out."

"JARVIS, fuck-"Bucky wipes his cheek on his own shoulder whenever tears start to fall."- unmute, JARVIS, what do I do?"

"Phoning Emergency Services now, Sargent Barnes."JARVIS's voice is calm and soothing as he speaks, directing Bucky to apply pressure and to remain calm himself.

"I've got you,"Bucky whispers, sniffling back tears."I've got you, Tony, I'm not letting go."

I'll write a part two next Saturday (: